Wholesome Speech for A Wholesome Life — Alan Martin

Do you remember our challenge from last week? How many people remember our challenge from last week? You don't want to admit it if you don't, because you're like the person in the mirror. But our challenge from last week was to make it every single day, every single day, without letting a single unwholesome word come out of our mouth.

Every day, all day, seven days. And if we can do it for one week, we can do it for a month. And if we can do it for a month, we can do it for a year. If we can do it for a year, we can do it the rest of our lives for the honor and glory of God.

Wholesome Speech and the Christian Calling

And that's the passage we're studying this week. Ephesians chapter four, verses 29 through 32. This is where Paul, we know Paul is calling the saints of Ephesus and he's calling all Christians up to this standard of living a life that's worthy of the calling you receive.

Clothing yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ and stripping off that old man. And he continues to be specific in his instructions to the believers there. Here in Ephesians 4, 29, 32. I'm going to read most of the scriptures today because we're celebrating the Lord's Supper.

We have several other things we're doing, but we're going to still have the scriptures on the screen so you can follow along. Do not let any sceptic word. I'll tell you why I chose that term. Do not let any sceptic word go forth from your mouth, but only that which is good towards building up according to the need in order that it may give grace to those who are hearing.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed into the day of redemption. Let be removed from you all bitterness and rage and anger and clamor and slander along with all malice and be kind toward one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ forgave you.

And as I thought as I read this, my heart just aches that oh, if more of us had a clear vision of how much there is to be gained from becoming fully aware of the power of our words and the blessing that is there for us if we begin to choose our words carefully.

Because a man is rewarded according to the fruit of his mouth and it is our mouths will either bring us into blessing or our mouths will either bring us into trouble. But they lead us and there's so much blessing for us.

Guarding the Lips and the Heart

I love this scripture in Proverbs chapter 13, 3. It's one of the ones that I wanted my children to memorize early in life. Proverbs 13, 3. He who guards his lips guards his life. El que guarda sus labios guarda su vida.

You want to guard your life? Begin by guarding your lips. We damage ourself too often by the things we say. He who guards his lips guards his life. And then it says, but the one who speaks rashly comes to ruin.

And when I heard the word rashly, you know what it reminded me of? A rash. A rash. What's a rash? A rash is something that breaks out on your skin from some irritation. You don't want to speak because something on the inside is irritating you.

That's not the way to speak. That's not when to speak. If you speak and in reaction to some irritation, it's a swelling of thoughts, isn't it? And when your thoughts swells, your emotions follow. And when your emotions and your thoughts are swollen, words are going to come out like a rash.

Ugly and usually not very pretty for you. Not beneficial or helpful to others, even if they're quote unquote accurate. Even if there's some truth to them. Remember, this starts in the heart. It comes out of the mouth.

But what comes out of the mouth starts in the heart. That's where the irritation is going on. That's where the swelling is taking place. We know that from Jesus's word, Matthew chapter 12, 34 through 36.

Read along with me. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good that is stored up in him. And an evil man brings forth evil things out of the evil stored up in him.

But I tell you, and I wish I tell you just like it said for the first time. Let me put it this way. I tell all of you, every one of us are going to give an account on the day of judgment for every idle word we speak.

Yes, it's just as true today as it was when Jesus said it. And I don't think it is dawn on nearly enough of us. We are going to give an account for every idle word we have spoken on the day of judgment.

It's pretty serious. But by your words, you will be acquitted. And by your words, you will be condemned. Now, if I knew that the judge that is going to be judging me was listening to everything I'm saying, I'm going to be pretty careful with everything I say.

And that's what Jesus is encouraging. Let me talk about this word idle. From the Greek word argos, it means it's something that quits working. It's not productive or anything. And the danger with idle words is this.

We don't choose them carefully. We're not driving. We're idling. We're not in control. That's the danger. Most idle words are spontaneous. They come out quickly. They spring out. They're reactionary. They're impulsive.

And you know what they're similar to? A word that I have to kind of say carefully. They're similar to vomit. It's like throwing up with words. You feel sick to your stomach. Something's bothering you and you, blah.

