TPW 30 Virtuous Husbands and Wives from Proverbs

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Never stop studying her, knowing her, listening to her, and changing in the ways that she needs you to change.
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Marriage is not so much about finding the right person as it is about being the right person. Welcome to the
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Protestant Witness. This is Pastor Patrick Hines here at Bridwell Heights Presbyterian Church in Kingsport, Tennessee. I wanted to play for you all today the message
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I preached a couple Sunday nights ago on virtuous husbands and virtuous wives from the
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Proverbs, and boy, if there's ever been a time that we need to be studying and holding fast to the biblical truth on the family, on what a godly husband is, what a godly wife is, and guarding those sacred and blessed truths.
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This is that time, as the family is under assault and is fighting a multi -front war against the world, the flesh, and Satan himself, who is seeking to destroy every last vestige of good, especially in this country we live in.
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So I would encourage you all to, if you're married or may one day be married, to take your
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Bible and follow along in these passages, Proverbs 31, 10, to the end of that passage on wives and then men.
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First Peter 3, 7 is a text of scripture that I have encouraged men for many, many years now to tattoo to their brain because it is extraordinarily important, especially one specific phrase in it.
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Husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge or in an understanding way.
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And I hope that you will pay close attention and learn and take this to heart, as I need to hear it and everyone that's married needs to hear it, and there's always so much that we need to work on and get better at in terms of loving our wives or loving our husbands.
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And I would encourage you to make sure that you don't just study the theology of scripture that you're interested in, but that you study all of it.
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You study everything in the Bible. The issue of marriage, the issue of husbands and wives is a vast topic, and I've only scratched the surface in this message, but these things could not be more important.
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And I really do believe that the church is in the best position possible to do evangelism when its marriages are solid, when husbands are loving their wives, when they're doing family devotions and opening the
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Word of God at home, when they are turning off the gadgets and everything else and getting everyone together at least once a day to read the
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Word of God together and to pray together as families. That is a life -altering and world -changing thing, and it's something that men have to constantly guard and be leaders at.
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They have to be ruthlessly consistent in all of that. So before I start preaching in my intro here,
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I'll go ahead and let you listen. Thanks. Good evening, everyone. Good evening.
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This is the last session technically of our conference, so it's been a good conference. We've been very blessed with our other speakers, and I'm thankful that we've had this opportunity to be together.
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Please take your Bibles and turn to Proverbs 31, and we'll read verses 10 through 31.
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This evening, closing out with the biblical concept from Proverbs of the virtuous spouse.
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Proverbs 31, 10 through 31, and then we're going to read one other verse, not from Proverbs, but about husbands, and we'll give you that reference here in just a moment.
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Proverbs 31, beginning at verse 10. An excellent wife who can find, for her worth is far above jewels.
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The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of game. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
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She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships.
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She brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens.
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She considers a field and buys it. From her earnings, she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
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She senses that her gain is good. Her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand grasps the spindle.
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She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
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She makes coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
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She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies bells to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.
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She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
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Her children rise up and bless her, her husband also, and he praises her, saying, Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.
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Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
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And if you'll also turn over, please, to 1 Peter 3, verse 7. 1
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Peter 3, and we'll just read verse 7. 1
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Peter 3, verse 7. This is God's Word. You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
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May God bless the reading of his infallible Word. Let's pray, please. Heavenly Father, we thank you for your wisdom that you've imparted to us.
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As foolish as we all are without it, help us, Lord, to put aside the ideas and notions of our corrupt and wicked generation that we live in, and to listen to the way of faithfulness, the way of righteousness, the way of truth, and the way of happiness that you've given to us in your
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Holy Word, in this all -important matter of finding a virtuous spouse.
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We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Most of this evening's message is going to concentrate on the virtuous wife, because there's so much more in Scripture about her here.
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But we're going to cover that, a virtuous wife and a virtuous husband towards the end.
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One of the commentators I read on this great passage here in Proverbs 31 said that so many men are not able to find a virtuous wife because they're not looking for one.
