Quiet Hands - Ecclesiastes 4:4-6

Ecclesiastes 4:4-6 and the Bridge from Oppression to Companionship

Well, this morning we continue on in chapter 4 of Ecclesiastes, and as we continue on in chapter 4, we'll hopefully keep track with the context that we're in and what we've left behind. That's why we begin our corporate reading in verse 1, because it's not immediately apparent how verses 1 through 3 belong with verses 4 through 6, and even then, verses 7 through 16, which all seem to surround the theme of friendship or companionship, the idea of threading the needle between the dangers of being solitary, but also making too much of friends, making friendship ultimate.

And so how does this idea of companionship, which takes up the second half of chapter 4, relate to the concern over injustice we saw in the first three verses, this despair and lament about oppression, and then what we're looking at in verses 4 through 6, which is really about toil and our contentment or lack thereof.

And I'd like you to see that the bridge between the two is actually held together here in verses 4 through 6. That one form oppression may take is actually in our envy or jealousy of others, what that causes us to do when we strive against their achievements or the fruit of their labor or the gifts that God has given them.

So this is the bridge to go from oppression and how envy is actually a fuel of oppression and part of what the king is lamenting to actually a right way of relating to and viewing people, how to view people as neighbors and how to develop companionship with neighbors.

So that's really how we're holding together chapter 4. Let me read for us from verses 4 through 6. Again, I saw that for all toil and every skillful work, a man is envied by his neighbor. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind.

The fool folds his hands and consumes his own flesh. Better a handful with quietness than both hands full together with toil and grasping for the wind. So looking at our passage, you'll notice that there's a repetition of language.

You have this imagery of grasping for the wind twice. This is vanity. This is grasping for the wind. You have the bookends of work and toil together with toil grasping for the wind at the end and at the beginning.

I saw that for all toil and every skillful work. So that's framing in the contours of our passage. And then we have this parallel imagery of hands, and that's going to be our focus this morning. We actually see three different types of hands, or perhaps we could say three different ways that our hands may be occupied.

Restless Hands Fueled by Envy

And so the first type are restless hands, hands that are restless and frenzied because they're running the rat race. They're fueled by envy. They're striving for more. They don't realize it in the moment, but they're grasping for the wind.

And these are restless hands. And then in contrast to that, we have hands that give up the rat race, hands that actually are more than rested. They're actually folded. They're not willing to do anything.

In our way of speaking, they're not willing to lift the finger, not even to be slightly inconvenienced. And the king is roundly condemning both the frantic frenzy of restless hands and the indolent sluggardness, the sloth of folded hands, and the solution to both, the balance between either extreme, are quiet hands, a handful of quiet.

So that's going to be our focus this morning as we work through this passage. Let's begin with verse 4 as we look at restless hands. Again, I saw that for all toil and every skillful work, a man is envied by his neighbor.

This also is vanity and grasping for the wind. So the king rightly identifies that a source of our work is often envy, this competitive strain or this jealousy for what others have that we lack, for what others might gain that we currently do not possess.

And this envy as a motive, again, it's part of the despair over oppression, over evil done under the sun. Now there's some ambiguity here. Could this be taken to mean that envy is the result of toil? In other words, that one person's work results in others envying his success?

That seems to fit the passage, but could also go the other way, that the whole reason the man is working to begin with is because he too is envious. And I think the ambiguity perhaps is intentional, that we work hard because of our envy for the things that others worked hard for because of their envy.

And in this way, envy, jealousy, a slanted eye, an evil eye for our neighbor's gain, for our neighbor's profit, is actually a major source of motivation for work. This is inescapable. This is essentially the engine of capitalism.

I would say if you can find a better economic system, so be it. I don't think there's a better economic system than capitalism, but capitalism surely does not flourish because of human nature. Certainly better than socialism because of human nature and communism because of human nature.

But we can see here how in a capitalistic system, consumerism especially is driven by greed, by envy, by jealousy. There's essentially a thread of the have-nots always having an eye on the haves and then orbiting their life and work around their desire for gain.

The king has done that. We saw it in chapters 1 and 2. Everything he set his hand to, he did. Everything he wanted, everything that could be something to boast in or prize or treasure, he had it. He did it all.

And as he's about to tell us later in this passage, speaking from experience, the one who desires silver won't be satisfied with silver. That's a profound insight. What you love most, what you seek most under the sun, because life under the sun is vanity, won't satisfy you.

