Twenty Things You Will Never Hear In Church (Part 2)

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Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

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No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ, based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the

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Apostle Paul said, �But we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.�

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In short, if you like smooth, watered -down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn�t for you.

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By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we�re called by the

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Divine Trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her King. Here�s our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth.

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Welcome to No Compromise Radio ministry. Pastor Steve Cooley is here. Pastor Steve, welcome, welcome, welcome.

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Bienvenidos a los Estados Unidos. Steve, are you fluent in Espanol? Nein. Now, when you used to arrest people back in Los Angeles as a

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L .A. County Sheriff, did you ever speak to people in Spanish or how that worked?

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Well, you know, I really, usually not too much. In fact, I remember one night arresting a couple guys, and I was having some difficulty believing what they were saying, because I do understand

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Spanish better than I speak it. And, you know, they were telling me they had a deputy�s permission to steal what they�d stolen, and I couldn�t believe it.

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So I knew we had one guy on the shift who spoke Spanish, and I said, �We need him out here. Well, he�s working the jail, and he doesn�t want to come out.�

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And I said, �Well ,� on the air, I said, �Well, you can tell him he can either talk to them where we are or he can talk to them while he�s booking them, but we need him.�

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So he came out to where we were. We wound up taking him to jail anyway for stealing stuff.

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But no, I mean, I spoke Spanish to the guys in the jail more so because I think I was more comfortable by that point.

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I would ask them where they were from, and I would welcome them to the United States and then laugh.

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Steve, tell us a funny story where you were arresting someone, and it was all that you could do to not break out laughing because it was comical.

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It could have been a Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello moment. They were guilty, and you had to arrest them, but it was a funny one, and you were just kind of smirking on the inside.

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Funniest? Well, I don't know. I think maybe the funniest, well, there were a couple of funny ones.

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We'd already arrested one guy, and we were like midway through our shift, we were starving, and we were working a mountain car, and so we stopped at In -N -Out on the way back, and he was in our backseat.

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And he goes, you know, �Can I get anything to eat ?� And we're like, �Uh, no.�

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And he goes, �That's cold. That's really cold.� We were laughing. But I think the funniest one was we'd arrested a guy, and he told us, he said, �Please don't take me to jail.�

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He goes, �I'm going to rehab tomorrow.� Well, we arrested him because he had an open container of beer in the car, and he had marijuana, and he had cocaine.

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Just like, okay, bro, go to rehab tomorrow, right? So just gonna get blasted out of your mind tonight, so.

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Steve, I know you're preaching through John, and of course, our message moment today comes from the Message Bible.

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Oh, no. And John 10. Oh, no. �All those others ,� Jesus said, �are up to no good, sheep -stealers every one of them.

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But the sheep didn't listen to them, I am the gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for, will freely go in and out and find pasture.�

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You know, those other guys are up to no good. Yeah. Dudley don't write. Yeah, that's actually not the worst message moment we've ever had, but it does, he does leave out some of the nuances.

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Yeah, because the interesting thing is, what he's talking about there is the sheep pen and how these guys would come in over the walls to steal and to, you know, to pilfer, and they never had any good intention if they were going in by some other way other than the main way in.

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Steve, I just have one question for you in light of that. Yes, yeah. Can a maniac open blind eyes? Yeah, that's when they accuse them of being demon possessed, they're at the end of the pericope.

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I just wanted to say that word. Steve, off air, you were talking about the bathroom issue and transgender and voting and Houston and all that stuff back in the

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November 3rd ballot, and you used the word leer, that, you know, surprisingly, men walk into women's bathrooms, they're not transgender, but they just want to leer.

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I haven't heard the word leer for such a long time. Well, you need to hang around with me more. That is as old as the veer offense.

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The leer offense. Remember when Nebraska was good and they ran the I formation, and it was about as good as the wishbone, the power

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I, and you were going to just get smacked, and then now Nebraska, do they play college division one now?

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What are they in? Powder puff. I think it's eight -man football. Does anybody who's listening out there remember

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Iowa girls basketball? Back in the 60s and 70s, Steve's wife,

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Janet, is from Iowa, and they had Iowa girls basketball, and you would have six players on each team, and you could not go over half court, so you had three defenders and three offensive players for both, for the same team.

