TPW 90 Millennials and Marriage

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Welcome to the Protestant Witness. This is Pastor Patrick Hines here at Bridwell Heights Presbyterian Church, and today
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I'm going to post a sermon I did on marriage this past Sunday night and I Know it's an important topic
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It's an area that the church is not doing all that well in and it's a topic
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I preach on frequently and I've come to the section of the Westminster Confession of Faith that has that is about marriage of marriage and divorce and so I wanted to Speak to the issue of marriage and Millennials and that's kind of what this particular message
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Emphasizes and just the importance of marriage God's design for marriage, and I'm right now writing another sermon on marriage on Ephesians chapter 5 and I'm gonna really pull my heart out on this one
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So probably I'll probably end up preaching on this Or posting it to the
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Protestant Witness. I obviously I am gonna preach on it Sunday night But I'll probably post it on the Protestant Witness next week too because I just think it's one of the most practical things that we need
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To be addressing is marriage and the the great blessing of marriage. I've been blessed.
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You know, I I married up I married a woman who's a lot better than me and she's helped bring me up to her level in terms of her godliness and her meekness and the fruit of the spirit that I've seen in her her whole life and she's the mother of my ten children and She's Wonder Woman, she just does everything she's unreal just amazing person
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So I love that woman so much and I thank God for every single day that he shares her with me and every day that God gives me with her as a gift and as something that I cherish and just being able to see her smiling face and Just having having her love in my life has made the trials of this world bearable
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Just knowing that she's there and that she loves me. So Marriage is really important and it's something that men especially have to do better at and we need to do better at listening to our wives pursuing them and doing
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Absolutely, everything we can think of to make them feel as loved as the church feels by Jesus So I hope that you'll find this message to be an encouragement to you
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And the one I'll probably post next week on the same topic to be encouraging as well everyone
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Thank you all for coming back. Please take your Bible and turn to Genesis chapter 2 Genesis 2 very familiar passage, but it never gets old
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Genesis 2 18 through the end of chapter 2 God's charter passage for marriage going into the section of our confession of marriage and divorce
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In Genesis 2 18 through 25, this is God's Word And the
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Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him out of the ground of the
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Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky and Brought them to the man to see what he would call them and whatever the man called a living creature
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That was its name The man gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the sky and every beast of the field
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But for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept
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Then he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man and brought her to the man
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The man said this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man
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For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh and The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
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May God bless the reading of his word. Let's pray, please Father we thank you for the opportunity to gather here again this evening and Lord We want to be godly
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We want to be biblical and faithful to you in the way we understand and think about marriage those who will one day be married
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Those who are married Help us Lord to remember. This is one of our primary callings this side of eternity is to be married if we are married and to to love our spouse as as husbands to love our wives as Christ has loved the church and For wives to respect and to submit to and to love their husbands to build them up and encourage them
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And Lord, we all need to do better in these ways and we want our marriages to picture The gospel to the world and to be glorifying to your name
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So Lord help us always to be tender -hearted towards our spouses To have a soft place in our souls for one another
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And to remember the precious promises that those of us who are married made That's one another on the day
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We got married and we pray that you would help us to glorify you and to to run a good race in this all -important area
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This area where the church has suffered greatly just in the last few decades and we want to Stand in the gap and be godly be self -sacrificial and be faithful and dutiful and obedient to you
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So that Jesus Christ's name is glorified by our marriages and we pray you would bless us now to that end in his name
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Amen, you'll take your red trinity him on turn to page 862 862 there in the back in the
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Westminster confession 862 entering into the chapter of marriage and divorce of right right at the very bottom of page 862 there on the left and I'm going to read just the first two points and that's what we're going to try to cover here this evening
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Marriage is to be between one man and one woman Neither is it lawful for any man to have more than one wife nor for any woman to have more than one husband at the same time
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Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife for the increase of mankind with legitimate issue and Of the church with a holy seed and for preventing of uncleanness
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I read an article in Time magazine recently called why 25 % of Millennials will never get married now what is a millennial a millennial is a person who will reach early adulthood in the 21st century so technically speaking.
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I am five years shy I'm five years too old to be a millennial But people who are teenagers people who are in their 20s right now or in their 30s right now fit into that category
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And that article said this quote the number of Americans who have always been single and will never marry is that a historic high
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Says a new Pew Research report partly because they don't have jobs and partly because marriage is becoming less highly regarded
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Most people think it's important for couples who intend to stay together to be married But the number of single
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Americans who want to get married has dropped significantly even in the last four years The report based on census data and Pew's surveys is the latest in a series of indicators that marriages stock is on a sharp downward trajectory
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Fewer young people are getting married and many are getting married later about 20 % of Americans older than 25
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Had always been single in 2012 up from 9 % in 1960 in the black community the numbers are even starker 36 % of black
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Americans older than 25 have never been married a four -fold increase from 50 years ago
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Why aren't people getting married anymore these days? The three main reasons that people give for their singleness are that they haven't found the right person.
