TLP 328: The Choice All Parents Have to Make, Part 2

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A child who grows away from her parents later in life hasn't really grown away from her parents.

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She was always predisposed to her own way and her own desires, it's just now her selfishness doesn't agree with mom and dad.

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Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. I hope you're having a productive start of the year. My family is just finishing up their first week back in their lessons.

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My wife and I homeschool our kids. They're both in 9th grade this year and they're doing a great job. While we were at Victory Academy, we started using the

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Bob Jones distance learning material which was a little bit different than our original plan but it ended up being what we needed then and we've been very pleased with it.

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They follow a very traditional path when it comes to education but my wife and I supplement and change it as necessary to be more robust and applicable for our family.

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They're also studying Spanish this year which I think is cool. The only problem is that my wife and the kids are the only ones who now understand it and for some reason

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I can see this backfiring on me at some point in the future. Oh well, I guess I can always just talk to myself in German.

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I'm sure that will make me feel much better. I hope that as you get back into daily life, you'll remember that you can use our affiliate links at truthloveparent .com

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Isn't that just like a great way of supporting TLP? You shop as usual and Amazon sends us money for it.

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Now in the past, I suggested that you click through to Amazon using our links and then save it as a bookmark or favorites page.

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But I've been finding out that the coding is changing and that it doesn't really work anymore and that's technology for you.

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So the best thing for you to do is to have a bookmark or favorite of truthloveparent .com.

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Anytime you want to shop on Amazon, just click the TLP bookmark, then click the very first Amazon link you see and you'll be set up to shop.

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And while you are in shopping mode, by the way, you can check out the TLP store at truthloveparent .com

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and pick up your own iconic t -shirt. Our iconic collection features comfortable t -shirts with minimal artwork.

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It's made up of just three logos that represent truth, love, and parenting. They're a great conversation starter, they're great for advertising, and they're a pretty great reminder of the parent

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God called and created you to be. All right, let's finish up our study of the choice all parents have to make.

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Last time we learned that number one, how we parent this year is an immense choice. Two, how we parent this year must be an individual choice.

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Three, how we parent this year must be an intentional choice. And four, how we parent this year must be an immediate choice.

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Please make sure you listen to that episode all the way through before continuing on today. If you're returning with us, let's start by reading our passage from Joshua 24, 14 through 15.

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Now, therefore, fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and truth, and put away the gods which your father served beyond the river and in Egypt, and serve the

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Lord. If it's disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve, whether the gods which your father served which were beyond the river or the gods of the

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Amorites in whose land you are living. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Number five, how we parent this year will be an indenturing choice.

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Now, I'm not the guy who normally chooses to alliterate my points. This is a perfect reason why. Eventually, you're forced to choose a word that's not exactly right or seems a little odd.

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So here's my odd word, indenturing. However, it is really the best word to use. Joshua says, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve.

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I mentioned last time how our society doesn't like the concept of slavery and service, and that it is good in many ways.

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However, Jesus Christ himself said, you know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them.

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It is not this way among you. But whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave, just as the

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Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.

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Modern slavery is a sin and really isn't like most of the slavery mentioned in the

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Bible, especially among the Jews. But indentured servitude to the God of the cosmos is our calling.

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It's what we were created to do. And when we serve God rightly, it will result in us serving those around us.

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Do you want to parent well this year? Do you really want to parent well this year? First, you must remember that you are a slave of Christ.

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You are his ambassador. What you want doesn't matter if it doesn't conform to his will. We are to parent our children as he would parent our children.

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But second, we must understand that our service to Christ is going to result in our service to our families.

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After washing his disciples' feet, Jesus said, do you know what I have done to you? You call me teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am.

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If I then, the Lord and the teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.

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For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is the one who is sent greater than the one who sent him.

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If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. And it's Philippians 2, 5 through 8 that calls us to live as Christ did.

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Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a bond -servant, an indentured slave, and being made in the likeness of men.

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Being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death, on a cross.

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Our parenting choice this year is an indenturing choice. Most of the time you hear the word indentured, it's in regard to servants and slaves.

