Are You Backsliding? (Part 2) — Michael L. Brown

Pray again, Lord, we bless you and thank you. Father, you know how seriously I take these times together with your servants. And I pray, oh God, now that your Holy Spirit, we create an environment where humbling ourselves and examining ourselves and repenting and being set free is easy.

Lord, we renounce the lies of the devil. We renounce his condemning lies. We renounce his deceiving lies that it's too late. We denounce his lies that everything is fine when it's not. And we pray for truth.

Truth, Repentance, and the Danger of Spiritual Complacency

We know that your son said the truth will set us free. In Jesus' name, amen. God said about the children of Israel through the prophet Hosea, pictured Israel as a man beginning to get gray, but he doesn't realize it.

One of the great tragedies with Samson, when you read his life, is he didn't know the spirit had left him. And when the Philistines came upon him and he said, just like always, I'll break the yokes, he couldn't, he was blinded and humiliated and mocked in front of the people.

That tragic line, he didn't know that the spirit had left him. That can be put over so many church doors. In our little Pentecostal church where I was saved, Italian Pentecostal church, 1971, is a heroin-shooting rock drummer that went into the church to pull my friends out.

God did many wonderful things there. We had written across the church, let go and let God. And we thought we were totally free for God to move however he wanted to move. Thank God for the good things he did there and the foundations that were laid.

But man, things happened the same week in, week out, year in, year out. There was a little box within which God could move. We looked down at the other denominational people, so-called, and thought they were stiff, they were religious, but not us.

Sardis had a reputation for being alive, didn't know it. Laodicea didn't realize its state. I want us to try on one of those old suits or one of those old dresses and see how they fit today. A lot of us measure ourselves, but our measuring rod is adjustable.

Some of us are really discouraged and down all the time, but others of us are pretty impressed with ourselves. My wife is a great blessing to me because she is ruthlessly honest. We have unsaved neighbors that come and ask her for decorating opinions because they know if she says the furniture matches, it matches.

It's a strange thing, people really want her approval that hardly know her because they just know she tells the truth. It's such a rare thing that people really are straightforward and honest. She always cuts through a lot of the hype and gets down to the real basics.

I remember one night, we had this wild time of intercession at a conference, praying for this crippled girl. The most bizarre and wild words of knowledge and confirmations and scriptures we were all hearing together.

It seemed to be a totally supernatural night, an intense intercession travail, an unbelievable night. I called my wife and I said, this was happening and this and this and this, words of knowledge and she said, did she get up?

It's the only thing, did she get up? And that's what the crippled girl needed, that's what we were praying for, did she get up? So I want to cut through some of the other things and try and just look at things honestly.

The First Danger Sign: Lowered Standards and Sexual Sin

Here are danger signs, friends. Danger signs. Signs that you're backsliding. Backsliding does not necessarily mean you are backslidden away from God and if you were to die hell bound, By God's grace, I hope that doesn't apply to anyone in this room.

Maybe someone has straggled in that wasn't supposed to be here and it applies to them. But I'm sure there are plenty of backsliding ministers in this room. And there are others who are backslidden in certain areas of your life.

Backsliding is the result of sin and the remedy is repentance. First danger sign. It has to do with sin itself and its ugly fleshly forms. Your standards have dropped from what they used to be. It's one of the first clear signs of a backsliding heart.

Things that you wouldn't have done years ago, you do. Movies you wouldn't have seen years ago, you see. I don't just mean that you had a stiff man-made holiness teaching. Where if women's hair didn't go down to their waist and if men's hair wasn't over the ears, then they weren't saved.

I'm not talking about those types of things. I'm talking about genuine sensitivities that you used to have that you have lost. Your standards have dropped and you have committed sins that would have been unthinkable years ago.

Now if there's one problem that I can guarantee this room is filled with, just because of the assault in America and because of the low standard of our Christianity, it's all types of sexual sin. There are people right here that have been in affairs and then turned away from it and gone on a ministry.

No one ever knew about it, but you'll never be totally clean until you get that thing right. In the midst of it, the only healthy thing to have done was to have stepped down and submitted yourself for restoration, even if it took five years.

But on a much lower level, all types of sexual sin, whether it's R-rated movies or X-rated movies or probably most other movies that are rated better, filled with something unclean, ungodly, and you watch it and you see it, and not only do you watch it and you see it, you've watched and seen things you never dreamed you would.

