(Testimony) Story How I Almost Divorced My Wife — David Wilkerson

A Marriage Tested by Illness and Fear

All right, I told you I wanted to share with your confession now my wife and I agreed. She would allow me To share with you what I'm about to share. And though this happened years ago We felt at this critical time That we should share it because would help a lot of others.

We're going through something very similar because my wife and I just about did not make it. That's right. And it began one day when I walked in the kitchen. And I saw Gwen leaning over the kitchen sink grabbing her side and screaming in pain.

She said honey. Come here. Put your hand here. There was a big lump. I Panicked. I said my goodness. How long do you have that? She said a couple months. She said it's like a knife. I So tired all the time and I get these weak spells just drain my strength.

She said I'm afraid there's something there. I took her to our physician the next day. He probed around a bit and he said mr. Wilkson. It's just a swollen over. It's infected. Here's some medication. I'm sure it'll dissolve it'll go away.

We were relieved. Went home the medication helped for a couple weeks. It was a second or third week after we were in Pittsburgh visiting her mother. And we're Gimbel's department store. I'll never forget it.

She was buying a pair of stockings and all of a sudden that scream she bent over in pain. She said honey, it's bigger and it's worse than ever. It's like a butcher knife cutting me. I Really got scared.

I called her mother and we got the name of an internist a specialist. I took her in he probed around and he called me in the next room. He said sir, you get your wife back to New York immediately demand a barium enema x-ray.

You've got serious problems. You're in trouble. I Started playing a game with Gwen. I just told her lie. And that's where it all the trouble begins when you're dishonest when you cheat. Just by being dishonest even about this kind of a third party even a disease.

A few days later. She's in the hospital. It's 10 o 'clock in the morning the following day. The doctor called me up and he said David. I'm really sorry. I missed it. I said, what are you talking about?

He said your wife sir has a cancer on her lower bowel the size of a lemon. And I want permission to prepare for surgery she should be operated on right away and I was angry. I blew up. I said, what do you mean?

You missed it. You told me it's just an infected ovary. He said well, we're human sir. We do make mistakes. When I slammed the phone down when I went in the hospital, I started playing a game with Gwen again.

I said honey, the doctor said that the ovary is infected. It needs to come out less than affect the other ovary. So you're gonna have to go into surgery and she agreed. The doctor let me wait in the little outer room.

He said David I'll be in there about four hours. I'll tell you what happens as soon as I get out. He was in there six hours and I knew there was trouble when he was two hours. Overdue came out and pulled off that green mask and I can still see him.

He shook his head. He said sir, it's a shame the 32 year old woman should have such a black ugly thing like that in her. He said I had to cut out all the lymph glands half her bowels. And he said we hope we got it we don't take it metastasized but we had to take out all the lymph glands in midsection.

Said it's in God's hands now. When I saw Gwen at the recovery room, she was coming out. I tried to lie to her again at this time. She said David Stop it. She said it was cancer. Wasn't it? I've known it all the time.

I said yes, and so the tension was gone but friends that was the beginning of a Third party introduced in our home. That was absolutely devastating. I had no way we need ever said any way of knowing how low it would take us in despair despondency.

Ministry, Vulnerability, and the Burden of Public Faith

Some of you people here tonight may have been through it and maybe you're going to have to go through it. The Holy Ghost is trying to prepare you and this is very very difficult for me. But we've lived through it my wife I both agreed that so many people could be helped if you could just listen because when I was in Bible school We would have ministers common.

They'd stand there and I'd be sitting in chapel all my problems all these advances be talking about all the great victories and all the things That they'd accomplished and I sit there with all my problems.

I said that doesn't make sense. They can't be all right, and I'm all wrong. And I thought Lord if you ever give me a ministry I want to get up and confess some of my problems so that the people are going through it like me can relate to it.

That's the reason I'm like this. I can't help it anymore. Friends she got along for a year or so and regained some strength. But boy those tired spells would hit her again and then another lump in the next five years.

When had I think five operations three malignancies to non-malignant the goiter other midsection problems and She was cut. Four times across crisscross the stomach and after the fourth operation, I think was the fifth operation.

She seemed to regaining strength. But becoming very weak and we used to we lived in Staten Island. She used to like to walk around the block. And we were taking a walk one night and she really shocked me.

She said David They've cut me so much. I don't feel like a woman anymore. I want another child. We're almost passed out. I Said that's the worst thing in the world. Hey all you've been through now to carry a baby.