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See, and that's how my mom played basketball way back in the day. It's hard to run with pantaloons on, and so you can only go to half court, so some were really good defenders.

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You could go all season without scoring a single basket. That's unacceptable.

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Yeah. All right. Well, today, Steve and I are doing part two, because part two was so fun. Part one was so much fun.

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Trademark. Yeah, but. Trademark. That's right.

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Sometimes, Steve gives me the look, and actually, it goes both ways. I might want to give him a look. He gives me the look all the time.

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When we're preaching, and then the other guy gives the guy the look like, did you just really say that? Do you want to back up there just a second and explain?

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20 things you'll never hear in church. This was written by Mark Woods back in October, Christianity Today contributing editor.

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Sometimes we need fodder from this site, and sometimes we have to go to Christian Post, Steve, for fodder.

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Yep. Where else do we go? Post -Christian. That's right. 20 things you'll never hear in church.

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This is really an interesting one, and now, of course, we're taken care of quite well here, and we are thankful for that financially speaking.

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Number nine, though, on this sheet, it's funny, Pastor. God told us that we should double your stipend.

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Yeah. That'll be the day, right, when you're sitting at a church, and somebody comes up and says, well, the

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Lord is leading us to double your salary, Pastor. Now, it's easier for me to talk about other churches when it comes to this, but sometimes

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Steve and I are involved with helping other churches hire people, and it's always nice to be able to say to those other churches, like we have been taken care of here, don't forget about life insurance.

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Don't forget about medical insurance. You want to get some dental, maybe some software allowance, maybe a book allowance.

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It'd be nice if the pastor could go out of town for a week with his wife for a conference and don't forget some of these things.

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That's fun to help other guys. I usually like a cut. I want a cut of that from the new guy. Like an agent.

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Yeah, I was telling one of the guys on Sunday, not a pastor, but just actually he's a plumber, and I said, you know what,

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I should be your agent because I think I can negotiate a better deal for you than you have, you know. Most of the time, churches will say, well, we can't afford that, and I just tell them that may be true, but plan for it.

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So if the Lord would grant you more money, you want to plan for it. You'd hate to have the pastor's wife working at Starbucks because she has to because she can't pay the bills.

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I agree, and because they have no medical insurance, and so they have to go seek worldly employment to kind of make ends meet.

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I heard that Obamacare is doing pretty well, though. You can always get Obamacare. Yeah, that's not what I heard. I heard it's entering a death spiral, but I digress.

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Mm -hmm. Okay. Trademark. How about this one? This one's actually funny. Okay. What, me? Be the church treasurer and run the youth group?

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Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, you know what's funny is

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I, listen, I want to make this clear, I am not a Mormon nor am

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I an apologist for Mormonism, but I think they do one thing very well.

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They would see, you know, they have this organizational chart and they would see an opening and they would just go, you know, the bishop or somebody in the ward would, in leadership, would come up to you and say, you know,

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Brother Cooley, we would like you to consider this calling. And they would just fill the, you know, just do it that way.

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And I'm like, and you know what? It was a lot harder for people to say no to something like that than it was for people to just ignore the general call.

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When the specific call, when the effectual call came, you know, people usually responded rightly.

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I like that effectual call language. Yes. Thank you. Steve, we received a nice little

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Hallmark card from our friend, Josh. Oh, yeah. Our listener,

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Josh. I know you interact sometimes with him on social media. He's a big boy. And here's a picture of Joe Osteen, and it says something on here that Josh typed, and so I'd just like you to read it out loud with good inflection and stuff, like it'd be proper reading.

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This is from Josh. I declare that Pastor Mike and Tuesday Guy will be blessed with extra tithe money if they will commit to fasting and reading the shack for 40 days while reciting

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Message Bible breath prayers. Breath prayers? What's a breath prayer?

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I don't know. I think it might be a breathe prayer. Lord, help my breath. So, Josh, we thank you for that.

