(Church Leadership) 5. Authority and Dignity — Zac Poonen

Shepherds After God’s Own Heart and the New Covenant

Yesterday we were looking at Jeremiah chapter 3, verse 14 and 15, and I said the mark, the proof that you have come to Zion, one proof, is that there you will find shepherds after God's own heart. It's not the amount of noise in a place that determines whether it's Zion or not.

It's not even healing or miracles or fantastic preaching. It is shepherds after God's own heart who will feed the people on the knowledge of God and the understanding of His will. So, if our churches are to be like Zion, and that's the type of shepherd we must be.

Now that expression, man after God's own heart, is found in the Old Testament, referring to David. We know that there were a lot of things in his life which were wrong. He made a lot of mistakes. But according to Old Testament standards, according to Old Covenant standards, he was a man after God's own heart.

Don't forget that. We must never forget, what 99 of Christians forget, that we are not under the Old Covenant now. You can be delivered from a lot of deception in preaching today, if you can understand clearly the difference between New Covenant and Old Covenant.

I find lots of problems are because people haven't seen clearly. I can't understand how people justify so many things that they do and quote some Old Testament example. It's because they don't understand the New Covenant.

So, let me ask you a question. Who is the man after God's own heart in the New Covenant? Jesus. That's why the Bible says that in Hebrews 11, at the end of the list of all those great men of God, it says in the last verse, God has provided us with something better.

What is that better thing? That is, Jesus is now the author of our faith. You know, people say, Brother, Elijah got depressed. So, naturally we get depressed sometimes. So, I tell them, definitely, if Elijah is the author and finisher of your faith, definitely you should get depressed frequently.

There are Christian leaders who fall into adultery and say, well, David also fell. He was a man after God's own heart, they say. It's amazing how people go into the Bible, not to find how to become holy, but how to find justification for their sin.

And there is a verse in the Bible for such people, in the last page, which says, those who want to be filthy, let them be filthy still. If you go to the Bible to find justification for your sin, be filthy, be unrighteous, that's the last commandment in the Bible, almost.

You see, it's amazing that there is a verse in the Bible which says, be filthy, continue to be filthy. It's the last page of the Bible. And what the meaning is, if after reading this whole book, you still don't take sin seriously, then there is no hope for you, just continue in sin.

It's not a question of how we preach, it's a question of whether we have understood that God wants us to be holy as He is holy. The primary thing in the New Covenant is not New Testament church pattern.

I'd rather have a man who calls himself most reverent so-and-so with a cross around his neck, who lives a holy life, than some one of our elders who's living with gossiping and backbiting and lusting and getting angry.

Definitely. What does God bother whether you've got a cross around your neck and wear robes and wear a red cap also? He doesn't bother. He says, be holy as I'm holy. See, among all the Christian denominations I've seen today, the biggest lovers of money among leaders are Pentecostal charismatic people.

And they are the ones who talk about being baptized in the H-O-L-Y Holy Spirit. So, their attitude to money itself proves to me that is not H-O-L-Y spirit at all. Mother Teresa is a million times more spiritual than all these people.

Even though she may have prayed to Mary, she'll be miles ahead of these other fellows who claim to have the right doctrine. Who is the shepherd after God's own heart? In the New Covenant, it is Jesus.

Jesus as the Example for Christian Leaders

He was a shepherd. And he said, follow me. There are two verses I want to show you concerning Jesus. That's why if you've heard me preach in 30 years, you've always heard me preach that Jesus is our example.

I've never changed my message. Jesus came in my flesh, lived as a man and gave me an example how to live. And it doesn't matter if the whole world calls me a false prophet for saying that. That is God's word.

That's what changed my life. That's what changed my ministry. And it will change your life and your ministry when you see why God sent Jesus to this earth. To be an example for you in every area. How should you look at women?

The way Jesus looked at women. How should you look at money? The way Jesus looked at money. How should you preach? Not the way these American preachers preached, the way Jesus preached. Should you make people fall down by putting your hands on them?

Yes, if Jesus did it, yes. He never did it. He put his hands on people and lifted them up. That's what I want to do. This is the fantastic deception going on today and all under the name of Holy Spirit.

They have not understood the new covenant. They have not seen Jesus. I asked yesterday, why does God have to raise another group of churches when there are already hundreds of denominations in India? Okay, let me ask you this question, which I asked a little bit yesterday.

