I've Been Hurt! Now What? — Shane Idleman

There's a website that you can actually put a worship song on it, and it just repeats it. So I just hit repeat and get on my face in the morning and just it takes four or five six times. I'm telling you you don't believe me.

That's why I hate when people say that's just emotionalism. No, it's my heart getting ready to worship God, and it's not emotionalism. It's it's worship, and I would encourage you to be here next Sunday at 8 a .m.

Not 8 15 not 8 20 not 8 35, but get here early at 8 a .m. We're gonna actually worship before the first service. The worship is gonna flow right into the first service and the two things you're gonna have to fight our comfort and and tiredness.

Those are I'm telling you right now. They're gonna come at you hard. I just want to stay comfortable, and I'm tired, but get here. There's nothing more important than this and I realized it this morning.

I was driving here early, and I thought it's hard. Why is it so hard to get here early for prayer? But the Starbucks line is around the corner and down the parking lot that wasn't hard. You know and and we there's times we have to fight the flesh so next Sunday 8 a .m. In the sanctuary, and we're also gonna meet at 730 next door for prayer, and I know it's difficult.

Spiritual Disciplines Prepare the Soil for God’s Work

I know it's challenging. But you can really tell the spiritual health of a church by who attends the prayer meetings and the worship mornings. That's the spiritual health of the church. We should have 60 not six people here because and I'm not doing that as as to rebuke.

I'm just doing it to convict and challenge all of us myself included. Because it is much easier to stay at home and kind of relax and get here when I get here but I I'm telling you that God will break through when we Discipline ourselves, and I thought of this this might help a little bit when I talk about spiritual disciplines.

I haven't even got to the announcements yet or the introduction so. But I thought this was important when I talk about spiritual disciplines like worship or prayer or fasting. What you're doing is you're like a farmer planting the seeds and toy Tilling the soil and watering now we can water, but back in Jesus's time.

They couldn't even water very often. They had to count on the rain. And how foolish would it be for the farmer to want to go and produce all the corn stalks? It doesn't happen all the farmer does is prepare the soil, and it's God who brings the growth.

It's God who brings the fruit. That's what spiritual disciplines. Do they prepare the soil? So God can begin to work in your life without those spiritual disciplines. That's why we walk around and I call it sometimes the walking dead.

It's not just a popular TV show or is it still popular? I don't know, but it's it's something that can happen in the church. We're physically alive, but spiritually dead. So that's why those spiritual disciplines are so important.

We Have a hard time sometimes. Doing the things that are the most important cultivate the more most fruit and you can tell if you need this if this topic is Boring you or if you don't want to hear this.

It's it's sometimes it's what those times that we need to hear those things if you have your Bibles you can turn to Acts 15. The topic of the message is or the title is I've been hurt now what? I've been hurt now what and not a show of hands, but I'm pretty sure all of us can raise our hand.

Being Hurt by the Church Requires a God-Centered Response

When it comes to this topic, right? I've been hurt by the church now actually I run to people all the time. I don't go to church. I've been hurt by the church, and they don't like what I say me too all the time.

But see you never rate the church on men you treat you rate a relation with God on who Jesus is if you follow. Your your church attendance is based on being hurt or not. You will never show up. And I truly believe that God has probably worked the deepest work in my life in the life of my wife in this topic.

Because I found this out the hard way when you plan a church. You can't just go to a different one. When the hurt comes well, they offended me well. I'm gonna see them next week. Well. They hurt me. I'm gonna see them next week well.

They have and you can't just go you know what because most of you can just do this right. Just go to the next church, and I get offended. I'll just go to the next church, and I actually had to stay put and I did and I had to work through difficult things and difficult conversations and confronting and loving and I hurt people and they hurt me and We came to find out you know what that's kind of that's kind of how it's gonna be.

You you'll never go to a place where you avoid the hurts, and it's a shame that we do hurt people, but but sheep bite. They have big teeth. Sheep bite each other and how do we handle that. I've been hurt so now what and acts 15?

Actually, I don't have time to go through it at all, but there was some dissensions. There were disputes and Maybe I'll unpack that at a later time, but this message has got so much to it I want to get right to it, and then we look at Acts 15 we go all the way down to verse 7 37 and this happens in ministry now.

Barnabas was determined to take with them. John called Mark but Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them and Panthea and had not gone with them to the work then.