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Very often, it is not the case that there are none to be found, it's that men don't know what to look for. And hence, what is described here in this passage is not noticed by them.
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Matthew Henry said, But he that designs to marry ought to seek diligently for such a one, to have this principally in his eye, in all his inquiries, and to take heed that he be not biased by beauty or fun, wealth or parentage, dressing well or dancing well.
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For all these may be, and yet the woman not be virtuous. And there is many a woman truly virtuous, who yet is not recommended by these outward qualities.
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First of all, I want to talk to you this evening about the fact that such a woman as described in Proverbs 31 is rare.
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She's rare. And that's why the passage begins with, Who can find one? Who can find a virtuous wife?
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Her worth is far above jewels, far above rubies. And the scripture says in Proverbs 11, 22,
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As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is the lovely woman who lacks discretion.
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What is discretion? What does that term mean there? It means taste, judgment, discernment, sense.
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Young unmarried men ought to weigh this carefully. So many men are taken in by everything outward and fail to notice the far more important qualities in women.
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And the word of God is quite clear here. A lovely woman who lacks true biblical godliness is like a pig with a ring of gold in her nose.
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And when that ring tarnishes, what are you left with, guys? The pig. Guys, if all you notice is the gold ring, if all you see is what's outward, you will eventually be stuck with the swine.
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Right at the outset of this passage, the virtuous, strong, noble wife is said to be worth far more than jewels, far more than the rarest of stones.
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And why do we value rubies? Why do we value diamonds and things like that? Because they are rare.
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Because they're rare. My father recently gave his entire rare coin collection to one of my sons, and I've been looking through it and have found some very interesting coins in there.
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I found a Roman drachma with Constantine's inscription on it. I've been googling stuff and finding stuff.
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Some of these things are worth a lot of money, and I could care less about the coins, so I'm going to try to cash in some of those.
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But you look at the coins, and they're just worthless junk. But what is it that makes them valuable?
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They're so rare. Why are people willing to pay incredible amounts of money for things like baseball cards?
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Think about it. What is a baseball card? It's just a flimsy piece of cardboard with a picture of a human being on it. I saw a collection of six rare autographed baseball cards on eBay for sale for $218 ,000.
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Why is having a godly wife and knowing godly women in general something that men ought to praise
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God for with all their might? Why is their value far above rubies because of how rare they are?
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What is remarkable about this passage is its incredible emphasis upon the character and the virtue of an ideal wife.
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In fact, the only reference this passage makes to the outward appearance of the godly wife is what she wears.
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In verse 22, she makes tapestry for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. What defines this godly woman is her actions and her character.
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Remember, God's Word tells us in 1 Peter 3, 3 -4, Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel.
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Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God.
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Paul told Timothy in 1 Timothy 2 -9 in like manner also that the women adorned themselves in modest apparel with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing.
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Titus 2 also describes godly women in this way. The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much whine, teachers of good things, that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the
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Word of God may not be blasphemed. Could a verse be more politically incorrect than that one?
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The value of this woman and her beauty are based on the things which do not fade with time.
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Her value is based on the things that don't fade away with time, things that can't be taken away from her.
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What makes her who she is does not consist of the ring of gold and the pig snout. What makes her beautiful is who she is, her soul, her priorities, her affections, her gentle meekness, her quiet and tranquil spirit.
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Proverbs 31 10 -31 here is a glorious portrait of the very godliness this world is so lacking in today.
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And yet, it is found among God's people. It's found in our churches. And we're so blessed to have it.
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Everyone around it benefits from it. Who is this virtuous wife? Who is she? The ESV translates that as excellent wife.
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The NIV, wife of noble character, Young's Literal Translation, wife of worth. RSV, good wife.
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King James, virtuous woman. The translators are all over the place trying to capture what this says. Now, this passage that I just read to you,
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Proverbs 31 10 to the end of the chapter, it's 22 lines in the original Hebrew, and each verse begins with the next letter of the
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Hebrew alphabet, showing that it was intended to be memorized. This is something that young men needed to know.
