(Ephesians) Christian Parenting, Part 1 — Jeff Noblit

Fathers and the Lord’s Instruction in Ephesians 6

Well Ephesians chapter 6 our verse I will preach on today is verse 4 Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. What Paul is doing here as he writes this letter to the church at Ephesus is he's giving a revolutionary new perspective on the social order.

What he's actually doing is bringing the truth to bear on the social order of man. Restoring if you will what was lost when Adam and Eve in Vance Havner's words aid us out of house and home in the garden.

We lost something there in Christianity we gain it back and begin a pilgrimage of implementing those high divine truths. That the world doesn't understand and scoffs at and mocks and ridicules. So you get to Ephesians chapter 6 and he continues talking about the social order.

But really if you look back at Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 and you go through chapter 6 verse 9 you have Paul talking about husbands and wives then parents and children rather children and parents is in that order and then slaves and masters or we could make the parallel today to employers and employees.

So the marriage relationship parent-child relationship the management labor relationship the social order but everything in that section of 522 through 6 9 is built upon 521 look at it again. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21 and Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ out of your new reverence.

Your new honoring of Christ, I like Piper's word this new treasuring of Christ that's occurred in our hearts now that we're converted because of that you now have both the desire and the capacity to be humble and Subject yourself to God's rule in God's standard and that is to be subject to one another let the other persons Be more important than yourself.

This isn't something you grit your teeth and do in the flesh. It's the outflow of the new man. So everything in 521 be subject to one another in the fear of Christ is built on 518. Look at 518 again. And do not get drunk with wine.

That's always a good idea. For that's dissipation but be filled with the Spirit and As I preached on that remember I told you it wasn't necessarily a you're supposed to look for this impersonal force.

This power called the Spirit that's going to come fill, you know, it really means develop a crush on God continually cultivate a crush like a teenage crush. A Teenager quote falls in love like that and you know what a teenager does when they really like someone they cultivate it.

They keep things and they have pictures and they have mementos and they exchange rings or whatever they do. But they cultivate that Crush on that person. That's what he's saying. Be full of God work at making sure your heart really loves God.

Now it certainly does it conversion, but you have to work on it also and Then Ephesians 5 18 is dependent upon all the glorious truths of the previous chapters. Particularly Ephesians chapter 1 and 2 where he talked about how we are saved by grace through faith and that not of ourselves.

It's the gift of God not as a result of works lest any man should boast so building on all of that he comes to this new revolutionary perspective on the social order and I say revolutionary because the The Greco-Roman world of this day was really out of balance as far as how truth is concerned on the social order.

And so Paul is saying to Christians you can get things back right back the way they're supposed to be in God's eyes. Now one of the things that is so true is that Christianity was the great liberator it liberated people from oppression under abusive and Oppressive people in authority whether it was a government or the marriage relationship or the parent-child relationship.

But the beautiful thing is Christianity does not liberate One from God's law because it is God's law. It is God's truth that the husband is the head of the wife. It is God's law. God's truth that parents are to be are to have children rather that obey them.

It is God's truth. It is God's law that the employee should work for the employer like working under the Lord so though he he Radically liberated people from oppression. He did not throw out the God-ordained structures.

He just showed how they ought to work. Jeremiah 31 33 says this. But this is the covenant which why I will make with the house of Israel after those days declares the Lord. I will put my law within them now notice that the law is not just external once you're converted in this new covenant.

The laws in you God gives you a new heart to embrace love and cherish his truth. I Put my law within them and on their heart. I will write it and I will be their God and they shall be my people. So this new revolutionary perspective that God is giving.

Submission to God-Ordained Authority

Let me just outline it. This way is that submission to God-ordained authority is still right? Paul makes that very clear. Because some Christians got out of balance when they were liberated in Christ and thought well wives don't have to honor the authority their husbands.

And and children where they're free now, they don't have to live under the oppression of these parents and and employees. They they have a new lease on life. They don't have to be so beaten down and oppressed.

Well, Paul does address that but he says no no, no the structures of authority remain. That's God's truth. We just got to get them functioning, right? So authority is still right submission to God-ordained authority is expected and required and Even more so now that we are changed from within by grace so that we have this spark of love for God.