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That's a third 30 % Aren't financially stable enough as 27 % and are not ready to settle down 22 %
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Many more young people are as chewing tying the knot at least for a while in favor of shacking up end quote
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Why is all this happening today? Because men and women in general are not self -governed anymore in the church
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Especially there needs to be a marriage preparation mindset and by that I don't mean that we should constantly be pressuring people to get married faster and younger
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Nor does it mean that we ought to constantly be trying to play matchmaker with people Nor do
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I mean that there are not single people in the church who simply have not been able yet to find godly spouses What I mean is this in a church like our own where God has blessed us with so many young people so many covenant children
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Parents need to be looking at their children in terms of future husbands and future wives
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When you look at all the young people around us when you look at all the babies and all the toddlers in this church all
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The youth and young adults in our midst, please be thinking and praying in these terms What is this young man going to be like as a husband?
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What is this young woman going to be like as a wife? The fact is statistically although the the percentages are going down and as I just read to you marriages on a downward trajectory the fact is
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Most people will still end up getting married at some point in their life 94 % of people eventually will end up getting married
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So it's very important that we create a marriage preparation Mindset in people if the parents of the young people in our church are not deliberate in Teaching young men and young women how to be husbands and wives.
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Please hear me They will learn it from someone else or from something else And the last thing we want are any of our young people to do is to learn any of that from the media from television
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Shows or from the internet The marriages that we model to our children have an incredible impact on the way that they see marriage the way they see their gender
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The way they see their roles and what they will be attracted to when the time comes
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One thing that amazed me when I was 19 years old and my older sister got married is how much?
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My brother -in -law reminded me of my dad It was unbelievable how much that guy reminded me of my dad and I remember thinking wow
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She really although they knocked heads constantly she really was drawn to someone just like my dad which shocked and amazed me
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When I met Amy's grandfather I was amazed at how much alike he and I were how easily we could talk about almost anything history politics
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And how much our personalities were alike that man had been the most important male figure in Amy's life up to the day that I met her
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This evening I want to give you some biblical insights into the importance of marriage the need for marriage
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Why marriage is such a key component to most people's overall well -being and why it is important to instill in young people the?
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seriousness and importance of marriage in a day and age in which this blessed institution has been made into a laughingstock the church must lift high the banner to the watching world and show the world by Example that marriage is a blessing and it's something we ought to encourage
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People to prepare themselves for and should encourage our young people to desire Marriage and family is under assault from every quarter in our society
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Remember, please pray for your own marriage if you're married Pray for the marriages of other people that you know and for the future marriages and families of our church's young and single people
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I've seen so many single people over the past 15 20 years of my life who have appeared to be almost
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Ashamed that they want to get married our culture does that to them It makes them feel bad for wanting to get married women that want to get married and have children
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They're looked at as as anti something and yet. That's that's a good thing those are good desires
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Why do people feel often ashamed of wanting to get married and have families and and be be a wife be a mother?
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Why do do men feel ashamed of wanting to settle down with a woman and have children and and work and provide?
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It's not because of the Bible It's because of our culture's emphasis on being independent
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Remember what the scriptures tells us about that? The man is not independent of the woman nor is the woman independent of the man
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If you ever hear people say I'm raising my kids to be independent That's the opposite of what the Bible teaches We are to be dependent on one another in our marriages.
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I am dependent on my wife. My wife is dependent on me The media's detestation of marriage and family that has a huge impact on the way people see it
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Feminism is in the air that we breathe detestation of male headship in the home detestation of female submission hatred of gender roles
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The idea that men are holding women back from their true potential etc It's just part of the world our young people live in today
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It shouldn't surprise us that we ourselves are whether we like it or not We are the children of our age.
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We swim in this stuff all the time It does influence the way that we think but we must fight those anti -biblical and anti -flourishing
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Ideas with the rock bed of truth in God's Word turn away from death culture and hear
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God's Word Let's encourage our young people to be self -governed people who love what
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God loves Let us be formed by the priorities of Scripture and not the priorities of our godless culture
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Now in that passage if you still got it open there Genesis 2 18 Genesis 2 18 is just one of those glorious verses and the
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Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helper Comparable to him.
