TLP 265: Immediate Consequences

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We need to take an appropriate amount of time to understand the problem and formulate a

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Christ -honoring response. Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents.

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Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host,

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A .M. Brewster. I hope the Children in Shame series we just finished was a huge help to you in your parenting.

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If you didn't hear it, please check it out, and if you did and it was a blessing to you, Team TLP and I would love to hear about it.

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Feel free to leave us an iTunes review, or a Facebook recommendation, or just send us an email to teamtlp at truthloveparent .com.

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Either way, we'd love to hear how the Lord is working in your family. Recently Mindy gave

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TLP a shout -out on Facebook, and it was such a huge blessing to us, but we have so much more for which to thank

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Scott and Mindy than just a Facebook shout -out, because today's episode was made possible by them. They are two of our patrons, and we wouldn't be able to do much of anything without the faithful, supportive listeners like you.

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I encourage you to click on the 5 ways to support TLP link in the description of this episode so you can learn how you can potentially join this amazing team of patrons, or just simply learn how easy it is to sponsor an episode.

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So thank you, Scott and Mindy, for loving God, and thank you for loving our families enough to give to make these resources possible.

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Okay, so today we're talking about consequences and asking whether or not we should drag our feet when handling them, or if we should just jump at the opportunity.

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But our discussion is not going to deal too much with the kinds of consequences we give, or how to give those consequences.

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I recommend you listen to a couple other episodes to help fill out your biblical understanding concerning those concepts.

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For example, number one, episode 31 asks the question, should I ever ignore my child,

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Sam? That episode definitely overlaps with our discussion today, but also clears up an often misunderstood biblical passage.

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Number two, episode 74 deals with spare the rod, punishment versus correction.

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That show tries to formulate a biblical understanding of consequences and discipline. And number three, episode 89 talks about discipline that softens the heart.

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That episode investigates the discipline that doesn't push our kids away, but it creates an atmosphere of reconciliation.

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We can say this for sure. To be a godly ambassador parent, we need to give consequences, both painful and enjoyable.

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That's Bible. But like I said, today we're focusing on the timing of our consequences, not so much the consequences themselves or how we do it.

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So let's set the stage. Your child colors on the wall. They lie to you.

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They take something that doesn't belong to them. They refuse to go to bed. They sneak out of the house. They passively, aggressively defy you at every turn.

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Maybe they punch a hole in the wall. All of those scenarios sound so different. Each of them is as unique as the individuals listening to the sound of my voice today.

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And what complicates it even more is that every child is different. And so an argument could definitely be made that it's possible to set a hard, fast standard because wisdom dictates that the right consequences should be applied in the right situation and that figuring out that best choice might be faster in some situations and take longer in others.

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So let me lay out a couple considerations before I present the scripture into which I want to dig. Number one,

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Proverbs 18, 13 tells us that if one gives an answer before he hears, it is a folly and shame.

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Please understand that all of my counsel today assumes that we have taken our time to truly know the issue as well as what

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God says about the issue. I'm not advocating for any kind of reactionary parenting or parenting that conveniently ignores the issue to quote unquote keep peace in the house.

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My advice today is going to deal with situations where we've taken all the time necessary to discover the heart problem so we can parent the fruit, the root, and the truth like we discussed in the speed parenting series.

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But I can also say that the more we parent, the faster we can respond to frequent offenders. Let's be honest, most of the times our kids sin these days, it's not the first time they did it or said it.

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Number two, consequences are part of the interpretation or reproof stage of parenting. This assumes that we've already taught our kids what is right and wrong and that our children have chosen to live contrary to God's revealed will.

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Remember, just as it's inappropriate to use shame in situations where our kids didn't know the truth, it's equally inappropriate to use disciplinary consequences if our kids legitimately didn't know a certain behavior was a sin in the first place.

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All right, now let's turn our attention to Ecclesiastes 8, verses 10 through 13. Then I saw the wicked buried.

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Hmm. Solomon starts with an observation that these wicked people have received the ultimate consequence of their sin.

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Because all men are sinners, it's appointed unto men once to die and then the judgment. And in the case of the wicked, that judgment results in an eternal second death.