Jonathan Edwards would call it a new affection for God that only true regeneration can produce. When you're counseling with someone and you wonder if they've really come to Christ. Don't just look for a concern to miss hell the flesh has that.

Look for something at least a spark of affection for God a desire for God a love for the things of God. And since we have that there should be even a greater zeal in us to honor his law concerning submission to authority.

But also that God requires in the Christian structures of authority. That those in authority love and never lord over those under them and never be oppressive. We are to lead those under us whether you're a husband or a parent or an employer.

For the glory of God and the good of those under you. So here's the beautiful balance. That is the revolutionary new perspective. That God gives to the social order in life. Now, let's go to the particular one we're looking at today and I call this Christian parenting and We may not get through with it this morning and if so, we'll leave the practical parts to next time.

Fathers’ Responsibility for Their Children

But he says here beginning in verse 4 and this will be our first major point. Roman numeral 1. Fathers are the ones responsible For their children. What I mean for their children the education the rear ring the development of their children.

Fathers and that's why he begins the verse in verse 4. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now I understand the Greek word here can sometimes refer to both parents and certainly both are included.

But you look at it over and over again. This verse is this words almost always just translated fathers and I believe there's a point that Paul is making here and that is that the responsibility lands on dad.

Dad has the chief responsibility. Fathers are the pastor of the home that to sink in for a moment think of it in those terms he's responsible to oversee and Chiefly lead in the education of the children now.

He may not be as hands-on as mom is because mom may have just more time with the children. But he's the one who is responsible and I want to say to this He is the one who will give an account at the judgment bar of God for that home.

You know what? That means guys. We're under pressure. It's awesome the task we're called to. Because I know I need the God Ordained truth of his word to help me be the father. I'm called to be because he's holding me responsible to be that I Know I need it.

So he says fathers you do all these things in the discipline and instruction. Then he has a little phrase I'm gonna hit on it many times of the Lord. Don't provoke them to anger. Bring them up in the discipline instruction of the Lord.

What it means is is that all education and a child rearing is to be centered on and Founded on the Lord. It's not dr. Spock and the Lord. It's the Lord and it's Spock don't fit the Lord. Spock gets left out.

It's of the Lord and By the way, Spock art Skinner or Freud or any of the rest of these Psychologists that don't fit our Lord. Our Lord is not intimidated by them and we don't need their godless insights.

We need God's truth in our homes. That's what we need. It's of the Lord now I'm not saying that psychology hasn't come up with some good ways to describe and understand some things. But they don't have the solution to things because they don't know who man is.

Man's made in the image of God with a spiritual nature and they divide that deny that man even has a spiritual nature. My goodness, you're gonna work on a car. You need to know what it is well. Today in our culture.

We certainly do not have a God-centered view of education. We have an overwhelming now I say education. I don't just mean the school I mean all of the instruction of our children church school home Etc.

If you just take the whole thing, it's very man centered. This deeply grieves me and it deeply troubles me and a lot of people don't get it, but I'm gonna say it till I die. We used to have a culture that even though many were pagan and non-christian. They were basically God-centered.

They viewed God the Creator as the center of all things. Everything is of him and from him and connected to him reach some of the old books of a hundred and fifty two hundred years ago not Christian books just books.

And you'll see just expression after expression after expression that everybody had something of a God centered perspective. Today brothers and sisters even in the church. We're very weak on being God centered.

It's all about man and it's all about man's needs and it's all about man's wants and it's all about man's desire. Listen brothers and sisters fallen man is blinded to his real need and he's warped and all of his desires.

We're to give man God's truth and what's the Holy Spirit of God? Turn man's heart and give him a hunger for God and truth not trust our creativity and ingenuity to somehow Bushwhack our our corral him into getting interested in God.

God is not interested in being made into an idol so that fallen wicked man might appreciate him. We must proclaim God as who he is with love and compassion and boldness and trust the Holy Spirit of God to bring the appetite of men toward the true God and That's Jesus building his church.

A God-Centered Education

Now getting back to education chasing a rabbit there, but it's a good rabbit to chase Education of our children the whole education of our children is so man-centered, you know the first Elementary school textbook for the youngest children in America was built on the catechism of the Protestant catechism as they taught children the ABCs they taught in the great doctrines of the faith.