How many churches are not only preaching that Jesus came in the flesh, but whose leaders are seeking to live like Jesus lived? There are some people who preach that Jesus came in the flesh who take others to court.

Can you imagine Jesus Christ taking Judas Iscariot to court saying, you said something wrong about me? That is Satan manifest in the flesh. But he claims to be Jesus. But some of you may think, oh, these people are also saved.

That's because you have such a crazy idea that God is going to give you a doctrinal test before he takes you to heaven. If you read 1 Corinthians 6, it is so clear. A man who lives in sin, who takes other people to court can never enter the kingdom of God.

It's not a question of saying my doctrine is all correct. God looks at the heart, not at the head. So it's very important that in our churches, we don't just get people who get all their doctrines right.

And at the same time, that they don't have the righteousness of the law, which makes them Pharisees. These are the two dangers. See, a worldly person will immediately see he is a worldly person. We can identify that very easily.

But I have seen numerous people, even in our churches, they think because a man's doctrine is right, he has got the right answers. No matter what he does, he will go to heaven. If you believe that, you are going to produce people like that and you are going to make two-fold children of hell in your churches.

And the second danger, as I said, is people produce a holiness which is legalistic. And I told you what legalism is. That what I am convinced of, I want you also to do. I told you that I have a conviction that I should not wear gold.

And my wife has that conviction too. My wife has that conviction too. But if we impose that on other people in the church, we are legalists. And here is another form of legalism, where other people are waiting for my wife to wear ornaments.

That is also legalism. But they think they are free. They are the biggest legalists of all. Because what is legalism? It is not ornaments or no ornaments. It is a question of forcing my conviction on other people, on things which are not essential to salvation.

Where Romans 14 is not found in our church, we will become a cult. See, Jesus, for example, love of money is such a great evil that we have to be free from. It is million times worse than wearing ornaments.

So, I say, if you want to free people, free people from the love of money, that is million times more than anything else. Because 1 Timothy 6 says, it is the root of all evil. Now, don't quote it wrongly.

It is not money. You can get a salary of one million rupees a month. It is up to you. It is love of money. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever met a beggar who doesn't love money? Have you seen one?

I have never seen one. You don't have to have money to love money. That is the proof that it is not a question of what you earn or what you have. Because some of us have that idea. I remember the days in our churches where some of our elders would tell people, don't go to Dubai because you are a lover of money if you go.

I never said that in my life. Because it is not a question of where you go. Most of us are living in such comfortable places that the people who work in the villages of North India for the Lord will say, we are lovers of money.

It is not a question of where you live. It is not a question of how much you earn. It is a question of whether you love and only you know that. But even with such a serious sin like that, when one man came to Jesus, a rich young ruler who loved money like anything.

Jesus told him to be free from it. And he said no and went away. Jesus didn't go pestering him. Why do you go pestering people? For things which are one millionth the size of love of money. Sister, when are you going to take off your ornaments?

You are the biggest legalist of all. Or sister, why don't you put on ornaments? So that my wife can feel comfortable also because she is wearing. You are the biggest legalist of all. Jesus could let a person go if he didn't want to give up love of money which is million times worse.

Follow the example of Jesus. I believe many of us have not studied the life of Jesus enough. Why was Sadhu Sundar Singh what I believe the godliest man that India has ever seen? Even though he was never an elder of a church.

Because that man spent his life studying the life of Jesus. And so even he was not a teacher. So some of his teachings were a bit wrong. Because he was not called to be a teacher. He was an evangelist.

It's like a doctor may not know how to construct a building. But he can be a first class doctor. So Sadhu Sundar Singh was a first class evangelist. He was not a teacher. See that's another stupid idea lot of Christians have.

If one man is a first class evangelist, everything he teaches must be right. That's like saying this chap is a first class engineer, so he must be a first class doctor also. See nobody in the world has such crazy ideas, but Christians have such crazy ideas.

Oh he is such a first class evangelist, so whatever he teaches must be right. He is such a first class engineer, so I'll let him operate on me. We are so stupid. Absolutely stupid when it comes to spiritual things.

He is an evangelist. He doesn't know head or tail about teaching. But Sadhu Sundar Singh, I don't agree with a lot of things he taught. But I consider him to be the godliest man I have ever known of in India.

