The Most Excellent Way — Erlo Stegen

Let's pray. Thank you for this opportunity, Lord, that we can be here today, having been protected by you. We ask you to be present among us in a special way, and let your name be glorified. We might witness you and see you.

For we know, Lord, that you are going to return for the great wedding in heaven. Grant, Lord, that that bride, for that special day, would be busy preparing for it. So work, Lord, in our hearts that we might be prepared for that day to meet our heavenly bridegroom.

Joseph and Mary’s Purity Before Marriage

Amen. We read according to the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 1, verse 18. Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows. After his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with the child of the Holy Spirit.

I'd like to speak about that part where it says, not having come together. Now in the Greek, it does not imply that they had intercourse before saying that they didn't have intercourse. That's not the reference.

It's not even referring to a sexual coming together, which we see so often in our world, where it's become rotten to the core. Because some might say, well, I'm a true virgin. Meantime, they're having affairs and they are busy with heavy petting late at night.

And it's become almost the culture that if the girl falls pregnant, wherever she is in the city, maybe she's working there, she has the baby to send back home for the grandmother to look after. That is just not acceptable to God.

That type of coming together is anyway so wicked. You are a pagan before God, even if you're wearing Western clothing. It doesn't Christianize you.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 11,.

I burn with the jealousy of God in my desire to see you presented as a virgin to the bridegroom. I want to bring you before Christ as a pure virgin. If it refers to not having come together, it means that the girl is absolutely pure in that way.

She is truly a virgin, the same with the young man, that has never been busy with the opposite sex. Here it is spoken of Joseph and Mary, that she was pregnant or was with child before they came together.

And this particular phrase, to come together, is found in quite a few places in the Bible.

Now, in 2 Corinthians 11,.

When it refers in the Corinthian letter of coming together as a church to celebrate the Lord's Supper, in no way is that coming together explained by a sexual, has any hint of sexuality. And then we also find in the Corinthian letter, where it says, if you come together, in other words, it's a meeting.

And of course, that has no sexual implications. So Joseph and Mary were not visiting each other. Neither was Mary the pal of Joseph or Joseph the pal of Mary. They didn't have that girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, which is a Western idea.

Neither did they come together with a, well, we pals and we have our secret intimate, talk together, there was no communication on that level at all. Not this, like, do you find cell phone SMSing to each other?

They kept themselves pure. Till the day of marriage. For the bride wears a pure or snow white garment and a veil. So as it is now done in marriage, that snow white gown and the veil of purity means that she has not been touched by a man.

The veil meaning purity, meaning absolute purity, virginity in the truest sense of the word. In Zulu culture, it used to be the practice that a girl remained a virgin right till the day of marriage. Today it has changed, it is hidden by Western clothing and it's like a grave that looks attractive on the outside but inside are just bones and rottenness.

And in Christianity the standard is higher, we mustn't attach ourselves to a cultural value, but in Christianity it means virginity in the truest sense of the word of no touching and no relationship in that way.

Purity Before God Includes the Thoughts of the Heart

Now virginity we mean before God and not just before mankind or humankind. Remember that in Christianity to God even a thought is a deed. You are what you think, what comes from the deepest part of you.

Now the Jews had their particular tradition and their culture. A certain rabbi wrote to his son or explained to his son how the Jewish tradition of engagement or betrothal was. If a boy was going to get married to a girl, the man and his family would come and come to the future bride's place and the family of the girl would be there and it would be a very big occasion.

And in their coming together there was a particular cup and there was something which they poured into it. They didn't practice the culture of rings, giving each other rings. So from this dish, which was a cup, the bridegroom, the one who was going to get married would drink from it and so too would the future bride and then it was considered as a public betrothal.

After that the young man, around which this occasion was, he would go with his family back to their home. He was apart from the girl, he was not in contact in any way. And so there wasn't any form of communication.

Now I use cell phone to put it in a modern day allegory, but it means that they had no contact with each other whatsoever. And they did it before Almighty God, that before God Jehovah they were being watched and God was their witness in their purity.