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You needed to know aleph, beth, dem, odat. You needed to know all the letters, and it would give you the next word of the next line.
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All young men needed to know this stuff, so they knew what to look for. Some believe that these are the sayings of Bathsheba, that she instructed
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Solomon, which is why the name Lemuel is used there, which means from God or belonging to God.
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Solomon, as all of you know, of course, sadly, was a man who did not listen to the wise advice and counsel that he was given, if indeed these were the sayings of Bathsheba to him.
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And he, under the inspiration of the spirit of God, also penned these very sad words about how rare such women are.
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In Ecclesiastes 7 .26, King Solomon wrote, And I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters.
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He who pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be trapped by her. Here is what
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I have found, says the preacher, adding one thing to the other to find out the reason, which my soul still seeks, but I cannot find.
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One man among a thousand I have found, but a woman among all these I have not found.
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Is this not profoundly sad to consider? Here you have King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, who says that one good man in a thousand might exist, but a good woman, he never found one.
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Not one! All we know here about Solomon's relationships to women is what we're told in Scripture, 1
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Kings 11 .1, the beginning of his downfall into apostasy. Solomon was doing great before this.
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Solomon listened to his father David. Remember when David was dying and he told him Solomon, know the Lord and walk in his ways and he will bless you.
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And Solomon builds the temple and he gets down on his knees and holds his hands up in the air and prays a prayer that just goes on and on and on for a couple chapters and then all of a sudden we get this.
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But Solomon loved many foreign women. And that's pretty much the end of King Solomon.
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The key word there being many. There is something very important I want to point out here.
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Men who are involved with lots of women during the course of their lives tend actually to love none of them.
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Solomon's fascination with women is pathetic to read about in Scripture. 1 Kings 11 .3 and he had 700 wives, princesses and 300 concubines.
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Women, something you need to be looking out for is this. It is God's intention for a man to be a one woman man.
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Notice the opening verse here in Proverbs 31 .10 Who can find a virtuous wife? The singular word there.
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There's an old Spanish proverb that captures the truth that Solomon's life illustrates so well. A man who loves many women really loves none of them.
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And a man who loves one woman has loved them all. Ladies, a man with many girlfriends is the last man alive you want to allow into your grace.
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A man who is flirtatious with many women or with married women is likewise someone who is to be despised.
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A godly man is a one woman man. He will have eyes for, a heart for, and love for one and only one woman when it comes to marriage or to pursuing someone with the intention of marriage.
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And just for the record, romantic involvement can have no purpose behind it other than marriage.
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It's not a recreational thing. It's not something we do for fun. You need to have someone who's serious minded about this very thing.
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It's perfectly legitimate for people to be close friends with someone while you're young, but three times the
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Song of Solomon says do not awaken or stir up love until it pleases.
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If you awaken or stir up love before the time you're opening the floodgates for nothing but frustration and heartache.
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Until marriage is a close possibility, there's no point to it, folks. Close friendships is fine and good, but romance is not unless marriage is an option or is very close to being an option.
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And now, as we see in the text here, let's start walking through it. Look at your Bible there. Who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above jewels?
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It says elsewhere in the Proverbs, houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the
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Lord. A man can inherit lots of things. Lots of money, coin collections, houses, cars, et cetera, but you cannot inherit a godly woman.
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Can't inherit a wife. She is from the Lord. She is from God.
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If you have a prudent wife, if you have a virtuous wife, if you have a wife that is like what is described here, remember men,
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God gave her to you. She is from Jehovah, Yahweh, the creator, fashioned her and gave her to you.
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A prudent wife is from God. And men, if you have a godly wife who does you good and not evil all the days of your life and your heart safely trusts in her, you must go to your knees to praise your maker every single day that he shares her with you.
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Why? Notice again her rarity in the text. Like Ruby's, Charles Bridges, one of the best commentators on Proverbs said this, perhaps one reason of the rarity of the gift is that it is so seldom sought.
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Too often is the search made for accomplishments, not for virtues, for external and advantageous recommendations rather than for internal godly worth.
