On Eagles' Wings Pt 456 — Don Courville

A number of years ago, a young lady made this statement, Now, God has given us an exciting ministry of counseling couples with marital problems. He brings them to us. We're so thankful. Heavenly Father, we ask that today, on this program of Own Eagle's Wings, you'd open up our minds and our hearts to hear the Spirit, what the Holy Spirit has to say to us in regard to our marriages.

We thank you that you love us. We thank you that you give us life through Christ. We pray for any that do not know Jesus as their Savior, that they would come to know Him personally. We thank you for your Word.

Marriage as a Lifelong Covenant

We ask that your Word would minister to us. We thank you for the testimonies of those of which your Word has changed their lives. In Jesus' name, amen. We started off a number of weeks ago on a series on marriage and divorce, and today, I want to share a story or two with you, as we have time, and then just let you get in on the power of the principle of God's Word, the marriage principles, to change lives.

God has given us these principles in the Word, and we've been going through the Scriptures, showing us, we've been looking at Scriptures, how God has instructed that marriage is a type of the Church. Marriage is to be for, till death will end that marriage.

That's the only ground of which a couple could get remarried. We've been showing you that, actually, the standards that the world has out there, and many believers, too, are standards that are not biblical in regards to marriage and divorce.

In other words, the Word of God teaches, and this is what we've been going over the last few weeks, is that when a man and woman get married, the only thing that will end that marriage will be death. And we've established that from the Scriptures.

Paul, two times, very clearly said that death would be the only thing that would end that marriage. I'll take you back to one passage, just by way of quick review, and we want to get into the stories, testifying of the power of God.

Actually, I have several stories. Now, we've been building through these principles on how to rebuild your marriage, and now I want to give you some testimonies of the fact that these principles work.

But remember, God said in Romans 7, For the woman which hath a husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth. But if the husband be dead, she is loose from the law of her husband. So then, if while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress.

But if her husband be dead, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Now, I'm going to share with you this testimony of this young woman, as she went into the struggles of her marriage.

A Marriage Built on Appearance and Materialism

Now, that statement that I read to you at the very first, where she said, Now, God has given us an exciting ministry of counseling couples. You would not believe that that would have been possible if you would have seen the first part of this story.

Because the story starts out about her marriage. She was married in the spring of 1964. She said that she was just out of high school. And her husband had finished three years in the Marine Corps. And she said, as she looked back, she knew that he loved her, but she didn't love him.

She just wasn't sure about that. She said, did I love him? I'm not sure. And what happened in the next few years was just nothing but probably a common story among many lives. She went on and she said, God blessed us with two beautiful children.

To every one, we were the ideal couple. We had a nice home, new car, nice things. All this materialism was our search for happiness. Behind closed doors, however, our lives were empty. We tried everything to make our marriage work.

My husband sent me cards and flowers and showered me with gifts. This only created more financial problems. Every Saturday night, we went out for entertainment. This became the highlight of our week. It was the one time to get away from it all.

But we still weren't happy. And I might just stop right here and make a statement. In our churches, in our lives, one of the things that does not produce the power of Christ is hypocrisy. We can pretend and maybe fool those around us, but we don't fool ourselves.

And for sure, we don't fool our mate. And absolutely for sure, we don't fool God. And so here you have a testimony of a young lady opening up her heart to share what had happened in her life. And in the end of the story is how Christ changed her life.

And I'm saying this to you, that God can rescue your marriage. We had this letter asking, what do you do after you've been divorced? You move into being a rebuilder. And here's the process of being in a tragic situation.

And maybe this one is like yours. Maybe it's not. I'm sure that every situation has different tenets to it in the marriage and divorce struggle. But when we take our stand in the Word of God and we stand there, and you're going to see how she has to make a choice, a very hard choice.

Then that stand, well, God will honor our stand on the Word of God. She said, Immorality soon crept into both of our lives. By 1972, there were hurts, bitterness, lack of trust, and no communication. I left my husband for another man.

