Would You Encourage A Husband Who Is Being Beaten Up By His Wife to Separate?

Right now if she's if she's like a legitimate lunatic with a knife. Yeah.

Gone girl type person. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean if that like then then like I mean, I think it you know, if you're talking about like she's swinging a cast-iron Skillet at your head when you're not looking and you're ducking and you feel it like the wind Blowing behind your head and stuff like that.

Husband Abuse, Safety, and When Separation Is Warranted

Well, you're just in a different category.

Tim the question for today's episode is would you encourage a husband who is being beaten by his wife to separate for his safety?

Now I want to I want to say before we answer this question that you're already laughing.

Started the episode and you're left.

The serious topic, you know. Husband abuse is not no laughing matter. Yeah, exactly.

I.

Threw you off keep going. Okay. All right. I'm trying so yes, no. The reason why we're doing this episode. Yes, we had so much pushback on Twitter when we did our wife beating him. So so we were asking the question is it typically permissible for a wife to? divorce her.

You know wife beating husband that many people were asking, you know, what about the dudes here, right? So why like there were our husband beaters out there and what about the guy? So, you know some people call us false prophets for not mentioning the guys.

And this.

There's a lot of emotion emotion attached to it, it's okay. So like, you know, I think a lot of people watch the Johnny Depp trial and they were really emotionally invested in this but. So and then you know, like, you know, don't you care about these husbands and all that?

There's a plague. There's a plague of Husbands who are being beaten by their wives mercilessly by their wives. And so, you know, what what do we say to them, right?

You know Tim there there's a lot of times where we start out an episode with me, you know, basically basically asking in like a Rhetorical way. Why are we even having to talk about this issue? Most of the time I know exactly why we're having to talk about it.

But with with this one, I am just legitimately asking Why are we why are we talking about this? Why are we dedicating a whole episode to this?

So, I think All right, I think I I think our reaction is In a certain sense a normal kind of reaction that you would have to a scenario where you know a man who is like significantly physically stronger than his wife is somehow being beaten up by his wife like that like like.

Emotionally that feels very strange like to try to process Meaning like I mean, it just it feels like such a I can't imagine like my wife.

Like I.

Mean I can't conceive of any kind of scenario where that could ever happen. You know, you know I'm saying I could just as now now now I think one of the things that happened is that men have gotten a lot less tough Recently and so part of it's that like you have a lot of men who just really Don't have a lot of courage don't have a lot of strength and you what one of the things that's happened is you're living in a society right now that basically is Taking the side of the woman in every conceivable way and so a lot of people in the comments They basically don't think I understand the dynamics that we're talking about.

So I have like a little bit of a chuckle response to it. We both have a little bit of a chuckle response to it. I was more than chuckling. All right, so I think like the idea of a man just sitting there and just getting beat up by his wife like that's absurd.

Like I mean, I don't understand how that could possibly happen.

Hey, I gotta say Tim and and this is a confession for me. But you know my wife she actually did beat me up one time. She beat me in a fight.

Oh, yeah.

But it was because in the middle of her trying to show me her self-defense moves that she learned. That I easily stopped immediately and in the process of that a hammer fell off of Like the nightstand or the counter or wherever wherever we were and it landed right on my big toe.

And then I was incapacitated for a moment there. So she got she got me man. Yeah, yeah, I guess I guess I shouldn't laugh I'm in this category.

Yeah.

You have been abused man. No, I there's a similar story like that with my wife and I when we first got married. She looked at me and she was convinced she could take me and I was like, honey. This is Like not with 10 ,000 men.

Could you do this? Don't do this. Don't don't just don't just folly. But she thought she could. I just kind of put my arms around her and I said, okay get out, you know. Get up and then she she was stuck she couldn't move and I said look I'm not even breathing baby like I'm.

I'm talking to you in a normal tone of voice like this is hopeless. Don't ever try it, you know. But but no, I mean, so there's a sense in which I just can't imagine how that can go. But then I also like, you know, the people think well, I don't understand.