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This has always been a problem for men, valuing women for the wrong reasons. Look at verses 11 and 12.
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The heart of her husband safely trusts her so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
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Isn't that a wonderful passage? The inner soul of her husband safely trusts in her.
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And she does not bankrupt him with overspending. That's what it means when it says he will have no lack of gain or no need of spoil.
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He doesn't need unjust gain or theft. She is an asset to him and to his estate. She does him good and not evil all the days that she is alive and is married to him.
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He is safe with her. His heart is in her hands and he wouldn't want that heart to be anywhere else.
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And she is aware of the power that she has over him, over his heart. She can hurt him and criticize him and make him feel less than a man or she can build and encourage him.
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And that's what she does more than anything else. There are times that she has to admonish and rebuke him but there is never animosity or hatred behind any of it.
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Her intention toward him is always good and not evil. And this love for him will characterize her all the days of her life.
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He never has any reason to mistrust her because of the rock solid character that she has.
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She is a disciple of Christ and seeks to honor her husband and be a woman of true beauty out of love for her savior.
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Her husband's heart is her great ministry in this world. And he adores her for it.
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Listen to Charles Bridges again. With such a jewel for his wife, the husband has no misgivings.
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His home is the home of his heart. He needs not look into the matters entrusted to her with a suspicious eye.
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He has no reserves or jealousies. Ruling in this sphere without, he encourages her to rule in the sphere within.
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All is conducted with such prudence and economy that he has no need of spoil, no temptation to unjust gain, no need to leave his happy home in order to enrich himself with the soldier's spoils.
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The attachment of such a wife is as lasting as the time of their union, constant and consistent.
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Instead of abusing confidence, she only seeks to make herself daily more worthy of it. Not fretful and uncertain, caring how she may please her husband, doing him good and not evil all the days of her life.
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Would that it were always so! But look at Eve, the helpmeet becoming a tempter,
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Solomon's wives drawing his heart away from God, Jezebel stirring up her husband to abominable wickedness,
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Job's wife calling upon her husband to curse God and die. You see, the secret to the happy, godly marriage is that this very passage.
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The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and she does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
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That's what Proverbs 14 .1 is talking about. The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
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And that is talking about people. Not bricks and mortar and studs and drywall.
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It's the people. Ladies, don't pull your house down with your hands. Build it. Encourage the people in it.
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Pray for the people in it. Try to draw out the best that's in them. The woman described in Proverbs 31 .10
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-31 will leave a much better man and much better people in her wake when her eyes finally close in death.
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Men marry a helper because they need help. They cannot do or be what
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God has called them to do or be without a godly wife. They can't. Next, verse 13.
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She's domestically industrious. The godly wife is anything but a wallflower in her home. She is a domestic entrepreneur.
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Look at verse 13. She seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands. She willingly works with her hands.
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She does not avoid hard laborious work. She is engaged in the economically productive use of her gifts, her talents, and her abilities.
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Verse 14 and 15. She is like the merchant ships. She brings her food from afar.
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She also rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants. She oversees the meals of the household.
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Everyone is well fed with good food. She is typically up before everyone else in order to prepare things for the day.
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She is a home manager. She keeps people fed and keeps the household economy in order.
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Verse 16. She considers a field and buys it. From her profits, she plants a vineyard.
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You see what's happening here in verse 16? She is involved in making a financial contribution via the use of her wisdom and her prudence.
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She considers a field. She looks at it. She evaluates it and then purchases it and makes more money with it.
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And then she takes profits from that investment and plants a vineyard. She is very involved in building the family's wealth and the family's estate.
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The godly and virtuous wife is anything but idle in the home. She has a productive home economic vision which she energetically pursues.
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It's a well -oiled, well -run machine with stuff coming in, stuff going out. Money coming in and money going out.
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Things being bought and things being sold. Verse 13. She girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms.
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Because she's willing to work with her hands, she is physically strong. The management of a household is physically hard work.
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And the godly woman's arms are strong because of this. Especially when they have to carry 13 gallons of milk in from the car once a week.
