Dealing With Manipulators — Gayle Erwin

The Nature of Jesus: Servanthood, Humility, and Obedience

We have been looking together at the nature of Jesus in Fact as we've looked at it. You've memorized some things haven't you? Surely you have. Let's test and see as you look at the nature of Jesus. I heard someone shout out the first one which was Servant yes or slave and the second one was Not lord it over others you're doing great and the third was leadership by Example.

Exactly and number four was humble excellent and number five was as a child. Number six was as the younger and number seven was last. Number eight as the least I hear you calling it out. That's great.

These were in the Gospels. We moved to Philippians chapter 2 and added six more. The first of those was No force he did not use force on us and then no blind ambition and Then he made himself of no Reputation yes or no image or he emptied himself and made himself nothing and then next in our list was Human he was fully God fully man, and the next one was obedient even unto Death and that's number 14 completes the list.

Death tends to doesn't it now when we look at this though I must say to you and you probably have already detected this there are some problems that go with this there are. And I need to be honest with you and tell you what they are.

Servanthood Versus Servitude

One of them is When you really try to be a servant hearted other centered person. People can take advantage of you. They can say oh, you're a slave. Well, I've always wanted one. Well, is that what I'm talking about?

No, it isn't. Let me draw you a little chart here in a way. There is a distinct difference between Servant hood and I know I'm sort of playing with words here. But it works stick with me is not equal to do you understand that old mathematical symbol is not equal to not the same as servitude.

Servitude is when you have been forced. Servant hood is when you choose. There is a distinct difference. In fact Jesus said no man takes my life from me. You see that would be Force. He says I lay it down of myself or of my choice or or my accord.

Let's write my choice here. No one takes it from me. I lay it down of my choice. Paul tells us. He says I am free of all men or I am a slave to no man or I have been enslaved by no one. So let's write the word enslaved over here.

So he says since I am free of all men or I've been enslaved by no one. He says I make Myself a slave to all men that I might win some. So do you see the difference? This is force. This is choice. Misery is over on the force or servitude side.

Joy is on the choice or servant hood side. Now what I've discovered is that if you live over on this side the forced or servitude side. One week of that and you're ready for a nine or ten year sabbatical.

You get into an area known as Burnout. You ever heard of that before it was a hot subject just a few years ago. It's a very real topic though. Anytime you're living on this side the forced or servitude or takes or enslaved side.

You're a candidate for burnout very very rapidly living over here though you can go through anything. And it doesn't wear you out. Oh you get tired. I have had people ask me Do you really believe you can work too hard for the Lord?

I? Think the answer is no you can't if you really love what you're doing. Then you get tired and you rest. But then you can't wait to get back at it. But if you live over on the servitude side you get weary and a heavy laden a Burden down and you think look I've done my time.

Let someone else do it now for a change. But when you are making choices for the Lord, then it is exciting. You can't wait to get to the next item to work for him. How in the world did Paul do all the things that he did.

Have you ever thought about that it's incredible. Everywhere he went he says you know I everywhere I go. I know they're going to whip me. They're going to stone me. They're going to throw me in jail. But he says that doesn't move me.

My glory in it. I think what is he a pervert? No, he's just living on the servitude side. He has chosen this and he makes these awesome statements about the future. He says the the sufferings of this life aren't even worthy to be compared with what he has waiting on us.

This is the beautiful thing about living on the servitude side. How in the world could Jesus have done the things that he did that the things he did couldn't. There was not enough paper and ink to write them all down.

Only because for the joy set before him. They said this was no big thing big deal. I can put up with this. He had chosen if you live on the other side, it's misery. I have a number of friends who are surfers.

I Have never met a burnt-out surfer. I have never met a surfer who said I hope I never see another wave as long as I live. They can be on their deathbed and someone yells surf's up. I'm coming. I'm coming.

That's the difference and that's the joy of living on. The choosing side now, how did Jesus face manipulation being the perfect servant? You know that there would have been attempts made to manipulate Jesus and that's true.

Jesus Confronts Flattery and Manipulation

There were and there are a couple of basic ways that he dealt with. Those who would attempt to manipulate those who would attempt to take advantage of him one of them we find in the third chapter of John.