Contention became so sharp that they departed from one another so see it happened even in the early church. There was a departing. I mean when you have Barnabas and Paul departing. That's a pretty big offense.

Now we can read into this, and I don't want to do that, but I think they both had valid reasons. Paul had concerns. I don't want to take this person mark with us who bailed out on the last trip who hasn't been with us.

He's flaky for a better lack of a better word in the Greek. He I'm not taking this person with us. Barnabas is looking at forgiveness and saying I want to take this person with us. And I've learned that you have to have both wisdom and forgiveness.

Wisdom and Forgiveness Must Work Together

Because sometimes without wisdom We think we become a doormat and we just allow the same things and we actually enable people and We allow them to continue in destructive patterns or in destructive behavior by just and now we're supposed to forgive 70 times 7 right?

It's not a number of 490. Okay. I reached that I don't have to forgive anymore. Jesus is showing that we we have to have a heart of forgiveness, but we also have to use wisdom. So somehow there was a division among them, but we know from Colossians 410 That Paul said if Mark comes to you welcome him in 2nd Timothy 411 only Luke is with me.

Paul is saying get Mark and bring him with you because he is helpful to me in my ministry. So the book of Acts is the early record of the church there had some problems with Mark, but now we see Mark being restored somehow in that relationship so I'm just gonna pull off of this and Look at what the scriptures teach and remind you of a couple things.

The first one is huge. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I don't know if that let that sink in this week. You're gonna email me. What was that quote again?

Well, it's easy to remember drinking actually unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Now I'll jump ahead and just tell you up front. The reason this is so difficult is because the flesh That Adamic nature the nature of Adam that is a rebellion against God loves division it Thrives off unforgiveness and it flourishes off bitterness.

The flesh is just well pleased by an unforgiving heart. So that's why it's hard because you have this Unforgiveness in us that wants to not forgive you but then you have the Spirit in you and if you know you if you have the Holy Spirit in you that that that can't coexist and if you start and continue to suppress the work of the Spirit and Carry that unforgiveness in your heart.

You will quench and grieve the work of the Spirit. It will hurt your walk with God. You won't want to worship. You won't want to come to prayer meetings. You have a hard time praying at home as it is.

You'll barely drag yourself to church and you're gonna hold on to that unforgiveness and until the day you die. And that's pretty sad. Isn't it a Christian holding on to all that it actually doesn't it's a it's an oxymoron to be an unforgiving Christian.

Seasoned men and women of God have been offended ten times over. I Will encourage you in this area if you know somebody who talked to them. They've been in church a long time. They've been they've been a man or woman of God.

They've been hurt many times over. Sometimes we think of spiritual maturity. They've never been hurt. Oh, actually it's the opposite they have the scars and they have the wounds but they've still trusted in their Savior and they've released this this unforgiveness and I'll just give you the bad news up front.

We're going to be offended for the rest of our lives. Maybe at this church service, maybe at the next one. Maybe believers or on Facebook or or being offended in the and I I started to make a list of all the silly things.

I've heard Somebody didn't say hi to me. I Wasn't asked to be on the worship team. I wasn't asked to speak. I didn't that person didn't acknowledge me and I didn't and we get all these self-focused things that.

Looking back they were so silly to come in and hurt our relationship with others, but that's how the enemy works. He takes these little offenses and begins to water them. Have you ever noticed that that things just escalate or be they get bigger than they should have been and be at first.

They're just little. But then you start to pour water on it. That person didn't say hi to me a couple days go by. You know what I think I think last week water and then you talk to somebody and that other person doesn't help they fuel it and Then here's some more water for that little weed and before you know it.

You've got this full-blown Problem you're walking around mad and the other person doesn't even know it. Because that's how the enemy works. I see a root of bitterness the Bible talks about do roots grow.

They grow so big they pop up concrete. They'll pop up asphalt when that root grows. So my encouragement through the whole message is going to be pull that root out early and It hurts sometimes to go the person but it's very healthy to say what did you mean by that?

Help me understand that and and as you talk it through to believers. You're able to conquer that unforgiveness and that bitterness. Unforgiveness steals your joy. It hurts your relationship with others and it damages your walk with God.

Have you ever came into a worship service and you want to worship but you see that person. Oh, I hope the 11 a .m. Is more lively. Come on guys. You are off caffeine, aren't you? He's tired, but haven't you've came in and you're like, oh, I mean I have it but I'm sure some of you have right and and it's and it's that that.

