SERMON: Proverbs 7 (Female Sexual Sin)

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Thank you for subscribing to the Shepherds Church podcast. This is our Lord's Day sermon We pray that as we declare the

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Word of God that you would be encouraged Strengthened in your faith and that you would catch a greater vision of who

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Christ is May you be blessed in the hearing of God's Word and may the Lord be with you

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Now if you're new today, you're here in a very interesting time because not only do you have the

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Smooth southern tones of Kendall for leading worship but you also are in the middle of a series on sexual sin a

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Series that we've been going through for about five weeks now in a series where we've talked about what?

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Proverbs 7 has to say and It's a series and today is going to be no different where we don't tiptoe around The carnage that happens in the topic of lust

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In fact, we have went straight for the proverbial jugular because sexual sin doesn't need to be coddled

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It actually needs to be executed for if by the Spirit of God you put to death the misdeeds of the flesh Then you will live sexual sin is certainly on that list

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Now as we've done over the past several weeks in Proverbs 7 We've looked at the man who was led down to death by sexual sin and we viewed it as a kind of spiritual autopsy report

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We've traced every single Frozen broken artery of male compromise until we have found what the disease was that killed him and we looked at 15 different examples of that This week we're gonna do the exact same work

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But instead of focusing on the men this week We're gonna use Proverbs 7 to direct our aim towards female sexual sin

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And this will be the final sermon in this little mini series that we've been in which is what

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Proverbs 7 has been talking about Now again, this is an uncomfortable topic because this is

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Not spoken about really at all in churches, I Can't remember a single sermon that I've heard on this passage and every week when we're in the book of Proverbs I feel like I'm preaching the first sermon that I've ever heard on these topics

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But these are important topics Because they're killing Christians Because they're ruining and shipwrecking faith because they're breaking up marriages

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So we want to speak about these topics in the way that the Bible does so that our people so that you and I can have joyful Christian faith and community in that most holy and sacred community, which is marriage

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Now I do need to give a disclaimer here Because I think it goes without saying that there's not a single woman here

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Unless you're living some kind of secretive and entirely hidden life that that is the

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Proverbs 7 woman None of you at least I pray to God. It's true are participating in open harlotry

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I Pray none of you are cheating on your husband while he's away on business So in that sense, I pray to God that this passage doesn't apply strictly to you

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But as we'll see today There may be tendencies in your heart

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There may not be the fully grown sins of the Proverbs 7 woman, but there may be pre -born illnesses that are similar to hers and maybe just maybe as We look at the feminine heart today.

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And again, you'll have to excuse me in an intersectional world I'm a man speaking about the feminine heart. So you will have to excuse me on that But as we say what the

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Bible says I pray that it would be relatable and I pray that we would be able to see in Our hearts where we sin against God now what the sermon is not going to do

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Is I am not going to say thou shalt not stand on the street corner and participate in harlotry.

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I Honestly think that's a given So I'm gonna assume that right up front

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But what the sermon is gonna do is it's gonna look at the internal motivations that lead to female sexual ruin and I pray that it would cause us to repent and have great joy in purity and all holiness so with that Will you turn with me to Proverbs chapter 7?

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We're gonna read it one final time this week the whole chapter and we're going to explore what it says

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This is the Word of the Lord My son Keep my words and treasure my commandments within you keep my commandments and live and My teaching as the apple of your eye

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Bind them on your fingers write them on the tablet of your heart say to wisdom. You are my sister and Call understanding your intimate friend

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That they may keep you from an adulterous From the foreigner who flatters with her words

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For at the window of my house I looked out through my lattice and I saw among the naive and discerned among the youths a man lacking sense passing through the streets near her corner and he takes the way to her house in the twilight in the evening in the middle of the night and in the darkness and Behold a woman comes to meet him

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Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart She is boisterous and rebellious

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Her feet do not remain at home She is now in the streets now in the squares and lurks by every corner so she seizes him and kisses him and With a brazen face.

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She says to him. I Was due to offer peace offerings Today I have paid my vows

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Therefore I have come out to meet you to seek your presence earnestly and I have found you and I've spread my couch with coverings with colored linens of Egypt.

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I Have sprinkled my bed with myrrh aloes and cinnamon Come let us drink our fill of love until morning

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Let us delight ourself with caresses For my husband is not home. He has gone on a long journey

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He has taken a bag of money with him At the full moon, he will come home

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With her many persuasions she entices him With her flattering lips.

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She seduces him suddenly, he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter or as one and fetters to the discipline of a fool until an arrow pierces through his liver as A bird hastens to the snare so he does not know that it will cost him his life now

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Therefore my sons listen to me and pay attention to the words of my mouth Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways

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Do not stray into her paths for many are the victims. She has cast down and Numerous are all her slain

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Her house is the way to she'll Descending to the chambers of death. This is the word of the

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Lord Let's pray Lord.

