How God Led Me In My Life — Zac Poonen

The Son of Man and the Call to Ordinary Faithfulness

Over the past few years, as you have heard me say that the word Jesus used about himself, the Son of Man, Son of Man, Son of Man, you heard me mention how that has really gripped me. And as I sought the Lord about it, the understanding the Lord gave me of the meaning of that word is, Jesus said, I am an ordinary man.

It's the Son of an ordinary man. That, you know, if you really think about it, that Almighty God walked this earth and he called himself an ordinary man. And I looked around Christendom at all the great preachers.

I couldn't find ordinary men. They were all big men. But that gripped my heart. I said, Lord, I want to be like Jesus. I want to be an ordinary man till the end of my life. I have to think like that, that I'm an ordinary man, not somebody special, because then we can help everybody.

Most people in the world are not gifted, not famous, not able to speak well. Most people in the world are ordinary people. And if you want to help them, you must be willing to be an ordinary person. Then you can help everybody.

But there's a great lust in us to be something special, somebody special, to stand out in the crowd, to be different, to show how well we can do something better than others. Maybe true, God's gifted you like that.

But behind that, I have the desire to show others that I'm a little better. You make that other person feel small, and you'll never be able to help him. When I look at Jesus in the scriptures, you know, when I read the Bible, I don't read the Bible to get doctrines and messages, no.

I'm greatly gripped by 2 Corinthians 3 .18, which says, in a mirror the Holy Spirit shows us the glory of the Lord. So I read the Bible to see Jesus a little more clearly. You know, pull the veil a little more and see his life.

It says, Jesus said, the Holy Spirit, when he comes, will show you things about me. You know that verse? It's a lovely verse. John 16. So many people are wanting the power of the Holy Spirit to be great preachers, or speak in tongues, or do miracles.

I'll tell you why I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit. John 16. He's talking about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will glorify me. For he will take of the things of mine and disclose. Disclose means reveal it to you.

Disclose means it's referring to secret things, not the obvious things. You don't need the Holy Spirit to tell you that Jesus raised the dead. That's written in the Bible. You don't even have to be a believer to understand that.

You don't need to be a believer to know that Jesus walked on the water. It's written in the Bible. There's no disclosing there. Disclose is a word which means there's a little secret which the Holy Spirit tells you.

When he's come, he will take of something of mine which people can't see, and he'll disclose it to you. It's like whispering something in your ear. Not because somebody is special. God has got no special favorites.

All are his favorites. He has no partiality. But there are a few among his people who are very eager to see what Jesus is like and who seek the Holy Spirit and say, show me the beauty of Jesus. Because it's only then we can be like him.

2 Corinthians 3 .18 says first he'll show you the beauty and then make you like him. A lot of us want to be like Jesus. But you can't be like Jesus before you see it, see what he's like. Otherwise we'll get an idea of Jesus from the world or the Christian world which will be completely wrong.

The Holy Spirit will take of mine and show it to you. And I want to say to all of you, this should be the great longing of your heart. The Holy Spirit will take little parts of Jesus and show it to you.

And one of the things he showed me was that he was an ordinary man throughout his life on earth. And that so gripped me. I can't lose sight of that. I said, Lord, I want to be an ordinary man. I never want to say anything that gives people the impression that I'm some type of favorite of God, which is absolute nonsense.

I don't believe God has got any favorites. I am a father. I can honestly stand before God and say none of my four sons are my favorites. They are all my favorites equally. And Jesus said the best earthly father is evil compared to God.

So how can God have any favorites? If you're a child of God, you think I'm more a favorite of God than you are? Or do you have some conceited notion that you are a sort of a favorite of God compared to others?

That's absolute nonsense. That's been a great help to me to know that God has got no favorites. All are the same. And what he did for Jesus, he'll do for you. I remember when I understood that truth about more than nearly 38 years ago.

That's when I wrote that song. It so gripped my heart. What he did for Jesus, he will do for you. And it challenged me. Lord, is it really true? And the Lord says, yes, if you fulfill the same conditions that Jesus fulfilled.

And basically Jesus fulfilled only one condition. He always humbled himself. That's all. It's not 25 things he did. One thing, he always humbled himself. So he never did his own will. He always humbled himself and said, Father, do what you want me to do.