This man left his wife and children for me and filed for divorce. By this time, my health was poor. And less than one week after my divorce was filed, I was in the hospital for my third surgery in 15 months.

The other man's divorce never became final. He missed his children. In a few months, he decided to try for a reconciliation. As a divorced woman now alone, I had to find a means of supporting the children and myself.

My doctor advised against any work for at least a year to allow me to regain my strength. But I saw no alternative. The job I got was hard work. Some days I had to work 10 to 12 hours. During this time, I tried dating but was quickly discouraged by improper advances.

They became my only reason for existence. I was lonely and depressed. Excuse me, I left out something she said here. I secluded myself from everyone but my children. They became my only reason for existence.

I was lonely and depressed. She went on to say my depression became more frequent. My whole life was my children. Yet the time for them was so scarce. I took them to the daycare center in the morning and when I got home in the evening, they were ready for bed.

Soon I began to feel like a failure as a mother and the guilt for this whole situation became very heavy. By this time, my former husband was dating another woman. He offered to take the children on weekends so I would not have to worry about a sitter.

The children looked forward to these weekends because my husband and the woman he was dating had time to spend with them. I began to think that they would be better off with their father. In my state of mind, suicide seemed the only answer.

I had access to many pills. My doctor had prescribed many tranquilizers and pain pills. I became obsessed with them. I had already figured out the how. I wasn't irrational. I continued to work every day.

Hearing the Gospel and Receiving a Second Chance

Then in 1973, at the point of final desperation, I heard the gospel and became a Christian. And this is the key to life. Christ. He's the one that puts your life back together. He is the one for giving you life.

Without him you don't have life. This is what the scripture says. He that has the Son has life. So she heard the gospel. In three weeks that followed, she learned about a basic youth seminar that was to be held that month.

She wanted to go, but she needed to know more about the Lord and the Savior. So she decided that she'd go. She didn't have the extra money, but God provided a place for her at the group rate. And just the exact amount came in for her.

She said, I asked my former husband if he would stay with the children so I could go. He agreed. This really surprised me. We usually avoided conversation since each one had led to a quarrel. That week he was super.

He even had snacks ready for me as I rushed home from my work early to change clothes and get to the seminar on time. I have to admit that the seminar wasn't easy for me, especially Friday and Saturday.

I sat with a pastor and his wife who only reinforced what Mr. Gothard said, that God's will for me was to remarry my former husband. I cried a lot after those sessions. I could see no way, nor did I want a reconciliation.

There were too many hurts. Besides, my former husband had someone else. I, too, had found someone that I was beginning to care for a great deal. That week changed many things. I shared my notebook and what I had learned that week with my former husband.

We were able to talk without fighting, but there was still this other woman, which was fine with me as I felt nothing romantically. Everything I had ever felt was dead. Yet the words in 1 Corinthians 7, 10 through 11 haunted me.

Let not the wife depart from her husband, but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife. My former husband began to see a change in me.

He told me of a time right before he boarded a ship for overseas when a chaplain had given him an invitation to accept Christ. He had prayed to receive Christ, but they left on the ship, and the chaplain stayed behind.

He had never had any follow-up or growth, but he desired to go to church. So we began our search for a church. And she continues with this. She said, The guilt that raged inside me was awful. I felt that I loved another man, but even he told me that my place in God's view was with my first husband.

It was a hard lesson for me to learn to walk by faith, not feeling. In 1974, I finally agreed to remarry my former husband. Till death do us part. And this is what we've been saying, folks. The Bible teaches till death do us part.

When you take a vow, then a vow before God is binding. Prior to that, she said, we both attended a basic seminar together. It was my second time and his first. We both learned a lot and heard a lot that we didn't want to hear.

We realized we had a big job ahead of us. We would have to change completely the habit patterns of our old life. Now, let me inject here. Remember, I'm sharing these things, some thoughts and guidelines out of a rebuilder supplement, which is a supplement to a manual on rebuilding your marriage using Bible principles for your marriage.

