Ten Dating Rules for Men

Conversations That Matter

Subscribe

Download

Share

00

00:02

We are now live on the conversations that matter podcast for a late Friday night Episode here.

00:08

I'm sure most of you will probably listen or stream this later I want to talk about one subject and one subject only

00:15

I don't want to take a long time to talk about it But it is something that has been on my heart and mind for some time

00:22

I think it's intensified in the last few days because of some realization in my mind that Especially on the internet, but this is also real life to some extent a lot of young Gen -z men, but also

00:37

Millennials also those who are in their 30s and 40s are extremely discouraged some have given up on the idea of dating and marriage and I Think there's a number of factors involved in this

00:53

So I want to talk about that a little but I want to give some hope and I want to give some very practical Advice if I can for those who are interested in that kind of thing

01:01

I've had several people reach out and just ask me What they should be doing if there's anything different that maybe

01:07

I did or others that I know who are successful in this regard What they've done and as I was coming home from Five guys

01:17

I was with my wife. We had our Kind of which we try to do a weekly date even after we've gotten married

01:24

So the people saying that I don't date well, maybe in the sense of yes It was ten years ago when I was last dating in the sense that I was single

01:33

But I actually still date my wife every week. We'll go out Sometimes we have well most of the time now we have our little girl with us

01:41

Which that may change as she gets older, but we had about a 15 -minute drive and I just said, you know

01:47

Probably wouldn't take us long to come up with something here Ten things if we can come up with ten things that We've learned mostly for men

01:58

I'm thinking in terms of This is for men, especially that's my audience overwhelmingly. It's male

02:04

What are ten things that that I've learned? some of them in conjunction with my wife that have

02:11

Helped me and helped others as we've observed others in successful relationships

02:18

Turn those relationships into a successful marriage. And so we did that and I'm gonna start by just Giving a charge to all of you men who are single out there and especially those who are in the stage of giving up I think there's

02:38

Different voices for different groups and there's a spectrum here but in general

02:45

If you are someone who feels weak You need help if you are someone who is faint -hearted you need encouragement but if you are someone who is unruly and there seems to be quite a few of those as well out there who are just belligerent about the fact that Anyone would suggest they might be able to change their circumstances and get married

03:05

There they call themselves incels. It's part of their identity. I Would say actually you may need not encouragement and not help you see if you're unruly you may need actual correction and Whether you're in any of those groups,

03:22

I Think there's a charge that you need to hear and so I want to start with that and this really explains why this is even on my mind and on the minds of so many

03:31

I've had many conversations with Wiser even older folks than myself who are concerned about this issue that doesn't seem like young people are getting married like they used to that might be different depending on what part of the country you're in and of what kind of religious

03:48

Society you're part of if you're in a rural country area, maybe nothing's changed but Something seems to have changed nationally and I'll show you some stats on that But but first I want to just sort of speak from my heart and speak truly to you all the policy things

04:07

Politically, we've been fighting for whether it's on the immigration front or election integrity.

04:13

You name it. Whatever issue you want to name It really doesn't matter whether we win those issues or not if we don't have a civilization to me that's how serious this is on a macro level if we fail to Carry on our civilization by having children and raising them up in stable environments

04:32

Then what's the point? seriously Obviously, I'm for political action.

04:39

I've been very supportive of People who are politicians that are

04:44

Christian that have integrity. We've had them on our show People who are involved in various capacities in reforming denominations and reforming

04:52

Christian institutions People who have issues they care about and can speak intelligently about I care about all those things obviously

05:00

But I am very aware that if we don't have a lot of kids and we don't start having them quick We are going to see the repercussions of that on our economy on our national

05:14

Sovereignty our power in in the world the status we hold We're gonna see

05:20

I think a shrinkage in the Ratio of if you want to call them, you know native -born or you could even extend that further and say

05:32

Americans who have more of a rootedness in this country, there's going to be a

05:40

Proportion that shrinks they're they're not going to make up as much of the pie as Some of those who have recently arrived and that has profound implications for our culture

05:50

We don't actually have a shared culture and the strains will become even greater America will exist in pockets if we don't have kids

05:58

This is a very serious issue on so many levels and I know many people talk about it in Terms that are different Elon Musk will talk about the coming

06:08

Population crisis and how we need to have more kids There's a pro -natalist kind of wing in the new right conservatism but there's also a religious element to this that There's pastors.

06:22

I know that haven't the Presbyterian they haven't baptized babies But there's Baptist pastors and Presbyterian and other denominations who just aren't marrying like they used to I've heard these conversations

06:34

And if you're in a church that doesn't have this issue then praise God, but this is an issue

06:40

And as a young man Which is you know, it's not like I don't talk to young women I probably spent more time exposing feminism and talking about reviling wives

06:49

I wrote a song about the Proverbs 7 woman and I spent a lot of Bandwidth on that, but I know that most of my audience is men and it's men

06:59

I think that I can probably have more of an influence over in this moment and it's men specifically I'm thinking about how more experience about you as a young man have tremendous influence more than perhaps, you know

07:10

You have a God -given ability to lead It's even something that Just in a natural way.

07:18

God has given you in the form of your own testosterone you are built in a different way than women are built and Yes, I I know we're in a very unstable and duracinated time.

07:31

Many of us have moved around many of us don't Have stable families environments we didn't grow up in that some of you suffer from fatherlessness whether that's spiritual fatherlessness or Just not even having a supportive dad in your own life.

07:46

There's many holes. There's many Problems that you could point to and legitimately be upset about and I have

07:57

Tremendous compassion for that. I think that that's one of the things I'd like to say to older people is

08:03

You know, if you don't have people you're mentoring, especially in your church get busy. They're the

08:10

The harvest is there the fields are ripe But if you're a young man Who's just starting out you have the world's your oyster you have tremendous influence and you can channel that influence in various ways

08:22

Constructive ends or destructive ends the most constructive end you can channel your energy toward is

08:28

Not being the president of the United States. I really don't believe that I think that has tremendous value obviously But I think there's a primary thing that God has given each one of us unless we have and it's a very small group

08:39

Of people who have this the gift of singleness the natural State of affairs is for you to desire to have a wife and marriage and I know some of you are thinking right now man,

08:49

I I have desired that and it just hasn't happened and I'm very upset. It hurts when someone brings this up.

08:56

You feel maybe that you're not Performing like the way you should or there's something wrong with you or the circumstances are just against you and Why can't someone have a little understanding?

09:07

Well, I do there's something we talked about many times I do have understanding about that. The circumstances are not ideal in many ways.

09:14

I'll go through some stats with you again people are upset that I was saying that young men can go and ask a girl on a date and If they get rejected ask another girl on a date because they didn't qualify it

09:28

Some people thought that I didn't add in the fact that the circumstances are very difficult. Well, that's this podcast that's what we talked about this many times and so I'm not ignorant of that at all, but This is the time

09:41

God has put you on earth for in his sovereignty in his Providence This is something we need to get back to the idea of Providence God for whatever reason decided to put you on earth in 2025

09:54

And he has something for you to do He has good works that he's predestined for you to do if you were in Christ that means that There's purpose and there's mission to your life.