She said I want a child and I knew I know now why God put that in her heart because soon after that She'd not be allowed able to have anymore. We planned our fourth child that's Greggy back there now 10 going on 11 Healthy and strong and call of God in his life.

You're gonna be a preacher. He said it was year after that. She seemed regaining strength. We were so happy. We're coming home from Memphis General Council and on the way home. She had one of those attacks.

Started to bleed we rushed her into the nearest town into a hospital. They sedated her stopped the bleeding said get her to a hospital. You've got problems and once again dear Gwen was down at this time a Surgeon friend of mine.

Did the operation. Very fine Christian spirit-filled man. Thought it would make a little easier this time a radical hysterectomy. And I mean that it was radical surgery this time when Gwen came out this time.

She said they'll never lay another knife on me ever. I don't care. They'll never it used to grieve me people would come to me and say David you've got faith to believe God for miracles for drug Alcoholics prostitutes, why can't you believe God to heal your wife of cancer and our it hurt us because God had done something wonderful for us.

He'd given us what I call the fate of the Hebrew children. The Hebrew children stood in front of the fire furnace. They knew in their heart God was able and their message the whole world was simply this we know our God is able.

But if we have to go through the furnace He'll take us through and friends God saw to saw fit to take us through the furnace. But it was in the furnace that we came out. Came out with his hand on our that's where we met him in the furnace.

God takes you through the flood. He doesn't bypass it. You go through the wilderness through the fire through the flood and that's where he meets you this time. A Surgeon calls me in the next room and he said Reverend Wilkerson you're a man of God, but you've got to know something.

We've taken two of the three lines of defense against disease away from your wife. She has no more Hormone system being produced no more goiter. So there's no thyroid. She has to take thyroid Hormone, and he listed all the medications should take the rest of her life.

He said she's going to go through massive sudden changes in her body and in her psyche and she's going to feel depression. Like she's never felt she's going to feel fits of jealousy and temper. And she's going to go through every range of human feeling so high and so low.

It'll be devastating and unless you're prepared unless you're patient and understanding. You can only make it more difficult and hurt yourself sir. Be prepared. I'm just telling you're in for it. You're going to see things you've never saw before and your wife's you're gonna be another woman.

Depression, Compassion, and the Breakdown of Communication

And I couldn't understand then what he was talking. Couldn't he begin to comprehend it the first three months? We were able to take it pretty well when I'd come up from Teen challenge and walk in the streets and walk in the house and see her handshake when she's drinking coffee.

I could take her to the room and pray with her and she was relieved. But friends that went downhill down here for the next six months. It got worse and worse until finally it got on my nerves. I say to myself when I look I'm walking the streets I'm giving my life and to come home to that torment.

Maybe she's not trying because I came on one time and she was screaming at the children and that I Couldn't understand that and she'd run to the room and say David, why do I do that? You know, that's not me and we'd pray but after a while friends the depressant got so bad.

She slipped so low physically. She said I'll never get it came home one day. She said you don't love me. The kids don't love me. Nobody loves me. I don't want to live and suddenly that loss of a will to live.

Nobody cares and friends. I've been going around the country preaching and asking prayer and she had more people praying. We had flowers and telegrams and people praying and more friends. You never had your life, but the enemy trying to say nobody cares.

You don't care. Nobody cares. Boy, I would come home and go into the garage where I had a little prayer room and say God, it's not right. I can't carry this kind of a battle and friends for a whole year I traveled around the country preaching Crusades and at the stand and hearing in my subconscious mind David.

You're a phony you preach deliverance and yet you can't solve your own problem. You're gonna wind up in divorce court and the millions of people ready to cross and switchblade are gonna laugh and you're gonna bring Reproach on the ministry and one night in California.

I was preaching for Miss Catherine Coleman 4 ,000 people and in the middle of the sermon it rang through my mind. You're a phony. You have no right to preach. You're a phony and I was paralyzed. I couldn't move.

I grabbed the pulpit and nothing came out. I stood there for three minutes. Just petrified and suddenly turn and walked off the stage. Walked off in front of 4 ,000 people right in the middle of my message.

Miss Coleman had to take over the service. I went up to the side and brother and Vic was there. He said David what's wrong? I said, I'm a phony. He didn't know what's talking about. I just walked out.

I said I can't preach. I can't stand up anymore and tell what God can do until God Heals our marriage because we were not making we were arguing now. We were not understanding we were not communicating.

I knew she loved me and I knew I loved her and there was no other third party, but this Disease that it was crippling. But I knew the enemy was going to use this trying to destroy our home and marriage.