And we've been sharing these things with you for the last few weeks. One letter we'd received from a man was, What do you do after you've gone through an experience of a divorce? Well, you build your life.

Rebuilding Marriage Through Grace and Obedience

You build your life back by the grace of God. And the testimony here is this couple ended up, by the grace of God, and going through some very painful procedures of obedience, ended up being a great help in the church.

And this is what you can do. You may not be able to hold positions in leadership because of the guidelines of Scripture, but there is a place for you. So don't be discouraged that there's not a place for you.

Sin is sin. But the marriage-divorce area disqualifies men, certain men, from holding positions of elders and deacons. And when we violate those principles, then we bring in repercussions into our family.

Now, let me get back to their testimony. We would have to change completely the habit patterns of our old life, they said, that life had led to the destruction of our first marriage. The temporal values and the seeking after our own fleshly desires.

We would have to stop taking from one another and start giving to one another. From expecting to have our own needs met, to seeking to understand and meet our mate's deepest needs first. God showed both of us areas in which we had failed, but by his grace and because of his life, we saw hope.

And this is what we want to tell you. By God's grace, there is hope and there is life. That seminar opened doors of communication between us. It permitted honest discussion in areas that before had been locked up, closets of bitterness.

But hard as I tried, she said, I could still feel no love for him. She went on to say the next months flew by. As the day of our wedding grew nearer, I have to say in all honesty that I searched for a way out.

Our son became quite ill two days before the wedding. I mentioned postponing the wedding to our pastor, and he absolutely and flatly refused. Now as I look back, I realize that Satan didn't want that wedding either.

And he was busy working out circumstances to make it look as if Satan's will were God's will. I thank and praise God that he is the blessed controller of all things. He was answering the faithful prayers of those in the church who were closest to us in that situation.

The wedding day was probably one of the worst days of my life, she said. I felt trapped, forced into a marriage to someone I didn't even love. When I realized that I would have to consummate the marriage that night, I became so upset and nervous that I was actually physically ill.

It was all they could do to get me to the church and then to get me down the aisle. I wanted to run. I nearly passed out twice during the ceremony. The pressure made my head feel as if it were about to explode.

The only word to describe the first 18 months of our remarriage is horrible. Now let's keep going. That's not the end of the story. Maybe that's the point in your marriage where you feel like you're at the horrible point, but you can get to the blessed point if we'll follow scriptures.

We were both miserable. God had so much to teach us, but I don't think I was really teachable. I think I was angry at God. Instead of surrendering my will, I fought him at every turn. Rebellious would perfectly describe my spirit.

Naturally, the depression continued, but God's spirit continued to work. The harder I tried to love my husband, the harder it got. He wasn't being the spiritual leader he had promised to be, and I felt defrauded.

Submission, Surrender, and the Work of the Holy Spirit

It was 1 Peter 3 that God used to change my attitude. God showed me that it was my job to love my husband and God's job to change my husband. God further showed me that I was trying to do the job of the Holy Spirit.

This alone was enough to stop God's work in my husband's life. I repented and asked God to forgive me for my rebellious and selfish spirit. I asked for his help in being a submissive wife and in developing the qualities that would be precious and pleasing in his sight.

I acknowledged my inability to love my husband. I asked God to forgive me for my root sin of taking control of my own life. The key was in surrendering my will to God. He loved my husband, so I asked God to love him through me.

She went on to say, Did you catch that? Once God began to get through to her in the area of being submissive, yielding of her rights, her expectations, her emotions, her endowed being, all this, then God began to work in her husband's life.

Many times, you will be the key to getting the other person back to the Lord. She went on to say, became my key to control my emotions. When I would doubt my love for my husband, I would verbally confess facts of faith.

