Gv4338 Gv Failure - Back Door to Success — George Verwer

Amen. Thank you.

Well, it's a challenge to sit here between Ted Rendell and Bert Kempis. Bert and I labored together, as he said, for about 18 years in his early years when he worked in India. I used to think he was a bit of a pain in the neck.

And I'm sure if you have any of that difficulty here... We'll send him back. No. You can just thank Jesus you're not a giraffe. But God certainly uses all kinds of people. And it's been a great privilege to be working with Bert in World Evangelism in India and Belgium.

The young man who's director of the work of OM in Belgium, a Belgian, was, I believe, I know he was converted to Christ in an open-air meeting in Ostend, Belgium, when Bert was our leader there. Were you in that meeting?

Bert was actually in that meeting. You know, there are not many Belgians that are going on the way this brother Leo Pruitt is going on. So even though Bert is now back here, the men that he has brought to Christ and helped disciple are literally all over the world.

Evangelism as a Practical Expression of Following Christ

I was a little surprised when someone came to me and shared that quite a few of the young men here at Prairie haven't yet caught the vision for outreach evangelism and getting out into the streets and the doors.

And I, you know, bear with me, I'm an impatient character, but it is difficult for me to comprehend how any full-blooded lover of Jesus Christ, following Christ, doesn't want to get out in evangelism.

I know when we were at Moody Bible Institute, we had to get out in the streets, all of us. I got in a lot of trouble as we were only allowed two practical Christian work assignments, that's what they called this.

I didn't know about this rule and I was only there a week and I had about seven different programs going. And I got called up to the dean for too much evangelistic activity. They reminded me that I was supposed to be there to study.

That didn't seem to be such a big deal because most of the courses seemed rather easy. But anyway, I did limit myself to two official practical Christian work assignments in the streets and all the other ones we just classified as unofficial.

But it does really amaze me that you now have someone like Bert here with so much experience and he hasn't asked me to say this, no one has asked me to say this. Well, I should take that back, one student was jabbing me a bit about this.

But it does seem strange that God has given you such a tremendous outreach program and there aren't more people that want to get involved in it. Because I will tell you, if you sit here week after week taking in all these messages and you don't get out in contact with people who don't know Christ on the doors or in the streets, you don't have to preach the first time if you're scared.

Be honest, tell the leader, look, I'm not going to preach the first time out. I'll go, I'll watch, I'll give out tracts or I'll talk to people. A lot of my early witnessing, I just did an 80 listening to the people, I used to go to the bus stations, I used to go to the train stations, wherever there were people I'd sit down next to them to strike up a conversation and listen to them, take an interest in them.

You don't have to knock them in the head with the gospel the first 15 seconds. And I learned so much through that. The first week at Moody Bible Institute I went out into the open air with the open air campaigners and I met Dick Griffin.

We've been together now 27 years. He's the director, took the work in Mexico when I left it, got his residence papers and has been in Mexico for 25 years. We met because we went out on outreach together.

And I would just encourage all of you, God's word says he has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and power and a sound mind. And even many of you in the faculty, I know you have your priority ministry, teaching and preaching, but if you could get some time out in the streets, maybe out with drunkards, maybe out with the up and outers, maybe down the back streets of Calgary, what a great city Calgary is.

That's where I'd live if I came to Western Canada. I was there just the other day. Lots of people from all over the world, Edmonton is similar. But you can travel there, it's not that far, this fellow's cycling back and forth.

Get out with people in the streets, it will refresh you. Probably it'll do more for you in the early stages than you do for the people. You know, they may not all repent at your first open air meeting.

Some may walk away, that's always good for the humility. But I thank God for the outreach. You have here, I chose Moody Bible Institute. I didn't know much about Bible schools, I was a young Christian.

I mainly chose it out of ignorance because it was in Chicago. And I wanted to get back in the city with the alcoholics and with the street people and somehow survive all of the studying while I was putting it into practice.

And I take what I learn in the classroom and take it right out into the streets on the weekend. You know what, it worked. And very seldom were we not regularly seeing people come to Jesus Christ. So exciting to be involved in the work of God.

The Crucified Life and the Balance of Heart and Intellect

You know, C .S. Lewis said, we have the tendency to think but not to act. Isn't that true? You go over to your bookshop. Boy, I'm so thrilled they've opened up this late night prairie bookshop. This is one of my favorite bookshops here in Three Hills.

