Deep Dealing - My Testimony — Andrew Strom

Surrendering the Whole Life to God

I'd sit through altar calls Seriously during my teenage years and I'd just be hanging on to the chair. Not to go forward. The reason I didn't want to go forward was because I knew that if I gave my whole life to God I knew that's what God wanted.

He wanted Absolutely every part of me and that's what I was resisting because even though my life was a hellhole it was my hellhole and And I wanted to hang on to that. So So I resisted for years literally I would sit I would go to these Christian camps I would sit through the altar calls would go to these Christian events and the evangelist and I always knew God wanted Absolutely every part of me and I didn't know what he was going to tell me to do after that.

So I just resisted and resisted and my life was a total misery. In fact, I was quite suicidal. I was suicidal for Three or four years pretty bad. So anyway Why I hang on to that I have no idea but when I was 17 God finally yanked that rope hard enough to just make me.

You know, I remember, you know I just I just got to the point where I wanted to surrender to God and I started to hunger after God instead of running away and and some friends of mine got filled with the Holy Spirit in the Baptist Church and The Baptist youth group and I could see the change in them and I thought man this this is all true.

So I got filled with the Holy Spirit and Suddenly I was like a lion and I would witness to everything that moved and I was filled with the love of God and I think that's what made the difference is when you get filled with the love of God and it's sort of like No one has to make you do anything for God.

It's sort of like you're filled with the love of God and you just want to do everything you can for God. So That was a change that occurred when I was 17. But after that I think is more applicable To you guys today, I mean My walk with God.

You know, so that was that was over 20 years ago now. One Of the things I noticed straight away when I got filled with the Holy Spirit was I Went through a real strong surge of repentance, I remember this this lady coming to our church and she was from YWAM and You know, it's still pretty good today I think in those days it was even more on fire.

Even still and and she was Saying that one of the things God showed her about repentance was literally make a list of stuff anything God brings to your mind that is In your life that you need you know, you need to get rid of you know, that's not right.

And she said she prayed through this list. It was simple as this praying through this list Confessing and forsaking it's not enough to just confess it, but you've also got to forsake it in other words turn around and go the opposite way don't go back to it ever again and She explained this at church one day in the Baptist Church, you know, I went home I think that night and did exactly that Asked God to to show me all the things that I needed to Get rid of out of my life and I did it and that was revolutionary that I noticed straight away the effect on my prayers like instead of Right.

From when I was 17 I almost never had the experience of just praying prayers and feeling like they bounced off the ceiling. It was kind of like Because of the deep repentance and because I got filled with the Holy Spirit.

It was sort of like immediately. I had a strong communication with God and very often like, you know, pretty much every day I was experiencing the feeling of actually being in the throne room of God and God was just showing me his holiness and His glory and it was almost like I could see it not with my physical eyes, but I could perceive the glory and the holiness of God and as I got closer and closer and Kept walking in a pure heart before God the more and more that communion was Became permanent became a permanent fixture in my life.

So I never had these spells of falling away. I never I never had spells of falling away. I never had I never had doubts that God was real. I'd never went never ever. And really ever backslid in that sense at all from that from that moment onwards.

Holiness, the Fear of the Lord, and the Christian Life

The other thing I noticed which is very similar to Charles Finney's experience that I read about soon after that Finney said He said by every effort I could make it did not seem like I was sinning in other words My he said I felt as though I was justified by faith and I was walking in it.

And I was walking in a state in which I did not sin. And Finney actually said that after his conversion and I had exactly the same experience as that. Where it was no effort to keep my heart pure before God and you know still there'd be stumbling around going on because we're attached to this a body that you know a fallen body, but I hated sin.

I totally hated it. I hated it from. With a passion I hated sin and I feared the Lord because I'd seen his glory and I've seen his holiness. I knew he was a holy God not to be trifled with in any way.

I never had this kind of rosy conversion experience where I felt like I'd walk up to Jesus and have a little cuddle with him and Sit on his lap and white stuff to me. God was a holy God and I approached him with all.

