How to Raise a Rebel — Jim Van Gelderen

Hebrews 12 and the Preventative Work of Ministry

You want to join me in going to the book of Hebrews and chapter number 12. Hebrews chapter 12. This is not going to serve as a text for the entire message. In fact, it really is not a text for the message.

But we are going to go from verse to verse and in a moment You'll see what will be the thread that will tie them together before we begin the message tonight. I think it would be appropriate tonight again to tell you how much I appreciate your faithfulness to the meeting and I I'm just guessing that many of you really is sacrificial for you to be here with long commutes and Etc.

And I just want you to know as the preacher for the week. It is a great Appreciation and privilege to have you come and I appreciate so much your faithfulness to the meeting I just be interested to know and I may ask this later in the week.

But how many have been here starting with Sunday morning? You've been here every service. Can I see your hands, please? Okay, that does not surprise me. Really? That's a good good indication. How many have been here to use the King James ism?

How many have been here every service save one? Let's accept one. Okay, here we go. Okay. There we are great. Well, it's certainly blessing and I grateful for those of you who are visiting tonight as well.

And this is it's hard to believe a week moves by so quickly. But two more services and we'll certainly trust that God will do a good work tonight. Want to deal with something that I'll be just dead honest with you.

It's really not easy to deal with but Let me just preface it by saying this for almost 22 years now God has given my wife and I a large majority of our time each year is spent in youth evangelism and revival work.

Many weeks and the year we go into a Christian school. We'll be ministering every day in Chapel, and I know this may sound strange. I absolutely love preaching in Chapel. It is maybe put it this way God made me a little bit different.

I don't know that than a normal just a normal preacher. I don't know why do not ask me why I love Antagonistic audiences. Audiences that don't agree with me. I Absolutely love it. That's why I love Christian school preaching.

But anyway but you just leave that one there, but some seriousness, so I just said but we'll just leave that alone, but That's why the Lord's allowed me to preach to you unsaved teenagers. In fact many of our war nights the larger majority of the crowd is unsaved.

So they're unsympathetic to the message and it is just an absolute thrill. Don't ask me why God made me that way other than that's how you guys are far too easy. I mean you actually look like many of you act like you're agreeing with me.

And that's it. It doesn't fire you up. But when somebody starts frowning at you or somebody starts showing signs, they're not with you boy, that's that's what gets my fire lit gets me excited gets me thrilled because I love to see God take truth and turn him around and It's such an excitement to see God do that and only God can.

But but anyway, I sell that to say I work with young people have for 22 years. I'm certainly not an expert on teenagers about over 22 years. I have observed some things. I'm going to share with you tonight now.

Most of the time in our ministry we work in what we might call the damage control side of things. In other words, the teenager has already made some poor choices. There's already a problem in his life.

Maybe even in the home it's already in progress and And God convicts the teen whatever they they come forward and and now we're in damage control. They've already looked at the junk. They're already hooked on the the filth music.

They're um, they're already bitter. They're already angry. They've already cheated multiple times. Whatever the problem might be. It's already in progress. And the visible part of our ministry often is with young people like that I don't hope bird is what we call revival counseling is counseling them to revival.

Which is basically counseling them to Christ. Okay, like we talked about last night. Okay, so that's that's the visible part now. I'm sure I'm sure I just say this but I'm sure really and I think that for all preachers.

The greatest part of your ministry you never see because it's preventative. In other words, the problem hasn't exist hasn't started yet. And by the grace of God the message puts up a wall for instance I remember hearing a lot of preaching when I that was preventative and I'm sure some of these preachers who are now in heaven.

Had no idea what a blessing they were to me. I was just a kid for instance I heard enough preaching when I was growing up. I knew it was stupid to drink alcohol. And I never took a drink in my life. I've never taken a drink in my life and part of it came because as a child and as early teenager I heard preaching and I know that's right.

I agree with that. That's preventative. There's a lot of other preaching I've heard growing up. That was preventative. I thought to myself that's stupid only a stupid idiot would do that, you know and so I made a decision about things like that and I thank the Lord for those preachers who had no clue because I Didn't walk an aisle.

I didn't make a decision other than making a decision in my heart. Yeah, I agree with your preacher. I'm not going to do that by the grace of God. Okay, so so a lot of preaching ministry is preventative but then which is visible is what we might call more damage control.