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We thank you Again as I prayed earlier that your word is so comprehensive and so kind to share with us these truths

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Lord let us look at this passage as Just as God breathed as some of our favorite passages as just as inspired by the

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Spirit of God It's Hebrews 12 Romans 8 Lord.

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Thank you for this passage. May it be a balm of Encouragement may it be a protection against ruin in Lord God by your spirit

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Would you cause it to make us a people where this sin is not named? It's in Jesus name.

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We pray. Amen Now I'm gonna do this today in a sort of categorical way for the men

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I basically It with with great joy listed a bunch of Latin terms for illnesses

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Because I thought that would be playful and I thought that it would be helpful for us men But today for the ladies,

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I'd like to just approach this in a very categorical way And I'd like to talk about two categories of sexual sin that are exposed in this passage now the first one is what

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I'm calling attitudinal transgenderism and Maybe you're like, why would you call it that?

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Well because This woman is not acting like a woman. She's acting like the very worst kind of man

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She's acting like a man who is Carnal and who sleeps around and who lusts for pleasure?

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She's leaving her home and she's working in the street. She's working Like a man in the world of men and In that sense proverb seven is the perfect picture of the icon or the heroine of feminism

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She embodies all the virtues of feminism She's a good example of what feminism dreams about that that feminism

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Says that men can be just like women and in so doing they've actually Taught and pushed women to become more like men than actually like women

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And In that sense feminism is not actually pro -woman in any meaningful way because it brings death to her

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It brings evil upon her and all who participate in that delusion end up robbed of joy

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I've said this many times and I don't even mean it as a joke, but it is funny. You've never met a happy feminist

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Because it's it withers them. It ruins their joy and It teaches them

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To act like the very worst kind of men to be sexually immoral sexually profligate go out into the world work and do not at all pursue feminine beauty or feminine godliness

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When a woman is in that situation and she rejects the submission to a man in order to pursue her

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Feminine calling she'll either become ruled by men or she will end up behaving like men and In that sense this verse reveals the symptom and the disease she is boisterous and rebellious and her feet

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Do not remain at home this is one of the most jarring verses in the entire chapter because it defines this woman in terms that are usually used for wicked men

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Boisterous Rebellious and feet that do not remain at home Solomon doesn't say that she was momentarily angry

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Solomon doesn't say that she was having a bad day he says that her fundamental nature is boisterous and rebellious and wild and unrestrained before God and That sense

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Solomon is not describing a feminine woman He is describing a woman who will not restrain herself

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Solomon Does not begin with her adultery He begins with her attitude Isn't that interesting?

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He doesn't begin with what her body does. He begins with what her head and her heart believe That she's rebellious unrestrained unbridled loose wild which are not compliments to her and Perhaps this begs the question

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Well, then what is a woman supposed to be if this woman is the anti woman if she's the opposite of womanhood if she's loud and boisterous and unrestrained and What is the woman supposed to be?

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Well scriptures tell us these things We read one of those verses earlier from first Peter 3 a woman is supposed to be gentle and quiet and that pleases

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God Look at what it says rather It should be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and a quiet spirit

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Which is precious in the sight of God. This is the polar opposite of the Proverbs 7 woman who is boisterous and wild and loud

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God prizes feminine femininity that is serene and humble

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Second she's supposed to be a woman is supposed to be Submissive to her own husband wives be subject to your own husbands as to the

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Lord those aren't Kendall's words Those are the words of the Holy Scripture and in that sense submission is not weakness sisters

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Submission is covenantal strength Submission is reflecting upon your joyful service to your husband as you enact the joyful service of the church

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To her bridegroom Jesus Christ That's why Paul says that a

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Submission or submission in marriage and a husband being as Christ to his wife is a very picture of the gospel

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So it's not weakness. It's freedom The third thing the scriptures teach and these are all categories, um, there's hundreds of verses we could go through But the third thing that it says is that she is to be a keeper of her home

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Titus 2 4 through 5 says encourage the young women to love their husbands to love their children to be sensible pure and workers at home

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The words there in those passages mean what they mean that a woman's sanctuary is her home a woman's

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Garden is her home her feminine Blessings are planted in the soil of the home where they bring life

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And again, this is the exact opposite of the Proverbs 7 woman whose feet do not remain at home

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And this is not a woman who is out running errands. This is not a woman who's gone to I don't even know people do

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This anymore when I was a kid my grandma and I used to go to the post office And that was like a big field day or field trip