So the king is looking at envy. He's despairing the oppression that gives rise to this. And of course scripture roundly condemns this kind of envy, this kind of greed. This is a major thread that characterizes the rebuke of the prophets.

The prophets so often calling the people to humble themselves rather than walk around in their boasting and in their arrogance, oppressing the poor, rejecting the wayfarer and the stranger. Envy, jealousy, covetousness causing Asaph's foot to almost slip until he contemplates the end of those who are consumed with greed, who can never have enough.

And this of course is completely against what God requires of His people, that we are to love our neighbor and to seek their good, as God has loved us and sought our eternal welfare. Jealousy has only one positive nuance in all of scripture, and it's jealousy in terms of an intimate relationship.

As God is jealous for His name, jealous for His people, or a husband would be jealous for his bride. That's the only positive nuance of a jealousy. If we could say there's a righteous jealousy, it would be that relational exclusivity.

But when you're jealous or envious of your neighbor, there's no good thing there. That evil eye, that desire for gain, leads to oppression. It leads to evil that's done under the sun, evil that's in the intricate folds of our heart, very well camouflaged.

Have you lived life long enough to know how well camouflaged your envy is? A child has a hard time hiding it, don't they? You know, you picture the big folding table at the birthday party. There's one child smiling, and then there's a dozen children frowning.

They can't hide their envy. When is it my birthday? I want that for my birthday. Can I have a turn with that? As we get older, we develop very crafty techniques to hide our envy. The eye that wanders around and says, that should be mine, and that should be me.

And if I work harder, and if I strive a little bit more, maybe I can possess that as well. Envy, of course, can be a strong motivator to work hard. And for that reason, there's a restlessness. These hands are in a frenzy.

And what's causing this frenzy is the desire for gain, for more. And the more is in contrast to the others who seem to have it. If I could just get there. But the scripture says that jealousy is like a knife, a scalpel, that slowly begins to divide us.

It begins to divide our affections from our reason. It divides a neighbor against a neighbor. Even within a household, a family can be divided by jealousy. There's law offices that have to navigate distributing assets in an estate closure.

That's usually where civil war erupts in a family. Envy, as the scriptures say, kill. Job 5. Kills. It's murderous. Think of the first murder. The first bloodshed in human history was fueled by what? Jealousy.

Envy. I hate my brother. I'm going to kill my brother. I want to be rid of my brother. I don't like that my brother seems to have more gain, more acceptance, more stature than I do. The wrath of man cannot produce the righteousness of God.

Jealousy or envy, according to Proverbs 14, I think in this language, is a rottenness to the bones. Nothing can be sound when we have this ill temper of envy. And so the scriptures rebuke us that we should not envy the arrogant.

We should not envy the haughty. We should rather be humble and seek to live a quiet life with gratitude and humility in accepting what God has given us. In other words, keeping up with the Joneses comes with a cost.

It's essentially what Ecclesiastes 4 is saying. Keeping up with the Joneses comes with a cost. And the cost is never worth paying. It blinds you to the true value of the gifts that God has given you, of the things he has surrounded with you that you can be content in and even rejoice in.

I've mentioned him in years past. I grant that perhaps he's an exaggerated caricature of what he's really like, but then again, I'm not so sure. This investor, Kevin O 'Leary, what's his name? Mr. Wonderful on Shark Tank.

Here's some of the sage wisdom, the anti -Ecclesiastes 4 from Kevin O 'Leary. He says, I don't mind rude people. I want people that I can make money with. So if their executional abilities are good and they're arrogant and rude, I could care less.

I'm not trying to make friends. If you want a friend, go buy a dog. I want money. The best motivator in the world is money. And if that doesn't work, try this. More money. Mr. Wonderful. Isn't there an irony about using the word neighbor here in this passage?

Envious of one's neighbor. Envious of their skill. Of what their labor has led to. What they have that you lack. When the use of neighbor in Scripture is always a call and a command to seek their good.

Love your neighbor as Jesus explicates that in the Sermon on the Mount. Love even your enemy who is your neighbor. And so you have here this total contrast between what God has called us to and what our human nature is like when we set our hand to work.

Our hands begin to flourish and then we become a little more discontent. We want more fruit. More gain. More profit. We look at others. They have a little more fruit. They're able to do a little bit more.

