The Leader and His Wife — Aaron Hurst

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The Biblical Foundation for Husbands and Wives

Greetings today in Jesus Precious name how we thank God for the firm foundation That has been laid for the saints of the Lord. I tremble today the topic that has been Given to me to share with you all the leader and His wife.

I've been married 25 years to one wife, and I don't have any intention of trading off God It's been very good to me. I desire today by God's grace and help that we could get a Clear biblical Look from God's point of view what our Places our Calling for all of us Who have a wife how many?

Today in this room Have a wife. Let me see your hands Amen. Thank you. Let's pray Father in heaven we come in Jesus Christ name Father we confess Lord that without you We can do nothing Father we ask in the name of Jesus that you would come Lord and meet with every husband here today Father we ask that you would come Lord and open up our eyes to behold the wondrous beautiful Things and purposes and plans that you have for us Father we pray that you would lay upon our hearts Lord The high and the holy and the awesome Place as a husband Father we pray that you would open up our eyes to see The plans that you have Lord for our husband and wife relationships for the glory of God For the defeat of Satan for the purpose of Godly homes and families and Godly children.

Oh Lord today. I confess I am Not able Lord but I look to you God and I ask you father that you would come Lord and Speak to our hearts Lord Lest it just be Some words and a few illustrations and we go home unchanged.

Oh God Please Lord Have mercy upon us Lord and have mercy upon me father and Descend in the spirit of holiness upon every heart Lord. Oh Father We pray father in Jesus name for the conviction of the Holy Ghost Lord for conviction of sin father and We pray for the Holy Ghost illumination of righteousness how that we may righteously live and behave ourselves with our wife and Father for righteous judgment Lord.

Oh God, please come and teach us Lord. We sit at your feet Lord we open up our hearts in Jesus name we pray Amen, we want to begin in the beginning. The Bible tells us that in the beginning God created.

Creation, the Image of God, and the Gift of Marriage

In the beginning God created and it goes on to tell us all the different things that God Created and every time after God created he said it was good. God saw that it was good and God created and he saw that it was good and so goes the Account of the creation of God.

It was good. It was good. And finally God said let us make man after our image and after our likeness so God created man in his image and in the likeness of God created he him and male and female created he them and God looked upon all the things that he had created and he said behold it is very good.

The Bible tells us how God created man. He formed him out of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living soul. And God saw everything that he had made and behold it was very good.

Then we turn to Genesis 2 and we have the first Indication that something is not Very good and that is when God Says as he looked upon man and he saw the man alone there in the garden where he had Created with all of the animals and all of the all of the Monsters in the sea and everything that God had created and the Lord God said it is not good.

It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make and help meet for him. God said it is not good that the man should be alone. The Lord God said it is not good. He is not sufficient in himself.

He is not Satisfactory in himself that the man should be alone. I will make and help her Suitable for him. I will make and help meet for him, which means suitable or adapted to him that will complement him.

God created a helper suitable for Adam. When it came time when it came time for God to make a helper suitable for Adam. He did it in a different way. He didn't go and scoop up some dust like he did to make Adam now.

He causes Adam to fall asleep and he puts Adam into a deep sleep and he takes one of his ribs and he closes up the flesh thereof instead and the Rib from which the Lord God had taken out of Adam from that made he a woman.

He took of Adam's flesh. He took of Adam's bones and from that he formed and fashioned Woman and brought her to man and Adam said these famous words This is now bones of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. I Want to by the grace of God? Try to convince you today What a beautiful Perfect gift that God has given to each one of us to have a wife. God created a helper Suitable for us.

It's like when we got married God gave unto us a beautiful beautiful gift. Most of us when we got our wife we got our wife as a very beautiful perfect gift from God. God gave us a beautiful gift. He gave us a help suitable for us made in the out of our own flesh and in the image and likeness of God Himself just like he created man and God gave unto us this beautiful gift called a wife and today I want to convince you by the grace of God that none of us would take our wife for granted or that we would Treat her as a light thing and that we would not understand what God has designed in the Christian marriage.

God gave you your wife and when God gave you your wife. She was made Suitable for you. Do you believe that? God made her suitable for you. He made her and help meet that means suitable and sufficient in every way.

I Wonder sometimes if we believe that God gave you your wife a Beautiful gift. Most of us when we received our wife and we took our wife she came Complete in many many ways if she was raised in a godly home by godly parents.

She was raised in an atmosphere of purity and blessing and beauty and holiness and we received her that way. Now sometimes There are Distresses in life and sometimes when we take a wife or we take our wife there may be some flaws.