That that unforgiveness that's there. It's very hard to worship God. And I've seen churches split over things like this. God never designed us to hop around and stay stagnant. That's what people do is there is they'll go from one place to one place.

To one place to one place and I can tell you nine times out of ten I'll meet somebody sometimes and and guys I'm really just trying to be transparent this morning to help not to not to be condemning and and and You know hurt in the wrong way but just to look at things and all the people come up and they'll say oh we found your church a couple weeks ago and we left the other one because of this and and if it's not a Biblical reason and and they're still dealing with some hurt.

They don't make it here very much longer. Because that's the mo. I Went to that church and then I went to that church and then I went to that church and I went to that church. And they begin to go around they never mature.

Now there's reasons to leave the church. I watch I added these yesterday and I'm gonna get to them in just a minute. But in this area, I would encourage you to err on the side of grace and Grow and follow God's course of restoration because if you err on the side of Bitterness and negativity.

It's never produces anything healthy. And we get hurt a lot and it's a matter of releasing that hurt. So, let me just talk about that because you're probably thinking. Because I've had people when I've given this message before many years ago.

They stay put at a church that maybe God is calling them away from just because I talked about the hopping. You know back and forth, but here's reasons to consider leaving a church even this one. This is these are reasons to consider leaving a church.

Scripture is being watered down or Avoided or Twisted and you know, that's just hmm. That's not right now. We can agree on different things. You know, we that are non-essential how Baptist not baptism the communion is done or how.

Sometimes on the gifts of the Spirit the baptism of the Holy Spirit Church governing and how it's ran and there's things that people, you know, I don't really see it that way salvation election free will.

Total depravity limited atonement all these big theological terms and there's differences in there and they can be healthy if the Spirit's right but I'm talking about essentials when you see scriptures watered down or Avoided when the church tells you I'm not going to talk about any of those Controversial things the blood of Christ and repentance and God's judgment will never mention hell from this Paul, but we're a welcoming church.

Well be careful. Because that's not the whole counsel of God. So when a church begins to decline in this area you have permission I believe to run. Now the reason I'm being careful is God sometimes is he calling a person to stay and make a difference?

This is many. This is many times. What happens. I remember I read a lot on the Reformation. That happened actually I believe early in 1200s 1300s 1400s. Accumulated 1500s people like Martin Luther John Calvin or different people would actually stay in the church.

Thinking they could make a difference and change things. But instead some of them got their heads cut off or burned at the stake and they realize that sometimes you you can't stay there and make a difference that God calls you to come out of that and Be grounded elsewhere, and it's actually not a hard problem because the more you seek God the more you humble yourself.

He will direct you in this area. I'm quite convinced of that. Also another reason to leave is that sin is never confronted. What I mean by that is I know churches. I mean I can call a church and and and say hey.

When Sin Is Never Confronted

This person is leaving our church because we confronted them about you know they can't continue to Cheat on their spouse, and you're actually have them on your worship team. Well brother, you know we believe in forgiveness, and we're just gonna let the Holy Spirit work and well.

Really, I mean, that's it sins not confronted and there are churches. They won't confront anything. They hope that a person stumbles on the Bible and reads a passage that they're not reading and comes to the truth on their own.

So if a sin is just never confronted. It's just avoid it. We just avoid that. We just want to the many times the reason they avoid is they want the numbers they want the quantity. But not the quality of the believer.

So if there's a church that all they're concerned about is numbers and not confronting because when you here's what happens. Oh, just let the cow the bag. Whatever that means there's a cat stuck in a bag and you open the bag, but the hard thing about confronting.

The hard thing about confronting is nine out of ten times the people do leave. That's a sad thing and that's why it's hard. We go to them and say hey. We don't think you have for example biblical grounds you're coming you're worshiping, but you're leaving your spouse.

So there's no biblical ground, so I just don't love them anymore. I'm moving on and but as you confront them they say I'm never seeing you again. Because we're so used to wanting to people to tell us what we want to hear and as soon as somebody challenges them.

About their lifestyle about this. They're like. I'm out of here, so that's the hard thing for the church is we know. We know that when we confront often the person leaves and Ironically, but really not ironically biblically the people who don't leave who say I need to work on that I need to grow in a year.