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It is quite remarkable. How little most men know about marriage Although all of the answers are right there in Genesis 2 and in several other very short
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Wonderful passages of Scripture so many men seem to have little or no idea What marriage is about its design or its purpose as defined by its creator
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God? If men are not getting their ideas about marriage from Scripture, where are they getting them from?
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Sources that will mock destroy and ruin their marriages since the vast majority of men and women will one day be married
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Preparation for this all -important relationship in this life and in this world must be a preoccupation for us both before and during our married lives
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While there always have been and always will be individuals who have a special gift of remaining single
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Most people still will end up married at some point and because that relationship it has
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Massive implications for generations of people to come it is extremely important that we think about marriage a lot
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And that we understand exactly what our duties are as men and women and marriage and that we execute the duties of those
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Ministries to one another with great zeal in our hearts Paul does say in 1st Corinthians 7 7 for I wish that all men were even as I myself
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But each one has his own gift from God one in this manner and another in that But I say to the unmarried and to the widows it is good for them if they remain even as I am
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But if they cannot exercise self -control let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion
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Some people will happily remain single and that special ability is God's gift to them
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But most people will end up married marriage is the normal estate for human beings according to Scripture here in Genesis chapter 2
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There is a sense in which men are almost purposely it seems designed incomplete
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Genesis 2 18 is the first and only time God pronounces anything that he created to be not good
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It was not Adam or anything else in creation that was not good. It was simply Adams Aloneness that God said was not good.
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This is one of the first points men need to grab hold of here There's a sense in which men are designed purposely by God to need a helper to need a partner
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Rick Phillips in his book on masculinity said this quote God looked on Adam in the garden saw him alone and said this is not
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Good and God says the same thing about single adult men today He looks into their apartments and refrigerators and sighs not good
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More importantly God looks into our hearts and our character and says I have made man to be in Partnership with a woman.
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It does not work very well when man remains unmarried My point is not to rebuke adult men who are unmarried
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But simply to point out the truth of God's Word when it comes to physical emotional spiritual and sexual well -being
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Of a man it is not good for him to be alone and quote Parents with young unmarried sons young men single men as a general rule.
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God is saying to us It's not good for us to be alone Look at the young single men here and remember what
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God says unless there's a special calling to godly single life It's not good for men to be alone
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My father told me repeatedly when I was a teenager quote that he said this to me over and over again quote
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Women have been civilizing men since the beginning of time son That's why
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I've prayed every day for your future wife since I came to Christ when you were about two years old so that's me Constantly and I had no idea what he was talking about.
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So I've been married for a couple years Congregation, I would strongly encourage you to pray for the future spouses of all our covenant children that decision is gonna have massive ramifications for the future of the church in this country
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It is and to pray for all of the present marriages in our midst right now for those of us who are married
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We always need to work on our marriage. We always need need to do more to love our spouse better That's why that study of the complete husband there.
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There's no such thing as the complete husband It's always a target that we're aiming at to become the complete husband
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Few things speak the reality of Jesus Christ to our surrounding culture and nation more than a loving sweet affectionate mutually respectful trusting marriage
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Relationship that is one of the most powerful witnesses to the fact that Jesus Christ is real
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To the world today is if our marriages show that to people that there's a a sweetness a tenderness and affection a love and a
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Devotion to one another in our marriages and that takes hard work that takes Self -sacrifice that takes making a priority out of your relationship with your spouse more than all of your other pursuits in life
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Proverbs 18 22 he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the
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Lord Proverbs 31 10 who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies
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Yeah, it can be hard to find to find a godly wife Or a godly husband notice the emphasis however on finding a wife
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Men need to be taught the biblical truths regarding why they need a wife and how to find one and what to look for Look at Genesis 2 19 and 20 out of the ground the
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Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air And brought them to Adam to see what he would call them and whatever
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Adam called each living creature. That was its name So Adam gave names to all cattle to the birds of the air and to every beast of the field
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But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him This is really an expression of the lordship of man over the animals here man is not an animal
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We are superior to the animals and we have dominion over the animals Adam by his own creativity and his mental genius
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He came up with names for all of the kinds of animals pretty amazing day and verse 20 ends with a very interesting sentence
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But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him I remember reading one of the commentators when
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I was doing the Genesis sermons long ago Who said it probably was somewhat interesting for Adam because the animals have been created in pairs already
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There were male and female counterparts of all those animals and so they were probably brought in pairs and Adam saw all these pairs of Animals and could see why am
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I all by myself God was getting him ready making him anticipate You're gonna eventually have your own your own partner here and here we have an important truth built into the passage
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Which is setting up what follows men were in a sense as I've said designed Incomplete and while many men succumb to the temptation to live in isolation from people more or less like a hermit
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We were not created by God to do this. Y 'all are familiar with the man cave Concept right?
