An Altered Life — Pancho Jaurez

What's happening? I was born. I was born into a religion. Biologically socially traditionally. Family. I was born into a religion that I had no choice. You know what I'm talking about. And I grew up like that.

From Cultural Religion to Personal Faith

Thinking is because I was attached to a traditional biological cultural grandma religion. That I was okay in. In 1974 I had a beautiful girlfriend and through series of circumstances She left me. She said she fell in love with another man.

She said I wasn't good enough. As you know from East LA you don't talk to people like that. So I asked what high school did he go to? He had gone to parochial school and. And so Salesian and Cathedral and so she says oh no Pancho.

He's more than a man. Uh-huh got the hookup, huh?

He was doing he's like all in love with Jesus Christ. And she left me. And she just gone. As I said, all right, if you want to do that, you leave me you're gonna lose a good thing, but it wasn't to me.

The last time the next time I saw her three months later. She was so beautiful not not in physical, but it was the irradiance about her. There was an assurance. There was a face of innocence and I know she wasn't innocent.

You know what I'm talking about. But once again, she talked about Jesus Christ and about me repenting and I kept telling her listen I'm a Christian man. I was born a Christian. I Got baptized when I was around two months old I remember and I said you've seen my scapulary and I took out the little brown little thing and I said you look it.

They see this punch. You need to know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. I know him. I Talked to him on Christmas and Easter. I Talked to him when I go to a funeral or presentation or or a wedding, you know that.

You need to know him personally and we left it at that in 1974 right before Christmas. We met at Trinity Park in South LA and there we were to exchange gifts. She wasn't talking to me anymore. And so I was happy to see her and and I gave her a present right there.

And then we exchanged presents and I gave her a scotch, a scotch, a scotch, a fin, a fin. It's expensive stuff. And so I gave it I open it up open it up only because I want to take a shot right there and then.

So she opened it up open it up and she opened it up and she looked at it and she was so nice. So polite she goes ah vitamins, huh? So that's what I used to call being an alcoholic being a drunkard. That's what I needed.

And so she didn't want to open it, of course, and she said open yours. So I'm thinking maybe they're glasses. So I opened mine real fast. I opened it up and I'm excited, you know, and I'm taking a cigarette.

I'm smoking and open it up smoking and then I open it up and it was a Bible. And I began to profane her. I said, what are you doing, man? I took this Bible and I threw it across her face and I hit her.

To this day every time I think about that it makes me sick. Makes me sick and I said, you know again the cart man. I thought we're gonna have a nice time. You're trying to put your religion. I mean, you know, I told you I'm a Christian for crying out loud.

She I took her home. That was it. One day I had this desire to Go to church. I called her up. She took me to a concert. There's a rock concert. You know what? I'm talking about the real rock and. And then I said mad doggy during the service, you know talking about like some of you are right now still mad doggy.

I Want to go home man, but I someone gave you a ride so I have to wait till everything's over man. I Know that I sat there. Like when we read that I said this fool ain't gonna talk to me. You see I'm 23 years old just got out of the Marine Corps.

Did some good timing. I Fought for my country. I paid taxes. I still from the rich not from the poor. I'm alright. Did my communion? Didn't count because I faked it. But hey, I mean I'm there. But the Word of God came out so fluid so powerful.

Next thing I know I am running to receive Jesus Christ. You see that was 1975 and They take you to a little room. The surfer dude man long hair. Was the counselor. He was giving us New Testament. And he said dude like your sins are forgiven, dude.

Took my little Bible and I said, thanks man put in my pocket. Okay. Now what? Okay, I don't feel nothing. I don't know nothing. Nothing. What am I supposed to feel? Nothing. I felt nothing. So my girlfriend was outside when I'm my girlfriend.

She's you know, it's not she's only my friend. She's out there waiting outside with her girlfriends that I took, you know. And and so she whatever purpose was driving the car. That's why I had to stay behind.

And so once I get out there waiting for me and they're saying Oh brother punch brother punch. Oh and Mocking, I said hello sister. Hello sister nothing. Within a week of my conversion within a week. It took a week a week man.

I'm weak. All of a sudden this Sensation that I cannot explain to you in in words that I can articulate because I don't have that logic I don't have I don't know how to express to you. All I know man is that is that I did not want to smoke weed anymore.

I did not want to drink anymore I didn't want to do any of that stuff I can't explain it to you.

I can't explain it to you. You see people go to church and says well, you know what?

I gotta see it to believe it and I went there with. I believe it now. I'm seeing it. You gotta believe before you see. People in the world says well, you know what? I won't believe it till I see it and then I'm telling you before I came to Jesus I had to pay for my drugs, but the moment I became a Christian the following day.

Everything was free. Hey Holmes, you want something?

Where were you at last week? Hey, you want to hit a line? No, it's free man. Two lines.

Scripture, Transformation, and Learning to Pray

All of a sudden I had this desire to read my Bible now as a bicultural by social Individual see I cannot speak good Spanish or English. I mean, I'm all messed up. People get mad at me. You don't speak Spanish very good.

