When the Wounds of a Friend Don't Seem to Be Faithful — Carter Conlon

This message is one of the Times Square Church pulpit series. It was recorded in the sanctuary of Times Square Church in Manhattan, New York City. Other tapes are available by writing World Challenge, P .O. Box 260, Lindell, Texas, 75771, or calling 903 -963 -8626.

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Jesus’ Mission to the Poor, Brokenhearted, and Captive

Luke chapter 4, let me just read you something. I'm not preaching from Luke chapter 4 today. But it's that famous chapter where Jesus stood in the synagogue and took the scriptures of the prophet Isaiah and began to read and declare the intent of his ministry among those that were hearing him.

And he said, The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor. Now, the poor, by virtue of that statement, would be those who knew that in themselves they had insufficient resource as it is to finish the journey.

It doesn't mean necessarily just the physically poor, but those who knew they needed a savior. They were genuinely humbled before God. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted and to preach deliverance to the captives and the recovering of sight to the blind and to set at liberty them that are bruised.

To preach the acceptable year of the Lord. In other words, Jesus said, now, this is the time of God's favor. It was an incredible declaration because the people in that synagogue knew that these scriptures could only be fulfilled by the Messiah.

That's why, of course, the rage when he stood up and said, this day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears. I want to make a proclamation before I preach today because I know that in this sanctuary there are people.

And all these five things apply to you and you're going to see them in this message today. You don't have within you the resources to finish the journey. You are quite well aware of it this morning. Some things have come into your life that have overwhelmed you.

The Holy Spirit has so clearly spoken this to my heart throughout this week. And this day is a day of good tidings for you because by virtue of the admission you can't finish the journey. You have now opened your heart to the work of God.

God can now come and do what only God can do. He's come to heal the brokenhearted. There are people here today who have been wounded. Your heart has been broken. It's been so crushed and so hard that only Almighty God himself could ever make a difference in your life now.

Because of it you've been captivated by memories of the past. You've been captivated by your circumstance or your betrayal, whatever it might be. But the second thing he said I came to do was to preach deliverance to the captives and the recovering of sight to the blind.

The Holy Spirit says, now I'm going to open your eyes if you'll let me. And I'm going to show you something that you may not have seen for a long time that applies to you. And to set at liberty those that are bruised.

To open the door of that prison, that place of sometimes just where self loves to wallow in pity and where perhaps the enemy likes to keep even the people of God in captivity. And Jesus said, I'm going to open the door and I'm going to set you free.

And today, this day, this scripture is going to be fulfilled in your ears. My message this morning is entitled, When the Wounds of a Friend Don't Seem to be Faithful. When the Wounds of a Friend Don't Seem to be Faithful.

Prayer for Grace, Freedom, and New Vision

Almighty God, I come before your throne this day and I cast myself as well as everyone in this sanctuary upon your grace and your mercy. I need grace to understand and I need grace to speak and we need grace to hear.

And we acknowledge today that your kingdom is a kingdom of grace. We haven't earned, we don't deserve the favor that you have given to us. We only stand as poor and we say, Lord, we don't have, apart from you, the resources to finish our journey.

We don't have within ourselves the power to overcome the opposition and disappointments that come into all of our lives. And Jesus, I'm asking today, God, that by the power of that grace, that you would anoint me and quicken me, that you would make alive your word, that you would take stories that you've spoken and words that you have penned in the scriptures and make them come absolutely alive.

I have no desire to impress anyone. All I desire, Lord, is to see your kingdom advance. I want to see you glorified in your church and understood among your people. Mighty God, show yourself powerful.

Lord, you will do everything you said you would do. And this day, before even turning to the word, we have an anticipation that, God, there is going to be a shout of genuine freedom. There's going to be new vision and hope.

God, you're going to release from prisons of loneliness and despair many who have been captivated. You're going to set free. You're going to touch and liberate in this house. And I thank you for it with all my heart.

Lord, this is all about you, and it can only happen by your power. No persuasion of man could ever make this happen. No clever arguments could ever procure freedom that can only come by the spirit of God.