They're in leadership and serving in some ministry. There because they stayed and they grew. So when a church tells you or when believers tell you something to help you don't get offended and upset. Embrace it now initially you will get offended and upset right.

Right like oh man. But God are you working here? I mean I just got a mean letter a few weeks ago says I can't believe you said OMG from the pulpit you're blaspheming. And you're like did I do that? Oh my god.

You know I'm talking about oh my god. Help us. We need your help America. Oh my god. This is unbelievable. I see oh my god throughout the scripture, but I had to look like okay I hope I'm not coming across this flippantly use of God's so that was at first like I was like Oh, but maybe there's a point there.

You know and in you in and you want to look at criticism constructive criticism now that doesn't give you Permission to email me all kinds of stuff right? Why aren't you wearing a suit and tie? Why are you talking for an hour?

Why are you you know just be nice give me give me a break here for a while. It's we call it Time-release criticism just wait till it's a good service and come up and say things, but that's how it works sometimes.

But look at what if somebody loves you. I'm not talking about the person who constantly belittles and is constantly critiquing. But if somebody loves you enough to care cares about you. You should embrace that.

Recognizing a Church That Lacks Spiritual Life

Another reason to leave is if the church lacks spiritual life if a person says I dying spiritually. If the worship is dead. The preaching puts you to sleep. You just don't sense the Spirit of God there.

And you're hungry that I've had to I mean my wife when we first got married. We've left a few churches over this and we prayed of Lord. I don't know what's wrong, and we start blaming ourselves, right Lord.

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me Lord? I don't feel that hunger that passion. Little did I know he's Stirring that holy discontent to plant a church. I didn't know that but we were like I can't.

I'm just where's the spiritual life. Where's the the the just the fervor and the excitement and the passion. I mean my goodness right. We're talking about important. This can take time right. It's not a clean process.

We're talking about we're talking about Important things. We're talking about important things here. And you guys are looking for opportunities now. I Should never thrown that out there. But the church lacks spiritual life.

And I want to be careful on this point too because I know actually a few of you. We've talked about this before it. We kind of it's it's ironic when people say well. I'm just not being fed. Now a lot of times you got to feed yourself.

You got to look within are you not being fed because you're not convicted you're not in the words. You're not in the worship. You're not in the prayer team or prayer area and people I'm just not being fed, but they don't want to get plugged into anybody anywhere.

They well. I'm just not being fed. I can't meet people right because you come in after the service starts. And you leave before it ends, and you're just you're never so there has to be an effort there to be fed you have to pick up the fork and put it in the mouth to and and and be fed, but I Often see the other side of that where I was dying spiritually my wife was we didn't want to go to church because it was just an hour of Reading and here's what in the worship teams is you know just kind of getting like where's that life?

Where's the passion? That's what I want, and we were not being fed spiritually we were dying spiritually. I could get more on watching the internet and putting on Hillsong and Worshiping and and so that that can be valid from time to time if if you want that you know people say well.

You're you know if a church steals people from other churches. You don't steal people the grass is never greener, but but wherever you you you you you Nourish that grass and you give that grass water it gets greener and sometimes people want to go to that green your green pasture.

Not the dying grass, so these are all areas. You just take back and you filter through your prayer life. Because if a church is dying spiritually you're not being fed. You're not growing. I think there is biblical reasons to look elsewhere if God is leading you in that direction because it should be a.

We should go and we should grow the church is Very controlling have you heard that before the church is very controlling fortunately. I have not heard that about this church much at all over the years.

Distinguishing Biblical Guidance from Unhealthy Control

But I want to explain this for a minute controlling. Now at the heart of the word. It's a good thing controlling means to direct the course of Events. So when they say the church is controlling sometimes.

I'm like well. What do you mean because we have to control? Certain things we have to control the flow of service we have to control the sin valve. You know don't just allow and that's when people are challenged often when they're challenged on their behavior.

They say you're controlling. You're very controlling. I'm leaving that's not controlling. That's confronting you're confusing the two and. So to a certain degree the church does have to control the structure that we are within.

But now when does it turn to being unhealthy? Here's when it turns into being unhealthy in relationships or the church if they if the church or people Manipulate you with God's Word. Have you ever been manipulated with God's Word?

I'm not talking about encouraged. Manipulated well, you know I mean I've had I've seen abusive husbands. Quote scriptures to their wives. You need to stay here and submit to me look at this look at this.