Our children knew it and some of our closest friends knew it. I went home and did what most people do when they're headed for trouble. They think a second honeymoon will solve everything as if geographically removing yourself from the area of your problem.

Would solve it friends. You take your problem with you. You don't solve it by going somewhere. You solve it right here in your heart. And so I went home and I said honey, I've got to go to California for Crusades next week.

The Failed Escape to California

Let's get somebody wants the kids. Let's take a second honeymoon. She said we need something David. We flew to California arrived at Friday checked into the hotel In Anaheim and I had a Saturday afternoon banquet for some 400 500 ministers and their wives the Southern California district and In a big crusade that night at the Long Beach auditorium.

Thousands of people expected it was Saturday afternoon. I was dressing to get ready for the crusade. And I don't know what triggered it. But for some reason or another we started arguing and I blew up.

I Said that does it. God doesn't expect that of me. I said, we're not making it. We came here to California. We're not solving our problem. I said I'm having a hard enough time preaching. I feel like a phony now.

I've lost the victory. You're not coming in the car with me. I Flipped her a telephone number. I said here you call Ralph. I lean if you want to come you come with them. You're not coming in a car with me.

I got in my Hertz rental car and drove off in a huff to the banquet. They had my book set up down in the lobby. And when I appeared kids came running up wanted me to autograph the cross and switch blade.

And if you'd have seen me then you would have never known with that phony smile on my face that I was dying inside. And going through a ravishing period in my life ten minutes before the banquets to start here comes my wife in with the pastor and his wife and We'd learned by now to put on a big front so she smiled and sighed up to me.

We walked in hand-in-hand and sat at the speaker's table to banquet and Friends, I felt like I was in an echo chamber. I Didn't hear a word for the first hour preliminaries. I was in an echo chamber and I was so low and I reached in my pocket and I had $500 in travelers checks.

The Temptation to Run Away

Now, it's not because I carry a lot of money. But the tickets alone were $300 and we were going to be there for a week. We thought and Suddenly a scripture came to me. It's a scripture that David used.

It was what David said when he was going through a trial and he wanted to run away from it. He said all that I had the wings of a dove. Then I could fly off to some distant wilderness and escape this tempest and storm.

All that I had wings of a dove. I could fly away to a wilderness. And on my way to the meeting that afternoon I'd seen a bus pull out of the station there it said Mexico City. And all of a sudden it hit me.

God Doesn't expect this of you. You've got $500 in your pocket. Just get up walk out and go to the Bus station and get a ticket go to Mexico City take your Bible and your clothes and. And Check into a hotel down there and write another book maybe on family problems because now you can relate to them.

Fast and pray call, New York and tell Paul to the treasurer to give your paycheck to your wife and take care of the family. Don't let anybody know where you're at. And one of these days when she really tries when she starts praying and seeking God like she should.

Then she'll come crawling back to you. Then you can come home. God doesn't expect it friends. I did the stupidest thing ever did in my life. I got up put the chair under The table and walked out. People must have thought I was going to the restroom.

And I headed for that bus station feeling sorry for myself and hurt and depressed the lowest I'd ever been in my whole ministry. I got that bus station and I'm standing there getting ready to lay money down for a ticket and Friends all of a sudden I began to shake and tremble because the fear of God came on me.

The Holy Spirit fell on me and I heard it ringing through my subconscious mind. David. What a fool what a fool you talk about being hurt. You talk about not being understood and yet you haven't had the knife laid on you.

You haven't had the tubes down your throat. You haven't have to face the trauma of cancer. She has done all the suffering you don't even begin to know what suffering is. She's gone through it all if anyone has a right to run away.

She does not. You get back before it's too late. Now tell you I literally ran. I remember jumping over a car. I Put my hands in the front leap right over the front of it. Over a fire hydrant and I huffed and puffed my way back and I got there five minutes before they introduced me to speak.

Wrestling with God for a Way of Escape

My wife later said she knew what I'd tried to do she wanted to do the same thing. I Don't even know what I spoke friends. I got through it. But after the banquet about 515 530 I handed my wife a key to the room.

They'd given us there at the hotel. I said, honey. We're not making it and I said I can't go on. I'm at the end of my rope. I said you go to the room. You know, I love you. I know you love me. But I can't Go on another day.

I said no. I've got to preach to thousands of people tonight and I'm not going to do it unless God meets me unless God heals our marriage in our home. And I went up to a little dressing room. It's still there up at the Long Beach auditorium.