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Her feet are not out on errands that are good and godly her feet are not remaining at home because she's rejected her femininity and her calling a

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Woman is supposed to be respectful and reverent Titus 2 3 there to be reverent in their behavior not malicious Gossips teaching what is good there to be clothed with strength and dignity

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Proverbs 31 25 strength and dignity are her covering and she Smiles at the future her children rise up and call her blessed

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She is to love God's design for womanhood first Timothy 2 11 through 12 Let a woman learn quietly with entire submissiveness

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But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over man to but to remain quiet and in that passage

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Paul roots That all the way back to Eve He's saying that there is something Creationally different between male and female and because God is good and God does all things that are good

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We should rejoice in the goodness of the design of male and female and not like this woman who is rebellious and unrestrained

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And hates her own nature And what is the result of all of this?

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Again, we said that her feet do not remain at home But her feet actually lead her and the ones who participate with her down into death

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This woman has the kind of femininity that may be beautiful it may have curves that may be lively But she uses her body instead of bringing life to the world.

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She uses it to bring death now that disease

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We see it here in its most morbid form But we have to ask ourself the question.

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Does that disease ever have any effect on? Christian women

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Can we just write this woman off completely as being totally irrelevant We have nothing that we can see here of any application or any value.

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I Don't think so. I Think that the spirit behind this woman has actually moved into Christian homes has infected the pews of Christian churches and Has manifested itself in women who wear the most modest clothing and quote scripture

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How does this apply to you? Well, I'm not sure but maybe There is something inside of your heart that is still untamed and wild there is some spirit of rebellion inside of you that acts more like a carnal man than a godly example of femininity

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Some examples of this are the woman who interrupts her talks over her husband Because she needs to control the conversation because she thinks he's too

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Neanderthalic to say what he means This is a woman who mocks male leadership with snide jokes

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About her husband's inability or laughs about things with her friends The seedbed of contentment or contempt, excuse me is there

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This is the woman who withholds intimacy warmth and affection Because she is trying to punish him or teach him or because she's showing him who's really in charge

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It's the kind of woman who corrects her husband constantly through nagging or through public shame or through treating him like he's a child

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That must be managed rather than honored This is a woman who resents his leadership but hides in a kind of Christian piety.

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I just want to make sure that we're being wise When in reality, it's an excuse that she doesn't actually want to follow

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This is a woman who uses sarcasm and passive aggression to resist saying fine with folded arms,

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I'll obey I'll follow Listen to how I'm talking to you right now look

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This is a woman who See submission as a threat to her autonomy

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She confuses strength with control and she sees yielding as a weakness rather than worship

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This is a woman who makes major decisions without her husband What with with the way she spends or schedules or commits and she demands his support after the fact

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This is a woman who teaches her children to question their father's authority saying well, that's the way dad does it

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But I wouldn't have done it that way. It's very subtle Again, we're not talking about the lady who's standing on the street corner who is totally consumed with rebellion

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But we are talking about the spirit of it And we are trying to identify the seed bed forms of it

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This is the woman who prays for him to change but not for her submission This is the woman who treats submission as conditional

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Well, I will do that if he does this or I am not doing that because he is not doing this.

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In fact ladies The scripture doesn't say that that's conditional The scripture say wife submit to your own husband's if he takes out the trash or if he treats me like I'm supposed to be treated or if or if or if or if we do this all of us both male and Female we do this with the

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Word of God. We make conditions where conditions don't exist because the heart is deceptive and wicked above all things and We make excuses for obedience all the time.

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It's not just females. It's males. It's children. It's adults It's it's everyone This is a woman who hides rebellion behind respectable language and calls it discernment

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Calls it boundaries calls it being wise but deep down it's just pridefulness and rebellion disguised in Christian knees

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Now before you object you say that's not me I'm not the proverb seven woman I would ask you to pause and To ask the

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Spirit of God where am I resisting your design and pretending that I'm honoring it? Where am

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I being boisterous? Maybe it's not in sexual sin. Maybe it's in other areas. But where what areas are there because ladies and gentlemen there are there are a myriad of different sins where we have been wild and boisterous and rebellious where we could repent and Humility is needed.

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I think probably perhaps the most powerful effect of sin is Pride. Oh That's not me

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I'm not the Unexamined heart. I'm I look at it at an inch deep and I say that's not me.

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That's not me. That can't be me Can it not? You may not be

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Burning bras at the next GA feminism rally, but you may be burning your witness through subtle tiny micro sins

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That you could repent of and submit to the Holy God Again we say humility is needed

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Because look at what the scriptures say about woman the about the beauty of womanhood wives be subject your own husbands as to the

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Lord It is a glory to submit Listen, I love being a man and I can't even possibly fathom what it'd be like to be a woman, but there are times

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Where I'm like, man, this is a wonderful verse Be Christ to my wife How can

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I possibly do that? She has to submit to an idiot That's so much easier than trying to be

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Christ to her Don't reject it. That's freedom. That's glory.

