Building a Godly Home (Tamil) — Zac Poonen

The Home as a Qualification for Church Leadership

The important thing was Israel itself as a witness for Christ. But when you come to the New Testament, there's a lot of emphasis on the home. In fact, it says there that if a man cannot take care of his own home, he should not be allowed to be an elder in a church.

You don't find it like that in the Old Testament. See, 1 Timothy chapter 3, one of the qualifications for an elder, he must be able to, verse 4, manage his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity.

And the reason given is this, if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God? That means if he cannot control 3 -4 children at home, how will he control 100 people in the church?

If a man cannot control and discipline his children when they are living in this home, he is not fit to be an elder. But in the Old Testament we read that we don't know much about Moses' home life. We know that he and his wife had a fight over the circumcision of their child in Exodus chapter 4.

So Moses was not really the head of his home to say, my child must be circumcised. Only when you read in Exodus, God almost killed him, then his wife said, okay, we'll circumcise the child. But that didn't disqualify him from being a leader.

And it didn't matter how people lived in their home. Many of them had many wives, even David, the man after God's own heart, had many wives. But when it comes to the New Testament, the home is very important.

Building the Church by Building a Godly Home

So we can say the church is built on top of the home. You may say, what can I do for the building of the local church? It's not just preaching that builds the local church. The local church is built by your building your home in a godly way.

If you want to build a local church, the best thing for you to do is to build your home in a good way. You may never stand on the pulpit and preach, but you build your home in a godly way. That is the greatest contribution you can make for building the church.

You bring up your children in a godly way. That is the greatest thing you can do to build the local church. See, only less than 1 of God's people are called to remain single. Not even 1 nowadays, maybe 1 in a thousand.

So 99 and more of God's people are married people. And all 99 of them can build a church by building their home. And by building the home means making an atmosphere in the home which is heavenly and Christ-like.

Where Jesus Christ is Lord of the home. It's not a question of reading the Bible and praying every day. There are a lot of homes where they read the Bible and pray every day. But Jesus Christ is not Lord in their home.

The husband and wife are fighting. Children grow up in worldly ways. But they read the Bible and pray. See, reading the Bible and praying is good. But I don't make a law about that. Because if we make a law about that, a lot of people get into condemnation.

Saying, oh I didn't read the Bible and pray with my family today. The Bible doesn't say we have to do that. What the Bible says is we must teach our children the instruction of the Lord. How you do it is up to you.

Whether you do it twice a day or once a week is up to you. But we must teach our children the instruction of the Lord. And we must discipline them to walk in the ways of the Lord. And for that, the first step is to make sure the husband and wife are one.

The Influence of One Godly Spouse

Now you know, if both husband and wife are spiritual, then it's very easy. So I don't want to talk about an ideal marriage where both husband and wife are spiritual. Because if I speak about that, most of you will say that doesn't apply in my case.

You are talking about the ideal case where some good brother married a good sister. We hope that will be true in the next generation in our churches. That our children will marry God-fearing people. But many of us, our marriages were not in that way.

Many have come to the church, they are already married. And it's possible that your wife is not spiritually minded. She may be born again, but she is not wholehearted for the Lord. Or your husband may not be wholehearted.

But what I want to say to you is this. If one person in a home is godly, can bring a tremendous influence on the whole home, you can bring a tremendous wealth to the whole family. I want to give you an example from 1 Corinthians 7.

Here is a word which says, 1 Corinthians 7, verse 13. First of all, verse 12. So here he is talking about a man whose wife is not even a believer. And a woman, verse 13, who has got an unbelieving husband, he consents to live with her, she should not send her husband away.

Because if there is one person in a home, who has surrendered their life to Christ, it says here in verse 14, the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband.

What does it mean, sanctified? It doesn't mean that unbeliever has suddenly become holy. The word here means separated. That means if one husband or wife is a believer, that influence separates that home from many worldly things.

This wealth, this influence separates them from many worldly things. One person who is godly can stop certain TV programs from being watched in that home. Even though the other person is an unbeliever.