Right at the very beginning a man named Nicodemus comes to him by night. Now that's a significant thing that he came by night that in itself is Patronistic it's saying Well, I know you're a good man, but you're not safe to be seen with during the day.

So I'll just sneak in here because I don't want you to hurt my reputation. That's really what he's saying. So Nicodemus comes by night and he says to Jesus. We know That you're a man come from God. I love this Teacher come from God for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.

Now if you were to say that to me Gail we know you're a teacher come from God. Because no man can teach these things except God be with him. If you were to say that to me You'd have me. I say yeah, I guess you're right.

What else have you noticed about me? But now Jesus was not fooled by this and I am so amazed that I'm convinced that Jesus had what I call some flags on Triphammers in his mind when certain things happened these flags would fly up.

Oh, yeah, and a flag would fly up and say watch this man real close. This is probably manipulation. And so here comes Nicodemus and he's laying a very flattering statement on him. Oh teacher, we know you're come from God.

Because no man can do these things Unless God is with him. Flattery is a form of manipulation, isn't it? If someone comes and says, oh, you're just the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I know I only met you five minutes ago, but I don't think there's anybody in the whole world sweeter than you.

Oh, you're just so wonderful. Immediately. You should have a flag that goes boy. So he's actually Flattering Jesus and Jesus an interesting thing here. Jesus did not need to have Nicodemus tell him this and that's very important because I've discovered That if there's any area that I need to have someone tell me it becomes an area that I can be Gotten into bondage where I can become bound.

Jesus did not need Nicodemus to tell him. We know you're a teacher come from God. He already knew that. He did not need him to tell him. No man can do these things except God be with him. He already knew that so when you need someone to tell you something you're in deep trouble.

Somehow you can go into bondage over it. So Nicodemus tells him this now what was Jesus response? It was not the same kind of response that I would get. It's amazing to me when you stop and think what a strange conversation this was.

We know you're a man come from God. No, man can do these things except God be with him. And Jesus says I surely tell you you've got to be born again. That's quite a conversation it's not your average conversation.

Now the reason I believe Nicodemus was being manipulative was because Nicodemus didn't even believe his own words. If he had believed his own words, he would have said tell me how. But instead he wants to argue with Jesus.

Wait a minute here expect me to go back in my mother's room. And Jesus gets on his case he says you're a teacher of Israel you don't know. So here Jesus met this manipulativeness of Nicodemus with confrontation.

That wasn't the only time where Jesus confronted a manipulator in the 20th chapter of Luke. Well, it's actually in in three of the Gospels of Matthew Mark and Luke. And I'll just read this to you, and they asked him saying teacher now by the way.

They had sent spies or had sent someone up. The Pharisees especially had sent spies. The Herodians were involved in this too. Because he had silenced the Sadducees. Actually they asked him saying teacher.

This is verse 21 of Luke 20. We know that you say and teach rightly. And you do not show personal favoritism, but teach the way of God truly. In that beautiful we know you're a brave man. We know that you're not afraid of anyone you teach only the truth.

Now folks if you were to say that to me You'd have me Gayle you're a brave teacher. You only teach the truth. You're not afraid of anybody. I'd say yeah, I'm pretty tough. That's right. You'd have me.

But Jesus I believe had something had hit the trip hammer and boing-oing-oing-oing the flag flew up. And he's saying to himself what's this man very closely the Bible says he knew the intent of their heart.

And then they said Can we ask you a question? Now if you were to say these words to me and then say to me can I ask you a question. Look, I'm going to answer it whether I know the answer or not. You will have tapped my Messianic complex.

Now think oh, yes, since I'm such a good teacher I'll certainly have an answer for this you can count on it. Then they asked him the question Should we pay taxes to Caesar or not? Uh-oh tough question.

Now if you were to ask me that question after having tapped my Messianic complex Gayle should we pay taxes to Caesar or not? Oh, I would begin to sweat. I would know this is a difficult one. Oh, my ministry is on the line, but I know how to handle questions like that.