Or downloaded stuff over the internet once you got computer literate and you're shocked about the things that are now coming into your heart and your home. And the worst thing is, you're finding yourself bound.

You're finding, listen, someone can slip and fall. I understand that. I understand someone can cast a wrong glance. I understand you can innocently put on a television. I mean, when I'm in a hotel room, it's like that's the enemy, that TV.

There's all kinds of junk and smut and everything just available with the flick of a switch. And I treat it like an enemy, but sometimes I'm just gonna relax and watch sport, and there's something you didn't expect, and there it is, and it's gross and disgusting.

So that can happen, you immediately shut the thing and repent and then do what I've often done, break the plug of the TV. Say, brother, you're talking to lots of leadership. Why talk about breaking the plug of a TV in a hotel?

Because I've done it. I'd rather break the plug and put a note, plug is broken, than defile myself. You say you're making a lot out of nothing. Listen, three out of my four original pastors or the man I work closely with or fellow worker, and from the years of 1971 to 1987, there were four different people that were either my pastor or a clear fellow worker in leadership with me or that was over me in a position.

Three out of the four destroyed their ministries through adultery. I don't just mean mental adultery. I mean they destroyed their ministries through adultery with another woman. Three out of four? There is an all out assault, friends.

There is a battle. There is a battle. Listen, we got through staying over here. I was with my wife and our second oldest daughter, our 17-year-old, and we went over to visit some family in another part of Florida, and the place that the travel agent booked us into was right in the middle.

I couldn't believe the environment. We were just, we were stunned by the environment. And I've been in New York City many times, born in the city, grew up on Long Island, preached many times in New York City, and there's a certain atmosphere that can be there, especially in the summers.

It's just sin everywhere. But this was maybe worse than anything I'd ever seen in my life, and we were just, I mean the whole family, we were just talking openly and honestly. I said, I've got the solution.

I had just come back from an international trip, so I had still in my computer bag, I had the eye patches that you put on, whatever they're called, so you can sleep on the plane better. I said, this is how I'm gonna walk around here.

Someone's just gonna leave me, and this is how I'm gonna walk around. I mean, the environment was so incredibly defiant. You say, brother, are you weak? No, I try to be wise. I try to be wise. I try to flee certain things and stay away from stuff that's polluting rather than watch and show off how strong I am.

Some of you, your standards have fallen from what they used to be. Things that used to bother you don't bother you anymore. It's not because you have grown. As I said to the folks two weeks ago, it's not because you are so holy.

It's because you're hard. It should bother us to be exposed to certain things. When you hear profanity, and here you're willfully sitting down and watching. It's one thing working in the midst of sinners.

Well, you work in the midst of those sinners and you reach out to them. No matter how sinful and ugly and gross their lives are, you try and reach out to them with the love of God and call them to repentance.

You don't run from the world. Of course not. But here we are willingly being entertained by stuff. We're bringing in videos or going to a movie and watching stuff that is displeasing in God's sight. And years ago, we would have been shocked if we did it and now it's no big deal.

That's a sign of a backslidden heart, a hard heart, friends. Now look, some of you, today's gonna be your day of freedom. Today you're gonna get on your knees and confess to God or maybe to another man or woman of God that's here.

Depending on whether you're male or female. And you may confess some unthinkable things that you've done. Unthinkable things you've seen. You never would have dreamed of it happening years ago and it's happened once, now twice, now three times, now five times.

And now you find you try and shake yourself free and you can't. Now you find your mind is polluted. It's on the inside of you. Yeah, it's a battle out there, friends. And the worst thing of all, it's not just that you try and shake yourself free and you can't, like Samson Hodges, gonna shake myself free and you can't.

Devil says, ha. See, he knows what he's doing. Listen, he's a master strategist. You don't major on the devil, you major on Jesus. I'm not demon conscious. I don't get out of bed looking for spirits, stub my toe and rebuke the devil.

I don't do that. But I know there's a battle. We're to be sober and alert, the word says. Correct? Be sober and alert, why? Because you're an adversary to the devil. Goes about, roams about, prowling like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour.

Devil knows what he's doing. He hits hard and then he backs up. Well, I'm okay, praise God. I really messed up. I was a little worried that, I'm okay. Three months later, he hits hard again and now you're a little bit more concerned because it hadn't happened for 10 years.