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20 things you'll never, oh, this does lead us into a real discussion. When you look at Ephesians chapter 4 and spiritual gifts and how

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God has equipped the church for ministry, remember, folks, and again, at Bethlehem Bible Church, as I look at Sunday night men's and women's ministries through the marriage class, folks,

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Steve, so many people here serve behind the scenes, week in and week out, never asking for compliments or thanks or backslaps.

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Very thankful that these folks here at Bethlehem Bible Church serve and serve and serve.

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But the Bible does teach in Ephesians 4, not but, but and, equip the saints for the work of ministry for the building up of the body of Christ.

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And so if you're a listener and you're expecting the pastoral staff to do everything, then why don't you reread

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Ephesians 4 and say, well, I should probably be like those folks at Bethlehem Bible Church. The pastors have ministry there, but so do the other folks.

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The pastor's ministry is getting the other folks involved in the wonderful privilege of serving the saints as they serve the

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Lord, or vice versa. Yeah, I mean, the passage says, and he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds, and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry, not to equip the pastors for the work of ministry.

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And there are some things, of course, the pastor does do, and he is freed up to do more things because he doesn't have to have a regular job.

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He's free to do that work of the ministry. But I personally will say, and I think Steve would echo what

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I'm going to say, when I watch a person who's been around for a few years, you see them walk in the door like an

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Andrew Smith, maybe not saved, young college kid. God saves him, gets baptized, begins to serve, minister, get married, have a family, begin to do all kinds of ministries behind the scenes, then up front, is able to preach.

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We can send him out to preach at other churches. When I see folks like that, and I see the handiwork of God, I just think this is about as good as it gets in pastoral ministry.

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It's very encouraging. I mean, obviously, I'm super thankful for Andrew, but other people who just have that desire to serve behind the scenes, and then sometimes, like you said with Andrew, the

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Lord brings them up front and gives them other ministries as well. So yeah, that's great. On the flip side, there's a lady at our church named

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Eileen Strong, and she is the biggest encourager out there, and she writes all kinds of little notes, and she makes her own little note packs and sends things, and I get more encouragement from Eileen Strong.

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Actually, if you'll go into our house, you might see a little Eileen Strong note of encouragement tacked up at certain different spots, just kind of a reminder of Eileen Strong wanting to encourage the saints at Bethlehem Bible Church.

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The next time I hear Eileen complain, that'll be the first time. And I mean, she's just, whatever, whatever it is,

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I don't care if she's in horrible pain, she'll just say something like, you know, well, you know, to be honest, it hurts, but it's nothing compared to what my

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Lord and Savior went through, or, you know, she always – I don't know how many things you'll never hear in church, but at Bethlehem Bible Church, one of the things you'll never hear in church is

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Eileen Strong complaining. No, you'll never hear that. It just won't happen. All right, let's talk about this one,

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Steve. Number six, 20 things you'll never hear in church. Tell you what, let's just not have any songs this week.

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Steve, tell us why most people think that the only time of worship in a corporate worship service on Sunday, the only time of worship is the song.

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Steven Can I tell you why? I don't know why. It's just become the sort of redefinition of what worship is.

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I mean, imagine if in the Old Testament, worship only meant, you know, singing the psalms or whatever.

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That's just not what it means. And for a worship service, from beginning to end, you know,

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I don't mean to include the announcements, but the announcements actually here, at least, are before the service begins.

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From beginning to end, it's all about worship. Everything we do should be pointed towards worship. So whether it's the preaching, the praying, the singing, the giving, all of it is worship.

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It's a form of worship. Steve, give us some insight or hints. How could we think of preaching, therefore listening to the sermon, as worship?

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How could we think of it as worship in a, how could we respond to that worship? Would it be read the passage ahead of time, take notes?

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What would you suggest? Steve Well, I think those are two good things. I mean, taking notes is really good.

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Why? Because it keeps you engaged with what's going on. But you know, you think to yourself, well, how could preaching be worship?

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Well, what does preaching do? So, good preaching reinforces what the word says, it expounds on what the word says.

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It really is giving glory to God, which is what worship is, by telling you what his word says and how it applies to your life and kind of using the word as what it is, a scalpel to sort of, you know, through the

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Holy Spirit, afflict you or comfort you as the need may be. I forget where I was even going, but the point is that worship includes preaching and includes singing, all these things that speak of God as he is, as a scripture would speak of him and gives him the honor that he is due.