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That's that's when the church is glorifying her Savior most fully That's what that looks like that sort of praise and honor and worship one women

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You are acting out the drama of the gospel in the way that you care for your husband.

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It's a glorious thing and You don't have to actually submit to a very to a flawed man because who you're actually submitting to is the flawless

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Christ You don't have to agree with a man who gets it wrong all the time.

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You agree with a man who always got it, right? You're agreeing with Christ. You're loving your husband.

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You're loving through your husband to Jesus and in that sense

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Submission is not a loss of your identity. It's part of your sanctification It's not passivity.

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It's power Rightly aimed. It's not inferiority.

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It's glory in Order and rightly ordered What does this look like?

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This is a wife who supports her husband with grace and not grumbling This is a woman who offers her feedback and correction with humility instead of hostility

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This is a woman who prays for her husband in private and praises him in public

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This is a woman who seeks to strengthen him not to steer him to honor him not to dishonor him to love him like She is loving the church or like she's loving

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Christ again, toxic feminism has poisoned so much of our views of what womanhood is and I pray that as we look at these things as we look at how the

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Bible defines womanhood that we would see it as glorious Proverbs 14 one says the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands you don't need to win the argument and Lose the marriage

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You don't need to have the moral high ground and watch your home sink underneath you in the trenches

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Submission is not about your husband's worth Submission is about the worthiness of Jesus.

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And when you do that when you worship your most flawless King You build up your house.

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It is a grace that God gives you as you do what God has commanded you your greatest weapon ladies

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In a struggling marriage is not control

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It's Christ centeredness That's the first thing the first category the second is a

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Self -justifying religious tendency that creeps into the heart of womanhood that creeps into this woman's heart where she uses her faith to justify her for sexual sin

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Proverbs 7 13 through 14 says so she seizes him and kisses him and with a brazen face

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She says to him I was due to offer peace offerings Today I have paid my vows

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What's happening in this passage is not at first sexual sin

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What's happening first is a poisoned heart that's using Her relationship with God.

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She's a she's a Jew. She's a member of the covenant community. She's paying offerings at the temple

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She's saying today. I've paid my vows. She's participating in the mosaic religion and While it's easy to just pin her for sexual sin

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Because it's right there on the nose underneath all of her perversion is A perverted religion a religion that seeks to justify her behavior

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Look at what she says. She says I've offered my peace offerings. I paid my vows So now I can kind of do what

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I want. I went to church. I Did my devotions? I I read my

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Bible reading plan now I can do what I want Because at the heart of it she thinks she deserves it

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I've done my religious duty and Now I deserve this and this is not repentance this is self justification cloaked in religious formalism

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She's not sitting in spite of her faith. She's using her faith to excuse her sin she's dragging

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God's name down into her rebellion and baptizing it in her religious performance and She's using

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God's altar to validate her sin. And in this sense,

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I Know the hardest part of this passage is going to be for us to relate to this woman because she's so spoiled and so rotten and So broken that it's going to be very difficult for us to see where this

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Lands on us, but I would ask you Do we not?

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struggle with the same things Do we not baptize our rebellion with religious performance?

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I Think the same lie is alive and well today. I've tried hard. I've been patient with him

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I've carried so much of the burden of this relationship. He's put me in this situation. I've waited so long for him to grow up Surely God understands

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What she's doing there. She's negotiating with God instead of repenting She's saying look at my record

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Therefore now I can do what I want. She might not be standing out on the street corner like this woman in Proverbs 7, but she is

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Giving him attitude. She is Giving him dishonor because she thinks she's earned it through her performance

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It's the same exact sin at a different level on the spectrum but I also think

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That the major point in this passage is also true as well. So I don't want to generalize this too much

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This woman is using her relationship with God as a justification for sinning sexually and The way that we often think about that the sinning sexually part is in the way that she goes in Her wild perversions, but ladies there are ways to send sexually and to use religious language as a

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Christian as a follower of Christ as someone who is raising hands and worship and Every morning opening the scriptures and here are 12 practical ways that this can happen

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How do Christian women sin sexually and justify themselves in doing it?

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number one Withholding affection as a punishment When a wife withholds affection from her husband

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She's using it as a form of control because maybe he said something wrong or he didn't help enough or he failed again and in Doing that she shuts the door on Affection to her husband and feels justified in doing so.