Approached him as a father, but I approached him with all. I approached him like you would approach a father who who if he wanted to could could point at you and you'd die and you know when you when you have a when you have a revelation of the holiness and the glory of God, I mean in the The personality of God is like this He has 24 elders in the throne room who day and night cast their crowns before him and cry out, holy, holy, holy Lord God Almighty and And then they pick those crowns up and they cast them on the ground they see another aspect of God's holiness.

They cast them on the ground and they say holy, holy, holy Lord God Almighty and that was the God I knew. That was the God that that was instilled in me. And so I feared the Lord and I hated sin and When you're in that state when you have those to me.

Those are the foundations of the Christian life if you do not have those two things. You have nothing. You cannot walk as a Christian in my opinion and everything I've read In scripture and everything I read about revival after that confirmed that opinion.

Is that if you do not have the fear of the Lord if you do not perceive him in his holiness, and if you do not Hate sin, you cannot walk in Christianity. It doesn't work. You walk a continuous life of just stumbling around and trying hard and that's not Christianity.

That is not Christianity. That is a that is a vague approximation of Christianity that's that's the cheap version that we sell everywhere today, but it's not it and I Didn't find that it was an effort to walk in that because I Would be around people that were continuously striving against sin by that.

I mean they had sin in their life. They're always getting in problems and trouble about it. They would halfway repent of it And go back to it and they were stuck in this vicious cycle. I'd find myself around these people and I literally could not for the life of me understand it.

Because to me it was literally effortless. Once my heart was clean to keep it clean and just walk in it. What happens, you know, what did Jesus say? He said He who looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her in his heart.

Now that's a high standard of righteousness right there. That's if you if you if you say that scripture to a lot of worldly people, they'll literally laugh at you. Saying this is an impossible level of Christianity.

Jesus said unless your level of righteousness exceeds that of the Scribes and Pharisees. You know you have no place in me, isn't that what he said? He said the Scribes and Pharisees are all about getting the outside of the cup clean and not about getting the inside clean.

That was their righteousness their righteousness was all about how they kept clear of sin outwardly. But inside it was all corruption and dead man's bones and all the rest of it. That's what Jesus was saying to them.

How do you walk before God in true holiness? That's acceptable to him. You have to walk in complete holiness of heart. In other words you walk clean before God in here. Your conscience is clean and it's just your normal state.

I've been in places preaching that where Rooms full of people have looked shocked at me as though I'm saying something. That's beyond Beyond believability that that that's the normal Christian life. Well, I'm just telling you that is that's it.

If you're walking in a state where you behold sin in your heart, I want to tell you you're not walking in the Christianity of the Bible. If you're walking in a state before God Where your conscience is not clean.

That's not Christianity. Christianity is getting yourself clean and staying clean by the blood of the Lamb. That's it. Walking in it what is walking in faith? What does it say? It says therefore being justified by faith.

We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ therefore being Justified by faith. What is walking in faith? It's walking in that state. I was just telling you about and When God gave it to me, I didn't understand it until I read a book by what you mean a called the normal Christian life.

I suddenly clicked that that's what I was walking in. As I suddenly as I was reading that book. I suddenly thought yes, of course, this is Romans 6 7 and 8 I totally understand this. This is what I've been experiencing since I got filled with the Holy Spirit.

And I just I just walk in it and it doesn't Cost me nothing doesn't. Take any striving and we know when when the opportunity comes no man. No man knows. If someone's lusting. No one else can tell you know, usually and when the chance comes, what do you do?

You avert your eyes because you fear the Lord and you hate sin and you're walking with a clean conscience before God. And so you you automatically avert your eyes when the chance comes to. Take a $5 note that's sitting on the counter somewhere and nobody's ever gonna know about it.

Do you take the $5 note? No, not because you're some great person, but simply because you know, not because you're. Not because you're imposing some honesty on yourself, but just simply because you hate sin.

You don't want to do the things even in the secret place. Even when the opportunity is there you do not sin. You do not want to sin you avoid it like the plague because why you have a heart communion with God.

That is so precious to you nothing, nothing is Acceptable to interrupt that communion when you start walking in this and as time goes on and on as you're walking in it either communion with God gets stronger and stronger as You get rid of stuff out of your life.