There may be some areas where she needs to be Beautified and that's just exactly why God brought her to you that you as her husband Can nurture her and can minister to her and make her beautiful in every way as God designed.

Jesus confirmed What was confirmed in the beginning. Jesus said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife. And they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.

Wherefore what God has joined together? Let not man put asunder. You know something wonderful happens when we enter into a covenant relationship with our wife. God takes two now. This is amazing. God takes two Individuals and God joins them together.

So that they are no more two. They are no more twain, but now they are one Joined together by God Almighty himself. Oh, isn't that lovely? Isn't that wonderful? God joins together a Husband and a wife and we begin a journey for life together until death do us part.

Never to be severed or put asunder by man. The Bible tells us what God has joined together. Let not man put asunder and therefore because of this great Institution of marriage by a holy God He says a man shall leave his father and his mother and he shall cleave unto his wife.

He shall cling to her. He shall abide fast with her. He shall pursue after her. He shall stick with her Beautiful he shall be joined together. Now we have many things we can look at today. And I feel like I would like to at least share Just a few things here.

A Wife as a Gift, Crown, and Blessing from God

If we look at this in the opening here part of this message here. God has given to you a wife the Bible tells us that he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and Obtain a favor of the Lord. Now my wife is in the same.

And I was still glad when I looked this up in the Bible dictionary thing was a word added by the translators. God never put it there. It was not in the original text glory. You know those nine nine nines in your concordance.

It says oh it was inserted by the translators. So rather we could say who so findeth a wife findeth good he findeth good and Good is now listen. Sometimes I know you say you guys are too mushy in how you describe your wife.

But not just listen this word good has the meaning right out of Strong's most beautiful. Who so findeth a wife findeth good most beautiful. What do you think. Adams response was that day when God brought Eve unto him most beautiful.

God himself bringing her down the altar to the marriage that day and Adam wondered what's happening and Here the Lord presents to him his wife. Adam says Flesh of my flesh he what happened while he was asleep.

There she was. Taken from his very own side from his very own flesh not foreign dust over here somewhere. But out of his very own flesh so that he should nurture and care for her and cherish her. Who so findeth a wife findeth good most beautiful pleasant precious Prosperity sweet.

He that findeth a wife findeth good he findeth most precious most pleasant most beautiful and sweet. I Hope that's your testimony today, and if it's not it's my desire to convince you by the Word of God that it can be.

You're not married to the wrong one. You are not married to the wrong one. When God brought you two together even if you were sinners and estranged from God. You're not married to the wrong one. A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.

A Worthy wife earnest and strong in character is a crown to her husband. Proverbs 31. Just let me convince you. You can find a virtuous woman. Her price is far above rubies now. I want you to just think about your wife.

The Heart of her husband does safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Now think about your wife and the value of your wife.

She seeketh woe and flex and she worketh willingly with her hands. Is that your wife. She worketh willingly with her hands. She seeketh out that which is good and right? She bringeth her food from afar.

She goes out there and she searches out where she can find the best bargains in the groceries. And she shops very carefully with your money that you have earned. She bringeth food from afar. She rises while it is yet night.

She rises up while it is yet night. She give us meat to her household. She considereth a field and bias it. She plan of the vineyard. She works in the garden. She plants the garden. She labors there. She girdeth her loins with strength.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good and her candle goeth not out by night. She lay other hands to the spindle in her hands to the disc staff. She stretches out her hand to the poor. She's not afraid of the snow.

Hallelujah. A little bit of snow. A little bit of coal. She's out there working just like always. She make her their selves coverings of tapestry and her clothing is silk and purple. I mean she's sewing.

She's making the garments. She is making the dresses. Her husband is no one in the gates. Now now stop. We are what we are men. A lot of us in this room because of our godly virtuous wife that we have.

Amen. You see it was not good for the man to be alone. He wasn't complete in himself. Now give me grace all you singles. I'm preaching to the married men today. There is a place for singlehood. Brother if you're married today, and you have a wife you need to understand the value that God has placed on your wife and The relationship between you and your wife.

This is very core to godliness and righteousness and holiness. Don't you just sweep this aside and say well, this is not that important very important. Her husband is no one in the gates. When he sit is among the elders.

She make us fine linen and sell it and deliver the girdles unto the merchants strength and honor. Are her clothing? She opened up her mouth with with with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Isn't that your wife in her tongue is the law of kindness? She looketh well to the ways of her household and she did not the bread of idleness. She's not lazy. Her children rise up and call her blessed.

