Episode 642: TLP 642: Useful Family Relationships, Part 4 | the application

Now some of you may be wondering how I constructed this list. I've been jumping back and forth in the letter. Why didn't I just work through it from beginning to end? Here's why. Parenting isn't about us.

In fact parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the truth love parent podcast where we train dads and moms to give God the preeminence in their parenting.

Welcome back to our final session in this four-part series on useful family relationships. If you're just joining us, please gather your family print out the life work and start on episode 639 and if you've been working through Philemon with us, I hope your family is also with you.

They all have their life work and you're ready to work through the final 10 growth opportunities in Total with last week's session. There are 20 different practical requirements to be a useful family member.

I hope these 20 items daunting though. They may be will be constantly revisited and applied and practiced in your home. You can post the list where everyone can see it. You can discuss one over dinner every evening.

You can revisit the list when people in the family aren't being useful to God and others. Identifying in which character trait they need to grow. There are so many ways we can use and pursue the items on this list and I hope if nothing else your family finishes this Study with an understanding that everyone in your family still needs to grow.

I need to mature. My wife needs to keep growing in the image of Jesus. My children need to deepen their relationship with the Lord. This is a whole family endeavor and we absolutely must be purposely becoming more like Christ Part of that process because we all know that merely listening to Ford podcast episodes isn't going to change anyone.

Part of the process can include the various resources we attach to each episode whether it's the free life work Transcript or the related resources we present them all to you as tools you can use to grow in your spiritual maturity.

Be sure to check out the description of today's episode for links to all of those resources. And now let's begin. As I mentioned the letter to Philemon is not a how-to guide. It's a personal letter with that practically exhibits how Christians talk and act when they truly believe God's Word.

We're picking out the various truths Paul communicated and identifying if we are living in the light as Paul illustrates for us in this letter. In addition, please remember that today's list of practical applications is a continuation of last week's list.

That's why we're starting with number 11. Also one more thing don't forget that since this is a list episode We're going to be dealing with each of these points very superficially with the hopes that as you identify your struggles you'll continue the study on your own or as a family and We also talked about how the best application for you is going to be precise and specific and unique to you in your situation.

Therefore each of the applications I'm going to share with you are too broad. They're true. They absolutely need to be pursued. You mustn't ignore them because they're not as precise as they need to be for you.

Because it's up to you and your disciples to create a more precise application of this truth. But before we get any deeper into that if you have enjoyed this episode if your family better Understands how they need to change in order to be more useful to God and the family.

Please consider becoming a monthly donor. We desperately need your assistance if we're going to be able to continue creating these free resources. You can visit truthloveparent .com forward slash donate to sign up.

It might be only $10 or $100 a month, but every little bit helps. Please please please visit truthloveparent .com forward slash donate and sign up today. And now let's get started on our very important non-negotiable life work number 11.

According to verse 11. What must our relationships be? We aren't going to read this verse because we've already discussed it in great detail. In fact, this is the portion of the letter from which we got the name for our series.

If you remember Onesimus' name literally meant useful. Understanding this helps us appreciate the wordplay Paul used in verses 10 and 11 where Paul describes Onesimus as being formally useless to you.

But now is useful both to you and to me. That is the kind of relationship God desires his people to have useful ones. Last weeks in today's list of relationship characteristics makes for the most useful and glorious relationships on the planet.

This is what it's all about. We want to stop being useless to people and God. We want to love God and others and be pursuing the Father's plan for our lives. What is that plan for you? Well, I'll tell you this the most important parts of that plan are discussed in the pages of Scripture.

That's where you're going to find God's plan for your life. But before we move on I want you to know that if you hear any strange noises in the background. There's a lot of construction going on across the street in addition to that.

We also have a very helpful resource linked for you in the description in regard to this particular point. It's a series called God's will for your child. And not only does it unpack a number of important non-negotiable truths for all God's people.

But there's also a resource for helping your child identify a Christ honoring occupation. As well as an episode all about how to make any and all decisions to the glory of God. So I hope you'll check that out.

Reconciliation and the Willingness to Sacrifice

Number 12 according to verses 18 through 19 for what should we be willing to sacrifice in Verses 18 and 19 Paul promises to repay anything that Onesimus may owe Philemon since we're assuming that Onesimus may have stolen from Philemon when he originally ran away and Since Onesimus likely spent all of what he stole and as a slave he wouldn't have been able to make much money.

While traveling to and living in Rome Paul was willing to cover his debt. Paul was ready to do whatever it took to remove any distractions so that Philemon and Onesimus could focus on the most important thing reconciliation.

Reconciliation is the process by which we address the wrongs. Ask for forgiveness. Grant that forgiveness and return to a Christ honoring relationship where we're both loving God and each other. So what are you willing to sacrifice that others be reconciled to God to others and to you?