When I would find myself relying on feelings, I would thank God for the deep love he had given me for my husband. Whenever I vacuumed, I would speak positive affirmations of our new love. Our spirit-to-spirit relationship, our growth as one, and our godly actions and reactions toward each other and toward our children, when surrounded by others, she said, and flooded with doubts, I would retreat to my room, rebuke the negatives, and speak the truth in my heart.

I still find it amazing the power we have in our tongues. With our words, we can minister life and health or death to one's spirit, even our own. She went on to say, Like all marriages, we still have difficult days, but now I can honestly say I love my husband.

Quite a difference from when we started out, wasn't it? Now I know what love is. It is not a feeling or an emotion. It is a choice we make, an act of our wills. When I walked down the aisle, it was not because of a feeling or a desire.

It was an act of my will in obedience to God and His Word. I praise and thank God for the victory of that day and for the gift of growing faith that has resulted since that day. You see, as we've been sharing the principles of God's Word on marriage and divorce, our first step is to line up with what God says.

And if we're lined up and everything's fine, then that's great. Let's praise the Lord and thank Him for His mercy in our lives and His grace in helping us to keep our marriage right. But if we've been wrong, then we confess where He shows us that we're wrong, and then we do what we're supposed to do at that point and go on.

If you're all right in your marriage and everything, then you're there to help guide others. If you have gone off the track, then you go back on the track where you got off, and you rebuild your marriage the best you can, as far as you can scripturally, and then God will use that rebuilding as a testimony.

Healing, Ministry, and Breaking Generational Patterns

She went on to say this in the closing paragraphs of this letter. She said, Now God has given us an exciting... Well, first of all, she said, I miss my husband when he is away, because a part of me goes with him.

Remember, this is what the Lord taught. They shall become one flesh, heart to heart. He complements me and makes me whole. Every day I find God giving me more love for my husband, this man toward whom I had lost all love and respect.

Now God has given us an exciting ministry of counseling couples with marital problems. He brings them to us. We're so thankful for the seminar and the principles we have been able to share. We have brought many couples to the seminar and have seen the healing power of God through the ministry.

Both of our children are growing Christians and have led several of their friends to Christ. By the way, this seminar comes into this area up in the Kansas City area, Tulsa, Springfield, down in the Rogers Fayetteville area.

This seminar is a powerful tool for ministering to Christians and to churches and to marriages. She had this last statement on this letter. She said, Divorce has run on my side of the family as far back as I have been able to trace.

This is one of the things that helped me choose remarriage. I prayed that through that act of obedience, God would cause that chain of sin to be broken. My husband and I believe that this is part of the heritage we are now able to leave to our children and to their children.

One of the saddest things is to see a generational sin continue from generation to generation to generation. It may be alcoholism, it may be some other drug abuse, or some other thing, or divorce as the case here.

But if God has been opening up your eyes to this, then you may be the one. God may be speaking to you today to break this chain. Now, one more brief story from a father's viewpoint. This is how a father rebuilt what his pride had destroyed.

A Father's Repentance and the Restoration of His Family

Starting off, he said this, My wife no longer loved me. My oldest daughter had run away from home. My second daughter desired the things of the world. My youngest daughter's self-image was shattered.

The division and tensions in our home was destroying all of us. Now, can God put back a marriage that's in that kind of shape? Well, let's see what his testimony is. He said, My desire had always been to be a good Christian and to follow the teaching of Scripture.

But by February of 1973, I realized that I was a failure as a husband, a father, and a Christian. My wife and I discussed divorce many times. Even now, my heart breaks as I remember the contention and destruction that my failures brought upon my family.

One day, a friend told me of the change in his wife after she attended a basic seminar. He suggested that I attend. I did register, but later I wanted to cancel when I realized that I would have to ride 200 miles each night for the seminar.

However, because I had already sent in my money, I decided to go. Each night of the week, I drove 100 miles to the seminar and 100 miles home. My wife was skeptical. She remembered the many other religious meetings I had attended, which had not had any lasting results.