And I'm thrilled. I'm so thrilled that they're opened up. You go in there and get some books by C .S. Lewis. Get some books by Roy Eshin. Get some books by Michael Griffiths, like Take My Life. Get Born Crucified.

My dear old saint, I had supper with his wife tonight. That's enough to challenge me for several years. Born Crucified. We need that message in the body of Christ more than perhaps ever before. It's a neglected message without a reality.

And the reality of crucified life, I don't believe we're going to go very far in our Christian faith. I have great fear, especially for some of our seminaries. I speak in a lot of seminaries. I'm not against seminaries.

But I find in a lot of the seminaries, men are getting bigger and bigger heads. Gigantic heads. I mean, it's always a weird sight, isn't it? You see a little skinny body and a huge head. And the fellow comes into the classroom and he has to turn sideways to get his head in the door.

And you need a microscope to find the heart. And you just don't find the feet. What does the Bible say? Blessed are the minds of those who preach the gospel. That's the way they say it in England. No, the Bible says, blessed are the feet.

I mean, that's a strange verse. I've been trying to show my wife that verse for a long time in connection with my feet. And she is not convinced about my literal interpretation. And so the last years, as our marriage went through a few bumps, I've been putting my socks, always in plastic bags, upon immediate removal.

The Word of God is very, very clear. Praise the Lord for on-fire intellect. Not against people studying, getting necessary academic preparation. But you need the balance. A heart filled with compassion and love and brokenness.

A life that knows the reality of the cross. And an intellect that sharp to comprehend and to communicate and to carry on the work. I'd like to mention, especially this evening, the books of Erwin Lutzer.

We were together in Chicago, actually, where I made those cassette tapes that Bert mentioned. We were ministering in two different seminars. We just met each other for about half a minute. There was immediate vibrations.

You know, he's also rather small. And I've been reading his books and pushing his book, Living With Your Passions, all over the world. It's the best book on the subject of sexual purity that I know. Unfortunately, we don't have many copies.

You'll have to order them from your bookshop. We have a few on our little annex table here. I would make this required reading if I were the academic dean. Boy, that's a powerful term. We should have one of those in OM.

Academic dean. Sounds like somebody that can really pack a punch. So if I was the academic dean, I would require you to get your brain into this book by Erwin Lutzer. I understand he came here and made quite an impact.

And his book is brilliant. Tonight, the title of my message is Failure, the Back Door to Success. Some of you want a title. You're going to try to take some notes. Good luck. Failure, the Back Door to Success.

Failure as the Back Door to Success

This book is dynamite. Just the title is enough to turn a character like me on. There's so much failure in my life. So I just picked these up actually from Erwin Lutzer's brother, Harold Lutzer. He's with the Canadian Revival Fellowship.

And I had the privilege of going to their little office and restocking on some of my books that I was out of. Failure, the Back Door to Success. Another one of the most exciting books I'm pushing. I just wrote the forward to the British edition which will be published in a few months.

Is David Seaman's Healing for Damaged Emotion. 50 of the young people who come on OM. We've had 37 ,000 men and women trained on OM in 25 years. 50 have some kind of emotional difficulties. Some big, some small.

And I will tell you, if God hadn't taught us something about the psychology of Jesus from the Sermon on the Mount. I got it from Billy Graham's book, Secret of Happiness. Then I got it from a book called Jesus and Mental Health.

Another brilliant book on the Sermon on the Mount. Book said that if you took the straw out of a lot of the books on psychology, what you would have left is less than we find in the Sermon on the Mount.

That's the kind of psychology I believe in. And I recommend to you this kind of biblical, balanced psychology. Not from a psychologist, but from a pastor who went through revival in Asbury in 71. Who was a pastor for 30 or 40 years.

And who was speaking where the issues really are. And this book is written for prairie people. He's got your number. Because Saul has very keen, dedicated, Bible-believing people. We get some of these difficulties in our lives.

So I commend it to you. We only have a few on our table. Then you'll have to order them from your bookshop. Lastly, I want to commend to you the writings of A .W. Tozer. And this is a book to introduce his writings, if you're not already aware of them.

A number of his other books are there. They're dynamite. They're laser beams of red-hot spiritual revelation. From the Word of God to our hearts. And I am so indebted to this man. We originally produced this book and then exported it back to the Christian Publishing House in Harrisburg.