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Steve Steve, I've been thinking about Deuteronomy lately. I'm listening to Abner Chow's Deuteronomy series, I don't know, 28 to 25 messages, and it says in Deuteronomy 1, he didn't talk about this, but maybe it'll be in the future lessons.

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Chapter 1, verse 5, beyond the Jordan in the land of Moab, Moses undertook to explain or expound this law, saying, and even the entire book of Deuteronomy is an exposition, it's a sermon.

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James, we think, could have easily been a sermon, the book of Hebrews. What does Deuteronomy mean? Second law.

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Second law, well, why would we need a second law? He's expounding the first. Okay, there you go.

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There he is in Moab, getting close, can't get down there in the land, what do they need to be reminded of?

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I did not know this, Steve, that when you look at Deuteronomy and the Ten Commandments given there, that the rest of Deuteronomy is an expansion of those

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Ten Commandments. Right. I didn't know that. That was pretty cool. Well, I mean, it's, and I'm sure you've heard this too, you know, when people, when theologians speak of Genesis, they say basically, you know, the rest of the

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Bible is a commentary on Genesis 1, 2, and 3, you know, and I'm like, well, okay. Yeah, and the

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Ten Commandments going back to Genesis 1, 2, and 3, that's exactly right. See, this is a fun one to talk about because it's so anti -Bethlehem

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Bible Church, the number 18. The minister hasn't turned up? Of course, I'd love to preach. Now, we're not the largest church or anything like that, but we are trying to, and we fail in many,

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I've personally failed in many ways, but we're trying to equip men to know the word and to be known by the

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Lord, of course, and then preach messages. So how many folks do you think could preach here?

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Do we have, if I didn't show up and you didn't show up, can other people preach or do we have to hire out?

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When you say other people, do you mean some of the ladies too, or? Well, some of them could, but you know what? They would insist that they would not.

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Thank you for that clarification. Uh -huh. Other peoples. They're good people. Good people.

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You know, I'm sure that at least half a dozen guys could, I mean, there are guys who probably wouldn't even want to, but if nobody else was there, they'd go, well, somebody's gotta preach,

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I guess I will, you know, kind of thing. So yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure we have at least half a dozen guys who could do it.

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If you're a man and you're a Christian man and you attend a worship service and you're part of a local church, which you should,

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I think you should have in your Bible with a little three by five card or some file on your iPad, a message that you could teach to Sunday school kids age five, age 15, adult

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Sunday school, just be ready. So someone says to you, could you please teach this message? You don't go, uh, because I've had a moment once before when

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Mayhew asked and I never wanted to be shamed again. He wasn't shaming me. It was my own lack of inspiration.

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It was your own shamitude. All right. Pastor Steve is here. Pastor Mike is here. Here's a good one.

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Number 13, things that you won't hear in a church. This is from Christianity Today. I think we're going to have to tone down the enthusiasm during the action songs.

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Someone's going to put a hip out. During the action songs. What's an action song? I don't know. I don't know.

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Is that like this little light of mine and you hide it under a bushel? No. And Zacchaeus is a wee little man.

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And how does that work? I don't know. But if I ever go to a church with action songs, that'll probably be my first and last

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Sunday there. Now, maybe this is a sacred hokey pokey when you put your left hip in and your right hip out and you shake it all about.

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Well, you remember how people were responding to Jesus is coming again and, you know, uh -oh.

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Tell the story. I'm half to blame for this. Well, we used to sing it on Sunday night, you know, Jesus is coming again, but it's got such a,

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I like the lyrics, but the music is, like, it sounds like you're riding a carousel. So people eventually started, like, acting like they were riding a carousel and we're just like, you know, this is not very worshipful.

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We need to stop this action song. A marvelous message we bring. Glorious news of the

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King. See? Da -da -da -da -da -da. And that's all true, right? Jesus is coming again. Bum -bum, bum -bum -bum -bum.

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Yeah. The music is almost like out of Mary Poppins or something, you know? Wasn't she a witch? It was never really defined.

