Marriage- the Picture of Christ and His Church — Francis Chan

If you remember, three weeks ago, we started a series called Christ-Centered Relationships, and my wife and I have been teaching that for the last few weeks. In fact, someone asked me today, your wife's gonna be up there with you, right?

I go, no, it's just me, and just the look of disappointment, you know? It just, it said it all. But if you remember, three weeks ago, we talked about how there's something much bigger than marriage, and we talked out of 1 Corinthians chapter seven, and we explained that, remember, marriage is not eternal.

Our marriage is gonna last a few years, and then it's done, okay? And then we come into heaven where this eternal relationship with God, and how we're all family at that point. And we also talked about how there's something bigger than marriage, and that's our mission here on Earth.

Marriage as a Picture of Christ and the Church

You know, our mission is not just to have a nice, happy family and create a home on this Earth. That's not the mission. The mission is to reflect Jesus Christ, to show Jesus Christ to this world, and somehow, during our lifetimes, to have this purpose of, I wanna show the world, not just talk about how great my God is.

I wanna show it by the way that I love other people. I wanna put Christ on display. And last week, if you remember, my wife did an outstanding job of putting meat on those bones, of fleshing that out and explaining, okay, how do we, as women, show Christ or display Christ by the way that we treat our husbands?

Are we painting a correct picture of Jesus Christ by the way we treat our husbands? In fact, just so there's no questions, I am in 100 agreement with everything my wife taught last week. I thought she did an amazing job.

In fact, I told her, I don't know that I've ever heard someone lay out, as well, the way that women are to biblically live out that role as wives and to reflect Jesus Christ in that way. And she made some comments about how wives aren't to just sit there quietly and say nothing.

I mean, the whole point of God creating that helper and that position is, as men, we need their wisdom. And I would agree with that 100%. We're not made to do this by ourselves. I need her wisdom. As you heard her speak, you realize, wow, there's a completeness as she's up here with me.

I need that weird intuition stuff you guys have. It's just all, you know, it's just this joint thing where we work together and make it through this life together. And it's an amazing, amazing thing it can be.

Acknowledging Pain in Family Relationships

And, you know, we got a lot of great comments back. One interesting comment, a couple mentioned on this, and I wanna touch on it. One person said it so well in an email. She says, when I saw Francis so enamored with his wife up there, it was like a dagger to my heart because it's something I've wanted so badly.

And we got different comments about pain and relationships. And I don't wanna go on in this series without first acknowledging that there is tremendous, tremendous pain involved in relationships and in family.

In fact, you are the weird, strange exception in this room if you haven't been there. If you haven't spent hours grieving over various family relationships and even weeping over different broken relationships in family.

You guys know I've been traveling most of the summer. And there was a conference I did a couple of weeks ago where just everything came to a head. And I was speaking on trials with these high school students.

And there were thousands of these kids and they would write on cards things that they were struggling with or that their friends were struggling with in relationships. And then afterwards, one of the counselors came up to me after I was speaking.

A counselor came, he goes, oh, I'm so glad you spoke on trials. He goes, I kinda snuck a kid into this conference. He's not quite in high school yet, but we got him in because of the situation. And he's so need to hear this message.

You see, he found his dad after his dad committed suicide. He's the one that found the body about a year ago and had a real rough time. And then he goes, two weeks ago, before this camp, he's at a family reunion, family get together.

And his mom got a knife and started stabbing his little brothers. And they were able to pull her off of the little brothers and save the two brothers' lives. But then as they separated her, she took the knife to her own throat and killed herself.

And he's at camp this week. So I'm so glad you gave that message. And I'm, meanwhile, another counselor standing by listening to that and said, oh man, I've got a girl. And she watched her husband, or watched her dad kill mom.

And so then he goes to jail. She's dead. She's an orphan. You know, just, and I'm sitting there and I'm listening to story after story and reading these cards of these high school students. And I'm going, I sometimes forget.

I sometimes just forget what's going on out there. And forget what's going on even in this room. And I know that even as I speak on this, there are, there's some of you that are just grieving over relationships.

Some of you have experienced death in the family. That's not something you just snap out of or get over. And maybe the most painful thing we can experience on this earth as believers is when we have a child, or a spouse, or a parent who doesn't love God, who doesn't love Jesus.

And you just think in your mind, I would do anything for him. I would do anything for her to get him or her to follow Jesus. And yet there's only so much you can do. And there's that helpless feeling of the thought of, I can't imagine being separated for eternity.

And yet you're helpless. Because you can't make anyone fall in love with Jesus Christ. You can't just get your husband to fall in love with Jesus Christ. All these things we're telling you and we're talking about.

Well, if you do this, if you do this, you do this. There's still no guarantee. There's no guarantee that your spouse will love Jesus. There's no guarantee that your kids will. There's no guarantee that your parents will.

There's no guarantee that your brother or your sister will. And it's the hardest thing about living on this earth. It really is. It's the one thing that keeps us from really longing for the return of Jesus Christ, right?