Heard of. Because he studied the life of Jesus. We may have more knowledge of doctrine than him, but we'll be miles behind him in heaven. We will never be legalists if you study the life of Jesus. Make that the greatest passion of your life.

Why? Because Jesus said follow me. Paul said one thing I do, that is not to reach the world for Christ. No, one thing I do, the upward call of God in Christ Jesus to make me more and more like him, that's the only thing I do.

Other things flow out of that. So, two verses concerning Jesus, which we must remember. Matthew chapter 7 and verse 28 and 29. The important word here is authority. When Jesus finished speaking, the sermon on the mount this is, the crowds were amazed at his teaching.

Why? Because he was teaching as one having authority. And not as the scribes. If you are a servant of God, if you are an elder in a church, some of you hopefully in the future God may give you some responsibility in a church.

Then there must be an authority about your life. Not the empty authority of some preachers who scream and yell and shout. They are politicians, don't be a politician. Politicians are trying to sway their crowds, vote for me.

You can go like that, vote for Jesus. That's not authority. It's a human authority. Jesus' authority was not by shouting. His words were so sharp. He wasn't yelling and screaming the sermon on the mount.

Authority. And I tell you, you cannot produce it. God has to give it to you. And Jesus had that authority because, listen, because he spoke only what he had lived. I made a decision 30 years ago that I will never preach what I have not lived.

That's like saying, when I am in 1st standard, I will only teach 1st standard stuff. When I go to 2nd standard, I will teach 2nd standard stuff. When I go to 3rd standard, then I will teach more. I will teach 3rd standard stuff.

So, if you copy somebody else's sermon, just because it's a nice sermon, and you want to get some honor, like a lot of preachers in the world do, you may be a 3rd standard person preaching a PhD person's sermon.

And you will be the biggest hypocrite of all, and there will be no authority in what you say. God won't back you up. Otherwise, you must be honest and say, I haven't attained here, but this is the mountain I want to climb.

And I want you to join me. Let's climb this mountain together. That's okay. That we should say. But we must be honest. Not pretend like Ananias and Sapphira that we are giving everything and we are wholehearted.

Those are the 1st people God killed in the church. Not because they committed adultery. But because they pretended to be more spiritual than they really were. Never forget, the 1st sin God judged in the church were people who pretended to be more spiritual than they really were.

And I want to say, brothers, if there is anybody in your church who is in danger of doing that, it's you, the elder. Not the others. The fellows who sit at the back are not pretending to be very spiritual.

Who is the person most in danger in your church of pretending to be more spiritual than he really is? Who pretends to have all the answers, instead of being honest and saying, I don't know the answer to that one.

It's you. You are more in danger of being like Ananias and Sapphira than anybody else in your church. Not the backsliders and worldly people whom everybody knows to be backsliders. So, and if God judges the hypocrites before the adulterers, he will judge you before he judges that adulterer sitting in your church.

Never be a hypocrite. Never speak what you have not lived. And if you speak about it, say, that is a mountain I have not yet climbed, but I want to climb it. Then you can have authority even if you are in 1st standard.

But in 1st standard, if you try to preach 2nd standard stuff and pretend you are in 2nd standard, you lose your authority immediately. Let's humble ourselves. Jesus spoke with authority. That's why even though he knew the Bible at the age of 12, he didn't go out to preach.

Because there were so many areas where still he had to be tempted. I mean, when a 12-year-old says to you, don't lust with your eyes, you say, listen, my little boy, you don't understand. I mean, unfortunately, in today's world, even 12-year-old boys may be having that problem.

But in those days, it was a little easier for 12-year-olds. So, there are many areas where Jesus had to be tempted. For example, when earning money as a carpenter, you are tempted in so many ways. He had to go through all that before preaching against the love of money.

Many of us are in a rush to get into the pulpit and get up and preach. Jesus waited till he was 30. I am not saying you have to wait until you are 30. I started when I was about 20. But I didn't preach all I am preaching today when I was 20.

I taught people CAT is cat. Because I was in the kindergarten spiritually. When you are in the kindergarten, you can teach, provided you teach kindergarten stuff. Can a person who has passed LKG teach anybody?

He can teach thousands of children in the slums of Bangalore ABCD. He can have a congregation of 1000 very easily. Provided he doesn't teach geometry and calculus and all, he teaches ABCD because that's his level.