Lord, we are all cast upon you today. We are all as it is cast upon the shores of your love and your grace. And we ask you, God, to come and do miracles in us. Let your kingdom come in great power. And we acknowledge with all the saints of old that yours is the only kingdom, the only power, the only glory.

It all belongs to you, Lord. We are all in need of great grace. And we thank you, Lord God. There is an abundant and never-ending supply. You're going to open our eyes to it. You're going to show it to us.

You're going to break the chains of captivity. I believe it with all my heart. And I thank you for it in Jesus' mighty name. When the wounds of a friend don't seem to be faithful. Now, the book of Proverbs in chapter 27, verse 6, tells us that faithful are the wounds of a friend.

Faithful Wounds That Turn Us from Sin

Now, there are seasons and times where we can be wounded. But the wounds that we receive into our lives are given to us by God's grace through faithful friendship. The word faithful in the original text means to be trusted, to endure, or a reliable friend.

The word friend means one who loves, as a parent to a child, a husband to a wife, or the close ties of friendship. For example, I'll give you an example of what I'm speaking about. A man may come to you someday, or a woman, and speak something to you, who sees you falling into the sin of pride.

Now, what he speaks to you may wound your new self-image. But the intent of his speaking is not to destroy you, but to cause you to reconsider the maintaining of a self-image that will ultimately cause you to be at enmity or opposed to God.

Remember James chapter 4, verse 6, the Lord says, God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. If pride is getting into your heart, and I was your friend, and I truly love you, the Holy Spirit may use me to speak a word into your life that will wound you.

But it's a faithful wound. It's a wound that is intended by God to cause you to turn from sin, or to attitudes, or lifestyle. Something that's getting a hold of your heart that is going to set you at enmity against God Almighty Himself.

I thank God in my life for the wounds that I've received from faithful friends over the years. Yes, my pride trying to rise up has been wounded by faithful friends. Attitudes, ambitions, issues of the heart, places I've attempted to go.

I've had faithful friends come and sit or stand with me and talk and begin to point out issues in my heart that I was not aware of. And sometimes it's difficult to hear these things, but by God's grace, He has given me the ability over the years to walk humbly before Him as He has enabled me to do that.

And to show me the issues of my heart. And I do thank God. I could go into specifics, but I don't have time this morning. But there have been some wounds that have been given to me by some very, very faithful friends.

And beloved, I believe that only eternity is going to reveal the lives of those who have been kept by a word that has been skillfully placed in season. Skillfully spoken. Like a master surgeon, the Holy Ghost will use somebody to come and carve away a cancer as it is.

It's trying to attach itself to my spiritual life. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. But the Bible tells us that there are other kinds of wounds that we can receive in our walk with Christ, for often which the explanations are difficult.

David’s Wounds and the Temptation to Flee

And wounds from which some people, who without God's intervention directly into their lives, will never recover. Now, David, the psalmist, if you'll turn with me to Psalm 55, he speaks about such a wound that was brought into his life.

And what it had done to him for a season. Psalm 55, verse 4, David said, My heart is sore pain within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness, verse 5, and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.

And I said, O that I had wings like a dove, for then would I fly away and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off and remain in the wilderness. Now, David was making a statement I believe that is common to all of humanity.

David said, I've been wounded. And the wound that I've received is an unrighteous wound that's come into my life. And if I could, I would run and hide, and I would never come back to be wounded like this again.

David said, I would go off and I would remain in the wilderness. I'd give up on the plan of God. Now, you have to understand, this is written by a man whose life has been spoken into by the Holy Spirit.

He's been anointed with oil. He's been set apart by God, and he fully well knows it. But into his life has come a wounding. And it's not the wounding of faithfulness. It is an unfaithful wounding, although God ultimately can use it as well for his own purposes.

David said, it's so wounded me, I want to hide. And beloved, listen to me. Even in this house today, there are people that have received wounds in your life. They've been unrighteous wounds, and they've caused you to do exactly this.

You've made a vow as it is. Never again, never again will I let anybody get that close to my life. Never again will I trust. Never again will I be put into that position. And by virtue of that vow, in a sense, you've locked yourself out of something that God wants to do in your life.