Because while we selfishly go, yeah, come Lord Jesus, come Lord Jesus. There's other half of us going, no, not yet, not yet, not yet. And it's absolutely devastating. And I don't wanna just go, hey, let's talk about husbands, wives, whatever.

And not just at least stop and acknowledge and pray. Because there are some of you in this room this morning that you're just absolutely wiped out. You're absolutely torn apart. You're losing it. You just feel like you're absolutely losing your mind.

Because these people you love so much are not loving God. And I don't know if there's anything more painful on this earth. Here's what I'd like us to do. I'd like us to pray for each other, just silently.

I'd like you just to pray for the person on your right, the person on your left. Just silently come before God. And I'm just gonna give you a minute so you make sure you know their names. And not only that, but maybe just real quickly, just tell the person next to your name and then maybe just say one relationship that you'd like them to pray for.

All you gotta say is, my name is Francis, my wife and I, you know, or my brother and I. You know, that type of thing. And so go ahead and make sure you know everyone's name and just tell real quickly who you'd like them to pray for.

Prayer for Wounded Families and Unbelieving Loved Ones

Father, there are some incredibly sad people in this room. There are marriages that are ready to end. There are kids that are ready to run away, parents that are ready to run. God, it's not a great picture to the world of what you can do and God, it breaks our heart.

It's not your intention for marriage or for family. And so God, I just pray that you would bring your healing power into this room. Overwhelm us by the power of your Holy Spirit, especially to the men this morning, God.

Help us to become the men that you've called us to be, an accurate picture of Jesus Christ. May people see the way that we treat our wives, the way we treat our kids, and may they see Jesus in us, in our actions.

We pray for those of our family that we love so much, who aren't in love with you. We just know how good it is to know you and I just pray for them, Lord, because we can't make them love you. We just ask that you continue to draw them to yourself.

I don't know how to pray that prayer with enough force behind it, because for a lot of us, we want that more than anything else on this earth. Speak to each one in this room today, the way you always do, in your unique way.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Well, this week, I'm addressing the men specifically. And we're talking about how men can display Jesus Christ in our marriages by the way that we treat our wives. How are we painting this picture of Jesus and maybe some practical ways to do that.

The Husband's Inadequacy and the Call to Christlike Love

But let me just, let me start off by saying, okay, first of all, I don't think we're gonna get to the parenting part, because there's just too much just in being a husband, and maybe we'll hit parents next week, but I struggle with even teaching, especially the parenting part.

I never really wanna talk on parenting, because then once you do that, everyone checks out your kids and makes sure that they're perfect and you screw them up. But let me just say, as far as the husband part, even that, I struggle with teaching this, because again, I don't want it to sound like I'm putting myself up as the example of the perfect husband.

That's not why my wife and I were up here these last couple of weeks. In fact, at times, you feel inadequate to teach certain things. And yesterday, I was at the funeral for Glenn Jackson, who was the pastor in town that died last week.

And amazing, amazing family, man. When you talk about husband and father, Glenn Jackson, who was older than I, but definitely just far more mature in that area, his wife got up to share, and she makes this statement of her husband of 30-something years.

She gets up and says, in all those years of marriage, never once did I hear an unkind word come out of his mouth toward me. And my first response was, you know, like, come on. You know, like, honestly, you know, and yet, knowing Glenn, it's true.

Man, I would watch this guy interact with his wife, and guys, you ever meet one of those guys where you just go, man, would you just get mad, or would you do something? Would you, you know, but it just seemed like it wasn't even in him to say something malicious, you know, toward his wife or toward his kids, and his daughters get up, same type of thing of just this dad, and honestly, this is a part of me that's a little envious, a part of me, like, God, why didn't you bless me with that type of patience or whatever else?

Because it really was, I would watch the way he interacted with his wife and everything else, and there really was a picture of, wow, you just go, man, I can't believe how much he does for her, loves her, and just the kindness, the warmth, the affection, everything.

You go, okay, that's a picture of Jesus Christ. That's the way Jesus Christ loves me. But for many of us men, we look at ourselves and go, gosh, I'm so far from that. Because I look at myself, and one of my struggles is patience, one of my biggest struggles is patience, and getting irritated and bugged by people or whatever else, and I've shared this before, but I remember years ago, my wife just asked me, she goes, honey, can you just tell me what you love the most about me?

And I just remember it was like an immediate response. I looked at her, and I said, of every person on this planet, you bug me the least. Isn't that romantic? But she actually took it as this great compliment, because it really was.

I mean, that's just because she knows me, knows my frustrations, my weaknesses, and everything else, and I could honestly say, and I can still say, gosh, of everyone on the earth, she bugs me the least.

It's just, it's a great romantic relationship. Ephesians five, verse 25. So all that to say, we're all working together, and don't look at me as the perfect example, and yet, at the same time, let's not make these excuses of, oh, I'm not wired this way or that way.

We strive after this, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, we seek to be Christ, and a picture of Christ. Ephesians five, verse 25 says, husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body.

For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The Profound Mystery of Marriage and the Church

I've taught this passage many times, and I have made a huge error in teaching this passage. And the error is that I, early on in my ministry, I would leave out verse 32, where it says, this is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.