Like it's not like there's not still stuff in your life. There is this there's things that God brings up to you. You go. Oh my goodness. I never saw that it before. I am so proud in that area I have such pride in that area and because you hate sin you get rid of it instantly you go God.

I repent of that. Bang, it's gone because I cannot stand to walk before God with anything in the way. You know what I'm saying? I cannot stand it. If God shows me one thing that is that is wrong. Inside of me.

I'll instantly repent. I'll instantly renounce it. I cannot stand to go for a minute or an hour in that state. I've got to get rid of it and that's just the normal Christian life. This is just pure Christianity.

We're talking about the most basic of the basic. Do you know what the shocking thing is? We don't tell anybody to walk in this. I I've never ever heard it taught to anybody. I had to find it out by myself by reading an old book by a Chinese guy who was in prison when he when he Actually, he spoke it and it was written down.

Watch money was in prison for about 20 years. No wonder the devil wanted to lock that guy up. No wonder. So it's a famous book normal Christian life. Anybody can get it's on amazon .com as untold copies there for all kinds of prices secondhand blah blah blah.

I checked it out the other day. So I was walking in the state. The other thing that I noticed in revival books is this. What is agonizing prayer? This is the thing I was reading about with Charles Finney all the time.

Agonizing Prayer and Spiritual Authority

What is agonizing prayer? I decided that after having read all these revivals where they were doing this agonizing prayer that I would try it. So I Literally got before God at the time I was working in a in a little store.

I was the manager and the sole person in there. I was running this little shop when I was 18 years old and I'd read enough about revival to know the ins and outs of what it was about. I Noticed that all the great revivalists would talk about this wrestling and agonizing and travailing.

Excuse me in prayer. So I would shut the shop door, which I was allowed to do, you know at lunchtimes to have a break and I'd kind of fast every day until lunchtime and I wouldn't I wouldn't eat anything until I'd prayed and I would get down.

But was behind the counter literally and just pour my heart out to God every day in this agonizing prayer. And I found that as I was walking in this close communion with God. My prayers were when I got into that mode of agonizing praying Was like the most powerful and effective prayer I'd ever done and I would be praying to God every day, which I still do.

God fill me more and more with your Holy Spirit and Make me an anointed revivalist like Charles Finney make me anointed like Evan Roberts from the Welsh revival. This is all the stuff. I've been praying over my own life since I was 17 years old my Whole desire became that I must see revival.

I must be a carrier of revival. I must have that anointing that when I when I speak it powerfully impacts people and so so that kind of prayer. If you combine the things that I've just mentioned to you so far.

That kind of praying alongside just the experience of conversion that I've had and you just carry that through for a number of years. The power and the communion with God that comes into your life through all of that is so strong that You're not at the mercy of any single person.

Spiritually if anybody comes at you with a doctrine or with a with a teaching that's new or with with stuff. The revelation that's upon your life is so strong. You're not swayed by anything. If sin comes against you if the devil attacks you with all kinds of stuff.

Your place in God and your walk with God is strong enough to withstand every single attack of the enemy. I know that by experience. I've been walking in it now for 20 years and and The other thing that God showed me was to speak in tongues all the time.

I started to realize after reading a few books that summer some of the gods real heroes in the earth were people that when they're walking around or just During their daily life. They'd be praying in tongues a lot maybe for hours every day and You know, you don't have to Show it you don't have to speak out loud, you know, if I'm driving down the highway I can't try and hide it from people that I'm speaking in tongues all the time, but that's what I'm doing Almost all the time and I'm driving Quite a lot when I'm on the computer reading emails or whatever.

I'm praying in tongues all the time why do you do that because it says building up your most holy faith praying in the Holy Ghost and It does build up your faith and all these things the reason I'm sharing them is because I'm trying to impart to you the most practical things that I've come across that are like Power houses in your life and can become permanent power houses that never stop.

And they won't stop until the day you die and you can walk in these things and do them all the time and see dramatic Results dramatic results. They're very practical things. Okay. What else did God do to me?

The Wilderness, Legalism, and Spiritual Crushing

Well, I I prayed one of those classic prayers which goes like this God I give you open rights to do anything. I surrender everything to you and You can do with me as you like. I'd pray that to God repeatedly and God will always take you at your word when you do that and He decided and it was a good decision.