And that is, I was watchful over all of the earth. His eye which sees not only the outward person, but sees right into the very being, into the thoughts and the heart of a person. And there was that parting after the betrothal, there was not visitation between them.

And that which they did, they did before God's all-seeing eye, which sees even the thoughts and it was a healthy practice because if a couple come together and chat with each other, touching each other, holding hands, they are only asking for trouble, rousing what is impure and they sin before God.

God’s Watching Eye and Discipline of Children

One day I was in a certain place and there were little children playing. Now you know how children are apt to fight with each other and scratch at each other? Now I was in a house and then I looked through the window, I opened the window and all I did was to look and stare at them.

One of these boys was the ringleader, so to say, and he was the one who was pushy and bullying. They were not aware of my watching them, but my eye was upon them. And then this particular ringleader, this one who had the most cheek, his eye met mine and as he looked at me he got a fright.

His cheekiness disappeared, his bullying stopped immediately, it was like he was instantly stopped and bound and stopped bullying around. And then what he did was he continued to every now and then take a glance at me and I just continued to watch them.

And so what he would do is he would just continue playing but every now and then he would glance at me to see whether I was still checking on them and that sort of bound his behaviour. I just stood watching.

Their naughtiness and their pinching each other and scratching each other stopped completely for they were just aware that there was an eye upon them. For that child knew that I wouldn't stay silent about it, that I would use punishment on him.

And the boy knew that if I didn't give punishment that I would report him to his parents and say your child, your son has been naughty. And if I reported a child to the parents I would expect parents to take action, I would expect them to do something which will stop that type of behaviour otherwise their child will grow up and be a rebel.

A Wife’s Conduct and a Husband’s Conversion

So let us remember that the eye of God is upon us. The Lord sees us. If we keep that in mind we will behave properly. I remember visiting a certain lady very far away. She had got saved, the husband not.

So the father kept himself distant from the Lord and so he would just isolate himself and the wife in counselling should say please pray for my husband. Why should he accept the gospel, he is making life difficult for me.

And then he didn't want to know anything about the gospel and I wouldn't be welcome to visit them. But one day I just felt that I should visit. And I asked the Lord please Lord be with me I don't know what to expect whether I'll be spat upon or he'll set the dogs loose on me or what will happen but Lord be with me.

As I stood outside and I knocked the man opened the door and I was expecting anything to take place. And I was astonished I was taken aback at the kindness and the warmth of the friendliness of this man he asked me to come in he was so courteous.

And he took me into their lounge and quite a bit away from the lounge was the kitchen. The wife was busy and she was kneading the flour for bread. We were sitting together there and then he called his wife and said come and see who's here because he knew that it would be a joyful surprise for her that I her minister had come.

But she didn't come. He called again inviting her saying please come come in a hurry. And she shouted from the kitchen shut up you man I'm busy here. And then again he called and said come come quickly wife.

And again she called out ah man what a disturbance what a nuisance you are. But then she came along and she suddenly saw who was there. Then she was instantly sweetened her behavior changed in a moment and she showed sudden kindness so we chatted drank tea and when he went out for a moment I said to her what you've been telling me that he's the problem.

You know now that you yourself you are the problem as the Christian. And so I said to her look you've been telling me to pray asking me to pray for her husband so often and I said in the future I will refuse such prayer.

I will only pray for him once you repent. She asked for prayer she said please pray for me that I wouldn't ever be such a wife again. And then he came to the Lord there wasn't an instant repentance when she changed and truly lived as a Christian he came to the Lord not only as a Christian he became a great friend of mine.

And I visited him very often he at my place and I went to him. So if you are as a wife you complaining about your husband and you are here in this audience don't complain rather start by looking at yourself when you complain that he doesn't want to get saved and he's just a drunkard well what do babies do anyway if they cry they want the bottle.

And if you isolate him like that and you continue to complain and murmur like that you're actually chasing your husband away. The prostitute will treat him kindly with kid gloves and you carry your own guilt if you chase him away with your behavior.

