The Pastor\'s Home

Welcome to No Compromise Radio Ministry. My name is Mike Abendroth, and there's another Mike Abendroth today here in the studio, except it's

Luke Michael Abendroth. Luke, welcome to the show. Long time no see.

Thank you. How many times do you think you've been on No Compromise Radio? 10 times?

I don't know. I think so, maybe 10. Well, we have changed the format here at the radio show to YouTube pretty much only, and you can get it on Spotify and other places.

But remember the last four shows were the variety shows. So maybe you should email me and say, you like the variety shows, you don't, because it's all about you, the viewer.

We cater to you, we pander to you, what you want, we offer. But seriously, let me know what you think of the variety shows.

Today, we're gonna go retro, and that is I've got a studio guest, obviously Luke, my son, in whom

I'm, wait a second. I am your only begotten son. Yes, that's right.

Are you my unique son as well? Yeah. My only son, unique son, only begotten son.

Only begotten's better. We'll talk about that maybe in the third show with Luke. Anyway, I wanted to have

Luke on, just chat it up a little bit. I'm very thankful for Luke for lots of reasons.

One, this is not at the top of the list, but he said, dad, I'll be glad to come in and do the show with you, but what are we gonna talk about?

And I basically said, I'll tell you when we get there. And Luke said, okay, fine. So anyway, let us know what you think about the new format.

Tell your friends. Of course, Mario tells me all the time, make sure you say like and subscribe and forward and Patreon and all these other things.

So do that. And then lastly, don't forget the new book, "'The Chosen' is out, and it's an easy to read book, simple, small on unconditional election, and how

God chooses and how he predestines in love." And so you can pick that up on Amazon. Guaranteed no second commandment violations.

That's correct. That's correct. That was Pat who told me, by the way, oh, you should call it the chosen just to play off of it.

So anyway, before we get started in today's show, anything that comes to your mind that you're wanting to get off your proverbial chest?

Maybe off camera. So today,

I thought it would be good for us to talk about a pastor's home, pastor's family from the dad's perspective and of course the son's perspective.

And now Luke is ministering and preaching at Redemption Church, North County in San Diego.

We'll talk about that next show, but maybe just a quick update on that so they'll know. Yeah, so I'm one of three pastors at Redemption Church, North County.

It's in Carlsbad, California. So it's in San Diego County, but it's really 30 minutes north up closer to Orange County.

So I've been there for about two years now preaching through Mark. So following your footsteps,

I said there was a few things I never wanted to do when I was in your home. Two of them I knew for sure.

I'd never wanted to be in sales and I never wanted to be a pastor and I've done both in my life, so.

Yes, but thankfully you haven't done them at the same time. Well, I have actually. Oh, but you weren't selling in the pulpit.

Yeah, I wasn't selling the gospel. No, that's interesting. When it comes to sales, sales reps and selling cars and all that, there is an aspect to persuasion, maybe even answering objections, not as crass as features and benefits, but telling people the glories of Christ and how trust in Him that has all kinds of, the glory to God, but also benefits for them personally.

So I'm trying to just get myself out of this somehow. Assume the close. Yeah, but I never have to close, that's so nice, right?

I give the free offer. I didn't do that in sales. People had to pay for what I was selling, but I get to give the free offer.

Would it be right to ever say to an unbeliever, here are the claims of Christ and His person, His work, and if they said, do

I have to stop sinning in order to come to Christ, would it be ever right to say, no, you don't have to? I think it'd be always right to say, no, you don't have to.

Because God died for the ungodly, right? God justifies the ungodly. And then of course, when

God saves you and gives you a new heart, then you begin to say no to sin. Consequently. That's right.

Conditionally? Consequent. Okay, good, all right. We'll talk about that in another show too. So pastor's home, and here's the thing, big picture.

A pastor's home should look like every other home. Every other home, Christian home, should look like the pastor's home.

There's not something special and unique or different. I wanna go to Pastor Mike's house and see what he does behind the scenes.