10:05

I Don't know fully what that is. That's something that I think unfolds as you live It's something that God reveals in his own timing

10:12

I do believe though that one of the basic things is pursuing marriage finding a wife you finds a wife finds a good thing is

10:19

Good for a man or I should say is not good for a man to be alone It is good to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife

10:26

This is something that on a basic level no matter what else you're doing. I think if you're a normal average

10:35

Man, you need to be pursuing even if you get rejected I remember a few years ago the revoice movement was

10:44

Becoming more popular in the evangelical world and the revoice movement soft -pedaled homosexuality and There were some comments made at some of their conferences that implied that you could never change if you were homosexual

10:56

That was it you would never if you wanted to live as a Christian have a family you would never get married you would never enjoy those things and there were people who thought this was so godly because you were giving that all up to follow

11:08

Jesus because You just were not wired to have those things. You couldn't desire a wife

11:14

Well, I remember on this podcast many times I said that was rubbish absolutely rubbish

11:19

You what do you just give up? I mean Greg Cole's book was one of the ones that I just thought took the cake on this because there's a man in his 20s not even his 30s yet, and he's saying

11:30

It's this is just who I am It's game over. I'm not gonna be married. Don't you feel sorry for me that I'll never be married

11:37

How do you know that? How do you do you limit God? Do you think that the Holy Spirit can't change your own circumstances and Help you conform your desires to his so that you can be in a position to get married

11:50

I mean, do you just give up do you stop? Do you just not even consider the possibility that maybe there's a woman out there that you could

11:58

Be attracted to and love and have a family with I mean We if you've listened to the podcast for a while, we've been there.

12:04

We've all been there. This is different But there are people out there Who are telling you

12:10

I almost queued up the clips and I thought the better of it I thought the better of it because of time and because it thought it would be distracting

12:16

I could name them there are Influencers out there that who are becoming popular even in Christian circles, though.

12:23

They're not Christians That will try to convince you that the game is too rigged

12:29

That even dating dating is homosexual homosexuals are the ones who date. It's just to get married to date

12:37

That's not something that a real man would be interested in Some people have said this is

12:43

Nietzschean vitalism something there's all sorts of terms, but Whatever it is. It's poison.

12:49

It's absolutely poison. That's just not true That's just like the revoice stuff telling man. You're just trapped in this you can't get out

12:56

You're a slave to your desires. This one just says you're a slave to the circumstances around you too. Many women are feminists

13:02

Too many women have been indoctrinated. They're gonna leave you when they're 35, even if it looks good now

13:08

Because that does happen sometimes and those examples are trumpeted so just don't even bother or It's just in their nature.

13:16

This is just the way the world is I'm sorry. That's not the way the world is. That's a lie

13:22

God did not create women to be feminists. He actually created them he wired them and this is kind of one of the things that's gonna play into my ten rules here, but He wired women

13:34

To be receptive to a man who leads and you might say in my experience women revive they just can't stand that Yeah, of course, there's women who?

13:44

Reject leadership. There's also women Who are have certainly been indoctrinated just like there's there's also men who have been doctrinated into various things, too

13:52

But yes feminism has done a number. There's no doubt about this But there's something in the natural order, which is what

13:58

I'm talking about. That is By God is placed there It's a it's a design that's fundamental where men lead and women are helpers

14:08

Women are attracted to him even femme. I've seen this even with some feminists Where they have their ideology, but then when there's a man that's attractive.

14:18

I mean, it's how God wired them It goes out the window not saying that's a universal experience, but Even a girl who's a bought into some feminist logic today doesn't mean that she's gonna buy into all of it tomorrow some of these women need to be

14:32

Rescued out of it. Some of them might be too far gone and not worth your time So you have to do a triage you have to assess the situation

14:39

But if you don't talk to girls, you won't be able to do it. You have to at least talk to them

14:44

Right, that's kind of basic number one. So this is my encouragement as a man You have tremendous potential

14:51

God puts you on this earth for a purpose and that purpose Has to include his basic creation mandates

15:00

If he's giving you the desire to get married, then don't stop pursuing it. Don't just give up I don't care if you're 40 years old.

15:07

Don't give up on that That's something worthy of pursuing. That's a good thing There's and there are women out there.

15:14

I know because I get them in my DMS every once in a while to Reaching out just to say that they

15:25

If I well, they haven't asked me to like hook them up with a guy who might be to connect them

15:31

But but but almost like just saying like I've been wanting to find a godly man. Where are they?

15:38

I've had a few of those and Big fan of your podcast. Where do I go? I Don't know.

15:45

I Don't know It depends but I Do know that there are some quality women out there.

15:53

I know some personally who have not been married yet and If you have to go through a hundred women

16:00

Dating talking to them trying to figure them out before you find that one. It's worth it. It's totally worth it

16:07

So yes, the hill might be steeper the going might be tough It might be a hard thing to go through to try to find that person

16:16

But it's worth it when you get there and it's not just a selfish kind of worth it It isn't worth it because it's the fulfillment of who you are

16:23

God also designed you to lead someone to to to be nourished by someone and to protect them and to provide for them and To have children and to enjoy them and to yes, they can be a pain sometimes but they are a blessing from the

16:44

Lord and And This is this is a good thing. It's a good dream not to give up on I I know men in their 40s sometimes 50s who it was their first time.

16:56

That's when they finally found that person He finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the

17:01

Lord. It takes finding it takes effort Don't give up. Don't give up. There's hope there is

17:09

There there's a path out there for you. Okay? And you are in a position to save our civilization

17:16

You might be one link in a chain one block on our wall. You might be one step in a process

17:23

But you it is an important process if we don't have people getting married and having kids.

17:30

It's game over. What's the point, right? so That that's why I care about this issue on a macro level now at a micro level

17:36

I actually know several guys and of course, I've been encouraging them and trying to help in any way

17:41

I can and Even commiserating when I hear about some of the horror stories.

17:48

I Some of you have been through a lot and I get that But it doesn't mean that marriage is bad.

17:55

It doesn't mean that it's out of your reach. It doesn't mean God can't redeem Circumstances, even if you've messed up There there's always a path to redemption here, okay, there's

18:07

Jesus has made that clear that's what his blood is for and There it cannot be wrong to pursue the good that God has

18:15

Universally given to everyone. So all right, so that's that's my spiel there I I want to I get to some comments and and certainly you can

18:24

Give me any of the comments or concerns or questions or cries of outrage that you have

18:30

But I want to encourage you and I want to give you some some practical advice here So what we'll do is

18:36

I will go through some of my advice and then after that I will give you some stats and I will go through some social media posts and We'll see where we get but I want to start out with some of the advice if I can because I know that's what a

18:54

Lot of people are watching. So here's my 10 rules for dating for those who are interested in this kind of thing This is

18:59

I guess the wisdom that I've picked up and since some of you think I'm a boomer apparently At 36.

19:05

I'm I am a boomer. I dated 10 years ago, but I guess the landscape has changed so much Apparently that my advice is so archaic, but you know, the

19:14

Bible's advice advice is not archaic. The Bible's advice is universal Right, it's timeless and I think that's why

19:21

I feel comfortable doing this giving you some timeless advice Suited to what I believe the circumstances are now and I still stand by What I've said about dating

19:31

I'll get into dating courtship in a minute, but let's just go through it Number one know what you want in a relationship, but keep your expectations realistic know what you want in a relationship

19:40

But keep your expectations realistic. So I'm 37 forces delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart

19:47

Now, I think it's important and you don't you're not gonna do anything everything You have to at least talk to some girls if you're a guy you have to get to know them

19:54

To know a little bit about what you want. This is a process But I think on the outset you should know some basic things right?

