When A Spouse Departs, Can I Remarry？ — Shane Idleman

Marriage as a Lifelong Covenant

It's been a hard week because I've been processing this topic, and the title is, When a Spouse Departs, Can I Remarry? And all the singles are going, oh no, why am I here? Well, it's good you're here because marriage is the most important decision you can make other than accepting God and embracing Christ, his gift on the cross, and repenting of your sin.

It is a very important choice. It will affect the rest of your life in many ways. So I'm gonna speak to the singles, of course, because God's word is relevant, but I wanna talk about a difficult subject, When a Spouse Departs, Can I Remarry?

We get calls on this topic, I get emails on this topic, and many of you know in the news, I'm not gonna say her name, but a high-profile political figure just announced their separation. Their husband, I think, was filing for divorce, a Christian couple.

And the reason is this, incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife. Incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife.

And on one hand, you wanna say, welcome to marriage. But on the other hand, you don't wanna dismiss difficult marriages. And that's why this is so difficult of a topic because there are thousands of different scenarios.

Many different things going on in the home. Some people are blessed, some people are struggling. Some people are barely holding on, some are really strong. And how do you relate to all those different areas?

The only way I know to do that is through the teaching of God's word and letting him show you what it has to say. Not my opinion, not what I think, but what does God's word say? The sad thing about this split up that's in the news is the secular press eats this kind of stuff up, don't they?

Oh, Christian couple, you're a hypocrite and she used to fight for marriage and now look at their marriage is ending. And another well-known ministry a while back, the husband left them and they were reconciled.

It's on the radio, you can hear that. So it's really happening all over. But what I wanna tell the secular media or the naysayers is this. You try fighting a battle every single day of your life and never see if you mess up.

You try, it's a battle. Every day is a struggle for marriage or a struggle to keep fighting the good fight of faith or to standing in truth and to not give up. It's a fight and they need to stop calling them hypocrites.

What they are is they're struggling. They're struggling in sin. And maybe the husband's drifted and doesn't know what he wants. He's hit a midlife crisis. You ever been there? Where you're like, oh, I'm getting old and life is, I'm on the other side of that.

And you start to, and maybe that person begins to drift and then they walk away from their marriage and then, oh, see, you're a hypocrite. No, he could be struggling. So we have to be very gentle in this area.

Grace, Truth, and the Problem of Hypocrisy

In case you're wondering, a hypocrite is someone who intentionally deceives or they put on a mask. In other words, I come here on Sunday and I'm this and this and then on Monday, I don't care what you think.

I'm gonna change into this other person. I'm a hypocrite. I'm changing a mask to suit an audience. So people who struggle or fall back in sin are often not hypocrites, although they are. Jesus actually called the religious leaders of his day hypocrites.

You whitewash tombs. Oh, you look so great on the outside, but inside you're like dead men's bones. So it's a topic you have to be very careful in. And grace does not mean that we soften the truth. And believe it or not, you might find it this hard to believe if you've listened to my sermons.

People have the audacity to say, sometimes, Shane, you give people too much grace. But grace doesn't mean you soften the truth. It means you hold the truth, but with a broken heart. Grace understands, if it wasn't for the grace of God, there go I.

That marriage and divorce, that could be us. That could be you. Who are we to start judging and holding our head high and having this kind of arrogant Pharisee attitude on others? But at the same time, we hold to the truth.

We don't compromise it. But there needs to be a lot of grace. And you know, have you ever been in a difficult marriage? Don't raise your hand. You might be right now. Many times, we know what to do. It's the doing it that's the hard part.

And we need that softness from God. But we also sometimes need the hammer of God. We need to crush pride and crush hypocrisy. And sometimes a man who is neglecting his family needs a good right hook. Not physically, but with the hammer of God.

Is not my word like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces? God says, is not my word like a fire that devours that pride and that arrogance? I mean, God's not talking about a physical hammer and real fire, necessarily.

He's talking about how that relates to the human heart. His word is like a fire and a hammer. And I told you last week, if you weren't here last week, you have to get the CD on your way out because this is really part two.

The Debate Over Remarriage After Divorce

There is a big divide in the Christian community between some they would call fundamentals or ultra conservatives or just different theological beliefs. And that side would say that the only way you can remarry is if your spouse dies.

That's it, end of story. But what about when Jesus said, except for fornication, and they would interpret that word to mean if you get married and you find out later that your spouse was not a virgin, then you have grounds for divorce like they did in the Old Testament.