They have more capacity. More freedom. They can set about and build hanging gardens and dwell in palaces. The king would recognize there's people out there who are envious of me and I'm trying to turn them back.

You have everything you need to be content. Don't come barking up this tree. The man in the marble hall is the most miserable of all. That's what the king has come to recognize. As Psalm 37 puts it, the little that a righteous man has is better than the many riches of the wicked.

There's this viral video. No needless disrespect to our former quarterback, but there's this viral video of Tom Brady cruising down what looks like some Floridian canal out on the front bow of his $12 million yacht.

This video went viral. He's just there in his sunglasses in the front of the yacht. Looks like he has no concern in the world and he's cruising. About half the comments to this viral video are, this man has the best life.

He's just vibing. This is what it looks like to be at the top. Oh, to be Tom Brady is essentially the sentiment. And then the other half essentially say, wouldn't he be a lot happier with an intact family on a beach rather than all alone on a $12 million yacht?

Which position do you think the king in Jerusalem would be in? We sometimes put our priorities and our price tags in all of the wrong places. All of the wrong places. The scriptures, and we're going to be seeing this in the next few weeks as we look at companionship and fellowship in the Christian life.

Paul says to the Galatians, don't become conceited. Don't provoke one another, envying one another. The idea is to become conceited, puffed up, inward focused rather than other oriented, causes these needless friction points and provocations.

And what is that born by? Envy, jealousy. The motive for our labor, the motive and the engine to do good to our neighbor is actually meant to be the love that has been demonstrated toward us by Christ.

We're meant to inhabit that love and then demonstrate that love in our relationships, especially among the household of faith. We're going to be exploring this in the next three weeks. You see how here he's calling out oppression, an evil work done under the sun that is born by envy and jealousy, a wrong view of the others around you because you have a wrong view of work, a wrong view of what gain there actually is to be found under the sun.

It was the wise Andrew Fuller who had a prayer to this point. He prayed, Lord, dispossess me of this bad spirit. Let me not walk in envy, but rather in holy emulation. In other words, he's saying, don't have my eye on someone because I'm jealous of them and therefore opposed to them.

Let me have my eye on them because if there's anything worth following, I want to model my life after theirs. In other words, I want to appreciate them and try to learn from the gifts that You've given them, from the fruit that they have.

He says, let me labor to exceed those in pains who excel me in parts. That is a beautiful prayer. Let me labor to exceed those in pains who excel me in parts. Let me feed and foster and nourish and cherish the graces in others, honoring them, praising those parts, and glorifying Your name because You've given them such gifts.

That's his prayer. He's saying, in other words, give me completely different eyes for the people around me. Eyes that see Your hand, Your calling, Your purpose, and a heart of wisdom to know where the gain really lies in life under the sun.

The true power of the Gospel alone can give us this kind of love, this kind of sight, this kind of wisdom in the heart. It comes from living in union with Christ, which brings about living in communion with one another.

This is going to be the theme in October at the Bolton Conference, communion with Christ, and how that brings about and creates communion with each other. If there's true communion in the body, the logic seems to be that the joy of one member will be the joy of the whole.

The gain and fruitfulness of one member will be the appreciation and admiration of the whole. That seems to be the logic of the body. Have you ever had a body part be jealous of your other body part? It couldn't be.

You're one body. One hand will not be jealous of the other hand. One foot will not be jealous of the other foot. I've never had my hands spontaneously fighting and wrangling with each other. They all seem to want to cooperate to the will of a whole body.

That's the logic of a church, according to 1 Corinthians 12. So the first thing to notice is the restless hands and the source of envy that drives our labor under the sun in ways we camouflage and don't care to admit.

That's true for everyone here. You're on the TikTok reels as a homeschooling mom. And what do you see? Homeschooling moms that are better homeschooling moms than you. And how do you feel about that? Some of you appreciate.

You heart or comment. I don't even know what TikTok does. I'm not a social media guy. You do the equivalent of hearts and thumbs up. And some, without anyone ever noticing, you sort of scowl. For some reason, you just don't like them.

Well, I'm here to tell you what that reason is. Envy. Envy, like a leech, will attach to insecurity. Envy will cause aggression, anger. I grew up in Middlesex. Thankfully, the Lord spared me. I was never bullied.