20:02

She should be a Christian if you're a Christian, right? Maybe if you're going into a dangerous

20:08

Field she needs to be okay with that She needs to be okay with being a military wife, for example, or a pastor's wife or whatever role that's going to require of her

20:18

You need to understand What kinds of things are non -negotiables now if She's from a culture that you just don't find compatible.

20:27

You need to know that So these are the kinds of things you need to figure out now Some guys get into like very specific things like she needs to like my music and she needs to be into my hobbies

20:37

I mean, it's nice if you find a girl who likes those things But let's face it if you are 35 years old and it hasn't worked out

20:45

You might need to go back to the drawing board a little bit and reconsider how stringent you want those things

20:50

What are the important things? What are you really looking for? What kind of characteristics and and then go to work?

20:58

So keep your expectations realistic. Don't make them too high where it's you know, as as pastor

21:05

Tanner Cartwright had said that you know, there's guys who are They're fives or sixes

21:11

I don't like using those scales necessarily But how else do you communicate this and they want a girl they think they deserve a girl who's a nine or a ten

21:18

Right, of course girls do this probably much more often where they they think they're all that and they did

21:23

Yeah, you have to be realistic here. You have to judge righteously first of all and be willing to see the beauty and a

21:32

Girl who maybe doesn't sweep you away and knock you off your feet and take your breath away when you first see her

21:38

But over time You realize her personality her love for the

21:43

Lord her smile those things actually mean a lot I've seen this happen where you become more attractive to someone over time, right?

21:52

And I think all good marriages the husband says that you know I'm more attracted to you now than I was when we got married.

21:57

It's like well, the woman is has more wrinkles How is that positive put on a few pounds? Well, it's because you get to know the person more so have a holistic

22:06

Standard here number two pray take initiative and trust God with the outcome. That's all you can do, right? You can't do anything else.

22:12

You got to pray take initiative and trust God So be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God Philippians 4 6

22:20

Don't be anxious about it Just do what you can do and leave the rest to God that because there is no other option

22:27

So you pray for that person that you'll find that person then you go out there you look for them

22:32

You might have to go online You might have to visit other churches or other college career groups You might have to travel you might have to go to a mixer like the ones

22:39

Jerry Doris and Tanner Cartwright do out in Kentucky You may you may have to do a lot of different things.

22:44

It may take effort. It may take time It may take some money But whatever you have to do you you go look

22:51

Fine, he finds a wife finds a good thing, right and then trust God if it doesn't work out the first second

22:56

Third fourth fifth time what about the sixth right? That's what you do Men should number three men should lead and take the initiative in pursuing

23:06

Okay, and this comes from a few things number one the example of Christ Christ Jesus pursued the church

23:12

The church didn't pursue Christ number two Proverbs 18 22 says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. I keep quoting that Well, that means finding

23:19

I mean the man is really the initiator now I want to say something to the ladies here That doesn't mean a woman can't make it known that she's available.

23:27

It doesn't mean a woman can't Make herself Be pretty and attractive and Kind of let the guy let guys know let people know that she's looking she'd like to get married those kinds of things but to Go from non -exclusive to exclusive and we're pursuing marriage

23:50

This is really the guy's initiative and the whole rest of the relationship if it leads to marriage is going to be the guy takes the initiative that's the way it should go and I see a lot of guys

24:01

That want to game the system which gets into my next one. Don't overthink avoid over strategizing or consulting all her friends now

24:07

You may be tempted to get yourself into a position where you're guaranteed that she's going to say yes you you might talk to her friends to try to see what she's thinking try to get in her head try to Just really produce her social media and you might put little feelers out there

24:24

Some of the some of this is flirting and I don't think that's all wrong by the way, the putting some feelers out there, but the motive is important if the motive becomes that you are trying to Essentially guarantee the outcome because you are afraid you don't want to be hurt well, guess what you may be hurt and that's part of being a man, unfortunately and You're welcome to the rest of your life.

24:47

You're going to be in positions where it's risky where it's tough. That's just who you are.

24:52

So Don't don't and the other thing is this can blow up in your face if I've seen this

24:59

Just say this I've seen this way too many times. It's way too common where a guy Tries too many manipulative techniques.

25:07

He's not direct and This becomes the problem for the girl The girl is no longer attracted sometimes because it just seems wimpy.

25:15

It seems effeminate to her it's not that she wants a man who's confident and knows where he's going and she can at least respect a guy that she says no to but a guy who comes up to her and Tries to say the right things and present himself as something he's not and Figure out what she likes so he can pretend that he likes it

25:38

I mean it just it blows up in your face the the mask eventually comes off and If you're talking to her friends to try to get an inside scoop, they will likely go and talk to her

25:49

So just don't do it. It's not a good idea and It'll probably end in disaster just because it worked for some guy, you know doesn't mean it's gonna work for you also and I know a lot of Influencers online they're gonna give you the real key to finding a woman like this is how they think this is what you got to do

26:09

It's good to be direct. Now. That doesn't mean being blunt. It doesn't mean being rude But it does mean at least allowing your intentions to go out there publicly and being willing to suffer rejection if she says no

26:22

Number five before going exclusive make sure you've met her parents or family and this goes This goes along with honoring father and mother because if you marry her, they're going to be your in -laws

26:32

You are going to together be honoring her father and mother and so they have the responsibility to protect her

26:39

At this point and so you want to make sure that they are vetting you that they know you that you are safe that And there's different stages people say when you should do this.

26:49

You should do it before having a date I that might be put some pressure on the relationship I did something similar to that actually had a date and then

26:56

I talked to the father But I think at some point when it starts getting more serious

27:02

You definitely need to have a conversation with the father and circumstances are different today

27:08

This is maybe getting us into a little the dating courtship You may be in a position where the girl doesn't have a good relationship with her father she may be off at college the

27:17

Mechanisms that are normally in place are not there if they're not then you might want to find out who her pastor is or if she has another man in her life who's older that you can talk to an uncle or something a

27:29

Grandparent and just it just you know, be cool about it. Just say I really like your granddaughter

27:35

I really like your daughter really and interested in this girl in your congregation and just kind of wanted to let you know that Because I know that you care about her and you know

27:45

I want the best for her. And so if you have any ever have any concerns or questions, please let me know That that definitely helps

27:54

Numbers, let's see. Where are we at? six Ask thoughtful questions and watch how she carries herself in different situations

28:02

So asking thoughtful questions means you're not just monologuing about yourself You're getting to know her and you want to know specific things about her

28:10

I had a list this is this may not be the way to go I had a hundred questions I came up with and I asked my now wife over the course of months these various questions

28:21

And I was probably a little too quick on some of them I asked her about joint bank accounts a few weeks in and I think it freaked her out But you find the questions that you think would be good to get to actually know her and then ask her let her talk about herself and Put yourself in various situations with her so you can see how she actually functions when you're not just having fun

28:39

You want to see her when things aren't fun because most of life if you marry her isn't always gonna be rah -rah -rah fun

28:46

There's gonna be trials. How does she react to them? Be a gentleman number seven don't but don't put on an act be yourself

28:54

So Romans 12 9 says let love be without hypocrisy a poor was evil cling to what's good This goes for all relationships, but for this one, especially you don't want to be a hypocrite

29:02

You don't want her to find out things about you that she was surprised about You want to be yourself, but you want to be the best version of yourself?