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As mine does. Verse 18. She perceives that her merchandise is good and her lamp does not go out by night.
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Verse 19. She stretches out her hands to the distaff and her hand holds the spindle. Verse 20.
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She extends her hand to the poor, yet she reaches out her hands to the needy. What does this tell us about her?
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She's compassionate. She cares about the poor. She really cares about other people. She is never hard -hearted toward the poor or toward people in need.
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The godly woman in Proverbs 31 is warm and welcoming. She has a heart for everyone. And people really matter to her.
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Look at verse 21 and 22. She is not afraid of snow for her household. For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
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She makes tapestry for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. And while the inward character is the emphasis of everything the scriptures teach about godly womanhood, that does not mean women shouldn't care at all about how they and the members of their household are dressed.
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This passage clearly teaches that she is nicely dressed in fine linen and purple. And she is not afraid of snow in that she makes sure everyone has coats that fit them which will keep them sufficiently warm.
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She concerns herself with such things and is sure nothing like this gets neglected for anyone she's responsible for.
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Charles Bridges' comments here are really great. He says, the primary respect inculcated to the inward adorning in no way renders the exterior grace a nullity.
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I need to learn to write like that. In other words, it is her inward godliness which manifests itself in the things described here.
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Because of her kindness and her goodness, she oversees the people in her household with care and with kindness.
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By the way, it is a good thing to be well -dressed and to look nice. In fact, her whole household is well -dressed.
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Scarlet, fine linen, and purple. My wife has helped me from having fashion blunders a lot in my life.
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Has told me, that tie, no, that doesn't work with that. Those pants don't work with that. If you have stripes up here, you can't have whatever down there.
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I'm just like, okay, I appreciate that. So if I look nice, it's because of her. Neither she nor her children are shoddy in the way they present themselves.
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I'm very thankful for that. Verse 23 and 24. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
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Verse 24. She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies sashes for the merchants.
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It's easy for her to be happy and to fulfill her calling as a wife and home manager because her husband is a godly man and he is known as being such in the gates of the people.
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And please don't miss what I'm about to say here. One of the reasons her husband is known in the gates as a godly man is because he's married to her.
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He's a godly leader who is known in his town because she has made him what he is.
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Behind every great man, there's an even greater woman. Amen, guys? Verse 25.
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Strength and honor, or strength and dignity are her clothing. She shall rejoice in time to come.
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You know what that means? She's post -millennial. Although she takes pains to be well -dressed, her primary clothing are strength and honor.
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She's not sullen or morbid or sad, but she rejoices in the time to come. If we believe the promises of God's Word and trust in the forward progress of the
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Gospel and believe that God will continue to convert and save multitudes of people, how can we not rejoice in the days to come?
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She does not look at our cultural collapse and retreat into a world of depression and pessimism and sadness.
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She knows that her faithfulness to Christ will bear fruit that will outlast the onslaught of godlessness.
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She knows this and rejoices in what's to come in the future because of it.
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To the women here, I would apply this great text to you. Never lose heart. Rejoice in the days to come.
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Never lose heart. Always trust that God has something great for you, something good planned for you.
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If Christ is on His throne and He has a plan for your life to do good by you, rejoice knowing that all of God's power and providence will always be yielded for your absolute good in Christ.
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And therefore, women, whatever your circumstances, know that your faithfulness to Christ will not go unnoticed.
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Rejoice in the days to come. Why? Because your faithfulness to Jesus will bear fruit that will last for eternity.
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Verse 26. She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness. When she speaks, there's not foolishness, gossip, slander, or emptiness.
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When she opens her mouth to speak, the pearls and the jewels of Scripture come forth. For her husband, if he is intelligent and not a fool, he will be quiet and listen to her.
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He will learn from her uniquely female perspective the things which his own constitution as a man make him unable to see clearly.
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And besides, he will delight to listen to her. Why will he delight to listen to her? Because the law of kindness is on her tongue and governs all that she says.
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She doesn't use her words to berate, to belittle, or tear down. And her children, if she has children, they know this too.