I do. It's called muddy the water. And I would tend to answer it something like this. Well, let me see when you go back to some of the ancient times in the very beginning of history. When mankind really didn't have what might be called a governmental form of system and so forth and therefore taxation wasn't really the ultimate thing.

At that particular point you could have this sort of thing go on and you should have then you would come later on when you Have what sort of a monarchial system you see in the monarchial system in order to protect the people to have to maybe some sort of fee and so forth and then when you get to the time in which mankind considers himself to be the king and those who govern Government that will of the people and so forth then you can do this and you can do that and people.

And people would say brilliant, what did he say? But Jesus was never fooled by that. And he knew they were trying to trap him and he said why are you trying to trap me? Bring me a penny or a denarius?

They brought him a coin. He said all right whose image is on it. And they said Caesars. All right, then you give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and give to God. What belongs to God? Well what belongs to God?

Well whose image is on you, ah. You belong to God give yourselves to God let Caesar have his stuff it's going to burn anyway. But there's another place. So here you see Jesus met this manipulation with confrontation he came head-on against it and Once again, he did not need to have these men tell him that you're true that you you only speak the truth.

He didn't need to have him tell him that he knew it already. He didn't need for them to say You you only speak true. You're not afraid you you show respect to no one. He knew that already now if we need to have someone tell us that it becomes an area where we can Get into bondage.

That's why we need to have these flags develop with trip hammers on them. Boy, I think when manipulative things come across them and we'll look at some other of those trip hammers in the course of the evening.

Jesus Escapes Coercive Pressure

It was another place where an attempt was made to manipulate Jesus and it comes in an interesting spot. Several thousand people have been listening to him for a couple of days. The Apostles come up. I love these guys.

I've already talked to you a little bit about them. They were a little slow. It took them two days. To realize that people were hungry and then one of the funniest things happens in Scripture Jesus says to them.

This is hilarious when you when you read the Bible, right? It's filled with funny things. Jesus says you feed them. You can hear him saying I didn't hear that. He didn't say that. And then one of them gets Financial on him and says well master nine months wages couldn't feed these people.

Now I can hear in his mind these thoughts. Indeed if we had a salary. So, I don't know what the apostolic salary was back then. Probably wasn't a lot but into the scene comes a little lad. Jesus is well, what do you have?

Well We got five loaves and two fishes. It's attached to a little boy. Oh. Have you ever thought about this folks? This is another funny. What was this chap doing there? He obviously was new. Otherwise, he wouldn't have had a lunch.

So he must have just arrived. How do you suppose he got there? I play with this in my mind and have fun with it. I can see him saying to his mother mama. There's a big crowd of people just over the hill.

Can I go see what's going on? She says okay, but take your lunch. Folks as she packed that lunch. She had no idea What she was packing. Now I've discovered that miracles happen on ordinary days. Miracles do not come as the result of some High-pressure emotional moment where we were finally getting ourselves to the point where we can have a miracle.

No, no. Miracles happen on ordinary days folks. Maybe you got up late and you're and you're late for work and you're trying to get peanut butter on your sandwich. And you buttered your hand on. And you think it's a bad start.

Everything's gonna be bad today. No folks miracles happen on ordinary days. This lady didn't know what she was packing that day. Says five loaves now we would have called those buns. Look, that's what we call.

Those buns had no idea as they were being packed what they were about to do. You ever thought of that? This little lad heads off over the hill. He didn't know what he was carrying. He thought it was just five loaves and two fishes.

It wasn't now. Go with him get in his shoes. You're over the hill. That has other meanings to doesn't. You're you're there where the crowd. When you're 32 like me you begin to think that you are. But here he is among these people and he's looking around and suddenly he realizes There are 5 ,000 hungry people there.

I've got a lunch. When I get to heaven, I hope they have an instant replay machine. I want to see this scene. I Want to see how they got the lunch away from him. It does say that they brought the boy and the lunch and Jesus took Those buns and Those fish and he blessed them.

I Like that he blessed them. You realize we can't define the word bless Without using the word blessed to define it. We just know we want one. Don't we? We want a blessing and Sometimes when we come to church now, I'm not talking about you.

I'm talking about other people that I've seen. Sometimes when I come to church, oh It's been a tough week man. Satan's tanned my hide. I I really need a blessing and so I I Come and I say, oh man, I'm gonna have to sit in the back.