29:11

So, you know put on a nice shirt clean your truck. I mean this stuff should go without saying put on some deodorant

29:19

Take a shower Go pick her up and open the door for her

29:24

Don't make her open the door to get into your truck if you're walking on the sidewalk take the outside when you're walking

29:31

Oh John, you're such a boomer. These are so archaic. Well, guess what? Maybe the boomers conserved some things not everything they believed was liberalism

29:40

So if we cast it all away, we're actually getting rid of some tradition. That might be good That's one of the things that might be good.

29:45

So So do that and yes looking at your boss's eye In your boss's eye while you shake his hand is a good thing

29:52

People are mocking me for that Like you probably think that shaking your boss's hand and looking him in the eye would be good

29:57

And actually I'm like, yeah, actually and I'm I'm proud of it. I don't I don't care I don't think we should get rid of the quorum and standards.

30:05

Wait, but what are you? I mean you trying to like Disintegrate our society we get rid of standards.

30:11

No, let's uphold them. So she will notice that now you don't have to be Take it too far where you're speaking in poetic 19th century language to earth that that comes it'll be yourself.

30:23

All right, but be the best version of yourself. That's the idea here if You wouldn't feel comfortable doing it number eight with your sister.

30:30

Don't do it with her. This is really important All right, if you don't if you wouldn't do it with your sister, don't do it with her.

30:37

You mean I can't kiss her Well, would you kiss your sister? Right, maybe on the cheek

30:43

In some cultures, maybe it would be on the mouth, but it wouldn't be a long kiss, right? Like look I can't hold her hand you hold your sister's hand

30:50

All right. This is a principle and I get it from first Timothy 5 to treat younger women as sisters in all purity

30:56

That's all you have to do Treat her like a sister. Okay Some of you guys out there some of you might be listening.

31:04

I've taken this a little too far where you've over sexualized everything into Any kind of display of affection any compliment any it's all sexualized

31:14

It's all read through this sexual and and so you just stay away from all of it You know if you read older books from the 19th century, especially like forget for example,

31:22

Robert E Lee he was known as a flirt now. I don't know if that was the word used at the time

31:27

I think that might be modern historians imposing but the reason they say that is because he was complimentary towards women

31:33

He had a great relationship with his wife. She wasn't threatened by this. What what what you you you there?

31:39

actually, I'd love to return to a time and I and you have to be judicious about this because circumstances have changed but You a time where you could you can say things that are complimentary

31:50

Especially if you're with a girlfriend you can even say she looks nice. You like that dress, whatever and it's not weird or creepy, right?

31:58

you got to think through this maybe before you you go and exercise it today because we've The me too stuff has completely just buzzsawed the differences between men and women

32:08

So men and women don't know how to treat each other But maybe read some older literature and and start to think of creative ways where you can actually

32:14

Bring some of this back. I don't I'm not telling you to hold the hand of your girlfriend or your fiance

32:21

Maybe it's better if you don't do that But I'm not I'm also saying if that's something that you would do with a sister that there's no reason you

32:29

It's wrong. Don't sexualize everything. Okay? But neither get yourself into a position where you are actually doing sinful things sexually with a member of the opposite sex and That gets into my point nine.

32:44

Remember nothing good happens after midnight. I stole this not steal, but I'm I'm taking it from someone who used to go to my church who had daughters and now it means a lot that I have a daughter so He said nothing good happens after midnight.

32:56

You always say that I remember thinking I was a teenager He was a youth group leader of mine. I was like, yeah, I don't think that's true.

33:01

I mean You know some of my some of my best work some of my best songs some of my greatest laughs happen after midnight

33:09

But I know he was right about that actually and you see in Scripture I just picked one verse a number of verses about this but Romans 13 12 the night is almost gone and the day is near therefore

33:18

Let us lay aside the deeds of darkness put on the arm of light has nothing to do with dating but it does have to do with this there's a

33:24

Association that evil has with the night because it's under the cover of darkness. You don't think anyone's watching. You're tired

33:30

Your defenses are down. You're not thinking straight Don't even get on the phone if I were you after midnight, just don't do it unless it's an emergency

33:37

Don't get on these long phone calls end it at some point. It gets bad. It can get bad

33:43

The when you do things late at night like this just word to the wise Number ten seek wise counsel from trusted friends family or mentors

33:53

Proverbs 11 14 where there is no guidance that people fall but in abundance of counselors there is victory So you want to make sure there's input from people you trust into this whole situation?

34:02

Okay, those are my ten rules for dating That's it. I'll take some questions on it Then we'll get to some social media stuff some stats and we'll end the podcast

34:09

But I hope that was helpful. Okay, and this is just a framework maybe you're someone who didn't think of one of these and now it's

34:18

You're taking it to heart and it'll help you in your future circumstances in pursuing a girl So I'm not giving you any formulas to this is how you really get her to like you or anything

34:27

No, I don't know. These are just more these flow out of virtue understanding what scripture says

34:34

Experience and I think that they are also not about just getting someone to like you they are about what would make for a lasting marriage.

34:42

Okay? All right. Let me get to some questions here and I can't obviously get to all of them

34:48

But I'll try to get to some if I can Matt says I had three rules They had to be a Christian at any time in the dating time.

34:57

I came to view that this is not for me I ended I needed one who was open to moving. So it's really kind of two, isn't it

35:02

Christian and open to moving? That we have cosmic treason. I'm four more qualified than the guys that get married at 22

35:09

But the attitude of both these men and women my age is that I'm not qualified enough now seems like people are expecting a lot more based on your age

35:22

I Okay, so I think if I'm understanding this I do think we have

35:27

Standards that I've lowered to be quite honest it's probably best and healthiest to get married when you're younger when there's peak fertility and You have peak strength and you can really start building a life together if you do it when you're older When you're

35:43

I mean people want to get settled. I understand that But there are drawbacks to that Especially for women they do have a time clock

35:53

How many children they can have and so forth and I think you get more set in your ways the older you get

35:59

So I would encourage you do hard things While you're in your teenage years That's the prep time and you're really you know

36:07

Once you turn 18 that used to be a time when you started to be eligible You could get married not not in the distant past either we look at 18 year olds as kids now because the maturity has changed so much and there's been a lot of enabling and Frankly a lot of juvenile

36:24

Pastimes are popular and and I think college has Extended adolescence because it's it's a big frat party for many people

36:33

I saw this video not long ago of this amusement park opening last or it is earlier this year in Orlando And it was for kids and everyone running in there was 30 or older.

36:42

It looked like and you're thinking What went wrong with this society, right? Don't be like that right if you if you can help it now if you're downstream from that,

36:52

I mean, you know Just mature now, but start doing the things that that make for maturity

37:01

Andrew says some of those superficial things music hobbies. You may not even like yourself in a few decades Yeah, don't base your whole thing on that right

37:11

Henry reminded me of something John I've been working on figuring out a private contract law arrangement to create a biblical agreement and family court thoughts man,

37:20

I don't know your circumstance exactly I wish I could read more of this if you're in a

37:28

Dispute of some kind. Yeah. I mean if you if you have two parties who are Christians I think it's always better to settle it outside of court though Okay Statistics man.

