Episode 639: TLP 639: Useful Family Relationships, Part 1 | the nature

The Purpose of Parenting and the Start of a New Season

Paul knew that Philemon and Onesimus needed this lesson, because Onesimus had not submitted to God in the past. And they both are going to be tempted not to submit to God in the future. Parenting isn't about us.

In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give God the preeminence in their parenting.

I'm your host, A .M. Brewster, and I welcome you to Season 36. At the end of this season, we're going to celebrate our 10th year of podcasting and our 651st episode. That is a huge milestone in podcasting.

ChatGPT provided me the following statistics. Quote, millions of podcasts have been created since podcasting began. A very large percentage became inactive after only a handful of episodes. Only a relatively small fraction survived for five years.

Reaching 10 consecutive years of production places a show among the more established podcasts in the industry. And then it went on to say, 650 episodes works out to about 65 episodes per year. That's approximately 1 .25 episodes every week.

Compared with the market, many podcasts stop before reaching 20 episodes. Reaching 100 episodes is already considered a major milestone. 300 plus episodes is uncommon and 500 plus episodes generally indicates a long-running, disciplined production operation.

Unquote. Thank you, ChatGPT. And I hope that helps give you some perspective about the number of resources at your fingertips and the massive foundation that has been laid on this show. Each of these episodes stands on the shoulders of those that went before.

They're all interconnected like a fractal. They support, expand, and inform each other. That's why we've been trying to consistently produce since 2016. And Lord willing, it will continue for much longer.

It also helps that each of our episodes comes with free notes, a transcript, and carefully curated links to related resources so that you can benefit from our vast collection without feeling lost. So I hope you're excited about this season and ready to learn what God has for all of us.

Family Counseling Topics and the Book of Philemon

This season we're diving into some of the most regularly visited family counseling topics. Biblical counselors speak into every facet of the human experience because God's Word gives us everything we need for life and godliness.

But when it comes to the families whom I serve, there tend to be a lot of things in common. For that reason, we frequently end up studying similar topics and passages of Scripture. So our first short series of the season will span four episodes.

It's called Useful Family Relationships, and we'll be studying this concept from the book of Philemon. Now, before we dive in, I hope you have your family with you, and I hope you've taken advantage of the life work PDFs available on our blog, Taking Back the Family.

If you click the link in the description of this episode, you'll be taken directly to our blog so you can access that life work. When a family and I work through this content, they do the life work at home, and then we'll apply the truths to their lives during our sessions.

We'll also answer questions and dive deeper as necessary. Of course, in a podcast, I can't speak one-on-one with you, and that means our application can only go so deep. For that reason, I hope you'll do two things.

First, as you listen to this with your family, I hope you'll keep the conversation going. I hope you'll guide your family to the specific application that they need to become useful for God. Second, if you're hitting a roadblock and don't know how to apply the material in helpful ways, please consider reaching out to us at Counselor at TruthLoveParent .com so that our biblical counselors can work with your family to identify the best application of God's truth.

But before we get any further into today's study, I hope you're excited to see this podcast hit 15 and then 20 years of ministry. But we can't do that without your help. The vast majority of the content we produce is absolutely free.

The goal was for this nonprofit to raise the necessary funds from donors. As those donors support the ministry, we could continue creating free resources for hurting families and thriving families. But we're going to need to raise a lot more money if we ever hope to reach our 11th year of podcasting.

We're currently trying to raise money necessary to become a sustainable ministry. That means that we need listeners like you to become monthly donors. All you have to do is visit TruthLoveParent .com forward slash donate to learn more.

Each monthly gift, regardless of a size, will help because they will all add up and we'll be able to budget better than we are when we just get one-time gifts. And trust me, we love one-time gifts, but being able to budget moving forward is a really important part of this initiative.

So please visit TruthLoveParent .com forward slash donate to become a monthly donor. And let's get excited about what God is going to do for this ministry. And now, back to the show. Get your life work pages ready because here we go.

The Letter to Philemon and the Meaning of Useful Relationships

The book of Philemon is about reconciliation and the overall relationships between Christians. Onesimus, whose name means useful in the Greek, was a slave of a believer named Philemon who lived in Colossae.

As you read the passage, it appears that Onesimus had stolen from Philemon and fled the country. Some time later, while Paul was under house arrest in Rome, it appears that Onesimus met him and eventually became a Christian.

Now Paul wrote this letter around the same time as Colossians and gave them both to Onesimus to carry back to Philemon. This is corroborated in Colossians 4 .9 where it says,. And with him, Onesimus, our faithful and beloved brother, who is one of you, they will tell you of everything that has taken place here.

Then we see that Paul appeals to Philemon to accept Onesimus back into his household as a brother in the Lord rather than a slave. In Paul's estimation, Onesimus was far more quote-unquote useful to Philemon now that he was a Christian.