Betrothal, the Father’s Authority, and Christ’s Return

So now returning to the Jewish tradition which I've been speaking of after that special ceremony of betrothal they would that means the future bridegroom and future bride would go back to their homes with their families.

And the man the father of the home would say now son you're going to get married start building a home. And he didn't have the right the young man to decide for himself on the day of marriage. And even if he finished his house that wasn't his right to go and do his own thing no he had to wait until the father said now is the right time son you can go and fetch your bride.

The son wouldn't say and he would not know and he would not declare the day or the date but the father was the one in authority who would know which day he could go for his bride. Do you remember when Jesus addressed his disciples and he promised them I'm going home to build a home a house for you a mansion.

And when I've built that home I will come and fetch you. And Jesus said that hour that day no man knows only the father knows. And Jesus was saying even as the son I don't have that authority. To the Jews it was the language which they understood the Lord's Lord made it made himself very clear.

I don't know with you maybe there are some who haven't yet got engaged. And you already in the habit of saying I don't have that authority. There's the habit of visiting each other there's the petting the sexuality the sin of sexual looseness and you have lost your purity.

And the girl might think well my parents aren't here they don't know what's happening and so she would feel that she's in you might feel like it's invisible secret but remember the eye of him the eternal one who is upon you.

The punishment you receive from that type of reasoning is not my punishment but the Lord says I will cut that person in pieces. You've heard how uncle Martin introduced the bridal pair and how he said that Octavia from when she was a little child till now she has been so faithful and pure and the young man as well.

The Bridal Garment, Virginity, and Social Judgment

A certain girl that I know got engaged ready to get married and the parents of the bride bought her a very expensive bridal gown. And then when they had completed the finishing off and the ornaments on this white gown she that is the bride noticed that there was a small little spot of dirt.

She She She She She. As it got closer to the date of the marriage when She knew that that dress the gown was symbolizing absolute purity meaning that she hasn't been touched. And And And the bridal gown the white bridal gown and the veil symbolize absolute purity meaning the girl is actually saying I have not been touched by any man I have you are the very first.

And also meaning that I'm not scrap I'm not second hand and cheap and the father of the bride.

Who is the way I see.

And as we see how the father unveils the bride lifting the bridal veil he says to his daughter you can get married now. I don't know whether you parents daughters you and children whether you understand and hear me correctly.

Men do you hear me. It don't be busy. Because my story don't go. In traditional.

In traditional Zulu custom it was that the girls were inspected regarding their virginity if she was found to be impure the people that would see it as she came out and it's declared that their virginity is not a virginity.

Declared she's impure would spit on the ground and say she has misbehaved, she's an outcast, making herself an outcast. And if those who are inspected are found to be virgins, there is such joy, the girl is ecstatic with joy, she dances for joy as she jumps to touch a white flag that is put on that custom occasion and she runs to the chief's home.

And now there is great debate about it and the government is saying that that is forbidden and you can see that impurity wins the day and you'll find that the worm of impurity has already destroyed much.

It is so wicked and difficult in the world.

It is so wicked and difficult in the world. It is so wicked and difficult in the world. It is so wicked and difficult in the world. It is so wicked and difficult in the world. It is so wicked and difficult in the world.

It is so wicked and difficult in the world. It is so wicked and difficult in the world.

Abortion, Repentance, and Holy Living

Now just in summary, the dowry price of 11 cattle would be lessened, but only 10 if she's got a child already. She would be cheapened and the total dowry price was paid for what she was worth, so to say, in that tradition.

But now I don't know how they handle it because so many have already destroyed and killed the babies that are so close to their hearts through abortion. Have you ever seen, for instance, The Silent Scream, the film that depicts a baby where it tries to cry out as these instruments are inserted to tear it to pieces.

You are guilty before God and unless you confess that sin, you will be in hell forever. For murderers, do not go to heaven. And unless you repent of this sin, whatever you have done, even if you have been involved in sexual immorality, you can repent and plead for forgiveness.