He got here late home, brother. Well, I need a blessing. I really need a blessing and we find a seat and where's the seat? No, I don't want to sit with those people. I don't like those people. So we find a seat next to some people we like and then we sit down.

All right. Now bless me you got 30 minutes to bless me if you don't bless me in 30 minutes. There's another church just down the street, you know that. That happens in some places not here. But at any rate we tend to know we need a blessing.

We want a blessing. Jesus took these bonds and he blessed. If I were one of those buns I'd go on the road. I'd be on the 100 200 300 and 400 Club. I'd say ladies and gentlemen, you're looking at blessed buns.

So I'm just going to loaf here for a while. This is bad in the night. But that is not. I don't know why I'm spending so much time. He took he took these bonds and he blessed them. And then what did he do?

He broke them them. All that's what happens when he blesses. Yes, it is. I hate to tell you this but that's what happens. He broke them and he broke them and he broke them in a broken. This will take a while.

There were 5 ,000 people there and he broke them in a broken. I guess I'm telling you all of this just to let you know that he really doesn't want to bless you. But when he does. The next thing is he breaks you.

But it isn't so he can say did I break them? No, no. No, that's never his reason. It's only so He can give you away. So he can pass you out. You see that fits his nature his other centeredness is his generosity.

He gives you away and he gives you away and he gives you away and when it's all over. There's more of you left over than when you began. You can't believe what happened, you know, you don't look the same.

But oh what you've done amazing. Well, I Can't leave this little chap alone. That supplied it all. I can see him standing there going. Wow. Looking at his empty sack and looking at that. And I have an idea.

This is just my fun playing with the scene. They probably said to the little fella. Hey, thanks kid. We really appreciate your help. Tell you what, let us do you a favor. We got some basketfuls left over here.

Why don't you take a couple of these home? Okay. Okay. Now can you see him going home with that and trying to explain that to his mother? Where have you been boy? Mama, you're not gonna believe this. Now though we come to what I really was starting to tell you about Jesus.

Now he had fed these people you would think That after two days of intense teaching from the master teacher this That they had received in their head would now drop to their hearts but no their hearts were Teflon covered and it slipped and went to their bellies and Jesus knew see here was the boy only Jesus knew that they were going to try to come and take him by force and Make him king.

How did he deal with that manipulation he got out of there as Fast as he could even walked on water to get out of there. There are some There are some forms of manipulation that are so overwhelming so strong.

You don't have the tools to deal with it. The best thing you can do is get out of there as fast as you can even if you have to walk on water. So we see two specific ways that Jesus dealt with different forms of manipulation one of them was by Confrontation another one was by running away from it.

That wasn't a bad thing for him to do. There are a lot of ways in which people will attempt to manipulate us today to take advantage of our servanthood. Different emotions that they may try to use on us.

Recognizing Fear, Guilt, and Emotional Manipulation

In fact in order to really illustrate this let me do a role play for you right here, and I I need a volunteer. Thank you, Debbie. I said you're just positioned perfectly right here Debbie Jensen come up here.

Thanks for volunteering so quickly. I really appreciate that that was very nice of you by the way now what this is this is a Rather simple role play actually I'll do most of the acting up here. Now what the scene is is this is two years ago when you and I were in high school together, okay?

It's my story. I'll do what I want with it, okay? Now you're a new person in our school. You have just arrived and I am What can I say big man on campus okay? Hi? My name is Gail. What's yours? Debbie oh good name welcome to our campus.

We're glad to have you here in fact. It's a good thing that I met you first. You know because what can I say? I'm just sort of a big man here on campus. I kind of know my way around let's move back over here in fact.

You're very very lucky because you see I know all of the right people here to be seen with me is to be With the right people this is your great day. Let's move back over here now. In fact, I guess I really need to tell you that if you're not seen with me You're nothing on this campus.

Just keep that in mind, okay? Let's move back over here, so you see this really is your fortunate day now. Let's move back over here. By the way, what are you doing tonight? Nothing good? I see well I Have some clothes that need washing you wouldn't mind with you.