One person can bring some influence, he may not be able to stop it completely, but to some extent. Certain bad habits like drinking and other things can also be stopped. My husband is not a believer or my wife is not a believer.

If you alone stand for the Lord, it says in the last part of that verse, even your children will not be unclean but holy. That means your children are separated from so many worldly influences, because one parent is born again and wholehearted for the Lord.

So you don't have to have a wholehearted partner. So you don't have to have a wholehearted partner. If you have one, that's excellent. But even if you don't have one, you can still bring up your children in godly ways.

Even if your husband is an unbeliever. One great example of that is Timothy. We read in 2 Timothy 1, that Timothy's mother was a woman of faith. And she put that faith, 2 Timothy 1 .5. Paul says to Timothy, I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois.

Which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Enoch. Enoch received faith from his mother Lois. In those days, his family did not have a Bible. For the last 400 or 500 years, the family has had the Bible.

Without the Bible, she imparted faith to her son. She got that faith from her mother. Now Enoch was married to a, not a Jewish person, but a Greek person. We read in Acts 16. Acts 16 .1 Timothy was the son of a Jewish woman, but his father was Greek.

Greek means he was not even a, didn't know the Old Testament, nothing. An unbeliever. Probably some businessman who was only interested in making money. And he had insisted that Timothy should not be circumcised.

Yes. And that's why Paul circumcised him in verse 3. Of course, that is not necessary for a Christian. Paul made a mistake there. What I want to say is that Timothy grew up to be 18 years old and he was not brought up as a Jewish God-fearing person by his father.

But the mother brought him up as a God-fearing Jewish person, even though his father did not allow him to be circumcised. And brought him up to become a Christian. Because she became a Christian. And by the time Timothy was 18 or 19 years old, even though he had a godless father, his mother did such a fantastic job that Paul said, I want him to be my co-worker.

You sisters, think if you have a totally unconverted husband who has no interest in God, and you have a little boy, can you bring him up for 18 years in such a way that even the Apostle Paul will be amazed at how spiritual he is and say, let him come in my team.

Without a Bible in your home. So, here we see the tremendous power a woman can have to bring up his child in a godly way. I'll give you another example. In Hebrews chapter 11, we read about Moses. And when he was born, his parents saw that he was a beautiful child.

And so they did not kill him like the king commanded. And you know the story how Pharaoh's daughter gave Moses to his mother to look after for a few years. I don't know. And after he came to a certain age, she had to take him to the palace.

I don't know how many years Moses stayed with his mother. Maybe 7 years. Maximum 10 years. Okay, let us assume that she, that mother had him for 10 years. Moses' father hardly saw him because Moses' father would go to work early morning, 6 o 'clock, he was a slave, come back at 10 o 'clock at night.

The whole day, only Moses was with his mother. Whether it was 7 years or 10 years, that mother did a fantastic job in teaching Moses God's word without a Bible. Kept on telling him, when you go to the palace, don't be influenced by all those evil things there.

Don't go after money. You are to be with God's people. You are not an Egyptian. You are an Israelite. Put it, put it, put it into his head for so many years. And then sent him to the palace when he was 7 or 10 years old.

And then for the next 30 years, he grew up in the palace. That is the most wicked place in the world to grow up. All types of idolatry, sexual sin, plenty of money, all types of evil. And everybody worshipping Pharaoh and worshipping the one whom they thought was his grandson.

But when he grew up, it says in verse 24, when he was 40 years old, he said, I will not be the son of Pharaoh's daughter. Verse 25, I will not choose the passing pleasures of sin. And verse 26, I will not choose the riches of Egypt.

Now my question is this. Sisters, if you have a husband who is hardly at home, 6 o 'clock morning till 10 o 'clock at night, he is not at home. Like Moses, like Moses' father. And you got a little boy at home.

And you have that boy only for the first 10 years. After that he will be taken away. And he will be taken to the most worldly place. With plenty of money and women and sin and all types of things. How will he be when he is 40 years old?