You've put yourself in a self-imposed prison. Because if you want to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ, beloved, wounding is part of the walk. You've got to come out of that place of exile as it is, and come back into the will of God, and say, God, I believe that all things that you allow and come into my life, whether it's righteous or unrighteous, works together for a purpose.

You are doing something in my life. Lord, you said you came to set me free, so I come to meet you today face to face. And I'm asking you to take me out of this place in the wilderness that I've been in for so many years.

A self-imposed exile as it is, from ever experiencing pain again. And ironically, that self-imposed exile is one of the most painful places that you could ever be in. It's no escape from pain. It's deeper pain.

It's a place of wounding. It's a place of separation. It's a place of being cut off from the deepest grace of God as it is that he wants to give into your life. Now, what caused David to say this? What caused David to run in such a manner?

What causes so many of God's people, even in his house, to be found in places? And I've heard it. I know the pastors on this platform have heard it over and over again in counseling sessions. The same words.

Never again. Never again will I trust. Never again will I be put in that position by virtue of that statement. Persons are identifying that in reality they are in a prison. Their eyes are shut to the grace of God.

They're not even aware of times of where they are. David says in verse 12, here's the source of this kind of a wounding that can happen even in God's house. David said, it was not an enemy that reproached me.

Then I could have borne it. David says, let the Philistines say to me whatever they want. Let Goliath tell the world what he's going to do with my carcass as it is after he's slain me. That doesn't bother me at all.

David said, it wasn't an enemy. Nor was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me. Then I would have hid myself from him. But it was thou, a man my equal, my guide and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together and walked into the house of God in company.

And David says basically this. And this is the testimony of many, many people today. And it's simply this. I trusted and my trust was betrayed. I trusted. I became vulnerable in the relationship. Irrespective of what type of relationship it was.

In or outside of the house or the kingdom of God. I became vulnerable and my vulnerability was betrayed. The psalmist says in Psalm 77 verse 2. My sore or my pain ran in the night and ceased not. And my soul refused to be comforted.

There was a pain that came into my life that day and night was always there. The memory never went away. As hard and far as I tried to run from it, it was always there. And every time it seems that I tried to get close to God, that thing would come back again.

And that's what happens with many people. They say, Lord, oh, I want to get back again. I want to walk with you the way I used to walk with you. And they come to the altar and they close their eyes and raise their hands.

And there's that circumstance. Fifteen years ago sometimes. Twenty years ago. There it is again. And in their heart there's a cry. They say, God, oh yeah, I'll live for you. I'll serve you. But never again.

And God says, no, that's not the way it's going to work. If you're going to live for me, there's got to be a healing come into your life. There's got to be wholeness. And you've got to begin to believe that I can open your eyes to something that you may not have been aware of for a long, long time now.

Broken Trust and the Wounds of Relationships

Now, most people are wounded when a trust is broken. It's a trust over which they seemingly have no control. Now, not a casual trust. There are casual trusts that can be broken that don't affect me at all.

I trust that if I'm crossing the road and a police officer is directing traffic, that he's going to stop the oncoming cars so that I'll not be in peril. But if that trust should be broken and I've had a near miss, I can live with that.

Assumedly, if the car didn't hit me, that is, I could live with it. For example, if you go out on the street today and someone meets you and says an unkind word to you, that happens in New York City all the time, doesn't it?

It's a person you've never met before. And they say, you're thus and thus and thus. And it's an unkind thing that they say to your heart. You just look at him and say, I wonder what his or her problem is.

And just keep on walking. It doesn't affect you at all. But go home today and have the same word spoken to your heart from someone you've learned to love and trust. And then that's a different story altogether.

You see, when a love and a trust and a vulnerability is in your heart, in relationship, and then that is betrayed, that's where this kind of a wounding quite often gets into your heart. And that's where this festering wound as it is, that refuses to be comforted, stops many wonderful saints of God from their growth in His kingdom.

Hagar, Abraham, and Man-Made Attempts to Fulfill God’s Promise

If you'll go with me in the Old Testament to the book of Genesis, please, chapter 16. I want to speak for a couple of moments about a lady that was in a situation something like this. Now, her name was Hagar.