We produced it originally in England. Quotations from 20 of Tozer's books. Just to get you started. If you can read that and not have it minister to you. Even the most phlegmatic among you. If this doesn't challenge you and stir you.

You write to me. I'll send you 25 free books and an apology. For introducing you to A .W. Tozer. I love quotations. I want to commend. I hope in the midst of all the things I share that I can give out a lot of practical things.

That will help you students keep on keeping on. Because I am not, you know, my first burden really isn't what I shared last night. That is a huge burden on my heart and I'm glad I got it off my heart last night.

You didn't hear it, you can get the tape. But my first burden is spiritual health. My first burden is personal revival. My first burden is just to see you going on 20, 30, 40 years from now. If I meet you 20 years from now and you say, look, I never made the unreached people.

I never joined Operation Mobilization. I never really got out of Alberta. But I love Jesus and I've been going on for 20 years. You know, I'm going to give you, if you want, a big, big hug and say, praise the Lord.

Because really, I think some of us as Christians are hyper-idealistic. We got more one-talent people in the Evangelical Church trying to behave like ten-talent people than any of our corporations. They're not that crazy.

And you dear sisters, you are not going to become a combination of Elizabeth, Elliot, Billy Graham and E .T. or anybody else. You are you. And if God has created you a woman, you better start accepting that.

Stop trying to pole vault over the gymnasium. And just start to accept yourself a little more. And of course, we get so idealistic, especially when we're bombarded with heavy messages. And some kind of wildcat spiritual tornado like Verwer blows through and a lot of people get really nervous.

And then you get some people trying to copy this. And that is really pathetic. We are all originals. We are all originals. You're not a giraffe. I can tell that by looking at you. And you're not George Verwer.

You can thank Jesus for that. You're not L .E. Maxwell. You're you. One of the greatest struggles of my life was to accept George Verwer. A lot of things I didn't like about him. A lot of things. Remember even before I was a Christian.

Maybe there's someone here tonight that's not a Christian. I had trouble really accepting the fact that after grammar school where I was very much involved in sports. I was very much involved in also the social life.

Started rather young. New York City is a rather fast place. A little bigger than Three Hills. That I didn't grow. And I saw this advert. My big thing in my life was money and women. And I saw this advertisement in the newspaper.

Probably told you this story five years ago when I was here. But this is dedicated to those of you who are new. I saw this advertisement in the newspaper. Of a really beautiful girl which was my main interest.

And a skinny guy like me sitting with her on the beach. Some of you have seen this ad. They're still using this crazy same ad. And along came a big strong good looking character. And he just knocked this skinny guy away.

And he took the girl. And I thought this is what is going to happen to me. I'm a loser. And on the bottom of this little ad it says you can be a real man. Charles Atlas. Muscle building, weight gaining, gain weight etc.

I wrote in. Now I couldn't afford all these barbells and that stuff they were trying to sell me. So I got some old fashioned window weights. For six months I was lifting weights. I was eating extra food.

I was reading all these instructions. I gained about half a kilo. And one of the greatest things that happened to me. After I came to know Jesus Christ. Is I realized I was accepted. Accepted in the beloved Ephesians 1 .6.

I could finally begin to look at myself in the mirror with a little more of a relaxed attitude. I could get on the scale. You know I'm the kind of person when I stand on a scale. I have to hit it first to get it to move.

And I finally could stand on a scale. And I learned to laugh at myself. That's so basic. I'm sure you probably have. I know Prairie is moving into a lot of new areas. And probably you now have a course on how to laugh at yourself.

Great. Probably just a half credit course. I remember once we had a Canadian come on Operation Mobilization. I think he was a Canadian. But let's not prejudice anybody. Let's say he was an American. He believed that laughing was not from God.

He just believed you know this. How could we laugh. And you know I don't know all of his reasons. And he lasted but a few months. And he was off. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened.

You know God has given a gift of laughter, of humor. We're all different. If you think I make any plans to try to get you to laugh at my meetings. You don't know me. I have no plan to make people laugh.

I'm not some kind of a stand up comedian. There's some of my messages that I've given that isn't a laugh in the whole message. I don't understand the different ways that God works. But I'll tell you out on the mission field you either learn to laugh.

Or you're going to do a lot of crying. Because you're going to see God's people behave in bizarre ways. You're going to see these strong minded missionaries. And you have to be strong minded to get to the mission field in the first place.