Will he say like Moses? I am not going to enjoy all these pleasures of sin. I will not go after money. I don't want the honor of this world. That was a fantastic woman, Moses' mother. I am giving you these examples to show how one parent, because he is wholehearted, could be father or mother, can bring up his children in Godly ways.

I am giving you these examples to show how one parent, because he is wholehearted, could be father or mother, can bring up his children in Godly ways. Many people say, my wife is not wholehearted, my husband is not a good Christian.

Marital Unity as the Foundation of the Home

The foundation for all this is, husband and wife must have a good relationship. You must value the home more than anything else. You cannot build a church if you don't build your home. And in the home, to bring up our children in a Godly way, first of all, make sure your relationship with your husband or your wife is good.

And in the home, to bring up our children in a Godly way, first of all, make sure your relationship with your husband or your wife is good. If you do something wrong, ask for forgiveness immediately. Even if your partner does not ask for forgiveness.

Maybe your husband or your wife doesn't ask for forgiveness when they do something wrong. Doesn't matter. You make sure that you as a Godly person are going to do it. And your children will see it. Maybe Timothy saw how his mother would ask forgiveness from an unconverted husband.

And as Timothy grew up, he would have seen, my mother is far more Godly than my father. He does so many things wrong, but he never asks any forgiveness. But my mother, even one small thing she does wrong, she will go and ask forgiveness from my father.

But my mother, even one small thing she does wrong, she will go and ask forgiveness from my father. See how much effect that will have on Timothy in his life. Timothy would have said, I want to be like my mother.

Faith in God's Power During Family Problems

The power of Godliness is very strong. When you complain in your home saying, oh what to do brother, my husband is not converted. How can I bring up my children in a Godly way? Or my wife is not converted.

How can I bring up my children in a Godly way? You know what you are saying? I have got the power of God. But my partner is an unbeliever. He or she has got the power of Satan. And the power of Satan is more than the power of God.

That's what you are saying. I have got the power of God. But my husband has got the power of Satan. And since that power is greater, I cannot bring up my child in a Godly way. Timothy's mother didn't say that.

She had faith, even if she is a woman. The power of God is greater than the power of Satan. So I believe that even if I am a woman and I am weak, with the power of God, I can bring up my children in a Godly way.

The most important thing you must believe in your house is one simple thing. The power of God is greater than the power of Satan. Is that difficult to believe? We are singing about it all the time in the church.

Supposing you have a rebellious son. That is the power of Satan. Are you a wholehearted child of God? That is the power of God. Now in your house is a battle. Which is greater, the power of God or the power of Satan?

And you have to stand there and prove that God's power is greater. That is what your children must see. They must see when there is a problem in the house. That you take it to God in prayer. I mean, Timothy must have seen his father doesn't bother about all that.

But his mother, as soon as there is a problem, he says, Timothy, let's pray, she would say. And like that, Timothy got faith. Yes, we can go to God in every problem. That little child, as he grows up, he sees his mother praying about everything, praying about everything.

And faith came into his heart. If you had no problems in your home, then of course there is nothing to have faith about. So thank God for problems that come in your home. Any type of problem. Sickness.

Financial difficulty. And all those problems are an opportunity to show that you've got faith. So there are many different things that are important in our home. Our husband-wife relationship. And together bringing up our children.

I'll ask my wife to say a few things and then I'll get back.

A Wife's Counsel on Prayer and Patience

From a woman's point of view, I want to share one or two things which come to my mind now. We as women, we find it difficult to manage small things. Like small things upset us easily. It's the small trials that make us fall.

So I found that we must ask God for grace to help us overcome in these small areas. I used to spend time in prayer when my work was done and at night sometimes when I wake up and ask God for specific things which I found in my life.

Some women, they neglect their home and they want to spend quiet time and spend time in prayer. So the home is a place where the home and the children suffer if we do that. But we need to spend the time in prayer.

So we must make the time in between when we get a few moments, turn our minds and heart to the Lord. And throughout the day, we can have communion with the Lord whatever we are doing. If our mind is on the TV program or money matters or something, then we are not fixing our mind on the Lord.

