A TLP Snippet 11: How to Parent a “Me Too”

Welcome to a TLP Snippet, Parenting Wisdom in 5 Minutes or Less. I'm your host, A .M.

Brewster, and on October 15, 2017, actress Alyssa Milano tweeted, If you've been sexually harassed or assaulted, write

ME TOO as a reply to this tweet. Attached to her tweet was an image containing these words,

If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ME TOO as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

Since then, millions of people have interacted with the ME TOO discussion. According to Facebook, more than 45 % of the people in the

U .S. are friends with someone who's posted a message with the words, ME TOO. In the world in which we live, your children have likely interacted with the

ME TOO phenomenon. But this is not about a movement or a global message. This snippet is designed to help you take the first steps in parenting your children in a

Christ -honoring way. First, if you find that your child has experienced any sexual harassment or assault of any kind, you must do the following.

Number one, pray. You will need wisdom, strength, and a peaceful spirit if you hope to navigate this situation for the best of your child and the glory of God.

Two, listen to your child. Let them tell you everything, no matter how ugly, uncomfortable, sickening, infuriating, or painful it may be.

If your child is willing to talk, you must be prepared to listen. Third, at this stage, do not attempt to judge the validity of the claim.

In love, hope all things and believe all things. You can start by hoping your child wouldn't lie and believe that there is at least an element of truth.

I've interacted with too many parents who out of fear, disbelief, anger, or confusion simply dismissed the child's words claiming that it was a lie or misunderstanding.

The goal in this situation is to lovingly parent your child. You cannot do that if you draw a line in the sand and put yourself in opposition to them.

I'm not saying that a certain amount of falsehood won't be revealed. I've counseled families who the child admitted to lying about being molested, but allow

God to reveal it. For now, listen and accept. Fourth, respond in kind.

You should be prepared to weep with those who weep, but you should also be prepared to rejoice with those who rejoice.

You may find that your child confesses that they are over it, that they have forgiven their attacker and are at peace.

This doesn't mean that there isn't much work to be done and conversations to be had, but you shouldn't allow the emotions you're experiencing to steal the joy your children may have struggled to regain.

Fifth, realize that you may have to get someone else involved from a legal standpoint. Here's why.

If your child is a minor, then regardless of how old the attacker was, a crime has been committed.

It is inappropriate and sinful to sweep something like this under the rug because we're embarrassed or afraid.

Don't do it. Sixth, realize that your child is likely both very embarrassed and very afraid.

They're embarrassed to have to be talking about this and unlikely afraid that if their attacker found out, their retribution will be even worse.

In fact, many molesters groom their victims for such situations by threatening harm on them and their loved ones if they ever tell.

This is why we need number seven. Seven, once you've prayerfully considered who to involve from a legal standpoint, you need to consider who to involve from a spiritual standpoint.

God's word has everything your child needs for life and godliness, and you may well be equipped to counsel your child through this dark valley to the light of God's glorious freedom.

But I've seen that most parents struggle even responding correctly themselves. I believe most parents and their children need a man or woman of God to speak truth into all their lives and navigate this trial in their family's life.

And yes, this is a family thing. I'm not saying that the other siblings need to know, but I am saying that the parents and the child must form a unified team.

From here on out, many other things may happen. Legal proceedings, sleepless nights, lost friends, the temptation to depression or anxiety, and even the temptation to suicide may creep in.

This is why you need allies, men and women who love God and your family to help you through this time.

Each family will experience different things as they work through this to the glory of God, but each family can ultimately experience the forgiveness, joy, contentment, peace, and spiritual growth

God promises all throughout the scripture. I share this podcast with you today as someone who is passionate about confronting sexual harassment and abuse and helping families that have been affected by it.

There are four reasons I'm so passionate about this. Number one, I love God and desire that His will would be done on earth the way it is in heaven.

Two, I love the people who have been abused and attacked. They need the love of Christ to replace the hate of their attacker.

Three, I love the attackers. They need God and they need to experience a correction that's designed to lead them to repentance.

And this is closely related to number four. I am ashamed to say that there are too many ladies out there who could type the words me too because they knew the past me.

During my high school and early college years, I am grieved to say that I made many sinful choices and hurt many people specifically by harassing them.

This cause is heavy on my heart because I understand the travesty of this wickedness from both sides and it must be dealt with biblically.

I pray that none of your children can say me too, but if they do, God wants you to lead them through this situation.

Don't magnify the pain and horror of this situation by dealing with it in the wrong way. If you need any help or guidance, don't hesitate to contact us at counselor at truthloveparent .com.