I'm only assuming that she had a servant's heart because she was a woman who was Sarah's handmaid. She was an Egyptian. And you know that God made a promise to Abraham, that promise that he would be given a seed, and through the seed he would be blessed, and through that seed the whole world would be blessed.

It was an incredible promise that was given to Abraham. Abraham's wife, Sarah, was unable to conceive. And so she came up with an idea. I have a handmaid. She's an Egyptian. You take her to be your wife as well.

And she will bear a child, and that child will be as if it was mine. Now, there were cultural laws in those days that made that acceptable. This child will be born as it is upon my knees, and this child will be mine.

And this will be the fulfillment of the promise that God made to us. Now, we know from study that that is essentially man's effort to try to make God's promises come, to try to give God a hand as if he needs a hand to make his promises come to pass.

But into this place of, really, it's unbelief on Abraham's part and Sarah's part, enters this servant woman, Hagar, and she's talked into a confidence, or taken into a confidence, and I feel undoubtedly told that she was going to play a very important part in a great plan of God to bless Abraham's family and ultimately to bless the whole world.

Now, the Scripture tells us that Genesis chapter 16, Now Sarah, Abraham's wife, bear unto him no children. And she had a handmaid that was an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarah said to Abraham, Behold now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing, I pray thee, go into my maid.

It may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abraham hearkened to the voice of Sarah. And Sarah, Abraham's wife, took Hagar, her maid, the Egyptian, after Abraham had dwelt in the land of Canaan and gave her to her husband, Abraham, to be his wife.

Now, you have to understand that there was a relationship, a husband-wife relationship involved here. And he went into Hagar and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.

Now, Genesis again, chapter 16, verse 7. The Bible tells us that she fled because she had some early misgivings, I believe, about even her own security in this relationship. In Genesis 16, 7 says, The angel of the Lord found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by a fountain in the way to shore.

And he said to Hagar, Sarah's maid, whence comest thou? Now, she's by a fountain of water. Now, that's significant. You're going to understand that. Just mark that in your spirit, if you will. And where are you going?

And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarah. And the angel of the Lord said unto her, return to thy mistress and submit thyself unto her hands. The angel of the Lord said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, and it shall not be numbered for multitude.

And the angel of the Lord said unto her, behold, thou art with child, and shall bear a son, and shall call his name Ishmael, because the Lord has heard thy affliction. Now, the word Ishmael, the name Israel, means God hears.

God said, you are going to have a child, and you're going to call his name God hears, because I have seen your affliction. Now, it's only my interpretation, and so you have to take that for what it's worth.

But as I read the Scripture, I can't help but feel that Abraham had spoken something into Hagar's life that he shouldn't have. It perhaps made her feel like her involvement in the fulfillment of the promise was greater than it actually was.

I'll explain that. Sarah, all she wanted Hagar for was to have a child, because she considered the promise, the fulfillment, was going to come through Abraham and Sarah. And so she spoke to Hagar. Hagar becomes Abraham's wife, and he went into her, she conceived.

And then Sarah says to Abraham later on when she found out that the moment Hagar found out she was going to have a child, she despised Sarah because she knew that child was going to be Sarah's and not her own.

Now, we take a look at it. If she was honestly dealt with in this relationship, if she honestly knew that's what her purpose was, then why the despising? And Sarah said to Abraham when she found out, she basically said, The Lord judge, in chapter 16, verse 5, and Sarah said to Abraham, My wrong be upon thee.

I have given my maiden to thy bosom, and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes. The Lord judge between me and thee. And actually the other translations say it this way. Sarah said to Abraham, The Lord judge you for the wrong that you have done to me.

Abraham, I feel that Sarah was saying to Abraham, Abraham, you have made her more. You have sown into her heart more than she was intended to be. You have spoken something to this woman. And Sarah said, The Lord forgive you, as if Abraham had done a wrong for what you have done.

Because the moment she was with child, she began to despise me. Which means there's a strong indication here that Hagar was made to trust in something that was not to be. Perhaps a promise was spoken to her that was not going to be fulfilled in her life.

And so she ran away into the wilderness. Bewildered. Perhaps a little bit confused about what was really going on in her own life. And the Lord spoke to her and said, Now go back and submit yourself to your mistress.