Are you prepared to help your family members in this process, or are you more interested in your own comfort? Who in your family needs to be reconciled to someone else and what are you prepared to do to assist that process?

Stronger Relationships After Conflict

Number 13. The previous point is why Paul could say in verses 15 and 16 that our relationships should grow stronger when we experience conflict and difficulty. Like a broken bone once reset will heal stronger than it was before it was broken.

So a Christ honoring relationship should be stronger once reconciled than it was before the sin that caused the initial break. Is your relationship with your dad weaker than it used to be? Has your relationship with your sibling or spouse deteriorated over time?

Which of your family relationships needs to be stronger and closer and better? What should you do to help that relationship be pleasing to the Lord? In order to do this you should look at our biblical conflict resolution material.

Respecting Others and Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

Number 14 according to verse 14 our relationships should have mutual what? Verse 14 says. But without your consent I did not want to do anything so that your goodness would not be in effect by compulsion, but voluntary.

Once again, the word for which we're searching is not going to be found in the text at least not directly. So we have to engage our minds to understand what's really happening here. Paul could have simply told Philemon what to do and had Philemon been any more spiritually immature Paul probably would have to.

But Paul knew that Philemon though. He wasn't perfect was mature enough to want to please the Lord and heed Paul's advice. As I look at this I see that Paul was willing to respect Philemon. Do you start by giving God's people the benefit of the doubt that they'll submit to truth when confronted by it?

Hoping all things and believing all things is loving and loving people is the best way to respect them. Of course. The person may prove by their actions that they aren't mature enough to pursue obedience and we will likely have to change our tactics but we should try to Start respecting our saved family members enough to give them the benefit of the doubt that they will do the right thing when confronted by scripture.

Refreshing and Comforting Family Relationships

Number 15 according to verse 7 our relationship should provide what? We read verse 7 a couple sessions ago. It reads for I've come to have much joy and comfort in your love because the hearts of the Saints have been refreshed through you brother.

We should truly enjoy the useful relationships We have with God's people and we shouldn't be a joy to God's people. Are you a joy to your family or do your family members brace for impact when you enter the room?

What do you need to be to start being a refreshing joyful influence influence in your family? I'm sure if you ask the people in your family, they may have some biblical suggestions for what you can do number 16 also according to verse 7.

What else should our relationships provide? Paul had joy and comfort is Your biblical love for others a comfort not because you let people get away with sin. But because people can trust that you will always point them back to the most important reality in this world their relationship with God.

Are you a trustworthy mature comfort in your home? What can you do to be more comforting to your parents spouse children or siblings? Just remember true comfort is not just making people feel good in their sin.

True comfort comes from loving others as God loves you. Number 17 in verses 7 and 20. How does Paul describe a useful relationship? The Greek word translated refreshed and refresh refers to a ceasing from labor to recover one's strength a Necessary rest that rejuvenates.

It's like a break or a vacation. Can those who know us best say that we refresh their hearts in Christ. Are you a refreshment in your family? If not, how can you start changing that? Number 18. According to verse 15.

These earthly relationships are also what? Forever is a long time though. We may be separated from each other for a time. These truly useful relationships are designed to be eternal. Praise God that the relationships we're building with God's people here on earth are designed to last forever.

We don't have to say goodbye permanently ever. Are you building a foundation that will need to be unmade in order for it to last and eternally or will the useful? Relationships you have with God's people beautifully transition to their eternal state.

We need to be building the useful relationship that will seamlessly transition into glory. Number 19. According to verse 20 our relationships should what each other? Verse 20 says yes, brother. Let me benefit from you in the Lord.

All useful relationships will always benefit everyone in it. But we must always remember that a truly beneficial relationship will always be defined by God. We're never benefiting anyone by sinning against them.

We also don't benefit anyone by encouraging them in their sin. No matter how much they may like it a truly beneficial relationship will result in the other person being more like God. What needs to change in your life to be a more beneficial influence in your family?

And finally number 20 in order to have truly useful relationships. You must be a prisoner, worker, soldier, and child of God. And then you must take full advantage of all the resources God provides. Only then can you experience what it's like to have a genuinely useful relationship to the glory of God and Here we've come full circle.

On our first session we saw how God wants his children to be identified. And then we worked through a list of the resources God provides so that we can be the people he wants us to be. Then we work through these 20 points to better understand how we're to live and it's here and now that we see that living a useful Life will result in strengthening our identity in Christ.

We can only truly be a good prisoner, worker, soldier, and child of God when we fully submit to him. Now some of you may be wondering how I constructed this list. I've been jumping back and forth in the letter in different verses.

Why didn't I just work through from beginning to end? This list moves from the most basic and necessary facets of usefulness and Grows into the characteristics of the more mature useful relationships.