That really shouldn't even be asked. Maybe I wanna go to Pastor Mike's house to see what he does, or maybe another godly man, maybe an elder, maybe just a 65 -year -old man in the church that you think

I can learn from. But I thought it might be good to kind of pull the proverbial curtain back and say, what happens in a pastor's home?

Let's start off with this, Luke. When did you realize you were in a pastor's home? And the reason why

I'm asking that is because we wanted to try to make our home just normal, regular. I have a job, ministry,

I'm glad to do it, but we just have a regular family home. I think I always knew we had a regular family home, but we also grew up with knowing that you were a pastor and that that had certain implications for us.

But I think I always loved being a pastor's kid. I do remember though, I actually don't remember this, but when there was some problems at the church early on because of your stances on different issues, you told me that I asked you, and I vaguely remember asking, dad, why doesn't anybody like us at the church anymore?

So I don't think that's really serving your point of what you're bringing up. But of course I knew you were a pastor and that that meant certain things for our family.

But I guess the question is, when did I realize? Well, I did realize, I think as I got older, when

I was in high school and wanted to be rebellious and do different things, I always had in the back of my mind,

I think other people don't have to think this way, what I do is going to affect my father, perhaps even his job.

Because even though I don't think I was a regenerate, I knew what the Bible said about elders ruling their own household well and children not being rebellious.

So I think you did a good job. I know this is not your main point, but we always felt like we had a fun family.

We did lots together. We had a lot of privileges of being in a pastor's home, even of traveling with you and you would preach.

But at the same time, I think I always knew there is something unique about this office, but I do think that you did a good job, not necessarily forcing us to act differently than other families.

I remember the time when you said, Daddy, I remember it a little differently. Daddy, why don't people like you?

Because you liked me, mom liked me, the kids, right? And so why don't they like you?

And oftentimes what happens is if somebody doesn't like the pastor, then they also in a cowardly way, take it out on the children, right?

Why would you treat children differently because you don't like the pastor or something like that?

And so growing up, I thought I've got to weigh something out and you, of course, with your son Eliezer and one on the way,

I've got to weigh this out. And that is, I don't want to overburden the children and say, by the way, if you're rebellious, it could cost me my job and my living and the ministry and preaching and all that stuff.

But also it's kind of good to say what I do, how

I act, it affects other people, right? And so if you think about you as a dear

Christian who's watching today and you say, I'd like to give honor to the Lord. I want to live in such a way that people say, that's a

Christian, they're transformed, they're renewed, they're different. And when we live that way as Christians, when we walk in a manner worthy of the calling, that's for our own good, true, but it also gives

God glory. And so I think in a very similar way, you're thinking, I want to make my dad look good. I don't want to shame him.

And of course, with unbelievers, before you're saved, you could even think that way, right?

I know I thought that way growing up, 18 years old. And I think when I'm working for the phone company for my dad,

I want to make him look good. And so sometimes I think parents put no burden on their children because that might overburden them.

But I think a healthy dose of, we're a family, that is the Ebendroth family, we're a church family.

And what we do, it affects others, right? Even I'm thinking, Luke in 1

Corinthians, sexual immorality, when he talks in the plural, you're the temple of God and what you do affects other people.

Yes, it's a sin against God and joining yourself to a harlot. It's like you're taking the whole church.

What's worse than just going to sleep with a harlot is taking the whole church to the red light district.

So that's something that I think it was good for us to instill in you. And maybe your mom did it more than I did.

And that is, you know what? We want to act in a godly way to honor the Lord, but also there are consequences.

Yeah, well, and I think, like you said, this is true. This should be true for all families. And I want to be this way with my wife and my children, future children one day with my son,

Eleazar, and I think we should aspire to a sense of strong family identity that what you do represents your family.

I think that was something that was pretty well -known in Western culture and it's fallen on hard times recently, but you should have a loyalty to your family that I represent them,

I reflect them. So I think that's pretty basic to any kind of strong family identity.

And the family is the building block of society. It's the first thing that God instituted. One man, one woman, marriage and family before anything, before government, it is the fundamental building block.

