TLP 21: One Type of Advice to Avoid at All Costs

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People who accept the beauty of God's sovereignty in their lives don't write articles fertilized with bad attitudes about the individuals

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God used to conform them to His image. Welcome to Truth. Love.

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Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. Welcome. I am A .M. Brewster. Truth. Love.

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Parent can now be found on many podcast directories, including iTunes, Blueberry, Stitcher, Google Play Music, Acast, and many more.

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Whatever your favorite provider is, please make sure to rate and review our show, share and comment as much as possible.

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Did you know that doing those things help more people find us? And that's really what we want. We want to share God's Word with as many people as possible.

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Thank you for helping us out with that. Today's discussion is something I like to call failure philosophies.

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We're going to talk about failure philosophies a lot in the upcoming year at different times. You see, a philosophy that doesn't work 100 % of the time, it's not good and you need to get a new one.

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It's a failure philosophy. If it doesn't work all the time, you know at some point it's going to fail. Last year, there was a type of article that was making the rounds and though thankfully its popularity has waned, they're still out there in force and we need to guard ourselves against them.

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You see, the problem starts with everyone loves lists, but there are some lists that should never be made. There's this list style article type that everyone with a keyboard has taken a hack at.

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It's called the blank number of things never to say to a blank. Here's an example of one that I read.

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Nine things never to say to the parents of a newborn. In this particular article, you learn that the number one thing you should never ask a new dad is if he's getting much sleep.

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The third thing you shouldn't ask is how his wife is doing. Now, if I take any cues at all from the author's vitriolic sarcasm,

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I'm led to believe that these are obviously asinine things to ask since, and I quote, she's fantastic.

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She's just pushed a watermelon through the hole the size of an orange. She's never been better. In fact, she might just run a marathon next week on a whim.

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Instead ask, I hope your wife is recovering. Well, what's one thing I can do for you so that you can have a little bit more time to take care of her.

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Unquote. Of course, that advice on number three directly contradicts the number two things the author says we should never say, which is this.

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Let me know if I can do anything for you. Hmm. Is it true that newbie parents could be tempted to be annoyed by immature thoughts?

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Like I just got a puppy. And so now I know what having a baby is like. Well, definitely that you could be, you know, tempted to be annoyed by that.

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And ridiculously unsanctified questions like is having a baby worth all you give up for it should never be uttered by anyone who desires to glorify

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God with his life. But here's the problem. There are two types of people in the world, those doing the saying and those doing the hearing.

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Unfortunately, it's not the sayers who are writing articles like the one we're talking about. It's the hearers.

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This is uniquely problematic because everything that anyone might say to me that I don't like becomes fodder for such an article, even if what they're saying is good and I'm just in a bad mood.

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I'm feeling unsanctified right now. Someone say something I don't like so I can write a new list. I know it's really easy to rally around articles like what not to say to a miscarriage survivor or 13 things never to say to a mother.

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But let's be honest, most of these articles have very little to do with God's truth. We rally around them generally because we put ourselves into the hearers shoes and we acknowledge that it wouldn't feel good to hear those things said.

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We don't stop to gauge the response we're supposed to have in light of God's Word and we definitely don't give the sayer the benefit of the doubt.

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As an example of this, I'd love to see how most parents would feel about an article written by a child entitled 12 things never to say to your daughter about her junior high boyfriend.

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How do you think most adults would react to an article from a convicted felon entitled six things prison guards should never say to rowdy inmates?

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Wouldn't it be great to see how many bosses would share an article called 23 things never to say to your unproductive employees?

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Do you see the issue I'm trying to point out here? Do you see the failure philosophy? My mom always told me it doesn't matter what anyone says and it doesn't matter what anyone does.

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You're responsible to God for your own reactions. Most of these articles are not written because the advice in them will greatly help anyone spiritually.

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They're written because the author is sick of hearing the things that were supposedly never to say, whether they should be said or not.

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I enjoy these articles much more when the authors don't have ulterior motives in writing it and their observations are biblically informed.

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Normally the only people who write articles like that are writing from the perspective of the sayers, things that, you know, we need to be careful not to say to someone who's hurting.

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Otherwise, most of the stuff that we're not supposed to say are actually innocuous or, worse yet, very necessary, potentially

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Christ -honoring things, but the author slash hearer is just not in the mood to hear it. Crankiness and oversensitivity are never going to help the sayers or the hearers.

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So for those of you who want to take back the Bible and apply it to every situation we encounter in life,

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I want you to consider Paul Tripp's words in his amazing book, War of Words. He just finished about three and a half hours of being verbally eviscerated by two people who definitely were saying, quote -unquote, a bunch of things you should never say to a pastor when he wrote this.

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Quote, I don't know when I have felt so wronged or so wounded. I told

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Luella that I didn't want to quit the ministry. I wanted to die. I called my brother Ted, wanting him to address my wounds.

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I wanted him to tell me what a good guy I was and how I didn't have to listen to this awful couple. But he told me just the opposite.

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Ted said, pay careful attention, Paul. God had you in that room for a reason.

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Whatever evil they meant is not nearly as important as the good that God is trying to do in all of this.

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The people in my life are not there by accident. They too are instruments in the hands of my

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Redeemer. Through them he continues the work he has begun in me. Unquote. You see, people who accept the beauty of God's sovereignty in their lives don't write articles or make comments fertilized with bad attitudes about the people that God is using to conform them to his image.

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They encourage each other to love and good works. Are there things we definitely should never say because they don't glorify

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God? Amen and amen. But consider your motivation the next time you start compiling such a list.

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Your first priority should be to check your own heart. We'd love for you to join us on Friday to learn five ways we take

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God's job. And as always, if you'd like some help with your family situation, we have counselors.

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Just an email away at counselors at evermindministries .com. And if you'd really like to avoid reading and listening to failure philosophies like what we discussed today,

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I encourage you to like and follow TLP on Facebook and at AM Brewster on Twitter.

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We do our absolute best to provide you a solid Christ honoring biblical truth. And God's philosophy is the only one that works 100 % of the time.

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And obviously, please don't forget to rate and review the show, share and comment on our shows at every opportunity you get.

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It's really easy to do in whatever app or website you use. May God bless your family as you seek to parent in the light of his word today.

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Truth, love, parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.