Ask the Lord, Lord keep my mind always in contact with you. So throughout the day, we are in fellowship with the Lord and we can ask God for grace. And one practical thing I want to say is when small things upset us, just ignore that.

We should not keep talking about some small thing which happened, some small loss and make it like a big thing. If the children make something, just ignore some things but correct them when it needs to be corrected.

If a husband has forgotten something, don't make a big issue out of it. Most of the problems can be solved that way.

Marriage as a Picture of Christ and the Church

It's a tremendous responsibility that we have to manifest as husband and wife the relationship of Christ and the church. See, when you get married or if you are both born again, what is God saying to you?

Now I am talking to husband and wife where both are born again. I already spoke about where only one is born again. Now where both are born again. You know what God is saying to you? You live in such a way that people can see in your home the relationship of Christ and the church.

How Christ loves the church and serves the church and purifies the church and leads the church as a shepherd. You must be the leader in your home and the wife must show by her life as the church is subject to Christ, I want to show by my subjection to my husband.

See, out in our country, in the villages, there is a type of subjection that the wife has to the husband. In all the non-Christian homes that spirit is also in the Christian home where the wife is like a slave.

You cannot do anything but just the work in the house. See, that is not why God made Adam. Adam's wife. God said I want to make a helper for Adam. Not a servant. Not a slave. There is one godly man who said when God wanted to make a wife for Adam he wanted to take a bone out of Adam's body.

He didn't take a bone from the feet. Why? Because he didn't want man to rule over the woman. He didn't take a bone from the head because he didn't want the woman to rule over the man. Where did he take the bone from?

From where? From the side. Can you tell me which side? Left side or right side? Can you tell me which side? It's not written in the Bible. But I think it was from the left side. Because the heart is here on the left side.

God wants you to keep your wife near your heart. That's why he took a rib from there and made a woman. So God created Adam and Eve to be like partners. Not a ruler and a slave. But fellowship where one is the head.

So I want to say to all husbands you must treat your wife like a partner. Just like you share God's word with other brothers you must share God's word with your wife. That is how you encourage her. And sisters, if you read the Bible and you get something good from it share it with your husband.

Don't just share it with other sisters. Because when we share God's word with one another we can encourage one another. And your husband needs encouragement. Your wife needs encouragement. And if we don't encourage one another our heart becomes hard with sin.

You know how long it takes for the heart to become hard with sin? One day. See Hebrews chapter 3 verse 13. Encourage one another every day as long as it is called today so that you are not hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

So in one day you can be hardened. It says every day you have to encourage people. Otherwise you will be hardened. Now you tell me who do you see every day? Do you see all the sisters every day? No. Do you see all the brothers every day?

The one you see every day is your husband. Or wife. As soon as you wake up you see your husband and wife. And you must say see, even if I can't do anything else let me at least encourage her, encourage him.

That means you got some word that encouraged you please share it with your husband or wife. Not like preaching to her or him. You don't have to preach a big sermon. Just say this word that I got today really blessed my heart.

It takes only one minute to say that. But that one minute will show your wife that you consider her as a partner. The second thing I want to say is you must learn to appreciate one another. When you see something good say it.

Learning to Appreciate Spouses and Children

Don't say if the food is good don't say it was sort of good today. Don't say it like that. Say it in a good way. I really appreciate the food you made today. It's so good. You don't have to flatter or tell lies.

If she puts on a nice saree you say that's a beautiful saree. Have you ever said that? What's wrong in saying that? You look at the flowers and you say what beautiful flowers. And Jesus said your heavenly father who clothes the flowers can clothe you also.

You can appreciate the flowers you can't appreciate the clothes in your wife. We have to learn to appreciate. We as Indian people we don't do that. We are big misers when it comes to appreciating. We are afraid they'll get puffed up if I say anything good.

They won't get puffed up. Sometimes people come to me also and say Brother Zach we don't want you to get puffed up. I'm not trying to flatter you. After five minutes of introduction like that Brother thank you for the message.