The problem is already there and now by the grace of God. We want to see it reversed and and see that person put on a track to deliverance. Okay. Now it is a result of the damage control side of ministry in the last 22 years that this message is born.

This is not a message. I preached 10 years ago. This is the message. I feel like okay. I've been in this now 20 years about two years ago I said I think I now can start preaching on this particular subject.

Because I've dealt with a lot of young people now who have manifested problems that could have been prevented. So I've entitled tonight's message. How to raise a rebel. Now, I don't want you to do that tonight.

Okay, we're kind of coming at it backwards and I and I recognize it's jarring in A certain sense. It's meant to do that. So we don't want to do what I'm gonna give our how to raise a rebel. I'm gonna give obviously we don't want to do this.

But I'm doing it this way because it does jar us it kind of takes us a little bit out of our comfort zone. And I hope tonight it will do that. Now, I'll just say one other word that might be helping an introduction here ten and a half years ago and Before that I was an expert on parenting.

I Could have told you what you were doing wrong and how to fix it. Then Stephanie joy joy was born. She was born ten and a half years ago. And I joined the ranks of the rest of you parents. Lord help.

Okay, so I Want you to understand I'm not coming at this as an expert. I Recognize the difficulties of parenting and I recognize in a message like this. I'm gonna be dead honest with you from the start.

It's gonna get all of us including me somewhere along the line. All of us parents are gonna reckon Yeah, I need to shore that up. Yeah, I need to work on that myself included. We're none of us are perfect parents.

We all are obviously working by the grace of God to see our parenting skills become more in line with Bible truth. Hey, all of us are we understand that tonight. This message is not meant to discourage you.

If you leave discouraged and I failed and that is certainly not my purpose and by the end of this message I hope you'll see that. So, uh, you know, I I know that that that you know. Sometimes before you parent you just think you know you just think it's simpler than it is and obviously there's a lot of issues and we'll try to deal with some of those as We go go through but so all that introduction aside.

Eight Ways to Raise a Rebel

Let's go ahead tonight and We're going to go through eight ways to raise a rebel. Now before we get into the eight ways There's one other thing that we need to deal with because it's absolutely important before we get into this.

I recognize tonight that there are some young people out here who are in homes and The danger is as I go through some of these how to raise a rebel they go and my parents blow it there and Yeah, they they're not any sure that up and etc.

Now, let me just say a couple things number one teenager one day. You will be a parent and you will not be perfect either. Your day is coming. By the way young people. Let me just say this the Bible says that if you sow The wind you will reap the whirlwind.

See the the law of sowing reaping is real simple what you sow you always reap in kind and in greater measure. See so young persons like this if you rebel against your parents mark this your kids will treat you the same way and worse.

See do you think it's real cool right now to roll your eyes and treat a mom and dad like trash. Market, buddy one day your kids are gonna do it to you and Worse he's is real cool right now one day. It won't be so cool.

See so understand when we go through this young people that that no parent is perfect. Now let's before we continue on there's not something to say about this because gang young people don't miss this because it's it's it's.

It's really the window that God wants you to go out is simply this your parents Will answer to God for their failures and you will answer to God for yours. See no teenager out here no teenager can say well, you know God I I really had to rebel because my parents did this.

You know, that will not cut it before Almighty God. And I will tell you young person. I don't care if you have the worst parents on this planet. You have no excuse for rebellion because God's grace is sufficient.

And you market young person every teenager out here who is in rebellion to your parents cannot blame your parents at all. You will stand before Almighty God. There is no need for rebellion and it's it's just it's just rebellion against Almighty God.

See, so don't don't sit here tonight and say well, you see my parents do this this and this that's why I am the way I am. No, that's not true. You are the way you are because you've chosen not to Access the grace of God you failed the grace of God which is sufficient and you have chosen to rebel against God when you didn't have To because God had more than enough grace to do, right?

So young person mark this tonight, I preach a message like this. The danger is you'll go out the wrong window. Don't go out the wrong window. You can blame no one for your rebellion at all. In fact as we go throughout this message I am going to turn at times and deal with the young people tonight because as I travel the country I see.

And the culture in which we live is certainly is putting all kinds of negative influences into our young people and we'll deal with that as We go along but tonight first of all, let's go ahead and deal with Hebrews and chapter number 12 if you'd go there first Hebrews chapter number 12, we're gonna begin with our first thing how to raise a rebel.