Now it's happened over a three month period. Some of you folks, listen, I'm talking to you. You used to be free in certain areas and you're slaves now. Some of the most embarrassing things, you're slaves now.

Again, I understand there's a battle. I understand you can have a day where you're really struggling or a week where you feel heavy oppression. I understand that. I understand there's a constant process of renewing the mind.

I fully understand. I'm not sitting up here saying that, hey, if you're not perfect, if you've had a weak moment, if you slipped, if you fell, that you're out. No. But there's some people that you used to be totally free in certain areas of your life and you've allowed the devil to enslave you.

He hits and then he backs up. Then he hits again and he backs up. Then a little closer, then a little closer and now you're tied up. It says in Proverbs 5, a man is tied up by his own sins. But something even worse than that, some of you aren't even convicted anymore.

I mean, that's more than danger sign, that's emergency time. No problem. I don't mean when the love of God comes and ministers to you and changes you and when you're ready for God to crush you, he says, I know your heart, I love you and you're free and you never go back to the thing again.

But I mean, some of you, it's just, it's part of your life now. And you always used to think that it could never happen to you. And you always used to think that God wouldn't bless you and anoint you and use you anymore.

But you've learned to be professional. You learned to make it work anyway. And surprise, surprise, sometimes there still seems to be some anointing and people still seem to be blessed. So I guess I can just go on like this.

You're waiting for lightning to strike and it didn't, something far worse happened. No lightning strike. One of the most powerful truths in the word, message, one of the few messages I've preached almost the identical message many times is a message from the book of Proverbs based on one Hebrew word, acharit.

I won't take much time on that now, but acharit, the Hebrew word comes from the word for back. The principle is, it's that which comes after, the after effects, the end. And you cannot see the acharit from this viewpoint.

I just got this suit yesterday, $99, JC Penney's. Looks okay, looks clean from the front. What if the whole back was ripped up and torn? What if I had rubbed against some paint? You can't see it because you can't see what comes after.

Proverbs 5 tells us, begins to talk about the smooth tongue seductive woman. And there are more lengthy warnings in the book of Proverbs about sexual sin than any other sin. Nehemiah 13 tells us that even Solomon fell prey to sexual sin.

Somehow, when that thing's got you, it seems so real and powerful when you're free from it. It's like, what is that filth? But in the grip of it, it's a battle for people. It says in Proverbs 5, boy, her tongue, lips just so smooth, boy.

Lips just drip, honey boy. Looks like just what you want. Look at the front cover of that magazine, man. That's just what you want. And it says, but her acharit is bitter as death, sharp as a two-edged sword.

You don't realize what's coming? I've wept with people that were men of God and their ministries are destroyed. I've wept with them and they're thinking, man, if they only could have seen their acharit.

They could have seen the divorce that's now taking place in the family. If they could have seen the church fall apart, if they could have seen the ministry crumble, if they could have seen, worse than all, the displeasure and the hurt in God's face and the reproach to the name of Jesus and the saints will be damaged for life because their trust was broken.

And the agonizing hours and weeks and months of darkness and just wondering, how did I ever do it? You never would have touched that thing. That's the principle of the acharit. It's throughout the book of Proverbs.

Friends, this is your day to get free. This is your day to get free. I've seen in my own life, little things, little habits, whether it's discipline with food, whether it's whatever, just little daily things.

And you find, man, I just feel like I'm in a little bit of a rut here, a little bit of a battle or you're too easily angered or just little things and you say, man, how do I overcome that? You get into an atmosphere where God's moving, it just happens.

You just keep drinking in His presence, you stay in His presence, you continue to worship Him and seek His face and draw on who He is, you become like Him. You become like the people you spend time with.

You just keep going after God. Here's an environment, the Holy Spirit's moving, it's time for liberty. Another danger sign, worldliness. Jesus no longer satisfies. Jesus tells the church of Ephesus to repent because they left, not lost, left their first love.

The Second Danger Sign: Worldliness and Loss of First Love

I left my first love because I've been burned out through the ministry and because I'm tired and because I've had problems and because it's everybody else's fault, is what I'm saying. I'm just a victim.

Jesus said, no, repent, because you left your first love. You remember the days when nothing really mattered because you had Jesus? Remember the days when it was just looking at His face was sufficient?

In His presence was fullness of joy and that was more than enough for you? We're to think, we have a relative of ours came to the Lord as a young woman and she was really fashion conscious and thin and into guys and everything, the whole lifestyle.