It's like no, I understand. I Understand we're living in a society right now.

Where.

Ladies functionally like the law is going to take their side in every single way. Imaginable and there's almost no accountability for women for their actions at all whatsoever. And I've been like I've counseled enough like crazy women.

And I'll call them crazy women because they're crazy. I've counseled enough crazy women to know that like a lady who wants to You know be a dripping contentious woman can make everyone's life significantly miserable and You know, I know that like there are examples of ladies who like the kind of like I know there's the kind of lady out there who Like can make home life so miserable to the point where a guy could be afraid to go to sleep because like she could like I mean I you know.

There are stories of like ladies lighting their husbands on fire while they're asleep and things like that because they're that unstable. So I understand that that type of woman can exist and like living in the context of a home.

You're kind of at her mercy. Meaning if you're if you're asleep and she wants to pull a jail on you Right and hit you over the head with a cast-iron skillet or something. There's not much you can do in those kind of scenarios, but then like the idea though of like a lady just beaten up her husband.

So not like when you're asleep and going crazy and you need to go to jail kind of thing but like a lady just like straight-up beating up her husband and Beating up her husband on a regular basis and you can't figure out how to stop her from beating you up.

Like I mean just put your hands out, you know, and you know, but you can't figure out how to do that. Then I said my suggestion to that kind of guy who's getting just beat up normal beat up. Not like psychotic like being lit on fire and cast-iron skillet to the head while you're asleep kind of guy.

Just the normal guy who's just getting beat up by his woman. I mean you just I could just show you a weight and you just like just pretend like you're in prison, you know. Before you're talking about like separating or anything like that.

Just step one pretend like you're in prison start lifting weights and Take a self-defense class or something like that. So like if we're not I mean if we're not talking about like the kind of scenario where?

You're actually in freight afraid of you for your life, right? We're just talking about like normal. She's being a bully and picking on you. Well, I have different counsel for that kind of guy and I have it, you know, I have so I have a category for a psycho.

Psycho.

Like crazy woman who.

Like.

Really needs to be put in a straitjacket somewhere. So I have counsel for that situation and then. But if you're just getting beat up by your wife, come on, come on, man.

That's the that's the council. Come on, man.

That's like you've failed at being a man, you know. You need to figure out what you're doing in life and you know, do better, you know, do better. Go go work out a little Bit and this shouldn't be that hard.

You know, this should be like restraining a child. Like it should be like it should like hey, that's what we're talking like I guess.

Yeah, I mean unless you're unless you're dating like a Legitimate, you know UFC fighter or something.

The.

Caridin you should you should have like a pretty large head start when it comes to like Physical prowess prowess, you know.

Yep, yep. So, all right. What is our question?

Would you would you encourage a husband who's being beaten by his wife to separate for his safety? Yeah. All right.

All right. Now if we so a lot. Okay, you have all the abuse category. Abuse is such a fuzzy word. So when people hear this like.

I.

We're wording it in the language of being beat up. But then a lot of people important that any notion of abuse, right?

Yeah, right.

So I did a poll on this on Twitter and I used the phrase beating up being beat up by his wife. Which is a specific phrase, right. And people heard everything from emotional abuse all the way to light the guy on fire when he's asleep.

Okay. Yeah, right.

So because of that like the wide like range of hearing like and that's a hearing problem. That's not a that's not like a cinder Problem, that's a receiving problem. Like because people are hearing such dramatically different things.

Then let me start with the emotional abuse if you're being emotionally abused by your wife. You need to get thicker skin. Grow up and pray for her and learn to be salt long-suffering. Learn to be patient.

Learn to be kind learn to not return evil for evil don't get embittered, right? So if you're being emotionally abused and Women can ramp it up right and that could be a significant source of frustration and temptation towards a man particularly if you are actually stronger than her and you're scared that one day you're gonna lose your temper and Then you're gonna get thrown in jail.

Because she is provoking you and provoking you and provoking you without mercy without end forever and ever and ever. Just because you suspect she's trying to Get you to finally lose it so she can have every justification.