I talked last night about the fight. You've got to somehow battle. You've got to persevere. With your prayer partners. With the church. With yourself. Maybe with your wife. So you've got to be strong minded to get out there.

And what happens when all these strong minded missionaries from all different Bible colleges and backgrounds get out there. And they have to work together. I'll tell you. They don't work together. Often.

There are very disheartening things. Praise God. There are beautiful exceptions as well. And I just think it's basic. To develop a little bit of a sense of humor. I was sharing with you that I wanted to throw out some practical things that will help you persevere.

Help you keep on keeping on. Because that's my bottom line. Is that expression out of date? Just about the time I get an expression. You know I'm out on the mission field. I come back here and the young people look at me.

Oh no what a bore. All these expressions that we've left last year. Bottom line. Maybe it's not bottom line anymore. I don't know. For a while girls were birds. Then girls were chicks. Now I don't know maybe they're geese.

I don't know what you're calling. I don't know what you're calling your girls here. And I was speaking in one seminary in the east coast. And I mentioned the word girl in the seminary course. The whole little troop of these sort of semi-evangelical feminists attacked me after the meeting.

You know not physically. Would have been easier physically. They attacked me. We are women. If I slip and I call a woman a girl. Or a girl a goose. Forgive me huh. But I wanted to read. I'm just trying to read this quotation.

I don't know how I got around to prepare the way. Because I'm trying to challenge you students to have a quotation book. And when anybody gives you a good quotation. Paste it in that book. I have a few pasted in my bible.

You know I had a lot of maps here in the back of my bible. And I tried to travel through Europe with these maps. And it was not very good. So I pasted a lot of quotations. On top of these maps. Let me read this quotation.

I think this is good. Opportunity not only knocks. But is playing an anvil chorus on every man's door. I think that's great. Now a salesman said that. Not a theologian. But there are theologians that believe that.

Like Howard Henricks. And some of those kind. The trouble is. Opportunity looks so much like hard work. That often we fail to recognize it. That touch any chords? A professional is a man who can do his job.

When he doesn't feel like it. An amateur can't do his job when he does feel like it. People can be placed into three classes. The few who make things happen. The many who watch things happen. And the overwhelming majority who have no idea of what has happened.

The man who is looking for magic. Or some mysterious shortcut to success. Will be disappointed. Because ability without agility doesn't win. And the worst bankrupt in the world is the man who has lost his enthusiasm.

But many a man never fails. Because he never tries. Forgive me if I've read that twice. And speaking at a number of schools. And if I read that when I first came. Then even more take it to heart. I want you to turn with me now.

Paul’s Thorn in the Flesh and Strength in Weakness

In your Bibles to 2 Corinthians chapter 12. Failure the back door to success. Let me give you a subtitle if you don't like that title. And I hope many of you will order the tape. And send it around to people that may need this message more than you.

I feel that for some of you this is not the key message of this conference. I'm sure for many of you I'm not the key speaker for this conference. I'm just one of a team of speakers. And I feel that often my ministry is for some who just may be missed.

By other more dedicated, disciplined, phlegmatic stalwarts of the Christian faith. Perhaps we could call this confessions of a weak, struggling Christian. This message is dedicated to all strugglers. If you are not a struggler.

I'm not telling you to leave. But you may want to try to understand those of us who are strugglers. I have been criticized. I have been condemned. Often because of my honesty. Not by many but by a few.

Because people don't easily relate to people who are sometimes overly honest. If they don't know much about honesty in their own life. So I'm going to share it as it is. I have in mind some of you that may never have come to Jesus Christ.

Because you're confused about the church. You're confused about some things in the Christian faith. Maybe you feel you're too weak. Maybe you already tried it in some way or other but failed. Maybe you feel there's too many hypocrites in the church.

There are many, many reasons why people don't come to Christ. It's not just that they're evil sinners who hate God. Let's understand that. I spend a lot of my time with unconverted people. I have been for 31 years since my conversion.

And I tell you it's complex. And personal evangelism is complex. It's not just going out with your four spiritual laws and getting them to make a decision for Christ. A high percentage of these people who make decisions do not go on for God.

Nobody I hope here is naive enough to believe that. Otherwise almost everybody, you know, a very high percentage of all the people in the United States would be Christians. I'm not against getting decisions for Christ.

I'm not against the four spiritual laws or the ten spiritual laws. I was converted through the ministry of Billy Graham when he gave an invitation to repent. So don't misunderstand. But I believe God wants to give us as believers greater understanding and sensitivity about where people are in 1985.