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So how did the wicked get there? Solomon's about to tell us. They used to go in and out of the holy place and were praised in the city where they had done such things.

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This also is vanity. Though these men were wicked in death, many people thought they were righteous in life.

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Listen, if you've never listened to the 4 Children's series, you really should. The episodes about the rocky and thorny -hearted children are so important because these kids are completely unsaved, but they don't realize it.

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They think they're born again. Often people around them will even think that they're born again too, and that makes it even more dangerous.

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I believe the individuals being described here in this verse in Ecclesiastes were rocky -hearted people. They and many others believed that they had a righteous relationship with God, but they did not.

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Then they died and faced the judgment. This teaches us that mere righteous -looking behavior is not an indication of a truly righteous heart.

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The phrase at the end of the verse, this also is vanity, is used all throughout Ecclesiastes and communicates that their lives were worthless and empty regardless of what people thought.

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We discussed how to not parent in vain in episode 224. That's a very encouraging episode that builds on this idea as well.

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So, Solomon has introduced us to a group of people who have received the condemnation of their life choices, even though they had a superficially righteous lifestyle.

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And then Solomon gives us a very interesting understanding of how they got to this place. Solomon's working backward through time from their death to their youth.

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Now before I read this life -changing verse, I want to remind you to download our free episode notes at TruthLoveParent .com

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so you can check out the verses that we cite today and an outline of the discussion. They'll be very helpful in truly grasping the depth of this next verse.

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Okay, so listen to what Solomon says in verse 11. This is outstanding. "'Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil.'"

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Did you catch that? The word sentence here refers to a decree or an edict or as relating to illegal sentencing and carries with it the idea that the person's sentence also received the consequences of his choices.

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"'Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil.'"

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Wow. We could also put it this way. "'The heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily.'"

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Let's reword this just one more time. This is so important. Here we go. "'Our children's hearts will become more and more set on evil if we do not deal with their sin speedily.'"

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Wow. And then Solomon finishes the thought by saying this, quote, "'Though a sinner does evil a hundred times and prolongs his life, yet I know that it will be well with those who fear

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God because they fear before him, but it will not be well with the wicked, neither will he prolong his days like a shadow because he does not fear before God.'"

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Solomon wraps up the idea by changing his focus ever so slightly. He points out that even if a man is thought to be a good guy, if he sets his heart on evil, he will receive the ultimate consequence of God.

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Only those who fear the Lord can rest assured that they will receive his care and protection. Now, here's an interesting

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Brewster paraphrase. All right, here we go. "'If you don't consequence your children's sin, God will do it for you, and his consequences will be infinitely worse than ours.'"

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Not only that, but our consequences happen during the interpretation stage of parenting in order to draw our children to correction.

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But God's consequences are final. They aren't designed to draw anyone to him. They're designed to do what we shouldn't do.

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They're designed to punish the sinner. Really, I don't know how much more can be said about this.

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It's so clear. But in order to avoid any confusion, I want to re -clarify some of these philosophies so we don't misapply it.

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Number one, Christ honoring parental sentencing, okay, we're going to call this discipline, is not a hurried, emotional, selfish, knee -jerk response that we throw out in the moment because God says our consequences need to be speedy.

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No and double no. We must be wise. We must draw out our kids' hearts.

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We need to work down from the fruit to the root and then identify the truth that will address the root problem that will then affect the fruit, the presenting problem.

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So even though the Bible says the consequences should be speedy, they should not be shoddy. We need to take an appropriate amount of time to understand the problem and formulate a

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Christ -honoring response. Also, I acknowledge that some decisions will be much easier to make while others may take days.

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The point is that we shouldn't be foolish in our discipline and we should be as immediate as we can be in our discipline.

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Number two, Christ -honoring discipline will not suffer the paralysis of analysis. It's appropriate to take the right amount of time to determine how to handle a situation but there's no need to be paralyzed.

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This is where our parents and communities are so very helpful. Perhaps you've never had a child refuse to go to the bathroom but instead find a secret corner to relieve himself.

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Perhaps you have no idea what biblical truth may come to bear on that situation. Lord willing though, you have at least one mature

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Christian parent who can share God's truth with you and help you apply it to the situation. You should also be able to discuss it with your pastor.

