Do I really believe in this thing? I wish, I wish before God I could convince myself that there was no hell, so I could escape from this torment, but in the end, just like you who say, we are the people of the world, I said, I am a preacher, a follower of the word, Romans 1, 2 and 3 convinced me there is no other way, only Jesus and that began to alter my thinking and I said, Lord, please, I can't believe I did this, don't misunderstand, don't write me off, I am not against your boat, your nice house or your Rolls Royce or whatever else, because that is none of my business, but for me to have something else and I realized that I am a follower of Christ, I must obey Him, I must commit my life to Him, it is the grace of God, it is the grace of God that He allowed me to come before Him and I prayed a simple prayer and I said, Lord, take eternity and stamp on my eyes, I no more want to separate my life from ministry, ministry is my very life and I began to weep, my heart began to break and I said to my wife, Gisela, I just want to keep couple of ties and couple of jackets and couple of shoes and sell all the rest, give it away and I looked at my seven expensive leather bound Bibles on my shelf and I remember as of today, I was right there on the carpet, tears running down saying, Jesus, forgive me for doing this, when I was in China some time ago, met Chinese brothers who said to me, thousands and thousands of congregations all over mainland China and they said to me, Brother KP, we are lucky if you have two Bibles to the name of each congregation, some congregations have just one Bible, one thousand people in the congregation, I said, what do you know, they said, we tear 10, 15, 20 pages and distribute to people to copy and come back and give it back, we hear shortwave radio and copy the Bible and I said, Lord, when half of the world have never seen one page of the Bible, what right do I have to live like this and for me, it was no more just a job to do, a thing to say or explain but it was life and everything was changing and we made it a point, my wife and I, that when our children are born, we want them to serve the Lord and from the day they were born, we start praying, Lord, save them as soon as they can say Jesus and then call them to be missionaries and every night because my life being completely, I mean, moving around all the time, you know, traveling and speaking and my wife, a very godly woman and every night we would pray and sometimes, a few times when I was given the privilege to pray before my kids go to bed, my son don't remember this, as a tiny little boy, laying in his bed, I would come and kneel beside him, he's so deep in sleep and my head hovering over him, I said, Jesus, all I want is to call this life to serve you, if need be, take him somewhere, if he dies for you as a martyr, I will have no complaint, take him, Jesus.