Paul even promised to pay whatever debt Onesimus might owe Philemon, and over the course of the entire letter, Paul shows us how Christians need to be engaged in what I'm calling useful relationships.

Now it's important to keep in mind that Paul did not write this letter as a doctrinal treatise or a twelve-step pamphlet. It was a personal letter. I believe it's probably the most personal letter in the Bible.

And Paul's beliefs about God are evident in it. All of this practical application flows from the truths Paul had learned and had been teaching his whole converted life. Therefore, it's important for us to be looking carefully for these truths because there won't be a bullet point or flashy PowerPoint slide or neon letters surrounding these lessons.

So today's episode is about the nature of the people within useful family relationships. And it's interesting to note how Paul describes himself and the other Christians in his life. Let's look at four different passages in order to identify how Paul saw himself and other Christians and then apply that to our lives.

Prisoners, Workers, Soldiers, and Family Members

Number one, according to verses 1, 9, and 23, what word does Paul use to describe Christians? Let's read the verses. I'll be reading out of the Legacy Standard Bible for this whole study. Verse one reads, Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus.

In verse nine, we see, I am such a person as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus. And in verse 23, we read, Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, greets you. Now hopefully you remember that I said earlier that Paul was under house arrest when he wrote this letter.

But I don't believe Paul is simply trying to remind Philemon that he was incarcerated. Paul uses the same description of himself in Ephesians 3, 1. And in Ephesians 4, 1, we see prisoner in the Lord. And there are other uses peppered throughout the New Testament.

Why would Paul refer to himself like this? Why is it important? Why would he use this imagery for himself and other believers? Hopefully you're curious about this and hopefully you have some thoughts as to why it's important.

I'll say this for now. Paul is viewing his imprisonment in Christ and for Christ and of Christ as something far more than simply being in chains because of his loyalty to Christ. Number two, according to verses 1 and 24, what other word does Paul use to describe Christians?

Verse 1 refers to Philemon as a fellow worker. And then again in verse 24, Paul mentions Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke, my fellow workers. What was the key modifier Paul used to describe these people?

Well, again, they were workers. Paul and John use this same description of Christians in Romans 16 .3, 16 .9, 21, 1 Corinthians 3 .9, 2 Corinthians 8 .23, Philippians 2 .25, 4 .3, Colossians 4 .11, 1 Thessalonians 3 .2, and 3 John 1 .8.

What do you think this imagery is designed to communicate to us? Why would we see it all over the New Testament to describe God's people? What implications are there for Christians being workers? Again, I hope you're at least curious about the answer.

The Bible never wastes words. Every one of them is important and designed to work together with the others to teach us something about God, other people, and ourselves. But we'll get to the answer shortly.

First, we must consider the other description Paul uses of God's children. Number three, according to verse 2, how does Paul describe Archippus? In verse 2, we read, To Archippus, our fellow soldier. Paul uses this same imagery in Philippians 2 .25,.

But I regarded it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother and fellow worker, and fellow soldier, who is also your messenger and minister to my need. In 2 Timothy 2 .3, we read, Suffer hardship with me as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

That's a very interesting way to describe Christians. Was Paul a soldier in an actual physical army? Are we supposed to join the military? Why would Paul use the word soldier to describe Epaphroditus?

Why did he use any of these words to describe these men and women? Paul's not done yet with the figurative descriptions. Number four, according to verses 2, 3, 7, 10, 16, and 20, Paul uses various terms to describe Christians.

But all these words are similar in that they describe a common relational unit. What is that unit? I won't take the time to read each verse, but I'll point you to the words I want you to see. In those verses, we read about people being referred to as sister, father, brother, and child multiple times.

Those are all descriptions of family. All throughout the Bible, God uses the exact same imagery. He even explains our salvation in terms of adoption into his family. All right, so stop and consider. Why did Paul use the terms prisoner, worker, soldier, and family to describe all of the Christians he mentioned in this letter?

What's the point? Is it no big deal? They're just words or are there larger lessons to be learned? Number five, application for your family. Each of those descriptions has a lot of meaning packed into them, but we're going to focus on one thing because each of them has something in common.

Can you see what it is? Now, since you can't truly provide meaningful feedback in a podcast, I'm going to answer the question for you, but in the future, feel free as a family to pause the recording when a question is asked in order to elicit feedback from everyone as they have ideas so that everyone gets to exercise their brains.

Okay, so the prisoner, the worker, the soldier, and children in particular all have expectations put on them from authority figures. Prisoners are only allowed to do what the warden allows. Workers are responsible to accomplish what the employer expects.

Soldiers are required to fulfill the general's commands, and children are expected to submit to and obey their parents. Christians have a unique identity. Though the world is constantly fighting to have their uniqueness and specialness and freedom and authority and self-autonomy recognized, we find all throughout the scriptures that children of God have a very different nature, a different identity.