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On her tongue is the law of kindness. Verse 27. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
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As the home manager, she is well aware of all that is happening. She does not sit around idle, but is active and engaged.
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She eats the food of her household, but she is anything but a freeloader. She does not eat the bread of idleness.
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She is worn out for the Lord at the end of each day. It's a satisfying feeling when you're tired and you're worn out because you've done your duty that day.
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You've done right by the people that God has called you to love. Verse 28. Her children rise up and call her blessed.
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Her husband also, and he praises her. Children and men, the women in your life need your words.
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They need your kind and encouraging words. And what is revealed in this verse is not a command.
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It is simply a statement regarding what spontaneously and naturally occurs when such a woman is recognized by those around her for what she truly is.
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Her husband and her children rise up and call her blessed. How could they not call someone like this blessed? Her children and her husband do so.
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That man praises her. And he, and here is how he does so. Men, listen very carefully to verse 29.
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Listen to it. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.
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In her husband's mind, he may know of special, godly, wonderful and beautiful Christian women, but in his heart, his wife excels all of them.
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This is the heart of what it means to be a one -woman man. King Solomon, for all his wisdom, never experienced this kind of joy with the thousand women at his disposal.
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They together meant nothing to him. And when a godly man recognizes the godly woman he has for a wife for what she truly is, he has eyes and a heart for no one else.
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It would never occur to him to think of trading her in for a younger, more physically beautiful woman.
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That's not part of his desires or thoughts at any time. His heart is knit to this one and only this one.
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This woman who gave her heart to him and who holds his heart in her hand. She is better than Solomon's harem of female toys, and he has no interest in such things.
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He looks into her eyes, whatever her age, and he looks into the face of his love.
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Many daughters have done well, but you, my wife, excel them all. You excel them all.
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You are better than them all. And he's not done. Look at verse 30. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the
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Lord, she shall be praised. Charm will disappear, beauty will fade away, but godliness is a beauty for which the godly woman will always be praised by her husband.
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Godliness, like a fine wine, grows more beautiful with age. To her husband, godliness will always be the greatest and most attractive part of her.
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Verse 31. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.
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What is true beauty? It's godliness. Charles Bridges said, but why, it may be asked, do external recommendations form no part of this portrait?
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All that is described is solid excellence. For the lovely features described, her fidelity to her husband, her active personal habits, her good management and diligence in her family, her consideration for the necessities and comforts of others, her watchfulness of conduct, her tenderness for the poor and afflicted, her kind and courteous behavior to all.
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This completeness of character and grace could only flow from that virtue which is identified with vital godliness.
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They are the good fruit that prove the tree to be good. They are such fruit flowing from a right principle as the natural corrupt stock of man could never produce."
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End quote. What I'm describing here was Proverbs 31, 10 -31. It does not grow in nature's garden.
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This is a follower of Christ. Period. This is a woman who knows and loves God. A woman who fears
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Yahweh she shall be praised. She's a disciple of Jesus. She's a woman who acknowledges her sin before God, her absolute need for the cross of Jesus, His blood,
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His righteousness and His resurrection as her only hope of salvation. She indeed truly fears the
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Lord. The first step to becoming the portrait of godliness here described is knowing Christ.
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We've seen first that the woman described here in Proverbs 31 is a rare woman. She has impeccable trustworthiness and love as a wife.
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She is domestically industrious and productive. And she is praised and blessed by her children and her husband.
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May God grant that all women who hear this would endeavor to be what God says women ought to be.
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And may God grant all of us in this church wisdom to be sure that all of our church's covenant daughters are raised to love this passage and see that they become what it describes.
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That the word of God will be adorned, the gospel will go forth and the name of Jesus lifted up in our dark world.
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So what about a virtuous husband? Look at 1 Peter 3 .7 if you would please. Turn over there quickly.
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1 Peter 3 .7 There's a lot more in scripture about being a godly husband but I want to focus on one thing here that's
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I think often missed and needs to be emphasized and needs to be understood by women and men, married and unmarried.