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Come on. How many of you have man caves? You're all liars Good a man needs a wife.
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He needs the special companionship that only a wife can provide to him He needs the help that only a wife can give him and here's a very important need that needs to be emphasized to men
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As much as work might satisfy us as much as our brothers and the
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Lord might be a blessing to us Men do not and cannot become complete through work or friends a
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Dog or a pet can be good company, but not our true companion the only way men can become complete in the sense of Genesis 2 18s remedy for the not good estate of being alone is a committed loving
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Relationship with a woman who is just like him in being created in God's image and likeness and yet is also comparable a wife is with a
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Wife is with no comparison the best companion a man can have There's a beautiful word used here in Genesis 2 18 that we need to see the word is a there the term means helper
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As much as the companionship and friendship of a wife is a special blessing to which nothing in the world can really be compared
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The thing that she is helping her husband do was actually laid out earlier in Genesis Genesis 1 28
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Then God blessed them and God said to them this is to the man and his wife be fruitful and multiply
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Fill the earth and subdue it have dominion over the fish of the sea over the birds of the air and over every living thing
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That moves on the earth Now this assumes a couple doing this together being fruitful and multiplying filling the earth and subduing
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It is a family task The covenantal bond of marriage and the building up of a family is the context for subduing and having dominion over the earth
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Remember what we also learned in Genesis 2 Genesis 2 15 Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the
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Garden of Eden to tend and keep it Tending and keeping the garden is something that men are called to do and they need help doing it the household economy the whole concept that the household is the basic unit of Economics has been lost in our day
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We are so fractured and broken up as families now the Industrial Revolution Pulled men away from their homes in a way that's unprecedented in human history
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The results of this have been very negative In fact, one of the it was John G Patton who said the
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Industrial Revolution and he said this in like the 1850s or 60s He said the Industrial Revolution is going to result in the death of Western civilization because fathers don't spend any time with their families anymore
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You know what in a lot of ways he was right about that Throughout most of history the basic economic unit of society was the whole family not the individual
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That's why throughout the Old Testament. What do you see people constantly doing crying out to God and begging God for what?
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babies kids They wanted kids they wanted as many as possible. And now today we look at what used to be a blessing as a curse
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We don't want any Everyone understood their part and did it in these great household economies
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Everyone had work to do and they did it if you had children if you have children They need to have chores that they do in your house
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They need to have work that they do work is what we're all called to do. That's part of tending and keeping the garden but it all starts with a man being prepared for marriage and Finding a godly wife a man needs to have a sense of purpose a sense of mission and life
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I I have something I want to do with my life a certain vocation or calling I need help doing that Rick Phillips said this quote a wife is called to help her husband in this grand glorious task in a myriad of ways by enjoying
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Fellowship and relational fulfillment as his companion by enjoying sexual pleasure and bearing children as his mate and on and on But it all comes under the heading of helping which is essentially about the working and keeping of God's creation and quote
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So now I want to talk to you about a man's search for a godly wife Many godly Christian men have been frustrated by the fact that they can't find godly women who understand
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God's design for marriage anymore Many women can't find godly men either who understand
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God's design for marriage And this is why we in our church need to talk about this some somewhat sensitive and touchy subject
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When I was 20 years old, I told my father I remember on the phone dad.
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You got the last godly woman on earth There's none left Less than two years later.
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I was married the two and a half years after that had a baby So don't allow despondency or discouragement to cause you to give up don't ever get discouraged
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God Although we live in strange time. God is still on his throne. He's sovereign You just trust him give your cares to him you entrust your future into his hand.
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Let him take care of all the details There's everything good about wanting to get married. Never be ashamed of that desire.
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It's a good thing There is everything good about you if you're not married praying for a godly spouse for yourself
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Don't ever be ashamed of doing that Don't ever let our culture and it's total disregard for everything that God loves
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Caused you to feel ashamed of wanting to get married wanting wanting to have a family wanting to have a mission like that in life
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It's a great thing. It's what God hardwired into us As I said earlier some people do have that gift of singleness
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Some people devote themselves singularly to serving God and man and their work and they don't have to deal with marriage
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Paul says, you know There's certain restrictions that you have when you're married. There's a lot of that takes up a lot of your time
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But being married is also a huge benefit It's a huge benefit, but it does limit what you can do with your time
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But if you have the normal desire for marriage, which most people do you should seek to get married and you should pray for marriage
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We as a church should encourage young people to get married and one of the ways we encourage them is by working on our own marriages
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What if all the marriages in our church aren't very good marriages? What if we don't have much affection or love or tenderness towards one another is that gonna really be a good sell to the younger?