And I have seen your affliction, Hagar. I see your confusion. I understand that maybe some things were promised to you that are not going to be fulfilled in your life. But you're going to have a child.

There's a seed in you. And I'm going to give that child a name. Which is speaking something into Hagar's life that she may not be aware of at this point in her life. But that name is God hears. Hagar, I see your affliction.

And I hear. And I'm going to do more than just hear. You're going to understand this not too far down the road. And we see Ishmael now, this child that is birthed in the womb of the Egyptian servant Hagar.

You see, this child now is Hagar's hope. Ishmael. I can see Hagar saying, this is God's purpose now for my life. Ishmael, through whom the blessing is going to come. For my master's, my husband's house as it is.

And for all these future generations. The promise of God is going to come through my womb as it is. Ishmael is my part that I'm going to play towards the hope and the future of others. Ishmael is the fruit of my trust in those that I find in authority over my life.

I have to trust you God for the situation that I'm in right now. Even if I don't fully understand it. That somehow through this seed that's been conceived within me, there's going to be life. I don't understand it, but this is my trust.

Ishmael, Hagar would say, this is my personal hope and my dreams. This is what I'm hoping to look back on with gratitude and satisfaction in my old age. Saying, this was my part. It was given to me in a great plan, which I've been promised that I would be part of.

Oh, beloved. That's in everyone's heart. That's in your heart. That's in my heart. We all have the need to be part of something larger than ourselves. And especially in the kingdom of God. There's something that God has planted in our hearts.

Hagar could say, I was needed. I responded. I was told that I could meet the need and satisfy the longing of those that I trusted. I was valuable. I can see Hagar, because the Bible tells us when Ishmael was 13 years old, both he and Abraham were circumcised along with the other males in Abraham's household.

And that circumcision meant that they were set apart for God. And the promises and power of God was going to come through that lineage. It had been 13 years she's holding that promise. And how she must have felt in her heart seeing that covenant circumcision that happened.

Knowing that she had contributed. Knowing that she was valuable. Feeling like she was playing an integral part in something much greater than herself. Until one day, with little warning, the bond of that trust was broken.

Betrayal, Vulnerability, and the Fear of Trusting Again

I can't help but think as I was preparing this message of the wife or the husband who comes home to read the note left on the table that says there's no longer any place for you in my life. I've never had to go through that, but I can only imagine the wounding.

I can only imagine the scar that must come into the heart. I can only imagine the vows that are made. New vows. Not wedding vows anymore, but a new vow that says never again. Never again will I be this vulnerable to another person on this earth.

I think about the person who trusted or entrusted his or her love to someone only to be put away when someone else came along. That's got to be how Hagar must have felt. All these years of yielding myself and giving myself to something that I was told I was meeting a need.

I was told that I was filling a void that nobody else could fill. Told I'm in the right place at the right time and through my life is going to come great promises, great fulfillment. And all of a sudden someone else has come along and I'm not expendable.

I can't help but think of the child who hears criticism so deep that he wants to flee or comes home to be made to feel that both he and his family are worthless and expendable. I've never experienced the pain of a father walking out the door, a mother walking out the door.

I can only begin to understand what that is all about. The betrayal. The wounding that is not righteous. It's not faithful. And the vows that become because of that wounding. Never again will I be placed in that situation of vulnerability.

Men’s Plans, Visions, and Spiritual Disillusionment

I couldn't help but think about the house of God as well. Over so many years, so many people have given their trust to men's plans and men's visions. They turned on the television. They were lonely and somebody on the television said, You and I are integral partners in reaching perhaps a certain section of society or a certain part of the world.

That's always the key word. I need you. You're useful. This is your time to get involved. And so they committed themselves to some type of a work, some type of a plan. Only to find that the plan and vision came to nothing.

And they're left to recover and to find their own way. And even in the house of God there are people who say, Never again. Never again will I trust spiritual leadership. Never again will I trust the plans, visions and directions of any man or woman in the house of God.

I've been burnt once too often. Never again. I'm going to go to church, but in my heart I'm going to live in the wilderness. And I'm never coming back to that place of vulnerability again to fall for somebody's statement that only through my life can the need be met.