You see, it's easy when you talk about relationships. Everyone goes to Ephesians 5 during wedding ceremonies. We'll go to Ephesians 5, family conferences, Ephesians 5, but what we'll do is we'll read the whole passage.

Husbands, love your wives. Emphasize this, emphasize this. It's like, oh, do you understand? For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. The two will become one flesh.

This is what profound mystery I'm talking about, Christ and the church. However, each one of you must, you know, and we'll kind of breeze through that part, and yet the truth is is if you miss verse 32, you miss the crux of the whole passage.

You miss the point of this whole passage about this profound mystery, but he explains, okay, he quotes from Genesis the whole idea of a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife, becoming one flesh, and then he says that's a profound mystery, and we stop there and go, yeah, that is a mystery that God sees us, you know, as two people as one.

He goes, no, that's not the mystery, though. It's a profound mystery. His point is something greater. He goes, and I'm talking about Christ and the church. It's this picture. He goes, the mystery is, is here you have in the Old Testament this idea of a man and a woman coming together and becoming one flesh.

There's no mystery if that's all it is. The mystery is that this coming together of a husband and wife and becoming one flesh was pointing forward to something greater and was a picture of how Christ and us as his church, his bride, that somehow we become one.

It was pointing to something greater. Let me explain this concept to you. If you have your Bibles, turn to Hebrews chapter nine. Hopefully I can give you some biblical examples to explain this idea of this profound mystery because we've got to get this.

We've got to understand this. In Hebrews chapter nine, okay, let's back up a little. Go ahead and turn there, but you know how in the Old Testament, those of you who have read through the Old Testament, you'll get to this one part where they're building the temple and it bores you to death because you read about all these measurements.

This must be eight cubits high by four cubits wide by, you know, on and on and on. And it's like chapters and chapters. You're like, come on. You know, what is this all about, this temple? And they wanted these perfect specifications and everything else.

Well, read in Hebrews chapter nine, verse 23, I want to explain something. Hebrews nine, verse 23, it's talking about this temple and it says this, it was necessary then for the copies of the heavenly things to be purified with these sacrifices, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.

For Christ did not enter a man-made sanctuary that was only a copy of the true one. He entered heaven itself now to appear for us in God's presence. Okay, he's talking about this temple, but in talking about the temple, he explains that it's a copy of something that is in heaven.

Why was God so specific about all these dimensions? He says, because it's a picture of something far greater. This temple that I want you to build on this earth, this idea of the holy of holies, this sanctuary that's here, it's all a picture, a copy of something much greater in heaven that I want you to have a model of that on the earth.

You understand that? So that whole temple building and everything else, it was this copy of something that's in heaven that's greater than what we could see on earth, but he wanted this replica to look really good and real precise, and so this has to be gold, this has to be ivory, this arc has to have these specifications, all this stuff because it's a picture of something greater.

Old Testament Sacrifices as Shadows of Christ

Now you remember how they had all those sacrifices in the Old Testament? You know how they would have all these specifics of, okay, I want you to take a bull, I want you to kill him on this day, I want the blood to go here, then I want you to take a ram, and I want you to do this with the ram, then I want you to, you know, on and on and on, these sacrifices.

Well, if you continue reading in Hebrews 10, in Hebrews 10, verse four, as it's talking about these sacrifices, it explains in verse four of Hebrews 10, it says, because it is impossible, it's impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sin.

He explains, you know how in the Old Testament I had you bring these bulls, and I had you bring these goats, and somehow it was this picture of someone, something paying the penalty for your sin, there's this blood sacrifice because of what you did?

He says, those animals did not pay for your sin. He goes, it's impossible to take a bull and have the bull pay for your sin. But you understand, it was a picture. It was a picture of something that was to come.

It was a picture of something greater. It was this mystery that later on, and it was prophesied in the Old Testament too, that there was gonna come this perfect sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. And so the point of those bulls and the goats and the sacrifices, it was all pointing to this future sacrifice, the real thing, that was actually gonna take away their sin.

That was all a picture of something to come. My point is, is just like you have this temple that's a little replica, the point is, it's a copy of something greater that's in heaven. You have these sacrifices of all these animals that were all pointing to a picture of something greater, which was gonna be Christ on the cross.

Marriage as a Sign of Union with Christ

He explains that your marriage and this union of a man and a woman coming together and becoming one flesh was just a picture of something far greater of the thought that God and I would become one. Just like a husband and wife come together and become one flesh, that somehow there's a reality that me as this rotten little flesh and blood human being could become one with my creator.

That's an amazing thought, that's a profound mystery that Christ and his church would have this marriage and somehow become like one flesh in the same way that a husband and wife does. So understand, this is not about your marriage.

This is not about, oh, the greatest thing is to have this marriage, no, no, no. Your marriage is pointing to something greater, just like the temple was pointing to something greater, just like the sacrifices were pointing to something greater.

That's why, you know, in the Old Testament, when the priest would bring these crummy sacrifices, you remember God says, no, I want an unblemished, like get the best, the very best, I don't want any spot, I don't want any deformity on this male lamb, one year, you know, I want you to bring it.