Now what's going on here? This is an aggressive form of manipulation. I have her in an iron grip. What she has to do is figure out where is the grip and get loose from that so that she can be a genuine person in the Situation making genuine choices now could you hear the emotion?

I was trying to evoke in her fear. See if you're not seen with me. You're nobody so an aggressive form of manipulation may tend to want you to be afraid. But now here's another method different kind entirely.

Hi. My name is Gail. What's yours? I'm Debbie. Debbie. Oh good to meet you. You're new here aren't you? Welcome to our school. We're glad to have you in fact. I'm really glad I met you first because well, I I know these students here and You have to watch out for them, you know.

They'll tell you they're your friends but when you test that In fact you you have no idea how much I have suffered at their hands. Thank you. Thank you. But when I saw you I just knew that you were different.

You're not like them at all and you'll be my friend won't you. Sure. You said that awfully rapidly, you know really sincere people don't. Don't say that that rapidly well. You're just like them. I thought you were different.

Well go away. Leave me alone. Now what's going on here she'd love to get away, but I've got her hand in an iron grip see. Now what she has to do is discover Where is the grip and get free from that so she can be a genuine person?

Making a genuine decision now. Could you hear the emotion that I was trying to evoke in this moment guilt? I Thought you were different. See when you say something like that. You're evoking guilt in someone.

Thank you, Debbie. You did a good job. People will often use fear To try to manipulate you. The Bible says Perfect love does what to fear? Cast it out if you love me. You're going to want to cast my fears out and make me fear less.

But if you are wanting to take advantage of me, then you're going to want to increase my fears. But I have learned through some Difficult difficult times to have that as one of my trip hammers with a flag on it and when fear hits it boy.

Oh, you're yelling that flag flies up and says what do they want? See when I was growing up no, no, I never grew up. I told you that When I was young I had three very real religious fears. They were pushed on me especially.

As an adolescent I contracted a terminal case of puberty and It was it was some things were pushed on me and I can recall it. For one thing I was afraid That I would miss the rapture. Because everyone would say to me.

Do you want to be doing that when Jesus comes Gail? No, no. Do you want to be acting like that when you don't know? Well folks there are some legitimate things I would not want to be doing when the rapture Place, you know, please not while I'm in the toilet.

Hadn't thought of that had you. I was also afraid That I probably had committed the unpardonable sin it's easy for people to if they aren't loving of you to make you think that they can say something like.

Remember when you got saved? Yeah. Remember how you felt? Yeah feel the same now. No, ah. Who moved. That would be like someone saying to me see my wife and I have been married 35 Years this year if they were to say to me remember when you got married.

Yeah. Remember how you felt? Yeah feel the same now. No. Aha don't love her then. No, that's not true. I love my wife more than I ever have but as you know feelings change. They come and they go don't they and they mature.

So it's easy for people to make you think. Oh, there must be something wrong. My feelings aren't the same. I was also afraid I was made to be afraid. That's probably demon-possessed. I remember it well my teenage years.

Were during what I called the tent revival years back in the 1950s. And I remember with my parents attending one of those Big tent it was the world's largest tent. In fact, there were several that were the world's largest tents.

And I won't tell you who it this particular Person was or when his TV program is on but I'll never forget that night. We were seated there and people were going across the front being prayed for and he stopped one and he says, aha.

Well, I have a demon to cast out here. Boy, he had my attention. And then he said now this demons going to have to go somewhere I knew where it was going. And he said I don't know what your spiritual situation is, but perhaps out of respect.

You should bow your heads boing. And later on I thought wait a minute out of respect for what Raider is he that is in me than he that is in the world. Why would he want me to be afraid unless there was something he wanted?

From me now the Bible informs us that God has not given us a spirit of fear. Has he we know that if it's a spirit of fear, it did not come from God. We also know that Fear. God didn't do this just because fear has torment see that has to do with judgment.

And that's not what God is saying to we who follow him. So when someone tries to make me afraid Rather than fearless. That flag goes up and says what does he want and guilt? Romans 8 tells us there is therefore now no Condemnation to them that you know it to them that are in Christ Jesus.