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generation We need to have good marriages ourselves to encourage others to to want marriage
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Why is this attitude so important in our day? Because as our young men and women are out there in the world, they are going to be bombarded with the opposite message all the time
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Our young people are gonna be told just live together You know, you don't you don't buy a car unless you've test -driven it, right?
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I was told things like that before I got married. We've all heard this weird phenomenon of a bachelor party
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You'll have heard of bachelor parties, right? What does that represent the last opportunity for a man to act like a fool to flirt with other women his last day of freedom?
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Marriage is presented as a ball and chain. So now you can't hang out with the guys anymore and have fun anymore
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Now certainly hanging out with the guys and watching sports and hunting fishing and things like that I mean, yeah, that's certainly more interesting than changing diapers all day long, isn't it?
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But part of the issue of getting married is grow up Life's not about you and you doing everything you want all the time
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I never thought I would have to wash so much human fecal matter off my hands throughout my life
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I never had any ambition for such things whatsoever. And yet there hasn't been a day in fact
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I was thinking about that this morning There hasn't been a day in my memory that I haven't had to do that And I wasn't thinking about that when
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I was 18 19 20 years old or when I said I do to Amy I wasn't thinking that was gonna be something I did every day
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It is isn't it amazing that our culture's message on this point? However, once again is the precise opposite of God's creation word design
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Scripture says God says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord It's not good for man to be alone
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And our culture tells men avoid marriage as if it's some kind of a disease And I want to make a contrary statement in the face of that destructive and foolish sentiment for a
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Christian man who is marriage ready and able to provide who is ready and willing to Disciple pray for and love a wife and will embrace the blessing of children
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Finding and marrying a godly woman is the best thing you can do for your life It really is
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March 22nd 1997 It was the second greatest day of my life second to the day that Christ saved my soul
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Unmarried man if you desire marriage pray every day for your future wife. She's probably out there somewhere right now
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Pray for her walk with Christ pray for her protection for her growth and grace and not in the knowledge of our
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Lord Jesus Christ Let's face it while it may be true in our church here I think most young men in the conservative church culture today in our country have the world's and not the scriptures priorities on this matter
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Men do not value and pursue marriage The stock was brought home to me in the first four years that I was a pastor
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I Meeting with about half a dozen single young men who were working and they were out of their parents home and they were self -sustaining
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I just have to say they were emotionally unstable and seemed to be about as restless as they could be and It hit me these guys seriously need to get married
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And at the time I you know, you want to be sensitive? You don't want to push and promote such a thing to step on people's toes and it can cause problems
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You don't want to you know, stick your nose where it doesn't belong. Eventually. I stopped caring about that Generally speaking men need to be marriage minded.
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They need to get married younger as opposed to older I remember thinking this guy he's get married and have a couple kids that would really help him to grow as a
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Christian many godly young women today are frustrated because so many Christian young men are too busy playing video games doing hobbies or watching and playing sports to become zealous students of the
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Bible who could Lead a wife and children and walking with and loving Christ and their neighbor
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Rick Phillips wrote this quote this problem is played out in the frustration of Christian women in their 20s
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Whose God designed bodies scream babies and whose
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God designed Emotional makeup is geared for marriage but who find practically no
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Christian men in their peer group who are ready for or even Interested in marriage as a result of a mayor male culture that fears marriage men in their 20s and 30s slide into sexual sin
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Marriages after all God's provision for loss first Corinthians 7 9 we just read that and Cultivate antisocial behaviors that perpetuate emotional and social immaturity
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And I've seen that directly Phillips continues today when
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God looks on single males and says not good He undoubtedly has in mind a long list of truly unfit helpers
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Among them the pornography video games sports obsessions and empty pizza boxes that are intrinsic to so many young adult male lives even among Christians Our society tells young adult men to deprive themselves of God's provision for their physical
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Emotional and sexual needs so they can remain as immature and self -absorbed as possible for as long as possible
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You know what the Bible says about this. It is just not good end quote
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So I would encourage you Don't listen to what the world says about the glories of just being an independent man and being able to do whatever you want
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Whatever you want to do it. That's not good for us long term One of the things that made the Puritan such a unique group of people
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Who produce and mind out of Scripture so much gold was this you ready? They actually believed and practiced what
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God said was good They tended to marry very young and had
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Oodles of children and yet they still found time to write some of the greatest theological treatises on every biblical topic under the
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Sun It's amazing how much time actually exists if you don't have the internet They poured their lives into their marriages and their children and generations of godly people came into this world
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But how much more have we been influenced by our marriage detesting baby destroying evolution promoting feministic culture?