Her husband also, and he praises her. When was the last time you praised your wife? When was the last time you just sat her down and Shared with her. How much she means to you. How precious a gift she is from God.

How she compliments your life. How she makes you complete. How she blesses your soul. He praises her. Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that fear of the Lord. She shall be praised. Open your Bibles with me to Ephesians.

Ephesians chapter 5. While you are turning there, I will say I was not here yesterday. I was downstairs with the minister. So I don't know what you heard yesterday. But if you get it again today just take it from God as God is trying to get your attention.

Christlike Love and Sacrificial Headship

Ephesians chapter 5. Now I know you'd like to start in verse 22, but we're not going to. There's a reason we're not going to start in verse 22. We men are pretty good at Seeing needs of others especially our wife.

Somebody read that to me from back there. What does it say. Can you read it. I want you to read the next line too. Can you can you read it please men if we're going to get the mileage what we need to get today.

You just can't read that last part so many times. We look at the Bible with our glasses on and What we should be getting. It's like this print down here that I can't read. It's just not sinking in. But the part that speaks to my wife.

That's jumping off the page in bold, and we pat ourselves on the back. We're holy men. We got it all together. Ephesians 5 33 says nevertheless let every one of you in so particular love his wife even as himself and the fine print.

That you can't read from back there. Let us begin. In verse 25 of Ephesians 5 husbands Love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and Gave himself for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he might present it to himself a glorious church.

Not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it Even as the Lord the church.

For we are members of his body and of his flesh and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they too Shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular and May I say without exception? So love his wife even as Himself. Now we men are quick to pick up on Ephesians 5 22 and So we may as well say it here Wives Submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord, but I would like for us to zero in on verse 25.

Husbands Love your wives. Even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself For it now. What does that mean? Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and Gave himself up for it.

Jesus Christ Gave himself up For the church he laid down his life For the church. He pleased not himself. But he became servant for the church. He surrendered his own will and his own rights for the church.

Oh God, would you please open up our eyes? Don't run off and call me a heretic too quick here. Just listen. Because the scriptures say wives are to submit themselves to husband. What about husband? Mutually submitting in the marriage relationship as head over the wife.

But what about? Submitting my rights. What about laying down my life? For my wife. You see just because and we men we get this so wrong so often. Just because God says the husband is the head of the wife that does not mean That the husband has any right to put his wife down there and stand on her.

That does not mean that at all. That does not mean that she has to submit to my every whim and desire and That I am in authority around here and you're going to submit to me and so your wife Who came to you as a beautiful gift as a beautiful free loving blossoming open-hearted Lovely wife as This bouquet of roses I set before you.

She came to you pure Holy innocent full of life with great expectations of what godly man She's marrying and how you will treat her and nurture her and bless her and love her as Christ loved the church.

And she has great potential. She has gifts and callings of God in her life also and God's design and desire is to bring two people together for the glory of his name. So that there might be a completeness so that we wouldn't be so lopsided all by ourselves men.

But you know as marriage goes on down the road all of that beauty all of that Gifting and all of those things that God designed in your wife God put in there To work a work of Completing in us men and if we Take our position as the head with the wrong attitude of you must submit to me and We will not hear our wife, but we will just stand on her.

We are not going to be complete in Christ as he has designed for us to be. Because God is placed in your wife in your wife. In your wife not his wife in your wife. The very things that he wants to work out in you to make you a more godly man, do you believe that?

You see when God made Eve for Adam he knew what Adam needed and When God made your wife for you, he knew what you needed. You're not married to the wrong one. Husbands, I want to introduce to you a thought that may be shocking.

If the Bible calls brethren to submit one to another in the fear of the Lord. What about husband and wife mutual Submission under the headship of God our Savior Jesus Christ. Mutually submitting one to another but you know what you can choose today and You have chosen throughout your life what you do with those things that are in your wife that bug you that irritate you that rub you the wrong way and You can just go out and you can just pull out the verse.

Well, the Bible says wife. You must submit to me so We're going to do it my way. Because that's what the Bible says. No, that's not what the Bible says. The Bible says husbands Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

He gave himself up for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word Boy, Aaron, you're getting pretty far off here. You're taking away all my authority all my headship.

I mean if I started letting my wife have any say in the matter she'd run me over you need to get an understanding of the picture that God has given unto us of Jesus Christ our Savior. The Bible tells us we are to love our wives even as Christ loved the church and How did he love her?