So I think that was a good thing. But the other thing that I think you did well, and you didn't say, come on, and talk about all the things you did well, but -

Don't lie. Yeah, well, but one of the things you did well, I think, was we always felt the expectation, and we've had multiple conversations about this with parenting, that I always knew there was high expectations because of our family, not just because you're a pastor, but because we were part of the

Abendroth family and we represent you. But that was motivated, and we can go back to even the gospel driving our obedience to the law, that was motivated by our strong family identity and all of the privileges that we got, the blessings of being in the family.

So I remember, I won't bring up all the specific details, but I remember there were things that I was allowed to do that none of my friends on the street, not sinful things, not unwise things, but there were things that you let me do that no other kids at church got to do them.

We got to travel, we got to surf, we got to do all kinds of different things. And so there was always this strong family identity of not just here's what we don't do, and here's where you represent me or else, but wow, all the things that I get to participate in because my parents are the way they are.

And so I don't want to disappoint them because I love them. So we always did things as a family together.

We had fun together, we laughed together. You took interest in things that I was interested in, even if you didn't really care.

I remember going surfing together. I know you like surfing, but not as much. So I think there was a good balance thereof, if we're talking about for other families, not just for pastors, there's high expectations, but just like there's high expectations for the

Christian life because of the gospel, those are built on grace, love, identity as a family.

And then there's a corresponding reality that you want to represent well, so.

I like that. Mike Ebendroth with my son Luke today on No Compromise Radio. You can always email me, mike at nocompromiseradio .com.

I'm thinking about the family now, Luke, and how Satan attacks the family. And of course, if the

Lord loves the family, created the family, you know, first boy, we have a avalanche

Bible church out here. Satan attacking the family. I was thinking about family crests and Kim, your mom, my wife is a

Duncan. And what's the family motto or what's the motto of the

Duncan? Discapate in Latin, learn to suffer. That was your youth.

Halloween, yeah. What were some of the best times of being a pastor's son, a pastor's child?

What are some of the most unique things or fun things? You alluded to a couple before, but I'm gonna ask you the negatives here after that.

So let's start with the positive. What were the most fun things? I think the most fun things,

I just loved spending time with you and I got to do a lot of unique things because even though BBC, the church here is not a mega church or anything, you did have unique opportunities to preach in other countries.

And so I think one of the things that all of us kids, my three sisters and I all remember is that you would take each of us on a trip whenever you would preach.

So both close and far, I think I went to South Africa and Germany with you.

Maddie went to Israel, Gracie went to Turkey. Maybe I'm mixing some of these up and then Haley got to go to India.

So you always would switch off and take one of us with you alone on these trips. And I always just thought it was fun.

I was proud of you being my dad, that you were gonna go there and teach the Bible. And I think I mentioned that I don't think

I was a believer in high school, but still growing up, I believed in a sense that I knew and I assented even if I didn't trust in the

Lord. But I was always just proud to go with you when you were preaching and you always bring up the story about how when you would get up to preach in other places, we're in Germany and stuff,

I'd be sitting next to you in the front row and you would get up and go to the pulpit and I would move over to your seat.

I don't know if I was trying to keep it warm. I was a bench warmer. But I think that's one of the things that comes to mind is

I always thought there was a lot of fun things of you being a pastor and just being as a pastor, you're a leader.

So I think as a young man, you are proud of your dad when he's leading and you had all these men in here doing

Bible studies and reading through books. So I think that's probably one of my favorite memories. It just flashed into my mind before we get to the con.

Just funny things happen in life. And of course, kids are kids. And when kids are disobedient or disrespectful, there are consequences.

And when kids are kids, they're just kids, right? And even if they're 14 or 15, I wonder how old you were,

Luke, when it was a Sunday morning, we're all in the same car. I think we had that blue wind bag,

I mean, wind star, excuse me, and the van. And all right, we've gotten done talking to people.

You know what it's like on Sunday morning, I'll finish my conversation. Kim's been waiting for me, but as I'm finishing, she starts another conversation.