This is 1985. It will soon be 86. That's why I'm trying to get rid of these 85 calendars as fast as I possibly can. Please come and collect yours after the meeting. Even can throw a few away. But let's just read this second Corinthians chapter 12.

Paul speaks about a messenger of Satan, a thorn in the flesh. Verse 7, buffeted him that so he wouldn't be exalted above measure. One of God's goals for all of us is humility, isn't it? Have you read Andrew Murray's book, Humility?

I was 10 years in my Christian life living in Bombay, India. I picked up that book. I thought it would be the end of me. Talk about intimidation. Wow. These Andrew Murray books. I read one and then I try Eugenia Price or Tim LaHaye's Spirit Controlled Temperament or a comic or something.

A thorn, buffeted him, should not be above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord three times it would depart from me. A lot of different commentaries about what this is. And he said unto me, the Lord now is speaking to the apostle Paul.

He said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake.

For when I am weak, then I am strong. When I am weak, then I am strong. Now, I want to share with you my own testimony, but weave with it a message with this theme. That failure is the backdoor often to success.

And that God uses weak people. And that great faith does not necessarily come, get this. It's a quote from a great man of God with a little verbal paraphrase. Great faith does not come in the absence of doubt.

And I would add the absence of struggle and difficulty. But great faith learns how we battle through day by day in his name and in his power. So many young people seem to be defeated and discouraged in their Christian lives and many adults as well.

They seem to be overcome by their own failures. So many women have shared with my own wife who has a struggle in this area herself. They share with her, they don't feel they have any ministry. They feel only the husband has a ministry.

They feel they're home with the dishes and with the babies and the diapers or nappies, whatever you call them here in Canada. I don't know. Forgive my lack of Canadian English. And it was interesting that a study was made recently.

And it showed that if a woman, a housewife with a couple of children was giving the same time and energy in a job within a corporation, she would be getting $60 ,000 a year just for what she's doing at home.

And I just want to warn you husbands. Take it a little bit easy on your wife. Especially if you're hyper like me. And you think that God has got a tremendous plan for your wife. You've got a tremendous plan for your wife.

Maybe she's got a plan. Maybe if you sat down and kept your mouth shut for a while, she would share that she also has a plan. So many burdens. So many visions. So many ideas for my wife. So many exhortations.

So many challenges. So many Bible studies that she was intimidated and afraid to hardly speak to me in our early years of marriage. I had pushed Ephesians. You know the verse? So hard. The submission thing.

And I had this belief that God was going to give me the perfect wife. Have any of you got this kind of cockeyed stuff in your head? God was going to give me the perfect wife. And together we were going to take the world for Christ.

She'd take all the women. I'd take all the men. I was extreme. I believed all the money should be for God's work. I don't want to get into this. I may have mentioned it last time. Forgive me. But it helps you understand some of the problems and struggles.

Because I know whenever there's a Bible school, there are people out there just the way I was. Prayer. The Word. Witnessing. All my money to missions. I never once walked in this, I think in Moody we called it the sweet shop.

I ran a secret protest against the sweet shop. The candy store. What do they call this? Coffee bar. Where they sell things. How? If we're getting three meals at the institute, how can we go in there and waste money on junk food when millions don't have Bibles?

Boy, I tell you. We started a little revolution at Moody that really intimidated people. People would see some of us early OMers coming down the hall. They'd go around the other way. Over the roof. Anywhere but have to see Verwer eye to eye with a chocolate bar stuck in your teeth.

And, you know, I was sort of for a couple of years very much against any involvement with women. I thought, you know, we got to lay off this because this was a big thing before I was converted. And I thought, you know, I got to have a social fast.

I went in for a couple of years of a social fasting. No women. I thought my very early idea for going to Mexico with OM. No women. They'll hinder what God wants to do. You know, real, real macho chauvinist.

We call them in England a twit. But God, God had his program. And I went up to rent a film. I was just renting a Moody science film. I used to love those films. They encouraged me in my faith. I went up to rent a film.

And there was this woman sitting behind the desk. I can remember it almost like it were yesterday. I stepped out of the elevator. I think it was the seventh or eighth floor. And I looked at this girl behind the desk.

And it, you know, just every circuit. Smoke started to come out of my ears. And I thought, oh God, I'm in trouble again. Of course, I was somewhat rude. And I said, you're not planning to be a missionary, are you?