She needs to take you to court and take all your money and everything else like that's not a reason to leave. Okay? That's the reason to grow in your sanctification and you know, like there's you need to pray for her and You know show her what it's like to control her emotions and and so you're the leader, you know.

Don't be led by her emotional frenzy at that point. You need to be the calm and stable one and sit there and take it, you know and you know if you need to in that moment physically remove yourself from the situation and it may be that if she's all up In your face and she won't let you leave you know, that's where you pull out your phone and say I'm gonna call the police if you don't get out of my way, right because we'll file a report on this if you have this little self-control and you're gonna just sit there and provoke and provoke and provoke and provoke then we'll we'll just Well, we'll go the police route, okay so so I think there's a there's a I'm gonna temporarily remove myself from the situation to Get you to calm down.

Okay, and Perhaps remove my children from the situation because you're acting crazy. So if you're talking about emotional abuse abuse, I don't think you're talking. You're not in the realm of like separate from your wife because you're unhappy.

Like you just you just made a poor marriage choice and it's time to reap the consequences of it. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. All right. Now if you're getting beat up by your wife like legitimately beat up like beat up like.

She's just like.

She's just straight up, you know. Body slamming you, you know not gonna kill you kind of beat up, right? So we're not talking about the knives or the cast-iron skillets or you know, the Pulling out the gun on you or You know like lighting you on fire when you're asleep kind of thing.

We're just talking about you're just straight up getting beat up by your wife. Like she's just beating you up and you're just too afraid to do anything about it or whatever. Then I would just say hey just get beat up in.

Like a like.

Lift some weights get beat up. Like if you can't stop her call the police, you know, call the police follow your domestic violence report. Talk to your church about it. Let them know that you got beat up by your wife but I mean I would say lift some weights and lift some weights and You know start getting in shape and you should be able to like fix that problem in a few weeks, you know.

Maybe a month month of serious working out. You should be able to get to a point where Like you can keep her from hurting you and keep her from hurting yourself. Unless she's just like like some Amazon woman, you know, and you're like a midget like in that way in which case we're talking about like an abnormal situation or something like that, but Like generally you should be able to you should be you know, like I wouldn't encourage guys to leave in that I mean that just may be that you're just suffering for righteousness sake.

I have I have a category for telling that man You know, like just you to eat like You're married. This is the worst part right here. This is a contentious woman part Like this is I don't have the same kind of standard for a man at that point than a woman.

So so why why not have the same standard?

Because that you're. This is. You are the stronger vessel and this is the weaker vessel and physically you or have you should have an overwhelming physical advantage over this woman and like you should like, you know, this is.

This is like a situation like, you know, what do you do? If you're five year old is beating or your ten-year-olds beating you up as a adult, right? Mm-hmm.

Do you?

Like.

Do you just kick the kid out of the house forever or whatever? I think you just you need to have some sort of category of you. You should be able to.

Handle this. Okay. Mm-hmm. Is there any sort of like spiritual aspect to that? You know, like like obviously Christ, you know, he came. He laid down his own life freely. He let people, you know beat him pull his hair out.

Yeah, obviously I think we're living in a society right now that's so sensitive to these areas. It's so sensitive like let out Reg's man strike me. Like there are verses in the Bible like that. So Jesus was silent before the shares.

Like he was like a lamb like to the slaughter like when he was reviled he didn't revile and return and so I think like we used to have some sort of category for. Like where you could distinguish between different types of physical abuse even right?

Yeah. Like like meaning like, you know, you get beat up on the yeah. Like a you know kid gets beat up in the playground by a bully or something like that. No one thought that was like a life-or-death kind of situation.

For the most part it was you know, it was bad. It was wrong. It was sinful, but it wasn't like it's just kind of a normal part of life kind of thing. Now I mean some of these videos you see are pretty horrendous of those kind of things happening worth.

You know people are being curb-stomped on the ground to where these lines are being blurred and that kind of thing. But like, you know, you used to have a category for some a lot more physical.