37:39

Hello everybody. I'm here to support John even though I have no plans to ever use this lol Thank you for your support statistics man, we'll get to some statistics in a moment

37:53

Henry says definitely agree with meeting your family for families a mess. She will bring a mess in your relationship You know, my dad said something my dad said you know son

38:06

When you you know, look at her mother Look at how her mother act. She'll probably be similar to her mother

38:13

Some girls aren't some girls take offense to this but I'd say that's actually pretty accurate girl they tend to be mimic their mom because that's who they learned from if they had a good relationship with their mom and Also know that you're not just marrying her you're marrying the family

38:29

He was so right. You are marrying a family So do you want to be part of this family?

38:36

Matt Mark says what if you are a man and can't drive for medical reasons, but otherwise are solid

38:43

Well, it does make things a little more difficult probably with some people but You're not going to be dating those people.

38:51

So you can't I think that's what you're probably getting at Is who's going to drive for the date? I think it's perfectly fine

38:58

If she drives you can still be the initiator you can still be the one to contact her you can see you can even pay for the gas but obviously that there's a

39:09

Natural there's a something in nature. That's just a dysfunction, right? I have some health issues myself and They they kept me back from some things when

39:18

I was younger. I had asthma. I also had Hashimoto's I still have that which is a thyroid condition, right?

39:24

These are natural disorders that will keep you back from some things. I couldn't join the military because of it There but what do you do you find something else to do?

39:32

Right? I really wanted to go in the military at one point So you just have to work around it, but no,

39:38

I don't think there's nothing that says that she can't drive Betty says my two oldest grandsons are dating.

39:44

I screenshotted this. Hope that's okay. Good list I tell them all my 12 grandkids that I'm praying for their spouse.

39:50

That's very wise prayer is so important Okay, I am going to I'm gonna continue on here and we're gonna talk just a little bit about some

40:02

Twitter stuff and Then get into actually let's do the stats first and then we'll do some

40:07

Twitter stuff and then we'll we'll end the show here All right So just real quick.

40:14

I mean you're probably tired of hearing this stuff for me That is not what I wanted to show you. Okay news week news week

40:21

Had a story the title of the story is fears over America's birth rate grow and this is from October 1st, not ancient history

40:28

Where the half of Americans are now worried about the declining birth rate some 53 % of people surveyed in a

40:34

Pew Research poll Said that fewer people not having children would negatively impact the United States Fertility rate will average just 1 .6

40:42

births per woman over the next three decades well short of the 2 .1 needed for a stable population So just to tread water you need 2 .1

40:49

and we're going to 1 .6. This is death spiral stuff Men 59 % are more likely than women 48 % to be concerned about the birth rate

40:58

While partisanship plays a big role 63 % of Republicans and GOP leaners are declined So conservatives want families more than no surprises there

41:09

So this gets into policy and and what we're supposed to do which I'm not going to get into necessarily in this podcast something we talked about quite a bit, but This is frontline news on Newsweek very recent

41:24

This is from September 19th. So earlier in the month Gen Z's priorities are troubling for America's future

41:29

Richard land highlights a poll that is from the NBC News and It says that 34 % of men who voted for Trump said having children was an important priority now

41:40

These are the cream of the crop conservative men, right? They're only 34 % Say like that's men

41:48

Well, it ranked at 9 % among male Harris voters goodness gracious among female

41:54

Trump voters 26 % and Then 6 % of Harris female voters.

41:59

No wonder the American birth rate is now declined to historic lows On a related subject of being married 29 % of male voters listed marriage as a top priority 29 % not even 30 % of male

42:10

Trump voters listed marriage as a top priority I've heard all day from some people that like this is not a problem.

42:18

We totally have enough men who are Interested in marriage they just can't get anywhere

42:24

Well, whether it's they couldn't get anywhere and gave up or whether they gave up out of the gate or whatever It is these stats don't that they're not good if these are accurate.

42:35

I Don't even want to read anymore because it's so depressing. Here's another story for you Or can't this is

42:41

This is from 2024. So this is actually a little it's dated. It's from last year But it says that If I can find it here

42:53

It's 45 now 46 There it is Okay 62 % of Americans who had a steady girlfriend or boyfriend during most of all their teenage years report being married today compared to less than half 46 % of those who did not

43:07

The gap is even wider among younger Americans Let's see here that wasn't the stat.

43:15

I think I wanted to read Okay, UCLA finds that young adults 18 to 24 want to see less sex and romance in their television shows

43:24

That's not what I wanted to read either Okay, Gen Z men are dating less here it is.

43:29

This is I think the bar chart dating less during their teen years Here's the stats millennia man baby boomers dated the most

43:40

Only 20 20 % of baby boomers did not date at all 44 % of Gen Z 44 % that is startling is absolutely startling.

43:50

So people aren't dating. This is not just Christians is everyone right people aren't dating So in response to this

43:56

I said single men Find a girl you think you might like walk up to her ask her if she'd like to go on a date with you if She says no try again with another girl as many times it takes you can do this seems encouraging, right?

44:08

I'm trying to do is encourage I can't show you all the blowback because some of it was from very salty accounts, but I'll show you a little bit.

44:17

Mr Star see some of these guys. I thought about this today It was easy to critique the social justice movement because we knew their leaders.

44:25

It was in all our institutions, etc when when you're critiquing whatever this is this sort of like Some people say it's just Nietzschean vitalism, whatever it is this black piled on marriage and blaming

44:39

When it's not just blaming feminism. It's like some of these guys legitimately are blaming women. They have gripes

44:44

It's like edgelord 223 What do you do with that right you're gonna go discredit edgelord 223, but It there's a sizable amount of anons,

44:57

I don't think that this is a small thing anymore like it's not just oh just ignored It's an on. Well, yeah sometimes but you got an anon here that has almost 3 ,000 likes

45:07

I Did this at my college and they literally opened up a sexual harassment investigation into me and got me expelled now

45:14

I'm on the verge of homelessness and working in the trades Now whether that's true or not, let's just pretend it is

45:20

Doesn't that seems very far -fetched but You ask a girl you say if you'd like to go out to dinner sometime if you'd like to get coffee

45:28

Well, let's make it like, you know, I would if you'd like to go get coffee sometime I'd love to take you if that gets you a sexual harassment charge that alone then remember sovereignty and Providence Maybe you're the one that needs to do the case that sets the precedent to get this ridiculousness thrown out

45:47

Maybe you're the one and I hate to you know, it's a sacrificial lamb, but maybe see a purpose in it here

45:53

That's ridiculous or society dies if people are afraid to talk to a girl if you can't even talk to a girl

46:00

Then we will give up right society's dead. There's no point in going forward I mean you have to talk to them to get to know them to be able to marry them

46:08

So if that is the case Then show me the alternative Know what the guys who are saying things like this are not giving any alternatives.

46:17

They're not giving anything constructive. It's just You're you're a boomer John. You're you can't

46:23

Act you're not giving us anything that's worth considering. It's like, okay, give me something then How do you we need to go from A to B?

46:30

We need to get we have a population decline We're not holding on to our our own culture

46:37

Multiple factors against that but this is one of them Tell me what do you do? How on a macro level what you like?