I realize some of you in this room are not parents. Some of you may be one day. There's a lot of things we can apply even to your own Christian life. We'll do that. But before we get into it, I just be kind of interested to see where we are.

How many of you and you may raise your hand multiple times, but how many of you have children in your home? Who are elementary school or younger? Okay elementary school or younger? Okay, there you are.

You can raise your hand. I mean to put your hand down. How many have seventh to twelfth graders in your home? Okay, bless your hearts now, you know what purgatory is like, okay, you can put your hands down and.

And then last of all, I have college age or older. Can I see your hands? Okay college age or older are out of the house. Okay, wonderful. It looks pretty even here tonight and some of you raise your hand for all three and that's understandable.

Okay, so Got that wide span of kids. I understand. Okay now Let's go ahead and look at Hebrews chapter number 12 because we're gonna find our first First way to raise a rebel number one if you want to raise a rebel the Bible teaches us be bitter.

Look if you would please at verse number 15. It says after verse 14 is the main verb follow peace with all men 15 looking diligently. Now notice this little word last any man fail of the grace of God.

Lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you and thereby many be defiled. Lest there be any fornicator or profane person as he saw. Did you see that word? It's mentioned three times. It basically gives us a downward progression that comes in this realm of bitterness.

God says what all of us need to do is pursue peace with all men. God wants us to pursue unity pursue peace deal with problems so that we don't get bitter. He says now you better pursue peace with all men and you while you're doing it.

This is a lily off the main verb. You need to look diligently. Why because there's a danger in Interpersonal problems there is a danger number one last any man fail of the grace of God. Now in order, you know, just say this folks nobody in this room.

Nobody can become bitter until number one you fail the grace of God. Do you know as long as you're accessing grace, it's impossible to become bitter. Absolutely impossible. Well, you say okay preacher.

Um, how do you fail God's grace or how do you access God's grace? Well, here it is. We all know this for by grace. Are you safe? You tell me through so we access grace by Romans 5 to in whom we have access by into this grace.

Wherein we stand. Okay, so we access grace that's divine enablement. That is God's gracious Giving his strength his power his enablement in our life. We access God's grace. By faith by dependence by reliance.

Okay, so here's what happens something happens in your life. Maybe circumstances go haywire or somebody as we talked about Sunday morning wrongs you at that moment. You have a decision you can either say okay Lord that hurt.

But I do believe you're gonna work it together for good and it is that expression or heart of faith that accesses God's grace. Or what many people do is they they may not say it out loud, but they off man.

Why'd that happen or that's not gonna work together for good and in doing so it is that Declaration of unbelief like we talked about last night reckoning a lie that then. There's no grace it fails grace.

There's no help from heaven. There's no divine aid and so there you are and the next thing God says happens when you doubt God. When you there's unbelief when somebody hurts you unbelief when things go wrong in your life.

You fail the grace of God you have no divine aid and notice the next thing that happens last. Any root of bitterness springing up trouble you and thereby many be defiled. The next thing that happens is A root of bitterness springs up and it troubles you mark this bitter people are always troubled people.

Bitter people are not happy people. They are troubled people. In fact, the Bible says not only they're troubled people. They defile many. I put it this way hurting people hurt people. That's why you have generations of bitterness.

Here's bitter kid and kids. They grow up. They become parents. They're bitter. They never deal with their bitterness. They defile many they provoke their kids to wrath. They hurt their kids. Their kids don't handle it, right?

They get better. They go up. They hurt their kids, etc, etc, etc. Don't we see that in the world around us? Fact. I was remember I was in South Carolina. I gave an invitation. It was pretty much over I was in the back of the room.

One of the teenage girls in the School came up to me and said brother van Gelder and she said I've got a mother a mother. My mother who adopted me has said to me on several occasions. I wish I'd never adopted you.

Now, what do you say to a kid like that? I? Mean that's that's well, I'll tell you what I said older and say, you know, I know that hurts and I know that's difficult but I'll tell you there's a God in heaven and his grace is more than enough and You do not have to get bitter because obviously folks the mother that adopted her was bitter.