You throw up on people with your impulsive, reactionary, impulsive words. That's the danger. The more conscientious we are about our words, the more prudent we will become about all things. You will so grow in your discernment and in your judgment and in your prudence, how careful you are when you become conscientious about words.

Now, when I become nauseous, nauseated, I hate throwing up. Some people are just like, I just throw up. I feel better. But not me. I do, oh, I hate that. But what do I do when I become nauseous? I get very, very still.

Because I don't want any movement to cause me to just suddenly lose it. And let me encourage you, when you feel spiritually nauseous, emotionally nauseous, get extremely still. Be still and know that He is God.

Amen. Be still, lest some impulse cause you to lose it and throw up your emotional words on someone else. Or at least do this. If you can't help it, get to the bathroom and throw up in the toilet. Away from anybody else, so you're not hurting them.

You're not making others sick. OK? Sometimes we're not safe to be around. Got to get still and wait till that, so that what's going on the inside settles down. It's super important. Let me tell you, there's a promise that we can read about in James chapter 3, verses 1 and 2.

Self-Control Begins with the Tongue

Kind of a warning and a promise. James says this. Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. Now, we all stumble in many ways.

It's interesting that he says that. But anyone who is never at fault in what he says. You know the word never? That's a pretty strong word, isn't it? The goal here is not less. The goal is never. I want to make sure we understand the goal.

It's never at fault in what he says. Any man is never at fault in what he says. He is a perfect man. He's complete. He is mature. He is functioning the way God intended. He is able to keep his whole body in check.

You know how he's able to do that? Because in order to control a word, you must first check a thought, right? You have to stop the thought before it becomes a word. And when you learn to check your thoughts before they become words, by checking your thoughts, you learn self-control.

And when you don't have to give in to impulse anymore, you can choose not to say the wrong thing and only say what is wholesome. That is powerful. That gives a person a dynamic change in their entire life.

So I will say this. The foundation for self-control begins with guarding your speech, all right? Checking them out requires checking a thought. Remember that. We only choose. Well, let me put this. We only use words carefully when we choose words carefully.

Now, choosing a word carefully probably means don't say the first thing that comes to your mind. See if there's another choice out there somewhere. Maybe what comes to your mind at that time is not the best thing to say.

Maybe there's a better thing you can say. Maybe there's a better time to say it. Maybe there's a better tone to say it in. You know, we can speak to one another in a way that will actually make a situation better for everyone.

I believe that. We can actually speak in a way that will make situations better, bring healing, bring peace, bring order, that will de-escalate, that will help turn the conversation or the situation in the right direction.

And this is what Paul means by ministering grace. Our words should turn people to the Lord Jesus. Our people should turn people to the truth. Our words should turn the situation towards something that God is infused into.

That's grace. And when our heart's desire, when the desire in the bottom of our heart is genuinely to make things better for the person we're speaking to, that's when we have an opportunity to minister the grace.

Because, look, there is, at times, correction or saying things that are difficult is necessary. But let me first give you an example of what is not beneficial. And this is interesting. I've been in training for the bus driver, working for Northside Independent School District, and so I had to go through recertification, and this, what I'm about to tell you now, is actually in the recertification class for bus drivers.

They said, it's fine to be humorous, but leave your sarcasm at home. Isn't that interesting? They see this, even in the public, in dealing with people, and it says, sarcasm is rarely ever productive for anything.

It literally means, it's defined in their English dictionary as to speak bitterly or to sneer, but it comes from the Greek word sarcos. The verb literally means to strip off flesh. So you know what sarcasm is?

Sarcasm is like using words like a whip to flog somebody. That's what sarcasm is. And you know what? I'm just going to say this. There is a person, very popular in culture in the US today, who uses sarcasm in a way that just grieves me nearly every time I hear it.

It's almost made a thing of it. I'm not naming the person, but you'll recognize it. Just statements made, like used like a whip. Don't learn that way. It's unwholesome, unproductive speech. You know, when we turn to sarcasm, we're just trying to stop someone or inflict pain on someone, and we use words like a whip.

Don't do that. It's angry words. They're usually frustrated words, and they do more harm than good. This is why Paul puts the standard for our speech as whatever builds others up according to their needs and whatever ministers grace to them.