Sir back up a few verses. I can give you ten dealing with your anger and your attitude and the way you treat her see that's Manipulating and that's controlling in a wrong way and when churches what see here.

It says this and they have this arrogance about him. There's a difference with saying you know pointing and being arrogant and trying to control and saying listen I love you enough to show you what scripture say says it says don't Forsake your first love come back to that see it's not controlling you it's encouraging you to look to the word also.

Many times it's easy to see when a control when a person who's very controlling doesn't get their way. Then there's ten to ten temper tantrums and throwing fits. It looks fine on a four-year-old, but at 40 it's embarrassing.

Right my four-year-old little little little temper tantrums it doesn't get her away. But when a controlling person when when you begin to resist that and here comes the temper and here comes the other word Threats well this and that you're in a controlling environment.

Churches do this Controlling church they are never satisfied, and they don't appreciate what you're doing. They always put you down and they challenge even your motives. And they begin to impose their will on you, so it's a very unhealthy controlling environment.

But a church just to let you know right now the next time if you ever say well the church is Controlling well the church has to be controlling because without controlling certain things. What's the opposite of controlling is chaos?

So we control The the times of worship and the prayer times we can if I we see people that are caught in sin. And we go we want to just lovingly encourage them, and I hear it a lot. Well. You're just controlling.

All that really is is a deflection. See you just convicted me. I'm deflecting that conviction back on you now. I'm not responsible because you're controlling. So that was just a little extra. I decided to throw in and Those are reasons to leave a church scriptures watered down sin is never confronted the church is lacking spiritual life.

Granted God might want you to stay there and bring that spiritual life, but many times People need to leave because the church is already so ingrained in Spiritual death that they are dying spiritually so not a good reason.

They didn't choose me for something or the pastor said something I didn't like or somebody said something. I didn't like I didn't get my way somebody was rude to me. You see all these are focused on personal offenses.

That's why Jesus said turn the other cheek. He's dealing with personal offenses this hurt me personally and we're called to turn those things around. And turn the other cheek. Did you know that Jesus was offended?

Oh, here's a good reminder. Herod tried to kill him his family rejected him. Entire cities denounced him. John the Baptist questioned him. The Pharisees mocked him. The Sadducees Challenged him. The scribes accused him.

His people cried crucify him. Pilate sentenced him. Judas betrayed him. Peter denied him and his disciples forsook him and The world is still offending him today. That's why they say there's power in forgiveness.

Forgiveness and the Warning of Matthew 6

He would have forgiven all these groups. I just mentioned Had they turned to him? Here's a scripture to really ponder Matthew 6 15 but if you do not forgive men their sins your father Will not forgive you your sins.

Now there's two things we can do we can just gloss over that and skip ahead and every time I read that I Pause for a minute because if that's saying what it's saying. But if you do not forgive men their sins your father will not forgive your sins.

The challenge is this when we believe and We repent and God comes in changes our lives. He's we're forgiven. So if we hold on for to unforgiveness, how can he not? Forgive us when he already has forgiven us and our salvation isn't contingent upon Me forgiving others or any type of sin.

It's Contingent upon belief and repenting. So what's he talking about here? Well, I did some research for you. So you don't have to two schools of thought. The first school thought people theologians say this when we don't forgive our blessings are removed.

Something is being held against us by God. He's saying okay. You're not going to forgive. Blessings are withheld. You get the the things I have for you the the blessings or the abundance or the the relationship?

I want to have with you is going to be hindered and I'm holding that from you. I'm holding that from you because you're not forgiving others the second point of this or the second thought in theological circles, and it's probably The one that I would agree with now with that said I do agree with what I just told you I believe that if a Christian holds in Unforgiveness and they're just holding it in and they're they're not gonna let it go that it does hinder your walk with God without a question without I've seen I've never seen people worship God and tears coming down their face and getting from the Word of God not being a hurry.

Who are bitter and angry and critical and holding in unforgiveness? I've never seen that the people who are worshiping that way are worshiping because they're free. They've been set free. So it does hurt your walk, but I think the scripture is is pertaining to this da Carson Said this there is no forgiveness for the one who does not forgive.