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Then we've been by the voice of God in Scripture The Puritans were life -affirming and world embracing people.
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They loved the arts Fashion literature and family. In fact, there's a book that I really need to finish reading
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It's called worldly saints the Puritans as they really were by Leland Ryken Who is a scholar of that topic that speaks about that very thing now?
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Why do I share this because when the death culture is rejected and the voice of God is heard again?
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You ready when death culture is rejected and we believe God's Word people are happy people flourish
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The earth is subdued work is a joy Marriage is a blessing society is spiritually and morally reformed and children are embraced and loved doesn't that sound good to you?
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Nearly everything you've been told about the Puritans is false In fact Leland Ryken said this quote the
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Puritans as we all know were sexually inhibited and repressive or were they? When a
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New England wife complained first to her pastor then to the whole congregation That her husband was neglecting their sex life.
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The church proceeded to excommunicate the man To the embarrassment of the theory of the sexually repressed
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Puritans are statements from supposedly respectable Puritan preachers Cotton Mather called his wife quote a most lovely creature and such a gift of heaven to me and mine that the sense thereof
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Dissolves me into tears of joy and quote William Secker's book a wedding ring pictured husband and wife as two instruments making music and two streams in one current
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Most impressive of all is the following description by Thomas Hooker the man whose heart is endeared to the woman
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He loves dreams of her in the night Hath her in his eye and apprehension when he awakes muses on her as he sits at the table
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Walks with her when he travels she lies in his bosom and his heart trusts in her which forces all to confess that the
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Stream of his affection like a mighty current runs with full tide and strength and quote
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That's good stuff. You should use some of that The companionship and love that is experienced in Christian marriage can only find its analog biblically in Jesus's love for the church
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Jesus delights in his bride. How much does Jesus love his church? How much does he dote on his church?
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It's the apple of his eye. He loves them all he thinks about them all day Men are to delight themselves in their wife when they find her
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They are to dote on her praise her love her cherish her Rejoice in her and do all that they can to make her feel as safe and as beautiful beautiful and as loved and as at home and safe as possible
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When I was in seminary, I remember looking at the syllabus for the class judges through poets that was being taught by dr
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John Currid and he actually assigned us to read an entire Commentary on the Song of Solomon and the title of that commentary was a song for lovers
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And here I was in seminary. I was all excited about you know Let's study theology and apologetics church history philosophy exegesis
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Greek and Hebrew and I've got to read a song for lovers The fact is that book is one of the best books
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I've ever read what it shows if you read through the Song of Solomon slowly carefully phrase by phrase what it shows is
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How the woman starts out in that marriage relationship very insecure and very unsure of herself
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But what does the husband do he showers her with compliments and love?
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He pours his heart out and every kind of poetic expression of love that he can think of and he says everything good he can possibly say to her and The more he does this the more expressive that she becomes in her verbal praises of her husband
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See man We are to be the initiators and the leaders and the love in our marriage Just as God initiated love with us just as Jesus initiated his love towards his church
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Your wife will respond to that marital love is a wonderful blessing intended for the married couple to enjoy
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But men you have to learn how to understand your wife. You ought to pray if you're not married Lord Help me to be a good student a good student of my wife to study her to figure her out to keep that eye -popping smile on her face that she had at The back of the church that day
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This is I believe one of the reasons the scriptures commanded that newlyweds have an entire
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Year with nothing else to do but to be together in Deuteronomy 24 verse 5 one of the most brilliant statements
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God ever made to us when a man has taken a new wife He shall not go out to war or be charged with any business.