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Well, he wouldn't have done that He wouldn't get the cold shoulder even though the

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Bible Commands us do not deprive one another unless for a season of prayer and Yet she feels justified because he's not meeting her standard

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That's the first way is withholding intimacy as a form of punishment The second is a twin sister to that one and it's using sex as a reward system

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The second way that a Christian woman can send sexually against her husband is instead of punishing him by withholding it

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It's holding it out as a carrot for his obedience It's earning his intimacy through performance.

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Did he take out the trash? Did he earn a promotion? Is it his birthday now? Let me be very clear here

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Special days are not bad Birthday intimacy Father's Day intimacy

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Christian morning or Christmas morning intimacy ovulation day intimacy Those are not bad and they should not be stricken from your calendar

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But my point is that my point in this is saying that it's a sin when you only reward someone for their

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Accomplishments when intimacy and marriage is a gift and not a wage We treat intimacy like it's something that he has to work for instead of something that already belongs to him

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How can I say that it already belongs to him? How can I say that because Paul says that he says your body is not your own

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Husband your wife owns your body wife's your husband owns your body. Your body is not yours.

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So in that sense you both Can be intimate with each other whenever you want and there is no such thing as Using your body as a weapon for wages

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Now again, there are I want to be clear. There are times where the Bible says that it's good

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To withstand from sex and marriage, but it says it's only for a time It says it's for a season of prayer and it says that it must not be a long season because lest you be tempted

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So that sin is one of using the body or using intimacy as a reward

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Which is wrong The third is the third way that a woman can send sexually against her husband is being disinterested and passive on purpose instead of standing on the street corner

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This happens when a woman gives her body to her husband and yet is

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Passive or uninvolved mentally being physically naked with him, but emotionally vacant in her heart

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The Song of Solomon says this in Song of Solomon 710 I am my beloved's and his desire is for me

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What that says is is that sex in marriage is supposed to be joyful.

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It's supposed to be responsive It's supposed to be participatory. It's supposed to be wholehearted Union covenant intimacy does not look drab and dour and boring and dusty It looks alive and well

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And when this passage is saying I am my beloved's my beloved is mine It is saying that there's a kind of mutual affection and ownership that's flowing both ways that that biblical

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Christ informed intimacy in marriage is not just waiting for it to get over so you can roll over and go back to sleep

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It's a God -designed joyful union That he designed for mutual delight between husband and wife

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That's the third number for cloaking sexlessness in spiritual terms

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Sorry, honey, I'm fasting and the fasting is a lifelong diet Sorry, honey,

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I'm in a season of prayer at every day during a certain time

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Again the Bible allows for a time. It's mutually agreed upon but must be temporary. So you do not fall into temptation do not use religious veneers and languages to justify this number five

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Emotional adultery is another way a woman can sin against her husband by giving her affection to another man

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Through text messages their emotional bonding through mental companionship This has happened a lot in the modern world because we have so prioritized women leaving their home.

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I Was in the military. There's nothing but a culture of perversion between male -female

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Dynamic because women were introduced into the military and men did not carnal men especially did not know what to do with that and again,

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I Hope that this is not happening where a woman here is flirting with someone who is not her husband or giving her affections to someone

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Who are not her husband or who's who's this man is living rent -free in her head

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I hope to God that that's not happening But I bring it up because sin is so pernicious and our tendency is to hide sin so much and I've been a pastor long good enough to know that looks can be

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Deceiving and the way that we present ourself on the outside may not always be the same on the inside so I pray that if that is the case that you would repent and Repentance does not just mean stop the inappropriate behavior

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With the person that you're not married to it might actually also mean start

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Flirting with and being affectionate with and being passionate with your husband number six

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Mentally comparing him to other men This is the sin of I wish he were more romantic

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He's a caveman He has no romantic bone in his body

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Or comparing him to someone who is more spiritual or comparing him to someone who was more like such -and -such or more handy and could fix more things in the house instead of being a nerd

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Or more masculine or more whatever This is a kind of coveting that is disguised as Criticism on and on and on we could go comparing him to someone else some standard that he hasn't met and and because of that Now I'm going to withhold

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Intimacy from him because I don't like him. I'm disgusted with him because he doesn't meet this standard

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I'll say this fantasizing about a different husband will make you despise the one that you have

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Even if he's imaginary And it will cause you to hate the one that God has given you and that is the sin of coveting number seven

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This one I want to walk on eggshells as I talk about Number seven

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Another way that you can send sexually against your husband is by neglecting yourself as a form of protest

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This is of letting yourself go physically and not pursuing what the Bible says is godly beauty

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Now again, I know that this one can be more controversial, but I'm not saying that you should be consumed with your appearance