That was the secret of his life. And in his private moments, when he thought about himself, he thought of himself as an ordinary man. He related to people as an ordinary man. So that's really gripped my heart tremendously.

Chosen in Christ Before the Foundation of the World

And in Ephesians 1 and verse 4, this is another truth that's really helped me. It's given me a sense of, though I'm an ordinary man on earth, I was in God's mind before the world was created. That's an amazing truth.

Ephesians 1 and verse 4. He chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world. The foundation of the world was in Genesis chapter 1 verse 1. We think in the beginning. That's in the beginning as far as the earth is concerned.

But go beyond, before Genesis 1 verse 1, and you'll see me in God's mind. And not me only. You also, if you have faith to believe it. You say, no, no, no, it can't be you. Well, that's up to you. If you don't believe Ephesians 1, 4, I can't do anything about it, but I believe it.

That he chose me in Christ before the foundation of the world. So, I'm not an ordinary person in God's eyes. Out of all the millions of people there are in the world, he chose me in Christ before the foundation of the world.

And if you have surrendered your life to the Lordship of Christ, he chose you as well. That gives you a tremendous sense of worth before God. And at the same time, when you walk with men, you're an ordinary man.

You need both. That when you come before God, you have such boldness. Because he chose you, forgave you, blotted out your past, and clothed you with the righteousness of Christ. And yet, when you come before men, you're just an ordinary person.

And you mingle with people, you mingle with children at their level. You mingle with young people at their level. You mingle with older people at their level. You're just an ordinary person. That's how we are to live on this earth.

Assurance of Salvation Through Faith in Christ

I had the great blessing of hearing the gospel from when I was a child. I used to go to Sunday school when I was 10, 12 years old. And I heard the pure gospel message that Christ died for my sins. I used to read the Bible every day and never get out of bed without prayer.

As a child, my parents taught me that. My father was a believer before I was born. But I was not born again, in spite of all of that. It took me years before I really was sure I belonged to God now. I think a lot of people born in Christian homes are like that.

They're never sure when they were saved. Because I must have asked the Lord to come into my heart, I don't know, 100 times or 200, I don't know. So many times. And one of the earliest things I learned was, as long as you're not sure that God has accepted you, you will be a backslider.

And I was. At home, because of the protected environment my parents provided, I couldn't backslide. But once I left home and I went to the military, I left home when I was 15 to join the National Defense Academy.

And then the next four and a half years, I was being trained to be a naval officer. And I was exposed to, suddenly exposed to the world. Because of my Sunday school background, God kept me from serious sin.

But I was worldly, just like anybody else. And by 18 and a half, I was earning a lot of money. 18 and a half, I was earning money. And by 19 and a half, I discovered the world was empty. That's when I got converted.

Just by reading one verse. I was just reading the Bible one day and I was in Cochin, naval base, and I read John 6 .37. It's a verse I must have read many times and many of you read many times. But sometimes a verse hits you.

It's like explodes in your mind. Well, that's what happened. Him that cometh to me, I will certainly not cast out. That's all. Now, you know that, you read that verse so many times. But somehow, in July 1959, I was 19 and a half years old.

I read that verse and I said, Lord, I've come to you hundreds of times. He said, I never cast you out. And I believed it. That's all I did. I wasn't perfect. I hadn't overcome sin. I wanted to give up sin.

I wanted to give my life to Jesus. But I believed that day that Jesus Christ accepted me. And my backsliding stopped. That is why I say to people, if you don't, if you're not absolutely sure that Jesus Christ has accepted you, I can tell you, you'll keep on backsliding till you're sure of that.

And if you think you have to be good enough, good enough and do some things, then only he'll accept you. You'll never be good enough. You won't be good enough in a hundred years. I don't believe I'm good enough today to go to heaven.

If I come to the gate of heaven today and they ask, what qualifies you to enter? I have to say the same thing that a newly converted person says, I'm a sinner, but Jesus died for me. That's it. So, don't let the devil take you to a gospel of works.

I have to do this, and I have to do that, and I have to do the other thing, and then God will accept me. No. Do you desire to turn from sin? Do you believe that Christ died for you and rose again? Do you receive him as your savior?

That's it. I urge you to lay that foundation, and I'll tell you my experience. That was July 59, 55 years ago. It was like I dropped an anchor, to use naval language, and my ship never moved. From that day till today, I have never doubted the fact that I have become a child of God.