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He shall be free at home one year and bring Happiness to his wife whom he has taken
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That's great advice. I wish we could do that If the man is to dwell and live with his wife with understanding
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He needs to study her in great detail in order to learn how to do what the Word of God says
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Well as we've been studying that book the complete husband by Lou Priolo Really the book is not as a one giant application using many other passages
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But of that great phrase in first Peter 3 7 husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding or according to knowledge
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Giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel The man must study his wife in order to learn how to bring her happiness
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That's one of the greatest measures of a man is his wife happy You can see how I am doing in my
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Christian walk by looking at my wife's countenance What a joy a happy marriage is when it's done
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Well, it's really an amazing thing to consider how blessed this institution can be how it can be such a tremendous source of security
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Enjoy and blessedness and happiness, but also a source of unending sorrow heartache and despondency
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Marital love is not easy Even the best marriages are hindered by difficulties marriage is not like hanging out with the guys
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Men are typically fairly easy to connect with and get along with as long as there's something manly to connect on But this is not the case with men as they relate to their wife
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Self -love self -centeredness comes very naturally to us, but the biblical divine love called agape the utterly selfless
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Self -sacrificial and self -giving love is what men are called to give their wife just as Jesus gave that to his church
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Ephesians 5 25 husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself in behalf of her
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That's the highest kind of love that there is to love as Christ loved the church Husbands with children your sons and your daughters have to see this in action
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This is a skill that they will catch from you more than they'll get it from you telling it to them
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They'll learn by watching you they will imitate your actions more than your words
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We can instruct young men on how to love their wives, but seeing it in action is even better Our marriages must be the models
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Which the youth and our congregation look to as an example a godly loving marriage and a well -managed home are qualifications for being an elder
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First Timothy 3 for one who rules his own house Well having his children in submission with all reverence for if a man does not know how to rule his own house
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How will he take care of God's Church and first Peter 5 2 and 3 shepherd the flock of God Which is among you serving as overseers not by compulsion, but willingly not for dishonest gain
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But eagerly not as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flocks
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So the elders are to be examples, especially in their homes their marriages Now Greek has a number of words that are rightly translated as love in English, but they carry more subtle meanings
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The term storge refers more to familial love love in the family Philos is more of a friendship or like kind of love men often mistakenly imply
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Philos when they say to their wife I love you and what they really mean when they say that is you make me feel good
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But the biblical injunction for husbands is agape When this correct and biblical term is used and a husband says
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I love you to their wife He does not mean he's thankful for what his wife gives him
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But that he is giving himself to her regardless He's giving himself to her regardless.
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I love you with the biblical Ephesians 525 agape Love means I give myself to you no matter what
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I get in response That is the highest kind of love Jesus spelled it out even more clear
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John 15 13 greater agape has no one than this than to lay down one's life for his friends and men
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That's what we're called to do for our wife lay our life down lay our desires down lay what we want to do down and Listen to her love her study her make her happy This is the love every young man is called to have for his wife.
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Listen to it again husbands Love your wives agape your wives just as Christ has agape to the church and gave himself for her
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Do you hear the gave himself in behalf of her? That's substitutionary character there man.
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The application is simple your life as a married man will be one of self giving self Sacrificial love if that is not how we love the wife that God gave us.
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We are not loving as Jesus taught and modeled Think with me. How did Jesus love the church? He laid aside
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Every prerogative that he had every right that he had Every bit of self -interest for her sake
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Jesus has the right to command all obedience worship praise and honor To him and to stay in the realms of heavenly glory with the
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Father and the Spirit enjoying unbroken fellowship He lays it all aside for the sake of the good of his church
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That's a pretty high standard, isn't it? I mean if that if that doesn't convict us as Husbands, I don't know what would we're supposed to have the same kind of mindset toward our wife and yet How often do we say hurtful things and are careless in the way that we treat that woman
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God gave us? We're to have the same agape self -giving no consideration of myself kind of love towards her that Jesus had in saving us
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It's an astounding thing to consider Obviously, no man can redeem his wife at the same level of self giving agape love is commanded
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It's amazing to see how that term is used throughout the rest of Scripture I have been crucified with Christ and is no longer
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I who live but Christ lives in me and the life which I now live In the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me
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Husbands, we are to love our wives and give ourselves for her That means whatever my agenda my pleasures my interests what
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I want to do that all is set aside for her Same verb gave
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Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her
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Substitutionary aspect there Now think about the newly born boys in our church the newly born little girls in our church
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And there's there seems to be I mean, there's an endless stream of them coming for the past eight years The toddler boys and diapers in this church the toddler girls and diapers in this church
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Think about the elementary age boys and in the church the young man in this church when you see those little boys running around and Playing with each other and you see that the kids run around look at them and try to imagine
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Are they how they gonna do how they gonna do as married men? How they gonna do is as married women is that little boy gonna understand that when he says
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I do and makes those promises He is promising to be like Jesus towards her that no matter what happens
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He is gonna love her and be faithful to her and devoted to her You know BB Warfield's one of my favorite
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Reformed theologians of all time and his the story of his life in his marriage is an amazing thing
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But when he got married His wife was struck by lightning on their honeymoon and lived the rest of their life their lives as an invalid and he took care
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Of her and was devoted there people said that's one of the reasons he had so much time to write He was always at home taking care of his
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Invalid wife and I've shared that with folks on a pre -marriage counseling. What if that happens? What if that happens?