But from my point of view very very horrible decision at the time. That I was going to go through a seven-year wilderness period completely outside the church. We got involved with a very legalistic church.

It was Pentecostal. It was strong on tongues. It was strong on baptism very weak in repentance. I Would go up to the pastors of this church when I was there and I'd say you guys are not getting Repentance happening in this church at all.

This is why all these problems are going on. This is why people are falling away after three weeks, you know, you cannot be just baptizing people getting them with a tiny Little experience of the Holy Spirit and sending them out the doors.

It's it's not working. They're not getting rid of their sins. They're not conquering sin. They're not there, you know. The more I spoke about that to these pastors and of course, I was very unwise in the way I did it.

I would just go up there open my mouth and blast them for half an hour and I thought why are these guys not accepting me? Can't they see. I can't they see. I know it all, you know. Man, I'm 18 years old, you know goodness sake.

So I would go and blast people not just not just them. I tend to blast everybody that moved actually I Was very prophetic. I had a strong prophetic personality and and Within at least five minutes everybody around me knew it, you know.

Everybody in a room everybody in a room knew the kind of person I was was super intense. Very serious. I was in touch with the holiness of God, but I hadn't learned in any way the love of God or Outworking my Christianity in such a way that I could relate to the body.

I was just a complete Loose cannon, you know, and I didn't care what pastors thought. I mean, you know I just had I didn't couldn't care less if I if I really believe something strongly I just go and absolutely tell him I didn't care if they're the most famous preacher in the world.

So that's what I was like, you guys are lucky. You didn't know me back then. I Got a friend who was just like that in his early days. And he's he says praise God that we didn't come across each other in those days.

Because he was going imagine what imagine how bad we would have been together, you know. When I went to university I used to walk around and now you think now you think my jandals are bad. Those things that you saw in Minnesota jandals, right?

I used to walk around and leave the sandals because I somehow thought it was more prophetic, you know. At least I didn't carry a staff. But I definitely had the sandals. So, yeah, I mean I was just just radically prophetic in that's in that way.

But God could see how self-righteous I was. I mean, yes, I was walking in holiness of heart. But I was also walking a tremendous self-righteousness. I I just was full of pride. I didn't care who I hurt.

I didn't care who I damaged. I didn't care how I spoke. I would just I just used the Word of God as a sword a slashing sword all the time that was my permanent mode and Was really using it like an axe not as a piercing.

Not as a piercing scalpel to people. I was using it like an axe and just slamming people with it all day. That's what I did. So God decided that I needed a wilderness time and I needed some crushing in my life, you know what crushing does.

It's like it's like when you have one of those Fragrances that is That needs to be crushed in order for the fragrance to come out. It was like God had to stick me in this crushing mill where that hardness of heart that self-righteousness and pride was just Had to had to go.

There's some things in your life. I believe you cannot get by laying on of hands or by a sudden experience of God. I'd had those experiences of God and they had not done the trick. I needed to be crushed.

I needed to go through a lengthy period of time where I was just in spiritual agony and You know we We got we know we didn't get booted out we actually left the church that we'd been part of to start our own little group and When you're in a very legalistic church, this church was so legalistic.

They tried to stop me and Jackie from getting married. We were engaged. Jackie went back up north to Fongaray, which was a couple of hundred miles away. They said to me we are not going to allow you to go up there.

You've got to stay in Auckland and they virtually were trying to split us apart. That's how legalistic and controlling they were in fact a number of years later a poem of their pastors if I remember rightly Came to me and said Andrew.

I just want to really apologize to you For doing that because I know that that was wrong terribly wrong. He'd come by that stage come out of that denomination and so praise God we still still ended up getting married anyway, but That was a very trying time.

When we got married, we were still in this church. It was still as controlling and legalistic as ever and We decided to leave what I what I did the reason I stayed so long in there was because I knew if I left They would grab hold of Jackie and keep her and I would not be able to get her back.

It was cultish the way it was run it was very very cultish and yet it was spirit-filled and it was baptizing people every day. It had a little little mill going baptizing people getting them speaking in tongues.