It was a good message. There's no need of all that introduction. You know how Jesus appreciated a Roman centurion? This is an unconverted ungodly man military man who's probably killed so many people but he could trust that Jesus will speak a word and heal his servant who is so far away.

You read in Matthew 8 He said Lord you don't have to come to my house from here you speak my servant will be healed verse 8 and see what he said what Jesus heard this Jesus said to him verse 10. Jesus was like one of us.

He said you're a military man there are so many things wrong in your life now I want to say something good to you but don't get puffed up. Be careful. Pride can kill you so don't let your head get swollen up.

Pride can kill you so don't be proud after all that introduction. I think you got some faith. That's not what he said. No introduction. He said I've never found faith like this anywhere in Israel. I can imagine Peter going to Jesus and say Lord he'll get puffed up if you say all this to him.

Please be careful. What you say. Jesus had such a to appreciate something good. I've learned something from that first time he saw Nathaniel. He said oh there's a man in whom there's no guile. Blessed are you.

Simon Bar-Jonah my heavenly father has given you that revelation. Blessed are you. We all say we want to be like Jesus. I want to encourage all of you learn to appreciate your husband or wife from today.

There are so many things you've found fault in your married life. I know. Now let us say some good things also which are true. You don't have to say to your wife you are the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

May not be true but you can say like this. You are the most beautiful woman in the whole world. To me that should be true. You know when the Lord was going to kill Ezekiel's wife. Ezekiel's wife was going to die.

The Lord told Ezekiel like this. This is what he called his wife in Ezekiel 24. Verse 16. Look what he called Ezekiel's wife. I'm going to take away from you the desire of your eyes with a blow. Can the Lord say that to you about your wife.

The desire of your eyes always. Your wife must be the desire of your eyes. I want to encourage you brothers and sisters to read the song of Solomon. Let me just show you one thing the husband should say to the wife.

Wives to the husband. This is not from some cinema. This is from the bible. You will be surprised. Oh I thought this is in the cinema. Is it brother. I thought I was saying this from the cinema. No no no.

This is inspired by the holy spirit. How does the husband talk to his wife. Chapter 1. Verse 15. The husband is telling the wife how beautiful you are my darling. How beautiful you are. Your eyes are like doves.

Then the wife says verse 16. How handsome you are my husband. And so pleasant. Is that wrong. To speak like that it is appreciating. This is how our relationship becomes better. And this is how you will not be tempted by other women when we learn to appreciate the good things that god has put in your husband or wife.

Expressing Appreciation Through Written Encouragement

I have one suggestion for you. I hope all of you husbands know your wife's birthday. Do you know your wife's birthday. Now in some villages they have not put any birth certificate. They don't know. So you make one birthday for your wife January 1st or something.

To all people who don't know their birthday just make it January 1st. To all people their birthday just make it January 1st. In many villages it is true. They don't specify the date. The reason I am saying this is because you should not.

You don't know your birthday. You should not say a lie that you don't know. So I am saying this January 1st is your birthday. If you don't know it now on your wife's birthday or your husband's birthday take a small piece of paper any paper from a notebook or anywhere and write down my dear wife or dear husband or whatever you call her and say.

I am really thankful to you for these two three things. I am very thankful that God gave you to me as my husband or my wife I will always love you. And if you want some more ideas you read the song of Solomon you will get many ideas to what to write to your wife.

Inspiration from the Holy Spirit. Even quote the verse also if you like and give it to your husband or wife only once a year. Can you do that. Remember to do that and do that for your children. Also on your children's birthday just take a small piece of paper write one or two sentences.

That's all. We do that in our home. I have done that for my wife for 41 years. She has done that for me. And we have both done it for all our four children. They agree every birthday. And they do it for one another also.

And now we do it for our four daughters. We don't have any daughters in law.

Because we are not under law we have daughters in grace and I do it for my grandchildren also. Even though they can't read I say ok their father can read it to them. Only two three lines. And only once a year.