I don't see that. That's what we call a quantum leap. But there is one side, a big side of Christianity that would believe that, that you cannot remarry unless your spouse dies and you are disqualified from leadership for the rest of your life.

For example, I could not be a pastor in the Assemblies of God denomination and other denominations because of what happened in my 20s, which I find ironic. You can kill somebody in your 20s, you can come out of homosexuality in your 20s, you can be a drunkard and a lascivious, and every sin in the book, and if you come out of that and you come to Christ, and now you can be a pastor, but because you have the big D on your forehead in your 20s, now you can't?

To me, it doesn't make any sense. That's actually what God used to break me, to humble me, and to say, okay, Shane Eidelman, I'm breaking you this time in your life. And if you need to hear more of that story, you can hear that in part one.

I can share maybe my testimony at some point, but that's really the point I'm trying to make is we really do people a disservice if we're not careful in this area. There's one Christian leader who I look up to, I respect, but I disagree with in this area.

One pastor wrote to him. He said, one of my congregants has been hurt and traumatized and destabilized by the reading of this pastor's position paper on divorce. The vast majority of evangelical pastors and scholars would characterize her divorce as tragic, but biblically justified.

Her husband was a serial and unrepentant adulterer. She sought reconciliation for years, pursued counseling, accountability, church discipline, and pretty much anything she could have done, but it didn't work.

Her husband was not willing to give up his sin, and the marriage ended. It was the first time as a pastor that I've ever advised someone to get a divorce. But this position of Christianity would say, no, too bad, you gotta stick with it.

You gotta stick it out. You gotta just, come on, sister. Go through it, get through it. Now, in that, there is some good advice as far as you do fight for reconciliation. You do stick with it sometimes when the times get tough.

You do fight that battle. Sometimes God might have you praying for months or years. So, there is some truth in that, but we have to be careful that we don't just handle all situations in the same light, because there are different circumstances, different situations.

The truth doesn't change. Scripture is pretty clear on what is allowed and what's not allowed, and that's what we're going to discuss this morning that we didn't discuss last week. But here's what we talked about last week.

First Corinthians 7 .15, but if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. So, to me, that seems pretty clear, but apparently to others, it doesn't.

They try to, the way they try to twist Scripture to fit theology is amazing sometimes. So, if there's an unbeliever, they depart, let him depart. If a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

So, here's a big question. When to hold on, when to move on? Can you answer that, anyone? When do I hold on, or when do I move on? And the sad news today is I can't give you that answer. I can only point you to the one who has that answer, and biblical principles.

It would be foolish for you to listen to anyone about advice on your marriage and allowing that person to lead your decision, because often, that person's view can be biased, it can be skewed. They don't know what's going on in the other person's heart.

They don't know what's going on in your heart. And any time we tell our side of the story, don't we kind of change it a little bit so we don't look as bad? And so, you have to take it to the one who knows all things, knows the heart.

I mean, early in my ministry, I was for sure, well, that's gonna end in divorce. I mean, there's no, and then guess what? They get back married again. They stood by it, but when there's physical abuse, have you ever been in an angry home?

It's not fun, it's difficult. There's physical abuse, there's emotional abuse, there's mental abuse, what there could be, hitting things and children in danger, and there's a lot to this. That's why some advice I would give one couple, hey, based on what you're telling me, I would stick through it, work it out, get some counseling, some other, somebody else, the same thing, but with children or something, I'd say, hey, I think it's good to separate and get some help.

You need to break away from that very dangerous and toxic environment. So see how it's not a one-size-fits-all approach? What about if your husband is now incarcerated for the rest of his life? Well, can I remarry?

I can't answer those. I mean, biblically speaking, I'm gonna get to the answer in a minute. But let me talk about this, 15. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage.

Well, if you look, you can just look at the original language if you want. It means to be bound to. So if somebody departs, you're no longer bound to them, you're no longer a slave to them, you're no longer carrying the weight of that relationship.

That's what it means. Because why? God wants us to be in peace. Now, you shouldn't be excited that they're leaving because sometimes with scripture, we look for loopholes instead of anchors. I've seen many scriptures where the husband's gone and the next day she's quoting this.

When did he leave you? Yesterday, I'm applying this right now. There's the cashier at Trader Joe's looks a little attractive and I've been talking to him. He said, look, he departed yesterday or a week ago or a month ago.