Stationing a Guard at the Mouth and Heart

So guarding our speech requires something. First of all, it requires a conscientious effort. You know, guards are usually stationed someplace, aren't they? So can any of you think of what the scripture says about stationing a guard at our mouth?

Have you ever read that when you've read the Psalms or the Proverbs where King David actually asked the Lord, would you put a guard over my mouth? Keep the door of my lips. You know what a guard is good at doing?

A guard is good at arresting any unauthorized person. And you know what we need? We need to set a guard at our mouth to arrest any unwholesome word. It needs to be seized before it leaves our lips and injures somebody.

And what we have to do, because that would raise a question for us is, well, how do you store up? How do you do this? If you're a good man, the good man brings forth good out of the good stored up in him.

How does that involve setting a guard? Well, since we know that the problems with words begin with thoughts inside, where does the guard also need to be set? In the heart. Above all else, David told Solomon, guard your heart with all diligence because from there flows the issues of life.

So how would you and I set up a guard in our heart so that our thoughts would be guarded and our mouth would be guarded so that we recognize unauthorized thoughts and arrest them before they become unwholesome words?

How do you do that? You do live by the spirit. And there's some helpful, there's some ways to help this. What did David say he did in his heart to keep him from sinning? Can you think of that? This is a vacation Bible school verse.

That's it. Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin. You see what he's doing? I stationed guards there. I put the truth there. I've made your word there in my heart so that when an unauthorized thought comes, an unwholesome thought comes, it gets arrested before it becomes an unwholesome word.

And you do that by storing God's word in your heart, living by the Holy Spirit where the Holy Spirit will help you. We're going to get into that even a little bit more. Let's look at this verse in Philippians chapter four, verse eight.

Filling the Mind with What Is True and Pure

Philippians four, eight. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is love. Can you see storing these things? Hey guys, listen, let's store them.

Store up what is noble. Store up what is true. Store up what is right. Store up what is pure. Store up what is lovely. Store up what is admirable. If there's anything excellent, store it up. If anything praiseworthy, store it up.

Think about such things. And then James adds this. You know, Philippians, I think, I want to make sure, but this is what comes to mind after that. I didn't write it here. Whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent, praiseworthy, think about such things.

You know what I think the next statement is in the scripture? And the God of peace will be with you. You store these things up and God will be. He's far from the wicked, but he's near those of a broken and contrite heart who are storing up.

And don't you know that God can tell if you're storing up his word in your heart, don't you? Don't you think he can tell how precious his word is to you? And if his word is precious to you, do you think he's going to get the sense that he is precious to you as well?

I tend to want to be around people who think I'm special. I tend to avoid someone who doesn't like me very much. I think that's human nature. You are special. Well, thank you. Here's what James says. We need to store these up.

But wisdom that comes from above. Not all wisdom comes from above. Earth has its idea about wisdom. Sarcasm, witty, put them in their place, tell them what you feel, give it to them straight. Let them have it.

The world has its way. And the world almost idolizes these witty people. We're not cutting each other down. It's almost like a game. Man, workplaces are horrible about this. It's like they make a sport of who can be the wittiest, cutting other people down.

I beg the people of this church, don't live this way. You're not here to be a clown. You're not here to be a comedian. You're here to learn Christ. Amen. Amen. Don't live this way. It's worldly. It's carnal.

It's sensual. It's devilish. I'm so grateful that some of our young people are not this way. And I just, please stay that way. Please stay that way. Okay. If we store up these qualities in our hearts, then these are the qualities that are going to be coming out of our mouth.

Ah, how wonderful it would be. So, Paul says in Ephesians chapter 4, verse 31, because part of storing things up means you got to make room, don't you? A lot of times before we start putting something in a place, we have to get other things out.

Removing Bitterness and Reaching the Root of Sin

Well, we need to do some house cleaning, heart cleaning, right? And Paul is very realistic about this. So, he says in Ephesians 4, verse 31, let be removed from you all bitterness and rage and anger and clamor and slander along with every form of malice.