No, you don't speak English very good. No, I'm bicultural Bilingual and by messed up so I didn't know how to read. But but but I began to read you see the little booklet they gave me. And I said what's so different about this little booklet from the Bible that Millie gave to me.

Which I couldn't read for being no pun intended there. I couldn't read for being When she gave me the Bible, she says I want you to read the book of John. I Man I closed it, but this little booklet it was making sense to me.

But after I finished that booklet, I said wait a minute. It's more to this not because they gave me a little cheap book. They only give me the gospel of John. Just know they got mark. They got Luke. They got John.

They got Paul. They got off man I won. Where can I get one of those in the Bible? Hey, wait a minute. I have one under my bed, man. Still wrapped up with the Christmas present 19th from 1974. I opened it up and all of a sudden I begin to read.

And I begin to read something that really fascinated me being a cultural Christian. I read something about Jesus about praying. They really freaked me out man. It Freaked me out. You know, I mean I freak you out.

I've never read this before in My religion nor no one ever told me about the words of Jesus. So imagine I finish the book of John now, I'm saying you know what I want to begin from the beginning the book of Matthew.

I'm speaking the book of Matthew and I'm reading and then I get to the Sermon of the Mount. I don't even know what that meant. But I begin to read and the prayer. This is what Jesus said. He says but when you pray.

Do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. Because when I was in trouble when I was in trouble I Will always do what my cultural religion told me to do pray and pray repetitions repetitions. And then says Jesus are you calling me a pagan and a heathen.

It says for the pagans think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them. Well, your father knows the things you have need of before you ask him. You know, oh. Because you know.

Gotta be careful. Being a cultural biological Traditional grandma religion type begin to pray and When I got saved the first six months were beautiful. I mean we would go to concerts and not my girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend. She's still my Christian sister now. Not my girlfriend yet. Well, I tell you already. She's my wife. She's been my wife for the last 26 years now. We've been through Situations in life.

My first six months as a Christian. Oh brother. Kumbaya experiment. Going to church. It was just beautiful and I never thought I would hold hands with man. Never never. In my congregation that God has given us in East LA I have men kissing me in the cheek and I don't mind anymore.

And you think what kind of men are these these are knucklehead. These guys with tattoos. There they go. I love you, man. See I don't get nothing from them. I understand. It's a sense of appreciation. This is this kinship now.

It's a brotherhood. It's a fraternity that only God can make and we're friends and we're buddies but after six months five or four six. You know, we go to the big D's in life. What are the big D's in life these these?

Debt disability disturbances down-and-out. Depravity disillusionment divorce despair. Degeneration damnation disaster disorders difficulties this enchantment desperation disgusted and disgruntled and for us sometimes we become dogs on drugs duties and disintegration and disarray.

That happens to us. Sometimes it's not Satan's all his doing. We live in life. What does Satan have to do with me going bald? It's the genetical factor. I Don't want to go bald, but this is the reality man.

No plugs drugs or drugs for me. This is who I am. Now. This is not Satan's fault. He's not one orchestrating it, but he could take advantage of me. Look at you bald headed you going to midlife crisis.

You're not the same anymore. What kind of former marine? Are you look at you size waist 38 for crying out loud? He can get to me. He can get to me you see. My wife and I as Christians. I've been a Christian now 27 years my wife 28 years.

Strength in Adversity and the Call to Stand Firm

In those 28 years and 27 years of Christianity. It has not been easy. Do you understand that? Christianity is not easy. Dead fish go down the stream living fish go up the stream and it takes courage it takes commitment.

Solomon said this Solomon said in Proverbs 24 10 if you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small. Now what kind of strength is he speaking about? Obviously, he's not speaking. The kind of muscular mass the bar boy has that's not the kind of muscular mass.

He's not speaking about about growth muscles. He's speaking about moral strength.

You see in chapter 6 of Ephesians Paul says finally my brethren be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. So we see in the context that this is a satanic attack. These when Satan attacks you it's a supernatural warfare.

You don't see him at least when someone slaps you and you go. Hey, what's up? And after you've given your left cheek and then you go at it, you know what I mean? But if you feel slapped by someone you don't see.

Like hey, what who hit me? Who said that? She's fine. Where did that come from? He is a supernatural warfare. So in order for us to fight Satan. First of all, we don't fight him. Sometimes I see Christian television.

And I hear sometimes in the hoorah in the emotionalism without the word. They say let's go back to the neighborhood and this go and kick Satan's butt. You go. I don't want to go. I don't want to mess with him.

He's stronger than you and I he's a schemer. He's a liar. He's a conniver. He has centuries with the Experience behind you. How old are you. 40 50 60? Let's compare that guy's been there from the book of Genesis.

He's a schemer. So we have to we have to. God is not asking us to fight him. What he's asking us to do to stand. Stop, he's not asking us to go fight him. I don't want to fight. You see there's going to be a dark day of adversity on every soul man as a Christian.

It may be today and maybe tomorrow but it's gonna come a time like it has for me in my family. There was a year ago. You see I go to the hospitals. I go to ICUs and I have actually allowed people not allow it.