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1 Peter 3 .7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way or according to knowledge as with someone weaker since she is a woman and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.
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What is a godly husband? 1 Peter 3 .7 is one of the most important Bible verses on this topic in all of Holy Scripture and those of you that I have married remember
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I hammered this to you over and over again. It's vital I believe because the one phrase that is absolutely central for men to get if they would be the head of a happy and godly marriage is this one.
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Live with your wives in an understanding way. The text literally reads live with your wives according to knowledge.
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What this means is simple men, you have to study your wife. And women a man needs to be a
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Christian obviously. He needs to love his local church obviously. He needs to know and love
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God's word obviously. But he also really needs to be a good listener.
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He needs to be a good listener. When you talk to him he listens to you.
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When you share something that he does that bothers you, he stops. When you tell him he needs to do something to help you feel more loved, he does it.
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When you communicate your feelings to him, he listens and responds with compassion. Even if the way you feel makes absolutely no sense to him at all.
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Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. The woman you love and marry will be unlike any woman who has ever lived or ever will live except that she's a sinner.
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They all have that in common. But other than that, she will be singularly unique. And men, you ought to be the best at loving her and making her feel beautiful and special and appreciated and cared for better than anyone else in the history of time.
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You must study her. Dwell with your wives. Live in your home with your wives according to knowledge in an understanding way.
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Study her. Learn her. Know how she thinks. What she likes. What she dislikes. And know her heart.
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If you want Proverbs 31 11 to be true, the heart of her husband safely trusts her, then you must first win her heart.
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How do you do that? You listen. Listen. Study her. And you can't win her heart unless you study her and truly know her as a unique person.
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Godly married people will know one another better than anyone else on earth ever will. My wife knows me better than my parents do.
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Than anyone else does. Because of this, they are always most vulnerable to each other.
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But they don't use this to their advantage. On the contrary, they enjoy truly knowing one another because there is trust and there's safety in that special place between them.
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But guys, we often get a bad rap for not listening. Guys often get a bad rap for not listening.
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I've been married for 21 years now. I don't know how she does it. She can tell if my mind switched gears and is thinking about something else.
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Even if no change has happened to my face at all. And she'll say, Patrick, where are you? You left. There was a comedy movie that came out when
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I was a teenager. And there's two guys talking to each other about their past girlfriends and one guy says to the other, yeah, she broke up with me.
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And the other guy says, well, why? And he said, something about how I never listened to her. I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention.
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Ladies, the man you give your heart to needs to be a spiritual leader, mature, and have a vision for your family.
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He needs to have it burning in his heart. Burning in his heart to lead family worship every day.
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To disciple you and your future children. And he needs to have a heart for you. To continue to pursue you.
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So many guys, even Christian men, once they've won their wife's love and are married, they stop doing what 1
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Peter 3, 7 says. And yet it's not talking to engaged men or men trying to pursue someone.
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It's husbands. Guys who are already married. Dwell with your wife in an understanding way.
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According to knowledge. Understand her. What she needs from you. They stop studying their wife and their love grows cold.
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Am I actually saying that there's godly Christian men who know and love Jesus, know and love the Bible, love their church, and are rather clueless about this?
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Yeah, there are. They stop studying their wife. They stop making sure that they're constantly doing all they can to make their wife feel beautiful and cherished and loved.
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Yes, it happens. Men, let that phrase sink into your brain. Live with your wives in an understanding way.
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Dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Never stop studying her, loving her, knowing her.
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Because in a lot of ways, like you, she's a moving target too. We change. We're sanctified. We grow as people.
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You've got to constantly make every effort to really know her. Husbands, dwell with your wives in an understanding way.
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Never stop studying her, knowing her, listening to her and changing in the ways that she needs you to change.
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Marriage is not so much about finding the right person as it is about being the right person. And never take communication about the ways that you need to change, men.
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Don't take that as rejection. That's not rejection. I've heard guys say that. She doesn't accept me the way
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I am. No. The way you are is wrong. The way you are is mean. The way you are is not loving.