The words may be a little bit different here, but I want you to think about these type of words. Bitterness, rage, anger, clamor, slander, and all malice. You know what they are? They are all things that hurt other people.

I mean, we need to do a heart search and we need to get rid of every single thing in our heart that is harmful to someone else. Everything needs to go away. Our hearts and minds need to be cleaned of characteristics that damage people.

Now, when something happens, then we become aware, because this is going to happen, something happens, the situation may, you may get taken in a trap, the devil may set you up, and suddenly something may come out of your heart that is not very wholesome.

It catches you by surprise. What are you supposed to do? What do you do then? Well, recognize what just happened and realize, hey, the root of those things is still there. The root is still there. Now, here's what some people do when a tree is bad.

When a tree is bad, you can just kind of try to prune it back. But if you just prune the branches off of a bad tree, what's going to happen? They're just going to grow back. So if you want to kill it, what do you have to do?

What do you have to go for? You have to go for the root. You're going to have to do some digging, and you're going to look for the taproot, and you get to the root of it, like the scripture says, the axe is laid at the root.

Jesus came to kill the root of sin in us. Amen. Not just cut off branches. He wants the tree dead. He wants to put it, because make a tree good, and its root will be good. A bad tree cannot bear good fruit, and a good tree cannot bear bad fruit.

This requires something from us. It requires commitment, and it requires faith. We must believe that this life is possible. We must stop comforting ourselves by everyone does it, nobody's perfect. Stop that.

Our example is Jesus Christ. Not other people. We are to live like him, walk like him. We are to be imitators of the Lord Jesus Christ. And there was no sin found in his mouth. No deceit at all. So we have to take the same decisive action with these things, like we do when we're getting ready for a nursery.

When we know there's going to be children in a room, what do we do? We go to the room. What are we looking for? Things that they could hurt themselves on. We start removing things that may injure them, because they don't think like us.

We look out for them in advance and remove the things that are harmful. That's how we should treat our hearts. Get rid of all the harmful things. Get rid of them. All the attitude, bitterness, rage, anger, clamor, slander, all these things.

Get rid of them. And here's the difficult part. And so some of you may already be ahead of me in your thoughts. Because there's a verse in the Bible, and we like to quote this when it comes time to helping ourselves feel better about our lack of control of our speech.

Well, pastor, no man can tame the tongue. No man can tame the tongue after all. No. But we're not just a man without help, are we? But that is not true. Man can control the tongue. I'm just quoting James, but here's what we have.

We have the Spirit of the Living God dwelling in us. And this is what Brother Joe said, and he was right on track. How do we do this? We have to follow the Spirit. And this Holy Spirit is called the perikale, or the One who's called beside us.

The Holy Spirit and the Way of Escape

The Holy Spirit for each one of us is like our own personal attorney. He's God's attorney to represent you before God. And in every situation, if you will listen, if you will choose words, the devil will offer you some.

Maybe your own mind and history and family history will offer you some. You'll remember what grandpa used to do, or you'll remember what your mom did, or you'll remember what your dad did. And so those words will be there, but the Holy Spirit will offer you a whole set of words from above, pure, peaceful, considerate, full of mercy and good fruit.

And he'll offer them for you to choose them. And he'll guide you into the way of truth. You're under temptation, you're wrestling, and you're about to say what you don't want to say. And the Holy Spirit will show you here.

Here's the way of escape. Choose these words. And this is how we can. Because God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of self-control. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can do this.

This is what it says in Romans chapter 8. Romans chapter 8, verse 13. If we live by the flesh, or we live according to the flesh, we will die. But if by the Spirit you put to death the practices of the body, you will live.

This is good news. This means that even if our practice has been saying the wrong things when we don't feel the right way, the Holy Spirit will literally help us put those old practices to death. Amen.

That's good news. Yes. And that's our goal. We want those old practices put to death. And then you know what that makes us? If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things pass away and all things become new.

By the power of the Holy Spirit in us, putting to death the old and guiding us into all truth. It's fascinating. And this is why Paul said, he goes on to say in Ephesians, and do not grieve the Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

See, what is natural to us, the wrong things because of how sin has affected us, the wrong things are natural to us. But you know what's natural to the Holy Spirit? Kindness is natural to the Holy Spirit.