And then she got saved and she was, now I don't mean it was a good thing that she suddenly became what we call pleasantly plump. I don't mean that that was positive but the positive thing was she just, she was just so excited about the Lord that all this emphasis on the other stuff just went by the wayside for her.

I mean, she got herself back in better physical shape after a while, which is also important. But look, there was a time when sports, who cares about sports? Who cares about a bouncing ball or a jumping ball?

I mean, who cares about, you know, a hockey puck bouncing? What's the big deal with sports? It didn't really matter because you were so hungry for God and seeing people saved was your life and meeting with Jesus was wonderful.

And it's like, oh yeah, I can relax and watch a game here or there. But who cares about it? Now, the sports page has your attention more than the word. If your team wins or loses, plays more tricks on your emotions than when the people go to heaven or hell.

Or if you don't get that new car, if you don't get that new carpeting in or if you don't get that new computer system or if you can't get this vacation to this particular place, your life's a mess. Didn't used to be like that.

Not that these things in themselves are evil but it shows a divided heart. You have to look. How do you become worldly? We have a lovely home. We've never had a bank account, savings account, extra money, anything like that.

Things have been somewhat tight through the years but God blessed the home we bought and then it doubled in value. We got another home and that almost doubled in value. So we've got a lovely home. Fine, fine to have a lovely home.

Nothing wrong with it. You know, I enjoy it a little bit but I'm away a lot and then when I'm there, I don't want to get worldly and materialistic so I only enjoy it a little. It's just my own problem, my own hangup, I think.

But it's a lovely home. Fine, you may have four cars, great. I mean, that's not the issue. Really isn't the issue. But the Word says don't love the world or the things that are in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

It's an absolute either or. And the symptoms are when you start going one direction, you lose hold of the other. For all that's in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life is not of the Father but it's of the world.

And the world passes away in all its lust but he who does the will of God will endure forever. Are you becoming worldly? Look at the interest you have now. How many nights now do you just need to relax and chill out and just watch TV or just do that?

Hey, why don't we have a prayer meeting tonight? Hey, we're just going to have a worship service and meet with the Lord. Hey, we're going to go out witnessing and it's like that becomes a burden. You know something's wrong.

Yes, there are seasons that just come away with me but I don't think come away with me means let's go watch professional wrestling all night. You know what I'm saying? There's a right dimension to rest and breaking out and there's a dimension where you're gripped by the world.

What if your earthly surroundings were changed? What if the Lord said, okay, it's time to move? Time to give the rest of your life to missions in India. That's one country I've been to four times and it's challenging.

Even though they try and take good care of us there and we stay in some pretty tough places and it's challenging for Westerners. But it's fine when you're there, it's just fine because, I mean, you do come home and kiss the floor of your bathroom when you get back home.

What if the Lord said, okay, that's it, go there. No problem, Lord, if that's what you're saying. That should be our attitude, right? Okay, sell your house and do this and that. No problem, Lord, because our heart's not in these things.

Jesus said, don't lay up for yourselves treasures on the earth. Well, in America, we all have abundance. Most of us in America live better than kings and rulers did in past generations. They didn't have temperature controlled homes.

They didn't have running hot water in their homes. They didn't have refrigerators to keep the food. They didn't have any of this stuff that we have. Luxury travel in David's day was a donkey. Jesus said, don't lay up treasures for yourselves on earth where moth and rust corrupt and thieves break through and steal.

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven. You must make a heart change. You must make a heart change and break free. You say, okay, so I'm just gonna feel really bad about all the things I have. No, no, no, get on fire for God again.

Recognize that Jesus is no longer your portion. The psalmist says, the Lord is my portion. That should be sufficient for us. The Lord says, your reward in serving me will not be much in this world, but you'll have me.

That's enough. Or you could have everything in this world, all the favor of man, all the money in the world, all the possessions in the world and everything, but you won't have as much of me. I'll take all of you, Jesus.

Hands down, no contest. Have you become worldly? I don't like that word, brother. Well, I don't like the lifestyle associated with that word. It should be unpleasant to you. Another dangerous sign. Some of you may be sinking fast, two out of two.

On the way down, four more to go. Others might still be sitting there with a remnant of pride. Danger sign number three, no burden. No burden. Just because you are in full-time ministry working 60 hours a week doesn't mean you have a burden.