You can be born again last year and you can teach. Teach what you have lived. Teach what you have experienced. And leave out subjects which you don't know yet. And if you have failed somewhere, say, this is a mountain I am still struggling to climb.

I haven't got to the top yet. I tell you, my brothers, authority is a million times more important than Bible knowledge. We can have a lot of Bible knowledge because we heard so many tapes come to so many conferences.

But spiritual authority, where demons tremble because you are getting into the pulpit, ask yourself this question. Not how much people are impressed with your wonderful sermon, but how much do the demons in this room tremble because I am standing here to speak.

Because they know my life is clean. Not because I never sinned, but because the blood of Jesus has cleansed me. Because I have confessed every known sin. And I am ready to immediately apologize to man if I have hurt him.

I am determined that the devil will not have power over me for one second. When you hurt somebody and you don't ask his forgiveness, the devil has got power over you until you ask that person's forgiveness.

Authority Through Repentance and Immediate Reconciliation

I remember some years ago, I rebuked one young brother here for something which he did wrong in the church. Somebody else told me that he did it. And afterwards, I discovered he did not do it. Can you imagine how bad I felt?

I immediately went to him and I said, I am sorry. Immediately. He was younger than my younger son. Age does not make a difference. Even if he is a five year old, you have got to go and apologize if you did something wrong.

Why? I don't want the devil to have power over me for one second. If I hurt my wife, I will apologize immediately. I won't wait till the night before I go to bed. I know the Bible says, don't let the sun set on your anger.

That is for half-hearted people. You know, that's the outer limit. It's like saying, last day for the application is 31st December. I don't wait till 31st December. I will fill it up straightaway and send it in.

So, last moment for getting rid of your anger is sunset. That is for half-hearted, lazy people who are waiting till the last minute, who are proud. If you are humble, you will set it right immediately.

Supposing a doctor says, listen, some good advice for you. If thorns get into your foot, at least take it out before the end of the day. So, you get a thorn in your foot now. Doctor said, at least before the end of the day, you should take it out.

So, I can walk with this thorn on my foot till sunset. Is there anybody sitting here who is so stupid? What did the doctor mean? Doctor didn't say, keep it there till the end of the day. That's not what he said.

Don't let the thorn remain in your foot overnight. So, when the Bible says, don't let your anger go beyond sunset, what does it mean? You know why you are losing authority? You want to stretch, take advantage of God till the last moment.

It's like the thief who saved just before he died. And there are people who say, I'll enjoy life and get saved just before I die. As if salvation is something you can buy from a shop which is open for 24 hours, you just walk in and buy it.

I saw a sticker once which said, those who plan to repent at the 11th hour, usually die at 10 .30. So, don't wait till the 11th hour. If you want spiritual authority, settle things immediately. Don't ever preach what you have not lived or don't plan to live.

There may be many good subjects you never talk about. How many times have you heard me preach about, go to North India as a missionary. Is it necessary? Absolutely necessary. Why don't I preach it then?

Because I haven't gone there. You know, I made a study of all these missionary organizations in India. I get a lot of their magazines at home. I discovered one thing. Except, I think, one or two missions.

All the other missions, the leaders live in the comfort of South India and send other people to North India. Every one of them, except one or two. If you don't believe me, you just check it up and see.

They live in Chennai or Bangalore or get their children educated in good schools and colleges and tell all these other people, go out there. I'm not here to judge them. I'm saying Jesus wouldn't do that.

He never told people to do what he never did himself. Don't be like them. So, authority is a very important thing. There must be an authority about your life. There must be an authority about your preaching.

And it's not by shouting. It's not by quoting a hundred verses. And it is not by eloquence. You know, I have found many people cannot distinguish between eloquence and anointing. There's a lot of difference.

Can you distinguish between eloquence and anointing? If you cannot distinguish between the two, you'll be fooled in this day and age. There's nothing wrong with eloquence. But anointing is the more important thing.

Because eloquence is a human gift. It's like a good memory. Maybe I have a good memory for scripture. But that's not a spiritual gift. It's a gift I was born with as a child because God knew one day this fellow has got to be a teacher of the word.

So, that doesn't make me more spiritual than you. I've always found great comfort in the Bible that one of the inspired writers of scripture didn't know where a verse was. I knew it better than some people in scripture.