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Doesn't she have some special powers and stuff? If you spell Mary Poppins backwards, it says witch of Endor.

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I don't think so. I think it might. No. All right. Let's see. What else do we have here? Number 20.

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Sorry, there's no room in the front row. Would you mind sitting at the back?

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Why do people not want to sit in the front? Well, you know, back row Baptists. I think if you go to a

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Presbyterian church, people want to be up at the front because they want to make sure that everybody knows they were there. Oh, okay.

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When I was in Boston last week at that Ogdawa coffee shop, we did drive past Cheers and there's still a bunch of people hovering around this bar that doesn't basically exist.

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You know, just the outside sign. That's the only part of the show. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.

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What does it say when everybody at the bar knows your name? What does that tell you? You might have a drinking problem.

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Do you think they drink maybe the non -alcoholic beers down there? Oh, fools.

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They might. They might, rabbit. They might. I doubt it. Okay. Something you'll never hear in church.

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The annual general meeting is the highlight of my spiritual year. Once again, brother, would you read the budget, line 17, please?

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I mean, talk about fun, right? I mean, what could be more fun than a good annual meeting?

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Well, you have to insert congregational rule there because then it's spicier.

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Oh, and Robert's Rules of Order. Yeah, because in old Jim, he knows Robert's Rules. He wouldn't understand

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First Timothy, Second Timothy, and Titus. We had that fight, by the way, here at Bethlehem Baptist Church 20 years ago, and someone complained that I didn't know

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Robert's Rules of Order. And that complaint actually had a lot of validity to it because I don't know anything about Robert's Rules of Order.

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And I said, well, I am familiar with First Timothy, Second Timothy, and Titus. I thought that was probably enough to...

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Oh, no, it's the 67th book of the Bible. Fully inspired and whole and in part.

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Verbalinary. Now, everyone, number 15, calm down and let the

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Women's Bright Hour Liturgical Dance Group through. You can get their autographs later.

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Is it really there? Yeah, number 15. Oh, man.

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Yeah, there's nothing that says worshipping and honoring the Lord like the

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Women's Bright Hour Liturgical Dance Group. Now, the problem is, the one time

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I was at the Vineyard, Anaheim Vineyard, John Wimber was still alive. Did you go on that trip with us?

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I did not. Okay. Yeah. And they had some women liturgical dancers. The problem was, and this is how

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I remember it, you know, memories are faulty. Mm hmm. But they were all 15 -year -old girls and the dresses were too tight.

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Now, if I've got a problem looking at ladies, that's my own problem. But it didn't help me at all when they were skin tight.

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What are those things they wear when they're doing the toboggan races? The... Unitards or something.

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The luge. They had like luge dresses on. Well, here's the thing, though. Just think about what you said.

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You know, it's my problem if I'm looking at the ladies, etc., etc. But what's the point of a dance team?

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It's so you look at them. Right? I mean, whoever, okay, men, put your blinders on now, the dance team will come out and perform.

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What? Why do we have a dance team if we're not supposed to look at them? Excuse me. David danced. Yes, he did.

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Michael didn't like it. Now you like Michael? So I guess my point is, listen, you might say, well, it's your problem, you know, and I'd be like, well, what are we supposed to do with the dance team?

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I think we should watch them. But the point is, that's not appropriate. That has nothing to do with the worship service.

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Show me in the New Testament, wherever it talks about having a New Testament dance or a dance group during service.

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Steve, related to the clothing issue, number 17, I've always wondered, what do vicars wear under their cassocks?

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I've never wondered that. I've never wondered that. Steve is pointing to the time, because time flies on No Compromise Radio.

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It's just a fun show, I think. It's a blast. Yeah, why do people either think Tuesdays are the best shows or the worst?

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How does that work? Because it just shows that they have exceedingly fine taste or no taste at all.

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At Tuesday Guys, Twitter, at NoCoRadio. There's a Twitter, you can write us at info at NoCompromiseRadio .com.

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And TuesdayGuy at Twitter or whatever .com. Our service times are

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Sunday morning at 10 .15 and in the evening at 6. We're right on Route 110 in West Boylston.

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