The Third Danger Sign: Losing the Burden for Souls and Revival

There are abortion doctors working 60 hours a week. There are CEOs working 70 hours a week. You know, there are computer programmers commonly working 60 hours a week. There are people driven with a vision.

There are people who are just workaholics. Some of you are addicted to the work of the ministry, but not in the right sense. It's your whole life, your whole identity, and if you took that superstructure away from you and left you with God, you'd be struggling.

You'd have an identity crisis. Just working hard doesn't mean that you have a burden. The tears are gone. Now, a few here will say, I never had the tears. Well, you need God to break up your heart more deeply, period.

And he wants to. But some of you think, here's how it starts, man, you had this burden. Oh, God, I want to see my neighborhood impacted. I want to see the nations touched. I want to see young people come to the Lord.

You cry and cry. People say, son, young woman, you're called by God and see the call of God in your life. So we start to prepare. And we get to the point now where we're doing all the things that we saw ourselves doing to fulfill the vision, except the burden is gone.

The brokenness is gone. One of the things that I've written about in Revival is that when Revival comes, eternity becomes real again. One of the signs of Revival, great characteristics you see in Revival, that's why we call it Revival.

It has these characteristics that the presence of God permeating an area or a community or a group, heavy conviction of sin. Those are always the two first things you seem to see in Revival, that holy presence, conviction of sin.

One of the other things you see is eternity becomes real. Heaven and hell become real. As far as heaven and hell are concerned, we here in this generation are unbelieving believers, plain and simple. We say the words, we sign the doctrinal statement, but we are unbelieving believers.

I would dare say that the average sister responsible for the upkeep of her home is more affected by someone spilling something on the carpet than by the thought of people dying without Jesus. I would dare say the average brother, I mentioned this before, is more affected by the sports page than by the state of the loss.

One thing I've experienced being here, many times my heart's been torn out from my Jewish people or for the nations, but I know there's a deeper tearing. I experienced so many of the meetings here, just those supernatural tears where you begin to weep at the altar call.

And listen, I'm not weeping because I'm seeing people come forward to Jesus. I mean, some nights you're affected like that. My wife was here and other friends, all they could do is just weep as they saw the people coming to get right with God.

You know, the backsliders returning, the first time converts and Christians getting their lives right with God. But there's just this sense of eternity that hits me so many of these nights. When Allison came up last night, just the moment she got up there, I just started to weep.

It was just this awesome sense, it's real, oh my God, it's real, oh my God, it's real. People dying without Jesus, it's real. Where's your burden, friends? It's a sign of a backslidden heart when you don't have a burden.

D .L. Moody was preaching to an atheist in England and the friends of the atheist said, did you listen to Moody? He said, yeah, I heard him out. They said, well, did Moody talk to you about hell? He said, yeah.

And they said, well, did you hear him out on that too? He said, I listened to him. And they said, well, you don't listen to us. And he said, Moody talked to me with tears. And that's one of the great questions to ask us in ministry, where are your tears?

Just during the break, talking to some folks that have known Leonard Ravenhill, what separated him from so many that I knew in this generation was his absolute brokenness for revival. I'd often, he just adopted me as kind of a spiritual son in 89, just a supernatural thing the Lord spoke to me about, he would do, and it just happened without me initiating it.

And we were real close from 89 to 94 when he went to be with the Lord at the age of 87. But it'd be common, we'd be on the phone, he'd break down crying. Mike, the church, the church, we're naked and wretched, but we don't know it.

It'd be common, I'd call him, the last call before I'd go out of the country, I'd call him from the airport. And so many times, he says, Mike, I've got to see revival. I'm praying that God will send revival where you go.

Just the passion, the brokenness, the tears. I don't mean he's the only one, but it's something that's missing in our microwave ministry mentality, friends. And you think it's all going to happen because somebody lays hands on you at the end of the service?

God will do something, God will add something, but man, he's going to call you deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper. It's the whole package you get from the whole meeting that by God's grace, we're hoping will impact you and continue to impact us and for everybody involved to go deeper.

You hear some heart-rending preaching to see the reality of lost sinners, to meet with God in worship and freedom, to be prayed for and receive a deeper impacting and anointing, all of it together, but nothing without a heart change.

Nothing without a heart change. The tears are gone. One of the great tests of someone with a burden is fasting. Sometimes I hesitate to speak more on this because God challenges me more, but let him challenge me more.