See this for example. In Hebrews chapter 2 verse 6. But one has testified somewhere saying what is man that you'll remember him. I said, brother, that's Psalm 8, man. I can tell you that. Or at least say Psalms.

You don't even know that? Inspired by the Holy Spirit to teach us, don't be proud that you can quote scripture. I can say to this brother, brother, even the devil would have told you where that verse is.

But the devil couldn't write inspired scripture. You may know the scriptures through and through and you may know you won't write inspired scripture or speak inspired in an inspired way. Authority is not all these things.

Authority comes from a life. A life that's walked, lived before God's face. Like Elijah said to King Ahab, as the Lord lives before whom I stand. You can't stand there without a clear conscience. You can't stand before God and be a hypocrite.

But if you live there every day of your life, you'll have authority. It doesn't come through long hours of study necessarily. It comes through living before God's face. Then the other word concerning Jesus is in John chapter 19.

The Dignity of Jesus Before Pilate

So remember the first word, authority. And the other, John 19, the word is dignity. He doesn't come there, but I want to show you the principle. Now you got to picture this in your mind to see this dignity.

Jesus is stripped with torn clothes, blood flowing from head all over, crown of thorns, everything. He's looking like no criminal on earth. Look, beaten, punished before he's judged. That's why it says in Isaiah 53, judgment was taken away from him.

Justice was taken away. Justice was not given to him. He was beaten and hammered before they finished the judgment. And he stands there, stripped like a criminal, exhausted, weak. And before him stands Pilate with his robes and whatever crown or whatever he had, with all the bodyguards and all standing there.

And he says in verse 10, don't you speak to me, he tells Jesus. Don't you know I have power to release you and power to crucify you? Authority to do it. Now you see dignity. What does he say? Oh sir, please, I never did anything wrong.

No. You have no authority over me unless it was given to you by my father. That is dignity. Do you have that? A servant of God who lives before God's face has it. I'll never forget. I heard of a great servant of God in India.

This happened about 60 years ago. When there was a revival in a place and a lot of people were beginning to follow Jesus. And somebody's father got a bit upset. His daughter was becoming a wholehearted Christian.

And so to try to frighten the police, to try to frighten this preacher, he got some inspector of police to go to this church to try and speak to this preacher. This man of God was in prayer. Somebody came to him and said, police inspector wants to see you.

He said, tell him to wait. Tell him I'm talking to God. That's the only man I have met in this country who I would say without a hesitation was a man of God. I've never forgotten that. For him God was real.

If you were speaking to the president of India and some two-star police inspector comes to see you, what will you do? Run out? Say, president sir, excuse me, the inspector has come. See, God is not real to us.

I tell you God is not real to us. We're playing the fool. We talk about prayer, but we're only praying to ourselves. Do you know that a lot of people in prayer are only praying to themselves? I remember when I was a young Christian, I was in a group of churches where we were all taught to begin our day kneeling down and reading the Bible, first thing.

And to end the day on our knees reading the Bible. We couldn't sit on a chair and read the Bible. We had to kneel down and read it. I did it. And all the other brothers in the dormitory would all be kneeling down and reading the Bible.

But then they'd get up after their half an hour and fight and quarrel and get angry and do every imaginable thing that all the other worldly people do. I was only 26 years old. This puzzled me. See, I didn't grow up in Christian work.

I grew up in the Navy. So, I thought full-time Christian workers are like the most heavenly people on earth. But when I got into their midst, I found it was exactly the opposite. And you know there are times when I've spent 15 minutes listening to a man of God.

15 minutes! And it's gripped my heart. Can you imagine what 15 minutes with God himself will do? No, if you spend 15 minutes with God, it should be much greater than spending 15 minutes listening to a man of God.

How is it you find yourself more challenged 15 minutes listening to a man of God than 15 minutes in prayer? Shall I give you a revelation? You are not making contact with God in prayer. That's what I discovered that day.

These fellows, the Lord said to me, they are not spending time with me. They may be on their knees, but it could be a chemistry book in front of them. They get to know that. Supposing you read a chemistry book on your knees, will you become spiritual?

You will get knowledge of chemistry. You read the Bible on your knees, you get the knowledge of the Bible. Not knowledge of God. That's a million times difference between knowledge of the Bible and knowledge of God.