I mean, this is, when somebody departs, there's a process of praying and waiting. God, what do you wanna do? What are you doing in his heart? I'm not in a hurry, I'm waiting on you. But depart means to separate themselves from something.

So Paul's saying, if an unbeliever, now, what about if a believer departs? Whew, monkey wrench into the scriptures. But we're gonna get to that in a minute. I don't think it's a monkey wrench. So departs means separates himself.

So here's the picture. There's an unbeliever who leaves the marriage, says, I am out of here, I'm done with you. Don't ever talk to me again. I don't know what I was thinking. I knew what I was feeling, but what was I thinking?

Dierks Bentley, fans. I still have never seen the song or the video, but somebody said that and it really stuck out in my mind. I knew what I was thinking, but what was I feeling or vice versa? And they just leave, they're gone.

What do you do? Now, the Christian, the spirit-filled Christian should be praying for reconciliation and restoration and that God yanks that person out of darkness and changes them. That should be the focus of our prayer, not on plan B.

Not on the person we're attracted to at work. And that's how the enemy will work in this. I've seen this destroy more marriages than anything else, not even a close second. There's not even a close second.

Going through difficult times, the flesh's magnet is attracted to this person. And now this person becomes a stumbling block to reconciliation. That's what you should erase any type of plan for plan B out of your mind.

There shouldn't be a person you're thinking about. Maybe I wonder if God brought this person in my life. No, no, he probably didn't. Do you know the devil can bring people into your life too? The devil can just introduce Cinderella to the knight in shiny armor.

And then let affections play on them. But God opened a door. Does the devil open doors? Well, it's true. But it's a pretty good thing. Was it a God thing? Well, they say they're a Christian. Are they?

Are you still married? Are you still bound to that person? See, here's why it's difficult. You've got spirit-filled believers sometimes contending for a marriage where the other person isn't filled with God's spirit.

They're quenching and grieving the spirit. Or you have two carnal Christians or you have one's an unbeliever, one's not. If you get two spirit-filled believers loving God, loving his word, humbling themselves, it's gonna be hard to break that apart.

It just doesn't happen. You don't see that very much. I mean, I don't personally know two people on fire for God that have ended in divorce. Now, I know it's out there. You don't need to email me. I'm sure there's...

See, there's exceptions, but that does not negate the rule. Just because something happened doesn't mean... And there's always that draw to someone else. If someone just waited on God and didn't allow their flesh to direct them, you'd be surprised at what might happen in marriages and restoration.

I don't wanna tell too many testimonies in case people are listening now, but I don't think this couple is. But we have friends of ours, I've told you this before, that got married the same time we did and go to a church.

And I just ran into him. I'm like, what's going on? He said, oh, I'm engaged. But they were separated. Now they're divorced. Now he's engaged already. Like, what's wrong with your wife? And you have little kids.

What happened there? You see? It's just that immediate draw to someone else or to something else. It can really be destructive. So what does Jesus say on divorce? I think that's probably the most important thing, correct?

Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce and Sexual Immorality

Matthew 5 .31 and 32. Now you really have to study this scripture in context. You have to look at, you know, you can look at Josephus, an early church historian, but you can look at the rabbis that were in Jesus's time at this particular junction.

What did they teach? You can look at early church fathers, Ignatius, Irenaeus, Polycarp, Justin Martyr, and some of their writings on this. So you can kind of get a pretty good idea of what's going on.

So Jesus said, it has been said, anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. Basically, he must free her. Here's why. Before Moses, divorce was, and even in Moses's time, if the husband didn't want her anymore, guess what?

Kick her to the curb. That's where that term comes from. Maybe she could do that to him, probably. There was no consideration of anything. And you're helping this, let's say you're the main supporter financially, you're taking care of this family, and you just kick her out.

Where's she gonna go? There's no money, there's no revenue, there's no resources. She's a victim of your choice. And Jesus, we're gonna read in a little bit later, where Jesus said, because the hardness of your heart, God allowed divorce.

But from the beginning, it was never so. So it's been said, whoever divorces his wife gives her a certificate of divorce. He frees her. But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery.

And anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Okay. Now remember, there's two sides of this. One side that says you cannot remarry unless someone dies, and they turn the scripture around a little bit.

Or the clean, crisp reading of this, Jesus is saying, there's no grounds for biblical divorce, except in the area of sexual immorality. Meaning, what God has designed, I guess we do a history lesson on this.