So I'm done, she starts, I have to wait for her. You can't get out of the building. And so I would say to the kids, stick around, we're gonna go.

And we could not find you. And so I could not find Luke. I don't know how old you are, 12, 14.

Old enough that you could probably survive on your own if left here, because we left you here. We could not find you.

And you had gone up into the youth room and there's couches up there and you laid down on the couch and you took a nap and you woke up and then where's everybody?

Well, dad said, you better be here on time or we're leaving you. I remember the story a little differently. I remember that you -

His memory is better than mine. You told me that I should go up to the youth room upstairs and take a nap because I was feeling so sick, but I had come with you to Sunday night service.

And then I was laying up there and I woke up and you forgot. And then I came downstairs because we would drive multiple cars to church because as you know, it's chaos sometimes when you're trying to get out of the house and the pastor's family, not chaos, but you've got to be there early.

So then I woke up - If Satan ever shows up, it's on Sunday morning. And everybody thought that you, each of you, you and mom thought that you had driven me home.

So then I woke up and the door was locked and I walked down the stairs and we already had the security installed here and it was beeping going off, movement in the hallway.

And then I got into the office and I called the home phone and you came pick me up. Oh, okay. That was probably the right one.

That was last Sunday. How about something negative?

We talked a little bit before about people not liking us for certain reasons. Besides being left at the church. Besides being left at the church.

Anything else? And the reason why I'm asking is because then maybe our listeners could say, well, you know what?

I am not a pastor, but I'm just a dad and we have a regular family and I'd like to do things appropriately and maybe

I should avoid doing such and such because it makes a kid embittered or... I mean, you've commended me several times, but you can say, this was difficult for me.

For specifically being a pastor's kid? A pastor's kid, yeah. Living in a pastor's family. Yeah, I mean,

I can't really think of a specific thing. I remember when I went to master's college,

I got there and I met all these other pastor's kids. And one of the things

I thought was, man, I didn't realize I was in a cult because everybody else's parents did the same things to them. Just kidding.

But there was all these specific, whether it's wake up in the middle of the night and do an ice cream pajama ride or different fun things you would do.

I remember I found out a bunch of them were from books. I just thought you were creative. But anyways -

I'm creative in my selection of books. You are. And I remember I met all these other pastor's kids and I noticed that.

I also noticed everybody's parents dated each other, which I wasn't used to. But the third thing I noticed was people would ask, what was it like being a pastor's kid?

It was so horrible, wasn't it? And that wasn't, not every person, but I had that happen to me multiple times.

And I think I was converted probably half, part of the way through my freshman year there.

And even then I didn't, I think I probably just gave a blank stare or said I didn't really have that experience.

So I don't think there's anything negative that I can think of about being a pastor's kid specifically.

I mean, I guess you could say there's more attention on you or something, but I think there's obviously, you have flaws like everyone else, but I don't think those things are related to you being a pastor specifically.

I'm glad you say that because the flaw part. Yeah, you. What I'm trying to communicate, most people here are, those watching are probably not pastors and pastor's wives and pastor's kids.

But I guess my big point today, my big takeaway, my driving emphasis is,

I don't think there should be really any difference between a pastor's family behind the scenes and a non -pastor's family, right?

The same thing should be done from Bible time to having fun, to not just being a dictator and a drill instructor and law only, taking kids on trips, being involved.

So this is just kind of behind the scenes of anybody's family and having that close tight knit unit.

What do you think, Luke? I've noticed that mom is such a force and I don't mean in an impersonal way, but her personality, her desires, her godliness.

I mean, I'm not the one who's memorized Romans and Ephesians, et cetera. Was there a sense of,

I don't want to disappoint my parents. I don't wanna let them down.

It had nothing to do with disqualification in ministry. It had to do with, I just would like to have that loving relationship.

Yeah, of course. I don't think you should put it in the past tense. Was is totally eliminated.

No, of course. Right, and in a sense, isn't that a good way to describe our relationship with the

Lord where you're not going to get kicked out of the family and lose your last name because you disobey, but there's that closeness.