Hagar Cast into the Wilderness

Genesis, now in chapter 21, if you'll go there with me. Genesis 21, 14. Abraham rose up early in the morning and took bread and a bottle of water and gave it to Hagar, putting it on her shoulder and the child and sent her away.

And she departed and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba. Beersheba is a place where Abraham later on had a covenant contract with another tribal leader, another king, where he had legal water rights.

Think about that for a moment because we're going to get back there again. And here is Hagar wandering around in this wilderness where Abraham will eventually possess water rights. But she herself is dying of thirst.

Chapter 21, verse 15, the scripture tells us the water was spent in the bottle and she cast the child under one of the shrubs. Hagar was brought to a place where that which had been given to her by another was exhausted.

And folks, if we are living off of somebody else's revelation, that's exactly what's going to happen. If we're only living because somebody else is telling us what our part and purpose is, whether it be in life in general or in the family of God, irrespective of which place, if all we are getting is our direction from somebody else, there's going to come a time when that is going to run out.

It's not sufficient. We can't live our lives based on somebody else's vision. And I dread for the church today, for so many people, that's how they're living. They don't even have a reason to be in the kingdom of God.

They're following some man's vision somewhere. As far as that may take you, it will eventually leave you in the wilderness and you will be exhausted. You can't live that way. That's not the way the Christian life was intended to be lived.

God had another purpose and another plan for your life. And you're going to see that in a moment. She took her son, the son of promise, the son that was her hope, the son that had been born to her so long ago, the son that was cherished, and she cast him under a shrub.

Now, the word for shrub in the Hebrew text means a shoot or like a small word that had gone forth. All of a sudden, the promise that had been given many years ago was a dim hope. And in this wilderness, it's like the Christian who's received something from God for his life.

And all of a sudden, in this wilderness where there's no more water, it's like that promise of what my destiny is, of what God's purpose for my life is, is so small, I just take it and I cast it under a dim hope.

I throw it away. And then she ran away into another place because she couldn't watch it die. She couldn't bear to hear the moans and the groans. You know, folks, you can run all your life for a purpose.

God wanted you for something very specific that he had ordained for you from before the woundings come into your life. And yes, you'll want to run away into another place and say, it could never happen.

And many, many, many today are doing that very same thing even in the house of God. They're trying to run their greatest fear. And the greatest fear they have is that all hope is lost. Promises for my life will never become a reality.

That was 15 years ago that God spoke that thing into my heart. And I just don't believe anymore that it'll ever happen. I can't trust. I have no power to get out of this prison. Wounded all the way along.

When I did reach out and trust, it was betrayed. Never become what God has destined my life to be. Sorry, I'll take this and throw it under a shrub and I'll run and I'll die in another place. I'll answer every altar call in Times Square Church.

But I will not believe in my heart that God will ever fulfill his promise to my life. Hagar would say, God, your promise is such a distant memory. It's such a faint hope in the light of my present situation.

And there are many, many sitting here today who are just like that because of woundings that came into your life. And as I'm speaking now, the promises that God made to you, especially those when you first came to Christ, are all coming back to you.

But then you think of the times you reached out and you trusted and you thought maybe this was the way. And all that came into your heart were woundings and betrayals. Some were righteous and others were unrighteous.

And it left you in a place of casting your hope. And the word of God, which should be all encompassing and over covering as it is your present and your future, is now just a little shrub in the wilderness.

And you take what was once your hope and cast it under that shrub. Now in verse 16, in Genesis 21, she went and sat down over against him a good way off as it were a bow shot. And she said, let me not see the death of the child.

And she sat over against him and lifted up her voice and wept. And God heard the voice of the lad and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven and said to her, What aileth thee, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is.

Hagar, when you set out to give yourself and you wanted me so long ago, you may have forgotten, but I haven't. God says, I heard you and I gave you a child of promise. And do you remember what his name is?

His name is God hears. That's an incredible thing when you begin to think about it. Let me just read to you a scripture. God hears, Hagar. This is the name of my promise to you. Here's what the Lord would say to you today.