God has designed the sexual union of man and woman to be the covenant, the binding contract, the two become one flesh. So when you break that covenant, and you give your heart or self to another, and you're breaking that covenant, this provision seems to say that there is grounds to divorce.

There's grounds to separate from that person because they've already broken that commitment. So he's saying here, the marriage was not properly dissolved. It has to be properly dissolved through sexual morality.

Jesus narrows the focus to unfaithfulness. It breaks the bond of marriage. But then it comes up, what about lying and manipulating and abuse and divisiveness and all these other things? And he's, you know, he's abused my children and all these terrible things.

Well, you know, you can't say, well, too bad, read this. Sexual morality only. So as a pastor, I'm careful, I don't advocate divorce. I don't know if I've ever told you that. Please tell me and remind me, but I've never said, yep, just go for it.

Yep, take him to the bank, take him to the cleaners. My heart's always for reconciliation. God, Lord, what do you want to do in understanding the heart of God? See, that's the heart of God. And I don't see the heart of God as allowing someone to stay in a very destructive, very abusive, very harmful home, especially for the children.

You know, that's really hard to push. Now, can you go get a divorce if there's not biblical grounds? If you don't have biblical grounds for the divorce, I would be leery of going out and filing for divorce right away.

I would seek God. There's no problem in separating. People get upset at this too. You're telling people to separate. Yeah, if you're a jerk at home and you're not changing, she might need to go somewhere to wake you up.

The biggest wake-up calls people have ever had is when there is separation. They realize what they're about ready to lose. I didn't say divorce. Paul will go on to say, if you do leave, stay unmarried.

So if there's a difficult home, difficult things are going on, there is, I believe, biblical grounds that a person can separate, get out of that environment. And many times when they get out of that environment, they begin to find freedom and wholeness, a deeper relationship with God because they're out of the toxic, dangerous home.

And then the other person wakes up and says, oh, I guess I am the problem. I guess I'm about ready to lose this very important gift. Hopefully, hopefully, but usually what happens? What did we learn earlier?

He hits the bar and plan two becomes a reality. See, people think, oh, now we're separated means now I'm free. No, you're not. No, you're not. How many people have met someone and said, well, I'm separated right now.

We're gonna get a divorce eventually. Oh, okay, I can date you then. No, you can't. If somebody is separated, allow that separation to drive them to the cross. Allow that separation to drive them to a deeper relationship with God and let God answer those questions.

God can't direct you through his word. God can't give you insight and wisdom. The problem is many times we're too much in a hurry. We want those answers now. I know many of you are already thinking, what about this situation?

What about this situation? What about this situation? But let me read a commentary here. Jesus appears to be saying that if a divorce is not legitimate, then the remarriage is not legitimate. Conversely, if the divorce is legitimate, then the remarriage is legitimate.

In the context of the day, the certificate of divorce was specifically given in order to permit and endorse a remarriage. So if someone gave them a certificate of divorce, they were saying you are free to marry someone else.

I'm divorcing you. And that's why Jesus is clarifying, except for this area of sexual immorality. And what really stands out to me is if we took the Bible a little more seriously, we might take dating a little more seriously.

Or should I say dating the wrong person? We might not be so flippant about marriage. If it's just, well, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. And that's the approach nowadays, isn't it? Hey, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

But the approach really should be, okay, Lord, are you leading me? Are you guiding me? Is this a person you have for me? I'm not gonna rush into this. Lord, I want to know that you are leading me in this area.

Yeah. And again, Matthew 19, Jesus said, because the hardness of your heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. So in a nutshell, Jesus really only gives one out, doesn't he?

In the area of sexual immorality. And the question comes up, what about pornography? Well, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. If you even look at a woman who loves for her, you've committed adultery.

If there's an ongoing issue with this and the person's unrepentant, it's not much different than the physical act. But again, there's a lot of questions and there's a person willing to change. There's so much, it depends.

You have to take it case by case. But I would say if there's a problem with this area, pornography, and he's unrepentant, it's not any different than actually committing the actual act of adultery. But again, with all things with God, there's restoration, there's hope, there's renewal.

Many of you listening and here today can testify to that, that you fought the fight and you hung in there and God worked it out. So Jesus only gives this out. But notice that he's talking primarily to the person filing the divorce.