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What is the purpose of marriage it's just the same purpose as everything else the glory of God What a testimony what a testimony to Christ's reality in that man's heart that he was singularly devoted to her
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She was unable to have children because of that and he was devoted to her for the rest of their days When you see those little kids running around in here be praying for them
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Be praying for them pray for their futures for their conversions for their wisdom and their marriages
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What's this little guy seeing at home will he be a good husband will he be a loving friend to his wife
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Will he delight in her will he study her and understand her and figure out how to keep the fire going in his marriage
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Will he by the power of God's grace word and spirit be able to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself
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On behalf of her will he have the presence of mind if he's been through a season of years where he's not done this well
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And his wife has withered some and his wife doesn't feel very loved to get on his face in front of her and repent
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I failed you in this way. Would you please forgive me? I want to be a better husband Will he be able to do that our little boys in this church are gonna have to do that just like we will
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That's God's design and purpose for marriage. It's humbling and it's sanctifying With a few exceptions men are purposely designed by God is incomplete.
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They need a wife to help them They need a wife to love to give themselves to and to lay down their life for Marriage is a perpetual exercise in self -denial humility and unselfishness
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Selfish people cannot do marriage Well, but when the gospel has really gripped a man's heart and he understands just how much
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Jesus loved him How much he himself has been forgiven of and redeemed and how
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Jesus did all this for him He'll start to see laying himself down for his wife is a great privilege
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It's a great way of expressing gratitude to God for the grace that he's been shown Will all these young single men and young single women in our midst be able to find godly spouses and will they love their spouses?
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The way the scriptures tell them to I believe by the grace of God. I will tell you I believe that they will God's Word will not return void and I know that we're teaching it to our kids
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None of us are perfect. None of us do anything perfect. None of us have modeled a perfect marriage either The parents
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I want to encourage you to model a godly marriage for your children Husbands show your sons the meaning of self -denial and purposeful love even when it's very hard to do
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You know William Gouge Shapiro's and wrote a bunch of books about marriage and if you ever get a chance to read any of those there are some of the most convicting things
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I've ever read to And Gouge dealt with with men. Yeah, my wife man She's the contentious woman in Proverbs and I'd rather dwell in the wilderness and she drives me crazy
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She nitpicks and nags at me and Gouge's answer is you shower her with all the more compliments You keep building her up.
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You just pour it on even thicker That's hard. That's a hard sell in our society and culture that tells us everything revolves around us and our happiness
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Just remember life's not about me and my comfort. It's not about us and our happiness. It's about the development of our
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Christian character So husband's dote on your wife no matter what Compliment her no matter what
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Render her the affection that she needs to be happy build her up delight in her love her with all you've got and then some
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Because that's the way Jesus loves you That little boy is going to lead a wife in a family one day
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Probably we need to teach them how to do that But remember that how men are to love their wives is more caught than it is taught
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The world will tell our sons that marriage is a curse avoid it Don't you don't want the ball and chain? But we who love life and love the truth must encourage them to think just the opposite and encourage young women to think just the opposite Genesis 2 18 the
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Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helper comparable to him and for this reason a man shall leave his father mother be joined
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To his wife and they become one flesh and there's a new covenantal unit there Proverbs 31 10 who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies
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Proverbs 18 22 he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the
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Lord So let's make sure that we always pray for that and that we model that for our young people. Let's pray Our God and Father we thank you for forgiving us for the ways that we fail you as married people
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And we pray for all those that one day will be married here in our midst that they would be godly spouses That they would truly seek your glory alone
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In their marriages and in their families and we pray Lord You'd help us to model godliness to our children and to the future generations
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Help us to do well in this great area of ministry in this great area of Dominion taking in this world
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We ask in Jesus name. Amen This is pastor
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Patrick Hines of brittle Heights Presbyterian Church Located at 108 brittle Heights Road in Kingsport, Tennessee, and you've been listening to the
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Protestant witness podcast Please feel free to join us for worship any Sunday morning at 11 a .m Sharp where we open the
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Word of God together sing his praises and rejoice in the gospel of our risen Lord You can find us on the web at www .brittlewellheightspca
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.org And may the Lord bless you and keep you the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you