There's that communion. Obviously the Lord doesn't move away in any spatial way or anything like that, but it's as if we've moved away.

And I remember that story. We did this to you a couple of times. So we're out taking a walk in the woods and maybe it's new woods or something like that.

And we're out exploring. We've got the dog, four children, Kim and I, and we would usually say, do you remember what we would say to you before we would walk?

No. You can go up as far as head as you want, but you have to always be able to see us.

So just take off, run, have fun. The dog's running around. And so I learned this also from a book.

When your kids get too far ahead and you've given them a long leash as it were, but they go a little too far, that we would just pop behind the tree.

And Kim and I would hide. And then you're just strolling along merrily and you're like, wait, and then you would just come running back.

And in a sense, and I don't want to have Rich Barcellos or Maestro correct me or something like that,

James Dolezal, call me. It's like, it's as if the

Lord, as we kind of wander like sheep, it's as if he kind of hides behind a proverbial tree.

See, I'm trying to use all the as ifs as possible. And then we want to run back to him, right? Isn't that, does that sound good?

You're the seminary student. Sounds great to me. But I thought it was just for thinking of what the

Psalmist says when he says, previously I was like a beast towards you or I needed a bit in a bridle to remain close to you.

Isn't that the language of Psalm 73? And he doesn't want to do that anymore in repentance.

I know Psalm 32 mentions it as well, but he doesn't want to be like the beast, the unthinking, unfeeling, irrational animal that has to, because of discipline, stay close to the

Lord. He wants to stay close of his own accord because of the loving, close relationship. I think maybe you're going to correct me that it's

Psalm 32 instead. No, no, it's Psalm 73 as well. And 32, you mentioned it. When the

Psalmist said, I kept silent, David said, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long, night and day your hand was heavy upon me.

So there is an, you know, it's not a hiding, but very much a discipline. And then it talks about forgiveness and covering and confession.

And it ends with be glad in the Lord and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.

In the sense of parental relationship with the Lord, not judicial, but parental, close, sin breaks that.

And then with forsaking repentance, confession, asking for forgiveness, back to be glad, rejoice, shout for joy.

When's the last time you shouted for joy, son? I don't know. When Eliezer was born?

I don't know if I shouted. I didn't yell, this is a boy. Or not, this is a boy. We'll yell that next time, it's a little more cinematic.

No, it's a boy. Yeah. So maybe that was the last time. Okay, that's good. One of the things that endears me to you,

Luke, is of course you're manly and masculine and you'll stand up for truth, but you have a real soft side.

You're not afraid to cry. You tear up a little bit. This is going out on YouTube, yes. If one in the family starts to cry and tear up for many times for joy, like the other day, it's a matter of time before the chain reaction and kind of right there at the chain reaction up front is

Haley and you. And is it godly to cry? Is it masculine to cry?

What's your cryology? This is a cryology lesson. Well, I remember what you told me.

Don't cry if you get hurt because you don't wanna act like a girl, basically. So man up.

Yeah. Don't cry if you get hurt. And then, but you always said, if you're crying about something worth crying about, so like your grandma dies or you're crying because the

Lord's answered prayer or some kind of joy over someone's salvation, then you always said this.

I think you just made this up, but you said, don't wipe your tears. There's nothing to be ashamed of. So I always stuck out to me.

I think, Luke, only once that I can remember in the last 25 years, wiping my eyes in public because of tears, because I think if a man cries or a lady cries for certain, there's nothing wrong with crying.

I mean, Jesus wept, right? Jesus cried. True humanity. You know, I hate it when people are like, the

Bible never says Jesus laughed. Well, it never said he climbed a tree either, but I bet you he climbed a tree.

And so he's truly human. He's perfectly human. And guess what? Sinless humans cry.

They laugh. They do what we do short of any kind of sin. And so I thought, you know what?