Truth is natural to the Holy Spirit. Patience is natural to the Holy Spirit. So we will walk in the Spirit. His nature will re-naturalize us. It will change us into His nature. And people can experience God's nature through us by the Holy Spirit's work.

But we must not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Grieving the Holy Spirit is like trying to water the grass when there's a kink in the hose. You ever, you know, you're watering the grass, especially now, we need water on this grass.

And you pull on the hose to go a little bit further, and suddenly this nice flow coming out just starts. And what happened? I mean, how many of you go back to the faucet? You know what to look for. You know that somewhere the hose has folded over, and now the flow has been obstructed.

So you go back to the place where the obstruction is. You straighten it out. And what happened? The water just flows. That's why we don't grieve the Holy Spirit. The flow of the Holy Spirit is to bring God's life, and joy, and peace, and wisdom, and counsel to us.

And if we're not careful, we'll grieve the Spirit, quench the Spirit. And suddenly the flow is stopped. And then we're left trying to put out this emotional fire with this little trickle of our water.

No, be careful. Don't grieve the Holy Spirit. And when people grieve the Holy Spirit for a long time, I can give you another example. So many of these spiritual things have a natural parallel. How many of you remember what it's like when you sat on your leg wrong, and you didn't even realize it, but while you were sitting there, your leg went to sleep?

Then you stand up. You got this log, and it won't do anything. And it's all numb. And what has happened? It's not that there's not blood in your body. It's that you restricted the flow of blood to those tissues in that area.

And you have to re-get that blood flowing. And suddenly the feeling comes back. The strength comes back. Same thing is true when you grieve the Spirit. You may begin to feel spiritually weak in ways that you don't even recognize.

Because you grieve the Spirit. And you need to do some rubbing. You need to check things out. You need to get that circulation to flow again. And the strength will come back. Yes, if you can. Yeah. Yeah, and you didn't.

And at times, we will make a bad choice. At times, we will yield to temptation. And we'll grieve the Holy Spirit by saying, choosing the wrong words, missing the thought. Almost telling the Spirit, no.

And you know, there's an old song. There's an old song that it used to be sung to an invitation. And the name of the song is Almost Persuaded. We don't sing it too much anymore because it was a thing that, I don't think we've ever sang it since I've been here as a pastor.

But I still remember it. And I love this part of the song. Here's the line I remember. Seems now some soul to say, Go Spirit, go thy way. Some more convenient day on thee I'll call. And you know how I translate for this what I'm talking about now?

In that moment, the Holy Spirit's offering us when we're upset, when we're about, when we're under temptation, we're under a trial, we're under a test. The Holy Spirit's offering us what the Lord would have us say.

And you know what we do? Go away. Leave me alone. I got to get this off my mind. And when that happens, you grieve the Holy Spirit. You quench the Holy Spirit. And you need to restore that. Because without the Spirit's help, we can't do this.

The only way this life is possible is keeping in step with the Holy Spirit, being filled with the Holy Spirit on a continuous basis. When the Holy Spirit and when God himself is grieved for too long a time, bad things happen.

What happens to a limb that loses circulation for a long time? It dies. And when it dies, what do they call that? When a limb begins to die, what color does it turn? Black. And then what sets in? Gangrene.

And you know what, as soon as gangrene starts to happen, when tissue begins to die, you know what the doctors are very concerned about? Sepsis. That word. I told you, I said, don't let any septic word.

That's the Greek word when it says, don't let any unwholesome word. They're septic words. They're words that are designed that will kill your vital organs. If they're allowed to run through your bloodstream.

You must have the filling of the Holy Spirit. Fresh, heaven-sent oxygen for our spiritual life. To keep us strong, sensitive, you know, aware. You don't want to read the Holy Spirit. Let me tell you what the Holy Spirit will never help you do.

What the Holy Spirit Will Not Help Us Say

You want the help of the Spirit, but let me tell you just ahead of time what He's never going to help you to do. The Holy Spirit will never help you rake someone over the coals. What? It's an English expression.

He'll never help you rake someone over the coals. Have you ever heard that? Yeah. What that means, that's like telling a person off. Like if they're cold and you wanted to drag a person through coals, like you just wanted them to be hurt.