But as the week progressed, I began to see hope for myself and my family through the principles of Scripture. This is a seminar where the principles of Scripture are taught in application to life. And he went on to say this.

For the first time, I realized that I was responsible for the mess that my life and my family were in. But God was giving me a second chance. If I applied the principles I was learning... Excuse me. He said, God was giving me a second chance if I applied the principles that I was learning.

And that's probably a big if there. Many times we get things into our mind, but we don't apply it. It never hits our heart. It never gets into our life. He said, I wept before God and dedicated myself to His plan, no matter what the cost.

I yielded my possessions and my family to God. I went to all those whom I had wronged and asked for forgiveness. God was so gracious as each one forgave me. I began to look at my life, my church, and my job from a new perspective.

Everything became new and exciting. He said, the week after I attended the seminar, God led me to memorize 1 Corinthians 13. God, in all His goodness, knew that my pride was preventing me from His best.

So He had to deal with that area first. A week later, He humbled me with a phone call. My oldest daughter called to tell me she was pregnant and wanted to come home. Previously, my response would have been hard and unforgiving.

But God had turned me around to see His ways. This call was a horrible blow to the pit of my stomach. After the call, I fell across the bed and wept, because I knew that it was my failure as a father which was responsible for her condition.

Family Leadership, Scripture, and the Word of God

And this is what we've been saying for years. We as fathers and husbands are responsible for our families to lead them to be a proper example. If we have a position and we're not qualified for that in the church, it will affect our families.

It will affect our churches. It will affect the lives. And what we're doing today is we're reaping a crop of immorality because we've sowed ungodly principles among our families, among our children, and in our churches.

Many have said, Now, it won't matter. Just be cool. This is the way people are doing it. Well, God's Word doesn't change. But what I find is that we like to change God's Word if we don't like it. And whenever we want to accept God's Word and change it, then we'll pay the consequences.

Many have said, Well, it doesn't matter that we've got these other versions out here that are so different from the King James. I say it does matter. I say that man has been messing with the Word of God.

And this is the greatest deception of our generation, and it has affected the marriages. It's affecting the churches. This great deception in thinking that all these other versions beside the King James are the Word of God, the pure Word of God.

They're not. We've had a hoax pulled over us, and you know we spent months showing you and sharing with you facts how this has been uncovered, how there's been a takeover in our seminaries in this area.

And what I'm saying today is it's affected the area of the home. Well, he went on to say, in closing up on his story, that many adjustments had to be made, but each one became an opportunity to show God's love to each other.

During those months, God gave me wise counsel for each one in the family and wisely corrected me when I made mistakes. As I made mistakes, God gave me the grace to admit them. When my family saw me humble myself, they were eager to attend a basic seminar.

We attended that same year. In the days, months, and years since that seminar, we have worked together as a family to build those principles into our lives. I am now at peace with God and with all men.

As far as I know, my wife is happy. We love each other, and she has a ministry with our daughters. Her health has greatly improved, and we invest time together to build our relationships. Let me read you the beginning statement again.

He said, My wife no longer loved me. My oldest daughter had run away from home. My second daughter desired the things of the world. My youngest daughter's self-image was shattered. The division and tensions in our home were destroying all of us.

What would you say to a man who had a testimony like that? What would you say that would bring him back around to have a testimony like he had at the end where he said, I am now at peace with God and with all men.

As far as I know, my wife is happy. We love each other, and she has a ministry with our daughters. Her health has greatly improved, and we invest time together to build our relationship. Well, I trust that you could use these stories in ministering, and maybe they've been an encouragement to you.

Closing Exhortation and Priestly Blessing

And I just trust that they'll prompt you and prick you to be careful. We can't be too careful. We all need each other as Christians. We need God to put the giftings in the body of Christ to minister to one another.

And I'd like to just close up with a blessing for you. May the Lord bless thee and keep thee. May the Lord make His face shine upon thee and be gracious unto thee. And may the Lord lift up His countenance upon thee and give thee peace.

God bless you.