The devil knows the Bible. He knows it so well that he knew the exact verse to quote to Jesus in the temptation. So, I have known many times in prayer. I know, I didn't contact God. I said a lot of things, Lord, I pray for so and so, so and so, so and so, so and so.

You know, even some of our times of what we call praise and worship, noise and shouting and all half an hour, wonderful time. I have sometimes sung some of these hymns with great fervency in such times.

I asked myself at the end of it, what did I sing? You know, sometimes we used to sing from a song book. And I know that I have sung that song thousand times. I know it by heart. And I like the tune. I like to swing also when I sing.

Great, great, great, great. At the end of it, I discovered I didn't think of one word of what I said. And I get convicted about it. The song leader goes to the next song. And I am back to the old song.

I say, Lord, I didn't mean all this. All the others are singing the next song. I am going through the words of the old song, trying to mean it before God. I remember hearing a story of this great man of God, A. W. Tozer.

He was one of those rare men in the 20th century who was a real prophet. Among those whom I would consider a prophet, maybe four or five in the 20th century. That's not God's opinion. That's my opinion.

But he was one of them. They built a new church. He was a pastor of a church. And they had a dedication service. You know, all the pomp and show and dedication service. And he went home after the service.

And he felt so convicted that, Lord, we didn't do it the right way. And he went back to that church building at night, when nobody was there. And he knelt down and said, Lord, this is the dedication service now.

Now there is nobody here to impress or show or anything. I want to dedicate this building to you. How many men even get convicted about that? How many men would ever do that? He was in another Youth for Christ meeting once, where they asked Tozer to speak.

You know, well-known man. So, he came for the Youth for Christ service, to our service. And you know, these Youth for Christ services are like this. There will be a skit and a special number and a song.

And then another special number and a song. And then some fellow will get up and crack a few jokes. And then like that, about one hour, 45 minutes goes. And then they go to Tozer and say, brother, we got about 15 minutes.

Can you share the word? So, he got up and said, the message the Lord has given me will take much longer than 15 minutes. So, God bless you all. Amen. That requires a man of God to do that. Of course, you know, they never invited him again for such meetings.

Living Before God’s Face With Authority and Dignity

See, these are rare men in the history of Christianity who had authority and dignity because they lived before God. They knew God. They lived so much in God's presence, they couldn't care less for the greatest human being on earth.

Like Nathan the prophet who could say to David, the man after God's own heart, you're the man who's guilty. When we have men like that in our churches, we'll have a revival. We want to become better preachers.

We want to have a reputation that we can preach well. Forget it. Seek for authority, dignity, like Jesus had. That one day if you have to stand in a court, stand there and say, you got no authority over me.

That's how we can say it too. Nobody can touch a hair on my head. Either what Jesus said, that statement Jesus said is true, or this whole book is a useless book fit to be thrown in the garbage bin. You know, that's the problem.

We don't believe what Jesus said. The hairs of your head are numbered. Nobody can touch you. It's true. If you don't believe it, then of course you don't have that dignity and authority. The Bible says in Zechariah chapter 2 and verse 8, the last part, he who touches you, touches the apple of God's eye.

You know, the apple of our eye is the most sensitive part of our body. You don't feel hurt if you touch any part of your body. There's no pain. But one part of your body, if you just touch it, it pains.

That's the apple of your eye. Most sensitive. God says to us, someone touches you, it's the apple of my eye. I say, Lord, I believe that. Somebody touches me, he's touching the apple of God's eye. Tell me.

Okay, now a very simple question. When somebody touches the apple of your eye, what does the eye do? Nothing. No, no, no. Apple of eye cannot close. Eye lid may close, but apple of eye does nothing. Does nothing.

Who acts? Somebody touches me, God will deal with him. Even if I forgive him, God will deal with him. Do you know that? My duty is to forgive him. But God will still deal with him. Jesus said, Father, forgive them, these fellows who are crucifying me.

You think in the day of judgment they'll be forgiven? Not at all. Not at all. Forty years after Jesus was crucified, the Jews were scattered throughout the earth for two thousand years. And in the day of judgment, those Pharisees will be condemned to hell for crucifying the Son of God.

And if they say to God, Father, but Jesus forgave us on the cross. You know what God will say? As a man, he forgave you the horizontal element of that sin. The vertical element of the sin was not forgiven because you never repented.