Fasting is one of those things that you wish didn't work so well. You know what I mean? You wish that you could say that fasting didn't produce radical results, but it always does when you humble yourself and go after God in fasting and prayer.

When you really have to break through, you get to that point of absolute desperation. I got so hungry. It was in 88. I was about to speak at a major thing in Israel that was maybe the most major thing in the restoration of the state of Israel in 48, you know, the most major spiritual thing that was gonna happen.

So I got chosen to be a keynote speaker at it. I felt this terrible burden. I need more of God. I gotta break through. I need more of God in my own life. This began to fast. God had me fast for about three weeks on water, and then at the end of it, I was expecting the glory to fall as we ministered.

And God moved. I mean, the Spirit fell in different ways. And that night at three in the morning, we still had 700 people there seeking God that we had to just dismiss because the morning meetings were coming in a few hours.

But the main thing that God did was send fire in my life. The main thing that He did, and listen, I don't mean revival fire. I mean refining fire. He put me through five months of agony. It was after the fasting, after the prayer, that He moved in Israel, and then there was some controversy associated with the meetings and all that.

That was all insignificant. In terms of my own life, the thing was, man, He began to show me. And look, I was moving forward. I was hungry. I was seeing God move. I wasn't in some backslidden condition, but I became ashamed of my life.

I said, God, I'm not hungry. I'm starving. I looked at the lives of others that God had used, and I was just embarrassed. I've been preaching since I was 18. You could wake me up in the middle of the night, hand me a text and say, preach, and it'd be no problem.

You'd say, here are 100 ,000 people. It'd be fine. I mean, God's called me. I love to obey Him. You know what I'm saying? I've never been afraid. I'd take a gathering. If I was gonna sit with three of you over lunch, I'd probably take that with more holy trepidation.

Lord, let it count. Let this time count. Then I would preach into a stadium. There's no fear in me about it. I know God's called me. I take it seriously, you know? But I'd go to, in this five-month purgatory, I'd go to preach somewhere, and I'd say, oh no, I gotta preach tonight.

What am I gonna do? This desperation. God, I don't have anything to give to anybody. I'd show up at the meeting and the pastor says, praise God we brought you in because we've got to hear a prophetic word from God.

We've got to know what God is saying to our church. And I'd say, oh no. I mean, I'd be cowering on the inside. I only said the first part so you understand the second. Okay, I don't mean I'm self-confident.

I mean that I was God-confident because he had called me to do this, you know? It was agonizing. I'd go to speak to a group of 50 people at a friend's congregation on a weekend of ministry. We'd schedule it in and I'd be desperate.

I'd be on the plane. I don't want to get on this plane. I get on a plane to get on a 14-hour flight. I'm excited, man. I can't wait to get on that plane. My wife's always, let's be the last ones on. I have to persuade her that we need to get area for the luggage, you know, the carry-on stuff.

That's my way to try and get her on earlier. Because, I mean, I'm the first one on that plane. It's just, I do it all with enthusiasm. It's kind of a sick enthusiasm if you think of it. 14 hours shut in.

But, I mean, that's just the way I get on the plane. I don't want to be on this plane. I don't want to be. I don't want to minister. I don't want to preach. One night I was teaching and I started to raise my voice as I was making a point and the Spirit says to me, you trying to sound anointed?

You want people to think you're anointed? Is that why you're raising your voice? This is as I'm preaching. God, I said, Lord, I'm just trying to follow your Spirit. I felt this thing rising to me. That's why I'm raising my voice.

I've never went to homiletic class. I'm not a professional preacher, so on, trying to be the slick operator or something like that. Then, at the end of another service, we call up all the sick. We're going to lay hands on the sick.

I'm just about to pray for people who need healing. And the Spirit says to me, you trying to look like a big man of God? I mean, searching the motors of my heart. It was intense, five months. And I got through it because I knew that it was a refining.

Smith Wigglesworth made the point, only melted gold is minted. He said, if you really want to be reconstructed, it's not going to come in a singing meeting. He said, it's going to be a hard time. When you feel there's no hope, that's when God's going to meet you.

See, I know, though, what made it all happen was that fast. Some of you fasted much longer than that. Some never that length. It's not even the length that's the issue. It's that hunger for God that motivates you to do it.

You've got to pray, I can't live without the breakthrough. We say, Lord, I won't let you go until you bless me. He says, right. He just walks away. Because he knows we don't really mean it. But when we really mean it, we will get through.