I'm not gonna wipe my tears away because I'd always, I think I just got embarrassed. You know, my father, Korean war vet, big guy, didn't show his emotions,

German. And it just like, you know, sissy's cry. I thought, no, no, that's not true. Sissy's cry, if they skin their knee, get over it, hop back up five -year -old and get going.

But men cry. And if you cry for the right reasons. And so I think the only exception to my public tear wiping has been,

I was crying during a sermon and I don't cry during every sermon. Once out of every six to 12 months, maybe

I cry in the pulpit. On cue. Give yourself a little pinch. I pinched myself.

And I needed to start preaching again after I cried. And I just, I tried to compose myself and pause, but I couldn't read my iPad because of the extra magnification of the tears.

So I actually had to wipe my tears away. You broke your rule. Uh -huh, I hate that. My other preaching rule,

I have many rules, but one of them is, you don't need water up there. Everybody, you know, wherever I go preaching, across the world, you know,

I'm a world traveler. Do you need a water? Do you need a water? Here's your water. Like, how often do you really need a water?

Do you need a water after an hour of sitting here talking? Well, maybe, I don't know, but having water, and then the crinkling water bottles and stuff like that.

And I got out of the hospital having COVID and nearly dying. And I remember preaching at a conference in New York and I think,

I need a water. So I finally had to break down and have a water. What do you remember in the few minutes we have left about family

Bible time? What were your recollections of that? Because it's important for everyone, not just pastors, to have the dad sit down and open the

Bible and talk about the Lord. Yeah, I think, well, I remember from family worship that you would,

I remember how often we did it. I also remember that you would always try to make it fun for us.

So it wasn't just read a couple of verses. I think the Joel Beeky book is really helpful to keep things simple, not too long, keep their attention.

You know, you're not trying to do the, you know, tell your wife, sit down, you know, open your Bibles to Ephesians chapter three and preach a 45 minute message and then build that up with your kids.

But I think what you did is you not only allowed them to be short, but you made them fun.

So I remember, for some reason, I specifically always think of the time that we read about Lot's wife.

And I'm not sure how you explain Sodom and Gomorrah, but I remember you read the story about Lot's wife turning back and turning into salt.

And then you took out the salt shaker and you went around and you'd always do this big face to us.

And he said, wow, look at the salt. And then we would taste the salt together and think Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt.

So I just remember things like that. I remember you would always read the stories for me about Ehud and all these manly stories.

Named my son after one of them, Eleazar. All the Philistines run away and Eleazar stands up and kills them all and the rest of Israel just has to come back and pick up the bodies.

So I think to summarize your philosophy of family worship is, and hopefully some of your preaching too in radio, is,

I'm sure people know this, but your favorite saying, it's a sin to make the Bible boring. I think you did a good job with that as kids.

Well, I watch you do what I did. You do with your son, Eleazar, kissing the Bible. I love the

Bible. Every night, yeah. I would do that. So if I'm not excited about the Bible at Bible time or preaching on Sunday, then why would anybody else be excited?

Maybe they're just that godly, but you've got kids here. Some of the problems that I had, Luke, with family Bible time is

I try to figure out how to use props to reenact it. So one of the difficult ones was not,

David is feigning madness and he's foaming at the mouth at the door. I did that. I just got spit in my mouth and.

I don't remember that. But the hard one was the fire pot that's going between the slain animals.

So how do I get slain animals in the fire? So I took napkins and try to make them like into little animal characters and then rip them in half.

And you know, the birds, you don't have to rip in half and then rip in half. And then I took like a lighter and I went through the slain animals for this covenant, this unconditional covenant in Genesis 15.

That was hard for me to do. That's when you told us that Klein says, who swears the oath? And that's how you can tell it's the covenant of grace.

Right. Who swears the oath? Well, I hope you could pick up a few inside tidbits today on No Compromise Radio.

My name is Mike Abendroth. This is Luke Abendroth. You can go to bbcchurch .org for the sermons that I've preached and other teachers here.

You can go to Redemption NC. Is that right? For your website?

Redemption Church. North County? Northcounty .com. Just type that in. It'll be in the notes.