But usually, bullying comes about. That kind of aggression, that kind of rage is actually born of envy. Envy. So we recognize there's this danger that we camouflage, but we all have it. Sometimes it's profound to encounter the deep source of this envy, of this discontentment in our hearts.

I won't go into the details, but I remember not that many years ago, reacquainting myself with a brother who I had met only very briefly. And I did my best in that brief encounter to encourage him and help him.

Assuming that I was in a position to do so. Sort of taking pity on him. And then I was reacquainted with him years later, and he was very much ahead of where I had been aiming. And it was profoundly uncomfortable to see the envy churn within my heart.

That was supposed to be me. That should have been me. We all have it. We all camouflage it. We hide it from each other, but the king sees it for what it is. He was at the top, and even he finds himself to be envious.

He recognized everything that I built and tried to establish when I was expanding my boundaries and designing my palaces was actually just another twist and turn of my own jealousy. My own hopeless quest to find satisfaction under the sun when I have eternity in my heart.

Folded Hands and the Foolishness of Sloth

Now what happens to a man who sees that for what it is and then gives way to despair? This comes to the next set of hands, folded hands. And this is verse 5. Well, this is what Proverbs condemns roundly as the fool.

In fact, there's probably about 30 references that just attach sloth to the fool in the book of Proverbs. But as we've said, Ecclesiastes is in very much way a counterbalance to the book of Proverbs. So where Proverbs is almost exclusively condemning the sluggard, the fool who folds his hands.

A little bit more folding of the hands, a little bit more slumber, says the fool. That's a constant refrain in Proverbs. And Ecclesiastes says, yes, that is a danger, that is abominable, but the opposite extreme is equally dangerous and abominable.

To be restless and frenzied, thinking somehow you can secure more. And so both these things come together as a balance. But let's look at folded hands. You see the image, restless hands, grasping for the wind.

If I can have a little bit more to get a little bit ahead of my neighbors, to have a little bit more gain than them. And then the opposite to that, or sometimes the reason people opt out of that, they just give up.

I can't do it. I can't run the rat race. I can't compete. It's too far ahead of me, and so I give up. And now I numb myself. Now I drug myself. Now I live in squalor. And this is the image, now I'm consuming my own flesh.

It's a graphic image, isn't it? It's self-cannibalism. But the idea is, you're not doing anything, you're not working, you're not producing, you're not eating, so you're just left to dwindle away. You end up allowing your body to consume itself.

That's the image. The fool folds his hands and consumes his own flesh. He's not laboring, producing, or consuming anything else. This would be the word to the man or the woman who has been sitting here and going, Amen, amen, pastor, amen.

I'm not one for the rat race. I'm not jealous or envious of anything. I'm perfectly content. Oh, you're not perfectly content, you've just given up entirely. And now you're consuming your own flesh. Depression is not contentment.

Resignation is not contentment. Christian contentment is something that's very active and industrious, but there's a peacefulness and a restfulness within it. So we have this language, this metaphor of the one who refuses to work, who folds their hands because they're not willing to open their hands and put them to work.

There's something entirely disruptive about that in terms of God's point of creation. God, the first thing that he does with man is he puts him in the garden to work. This is as abject of rebellion against the Creator as any other abominable sin you could think of.

Just the absolute rejection of work. I refuse to work. I fold my hands and become entirely dependent upon everyone else around me. They'll have to drag me around and care for me to my bitter end. This is abominable in the sight of God.

He created us to work. He created us to labor. Before sin corrupted and cursed our labor and the fruit of our labor, there was a righteous labor, an effortless labor, an intrinsic desire to labor unto God.

This is what it means to be an image-bearer. And so the fool that folds his hand and consumes himself is an affront to God. This is not someone who's mastered the secret of contentment. This is someone who refuses to even look at the matters of life.

There's many young people in this generation that are refusing to work. They think the starting job is beneath them, even though the starting wage has tripled in the time that I've been alive. That's beneath me.

You can see it in the contempt they have to serve a customer. They have to somehow show they actually don't want to be at work as an employee. They have to show you their discontent. It's a rather sad thing to see that they would prefer to be idle if there was any way to actually secure it for themselves.

But as the Scripture says, when they're sitting in idleness, they begin to devour themselves. They begin to consume all the qualities that make an image-bearer an image-bearer, that sense of gravitas, of weight to a human life.