He can forgive and that he makes you a brand new creature again and then that you live from then a holy life. And so, having been saved, that you then live a holy life in preparation for the bridegroom who comes soon.

Now, if you are involved in other types of sexual immorality, that too needs to be dealt with. Some might bring in another lover when the spouse is absent and that too must be confessed and departed from.

And so, having been saved, that you then live a holy life in preparation for the bridegroom. Now, if you are involved in other types of sexual immorality, that too must be dealt with.

This is a totally inclusive, it means you, whoever you are, the message of purity is from the Lord for you as those who accompany, maybe the bridesmaids and the flower girls, you in the audience, whether you are male or female, whoever you are, this is what the Lord expects of you.

He wants you to be pure and holy. Now, in closing, Some might ask the question, well, if it's no going out together and getting to know the other one, how will I get married to that person in an unknown territory?

Deception in Courtship and the Call to Marital Faithfulness

And some use the justification of this type of thing where they say, look, if you go to the shop, you inspect the product first. You don't just buy a thing like a bag of flour. You don't just accept that at the top it's white and it's all the same.

Instead, you say, how can you just buy something without knowing first what it's all about? Now, the merchantmen who would deliberately pack the flower of second grade quality right to the top, and then you would add the first grade so that you would try and bluff and deceive.

Your visitation, visiting each other. You're visiting each other and getting to know each other to whatever degree it might mean, whether it's just there with each other or it's gone right to the full intercourse, you are making yourself impure and you'll find that you jailing yourself.

And there is nothing as deceitful as a man who is wooing a bride. Tell you and promise you the earth and whatever else in his wooing you. Of course, he will use words of deception. There's a proverb in Zulu which says, you young bride, you are very nice and kind and sweet when you first came, but after a while you got used to your husband and you kicked him.

Now, you saw at the beginning of the service how there was much joy and expressed in such a way eululation and happiness. You Western people don't get scared. It's not that a fight is breaking out. It is simply a Zulu tradition of expressing joy.

You've seen you as the bride, how joyful they are of the family of the bridegroom, your bridegroom and how that they welcome you with such joy. Let that joy be forever. Let it not be that. And so let that joy continue on both sides.

The bride, the bridegroom, let your mother-in-law, let from both sides, let her and the father-in-law, whoever it is in the family, treat them now as your own family so that there would be joy forever and joy in heaven above all.

And don't be the reason for any distancing of yourselves from your parents or your in-laws from either way. It should never be the case that you distance your spouse from the family. And so as you've begun well, you must end well too.

And let the joy and every symbol of joy. I see the wonderful cars and the balloons on the cars, everything to symbolize happiness and joy. Word to you, if you don't continue in that vein, that there's joy forever.

And so to the families, let that delight and joy and the unilation continue and that there's joy from your family, whichever side, and let it be that there's happiness that comes about. So to the family of the bride, it's not that you losing her, your daughter, that in fact, you have gained a son, not as a son-in-law, but he's your son.

The Most Excellent Way: Persevering in Purity

I would be thrilled if this, which I have said, and all that you've heard wouldn't just be by the hearing of the ear, but that you truly understand it. So remember that the biblical standard is the most excellent way.

It is not down there in where you are in the gutter. I and so we are not called as Christians to try and match the lowest common denominator, but rather the most excellent way, that which is pure and given by God.

And so, as we've read in our text, before Joseph and Mary, before Mary was with child, without coming together, she was with child. Do you understand it better now? And so you should strive for the most excellent way.

There shouldn't be the, that you say, well, we're going to go out and touch each other a bit. No, because that only stimulates you. It drives sexuality so that it should, it becomes wrong and wicked and you lose your purity before God.

The last judgment will make it perfectly clear in the brightness of that judgment, exactly how you are, what type you are. If there is impurity in the heart, whatever you've done, God will judge it. It'll be clear and evident for everyone.

Shall we pray? Lord, I cried to you in asking that you would make this to be true in reality, in such purity to every single person and parents that they would bring their children up in this way. Amen.

Amen.