Never dealt with her bitterness and now she's doing the same thing to her daughter. And if that daughter does not appropriate the grace of God, she's going to become bitter go up and she's going to provoke her kids the wrath.

Somebody's got appropriate the grace of God to stop the thing. See so so bitterness troubles the one who's bitter and then they defile other hurting people as I mentioned hurt People now for time we can't develop a lot of this all the way.

But let's just before we continue on notice what verse 16 says because a lot of times we miss the last last. It says last there be any fornicator or profane person as he saw notice the little word or you know I have found when young people become bitter and really adults.

But I've deal more with young people that when they become bitter if they don't deal with that root that springs up. Then it manifests itself either in moral Impurity or in there becoming a profane person.

Usually it's not both. It's usually one or the other. Now the Bible says lest there be any fornicator we all know that it's that arena of moral impurity. Which begins first in the mind and then if left unchecked goes to action.

I'm thinking of a young man in the eighth grade who had a heart for God. I remember I knew him knew his family. I thought this kid's gonna be used of the Lord somewhere in his high school years something happened I don't know what he got bitter began looking at a junk defiled his mind before long it it Resulted in action, which is just totally destroyed and defiled his life.

Now folks, this is the kind of thing that happens in our day. In fact that very girl I mentioned a moment ago Later in the week came to my wife and revealed that she had stepped into the arena of moral impurity.

She had already manifesting what happens when you harbor bitterness in your heart. See lest there be any fornicator and there may be someone out here who has perhaps begun to fill your mind with filth looking at internet Sites magazines whatever you begin to be unchecked and allowing filth to come into your mind and and and you can go back and the Real root issue is that you've allowed that bitterness to spring up in your life now.

Don't get me wrong. Not every person who goes into their moral impurity arena is motivated by bitterness. But I will tell you bitterness either leads the moral impurity or to becoming a profane person.

In fact, I have never had a teenager in all the years. I've used Hebrews 12. I've never had a teenager that I've showed Hebrews 12 has said to me preacher. That's not true in my life. None of them have said that you know, why cuz it is true in their life.

But not only does it lead to fornication God says secondly or they become a profane person. A Passive personality is a person who could care less about God, but a profane person in an active personality is a person who hates God.

I Remember one time I was preaching after I was done a young lady came up to me extremely angry. She was angry about a verse of Scripture. She just kind of sailed into me and I remember we just talked two or three minutes.

I looked at that young lady. I said young lady. I said, you know what your problem is. You hate God and she looked right at me without any hesitation and she said you're right. The bitterness was so overwhelmed in her heart that she had become a profane person.

I remember I was dealing with a college-age young lady her parents were sitting right there and. And she was bitter toward a spiritual leader in the past in her life. And and I was trying to help her with Hebrews 12 her parents right there were of course singing and agreeing and I remember we Came all the way through Hebrews 12.

She looked at me said brother van Gelder and she said that's it. She said I've been so angry at God. My friends if you want to raise a rebel or be one yourself. Yes, don't deal with a bitterness in your heart and you see very clearly it has terrible consequences.

And there may be a young person I'm preaching to right now. You know that in your heart you've been troubled. You're not happy angers right below the surface you mark it down when a teenager is better.

You don't have to provoke them much. They get angry at their siblings angry at mom and dad. It's right below the surface. They are troubled. And I will tell you mom and dad. I will tell you teenager the way to deal with your bitterness is go right back to The beginning stop failing the grace of God and start accessing it.

Say I believe that what happened here or this person who hurt me as we talked about Sunday morning. God's big enough to work it together for good. What do you want to raise a rebel number one be better?

Young person if you're out here and somebody has wronged you somebody has done something maybe inside the home or perhaps out. You are the loser if you do not deal with your bitterness has terrible consequences.

So number one be better. Number two will not turn to every passage for time, but number two. The let's go to don't turn for time. But we'll go in our minds here to Proverbs 28 13 a familiar verse he that covereth his sins shall not prosper.

But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. Number two you want to raise a rebel blame everyone else. But you and your kids for their rebellion and problems. You know covering blame is a very subtle form of covering your sins.

And I want to tell you we Americans are phenomenal at blaming people if you can't blame. If you can't find anything else to blame you'll blame the president. That's just the way we are we play the blame game and We're really good at in fact if we can't blame a human being we'll think up some psychological disorder to blame.