It begins to dwindle and fade. Resources disappear, but so does self-respect. And it's not just the physical deprivation, but even psychologically they begin to devour themselves. This is what happens when we disrupt God's purpose and design.

So what potential could there be for happiness in such a situation? Where do these acape diem statements fit in? For the sluggard, they don't. For the one that folds his hand and eats himself, the receiving of God's gift of life and labor cannot exist.

What reward could there be? What capacity to enjoy could there be? What comfort could he find? What need for companions would he have if he's folding his hands and refusing to engage? You see? Industrious young men and women were always the burgeoning potential of our society.

There's a reason we call the great generation the great generation. Look at what they met with in the Great Depression and look at what they did with that. If we had another economic collapse like the Great Depression today, if 1929 was 2029, do you think another great generation would emerge?

No, I feel like it would almost be the end of our society. What has happened in three generations to this understanding of working with our hands rather than folding our hands? Now every Gen Zer says there's a line in the streets.

There's 101 reasons you shouldn't have to work. But the answer to that is not grasp wildly for the wind. If they're not doing it, you can do it. Work harder and get ahead further than most. The wisdom of Ecclesiastes here is saying work diligently, be industrious so that you have enough, and then be content.

Don't let jealousy or envy fuel your work ethic, but rather realize the only gain that you can have under this sun is the gain of godliness with contentment, and that is a great gain indeed. I love that Paul says not just godliness is great gain, because Lord knows we can put two hands full of frenzy toward godliness.

No, it's godliness with contentment that is great gain. That's the gain that we can find under the sun. Notice that there's no distinction among different types of labor here. And this is a really important thing to understand.

It's not saying that only working with your hands really counts as work, or having a white collar and having the corner office on the 49th floor is the only thing that really counts. Whatever that work may be, and this is how Scripture uniformly speaks, whatever work you do, do it heartily unto the Lord.

Be content in your calling. If there's opportunities the Lord unfolds before you, the king will say, cast your bread on many waters. You don't know what will come back to you, but the point is whatever work he's called you to do in that day, receive it from him and work unto him.

Be content in that. This is, again, just the uniform testimony of Scripture. What does John the Baptist say to soldiers? Just be content with your wages. Will you guys stop complaining once? That's the idea of almost every industry I've ever been in, in the factory.

What's the coffee room? What's the break room conversation? It's griping about wages and personnel. It's management complaining about employees, and employees complaining about management. The wisdom here is that whatever the Lord has called us to, we don't have to have an eye on those ahead of us, above us, next to us, or even beneath us.

We have to have an eye unto the Lord. Work heartily unto him. Be content with what he provides. And this is really the wisdom that leads us to quiet hands, which is the third part, quiet hands. Remember, we introduced this idea of toasts, brooks, statements last week.

It's going to be a series of them in chapter four. Better than statements. And here's the second. Better a handful with quietness than both hands full together with toil and grasping for the wind. So here's the image.

Quiet Hands, Contentment, and God’s Provision

You have restless hands or folded hands, but one hand with contented quietness is better than both hands cupping and striving for more, restlessly seeking gain and grasping after the wind. If you ever had a movie night with five-year-olds, you'll know what I'm talking about.

When you bring out the big bowl of air-popped popcorn, a contented child will know, so I can take one handful and I'll get another one. A discontent child will go in trying to basically take half the bowl.

They'll open up their shirt and kind of pour. It's like, this is my one chance. And that's the idea. I know that another handful will come. I know that another handful will come. It's better to have one handful with that kind of contentment, with that kind of peace, than to be frenzied, having your hands copped and grasping after more.

There's a famous ancient fable about a boy who puts his hand into a jar. It has a small neck opening. He could just about get his hand into, and then he was trying to get these filberts out, these nuts out of the jar.

Because he was trying to get such a massive handful, he couldn't pull his hand out. The only solution was to basically only get one. But instead he sat there for hours crying and weeping and trying to get this big handful out of the jar.

It's essentially a parable about how we are in life. Our frustration is we can't get more out. And the king is saying, it's better to have one handful with quietness. Quiet hands. It's better to have just a little and fear the Lord than to have great treasure and turmoil that comes with it.

That's Proverbs 15, 16. It's better to have a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting that's full of strife. Some of you in this room know how true that is. Better to have a happy table with ramen noodles than an HGTV living room with a lot of strife and awkwardness.