Is that difficult. Just some word of appreciation. One line your wife will be surprised. I never knew my husband cared for me so much. You know we are living in a world where the devil is trying to separate husband and wife.

Speaking Kindly and Resolving Small Conflicts

Let's come together bring children together. This is not psychology. This is doing what song of Solomon says what Jesus did. Appreciating. I want to underline this good thought that we must practice saying things in a nice way.

To say in a nice way to our husbands and to our children. That's a habit we have to cultivate in our Indian culture. Try to say things in the nicest way possible. Now suppose we want to say something which is not so nice and something is bothering us.

But we want to tell our husband. That comes sometimes in our married life as I said as women we get upset for little things so.

My advice is at such times don't say what comes in our mind wait for little while and try to put it in a nice way. And if something is bothering us don't keep it in our mind and add more and more things to it because suddenly it will explode in a bad way.

So try to tell as and when it is necessary but in the nicest way and same way to our children. We don't want to speak in a scolding way or nagging way.

But in a encouraging and pleasant way. So there are two more things I want to say. One is don't think these things will happen in one day. To have a happy married life is like climbing a huge mountain.

Perseverance, Honesty, and Spiritual Growth

When I got married I did not have victory over sin.

I never heard about victory over sin. You young couples you are very lucky that you heard about victory over sin even before you got married. I was a defeated person. I was born again but defeated. I used to get angry.

I used to get discouraged. I loved money and I was anxious. I was as defeated as anybody but from that pit. It's a pit. It's a pit. God has lifted me up slowly through many years that I never get angry.

Now 365 days of the year with my wife see what God has done. I can't do it. The Lord once told me don't say you got victory over sin. Say Jesus kept me from falling. So I can't say I've got a glorious married life.

I say the Lord has been good to us and he has preserved us. The Lord will do that for you. So don't think that I was not defeated like you once. I was thoroughly defeated but God helped me and God can help you.

But the thing is don't give up. I can only say that I was defeated defeated, defeated and I never gave up. I said Lord you got to give me victory. You got to give me victory. I'm sorry I failed again.

I'm sorry but I'm going to get up. I'm going to reach the top of this mountain. Don't give up because it will bless your children and be honest with your children. Don't give your children the impression that you're perfect because you're not perfect.

When you do something wrong let your children know. I'm sorry that was wrong. It was daddy's mistake. I always wanted my children to know they don't have a perfect father. But he's an honest father. When he does something wrong he'll say I'm sorry that was my mistake.

Sometimes I punish them wrongly when they should not have been punished. I say I'm sorry that was wrong on my part that will encourage them. The other thing I want to say is when you pray with your children.

Praying With Children and Maintaining Affection

Don't just put your always put your arms around them and pray for them. We do that when they're small. We hug them and kiss them and all that do it when they're grown up. Also my oldest son is 40 years old.

I still hug him and I put my arm around him when I pray so that he knows I love him as my son. So parents pray like that with your sons and daughters. And the other one last thing I want to say you must learn to crack jokes with your husband or your wife.

Joy, Laughter, and the Hope of Godly Homes

It's a very good habit because then that means you got a good relationship. Don't always be serious. Don't talk like that. You must have some fun together and crack some jokes with one another and that will build your relationship.

You must laugh together. God will help you. I believe God wants to build some wonderful homes in Tamil Nadu. Wonderful children who will grow up to be another generation to live for God. Do you have faith for that?

Do you believe that your life is going to be better in the days to come in the home? One more question you must say a loud yes. First husband. Are you going to appreciate your wife from today onwards?

Sisters you heard that. Did you hear your husband's voice also there? Ok wives. Are you going to appreciate your husband from today? It is not loud enough louder. Are you going to appreciate your husband from today?

Yes ok. Praise the lord heavenly father. Help us to honour you build wonderful homes in Tamil Nadu. That in our churches we shall have beautiful homes. Wonderful children who grow up to live for you. In Jesus name.

We pray in the name of Jesus father. Amen.