Dirty old filthy dressing room. I slammed the door and I pounded my fist against the wall almost till I bled said God like Jacob wrestling with the angel of God. I'll not let you go. Until you answer prayer.

God you've met me all these years. You've met my financial need. You've healed boys like Nikki Cruz. I've seen your miracle working power and this burden is too much and I'll tell you friends. He said he'll make a way of escape.

Hallelujah. God said he'd make a way of escape that we may be able to bear it and friends after an hour. So something happened in that little room. God poured on me a fresh anointing an anointing like I had never experienced all my life even fresher than when God first called me to The streets of New York and suddenly all that poison was worst out.

Glory to God. It doesn't take God all night just takes God a few moments the worst out all the fear and he worst out the Depression and I knew God was going to bring healing to all my wife in our home that night Friends at 730.

Preaching Love and Experiencing Healing

I walked out and the place was packed and jammed. I didn't even have my Bible with me. I didn't even know where I'd left it didn't even have a note all I remember. I was in a daze. I was in the spirit and I heard someone introducing me and I stood before Thousands of people and I remember for just a half an hour preached on love.

Who God if God marked iniquities who among us could stand. He remembers our frame he remembers that we're but dust. No. I begin to just pour out of my heart the love that I felt for Jesus and the love that he was giving back to me all the love I Spoke for having our through tears day dies and halfway through my message and I'd never experienced such anointing.

It was though I'd stepped out of my body and and the Lord himself just speaking to my lips. You're just pouring out. I couldn't wait to hear what the Holy Ghost will say next just pour it out and halfway through my message Lord, let me pick out Gwen's face way in the back out thousands of people I could see her and her hands were raised in tears to her down her cheeks and suddenly I had a Holy Ghost premonition God is healing your wife right now God is healing the miracles happened and boy that just rolled off of me and I knew it.

I knew it. I gave an invitation that night and over a thousand people came forward. I'd never seen anything like it and people were crying and making up with each other as a beautiful experience and About ten minutes later into the altar service.

I heard somebody go That turn and there's Gwen behind the curtain going like this motion for me to come here Boy and I walked away from thousands of people. I went over and I picked her up and hugged her and she said dude I feel like a 13 year old girl.

I have never felt like this in all my life. She said, you know, you preached your whole sermon right at me. I said honey. There's a thousand others. They're thinking the same thing. She said no. She said halfway through your message tonight the anointing of God came on you.

So your face lit up. She said I saw a ring around your face. She said and God took that anointing and broke the yoke. In my life the anointing on you Touched my life and broke the yoke. She said the depression snapped.

She said the glory of the Lord filled my heart and she said God told me I'm healed. She said I am healed. She said the depression is gone. She said let's get out of here. And we got out of there we walked away from thousands people didn't tell anybody in French that second honeymoon was ten million times better than the first.

And we've been going on it ever since. Hallelujah, it's just been absolutely beautiful. You say you got no more problems. Oh, yes, but we always make sure I'm there first honey. I'm the one that's sorry.

Returning to Covenant Faithfulness in Marriage

We've learned the sorry secret. Hallelujah glory be to God. Now I'm going to tell you something you tell me your marriage is hopeless. You say well it used to be nice. Come on, you stood one day and with this I close you stood one day with your husband or your wife before an altar.

I don't know whether you went a right dress or not. But you stood there either before justice the peace or minister the gospel. You said I love you until death do us part and you were married in the sight of God.

And I don't know what's happened in the meantime. I don't care if you're retired. Maybe you say the magic is gone David. I'll never be able to sense what I had before. Well friends, we don't live by feelings.

We live by faith that if I faith you'll come to him now pray for a miracle. God can heal you. God can heal your marriage and he said here's what the Bible said. I've got something against you because you left your first love.

You didn't lose it. You left it. So remember how it was and repent and go back and do it all over again. Come on, remember how it was and go back and do it all over again. Now I used to have people come forward that wanted their marriages healed and I'd have the repeat the marriage vows until I saw how Stupid that is those are just words.

I didn't mean anything. It's the act of kindness. It's determining in your mind. I'm going to make this work. I believe in miracles. I believe in God. I believe God can keep my hope. I'm not going to give up.

I'm not gonna let the devil destroy my home and ruin my kids. Break up. My husband and my wife. I'll not allow it. Never some of you young married couples. Needed this so much tonight. Look what's happened all the press of this age.

Father. I've made a confession. Now we've all got to make a confession. Lord I needed this tonight. This is exactly what I need. I need it. I Acknowledge it. I admit that I need help. That's where it begins.

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