Victims, Abandonment, and the Heart of God

He's going after the critical heart. He's going after the person that wants the divorce. What about the victim who's left to pay the price of the choice of another? That has to be taken into consideration as well.

So remarriage really is not the issue in my opinion. Manipulation and abandonment are. The remarriage doesn't come up too much other than he's getting to the heart of the matter which is manipulation and abandonment.

So I appreciate the words of Jade Nolan on this point. The normal understanding of Matthew 5 .32 runs the danger of leaving the woman involved a double victim. She has been divorced by a husband who may well have rejected her at his whim.

Boom, victim. One blow and now she is barred from any new relationship because she bears the stigma of the divorce. So this person now is a double victim because of the choice of the other. That's why you really have to look at what is the heart of God?

And not just immediately quote scripture at someone without feeling their pain and understanding where they're coming from. A situation, we know somebody, I believe around 20, 23, can you believe that?

Very abusive home, who knows, pornography involved affairs, we're not sure. Had to leave, done, prayed, contended, went back home, went back home, went back home. Still the abuse, still the physical abuse.

And if he says I'm done with you, I'm filing, I'm moving on and then now she's at 23, just that's it, you can never remarry, you can never have any more kids, take a vows of celibacy and put on your nun cap.

Again, I'm not minimizing scripture, I'm just saying you better be careful. Be very careful and what is the heart of God? Because we don't know if that gentleman was committing adultery. We don't know what the background is to that.

So clearly understand that I'm not advocating divorce nor am I saying that if you are currently separated that divorce is an option because better opportunities await you, amen? That's not what I'm saying, God hates divorce and anyone who has been there knows why.

Here's why I try to find the balance because when we just take scripture and you just throw it at someone and you can't relate to them, you've never been through a challenging situation, it's very, it doesn't sit well, it doesn't, you don't have that grace.

It's like telling someone struggling with depression. Oh, I'm just, I'm struggling right now, I'm thinking of taking my life. Read the Bible and get over it. Now, that's good advice. Read the Bible, meditate on God's word.

But see, unless you've experienced it, you have to be careful. So what is the heart of God? What about the person now, well, I'm gonna sum this up in a minute if you have some questions, but what about the person now that's saying, did I make a mistake or I made a mistake?

Repentance, Restoration, and Seeking God’s Direction

How often does that happen during preaching? We hear the word of God and we say, I've made a mistake, I've fallen. Well, let me encourage you, repent and repair what you can. Repent and repair what you can.

As much as it depends upon you. What can you do? What is God ministering in your own spirit? Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. We sometimes think it is, don't we? Divorce is the unpardonable sin. It's not.

Now, if somebody got, was divorced earlier and it wasn't biblical, you know, you have to be careful. You have to be careful with what you do with your life. You have to take it to God, we have to repent, we have to acknowledge, God, I need your direction in this area, I need you to show me what to do, God, and go and repair what you can, if you can, if God's leading.

So seek God over the advice of others. Here's what you need to do, prayer is your heartbeat right now. Did you catch that? Seek God over the advice of others. Going to others will drive you insane. It's okay to get counsel now and then, but have you ever felt like a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways because this person is, oh, Lord, I don't know what to do, I don't, don't do anything, just wait, wait on God.

Now, there's people in the midst right now listening to this, in the midst of a divorce, or the divorce has already gone through, or that's the direction they're heading. I just encourage you, take it to God, seek him, meditate on his word, get it deep inside of you.

God will lead those who are willing to follow as long as what is not in your way, plan B. How many people have plan B? What's plan B, Shane, you know what it is. Plan B is if this doesn't work out, here's where I'm going, here's I'm running to.

We're so craving of relationships, we have to have someone. The rebound approach, have you heard that before? Soon as somebody breaks up, they gotta find somebody else, gotta find somebody, and that happens in divorce.

You're separating like, oh, I'm lonely, and that's good to feel this way, I mean, that's legitimate, and I want that relationship, and we begin to meet someone, and then now we start to draw away from restoration.

Now, if you have biblical grounds for divorce, and it didn't work out, and God is bringing you hope and peace in your life, you live on that. You seek him, and you allow him to direct you, but we have to be careful here, too, because many times, these plan Bs, they prevent reconciliation more than anything else.

Fighting for Reconciliation Without Rushing

So in a nutshell, here's what I tell people, if you wanna know, we'll save this CD for marriage counseling, and they can listen to this. Everything I've said already, plus this. If the possibility of reconciliation still exists, fight for it and contend for it.