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Merriam -Webster defines indenture as a contract binding one person to work for another for a given period of time.

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It's a legal, binding choice to offer ourselves as living sacrifices to God in our parenting, and in so doing, emulate our

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Lord as his ambassador by serving our family. I hope to do a series of episodes in the future all about what it looks like to serve our family members, but I'm confident you have enough to go on for a decent start to the year.

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Now, imagine with me that you understand this immense choice to individually, intentionally, and immediately make this choice that indentures you to God and family.

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What kind of impact do you think that will have on your spouse and kids? It'll be huge.

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So, number six, how we parent this year will be an influential choice. Notice that after calling us to individually choose whom we will serve,

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Joshua proclaims, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. This may sound like it's an individual choice for everyone but the people in Joshua's home, but I don't believe that's the case.

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Joshua knew two things about his household. A, he was one of the most influential voices in their lives, and B, his family would follow his leadership.

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When your children are very young, it's easy to believe you have their hearts, but it's hard to tell the difference between genuinely loving submission and contented pragmatism.

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Everyone thinks their kids worship the ground they walk on, and to a certain extent, that's true in an underdeveloped sense.

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But as our children grow and their sinfulness takes on selfish independence that doesn't mind hurting those around them, it's easier for us to see their true hearts.

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This is one reason the stereotype is that parents and their teenage children grow apart. It's practically assumed in our culture that once your kid hits 13, your relationship with them is in for a bumpy ride.

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But this stereotype grows from a giant misconception. It arises from the idea that a mildly obedient child who still retains his store -gay affection for his parents has a wonderful relationship with them.

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That's not the reality. Generally speaking, the teenager who is antagonistic toward his family has always been separated from them.

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Whereas before, their self -worship led them to fawn on mom and dad or pragmatically choose to follow the only family traditions they've ever known, now their self -worship, coupled with an ever -growing understanding of their ability to think and act independently from their parents, leads them to do whatever they want.

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The fruit may look different superficially, but it isn't any different in nature because the root is the same.

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Self -worship. Now, I just threw out a lot of ideas I can't unpack right now, but I want to share some past episodes that may help you understand what

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I'm saying. First, I mentioned the word store -gay. This is a Greek word we studied in our Four Family Loves series.

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That's a study your family needs to sit down and go through together if you haven't already, and even if you have, maybe it'd be a good time for a refresher.

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And that would also be a great idea considering that Valentine's is the next holiday on the calendar. Second, I've talked a lot about self -worship.

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I'm going to link a number of episodes in the description of this show that deal with the biggest sin struggles in your children's lives.

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There's what is your child's sin, your child's bungee, the nature of sin in parenting, parenting a zombie, family worship, what is your family idol, training your children to rebel, and how to know if your child is addicted.

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Each of those episodes, and many more of them, get to the heart of our children's and our sin problems.

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The point of this very important rabbit trail is that a child who grows away from her parents later in life hasn't really grown away from her parents.

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She was always separated from them in one way or another. She was always predisposed to her own way and her own desires.

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It's just now her selfishness doesn't agree with mom and dad, and it's easier to see. And if we're being logical and honest, we can admit that a pharisaical adherence to our commands is no better than a rebellious rejection of our commands.

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As ambassador parents, we should be parenting our kids toward a relationship with God. Now, since all of our children come into this world separated from him, it's better for us to assume we don't have our children's hearts, regardless of how quickly they obey when we speak.

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This different parenting mindset will drive us to do two things. First, instead of assuming we know where our kids' minds are, we'll be on a journey of discovery.

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Second, instead of assuming our kids adore us, we'll be on a mission to win their trust. Now, all this assumes that we're trying to be an influential voice in our children's lives, and that if we have a genuine relationship of love and trust, our kids will follow us.

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I believe Joshua knew that about his family. He knew that given the individual choice to serve the

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Lord, his family would follow his lead because they loved him and trusted him. He had their hearts and was influencing them for God.

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Your parenting choices this year will be influential. If you parent for selfish reasons, you'll be teaching your kids to reject your authority as you reject

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God's. This is why I wrote the episode called, The Most Potentially Destructive Influence in the Life of Your Child.