Like.

You know violence and everything else. So I think there's. We've gotten pretty like soft as it relates to these things as a society and we treat every thing that could fit into this category as if it's like Like just Someone with a knife tried to stab you or something.

Yeah, but but I mean I'm just trying to imagine what it would even be like for my wife to try to hurt me.

At all.

You get what I'm saying? Just I mean just make sure that you know. You move the hammer a little closer from the edge of the counter so it doesn't drop on your toe. I.

Mean my wife is it my wife's tough for a girl, but I mean like there's no way I don't even think she could hurt Me. Mm-hmm. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like at all like I mean I could. And if she was intent on willing on me, I could keep her away from my face.

You know, she could punch me in my arms and stuff like that and chest and like, okay. Punch harder, you know. Like that should like it shouldn't be like like if she's like legitimately beating me up I think everyone should look at that and say man You need a you need like take care of yourself a little better than that, you know, like something.

Something like there's no way that my kid Could ever hurt me, you know, I'm saying. Mm-hmm. Like none of my I guess like that would it so I think there's like there's part of this. It's like men are significantly stronger than women and if you're just getting Straight up taken out by her wife unless she's just like trained.

Even if she's trained her whole life as a martial artist that you just should be significantly You know was stronger than her. I can't imagine how this could actually even happen. Even in the worst-case scenario.

We're here man, we're here.

We're having now right now. If she's if she's like a legitimate lunatic with a knife, yeah.

Gone girl type person. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean if that then then like I mean, I think it you know, if you're talking about like she's swinging a cast-iron Skillet at your head when you're not looking and you're ducking and you feel it like the wind Blowing behind your head and stuff like that.

Well, you're just in a different category. Okay? Mm-hmm. So in that kind of category, you're calling the police and it may be that yes you separate. Yeah, if that's what we're talking about, but I mean if you're talking about like just you're getting straight up.

Like now I get you can't fight back. I totally get that. You can't fight back. All right. Mm-hmm. I get it I get you can't fight back because the moment you like even if you were to grab her arms and put bruises on her arms.

And that scenario she can call the police and you can lose your kids and you can lose your house and everything else. But even so like I just don't I still don't understand how that that you can't at the very least kind of Stop stop the things from going at the places They need to go and everything else if you're not talking about baseball bats and knives and you know things like that you know and even.

Then I think you should be able to take care. Yeah, go go learn how to take care of yourself. But anyways, all right three categories emotional abuse. I don't have any I don't think I was anything to say about all that.

That's just a nonsense category in general. That's the you know for better for worse kind of stuff. That's contentious wife you suffer through the emotional abuse. You're talking about like the guns and knives and cast iron skillets and fire and all that you you may get away from that crazy.

Woman, you know.

Call the cops on her. Get away from that crazy woman get her thrown in jail, you know kind of stuff. You know if you're talking about getting beat up and if she's literally taking you out call the cops on it.

You know call the cops on it. Me and just start working out some. Yeah.

But and I'm assuming in that answer you're. There's probably some form of like how you get your church involved.

With all three of those all three options if you're like if you're any of those Categories you may be talking to your pastor. You need me talking to church. And I think it's a sad thing that most people in these kind of scenarios.

They really aren't going to church and really that is the guy's fault. You know, the guy hasn't faithfully taken them to church and then like stuff like this happens. They have no one to turn to and it's you know.

A lot of times it's the man's I mean it is the man's fault for not leading and taking a key could be going himself. You know, yeah, and then he could get people's advice on the outside and you know talking about what are we talking about here?

Everything else and so yeah, I mean, I think you're just you know, you're. You're in a scenario right now, or you know. If you can imagine like a big bear get beat up by a little puppy dog or something like that.

You know. It does feel like you need to have different counsel that you give to that situation. Then when it's the puppy dog get beat up by the bear. Okay. Okay fair enough.

Church Involvement, Pastoral Counsel, and Final Takeaway

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