If Ernest Movie Characters Were Churches

I want you to cut yourself a big knock out of these eggs, erroneous. No, I can't eat on an empty stomach. But she's saving Cecily for that American chap she's such a fan of. The one who so frequently says, No remain burn?

Ernest Movie Characters as Absurd One-Liners

Common persons, like you, often have limited vocabularies and have to depend on hand gestures to communicate. Don't ever, ever do this to a family of badgers. Abadibadibadibadibadibadibadibadibadibadibadibada.

A two, a one, two, three. Remember me and you, and you and me.

No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be.

Hunting, Accessories, and Becoming the Animal

Do you like this, or are the accessories important? I think very much so, for hunters especially. I know. You never know when an animal is just going to jump on you and you don't know if he's going to match your coat.

That's it, or if he's going to become one. I did it! I chose to Lindenburg, baby! I am Joseph Mingala! Oh!

Hairspray, Hostage Chaos, and Never Knowing When to Quit

Honey, the secret to lasting beauty was discovered in the early 1950s, and its name was hairspray. Bye! I'm scared, Sarge. We're all scared, Sarge. Okay, ready? Oh, hey, hey. All right, good. All right, this is working.

All right, good. Ho, ho, ho, Vern. Very good. Looks like I got myself another hostage. Too bad. I thought you were dead. Not yet. What they wanted Was a hero. All I needed Was a friend. I have never known when to quit.

Just ask my fourth-grade teacher. He never knew when to quit. Oh! That's life for you. You have two sons, one good, one bad. And wouldn't you know it, with my luck, the good one dies.

Alien Terror at Christmas Vacation

It's about an alien from outer space, and he comes and he terrorizes a bunch of kids over Christmas vacation.

Terrorizes children, did you say? At Christmas?

My motto is, I never met a bad kid.

Then let me introduce you to some.

How about a bumper sandwich, booger lips?

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