And he accepted me. I can't claim any credit for it. I just believe God's word. And I think even that faith God gave me. So, I want to encourage you, if you haven't come there, you must come there pretty quickly.

Because you can never make progress till you lay this foundation. And once I laid this foundation, the next thing was, I heard people talking about baptism. And I was going to a brethren assembly, where they spoke about baptism.

But nobody forced me to do it. I'm thankful for that. And I knew there were two people who said, infant baptism as a child, if you're baptized as a child, that's it. You don't need to be baptized again.

And then, you see, I belong to a church called the Jacobite Orthodox Church. And people said, that's the place where people need conversion. Not brethren assembly. They're already converted. And if you get baptized, this church throws you out.

How will you convert people there? Oh, that sounded a very logical argument. So, I studied the Bible and I found there's not a single verse about child baptism. I once thought of writing a book called, What the Bible Teaches About Child Baptism, with four blank pages.

That's what the Bible teaches about child baptism. So, I was convinced that it was wrong, but I didn't take baptism. And for one and a half years, every time I knelt down to pray, I heard God saying to me, when I say that, I mean in my heart.

You're not listening to me. Why should I listen to you? So, that's the second thing I learned. First, assurance of salvation. So, another thing you need to learn after that is that, if God has told you to do something, even a small thing like baptism, baptism is just going into the water and coming out, that's all.

And you don't do it. Second, expect God to say to you, you're not listening to me. Why should I listen to you? It could be anything. I don't know what God is saying to you. Go and ask forgiveness from somebody or go and return that money which you took wrongfully.

But you don't do it or you postpone it. Just forget about asking God to answer your prayer. Just forget that. Finally, I got so fed up. I said, I don't care which church throws me out. I want to get baptized.

So, at the age of 21, I took baptism. And that was, you know, like moving out of gravitational pull of the earth into outer space, where you begin to then, you know, the rocket, when it goes up, for a lot of time it's struggling because it's fighting against gravity.

And then it moves out of the gravitational pull of the earth and then there's no stopping it. It's just zoom. It's something like that that happened to me. Then when I got baptized, I don't know, it's, there's a word in English called exponentially.

The speed increased, that means it increased not by 2, 3, 4, but 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64 like that. So, that's what happened to me. So, I realized one thing there that baptism, though it's such a simple thing going into the water, coming out, it is so, in my case anyway, it was a big stepping stone in my life.

It wasn't an ordinary thing. That's why I never compel people to be baptized. I said, get baptized when you're sure of it because I don't want it to be a meaningless, just a ritual you go through. I know what it meant for me.

Prayer, Restitution, and Obedience

Just like getting married. You don't get married, you know, carelessly. What's it? Just come together for two days. What goes on in a marriage? Hardly anything. But it's a very meaningful thing. Once I took that step, God began to show me the next step.

And the next step in my life was, as far as I knew, I had wanted to give up sin. I wanted to stop going to the movies. And I used to go with my friends to the movies. I used to invite them and take them.

And one day two of my naval fellow officers came up and said, Hey, we had a naval base cinema inside the naval base for our naval folk. They used to get movies and screen it there. And they asked me to go with them and I was scared to say, no, I don't go for movies now.

They think I've gone off my head. So I went with them, walking towards the cinema theater, inwardly groaning. Lord, how to get out of this? Please help me, help me, help me. Silent prayer. That's the third thing you need to learn.

When you're in a tight spot, pray silently to God. And if God sees that you really want something, he'll do miracles for you. We reached the theater and there was a notice there that said, we couldn't get the movie in time today, so it's been canceled.

I said, wow. There was one happy person that day. Others were disappointed. I said, Lord, what all you will do for one person? You make the whole naval base not see a movie just because one person doesn't want to go there.

That was another amazing revelation to me. I didn't say it. It was a longing in my heart and I learned something there that prayer is not what you say. I believe God sometimes doesn't even listen to what we say.

He sees the longing in my heart. If the longing in my heart is different from what I say with my lips, it's the longing in my heart that God answers. That's the reason why sometimes what we say with our lips, we don't get the answer.

Because that's not the longing in my heart. And there are other times when you say nothing with your mouth, there's a longing in your heart and you get the answer. So I learned very early in my life that prayer is not words.