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I'm not saying that I'm not saying that you should be Looking at the world standards, and I'm also not saying that there is not grace in that when you've just went through Postpartum you're sick and illness your hair's up in a messy bun

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You haven't slept in nine months because babies are constantly using you for food there again. There's situations where there's grace

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But that's different than this sin of a kind of intentional neglect and intentional

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Debeautification to ward off your husband's appetites if I just shower less and if I just take care of myself less

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Then he will not be interested in me This is a woman who knows what her husband loves and refuses it this is the woman who knows what her husband is attracted to what blesses him and what pleases him and she just says no and Here's the thing that is really interesting she wouldn't do that at church

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She wouldn't show up with stained sweatpants and and smelly underarms. I don't think

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She wouldn't do that for an important meeting with a very important client, but yet why is she surprised when the most important man in her life notices when she doesn't show up for him and She doesn't adorn herself for him

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That's not just Purposeful on attraction. It's unloving and the scriptures do commend and Command beauty and the pursuit of beauty for a woman for her husband

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Proverbs 31 22 says she makes coverings for herself Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

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That's not vanity. That's virtue That's a woman who understands that presenting herself. Well is a gift to her husband.

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It's a joy to her husband It's a ministry to her husband. This is not supermodel. This is a servant of joy not to conform to any stupid and sick and disgusting societal standards, but to be a blessing to the man that God has given her and ladies

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When you neglect these things You're not just withholding your beauty you're sending a message to the one that you're married to that you're not worth the effort and those wounds actually hit

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And maybe you're thinking that's not biblical Telling a woman to cultivate beauty. That's a kind of patriarchal a kind of toxic masculinity

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That's not what the Bible says, but it does and this woman in Proverbs 7 actually understands it better than 10 ,000 evangelicals

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She beautifies herself she puts on perfume she decorates her bed with rose petals she puts on Egyptian cotton linen sheets she puts a lot of effort into this and yet she's doing it for evil and She's doing it because she knows that God has designed her husband to be attracted to her beauty and She's leveraging that as sin and evil

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But just because she's using it for sin doesn't mean that it can't be used for good Just because this woman is using it sinfully just because the pornography industry is using a simply doesn't mean that it's there's not a good

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And right and holy way for a woman to pursue godly beauty Attractiveness so that her husband finds her delightful.

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That's a ministry. I'm not talking about find your identity in your beauty I'm talking about use your beauty as a ministry to serve and care for your husband

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It's not only a sin to beautify yourself for the wrong man, but it's also a sin to neglect yourself for the right man

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Again, the psalm song of Solomon Talks about this how beautiful you are my darling how beautiful you are.

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Your eyes are like doves He delights in her because of her beauty Song of Solomon 4 9 you have made my heart beat faster with a single strand of your necklace

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She put on his favorite necklace and he's he's going crazy Song of Solomon 7 1 how beautiful are your feet and sandals?

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Oh Prince Oh Prince's daughter. He likes her shoes There's something beautiful about a woman who is feminine and who cares for herself and Who cares for her family and who cares for her husband?

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And I will tell you that there is something so beautiful about that that that even as wrinkles appear upon the face even as Clothing has to be exchanged for different sizes even as voices quiver in their old age, there's something beautiful and Attractive about a woman who fears the

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Lord That's praiseworthy and that's not shallow and you say yeah, that's right. True.

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Beauty is one who fears God It doesn't matter what she looks like Of course charm is deceptive beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the

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Lord is to be praised. Absolutely But that doesn't mean purposefully skipping showers and never fixing your hair and not taking care of yourself and thinking that that's my ministry

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My ministry is to sanctify my husband by looking as unattractive as possible That's not what this is saying.

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It's not an either or there's a beauty in the feminine

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That should be cultivated for her husband as the man there's a strength in him that ought to be cultivated for his wife

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Your beauty is not for you. That's the lie that the world has told us your beauty is for you

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Your beauty is for him Your beauty is not your ego. Your beauty is to serve your husband as you serve

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Christ That's the kind of beauty that honors God. That's number seven. Maybe I've lost you at that point

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You're not laughing which means I have I'm just kidding. Number eight is the feminist

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Delusion of treating your body like it shores alone. This is the my body my choice in Christian marriages and that's the eighth way that you can send sexually against your husband is by viewing your body as personal property instead of covenant goods

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Paul says in first Corinthians 7 for the wife does not have authority over her own body neither the husband over his and now

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I will Say this you're not a vending machine and you're not meant to be trampled over and you're not meant to be taken advantage of and You're not meant to have your husband

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Tattoo this verse on his arm and then look at you with goofy eyes Every second of the day that you're not and you're not a piece of meat

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But what this is saying is that you're also not a border wall either You're not a