46:44

We could talk government policies. We could talk a whole bunch of things, but It seems like no matter what

46:50

Plan we have it's going to involve communicating with a woman and if you can't do that if that is going to If you're scared of it because you will get on sexual harassment charges and you'll have to work in the trades

47:03

Oh, what could be worse than working in the trades? Oh my goodness. I worked in the trades for 10 years some of the best years

47:12

Then then what what's the point? I mean, why don't you just go to go pursue your hobbies be a hedonist live life the way you want to live it

47:20

You treat women I guess as if they're I don't I don't even know you can't treat women because you can't talk to them

47:26

Okay, so just go to your hobbies. Have your male friends. I don't know. I mean that that's where they would tell me

47:32

Where else this would lead right? That's this these are not options. These are but they're getting a lot of traction

47:38

Oh This is just another post that I put out there. Yeah, I didn't show this story This is a recent story

47:44

September 23rd how we fell out of love with marriage Allison Raskin anyway, it was from Bendel Wary on X He said literally having to bully young guys in the group chat to ask girls out on dates

47:54

This race is going to fail now for some reason. I don't know. He's saying this race is going to fail

48:00

He's going farther than I'm going. I don't know why he gets the I Don't know some of the same people going after me

48:07

I think are totally fine with him In fact, I've been compared to him and like why can't you be more like Ben?

48:12

It's like I don't know. I'm retweeting Ben. I'm supportive of Ben. Maybe I should be more like Ben Maybe I should start saying this race is going to be so black build on it

48:21

That that's kind of concerning to me I think Ben's doing the right thing But if you guys that they the group chat

48:26

Ostracizing you is gonna be the motive to ask a girl out like what kinds of mechanisms in your if The world right in front of you in real life what kinds of mechanisms are failing that you have to go to an online group chat to get the kind of encouragement and The push to go do this

48:47

That's I don't know what to say to that like that's there that's another issue that I'm like The group chat shouldn't be that important where they're the ones but if they look if that's what it takes

48:58

I'm supporting been a hundred percent. That's what it takes All right All right

49:03

So if you're in the group chat, and that's the last line of defense you tell those single guys if they like the girl go Hey, what do you what's the worst?

49:10

I can that'll happen She says no and you have your heart broken, but you can at least move on after you heal up and talk to another girl

49:18

Involuntary celibate bad advice cold approaching random women on the street and asking them out in 2025 is humiliation ritual

49:25

That will only leave you more frustrated right? This is sort of like the Nick Fuentes It's homosexual to date a girl

49:32

Actually, no This is what we need to do more of and I'll tell you why We are so disconnected and we have such a filter because of screens and technology that guys do not want to actually go do

49:42

Then the necessary thing to actually get to know a girl And I'm not saying all guys and I'm just saying that this is a tendency in our digital age, right?

49:52

It's tendency for girls to there's there's safety behind the screen so Marriage isn't like that marriage is real and You better get used to it starting at some point that you are going to have to face that person

50:07

Otherwise you also waste a lot of time because someone can project anything they want It's easy through the filter of social media

50:13

You get to know when you see them in different circumstances You get to see their expressions and in real time how they react without thinking about it their reflexes.

50:22

That's what I'm talking about That's what you need to do now more than ever because the deception online is at an all -time high.

50:28

So actually Yes, and and also Cold approaching women.

50:34

No, that's obviously not what I said a Girl, you might like means you've had some experience with her now that may mean

50:41

You have to go to find a church where you there are girls present or a college career group or something like that a young Singles group or a mixer it might mean you do need to go online for that initial start

50:52

But then you go from online to real life as soon as you can But you may need to that's where you if that's where you need to go

50:59

That's where you need to go to try to find them use a dating service or something like that a courtship Whatever word you want to use

51:07

So so yes, I know something about the person you have to in order to like them on some level, right

51:15

TJ says this and he got quite a bit of traction I thought you were younger than me

51:20

John, but apparently you're a boomer I got a lot of people saying I'm a boomer. You really shouldn't give be giving sing

51:26

Single and men advice when you have no clue. I have no clue Stay in your lane and give married men advice your single advice.

51:33

I'll just say stinks Okay. Well, I mean that's just an ad hominem, right? There's nothing substantive there it's just I don't like you is the summation of that which that's a lot of it, but I Don't know if I have no clue who this guy is in real life, so I don't know if there's wounds that have opened up because of Reminder I have no clue, but I I'll just say this.

51:55

Um, I Thought about sharing my story, right? And I don't really want to share it fully and it's not nothing to hide or embarrassing or anything.

52:04

It's just It's I don't know how relevant it is right like so I updated a number of girls some dates were one time and I could realize on the first date.

52:17

This wasn't Probably gonna work and then they were more casual. It's just like let's go get some let's go to Dunkin Donuts and talk

52:23

Let's go to Starbucks back when you could go to Starbucks and let's talk, right? I was trying

52:31

I was friends with girls I tried to be and there were some girls actually became pretty good friends with in group settings primarily

52:38

But a lot of this was through mechanisms like church and college career groups and homeschool groups

52:44

I did meet some girls at college and on at work but most of the time those were girls I wasn't interested in pursuing

52:49

I did go on one date with a girl who is outside of those Christian circles and But it was one day.

52:58

I Realize, you know, you could tell right away. This wasn't gonna work so,

53:03

I don't know just be friendly and try to be normal as much as you can and Don't put pressure on it.

53:08

Initially. You're just getting to know the person right just like you would a friend and And as it gets more you don't have to this is one of the things about courtship like You don't have to figure out if you're going to marry them before you actually date them that actually puts a pressure that makes

53:23

I think you can get into a bad relationship when you have that kind of pressure initially, so Just play it cool

53:31

That that's all I'll say like And at some point you do have to make the connection and I'm open to ideas

53:38

If there's a better way to do it then show me but Just I'm getting all this negative stuff, but no positive like What there was one pot what there's

53:46

I didn't show it There's this girl who got some traction who was saying you should go up to a girl and just ask her Can I flirt with you instead of can

53:52

I? Take you out to coffee or dinner and I'm like I'm thinking well,

53:57

I mean, I've never heard that I Think that would be more likely to get you in trouble with harassment and so forth.

54:05

Can I flirt with you but Hey if as Rush Limbaugh says if in real Linda That's what you got to do if that's the as as in real

54:13

Linda do in real Linda So, okay I mean if that's what you have to do to go from A to B and I only would mean flirt in a very innocent sense of like It's just so weird.

54:24

I can't imagine. It's so weird. Don't do that Unless you know what she's talking about because I don't

54:31

I'm gonna joke with you. I want to I want to I don't know have small talk with you

54:37

Can I have small talk with you? Why don't you say hey, would you want to get coffee sometime?

54:42

You don't have to answer me now, let me know Okay, King Trout King Trout says what an embarrassing gay way to ask a girl out

54:51

Okay, it's very gay to to ask a girl out by saying would you like to go out?