By using this imagery, Paul is helping us understand that we, as Christians, are supposed to live our lives in submission to our ultimate authority, that is, God the Father. Our nature is one of submission and obedience and setting aside our desires to pursue another's.

Now, you might be new to the scriptures, and you might think I'm making a pretty huge leap with just a handful of descriptive words from a single short letter. But what you'll find when you read the rest of the Bible is that Paul is simply writing from his comprehensive understanding of God's will for our lives.

Jesus tells us to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him. He explains that the greatest commands are to love God and others above ourselves. He says that if we love Him, we'll keep His commandments.

We're taught to be humble and selfless and obedient and submissive. Time and time again, we realize that to be a Christian is to have a new nature, a new identity given to us. And that identity is one that is more consumed with God and His glory than it is our own.

We realize that we are here to fulfill His will in His way for His reasons in His power. He deserves our worship. He deserves our lives placed on the altar as a living sacrifice. Paul knew that Philemon and Onesimus needed this lesson because Onesimus had not submitted to God in the past.

And they were both going to be tempted not to submit to God in the future, especially when it came to being useful to each other. So, how does this apply to us? What changes do these truths need to work in our lives?

Salvation, Submission, and the Call to Be Useful in the Home

Well, as you look around the room at your parents, siblings, children, or spouse, please know this. In order to have useful, valuable, beneficial relationships with them, you need to start with the correct understanding of who you are.

Letter A, God wants you to have a relationship with Him. Paul was born again. The Bible goes into a lot of detail about how Paul came to Christ. We know that Philemon was a Christian, and we know that Paul led Onesimus to salvation by grace alone through faith alone.

Onesimus was previously not useful to Philemon, as he should have been. But once he submitted to Jesus, he had the ability to be infinitely more useful than he could have ever been before. If you aren't a child of God, if you're not a Christian, if you haven't been saved by the blood of Christ and born again into new life, then you can never truly be useful to the people around you.

You can't relate to them the way you were created to relate. Now, we just recently did another family devotional series. It's called Biblical Families, and in that series, we work through 1 John to help us all better understand how to become children of God and grow in Him.

I would strongly encourage working through that material if there are any questions about what it is to be truly biblically born again. So, that's the first necessary step to have useful family relationships.

You need to be saved. Letter B, God wants you to submit to His will for your life. This is where the imagery of being a prisoner, a worker, a soldier, and a family member comes in. You're not pushing everyone aside as you run selfishly toward your own desires.

You recognize that you have been placed on this earth to glorify God and love others. This means that how you relate to the people in your family isn't dictated by your feelings, or by what society says.

God gets to decide how you function in your family. He gets to define useful family relationships. Now, I don't want to make these episodes any longer than they have to be, and I don't want to take the idea of a prisoner, worker, soldier, and family member and extrapolate out all the other implications of those terms, for there are many.

There is plenty of scripture that digs deeper into these concepts, and each of those words are truly packed with meaning. But the point of today's life work assignment is to help us better understand our nature in Christ and to recognize that our identity is children to a parent, workers for a master, soldiers for a king, and prisoners to a Lord.

As we view ourselves that way and seek to live accordingly, everything else we're going to learn from the book of Philemon, and from the Bible as a whole, will be much easier to understand and submit to.

The Need for New Birth and a New Identity in Christ

Now, it's very likely that you're listening to this and want nothing to do with it. You don't want to be a prisoner of Christ. You don't like working. You don't want to be a soldier, and you don't like the implication of useful family members.

If that's the case, allow me to suggest that you probably don't have a saving relationship with God. That's likely your biggest need of the moment. I say this because when you truly understand who God is and who you are, you can't help but be overwhelmed by the beauty of the fact that He is the Creator and you are the creation.

You can appreciate why His glory is so much more important than your own. You won't do it perfectly all the time, but you begin to understand how true joy is found in serving others. So, as we conclude today, I encourage you to give careful consideration to how being in Christ and understanding your new nature could drastically change your relationship with everyone in your home.

Meditate on what it would look like for you to set aside your wishes for this family and instead seek after God's. And it's only after we understand our identity in Christ and our families that we see our desperate need for the resources God promises.

But if you or a family member doesn't truly understand or want to be under the authority of God, they don't want to submit to His plan for their lives, then I encourage you to email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894.

Our biblical counselors would love to serve you by teaching and reproving and correcting and training your family. And please share this episode so that other Christian families can better understand what it takes to have useful relationships in their home.

And then join us next time as we look at the amazing resources God provides so that we can have valuable relationships in our families. I'll see you then. So join us next time as we study God's Word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness.

And remember that TLP is a listener-supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com forward slash donate to learn more.