Why it was God-centered. It was God-centered. Today we are tempted by the world the flesh and the devil to segment our lives like a pie. I mean one part one slice would be well. We need the this public school our schools in general to educate our children and in those types of things the basics of learning and then we need the church to that's another piece of the pie to educate our children on on Spiritual things and then in the home.

We'll try to take care of social education. And then if you have all the pieces of the pie, then you've got something going and you're doing pretty good friends. This is not God's plan. It's not God's plan.

It's all to be God-centered. All training comes within the discipline and instruction of the Lord now. I'm not saying it's not God's plan to go to church. So your children could be trained or send them to school.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying the philosophy behind it. It's we're not to be segmented like a pie we're to be more like a wagon wheel and the hub of the wagon wheel is God and The spokes are all the things that come out of that the school and the church and the home it needs to be God-centered and for God's glory and based on God's wisdom.

My point is this Fathers, we must lead our families to see that this is the case. We're responsible that our children are raised are Instructed are disciplined are educated with God as the center and the purpose of education being God in his glory.

Teaching Scripture in Everyday Family Life

The importance of instructing in the home and in everyday life cannot be overemphasized. Let me just emphasize this for a moment. Would you turn over to Deuteronomy chapter 6 right quick? Genesis Exodus Leviticus numbers then Deuteronomy and Deuteronomy chapter 6.

God is instructing Moses on how the children of Israel are to instruct their families and how they are to lead their families in Deuteronomy 6 beginning in verse 1 he says now. This is the commandment the statutes and the judgments Which the Lord your God has commanded me to teach you that you might do them in the land where you're going to possess.

I'm giving you a special land. You will be my special people in that special land and you fathers must make sure Your household knows my truth. Verse 2 so that you and your son and your grandson Might fear the Lord your God to keep all his statutes and his commandments.

Which I command you all the days of your life that your days may be prolonged. Can I add this in here? He didn't say the children's program would do this. He didn't say the student ministry would do this.

Those are wonderful and good. He's saying fathers. You must so teach your children that they fear God. Brother Jeff, I don't know that I'm doing very good there. I don't know if any of us are doing very good, but I tell you what you can do in grace.

You can keep striving. You can keep growing. You can keep understanding. You can keep changing and we can all keep doing better and one day as a church family. Maybe we can help the younger couples one day as a church family if we keep striving and if we keep growing.

And if we keep changing to be more biblical one day, we might get to normal Christianity. I Don't mean that ugly spirited. Just where it's normal that the men of the church Take responsibility to teach their children to fear the Lord.

I'm not saying you don't and I'm not saying I don't but I'm just saying we all probably need to grow a. Big part of that is bringing your children to a solid church. That's a big part of that. Of course, there's other parts also.

Let's go further verse 3. Oh Israel, you should listen and be careful to do it that it may be well with you. And that you may multiply greatly just as the Lord the God of your fathers has promised you in the land flowing with milk and honey.

Verse 4 here. Oh Israel the Lord our God. The Lord is one. Oh, here's the verse. You shall love the Lord your God all dads all dads all dads dads. Listen to me. Do you love him all dads if you don't love him everything you do is going to be holla and legalistic and brow-beating.

Because listen if you love him, you know what it means. It means you have been changed by his grace and as you firmly teach those children, you know what you're gonna do. You're gonna teach them with that humble heart that says I'm a wicked sinner to child and my Lord loves me by grace.

And though I have firm rules for you son, I want you to know daddy is a sinner that needed God's grace. All that's the key. We've got to love him. Has God been doing anything in your heart like that? He's been doing that in my heart.

He's been saying Jeff, you know. All the stuff really doesn't matter. Do you love me? And I want to tell you I love my Lord more today. Than I did a few months ago and that I did a few years ago and that makes me a better pastor.

But even more important God didn't just call me to be a pastor. God called me to be a dad. It makes me a better father. And I've still got a long way to go. But I'm heading that way you want to go with me.

I'm heading that way. For God's glory. Let's keep going. Well, you should love the Lord your God verse 5 with all your heart with all your soul with all your might. These words which I'm commanding you today shall be on your heart.