You know getting them going to church. Maybe not lasting too long. That was a little mill. They had running and it was no good and Being with them made me more legalistic and proud than ever and so it was a good thing that you know as soon as I got married.

Virtually God was just showing me you've got to get out of here. You've got to get out of here and we just resigned virtually straight away because I knew I had Jackie's safe. So we got out of there. Jackie hadn't been a Christian very long only only a year or a year or two and And it was really it was a pretty bad situation.

So we got out of there and and Started our own group and lo and behold we started repeating all the same patterns that were in the church that we just left because Religion was inside of me legalism was inside of me self-righteous self-righteousness.

So we appointed our own little elders and In fact, most of us were elders. We had so we had like no church and all elders that's what I was like and You know, you know those little scenarios that you Maybe you guys don't know but this is this is us playing church and we did everything right man.

We had everything, right? I'm telling you we we ran our church meetings out of first Corinthians 1426 I'm telling you man. Nobody did it better than us boy. If it said two or three tongues and interpretations we did two or three tongues and interpretations I'm telling you.

Nobody ran a meeting better than we did boy. And all of that and for some reason God wasn't blessing it at all. In fact, we'd had more blessing in the previous church. We're in I Just could not work it out.

I just sat around thinking man. Why is everything so unanointed? Why is nothing working? Where's where's all the flocks of people? I mean we are the perfect church, you know. That was like yeah, seriously.

No, we weren't far off from thinking that stuff we were like we were as elitist as we had been we were as proud as you can get and We we saw the whole church is lukewarm apart from us. We've got it and God didn't share our opinion.

It was such a shock to me. I couldn't understand it for the life of me so. What happened was that little fellowship started to kind of dissolve and break up because it was so clear that God's blessing wasn't on it and.

And our best friends and stuff had come out with us. They'd left the church with us. There's a little group of us and about five five of us, you know and our families kind of thing and You know, I was only 20 I was only 20 years old and So God started to challenge everything that I believed was right and proper with regard to doing church and even the gospel that I preached and everything I thought about Christianity and he started to just you know heck away at everything I thought I knew and I just started going into a crisis into a spiritual crisis and it got to the point.

This crushing went on and on and on. I stayed right away from other churches because we didn't want to go near them. They weren't right and and our thing wasn't working. And so it ended up just being you know Me and Jackie by ourselves kind of out in the wilderness not knowing what to do not going anywhere.

Not not feeling like fellowshipping. I didn't ever feel like witnessing. I got to the point where I was so low. Where the pride was being so crushed out of me. I became the opposite of what I had been.

I I'd go into a room and I would just I would just hide away From people. I wouldn't even open my mouth. I would never witness to anyone I hadn't I had such low confidence in anything I said. That's what God had to do to me to get religious pride out of me he just crushed the hell out of me for seven years and At the end of that seven years God gave me a revelation now remember all this time.

I had never stopped praying. I was still doing agonizing prayer. I was spending a lot of time every day with God. Still reading the Bible still reading revival books still praying to God for revival all that stuff my communion with God Was as strong as ever, but it was clear to me.

God wasn't letting me get anywhere near the church again until he sorted my heart out. Because I was dangerous around the church. I did not treat it as God's beloved. I treated it as God's Hated and despised thing which I needed to correct.

That's what it was like. So you can imagine the crushing that went on. I was a Pharisee of the Pharisees. I really was I was a Pharisee of the Pharisees and. And All of it after that seven years. Almost all of it was gone.

Almost all of that was gone and. And yet I was still extremely crushed. 1993 rolled around and God revealed to me actually a friend of ours. Came and lived with us for a short time and just around that time it was some powerful stuff started happening just in our household.

Not really through this guy, but just we're doing a lot of prayer together and stuff next thing. You know God really showed up in my life. One day and just see just basically spoke a very simple word to me.

He basically said stand. Stand on the rock that I put inside of you stand in that place. That rock that is always there that peace of God that is always there. He said that's me. Stand in that place of authority and command those things out of your life that you know are not of me every one of them one by one and When he revealed that to me he showed it to me as like being.

You know how Joshua was basically given a sword by God in a sense, you know, not. Not physically given a sword, but he was basically God was saying Joshua take the land. I give you the the authority. Take the land.