Few years ago. I was at a camp the camp nurse gave me this thing off some psychology website. It said they've discovered a new disorder. It was called oppositional defiant disorder ODD. I said that's odd isn't it but anyway oppositional defiant disorder.

And I began to read some of the symptoms of ODD was kind of like it said does not listen when adults talk to him. Does not obey when told what to do. I'm thinking to myself. This is no disorder. It's as old as Adam and Eve.

It's called sin. You know friends. I'm not a psychologist, and I don't profess to be one. But I will tell you there's a lot of kids out there don't they do not need Ritalin. They need repentance, and they're never gonna come clean until their parents stop blaming a disorder and call it sin.

They've got an excuse. Well I am the way I am. I kick walls in pull curtains off the rod because I've got a disorder. No. It's because of your the race of Adam you mark it down all three of my girls had a disorder.

It's called Adam. When my little girl was born I was convinced. She was an angel 18 months later. I was convinced. She was demon-possessed. Now some of you know what I'm talking about you've had them do.

You know friends, and I'll tell you your our kids are not helped when we blame their sin on something else. It's called sin and We listen you know and we're real we're real subtle with it even in our Christian lives.

I say this as kindly as I know how I've alluded to this in other messages. But it needs to be said there's some dear gentlemen in this room tonight. And you think yourself I'd be a good Christian if it wasn't for my wife.

Do you know that is a lie out of the pit of hell? You are not a good Christian because you have made wrong decisions. Don't blame your wife and Every gentleman out here who is not the Christian you ought to be it is not your kids fault.

It's not your wife's fault. It's not your boss's fault. It is your fault. It's me. It's me. It's me. Oh Lord standing in the need of prayer. And I'll tell you we'll never have personal revival until we stop blaming somebody else for our problems and realize I'm the big problem.

It's right here and wife. I'll tell you you cannot blame an unsaved husband. You cannot blame a carnal backslidden husband for the fact. You're not a good Christian as we talked about last night. There's a provision of victory in Christ.

It is not their fault. It's our fault for not accessing what God's given us. See so we do this all the time. We blame the youth group or we blame somebody else for our kids problems or for our problems or for whatever else.

I want to tell you that you want to raise a rebel just blame everybody else for your kids rebellion so, um. They need to answer to God for their failure will answer to God for ours. So let's not cover it up.

God says if you confess and forsake him, you'll have mercy. I'm thinking right now of a gentleman. This is not in the notes. It just hit me. I believe I need to say it I'm thinking right now of one of the biggest turnarounds I have ever seen in a teenage life.

The boy's a sophomore in high school. He was sneaking stuff behind his parents back. He's doing all the junk that's out there and his parents knew something was wrong and everybody else could tell it to the light of the body is the eye and I somebody told me they saw this gentleman the father.

At a early morning prayer meeting laid out prostrate before the Lord crying out to God and said God I Failed. I failed my son. I failed as a father. I want to tell you something. It's no surprise to me that that boy in October had a absolute 180 degree turnaround and he is a teenager I've seen rarely have I seen a teenager more on fire for God than a kid like this and you know.

The amazing thing is the Christian school. He attend kicked him out. He still kicked out. In fact, I took what took him with me to some of our youth meetings almost every day of the week. He won somebody to Jesus Christ.

He guys just absolutely he's on fire kicked out of a Christian school on fire for God. And I'm gonna tell you one of the reasons why is because his parents didn't blame the youth pastor. They didn't blame the church.

I'll tell you what they got on their face before God and say Lord with some failures in our life Lord shows what they are will deal with them and our sons made some wrong decisions, too. You see they they did what the Bible says if you confess and forsake you'll have mercy.

So number one. Be bitter. Number two blame everyone else but you and your kids for their rebellion and problems. Number three. Boy, I hate to tell you this. This one's the rough one. I'm gonna warn you at a time.

Fasten your seatbelts. In fact, you better go to this passage of Scripture. So you'll believe me go to Romans chapter 13. Would you do that? Romans chapter 13 this one's rough. I mean, it's real rough.

So, hold on. But you're gonna have to see it here in black and white or you won't believe me. So let's look at it. Romans chapter 13 start at the very beginning. It says let every soul be subject under the higher powers.

Now many of our familiar that the word powers is the idea of authority. For there's no power. That means no authority but of God. The powers or the authorities that be or ordained of God. Let's stop for a moment.