You know, she was very quiet, shy girl. She's been taken back. She said, why did you say that? I said, no good looking girls are going to the mission field. They're all ugly crocs going to the mission field.

Something like that. And I can tell you she was not in love with me. But she was a bit, you know, a bit surprised. So we decided to have a meeting for negotiations. A real romantic. And I thought I got to lay it on the line and find out if she's a disciple.

And if she really means business. So we went on a little meeting. We arranged it all. And just to talk. And I said, you know, probably nothing's going to come of this. But just in case, I want you to know.

If you marry me. This is the first date. I said, if you marry me, it's going to be rough. And we're not going to spend any money. And you're probably going to be cooked up in a pot and eaten in New Guinea.

She just, you know, this little quiet girl from Milwaukee. Just looked at me. The next thing I did about a week later is I gave her all my dirty laundry. I figured that's a test for any woman. Anyway, I guess another great test came when we actually went out.

We usually went out door to door or street evangelism. I didn't believe in any kind of this dating. I just believed in evangelism. So I took her with me. But one day we did go on a more proper date. Things were getting more serious.

And we sat along Lake Michigan. It was about noontime and she was getting hungry. I was perhaps getting hungry. I don't remember. But I knew one thing. I wasn't going to spend any money. And I was just seeking the Lord, praying, you know.

Lord, I'm in a bit of trouble here. I don't want to force anything on her. And this is because, you know, our meals were being served back in the Institute. So I didn't believe in spending any extra. Anyway, I shot a few quick prayers up.

And some people came and sat behind us and started to eat their lunch. You ever get that funny feeling when people are eating nearby and you're hungry? The amazing thing. I was extreme about God providing.

I wouldn't even. I'd never buy soap. I'd go into the YMCA shower where I'd live. In the name of Jesus, I believe soap will appear. Week after week, there was soap. You know, sometimes I'd have to scrape it off the floor.

But there was always some soap. I thought, Lord, you can provide. And when those people threw their sandwich, whatever was left, they threw it into the rubbish basket. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You're not believing the best.

But I just, in faith, went over to the rubbish basket. And I got the bag out. And can you imagine this lovely little girl, woman. The amazing thing is there were sandwiches that, you know how they are in the States.

Sandwiches had not been unwrapped. Fruit that was untouched. And I presented her with her lunch. Well, how we ever ended up getting married is quite a mystery. And I don't want to go into the details.

Needless to say, our marriage has been a lot of struggles. She finally began to share what she really sometimes felt. I didn't know how to handle it. And we ended up in quite a few arguments at times.

We were in Mexico and I didn't want to spend any money on food. I'd go to the market with Spanish books. And I'd say, amigo, yo tengo algunos libros aquí. Y yo quiero un poco de comida. And they'd say, you know, get lost.

Some of you know Spanish. And amazing things happened. To make a long story short, God slowly began to bring me more into balance. To be sensitive to my wife. To be sensitive to other people. The way they think.

Why they think the way they think. One of my greatest burdens is the way we write off other Christians because they are not the same as us. And some of you may write me off. Or maybe God will use me to just broaden your understanding a little bit that God works in different people in different ways.

And we're from different backgrounds. Now let me tell you just a little bit about my background. My father was not a believer, though he was seeking God. I'm from a Dutch Reformed church. My grandfather from the Netherlands was an atheist.

My other grandfather from Glasgow, Scotland was a drunkard. That marriage blew in two pieces in a horrible way. And my father immigrated from the Netherlands to New Jersey outside New York City. Many ways a good man, many ways a good father.

But we didn't know Christ. And we didn't know God. And there were times when I saw things happen even in my own home. New Year's Eve, some of those things, you know, just blew circuits in my head as a young man.

But I had been vaccinated with an infatuation with women from age four. Now this is a little hard to understand. Some of you can't relate to this, no problem. But I can remember age four, before I went to primary school, standing outside the window of the primary school waiting for this particular girl to come and sharpen her pencil.

By the time I was thirty, by the time I was sixteen, there were thirty-some different women that had blown my circuits in various degrees. It was, people call it puppy love, but it was real to this old young hound.

And by sixteen, and I don't say this lightly, I was hooked on pornography. Because in my society, the things I wanted to do were not acceptable. And I was trying, you know, I was a phony. In my community, I was in the YMCA.