What kind of feast is that? It's the Tom Brady yacht. So essentially the folded hands are a condemnation of the sluggard and the cupped hands restlessly seeking more are a condemnation of what we call colloquially the workaholic.

I don't know where that term came from. I remember a comedian saying I could never be a workaholic. My father was helplessly addicted to workahole most of his life. One laugh. That's great. He was a successful comedian.

The workaholic. We are good Protestants. We have a Protestant work ethic. Surely there's no such thing as a workaholic in our midst. Workaholism is a badge of honor in our circle. Not working hard enough.

If you've got spare time, you've got time to work. What I was told under management and food service was if you can lean, you can clean. You should always be working. You're on the clock. We own your energy.

Make it count. But of course God has brought, as we saw in chapter 3, a rhythm and an order to life. And the order is not ceaseless labor and some frenzied attempt to gain under the sun. The order he brings is a time of rest.

He does that in our daily cycle every night when we go to sleep. He does that in a weekly cycle when we have a day of rest, a day of sacred rest to worship him and gather together. He introduces seasons where the frenzy of spring quiets down into the solitude and solemnity of winter.

So we have a pattern of life that we're meant to resonate with in our own daily lives. But there's something about envy, something about discontentment that makes it very hard for us to find that kind of quiet.

So my proposal to you all is that we probably either have folded hands or restless hands. Very few of us have quiet hands. Very few of us have quiet hands. One handful of quiet that is satisfying to our soul and transformative to the way we're living our life with the Lord and with each other.

So we tread the line, we find the balance between laziness, sloth on the one hand, and just the burden of ceaselessly working, of not actually resonating with the rhythm that God would intend and for that reason never finding quiet.

Now again, we'll qualify some of these things. Some people have different capacities than others. Some people have different vocations than others. Some vocations are far more mentally exerting. Some are far more physically exerting.

Some require a lot more training and skill set. Some burn the candle at both ends. Some have seasons where they're out on full blast. We're not necessarily saying that that condemns you into this position of restless hands, but you've got to check your gut.

I remember I used to have a chip on my shoulder when I was working at the plastic factory because I'd be the guy that would take up any slack. Was there something extra to do? Was there some other need?

I was going to do it. Alicia and I weren't able to have children for the first years of our marriage, and so I would just pour myself into the warehouse. I'd go in for a 7 a .m. start and sometimes I wouldn't come home until 10 at night, 11 at night, and I would pride myself on that.

Look how industrious I'm being. Look how far ahead we'll be able to get if I keep devoting myself to this kind of labor. And the contrast I had, there was two fork truck drivers in our warehouse, and I was one of them.

The other one was this brother from Texas, and he was a brother. He was a Christian. And he was a young husband, and he had a little baby, and when the four o 'clock bell sounded, he could not be found.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I will work from seven to four, and you will see me no more. That was his whole attitude. And I'm even going, brother, I'm kind of frustrated with this guy.

You're making more work for the rest of us. Why don't you pull your share? But the Lord seemed to just give him favor. Everyone appreciated him. And so I'd be there totally until the midnight hour, and I don't think I got so much of a gold star for that.

He seemed to be at no disadvantage compared to me, but he was going home to his wife and his little baby every afternoon, every evening. On lunch breaks, he would rush to his car and pull off his kayak and go bass fishing, a pond over.

And truck drivers would say, I see this guy out in the pond fishing. He's supposed to unload my truck. I'm like, I know. He's on lunch right now. He's just kind of soaking in the day, I guess. So I would end up unloading the trucks, or I would end up staying later.

It all came crashing down to me, this little mark of pride, this chip on my shoulder. Look how much integrity I have. Look how far I'm willing to go to help the company and to help some of the customers that we have.

And I remember a brother from church, as I was talking about my schedule and the week I had at a Bolton conference, and he said, boy, it sounds like you're a workaholic. I almost couldn't speak. The thought had never even occurred to me.

This was not part of my job. These were all things I was voluntarily doing. In fact, I was searching for them because it gave me some satisfaction that I was getting ahead. I couldn't see at the time that I wasn't actually gaining in ways that I thought I was.

I was losing. For whatever I thought I was building with a few more hours on the paycheck, there were things that were falling apart at home, things that I was failing to build that I did not have an eye to because I didn't see the value of them.