Do you know that every authority on this planet was set up by God Almighty? This is gonna shock some of you Republicans, but did you know the same and I am one but did you know the same God? They put George W Bush into office is the same God that put Bill Clinton into office.

And the same God in 2008 may be put somebody into office. They well, we'll get what we deserve. Now this may shock you. You say you got to be kidding me. You mean my boss and all these authorities in my life.

God put them there. Now I hate to disillusion you because we have two more nights to go. But I'm gonna have to disillusion you at this point. Did you know that God has set up every authority on this planet and there's not a one of the authorities that God has set up.

That's perfect. Then that shock you. God sets up people in authority who aren't perfect. Shock shock of shocks. I don't want to tell you some friends. God's gonna use their imperfections if you'll let him to transform you into the image of Christ.

Now let's keep reading because this is essential. We miss this so much. Okay, go go on to verse number two whosoever therefore based on the truths. We've just covered whosoever therefore resisted the power or the authority notice this resisted the ordinance of God.

Would it make any difference? Mr. Fuzzbuster if I told you that every speed limit in this county speed limit sign was personally put There by God himself. Would it make any difference in the way you drive?

It's gotten quiet now friends it shouldn't. Because in some sense he did. You see friends if I say this and I don't know if anybody has a student in a Christian school. But would it make any difference to you if I told you the handbook handbook?

And for that Christian school was written in heaven would it make any difference in the way you viewed it. It shouldn't. Friends, I'm gonna tell you this when we resist human authorities. We are resisting God.

Now I know what verse everyone's quoting right now in your brain. Wait a second preacher, isn't there a verse somewhere that says we ought to obey God rather than man. We just love that verse, don't we?

Don't miss this folks. You know why we love that verse. It's not because we love obeying God. It's because we love an excuse not to obey man. It really is the truth in most cases. We just want we like the exception.

For many of us in this room in our entire lifetime, we will never have to obey God rather than man now some will I Honestly can't think of one time I've had to obey God rather than man in my entire life.

Though that day may come. But in our culture that is really not a daily issue. Is it friends? You know, our problem is obeying man. Which is God's ordained Authority for our lives, you see here's what I'm afraid of the generation of the 60s has a wonderful I've done a wonderful job training their kids to do what they did.

So very well, and that is rebel. Now as I mentioned I work every week in Christian schools. It's quite a mission field. If I talk to a Christian school teacher and say, okay, what's your biggest challenge?

Is your biggest challenge to students is your biggest challenge administration? Is it fellow teachers? What's your biggest challenge? I haven't even mentioned yet. What do you think they tell me without hesitation?

Parents, you know why because parents even Christian parents have not learned this simple principle now. Let me give you an illustration how I learned it real young. I was in the ninth grade. My father had started a Christian school and he was the president.

He was the founder. He was the CEO. He was the big shot. Okay, so I knew that if I had a problem I could cut all the red tape and go to the top and. And I never took advantage of that. But one day I decided to.

It was my freshman year and I had an English teacher. I do not know what it is about English teachers. But anyway, it was an English teacher. And I decided myself she needs to go and I decided that I was going to do the student body a favor.

And help the president see that so that would be a done deal. So I sat down with my father and was after church and and we were eating crackers and cheese my dad loved crackers and the more stinky the cheese the and That stuff, you know that the green stuff, you know the mold that was still on it that stuff.

He loved and so we were sitting there. He's cutting cheese throwing on the crackers, you know. And and I'm starting to talk about this English teacher. My dad did not show me anything. He just just like he's listening to me and I'm telling about how the teacher blew it here and here and her problems here.

I thought my dad's buying it. I am and we're getting somewhere. So I'm getting a little more bold a little more bold. You have to understand. My father was very mild-mannered very calm and. So, um, he's sitting there doing the cheese and the crackers and all of a sudden I got my courage up.

So this is great. I said and dad if she tells me to do such-and-such, I'm not gonna do it. I'll never forget. My dad just calmly looked over at me and he said oh, yes you are. I Thought to myself dad sounds like a glorious idea.

I think I'll do it. The next time I went to that classroom with that teacher you tell me how did I treat her? I'm gonna tell you how I treated her. I treated her like my dad was sitting standing next to her.