That's basically the scriptures or the Bible you could say Verse 7 you shall teach them diligently to your sons. Now when he says diligently, he doesn't mean a two-hour formal classroom. Matter of fact in the home.

I would discourage a lot of real formal sit-down study because it needs to be Incarnational it needs to be in the body. It needs to be in the lifestyle if it's real that it just come out all along through the day.

That's what makes it real. That'll help your children to know and love him and live for him. Because that's what he says here verse 7 you should teach them diligently to your sons. When you should talk of them when you sit in your house.

Maybe sitting around at mealtime or sit around and turn that one-eyed monster off and Talk a little bit talk about how this biblical truth applies to this situation and that biblical truth applies to this situation.

When you sit in your house. When you walk by the way when you're just going somewhere together. When you lie down in the evening as you're getting ready to retire when you rise up in the morning when they get up in the morning.

Now moms, we're not leaving you out. You are so fundamentally important, but dads must lead that principle in the home. Certainly, it's a team effort though. So homes need the father to take the responsibility for the education the whole.

Training of the child including if they go to school or if you home school or if you choose public education. And that may be a good choice for you, but you need to know what you're doing. Or if you choose private school or whatever you choose.

Fathers are responsible. Fathers are responsible in that household to know the scriptures. Sit under sound preaching and teaching so you can be matured. The greatest student ministry in the world is a sound pulpit.

That equips fathers who will love God and teach God's truth in their everyday life. Fathers who are weak or Homes where the fathers are absent are proven to be prone to failure. Paul Meyer of the Mindreth Meyer Clinic Said a vast majority of neurotics have grown up in homes where there was no father.

Where the home was dominated by the mother. You just can't improve on God's design. I Remember reading some time ago the statistic that men who became involved in the sin of homosexuality. Were much more likely to become involved in that if the father was absent or if the mother was dominant in the home.

Certainly not always but that's what the researcher said. They found out Fathers must take responsibility in the home. Now boy, there's nothing in me that wants to leave you feeling discouraged. There's nothing in me that wants to leave you feeling down because I want to say something.

I know a lot of you dads and you're doing a lot of stuff, right? I Sense the reality of your Christianity and it doesn't just get turned on when you're here. It's something that's real in you. And I just want to affirm you and I want to encourage you and I want to exhort you to stay the course.

Because there are a lot of voices out there today that are saying things like this. Just go to a big hotshot church and just get your kids in a good program. And then we dads can kind of be lazy and we can kind of be indifferent.

We can kind of be uninvolved and I want to tell you that is a lie from the enemy. Sure, we have a strong children's program and a strong student program. We're gonna always have one and that'd be a great blessing and asset to our our training as fathers.

But fathers we must keep growing and keep maturing. And what about sharing stuff together? What about sharing your ideas and how you do things and how you talk about the things of the Lord and Mostly how you give advice and counsel on how biblical truths apply and the everyday things of life like Deuteronomy 6 7 said.

When you walk by the way when you sit in your house when you lay down at night when you rise up in the morning. Why don't we dads and by the way? This goes for granddads and Great granddaddies. You know the job, you know, you don't retire and get through and just get to spoil your grandkids.

That and I understand the preciousness of grandkids. No, I don't understand the preciousness of grandkids, but I've seen a lot of you act foolish about your grandkids. So I understand it must be a wonderful thing and in God good.

But all take that grandchild of that great grandchild in your arms and lift your eyes to heaven and say God. Would you let me teach them of your glory? Would you let me show them how wonderful you are.

Would you let me show them the great wisdom of your word and yes play ball and yes go fishing and yes Get ice cream cones. But God helped me to train my children and my children's children and my children's Children's children to fear the Lord now.

Avoiding Anger-Producing Patterns in Parenting

Let's go to our second major point and that is the thing fathers must not do. The thing a father must not do. Paul makes it very clear here verse 4 of Ephesians 6 fathers do Not provoke your children to anger.

The word anger here has the idea of a continual exasperation a continual behavior. Our activities words on the part of the father. This includes mom to the father's just the one responsible that would Embitter that child's heart that would build a resentment within that child's heart that will eventually Splash over into angry outbursts and frustration.