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I mean, absolute worst -case scenario, you should be able to connect with a biblical counselor or contact us at counselor at truthloveparent .com.

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We'd be happy to help relieve you of your parenting coma. Either way, in our day and age, we have more than enough resources to be able to learn to apply

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God's word to our parenting issues. Number three, Christ -honoring discipline will neither ignore nor forget to address sin.

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Let's be honest. We neglect our children's disobedience because we're forgetful, lazy, or oftentimes afraid.

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First, oftentimes my child's sin just isn't that memorable or dealing with the issue in the moment isn't more important than running the program we have scheduled.

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Or it was a big deal. I put effort into how I was going to address it later, but then life came in and I forgot.

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And though this will happen to everyone, and though God is way big enough to sanctify our kids despite our forgetfulness, it's still a bad habit we need to squelch in our lives.

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It's amazing to me the trivia and random facts adults can remember. It's also astounding how we can, with laser focus, zero in on a future date that's important to us.

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We definitely have the ability to remember to deal with our kids' sinful choices. We just need to make it important enough.

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Second, sometimes it's not forgetfulness that causes us to not address a sin. We just don't want to deal with the issue.

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Often this happens because we don't think the issue is that big of a deal, or at least not big enough to worry about dealing with now.

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But listen, as the lead counselor at Victory Academy for Boys, few parents realize how a decade of quote -unquote little sins can create a tapestry of destruction in their teens.

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And I see it. I see it every year. If God calls it a sin, we need to call it a sin, and if it's a sin, it needs to be addressed.

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Sure, not every sin will be addressed the same way, but they will have to be addressed. Sometimes it will include discipline that hurts, and sometimes it won't.

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The point is, we can't afford to be lazy when it comes to parenting. And third,

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I don't know about you, but I've often chosen to not address sin issues in the guys at Victory Academy because I'm afraid of how they're going to respond.

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Sometimes this can be fed by my laziness. I'm afraid that if I make one statement, I'm going to have to dedicate the next 45 minutes to helping deescalate the guy's stupid response.

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And sometimes we don't deal with it because we're genuinely afraid our kids will hurt us, break something, or hurt themselves.

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By the way, if this sounds like something with which you struggle, we have an episode called Fearless Parenting, which should be a huge blessing to you.

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I encourage you to check it out. I'll link it below. But even then, fear is not an appropriate reason to ignore a sin in my child.

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In fact, many times it was my poor parenting that brought me to the place where I am now, where I feel afraid to parent.

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My forgetfulness kept me from addressing my child's sin, which built a habit in them. But since I let it go for so many years because of my forgetfulness, now it's just kind of a normal thing.

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Quote, it's just the way they are. And my laziness keeps me from dealing with it until it becomes such an obvious problem and the kid has developed so many other bad habits and responses to reproof that now

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I'm afraid to address it at all. All because I didn't see sin the same way God did and consequence it as soon as I could.

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We never find ourselves in that position. So quick review.

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Number one, Christ -honoring discipline is not a hurried, emotional, selfish, knee -jerk response that we throw out in the moment because God says our consequences need to be speedy.

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We need to think about it. Number two, Christ -honoring discipline will not suffer the paralysis of analysis. And number three,

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Christ -honoring discipline will neither ignore nor forget to address sin. I believe this passage and various commands and principles in Scripture support the fact that we shouldn't wait any longer than we actually have to to give consequences for sin.

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We should only wait until we understand the situation and biblical remedy and have an environment that makes it easier to accept reproof.

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And for most of the issues we encounter in a day, that will be very immediate. Others will take longer, but most are quite simple.

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The heart of your child is going to be fully set to do evil if you do not sentence it speedily.

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Please share this episode so that we can lay a foundation in our families that will make it easier for us to speak truth into each other's lives.

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And join us, please, for our next episode where we discuss the difference between socializing and civilizing our kids.

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Life is so much bigger than our activities, programs, schedules, and dreams. Life is about accomplishing

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God's purposes in His ways, for His reasons, in His power, in His timing.

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So, to that end, I'll see you next time. Truth. Love. Parents.

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Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional, premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.