If there's a possibility of reconciliation, fight for it and contend for it. I can't say, well, you know, it's beyond God's grasp. Go ahead and file for that divorce, but again, there's different situations.

What about if the person is just totally abusive, a lying and a manipulator, and just, you name it, they are that person, that ooh, you know who that is, and it's hard to pray for reconciliation, and we'll pray that God would save them.

So I believe you fight and you contend for your marriage as long as you can, until God gives you clarity otherwise. There's no harm in waiting, is there? The only harm in waiting is this, my biological clock is ticking.

And I've been there, I know, I can relate. I mean, it's hard to just wait. But there's no harm in waiting, but there is much harm in rushing. When people rush ahead, I don't wanna be negative, but the statistics on second marriages are not better than first marriages.

I could share quite a bit of stories with you over the years when we've told people the grass isn't greener, and we've heard from them. We've heard from them that the grass is not greener. And now they're in their second marriage, winding out.

What do you tell that person? I remember two came to mind, we've shared this one before, but it was a young woman, we just started the church. And she was gonna leave her husband, she did. She left her husband and two little kids.

And it was an amazing statement, I'll never forget. She said, I know what the Bible says, but God just wants me to be happy. That's a very bad interpretation of scripture. Yes, God wants you to be filled with joy, joy filled.

Happiness is what's happening to you. But that is not the option. There wasn't biblical grounds that I was aware of. Then we heard from her a few years later, miserable, upset, knew she made the wrong decision.

Another lady, I was thinking it was 2009, I'll never forget, I remember the desk I was sitting at, a friend of mine said she left me. There's nothing I can do, Facebook, she met somebody on Facebook. Now how often have we heard of that?

That's the number one thing I've heard of. See, the devil can make connections, oh, I remember them in high school. Better go see how they're doing. No, you better not. You don't need to see how they're doing.

If you're attracted to that little picture, you don't need to see what they're doing. See, connections, and then the devil can bring that back up again. But anyway, so I reached out to her. This whole thing, the grass isn't greener, and then she's in her second marriage, miserable.

But can't divorce him and go back to her first because the first is married. And the children were older, teenagers, but still traumatized, hurt. How selfish sometimes. Our choices affect, deeply affect our children and our marriages.

So there's no harm in waiting, no harm in rushing, and that's why I was struggled with this message because I know there's every situation listening just about. Somebody heading to divorce court. I know, getting ready, their divorce is gonna be final.

And then another couple whose divorce was final, friends of mine from high school, a month ago. Is there any hope in that? Yeah, there's hope. They're both still single. Don't go to plan B. Don't go to plan B.

And then others that are contemplating, others just holding on. And that's why, maybe it frustrates people because there's not clear cut, do this, do this, do this, but I encourage people, seek God with all your heart.

Hope for Those Who Diligently Seek God

He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. I've never known God. I love that song we sing. Not once have you ever let me down. Not once have you ever failed me. I failed myself, people have failed me, but not once has God, by His sheer grace and mercy, ever failed us.

We fail ourselves or people fail us. And so we're to look to Him and Him alone. So He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. What does diligently mean? It's that constant. You ever hear the drip in your water faucet?

It's not good, but it's good when you're pursuing God. That diligence, that not giving up and not giving in. He rewards those. He will show the person. He might restore their marriage. He might renew their relationship with Himself.

He might give them insight and wisdom. If God is ministering restoration in your spirit, wait for it, contend for it, pray fervently for it. He might be doing that. But sometimes we want to do what is right so bad that we may think that it's God and we get frustrated.

But what about if the believer departs? Ooh, how much time do we have? What if a believer departs because we do get that question? Well, a real believer? Because there's some wolves in sheep's clothing.

There's people that say it, but they don't live it. But for the sake of this question, it's a real believer. It appears from Scripture that God's plan is for them to reconcile or remain single. To the married, I give the command.

A Believer Who Separates Must Remain Unmarried or Reconcile

Now, if the believer commits adultery, we've seen God heal many marriages where adultery occurred. It's not the unpardonable sin. Healing can take place. But if it's a consistent, unrepentant sin of adultery, it just keeps years after year, and it just, that's who this person is.

There's that scriptural course to end that marriage. But what we don't see is somebody has an affair, and then the next day, you run to the courthouse. See what God is doing there. Don't rush in that area as well.