Now I like that description because all of us fathers provoke at times. I Mean the best we can do. We're going to blow it at times and sort of provoke our children to anger. But we can avoid avoid lifestyle patterns in our child rearing that will eventually Establish such a churning hot resentment in that child's hot heart that they're going to overflow in anger resentment and rebellion.

So we must not do that. The word provoke here literally means to push them to Anger to drive them to extremes. Charles Hodge said it this way. Do not excite the bad passions of your children. Your children are fallen sinners.

I know they're precious and wonderful when they're in that little crib and you bring them home from the hospital. But you keep them six or eight months and you'll see that sin nature. Their selfish Anger comes naturally to them lying could become becomes natural to them.

Deception is natural to them. We fathers must make sure that we don't do things that will excite and stir up their fallen passions which include anger. Make sure Hodge says your conduct does not nurture evil and the heart of your child.

They've got enough evil in their heart already. Without us nurturing it now again. This is a revolutionary concept to the families of this day. John MacArthur states in his commentary that the families of this day were in shambles.

He said it was such a state that loving fathers would have been a concept almost unheard of in this day. For example a father could sell his child as a slave or he could have his child killed at will.

A Letter written in 1 BC that historians have a copy of a man writing to his wife said this heartiest greetings. Note that we are still even now in and in Alexandria. Do not worry if when all others return I remain in Alexandria.

I beg and beseech you to take good care of the little child and as soon as we receive wages I will send them to you if good luck to you. You have another child if it's a boy. Let it live. If it's a girl expose it.

That was common in the Roman culture. Seneca a renowned statesman in Rome living at the same time that Paul wrote the letter to the church at Ephesus. Said this and I quote we slaughter a fierce ox. We strangle a mad dog.

We plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed we drown pressure abuse of authority prominent in this culture. They said the custom was that a newborn child was laid at the father's feet.

If the father picked the child up it remained in the family remained in the household if he allowed it to lay at his feet. Then it would be Discarded. Typically they would be set out somewhere these babies would be gathered up and taken to a forum in the center of town.

Well, they would be bought and sold and bartered to be slaves and or prostitutes. Bizarre barbaric Practices about like what we have in America today when we kill about 1 .5 million unborn babies every year in this country.

Well, this is the context That Paul was writing to Deeply abusive culture and in that culture Paul says this revolutionary Contradictory statement. Fathers don't provoke your children to anger. That would have been wild weird strange for a father in the Roman culture to hear.

So again, once again, Paul is also pointing out the beautiful biblical balance. Children still must obey their fathers. But fathers should not provoke them to rebellion. You know. If you just throw out the concept of authority because the culture has gotten so Out of balance with the use of God-ordained authority.

Then that in itself becomes an abuse. If a child is raised without loving nurturing discipline instructions and corrections. Then that child does not know how to respond to God or know God or act respectably in the culture that in itself is abuse.

It's not one of the other the liberals see abuse and they go way over here and remove parental authority. Aren't you glad we've got the Word of God to give us the perfect balance that God and folks We need to live that balance and be a light to the world that God's wisdom is greater than man's wisdom.

Well God's Word word beautifully brings back to a solid balance parental authority. But parents must be the kind of parents who care love and nurture their children and do not provoke them to rebellion.

Nurturing Children in Love

Roman numeral three. We talked about the thing a father must not do that's provoke his child to anger. Thirdly the thing a father must do. The thing a father must do. Three points here. First of all from our text He says but bring them up.

Don't provoke them to anger, but bring them up. The scholars tell us that that word bring them up means to nurture to care for you bring them up. Maybe it's close to what someone would say what I was reared, you know here in the South.

I was reared down in Alabama. Well, I'm sorry. But anyway, I was reared so that might be a concept but nurture is a beautiful word I like to use here and what he's saying fathers instead of provoking them to anger.

Nurture your children with genuine love and see in the Roman culture. The only father that would have that kind of loving nurturing spirit would be a father who has been Regenerated under the preaching of the gospel and his hearts been changed.

Jesus lives in him and he could receive that. So the scripture says we're to nurture and nourish them not beat them into submission. Fathers, we must not have a heavy-handed Army sergeant spirit toward our children.