55:00

I don't know I'm married. I've got a girl little girl. I mean, I feel like it's worked out for me. I Dated other girls and had

55:10

You know, I felt like decent relationships. I don't know. I visited that advice always seemed to work

55:16

She's like go ask she says no she says no All right, David Edgington who

55:22

I respect He's been on the podcast a few times says casual dating is not the way forward and I'll just say this briefly if it's

55:29

Dating without the intention of eventually getting married and you're just there to have fun and there's no

55:37

Thought that you eventually want to get married, right? If you if you're not gonna cut it off, even though you know, this person is not the person you would want to marry

55:46

Then yes, that's not what I'm talking about. Obviously, though I am talking and maybe it's not obvious to some so That's not what

55:52

I'm talking about I am saying you have to start somewhere and if it's a courtship model and you're in a high -trust society a group of a

56:01

Church where you can do that then praise God, right? if you can get to know the strong group settings under supervision as much as possible with outside input and Maybe even a chaperone.

56:13

I'm all for it. Go do it, but just do it I think in most circumstances that world has largely evaporated but the places that still exist go do it.

56:21

All right That's I'm with David Edgington. All right. Sure.

56:27

Don't do casual dating then but Do something do something and it's gonna involve talking to a girl at some point

56:35

All right, George Spalding Says step one develop yourself into a man ask well -married men to tell you one thing to improve

56:43

About yourself and work on it then don't ask for a date Have a little game talk to girls see who seems to like you ask her to go do something together

56:52

I'm all for having a little I don't know. I don't like the word game I'm all for having a little bit of introspection about yourself

56:59

Just a little to see maybe you are being sued I mean, I think some people read their experience into these things some people needed that for themselves

57:06

So they think everyone needs it. I don't know If you are getting shot down a lot, okay

57:12

Then you probably do you should talk to someone that's older than you that you trust just ask them

57:19

Do I have boogers on my nose like is there something that's going on here? Why why am

57:24

I do I need now? This is very sensitive topic But hey, do I need to go lose a bunch of weight and because there's something blaringly obvious that You know,

57:32

I'm not saying you can't as a an overweight person get married at all I'm just saying like it might decrease some of your chances with some girls.

57:41

So those are the kinds of things Yeah, you maybe you do need to do some self -improvement But it doesn't mean you don't stop looking doesn't mean you don't stop trying to find a wife

57:50

Okay, getting to the near the end here. Oh, that is the end. Okay. Those are the only ones I wanted to show you I guess I'll take some questions.

57:57

We'll land the plane John should a man always expect a woman to move to where he is

58:02

Should a man ever expect to move to where the woman is adult depends to be honest with you It depends on circumstance

58:08

I think in general the woman's gonna move to where the man is because the man's on a mission From God and she's gonna be the helpmate on that mission and usually the geographic

58:17

Location for that the job whatever it is is gonna be in an area of them Now there are men who have jobs where they can move they have flexibility and maybe

58:26

I've seen this where a man doesn't have A very strong family unit. They don't have a lot of support structure They have nothing to lose and I'll go and they'll move into this strong ingrained support structure that the wife has so I Think it all depends on circumstance, but I think the wife needs to be willing to move certainly

58:42

That's and that's hard for some some people. I mean look it's To be a woman and to grow up and then to I mean you better trust the guy that's leading you

58:51

I know I know why that can be apprehensive You want a guy you keep that loves you that cares about you that's gonna take your best interest into account

59:01

Ryan says we teach our boy to get their lives in order job, etc Making themselves in a marriage material hold your own standards.

59:07

I pray for a woman who can make you better. Amen Yurter should

59:14

I go to a seeker sensitive church with girls Or a biblically accurate church full of boomers with no girls.

59:20

Well, let's dictate my Sunday. I Actually have told people that if you can

59:27

Do both try to do both in the sense of if there's like a Bible study a small group

59:32

Service at a different time. Yeah, go to the one that's a little watered down that has more girls So that I mean you got a fish where the fish are right?

59:41

So go there and girls They they're gonna follow they that's how they're designed

59:47

I should put it this way not they're going to as it's a foregone conclusion But the design is we're supposed to be following a man who's got purpose and vision.

59:54

So Yes, I mean even To get personalized if there's a lot of biographical

01:00:00

I would say that Yeah, every single one of the girls that I think I've ever dated

01:00:06

Was either not I don't think any of them were reformed in their soteriology. Yeah now

01:00:11

I'm thinking about it I don't know if any of them were I I Had the mindset of because I wanted a girl who was committed to the

01:00:19

Lord and would bend to Scripture would submit to Scripture That was it really for the spiritual qualifications there.

01:00:26

I wanted her to have a submissive spirit and so forth Her theology, you know, if she was went to a charismatic

01:00:32

Church I knew with as I was able to lead her in Scripture that she would bend to what the

01:00:38

Scripture said and sure enough that Is what I've seen multiple times so That that would be my advice

01:00:47

Let's see Here's a question. I think what authority do I have over women?

01:00:53

I'm not married to That's a good question, you actually really don't have much authority over women

01:00:59

You're not married to but if you're in a pursuit if you're pursuing dating marriage, and so you're not married yet But you're pursuing that you're kind.

01:01:07

It's a stage where you are Examining what the person would be like if you went into the marriage relationship and I Do think yeah a guy can't demand immediate

01:01:22

Submission From a girl in every facet of her life or anything like that when you're starting out dating

01:01:29

But I think this is something that organically grows as she learns to trust you That she that when you have advice when you have things to say she'll listen now if you find that that's not growing

01:01:37

That might be a yellow flag. If not a red flag, so This is something that happens gradually

01:01:45

She's got to know if there's something very important to you that it could jeopardize the relationship if she doesn't do it

01:01:51

Maybe if it's something that's really, you know You don't want her to go on a trip that you see as compromising or something

01:01:57

And if she does it anyway, then you know, that's that's kind of put tension in the relationship. I would put tension in a friendship someone really cared about this and you went and did it anyway, so But you don't have authority like you don't have husbandly authority yet.

01:02:11

Not until you say I do All right, Sam me fun Fallen he me says majority of even

01:02:19

Christian women have adopted components of feminism and egalitarianism What advice do you have for single

01:02:24

Christian men who want a traditional Christian family structure? You get as close as you can and Look I fully believe this that the vast majority of women in this country have on some level adopted some of the

01:02:42

Conclusions or presuppositions or standards or just the ethos of feminism on some level

01:02:49

It may just be like, you know Christian school Painting on the wall for elementary kids that says, you know

01:02:57

You are a child of the king and there's nothing in the boys classroom, right? Like these kinds of things do at an early stage.

01:03:04

I think impact the way women think They're the princess that kind of thing now How do you how do you deprogram that right it's not this is something that God has to do

01:03:16

I think it's sometimes gradual and I think like I said if you find the girl who's pursuing the right things going in the right direction willing to bend to scripture and Has some of these faulty some faulty thinking but she's willing to do those things then those problems take care of themselves and you will be able to talk to her honestly about it and It It'll be something that she'll want to change if she's a godly individual so if you're already married and you're seeing these tendencies, then it's a discussion with your wife of look

01:03:48

I I love you. I want to give him I'm charged to give myself to you as Christ did sacrifice himself for the church

01:03:54

I would really appreciate it if you Didn't do this or did do this. It would make my job easier and it's because I love you.

01:04:02

I'm saying this I'm saying because I want what's best for you. I'm supposed to present you before the Lord as washed clean

01:04:08

It's not that I'm trying to just get what I can out of you, which is I think as some woman might interpret it

01:04:14

So you gotta be careful of that don't you know? It's not just forcing your way and trying to make it sound like it's about you

01:04:22

This is about her and the Lord to you are you are sacrificing yourself in that moment risking some slight alienation from even your wife

01:04:30

To tell her the truth to help her and she'll sense that she'll sense that all right,

01:04:36

I gotta end this because I have Pushed my little girl beyond what she should be pushed.