It's not kneeling for hours and all like a lot of people say. I never preached that, you know that. But it's a longing in your heart for something that you will feel will glorify God in your life. Then God began to show me that there were in my previous life, I had money with me that I had cheated the government off that I should return and I calculated the tax and duty and all that I had cheated the government off in my past days as an unconverted person.

And it came to about three or four months salary. Now I was getting a pretty good salary and it came to three or four months salary. And I said, Lord, I began to think and I was not sure. Should it be so much or should it be so much?

I wasn't sure. Should it be this much or that much? And one figure that I got was 20 more than the other. And you know, when you're in doubt, you always choose the lower figure. Then I read an Old Testament verse that said, when you pay back what you take wrongfully, add 20 to it.

I said, wow, God speaks pretty directly. So I added it and I paid and I took some time, you know, to here it is, Numbers 5, by the way, if you want to know where that verse is. You know, I was calculating, is it so much or is it 20 more than that?

And I was settling on the lower figure. Then I read one day this verse that Numbers 5, 7, that he shall make, confess his sin and he shall make restitution in full for his wrong and add 20 and give it to the one whom he's wronged.

I said, boy, this is pretty direct. The things God has written in the Bible. And I felt when God wrote that through Moses, he was looking 3 ,500 years later and say, there's a boy there who's going to need this verse in 1961 and I'm writing it for him as well.

Amazing how God thinks of me when he writes the Bible. 3 ,000 years before I live. I don't know whether you believe it, I believe it. You know, it says in Hebrews 10, in the volume of the book, it is written about, about whom?

Me. Hebrews 10, read verse 5 to 8. In the volume of the book, it's written about me. It's wonderful to read the Bible like that. That God wrote the Bible hundreds of years ago thinking about you. You say, am I so important?

Yes, you are. Because he chose you before the foundation of the world. See, there are two problems I find with Christians. There are some Christians who don't realize how important they are to God. And there are some Christians who don't realize that they're ordinary people before others.

This is the problem with most Christians I've met. You need both truths in your mind. I'm a very important person before God, but I'm a very ordinary person before men. I'm just an ordinary brother. So I saved up over three, four months, and I went to the tax office in Bombay, where I had to return this, and looked for some window where honest people could come and return what the money they've done.

There was no such window anywhere. And I didn't want to give that to some clerk who would give me some false receipt and cheat me. And so I didn't know how to return this money, because there's no department to collect restitution from people who feel guilty about what they cheated in the past.

So you know what I did? I said, well, the money has got to go to the government. It's stolen from the government. So I went to the railway station, and I bought the longest distance tickets I could get to distant places.

A number of tickets for that much money, and I tore it up. And I said, okay, the money's gone to the government. So there are ways by which we can make restitution. And from the beginning, one of the things that was very true in my life is this, that I did not give my life to Jesus to get something in return.

Loving Christ Rather Than Seeking His Gifts

A lot of people do that. They do a little business with God. I'll give you this, you give me this. You know, the happiest marriage, and by the way, being born again is like getting married to Jesus Christ.

The happiest marriage is not where you want that person because you want something from him or her. Usually a man wants to get married because he wants sex. Usually a woman wants to get married because she wants money and security.

So if you marry a woman just for sex, you're not going to have a very happy marriage, I'll tell you that. And if you marry a man just because you want his money or his position, you're not going to have a happy marriage, I'll tell you that right now.

And if you get married to Jesus Christ because you want something from him, it's going to be that type of marriage. Imagine somebody who got married on that basis, all their life they're going to be miserable.

Because they started out wrong. They started not because they loved one another, but because they wanted something. Ah, he's a rich man. I can enjoy life by marrying him. Oh, she's a pretty girl. Every morning when I wake up, I'll see this pretty face.

I'll tell you, you're not going to have a happy marriage. So I didn't give my life. A lot of people give to Jesus because Jesus can heal me or Jesus can give me money or Jesus can take me to heaven. That sounds very spiritual.

It's not. Jesus can give me something. I'm very thankful that I did not give my life to Christ on that basis. I fell in love with Jesus. That's the best way I can express it. Just like when I married my wife, I fell in love with her.

I didn't marry her because she was a doctor. She never earned one cent from me as a doctor. That was not what I was interested in or anything else. And that's why it didn't matter to me. Anything else?