We're to be bringing them up nurturing them in love. There's a place for firm discipline. Don't misunderstand me, but we should not be marked by firm discipline. But by nurturing in love of our children, we must have love sympathy and compassion.

And I don't know any other way to do this than to make sure we have the time and the interest in them that they need. Boy, that's a battle in this day and age. Maybe because it will encourage some of you I have had to really repent of that in my own life.

And I have made some real changes in that first 10 or 12 years of my pastor and I gave myself to the ministry 60 70 hours a week was nothing. Totally gave myself to it and finally God got through to my thick head one day partly because of the gracious promptings of my wife and God said I didn't just call you to be a pastor.

I called you also to be a father. Some of you men out there. Maybe you're very driven like I'm driven and very focused like I can get focused and very Committed like I can be committed and that's good and that's a virtue but there's a balance.

If we're gonna bring up our children in the nurture. That love and compassion and care of the Lord. We're gonna have to make sure we have time and the involvement in their interest. You see that little child comes to us helpless.

That little child comes to us in a little package and we've got this little package in our hands. And it's like a it's like a ball of mold. You can fashion it into whatever you're going to fashion it into.

It's like a plate of silver. You can ingrain. Engrave rather on it what you're going to engrave on it. There must be Care and there must be control. The first thing Paul says here a radical statement to people of this day, but bring them up.

Which I Paraphrase amplify as nurture them in love now number two. Something that must be here Is in the discipline of the Lord? So I call this correct and discipline wrong attitudes and wrong behavior.

Correct and discipline wrong attitudes and behavior that must be there the word discipline that Paul uses here. It's the word I think the King James translates Chastening that means correction for wrongdoing wrong attitudes or wrong behaviors.

It's the same word God uses in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 7 where in Hebrews 12 7 he says it is for Discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with sons for what son is there whom his father does not discipline.

This is God disciplines us just like earthly fathers discipline us. Now the key phrase in this is in the Lord. Now see that turned everything upside down that turned everything on its head or I guess probably said it turned everything back around on its feet.

That means we are people Who fully trust the sufficiency of God's Word in the way we discipline or correct our children? Amen. If dr. Spock says anything that contradicts God's Word we leave off. Dr. Spock.

Are anybody else in the Lord? He says you see once we're saved. We're not our own. Once we're saved he is our Lord and under his Lordship we correct and we discipline. The way he says to discipline for the things he says to discipline in the spirit.

He would do the disciplining. So it's in the Lord according to the superior wisdom of God as revealed in his word some time ago there was a student that went to school and This student had an article of clothing on that's closely associated with rebellion or maybe even gangs and the principal of this school Told the child that they this was an older child student that they could not wear that at the school.

It was against policy. Do you know what that child's father did an arrogant un-christian foolishness. He put the same article of clothing on himself and went to lunch one day daring the principal to address him about it.

That father ought to be taken out behind a barn and beaten somewhere. He ought to set his child down and said son even if the rule is unreasonable in this household we respect authority. And I love you.

I'll defend you if you're right, but son. We won't wear that in the school any longer and furthermore I may call the principal and thank him for enforcing good standards in this school. You raise your children in the discipline of the Lord not in the discipline of your small human fleshly fallen reasoning.

Whatever else you teach your children you teach your children to honor God ordained authority or you will wreck and ruin their lives. In the Lord. We say God's Word is superior. Not my feelings not my attitude not my silly little and some of you men.

Can I say this lovingly but I want to say it strongly some of you men got the emotions of a silly little girl. You little emotions get over here and you get over here little emotion get over here. Be a man of God stand like a rock get a backbone.

Look at the Word of God lovingly leads your family, but firmly leads your family on the Word of God. In the Lord he says. Is that too strong preaching? In the Lord. Well, you know what that means that means we're gonna have to study the Bible but I can help you a whole lot if you just come hear me preach and That's why God calls preachers to help fathers lead their families and preachers will answer for the fathers.

Did they really preach them the truth or tickle their ears and then fathers will answer for their children and their wives? Did I put my family in a church that really preached the truth and helped me to lead them in the Lord?