It all starts with salvation in Christ. That's the most fundamental necessity of a useful relationship. But that's not the end from there. We need to live like a biblical family united in God. Love was the next requirement and then we saw the importance of speaking truth.

These are all very fundamental necessities for usefulness. From there we started to get into character traits that require more maturity. We must be humble in order to accept truth spoken in love. We need to be strong in order for obedience to be our passion.

Immature people also don't serve each other and immature people don't pursue consistent goodness. Then our ninth character trait shifted from what might appear to be more mere external behaviors to the inward motivations.

We saw the importance of being genuinely willing to do right to really want it and the tenth trait was being biblically accepting. Mature enough to appreciate Christ honoring differences and genuinely enjoy spending time with each other.

And then we talked about true usefulness, being willing to sacrifice, growing ever stronger, and respect. And it's at these higher phases of biblical usefulness that we start to be a joy. Comfort and refreshment able to truly appreciate the eternality of these relationships and ultimately Genuinely being a biblical valuable useful benefit in your family.

This list wasn't random. It set identifiable stepping stones. If you aren't beneficial to your family, it's because you aren't valuable refreshing a comfort and joyous to your family. If you aren't those things, it's because you're not respectful, strong, sacrificial, and useful.

If you're not those things, it's because you're not accepting and willing to do right. And if you're not willing to do right, you're probably not good, serving, and humble. And if you're not that, then you're not speaking truth and love as a true family member should.

And that's probably because you're not really born again into new life in Christ. Of course, this isn't the only right order that would be ridiculous to claim and truthfully many of these things happen simultaneously as we mature.

But I hope you see how it was carefully built to provide a roadmap for growing in usefulness. I also hope you see how cyclical it is. True speaking truth and love is obedience that requires humility and will be refreshing.

Serving people is a biblical family trait that grows from an understanding of our eternal relationship. Each of these character traits needs to impact and influence the others. So, how about you? Of the previous 20 points, which five describe your best family relationships?

I hope as you answer this question, you do so biblically. You might say you're loving, but you only say that because of how you feel toward someone. But biblical love isn't merely a feeling. Biblical love is defined by God as truly wanting and working toward God's best interest in the person's life.

If you don't know God's plan and aren't working toward it, then that relationship isn't really loving. So please be careful as you identify the five character traits that you believe are alive and well in your relationships.

But also remember that just because these might be visible in your life. It doesn't mean you don't need to continue maturing them. One last note about these five things. If the five things that you write down have other things ahead of them in the list.

You know, the lower numbers that aren't true of you. It's very likely the things later in the list, the things that you think might be true of you. Probably aren't because again, the things later in the list.

Oftentimes require the things earlier in the list to be happening first or at least at the same time. And then the second application question asks, of the previous 20 points, which five do not typically characterize your relationships?

Again, be honest about this. We all need to grow in all of these points. But the top five that come to your mind are probably where you need to start. By the way, you should be humble enough to invite your family to help you identify your five best and worst characteristics.

They can see the blind spots that you can't. Of course, those two application questions are only the start. From there You need to get more and more specific as you figure out precisely how you need to grow and change in the unique family relationships you have.

Let me end with one example. Let's say that I need to be more patient. That is true. But with whom do I struggle the most being patient? So I identify that I need to be more patient with let's just say my daughter.

Now I've narrowed the application to the relationship with which I need to grow the most in my patience. From there, I should identify the times I'm most tempted to not be patient with her. How about this?

I need to be more patient with my daughter when she forgets to take out the recycling. That's a good start. But what does it mean to be biblically patient? What does being patient look like in the moment when I told her to take out the recycling hours ago?

And it's still not done and she's sitting on the couch. What are indicators that I'm not being patient? You see how as I continue to make this application and ask these questions and dig down deeper and make it unique to me and The situation as possible that it becomes much more detailed.

That's what we all need to do with each of these 20 elements of useful relationships. I pray this series has set your family on the road to usefulness. From here I hope you'll come back week to week for more biblical family content.

But I also want to give you a gift Since you made it to the end of this short study. You can use the link in the description of this episode to get a 50 discount on our Family United in God devotional.

And you can as always find many links to plenty of other resources that will help you dive deeper into your our list. Also, please share this series with a family that wants to be more useful to God and others and reach out by email at Counselor at truthloveparent .com or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894.

If our biblical counselors can serve your family. And don't forget that your donations will make it possible for us to continue creating this free content as we minister to families all over The world and I look forward to meeting with you next week to broaden our understanding of humility.

I'll see you then Truth love parent is part of the ever mind ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship God through your parenting. So join us next time as we study God's Word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness and Remember that TLP is a listener supported ministry.

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