Oh, I love that and I love my relationship with the Lord and when anyone tries to come between me and him And lay guilt on me boy, I think that flag flies up and says Ask him what he wants because it can be used to manipulate.

Manipulation Through Limiting Choices

Another way we tend to try to manipulate that was used on Jesus is to reduce people's Choices reduce their ability to choose. For instance when they asked him should we pay taxes to Caesar or not? What do you got two choices there, right?

People will tend to try to do that to you rather than come up and ask would you mind explaining to us? How we should approach taxes? They say here are the two choices pay taxes to Caesar or not. It'd be like my wife saying to me when I came home.

Maybe she says we're eating out tonight. Which restaurant do you want to eat in? Now that reduced my choice is a whole lot. But when I love you, I am wanting to free you rather than to Manipulate you and reduce you to lesser choices.

Jesus I think had a pretty good set of Boiling flags that would fly up to keep people from taking advantage of him now. Let's talk about manipulation in a modern sense for us here tonight when someone Wants to take advantage of you because you have chosen to be a good servant.

Saying No Without Abandoning Servanthood

One of the most difficult things we have to learn is that there are times when we have to say no. How can you do it and still fit within the nature of Jesus that we have written here on our board? It can be done.

Let me give you a good way to say no this can save you ten years off your life. You can say to someone I'm uncomfortable because I don't believe I can make a loving choice here. I'm going to have to say no.

Now what's happened is you have made a very firm statement and a very firm choice, but you've not attacked anyone. You haven't said you manipulate or you know. No, you have taken the responsibility on yourself to make the choice.

I don't believe that I am capable of making a loving choice here. So I'm going to have to say no. You haven't put anyone down. This comes out of humility. You have owned the reality of who you are been honest about yourself and yet said no.

Well, there are a number of ways that people will try maybe someone has come. I once served a church that was in a Rather lower socio-economic area and we would we're on a main street. We would often have people coming in usually wanting money.

And we had learned after some very difficult experiences that that was seldom the right thing to do. But we determined that we would always feed clothe their house anybody that came in but we wouldn't necessarily give them money and yet that tended To be what they wanted and they all tended to have the same story to that Fascinated us that we wondered did they subscribe to the same magazine or something moochers monthly or something?

But when we would say no To them then Here's what would tend to happen next and a good manipulator will do this. They will create a scene Christian you said well, yeah, and you're not gonna do this. No, well, then don't call yourself a Christian.

I'm gonna go tell everybody that you're not a Christian because you're not gonna do this for me. And then you get all embarrassed you say, okay. Okay, how much you need a hundred thousand got it right here in my body.

They would do that at church. We'd say no. Wait a minute. Isn't this a church? They would say yeah. Well, yes. And don't churches help people. Oh, yes, and you're not gonna help me here. Well, not that way.

No. Well, then don't call yourself take that sign down. I'm gonna go out and tell everybody you're not a church right here I'm gonna and I'd hear words that I haven't heard in years, you know. And it was I'd get embarrassed and I say I would want to say no.

No, don't don't do that. Look, we'll give it give it to how much you want. But if you'll remember what I've just told you and Remember what I said about creating a scene when you see people create a scene just sort of step back and say well look at that.

That's the scene Gail said they would do. Have any of you ever seen a whole three or four year old throw a temper tantrum. They know when to do it. They catch mama at the grocery store. They want candy and she says no and they throw themselves on the floor and beat their heads on the floor.

And others come by and say I wonder who's kid that is mama gets embarrassed says look I'll give you ten tons of candy, but don't embarrass me like this. But if you do that, you've just set a dangerous precedent.

If you leave them alone though about the fourth time their head hits the floor. They'll think this hurts doesn't. It is not accomplishing what I had in mind is it? When you see a scene like that Another thing that a good manipulator will try to do is to make you explain your decision.

You say no and they say why. Now the moment you start trying to explain you lost. Because they will one by one destroy your explanations you'll give them an explanation. They'll destroy that and you'll come up with another one and they'll argue and show you why that one's not true.

And finally 30 explanations down the road. They've destroyed your last one and they say see you can do it. You forgot what it was. They wanted all you know is that you hate yourself for letting them do this to you.