He's never going to just let you hurt someone. He'll never help us give someone a piece of our mind. No, you do that on your own. But be careful it's not a septic part of you. Be careful. The Spirit is not going to help you.

And you know what He doesn't do? The Spirit knows not to throw gasoline up on a fire. So the Spirit is never going to add fuel to your anger. He's not going to do that. The Spirit is going to bring water.

The Spirit is going to try to help you calm down, have self-control. So be careful. And the Spirit will help us do, this is what we can count on. The Spirit will help us do what Paul said in verse 32, Ephesians 4, 32.

Not only are we to get rid of all those things we're supposed to get rid of. Bitterness, rage, anger, clamor, slander, malice. He's also going to help us do this. He's going to help and be kind toward one another.

Tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you. I like the first word, especially in the Greek, it's the word prestos. It was a word I discovered they used to describe wine that had mellowed.

When you first bottle wine and it's fermenting, there's a lot of chemical reactions going on. And it's not, those reactions need to settle down for a while so that the flavor can come out later. That's why they set wine on its side and put it away and let it age so it will mellow.

You better be glad that you weren't, I wasn't around preaching when I was a young believer because I was not very mellow. It was, I was pretty intense. Not that I wasn't true, but I was pretty toxic. I mean, pretty concentrated, pretty intense.

I had not mellowed. I'm not sure I mellowed yet, but I'm trying. It's a goal. But this word is pretty special because prestos is translated kindness because it means it's a perfect fit. It's whatever the situation needs.

Sometimes the situation needs a little pressure. Ask a police officer, we have one here. Sometimes you need a little authority. But it needs to be the right amount of authority. Look at what happens now.

You make the national news if you use too much. You're a bus driver. I'm a bus driver. I'm about to be videoed. Every word I say, my facial expressions, everything, I'm on tape. Being recorded. I want, I want the spirit's help.

And if it's, if it's a perfect fit, here's the idea. That's why they, that's why they translated kindness. Because it had a good, it had a good effect, whatever we're doing. And I know that in the book of Acts, what we, we remember, we can read this about those, the believers that were there in Damascus, no, Antioch.

It's, my Berean is about to catch me in a mistake here, but I'll catch myself first. Um, in Antioch, it says that's where the believers were first called Christians, which is Christos, Christos, little Christian.

That's what they think. But I like the Greek commentators that suspect that that's not necessarily accurate. Because in some, in some of the Greek manuscripts, the word is not Christos, it's Krestos, the kind ones.

These are the kind ones. Ooh, isn't that powerful? Oh, the God that everyone out there, everywhere you go, they would associate, you go to this church and you are kind. You carry kindness wherever you go.

Christ's Yoke, Forgiveness, and the Kindness of God

Isn't that what Jesus said? Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart. Um, and he said, my yoke is, it's Krestos. It's perfectly fitting. My yoke is kindness. My yoke is easy.

But I don't know why they translated it easy. That's just the art of translation. I like being able to see it in the original language, because when I saw kindness, I know what the Lord wants me to be.

He wants me to walk and manifest his kindness. That's why Paul said, you be kind toward one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you. And the Holy Spirit, here's where he will come in.

He will literally guide us in how to do that. He will provide you words that are kind. He will provide words that are patient. He will provide you thoughts and words that are forgiving. That's when he'll be there.

He'll guide you into all that truth. And the Holy Spirit may even remind us the cost of what the cost could be to us if we don't forgive others. Remember, we pray this in the Lord's Prayer, and forgive us our debts.

The Holy Spirit may just remind you. And if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father in heaven forgive you. The Holy Spirit may just come alongside you in your heat and remind you, you don't want to hold a grudge.

You want to forgive as the Lord forgave you. And he may even give you beautiful illustrations, beautiful illustrations like this. He may remind you what Jesus took for you when they tied into the whipping post and were ripping his back open and mocking him and spitting at him and driving that crown of thorns into the top of his scalp.

And he was like a lamb before the shearers, silent. He held his peace so he could be the lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world. Well, we want to get rid of sin and problems in people's life.