I was happy with my wife because I loved her. I was happy with Jesus because I loved him. I didn't care if he sent me to hell. I love Jesus. I said, Lord, if you're there, it's fine. I don't want anything else.

I want you. So it's very important. That's another thing I say to people in their relationship with Christ. Think of it like a marriage. Do you get married to get something? To satisfy some lust in your heart?

You will not have a happy marriage. You'll be married at second best. Because you'll always be demanding. I want that, which I expected from you. You don't give that to me. Or some people marry because they want a cook or adobe or something to do things for them.

And you'll always be disappointed. The secret of a happy marriage is to have no demands, no expectations. The same thing with Christ. And I said, Lord, you loved me so much. That you came to earth and gave your life for me that I might be saved from hell.

I want to love you in return. That's it. As you gave yourself completely to me, I want to give myself completely to you. Heaven and all that doesn't figure in my thinking right now. I just want to respond in love.

You gave yourself to me. I want to give myself to you. That is the basis on which I started. And that's the basis on which I continue today. To tell you honestly. I'll tell you honestly. I don't think about heaven.

I think about Jesus. I never think I'm going to heaven. I think I'm going to be with Jesus. That's it. And I don't care where it is. I'm not looking for streets of gold and gates of pearl and all that.

They don't interest me at all. Mansions and crowns. Zero interest. I can say that before God. But Jesus. I'd like to be where he is. So because I started my Christian life like that, I've had a very satisfying experience with Christ.

Because now I've been 55 years a believer. And I'm still taken up with my bridegroom. I love him. I'm passionately in love with him. I'm not ashamed to be known as belonging to Jesus. The bride of Jesus Christ.

And that's helped me so much. It doesn't matter if I pray for something and I don't get it. I say forget it. I've got Jesus. It doesn't matter if I don't get that prayer. Supposing you pray for some healing and you don't get it.

What does it matter? You've got Jesus. Never, never disappointed. He is not a disappointment. You know that song we sing? I love it. He is not a disappointment. Jesus is far more to me than in all my glowing daydreams I had fancied that he could be.

So I want to encourage those of you who have a sort of unhappy, frustrated Christian life. Ask yourself, why did you give yourself to Christ? Did you give yourself because you expected something? Well, no wonder you're disappointed.

You can change that and say, Lord, I want you from now on. Not the gifts, but the giver. That's the secret. And I'm very thankful that from the beginning I had that attitude that has continued till today.

Christ's Fellowship With the Father and His Love at Calvary

And as it's continued, you know, the Holy Spirit has begun to show me deeper and deeper revelations of the love of Jesus in different, different parts of scripture. Many of them you've heard in my sermons.

Like what he was struggling with in Gethsemane. Take this cup away from me. And I said, Lord, I want to know what that cup was. And the Lord showed it to me. I never read it in a book. I never heard it in a tape.

That cup was not the physical death on Calvary. He would have gone through a thousand deaths for me. He loved me so much. But the cup was the break of fellowship with the Father for three hours on the cross.

Not the physical agony, whipping and all. He didn't care about all that. But Father, you mean to say that this wonderful fellowship that you and I have had from all eternity is going to be broken? And say some angel says, but Lord, you'll get it back after three hours.

No! I don't want it to be broken even for a moment. I learned there the value of fellowship with the Father. Every time we sin, we lose fellowship with the Father. We may not realize it. We don't even feel it.

Because we are living so much in the muck of sin that when fellowship with the Father is broken, we just continue on as if nothing has happened. But not for Jesus. He couldn't live like that. He couldn't live for one minute with fellowship broken.

Not even for one second. That was the thing that scared him. But that was the price he had to pay for my sin. Hell is to be forsaken by God. Fellowship with God broken forever. And Jesus began to realize there that this is what I have to pay.

I imagined a conversation between the Father and Jesus at Gethsemane where the Father tells Jesus, okay, you don't have to go to Calvary. But come straight up. You lived a perfect life. But Zach will go to hell.

He says, oh, okay Father. Then I'll go to the cross. I'll even be willing to break fellowship with you. Which means more than the world to me. If I can save him and bring him to be with me for eternity.

I wept when I saw his love for me at Gethsemane. And what he faced on the cross was three hours of eternal hell. What I would experience for eternity was concentrated into three hours because he was an infinite being.