He laid down his life for her. Amen. He laid down his life for her. Men there are areas husbands. There are areas where it's righteousness and Holiness to lay down our life for our wife. There are areas where God is laying his finger on your heart.

Where you need to lay down your life. For your wife. I Believe that I don't stand before you today as one who is perfect or has attained and learned all these things. I'm in the school of Christ. I'm in the school of learning.

Together my wife and I are learning and growing together. But you know, especially from a religious background many times the men the men who are so accurately scripturally correct pull these verses out and They don't give their wife any Breathing room.

They don't give her any room to be herself to be what God has called her to be and what God has called for her to contribute to the marriage relationship and So we go on crippled. You know. Crippled because I won't face my need.

It's my wife bringing it to me. So I can't I can't see it and I just shut her out. That's very sad. We are stunted in our spiritual growth and in our walk with God. Because of those things let us turn to a few other texts here today.

Mutual Submission and the Danger of Bitterness

We may come back to this a little bit later. I'd like for you to turn with me to Colossians. Colossians 3 verse 19. Colossians 3 and verse 19. But before you read it from your Bible, I want to just put this up here again I someone here to read.

What do you see up here? Colossians 3 18 and 19. What what can you see up here? What can you read? What can you determine? Can you read it? Husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. Can we just zero in on?

That or do we get it turned around again and We see Colossians 3 18 wives submit Yourselves unto your own husbands and many times even forget to quote the rest of the verse. I've heard many men quote things.

Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands and just stop right there. But the Bible goes on to qualify that submission and says as is fit in the Lord As Is fit in the Lord. But he says husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them.

Be not bitter against them do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them. You see when those things That God has put in your wife to work a work of death in you and a purifying in your heart when those things that rub you take place and you begin to become resentful and bitter.

Toward your wife bitterness creeps in your heart like a poison. Do you know why I? Believe That marriages are falling apart because the devil is shooting at the very foundation of God's design for a godly seed.

The devil is shooting His arrows right at the heart of God's design for a godly seed and marriages are under attack and The devil is standing back and take an aim at your marriage and He's releasing many of his arrows.

Shooting him at the very foundation of the essence of the oneness that God has designed should be in marriage. He made two one. Wherefore did he make them one? That he might seek a godly seed. Malachi tells us.

And so marriages are Falling apart because of the hardness of men's hearts and the sinfulness of women's hearts to Marriages are falling apart because of the hardness of men's hearts and the stubbornness and the selfishness.

And We say I'm in charge men, it's time to get down off of our pedestals and Kneel at the foot of the cross of Jesus and get a picture of our Lord Jesus Christ dying on the cross Yielding himself giving up his life for the church that he might sanctify her that he might cleanse her.

Your wife came to you a beautiful gift from God. Someday you're going to give an answer to God what you have done with the gift that God has given you. Have you made her more beautiful. Have you nurtured her.

Have you cherished her. Have you loved her? Have you washed her with the word of the water of God and have you prayed for her? And have you been gracious toward her? And Have you allowed her? To affect your life and To change you more into the image of Christ.

Honoring Wives So That Prayers Are Not Hindered

First Peter tells us that you don't need to turn there, but it tells us Husbands likewise he husbands dwell with them according to knowledge giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel. As being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered.

Now, I know that probably in this room. There would be very few men I would expect Who would say I am finished. I Am so irritated at my wife. I am so bitter at her. I'm going to get a divorce and put her away but I wonder if today in this room if we will be totally honest with ourselves is There a spirit of divorce at work Between you and your wife that you have allowed in to your relationship a Spirit of divorce.

See the devil is shooting at that oneness that God has designed and He's shooting at the very core issues now. Let's just carry this out a little farther men the husbands dwell with your wife according to knowledge giving honor unto the wife as the weaker vessel as Being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered.

What happens when you and your wife are not one? You've allowed a Disagreement. You've allowed a conflict to come into your relationship. What happens? When it's time to pray. Can you pray? Can you pray with your wife?

No, your prayers are being hindered. Your prayers are being Stopped and there are husbands in this room. I would dare say Who your prayers are being hindered? Maybe they've even dried up. Because of the hardness of your heart and allowing a spirit of divorce in your heart towards your wife a spirit of bitterness a spirit of resentment or You'd never say it that I hate you.

But there's a resentment. There's a coolness. There's an aloofness and you know how to turn the cold shoulder. You know how to give her the silent treatment. And all those things and so when it's time to pray.