But I've been at ICUs when literally I closed people's eyes when they graduate. Did I say graduate? I sure did. They didn't die. There were Christians that were saying bring on the worship team and we've gone to ICUs.

And we take the guitars to ICUs because they're dying and we usher you into heaven. What a beautiful sight it is. Beautiful. I can do all that but then that Eliphas told Job You do all these things for God.

And you speak on behalf of God. He says but now that what you fear is now upon you now I'm in the ICU and I'm with my wife and when they tell you sir, you got to go to the serenity room. I know what that is.

Sir, you need to go to the meditation room. I know what that means. And there we were told that my wife had brain cancer our family got together. The first thing you feel when you're going through changes like that such a horrible despicable feeling the first thing you want to ask Where were you at God?

Comfort in Suffering and the Peace of God

Oh, where are you? You feel lost and desolate. You feel like why God? We're with you. And you hear this. Well, I'm still with you. I've never left you. I've never gone from you and Then what a comfort it is.

When I begin to see that Paul says in Philippians don't worry about anything. Say about everything with publication Thanksgiving and the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your mind in your heart.

I do know that. But you know the best kind of worship. I've had the best kind of worship. I've had is when I basically Don't say a word. I Just go before my God. You see human behavioral scientists is that when when something comes against us we do three things we either right.

We fight or we flight. Jesus is not asking us for us to flight or fight or fright. He says I want you to stand stand in the truth stand. Joshua be courageous be not afraid be not dismayed. The word dismay needs to falter.

Needs to teeter. It needs to basically faint. We are told in Roberts 25 26 that a righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring in a polluted well I've told you I don't know what falters means.

Falters, so I look it up. Falters to walk unsteadily to stumble to give away to totter to stammer to hesitate. I'm thinking you know what I understand that but not that much falter and then I went to Home Depot to get me a water sprinkler.

And he goes do you want an oscillator or a vacillator? I said no it's for the water man. I Don't want no medication. He says no you see you can either have a oscillator. Or you can have a vacillator. That's it.

Wait a minute. That's what falters mean. Someone who vacillates and I got it is someone a righteous man who vacillates before the wicked is like a murky spring in a Polluted well, I'm a Christian you got problems.

Oh not. Praise the Lord. No no no no going good all praise God. Oh, I'm sick. Oh, God doesn't love me. Someone who falters. Compromising. I call that the granola bar syndrome. What does that mean when you go through situations before the heathen you either become a nut a Flake or fruit but did not hold you to falter.

Joshua, and here's the secret Joshua. Do not be afraid. Do not be dismayed. Be strong and be courageous, and then he says this or I am with you. I Will never leave you nor forsake you and that's what you hear when you go to situations that gives you the peace.

That passes all understanding. You cannot explain it you cannot describe it. But you feel the sensation because you see in Romans chapter 8 you see it read it for yourself. The Bible says that when then when we do not know how to express How to pray for the Bible says that we've grown in a spirit and the Holy Spirit comes upon us and it begins to search.

What's in our hearts the things we can articulate because I couldn't what do you mean? My wife has cancer. What do you mean of the brain? No? No no wait wait? We were serving tea and my children are watching dad my neighbors are watching me our Congregation is watching me here.

We go. Are you gonna? Vacillate what are you gonna? Do and all I can do is go to my room go in my car, and I would just cry. I'm not ashamed to tell you that I am not ashamed. I Cry. And I'm not ashamed and yes, I'm from East LA and yes, I cried, but I tried to God.

Faith When Human Help Fails

I said not. I said You can't. Hookup can't help you. Credentials cannot help you. The best doctors cannot help you. When he told us listen, just do what's ethical. The pair of funeral the pair for your wife.

Can you do? What happens to many people they feel sorry for themselves, and then they're feeling sorry changes and morphs into Cynicism and they become cynical and they walk away from God. One guy was so angry at God.

And he says I want to talk to you pastor. I'm so angry because God to my grandma. He took her he calling a lot of to die and I'm thinking jeez all of your grandma. She was 94. I Said dude let her go man.

She needs a new body man. Why would you be angry with God? Don't be angry with God. God promised in this world he straight up. He's on the level man. He says in this world You will suffer what? Tribulation but be a what a good cheer you cannot be a good cheer.

Because man, I tell you man when my girlfriend left me. You want to see she was one the religious thing so I went with a hookup some other girl. This girl was always talking about an ex-boyfriend. Give me this give me that.

Oh Jimmy used to do that. Oh Jimmy used to be like that. Yeah, Jimmy, you know what I didn't Michael. You know what you go back to Jimmy in the same way when you worship God in your Adoration when you keep adoring God.

You know in Satan He hears you adoring and praising God doesn't like it. Doesn't like it. He goes look at you. You gotta do an accident. You see it was God. And you in response see I talk back in my car, it's okay in California because they think you're on a cell phone now.

It's okay now I talk in my car and I said listen. He said look at you. You're nothing but a sinner. Yes, I am but said by grace look at you. You don't deserve heaven. No, I know Jesus died for me and pretty soon I'm having a dialogue and Most of the time he wins.

I hope you win. God bless you.