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Please allow me to spoil the surprise. We parents are the most potentially destructive influences in the lives of our children.

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If our parenting is rooted in us getting from our kids what we want, we're teaching them to live life the same way.

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I've also included links to three more episodes about influence and leadership. Stop being the leader, don't lose your influence, and turn bad influences into non -influences.

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So, just like you can't hide from the fact that this parenting choice is immense, just like you can't hide from the fact that it's individual, just like you can't hide from the fact that this parenting choice will be made immediately and will be clearly intentional when we make it, and just like the fact that your parenting choices are going to indenture you to self or God, you cannot escape the reality that your parenting is going to fundamentally influence your children.

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Are you understanding why it's so important for us to be thinking through our parenting? We mustn't try to wing this, okay?

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Improvised parenting is failure parenting. It's sinful parenting all the time. We must intentionally and premeditatedly work to be disciple -making ambassador parents for Christ.

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And that's our final point, for Christ. You do have a choice in all this.

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Joshua told the Israelites, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve, and he listed out a bunch of gods.

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But then he said, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. There are choices. And in fact, it may have even sounded like a multifaceted buffet of choices.

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You can have the God of the Amorites. You can have the God of the Egyptians. But it wasn't really a multifaceted buffet.

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Joshua knew exactly what we know. Worship of anything other than God is worship of self.

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When we choose to reject God's lordship in our lives, we've made our own priorities more important than God's.

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Whatever we choose to invest in after that is merely a consequence of our own self -worship.

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Just two choices on the shelf, pleasing God or pleasing self. So number seven, how we parent this year should be an indisputable choice.

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As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. The name

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Joshua invoked was the personal covenant -keeping name of God. The word translated

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LORD in all caps in the English is the word Yahweh in the Hebrew. It's the unique name of God.

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It encompasses his otherness, but it also drips of his personal care and relationship.

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Joshua knew the obvious answer. He wasn't going to pursue empty worship of false foreign gods.

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And though he knew it would be a daily struggle, he didn't want to waste any more time worshiping Joshua.

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He knew the only indisputable answer was Yahweh. It should be a clear choice to every one of us.

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Now, the real problem boils down to three things. Number one, ignorance of the issue.

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And we'll talk about that in a second. Number two, temptation to self -worship. And three, lack of intentionality.

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Now, as of this moment, none of us are ignorant to the struggle. And please share this episode so that we can help as many parents as possible understand that they are going to make a choice in their parenting this year, and that for the sake of their creator, their own lives, and the safety of their families, they must make the correct choice.

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We don't want them to be ignorant of the issue either. And we're all going to struggle with the moment -by -moment temptation to want to please self.

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It's in our DNA. It's unavoidable. It's our sin nature, and we're stuck with it until we die.

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But we don't have to be mastered by it. But we will be mastered by it if we float through this life according to our feelings.

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If we're brain -deadly floating through life, if we're going to default to our basic sinful desires every time.

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There is none who understands. There is none who seeks for God. All have turned aside.

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Together they have become useless. There is none who does good. There is not even one.

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The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.

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There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. See, we default to destructive behavior.

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This is why the linchpin is our intentionality. We must purposefully motivate our parenting in the truth of God, for the glory of God, in the power of God.

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Then and only then will we make the right choice all parents have to make. If you would like some specialized help in your personal life or your parenting, if you would like someone to help speak into one of your family relationships, please don't hesitate to contact us at counselor at truthloveparent .com.

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We would love to talk about how we may be a specific blessing to your family. Please rate and review the show.

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Let us know how this episode blessed you, and share this episode on your favorite social media outlet so other parents can make the intentional choice to serve

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God in their parenting this year as well. Remember, if we want our children to grow up into Christ, we must parent in truth and love.

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To that end, join us next time as we look at parenting trends of 2020. We'll discuss what we need to avoid and what we should probably embrace.

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I'll see you then. Truth. Love. Parents is part of the

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Evermind Ministries family, and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional, premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.