And I saw the love of Jesus for me. And it just deepened my love for him. We love him because he first loved us. I wanted nothing from him. Think of a person has given you 10 billion rupees. Billion. Would you ever go and ask him for anything else?

You'd be ashamed to go and ask him even for one rupee after that. He's already given you 10 billion. So when I think of what Jesus went through on the cross for me, I say, Lord, I don't want to ask you for anything.

I'm not disappointed if I don't get anything. If I ask for some healing from some ache or pain and I don't get it, I say, it's okay. I don't want it. I've already got 10 billion. I've got Calvary. He's given everything from me.

And I don't want anything else. So little by little, you know, when you have this love relationship with Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit takes of things and reveals to you. I believe there's more that God's going to reveal to me in the days to come.

I haven't seen everything. But I know that God is love and it's the love of God that will melt our hearts when one day we see him face to face. We will feel so ashamed at how little we loved him, how little we responded to his love.

We'll really feel ashamed. Those who were calculating on earth as to how much should I give to the Lord? Should I do this? Should I do that? Oh, I feel sorry. I say, Lord, I never want to be calculating.

All that I have is yours completely. You can't be calculating. Imagine a husband and wife calculating how much should I do for my husband? Should I do this much or not do this much? Or should I do this for my wife?

Or suppose you go to get a gift for your husband and wife and you look for the cheapest thing available to get for your husband and wife. What type of marriage have you got? But that's how we give to God.

What's the cheapest thing I can give to God? Little thing here. And I say, oh, I gave something to him. You don't love him, not at all. I said, Lord, I'm never going to be like that by God's grace. You can have all that I have, all that I am.

Surrendering Earthly Ambition to Serve Christ

I had great ambitions when I joined the Navy. I'll tell you, my dad told me when I was going to join the Navy in Military Academy, I want you to retire as the Admiral of the Navy. So I worked hard and I topped my class and I was on my way and Christ came into my life.

And immediately, I didn't take time, it changed my whole direction of my life. And I realized if I'm going to be an out-and-out Christian, I have to give up my earthly ambitions. I have to make a choice now.

My earthly ambition or to live for Christ. Because, you know, in living for Christ, I would have to not compromise. There were certain things in the Navy I couldn't do. I had to stand up to my senior officers and say, Sir, I can't do that because I'm a Christian.

And then they won't give me a good report at the end of the year. Annual confidential report, there'll be something negative there. Okay, that means you won't get your promotion. Fine. I said, I'm not living anymore for promotion.

I was, not anymore. There's only to be a witness for Christ. And God gave me increasing boldness there. I had verses written on my scooter for my fellow officers to see and I'd stand on the streets and preach and people thought I was mad or something.

It doesn't matter. I loved Jesus so much and didn't matter if people made fun of me because I was a Christian. So those are the early years. And I said, Lord, if you call me to quit my job, I'll quit, but I won't leave till you call me.

I don't believe it's right for any person to go into full-time Christian work unless God calls him. We're not doing God a favor when we go to full-time missionary work. Some people think, Oh, Lord, here I give my life to you.

You know, you should be very thankful to me that I give myself. Rubbish. You can't join the army if they don't say, come. You can't join anywhere. You can't join a college unless they give you admission.

And if you do join the army, you can't say, I'd like to be posted over here, not over there. You have no choice. They determine everything. And so God says, I want you to be a teacher. I don't want you to be a missionary.

You've got to be a teacher. You can't say, no, no, no, I'd like to be sacrificed and be a missionary. No. So I realized that I couldn't leave. I couldn't leave the Navy unless God called me. And God tested me in numerous situations when I was in the Navy to see whether I would stand up for him whenever my conscience was saying something else and even stand up to senior officers respectfully.

And many, many instances like that happened. And I didn't realize but God was testing me. What's your real interest? Your interest is promotion or pleasing man or pleasing me. It was always that. Seeking your own or pleasing me.

And after he had tested me for three years after my baptism one day, the Lord spoke to me, I want you to leave your job. Through scripture, I was reading Isaiah 49. I remember I was sitting in a little station here in Bangarpet.

I was traveling on leave, preaching in meetings with Brother Buxing and I was sitting alone there in the train. I took a decision right there and on the train to Bangalore it was confirmed. Now I never realized I'm finally going to live here.