How could it be otherwise his? Unforgiving spirit bears strong witness to the fact that he has never repented. Often we look at the fruit of a person so if somebody's professing to be a believer, but they're holding in Unforgiveness they're never forgiving anybody.

It's a mark of who they are you have to question their salvation. Are they really saved? Because a person who's really saved. I don't know about you, but it's hard to hold an unforgiveness. I mean I have to fight.

I have to say nope God. I'm not doing it this week. I am not doing it this week. I've had enough of them, and I'm and in a week day by day and week by week all right. It comes out forgive and move forward and forgive so it's hard to keep that in and the reason is if you look up Unforgiveness in the Greek language when it was used here.

It means God will not pardon or release you so those terms to me have to do with pardon and release in regard to salvation. Now many of you are probably thinking this. Well, let me give you the bottom line.

You don't want to find out what the scripture means. You don't want to find out the hard way it means that if you're holding in unforgiveness. And you're an unforgiving person does God really have your heart have you truly?

Repented of your sin because if I look back and say look at everything that God has forgiven me of and I'm gonna sit here. And hold the grudge. Are you kidding me? That's this is exactly the story of that man who was forgiven so much.

And he had a debt he could never pay the king forgave him and he went out and he caught this little servant. And was strangling him going give me that $20 you owe me give it to me kicked him while he was down and everything.

Give me that and the king found out and the king put him in prison. That's the same thing with us. What have God of all the sin that we've ever created. God said it's done. And it's the offenses are against him.

A Christian can't hold unforgiveness in their heart. And I know this get people get mad. But Shane you don't know what my father did to me or my uncle that you don't know and I don't know. And I'm not minimizing the pain.

But I am saying that you have to release that. For your own for your own spiritual health. Now here's where many of you are caught. Maybe there is a difference between a lifestyle and a struggle. I Believe that this person is a it's a lifestyle of unforgiveness.

Distinguishing a Struggle from a Lifestyle of Unforgiveness

He's not a forgiving person. It's a lifestyle therefore his hearts not been changed but many of you many that were here that here this later are struggling in this area and A struggle is different from a lifestyle because a struggle the person's struggle struggling amidst their struggling.

They usually say things like I know I need to forgive but I just can't. I Know I need to Shane. I know I need to let this go, but I can't and there's a struggle there. That's not a bad spot to be because God can work with that, but I would encourage you to let that go this morning.

There's a good book out there. It's called the bait of Satan John Bevere he said this many go from church to church or ministry to ministry they leave and they blame the leadership. They are blind to any of their own character flaws.

They do not realize that God wanted to refine and mature them the best way and this is what we don't like. The best way you grow spiritually is to go through the furnace of affliction. Oh. Do you hear that?

Not the flower bed of roses. The furnace of affliction. I mean, that's how I can stand up here before you today is God humbled and humbled and humbled and still humbles me offenses rude comments people gossiping about me about my family all these things and taking those offenses and saying I release and I forgive and God move us forward and from that comes spiritual strength.

Fortitude perseverance because you grow but if you always run. Here's what happens when you run and you don't deal with these things you become a little child spiritually. Grab out the binky and get out the hot milk.

Right. Come on. It's okay. It's okay. You've been hurt. What happened? They didn't ask you to help. Oh my goodness. They don't know what they have this little treasure in you rock and then and yeah. And we just never grow they never grow and that's why I'm just to have a passion for this because I see I Saw future elders and future deacons and future worship leaders and future five six seven years ago I saw there's a potentials right there, but they're still walking around with the binky in their mouth.

Seven years later ten years later they're still holding that in and You know right when you run into him you can tell the spirit of forgiveness is not in them the spirit of Antichrist is in those eyes.

Because they're holding these things in. When we have fellowship with God we should be right with man. That's the bottom line the enemy loves to divide the church and he will love to divide your family with offenses.

That's how he works. That's how he brings Division and brings in offenses and it's amazing how many times you'll hear something the way the person didn't mean it and The reason you hear it that way is because the enemy becomes ends and plants the seeds.

Did you hear what they said? Did you did really and they we that's not the heart of the person. That's why we've learned a long time ago. Not not perfected this area, but we will often go now. I'm a little confused.

I took it this way and I'm hearing what did you mean by that? And then once you oh no. And you talk it through instead of holding that little root of bitterness that becomes a big stubborn tree. And you've got to call a tree cutting company to cut it down by the time it gets to that level and it's not healthy.