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Trump finished 20 -foot tall border wall where nobody can get in You Have a kind of mutual belonging and mutual delight that you share with your husband and it glorifies

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God and it proclaims his gospel Number nine letting bitterness kill your affection

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How many times has hurts and grievances sometimes decades old? soured marriages and costs man and woman to drift apart because of one thing that was said or one

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Event that happened or his mom does this or whatever it causes Division in the marriage and let's wounds fester until affection dies

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Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 31 through 32. Let all bitterness be put away And this is no more true than in the closest neighbor that you will ever have on earth your covenant spouse let all bitterness be put away a frozen bed or a frozen heart does not convert into a warm intimate bed

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Those two things do not coexist together So if you're angry if you're bitter if there's something you've been holding to for decades or even minutes repent

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It's not worth it It's not worth the intimacy that it kills. It's not worth the joy that it sucks

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It's not worth the the division that it causes repent make up and have joy

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Number 10 it this is one where a Woman turns intimacy into a chore where sex is nothing but a to -do list

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It's an obligation to endure not a joy to enter into this is where there's no passion.

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No pursuit. No responsiveness This is where the body is present But the heart is turned off and maybe she thinks that this is obedience because at least

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I am NOT Withholding but it stops short of what God intends Because we're to strive for what

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God says in his word not come short of it So what does God say let your fountain be blessed and rejoicing the wife of your youth be exhilarated always with her

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Love sex is not a checking off box Sex is not a duty

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It's not a drudgery It's supposed to be a delight that brings lovers together as they glorify

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Christ with their bodies not a Sort of begrudging duty number 11

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Another way to send sexually against a Christian husband is to mock his desire To roll eyes or to make jokes at his expense such as oh really again

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Is that all you think about it or think about we just did that last year in this

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You don't need adultery to destroy a marriage. You just need to make your man feel like it's shameful for wanting you

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Here's the problem God gave the desire to him not to torment or to pester you

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But to turn him towards you His desire is not disgusting. It's devotion

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He's thinking about sex with you Because he loves you That's the

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Edenic blueprint for marriage and intimacy the man and wife were both naked and they were not ashamed. That's God's blueprint

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That's the intimacy. That's that's without mockery. That's so without disgrace. That's without humiliation when you mock him

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You actually shame yourself Did you realize that? No When you scoff at your husband's desire when you roll your eyes at his advances when you treat him like a pervert

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Who is sneaking up on you? You're not just shaming him. You're shaming you

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When you call desire Disgusting or when you act like his desire annoys you what do you think that is saying about yourself ladies?

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What you're saying is if the sight of you if the thought of you if the pursuit of you

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Turns him on and you're mocking that then you're really mocking you You're saying to him desiring me is annoying

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Loving me is wrong. Wanting me is inappropriate. So don't do that and don't be surprised when he listens and Maybe you're saying

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I Understand, but it's inconvenient His appetites are more frequent than mine

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Maybe it comes at the wrong time of the day Maybe he walks by you in the kitchen and he smacks you on the bottom and you think that that's immature and stupid

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Maybe it is But sister, I want you to hear this clearly if your husband desires you he's saying he loves you

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He's saying you're mine and I still want you even after all these years if you reject that you're rejecting his love if You mock that as pathetic or as immature you're teaching him that loving you is the problem and the solution is for you to be cold and The consequences of that are way worse than him just being into you

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Because if you quench the fire enough Eventually, it will become extinguished and don't be surprised when the fire and the hearth goes out that he uses other things

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Maybe he pours himself into his job now He's fantasizing about promotions instead of looking at you like he used to look at you

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Maybe he's out on the golf course all the time and or maybe he's all with his friends or maybe

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God forbid He's now went to a pornographic website or maybe he's went actually to the Proverbs 7 woman

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What I'm saying is you should want to light him up You should want to be the one that sets him on fire

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You should be the one who he finds Attractive who he finds pleasure in that says something about how he feels about you

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So if he's still trying thank God for it

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If he still smacks you on the bottom praise God and say hallelujah Don't just be thankful for his purity be thankful that he's pursuing you listen,

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I want to say that again Every woman should want her husband to have purity

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Every woman should expect absolute purity from her husband, but don't just expect purity

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But then reject his pursuit Because you're leaving him with a fire that he has nowhere to pour it to Rejoice in both his purity in his pursuit number 12

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It's treating This is the last one treating sex as if it were optional instead of obedience

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Treating it as it though. It's not a matter of holiness We know what the Bible says the

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Bible says do not deprive one another your body is not your own We've talked about all these verses, but we don't actually think about it like it's a matter of sin

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We don't think about it. Like it's a big deal. We think about men going on pornographic websites as sin.