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Change. Do what she tells you to do. Act the way she needs you to act so she feels loved by you.
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That's what the scripture is saying here. Listen to her and change. It's her loving you enough to tell you that.
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Everyone has to change to become more of what the other one needs them to be. How is that done?
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Good communication. Husband and wife study one another. They communicate well and they change accordingly to be more of what that person needs them to be.
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Women, a virtuous husband is going to be more of a rare commodity today. But never settle.
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Never marry someone out of fear of being alone. Never settle for someone who isn't godly enough to listen to you and to love you in the way that you specifically need to be loved in order to feel loved.
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And guys, I have news for you, it's usually not the way you'd think. I would never have imagined, if I walk through a room where my wife's in that room, if I don't acknowledge that she's there or at least touch her on the shoulder, that bothers her.
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So I have to do that every time I walk through a room. I've had to learn that the hard way to make her feel loved.
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Men, a virtuous wife is still as rare as a ruby today. But never settle for someone you cannot truly entrust your heart and your life to.
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I pray for all future marriages of our local church of Brittle Heights' covenant, 50 -something covenant children that we've got now,
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I pray for that almost every day. And for the future marriages of all of our covenant children in our presbytery and all young people growing up in this utterly toxic, godless, horrifying nightmare of a culture we live in.
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I hope everyone here prays for the rising generations, for their marriages, for their future children. That's something we need to be assaulting the heavens for.
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You know, God is a lot smarter than we are. Deuteronomy 24 -5 is one of the most profound statements
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I've ever read. Listen to this. Deuteronomy 24 -5. When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business.
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He shall be free at home one year and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.
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One of the greatest proofs of Scripture's God -breathed quality is the timeless profundity of its wisdom.
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If this were obeyed today, people would be far, far happier and content and safe in their marriages.
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Why take an entire year off, not go to war or do any business? So the man can be free at home?
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To dwell with her with understanding. To study her. To figure her out.
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I've told you all before, I thought I was a nice guy until I got married and realized
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I was not. I had to really learn what I needed to do to quit being such a self -centered person.
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But what a great idea. Let them be by themselves and study. Let him study her to bring happiness to her for an entire year.
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Let that be the only thing he's doing for an entire year. What a great idea. Do you think the creator of marriage knew what he was doing by requiring this?
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This isn't the law of God here, folks. He most certainly did. Husbands -to -be, you must be prepared to dwell with your wives with understanding.
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If you're not ready to study her, to figure her out, to keep pursuing her, to make sure she still glows like when you saw her at the back of the church.
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Make sure that glow doesn't die away. Wives -to -be, you must be prepared to share your heart with a man you can trust to do this all your days.
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I want to encourage young men and young women, don't settle for anything less and don't be anything less.
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Let's pray. Our God in heaven, we thank you so much for sharing all this wisdom with us in your holy word, the inspired,
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God -breathed text of scripture. And Lord, the vast majority, if not everything that we've gone through in your word is absolutely accursed by our culture.
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And yet, this is the way of happiness. This is the way of human flourishing. This is the way of contentment and peace and joy in this life.
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Lord, we pray for all the marriages in this room right now and all the future marriages represented here.
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That Lord, you would protect young men and young women. That you would make them godly. That you would give them a heart to obey our
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Lord Jesus who said, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and then all these things shall be added to you.
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Lord, we pray you would help husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge, with understanding, with gentleness, really trying to understand how to love them in the way that they need to be loved.
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And we pray that every man here who is married or ever will be married will see come to fruition that wonderful passage, the heart of her husband safely trusts in her.
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And she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. This is
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Pastor Patrick Hines of Brittle Heights Presbyterian Church located at 108 Brittle Heights Road in Kingsport, Tennessee.
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And you've been listening to the Protestant Witness Podcast. Please feel free to join us for worship any
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Sunday morning at 11 a .m. sharp where we open the word of God together, sing his praises, and rejoice in the gospel of our risen
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Lord. You can find us on the web at www .brittleheightspca .org
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www .brittleheightspca .org And may the Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.