01:04:42

She needs to sleep This is half the room in my office half the room is her crib Do you really think that the worst thing a woman can say is no?

01:04:49

What about telling you you're a creeper accusing you of something? Well, I addressed that earlier. Yeah, I mean if that happens then in the providence of God If it becomes like a court case, maybe you're the one that's there to be the to fight it on the legal level or you know, if she if she just says you're a creep then

01:05:09

I mean It's you got to get to a point where? that I Mean, I don't want to minimize that.

01:05:18

I know that can be hurtful, right? But I do I I'm just gonna be brutally honest here.

01:05:23

I do sense that there are is a group of guys I don't know how big it is that They listen to some of this hyper -manosphere stuff and and that it explains, you know, so it's usually from Ideas in people's heads or natural instincts characteristics that the way this is why women are the way they are

01:05:44

This is why you can't get a date. This is why this or that and There's a sort of maternalism in it,

01:05:50

I'm not gonna lie, I don't I don't find any of these guys compelling You know, I don't find

01:05:56

Andrew Tate compelling I just don't I don't I didn't I never actually this is kind of weird maybe

01:06:02

I never really listened to Jordan Peterson a few videos that were popular, but I I never and he's like mild stuff, right but You know,

01:06:13

I didn't Elijah Schaefer and his theory about women and men and why they're different but ontologically

01:06:19

I never Wasn't into that stuff. It's not interesting to me. It's not so so obviously

01:06:25

I have a you know personal kind of distaste for it, but I think the reason

01:06:31

I have a personal distaste for it in part is the masculinity that they Project is look at me.

01:06:39

I am I have muscles I Say curse words that I offend your sensibilities.

01:06:48

I'm a man and And I just always saw that as okay, that's like a Like a high school doing a really more junior high kind of thing to do.

01:06:56

That's like my soccer team My soccer team was everything was gay everything right when

01:07:01

I was like 13 14 That's so gay. Is that what everyone said, right? And And it was just like what kind of edgy things.

01:07:09

Can you can you say that would get a rise out of people? It's just kids stuff, right? You laugh about it.

01:07:14

It's the dirty jokes and all the rest and And there but then when it comes to like The situation men are in where They have less of a chance to find a wife because so many of them have been programmed by feminism and it's so hard And I'll write all these circumstances

01:07:33

They end up becoming kind of maternalistic and I think the guys who listen to them sometimes It's not they're not looking for a father figure.

01:07:40

That's it. That's how it's always been interpreted They're looking for a father figure Jordan Peterson says clean your room have standards maybe a little bit

01:07:47

I think yeah, maybe there's a little bit of that there I'm not against that that kind of analysis, but I think there's something else here.

01:07:53

I think they're actually looking for a mom I hate to say it Maybe I'm though maybe I'm unique in saying this but I have thought this for a while like they're looking for a mommy a

01:08:02

Mommy who's going to tell them why their life hasn't worked out the way that they wanted it to and it's really because the deck

01:08:07

Was just stacked against them and they're and they can rage -bait you can just be mad at the world Be bad, you know all those people those elites that were against you and created the circumstances

01:08:16

It's just Jews boomers and women they did this to you and look at me. I'm not gonna do I'm not gonna let you down I'm not gonna reject you you can trust me

01:08:24

I'm not gonna kick you to the curb like your other leaders did right? It's just it's like it's mommy stuff to me

01:08:29

It's just not it's not compelling to men. I would get off that stuff. Frankly. I wouldn't listen to it

01:08:35

I think it reinforces some bad tendencies and that's a freebie I guess but You get to know like listen to good

01:08:44

Bible teachers, I would listen to them over that I would listen to good political commentators over that.

01:08:50

I just wouldn't listen to those guys there They're not giving you any kind of insight You might think you're getting the forbidden knowledge the insight, but it's not really it's junior high stuff

01:09:01

It's just not worthy of I think adult conversation so often And yeah, and I and I've listened because I there was a young man.

01:09:09

I knew who really liked Andrew Tate. So hi Okay, so I'm gonna listen to all this Andrew Tate and look look he explains this perfectly

01:09:15

I'm like he does get some things right, but there's poison in the in in in the cookie that he's making anyway

01:09:22

Okay, so did I I don't even if I answer the question. I probably didn't so oh, yeah Is that the worst thing that could happen?

01:09:28

All right. Well look Maybe she says that you're a creep. Okay. She says you're a creep

01:09:33

You know, you're not a creep other people like you may or you maybe you should think about it, too Were you a creep?

01:09:39

Maybe you were a creep in the way that you did it Right. I mean you you could you could say the same thing and you could say it in a public venue at church

01:09:48

No big deal or you know, I don't know at work or whatever you could go or you could like show up at her house

01:09:53

At 11 p .m. And be like, would you like to go on a date? I mean, that's a little creepy Not gonna lie,

01:09:58

I mean, it's like how long have you been out here you stalking me are you like what's What's going on?

01:10:04

All right, so maybe you were a creep So so maybe take it to heart. Maybe it's and it's an intervention happening

01:10:11

But look if you're not being a creep and you know it and she's just being mean that she's a mean girl And you know what the other guys when they find out they probably will take that Notice of that and and it's gonna it's gonna hurt her reputation to that.

01:10:24

She I Mean especially in like post me to you start Saying things that aren't true.

01:10:30

Okay, I kind of might might come back to hurt her any insight on how to Know a pursuit of getting to know a woman based on lust or a godly desire for marriage

01:10:40

Bernie Goodness that oh man. I gotta land the plane guys. That's such a big topic

01:10:46

How can I boil this down? I think you're gonna have some attraction. Okay, that's not wrong to have attraction

01:10:53

Potentially if you were married to this woman, you would find her physically desirable

01:10:58

All right, so you can you can notice those things you can notice that in a woman's face that she's attractive

01:11:03

I think God wired you that way. There's nothing wrong with that Now if it becomes lust where you're

01:11:13

You want to fantasize about what that would look like in a marriage then you need to try to take measures to stop that But I'm reminded of what

01:11:20

Paul said if you burn get married, okay So so if it's if there's lust that's mixed in with some illegitimate desires for What God's given you you want to have a family one of kids?

01:11:33

You want to have someone who's godly who will help make you more godly and you can help them then in that particular circumstance

01:11:40

The Paul says get married. So there you go So if it's only lust though, then you don't want to do that You know, but and I wouldn't say you wouldn't you really don't want to have lust in the sense of like sinful lust

01:11:52

Where you're desiring sexually? But you but you know men know when you look at a girl whether or not if you were in that covenant relationship

01:12:00

Whether that was something that you would be able to pursue Okay, I think we're gonna

01:12:06

I think that's it. I wish I had time for more guys. I appreciate all of you and And God bless we'll talk more tomorrow tomorrow

01:12:15

Matthew Pearson's back with the American churchman I think we're gonna be talking about Bodie bockham a bit. I have been in spin hard.

01:12:22

It still hasn't hit me I thought it would hit me Monday. I was at a retreat when he died This one's hard for me guys.