You just can't pray too good. Can we? Because our wife knows us. She knows the sin in our life and so it stops the prayers. The Bible says in 1st Peter there and I think we should turn there. Let's do that turn to 1st Peter chapter 3 and verse 7.

He says that your prayers be not hindered. And then he goes on and he says finally be all of one mind having compassion one of another. Love his brethren be pitiful. Be courteous not rendering evil for evil or railing for railing but contrary wise blessing.

Knowing that ye are there unto call that you should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life and see good days. Let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips that they speak no guile. Let him eschew evil and do good and let him seek peace and ensue it.

For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous and his ears are open unto their prayers. But the face of the Lord is against them that do evil husbands. Dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Live with her in a considerate way.

Considering her honoring her. Realizing that you are joint heirs together of the grace of God. God's unmerited favor. Understand this in order that your prayers be not hindered and cut off. Because if you're not dwelling with your wife in oneness and in unity.

You cannot pray effectively your prayers are hindered and so getting back to Malachi. When mom and dad aren't on praying ground what happens to those little children in your home. When mom and dad aren't on in unity and they've allowed a spirit of division to come in.

What is coming into the home? My brothers this is very serious. This is not a little matter. Like we might think God's eyes are upon you today. God's eyes are upon your marriage. God is very interested in your marriage.

God is very jealous over your relationship with your wife. The Bible tells us what God is joined together. Let not man. Put us under how about this man? Hmm, you know, we put that off out there somewhere.

Oh, we wouldn't divorce. How about this man putting us under and breaking that oneness and that unity of spirit and heart in your marriage relationship. Holding a grudge against your wife holding out against her.

So she comes around and trying to change her. Are we guilty of that? Are you bitter against your wife and out of that bitterness? Comes all kinds of things. Are you putting the squeeze on your wife? Are you putting pressure on her to conform?

To my way. Does she see in you Christ likeness? Does she see in you the Christ likeness of submitting? Yourself to God in the areas of your marriage relationship. Do you got the squeeze on your wife and you're putting her in such a tight? corner.

That that lovely beautiful open face before God is beginning to get cloudy and Downcast and the joy isn't there like it was when you got married. Your expectations of her. She's not measuring up. So you set out to change her and you put the squeeze on her.

Instead of allowing God to work in your heart and change you. Instead of giving up and laying down my life. I want my way and so I put the squeeze on my wife and she feels the pain of The squeeze that I'm putting her under the pressure the expectations.

Mom never did it that way. Why can't you ever learn? You made that same mistake again, and we put the squeeze on her. We want to fit her into our mold because you see we have our box in the way we think it ought to be and So we put the squeeze on her and you know what we're doing.

We're being rebellious and stubborn rather than submitting For the sake of Oneness and so we turn it a little tighter and your wife is no longer That beaming happy joyful person. She was when you married her.

She was full of vitality in life when you married her but today she looks wore out and Dejected and maybe even depressed men. This is sin. It's serious so she doesn't measure up. So we do the unthinkable that beautiful lovely bride I married.

I Start shooting at her. Take an aim and saying if you would only be in Submission to me Everything would be alright. It's your fault that we're having this problem. Instead of humbling ourselves and coming to the foot of the cross.

Instead of doing that we start getting out the knife and We stab her with words that wound That beautiful precious gift that God has given. And oh, maybe we realize we've done it and we repent and we were sorry but not deep enough.

We haven't really repented our heart hasn't really seen what we're doing. And so the next time we get another knife. It's a little bigger this time. She still doesn't learn her lesson we think. So we got to change her.

We got to get her to see it our way after all I'm the head and so we stab her again and she's becoming wounded and the next time it's a little bigger knife and That beautiful precious lovely Created in the image of God Help me for me.

It's being wounded and stabbed over and over harsh words Angry Words, I would have never dreamt. I do those things the day I got married. Now I'm furious. I'm mad. So we stab her again. These things are terrible sins and then we come to church and act like everything's okay.

They're awful sins. They mar the beautiful character and person and soul of our life it's going to be my way and We get out the big stick and the big knife and we stab her again. It is awful what takes place.

And if she still won't conform We get out the saw and we may chuckle. But you know, it's not funny. It is not funny. When God gave you your wife He gave you the wife that you needed. Because he knew the hardness of your heart.

He knew the weaknesses of your life. He knew the flat spots in your life and he knew where you needed your wife to complete you and to work a work of Grace in your heart that wouldn't happen any other way but if we're stubborn and we're rebellious and we are wrongly interpreting and using the scriptures will get out the saw and We'll do the unthinkable and we'll go to work on that thing.