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Yes. Amen It is it's disgusting, but we don't think about Withholding sex in marriage as a similar

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Sin, both are weaponized and both lead to sexual ruin. Here's some examples of this a woman who wakes up early and opens up her

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Bible, but at night she's always closed a Woman who would never neglect the body of Christ Hebrew says do not neglect the gathering, but she neglects her husband this is a woman who is

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Pursuing after spiritual disciplines, but is not disciplined in the bedroom and I want you to remember something about the word discipline discipline

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Means avoiding something that's wrong and also doing something that's right discipline is avoiding

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Twinkies and Making sure you go on the run. It's both It's avoiding sex with your

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Twinkie neighbor But lavishing it on your husband Discipline works both ways.

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It works as running away from something sinful but running towards something good and in this sense having sex is obedience to God Reading your

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Bible is obedience Praying is obedience going to church is obedience and also having sex with your husband is a matter of biblical obedience

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God designed our bodies and our sexuality to work together for his glory there's more verses on this than many theological topics and The reason for it the grand crescendo of all of it is because sex actually accomplishes something incredibly glorious When a wife gives herself to her husband and when a husband gives himself to his wife

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They are acting out the drama of redemption and the gospel They are reenacting the divine affection of Jesus leaving heaven and pursuing his only bride

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So that she would be his forevermore Ephesians 5 31 through 32 says for this reason a man shall leave his father his mother and be joined to his wife and the two

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Shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ in the church Paul is saying that when husbands and wife love each other in intimacy that they are enacting the gospel

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That they are giving themselves as a picture of Jesus's ransom of his bride and her submission to him as her husband and She is signifying her union with Christ in her union with her husband and It's even in more interesting than that Sex is a type in the

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Bible Do you know what types are? Like the lamb in the

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Old Testament was a type of Jesus They sacrificed the lamb so that one day

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Jesus the perfect sacrifice would be sacrificed for us The temple is a type

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It's a type of Christ in his church It existed for a thousand years as a place where people would go and meet

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God and then what happens in the New Testament God destroys the temple because a new and better temple was built

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With Christ as the cornerstone and us as the living stones that make up this temple that will fill the world

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But sex is also a type sex is a type of The eternal union of Jesus in his church.

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That's why there is no sex in heaven that's why there is no marriage in heaven because these type the picture is

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Only so good as what it points to and when the true and the better and the full and the perfect come

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Then the type in the picture go away in the same way If a husband is deployed to a foreign country and The wife clings to the picture of her husband and she sleeps with it beside of her bed

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That's a beautiful thing Unless he comes home and she says that you must sleep on the couch because I already have my picture

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How weird would that be God has given us sex in marriage and in marriage only to demonstrate the beauty and the glory of eternity with him

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But when eternity with him happens because it's so much better so much richer so much deeper than what sex could ever offer

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Sex goes on the shelf But just because it goes on the shelf one day doesn't mean that it should not be used today

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It's a demonstration of Christ in his church It's a picture of the gospel and while Many of us will never stand up and preach a sermon every time you and your wife are faithful and united together you preach a sermon and You preach a gospel and you preach a faithfulness

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That will be preached until Jesus returns that's why this matters so much

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Because when you are unfaithful in that area you're telling a false gospel and You withhold in that area.

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You're telling a false gospel You're saying that Jesus withholds from us that Jesus punishes us with his presence and that's not true

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I know that these topics have been Deep, I know that these topics have been hard But my prayer

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Is that every married couple would flourish in health Because you're proclaiming the gospel together and my prayers for every single person that as the

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Song of Solomon says that you would not awake in love until its proper time that you would hold fast to your

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Purity and protect yourself for the day that you get to declare the gospel with your husband

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Because this matters so much We ought to look at it we ought to talk about it And I pray that the

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Lord would use it to help refine us and purify us. Amen Let's pray Lord, thank you

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For all that your word says about this topic and Lord. We were only able to cover just a little bit

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Lord, we thank you that you are gracious to us we thank you that even though many of us are broken and have

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Histories of brokenness in this area That by the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ, you forgive us you purify us and you wash us white as snow

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Lord, I pray that as people who've been purified as people who've been forgiven as people who have

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All of our sins erased and cast as far as the East is from the West that word we would look at this most intimate example of obedience and That our marriage would tell the story of Christ in his church

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Lord, I pray that our marriages would be pure. I Pray that our marriages would be joyful. I pray that our marriages would be sweet I pray that our marriages would tell the story.

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Well, I Pray that children would grow up in homes That are faithful and Lord, I pray

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That you would use marriage as the most basic fundamental unit of society

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Faithful godly Christian marriages To raise up children who will bring the gospel further and to more places than we could ever dream