I'm not gonna do it for you. You have to march over the Jordan you have to go circle the the city of Jericho. You have to go attack AI and those other cities. You're gonna do it. I'm giving you the authority to go and do it and on that day.

That's what I felt like God was doing in my life. You're saying There's untold dark strongholds in your life from the past. All kinds of things which you know, you can't deal with you've tried repenting of them.

It doesn't seem to go deep enough to destroy the strongholds. They're still there. This is the key I'm giving it to you now stand in that place of authority which we all have and Command those things out of you in the name of Jesus.

And so I spend the next three days Going through my life with a fine-tooth comb just praying to God and saying God shine your light inside of me. I don't want any of these things left by the end by the time this is done and he just shined his light and I would Specifically renounce these things now renouncing to me is not what you hear in a lot of churches today, which is you know like a little Verbal thing it's sort of like Oh Jesus.

I renounce I renounce pornography in Jesus name. Amen you know. To me. I don't know about you. I just find that dramatically ineffective and often doesn't work. God was showing me that if you really detest these things with all of your being if you're not going to hang on to These things with any part of you Andrew then renounce them with all your being don't just renounce them with your mouth because plenty of people say That they are turning from things and they go straight back to it.

If you really hate this with all your being renounce it with all your being. Renounce it from the depths of you in the name of Jesus Christ. You're expelling the most ugly and hated thing out of you. That's the way you've got to renounce it.

I went through every single thing like that. So there was like pride you know to me pride was like Still hanging on from the past religion legalism every Every link that I still had to my old denomination or any other, you know.

My upbringing and the Baptists and the Assembly of God I renounced all of that. Renounced anything that had come down to me for you know, I just went through every possible thing. Everything all of the bad junk that happened when I was a young kid being brought up all that stuff, you know, I Was so transformed and even just the first day of doing that because all the major things I felt that Suddenly they were all gone.

I don't know if you if you know what what it's like to be clean from the inside out I don't mean just clean from Sin. I'm talking about even the strongholds that spring up into sin, you know what I'm saying?

It's like the devil can't even tempt you anymore. Because the things he used to use inside you to tempt you with are all gone. The strongholds which I it's like a castle. You know, so you have a castle Inside of you that's that's called pride.

Well, God had given me a sledgehammer to smash that thing down and and when the devil would tempt me with pride. There was nothing inside of me to agree with him. There was no stronghold of pride inside of me.

And when it when I'd see it sprouting little little roots and starting to grow up again I'd instantly recognize it and I'd say I renounce pride in Jesus name and ever since then of it. You know all of those things that used to be a plague to me that used to devil used to Make my life hell.

My inner mind was always in turmoil being tempted or Whatever over something all of it was gone. My mind was so clear there was no temptations getting in and and and churning around in there because the devil had nothing inside of me to work with and if I could discover anything I'd instantly renounce it.

This was the most apart from getting filled with the Holy Spirit. This was the most powerful transformation that ever happened in my life that ever happened. Now the reason I'm telling you this stuff is not for any other reason but with the hopes that some of you or hope.

You know if it was a wonderful day. All of you would go away and just literally put this stuff into practice because if you do it will transform your life. If you do it will transform your life. What did Jesus say about his own?

State he just said the devil has nothing in me. What happens when the devil has nothing in you is this all of his temptations have to come from outside. All of his temptations have to come from outside.

You it's like you can feel the attack from outside. But there's nothing in here agreeing with him. You know guys know what I'm saying? You just you can nod your head occasionally, you know I know this stuff is not commonly spoken of but I just I'm trying to take you to places.

Which if you can even partially go in these areas the victory in your life will be Astounding the victory in my life just through these basic things. I've told you about today. Has been so great the jumps from living here living at a Christianity here and just jumping in like in one or two days.

Knowing it you feel it you you sense it every time you pray that you're in a new place with God. You know, it's kind of like you've gone a 200 meters closer to the throne room in one day, you know what I'm closer to the throne in one day.

You feel you sense it immediately the impact on your prayers is where you feel it straight away. It's kind of like Wow the communion with God at this time. Things would happen to me like I would spend just three hours just silent at night weeping before God.