8) Building Our Homes With Wisdom (Kannada) — Zac Poonen

The Strength of a Church Is Seen in Its Families

We are going to speak primarily to married people in this session. The strength of a church is not the number of people who come to the meeting. That is the way man looks at it. So, if we measure by numbers, then I think the Roman Catholic Church is the best church.

And some of the cults like Jehovah's Witnesses, they are very huge. But that's not the way God looks at a church. He looks for disciples. And he sees whether our families are strong. What is the relationship like in all the families in the church?

If the families in a church are weak and always fighting with each other, even if they come on Sunday and look very holy, as far as God is concerned, that's not a good church. Even though their doctrines may be all correct, that's why family life is very important in the New Covenant.

In the Old Testament, there is no emphasis on family life. There are no instructions in the Old Testament as to how husband and wife must live with each other. Because most of the time in the Old Testament, the woman was not important.

And how you brought up your children is completely unimportant. See, Moses and Samuel are two of the greatest men in the Old Testament. And their names come in the book of Ezekiel. God talks about Moses and Samuel as the great people who pray.

But both of them, their children were all wavered. Samuel's children were so bad, they were taking bribes from Israel. But Samuel was a great prophet. The only time we read of Moses' wife is in Exodus 4, where she is having a fight with her husband.

So, that didn't bother God in the Old Testament. How you lived at home didn't matter. You could still be a leader in Israel, even if your children were wavered and you were not living properly with your wife.

But in the New Testament, it speaks a lot about how we are to live as husband and wife together. And there is a big emphasis on the way we bring up our children. Because that's part of New Covenant life.

So, you can't build a church if you can't build good homes. And in fact, in the New Testament, it says, in 1 Timothy 3, that if a man doesn't have a good family life, he cannot be an elder. And if his children are wavered, he can't be elders.

Do you know that if Moses and Samuel were living in Bangalore, I would not appoint them as elders in CFC? You'd be surprised. But I'll say, Brother Moses and Samuel, your children are all wavered, you can't be an elder.

You can come and sit at the back and listen. But very few people will have the courage to say that to a great preacher. Today also, there are great preachers like Samuel, whose children are wavered. And they are accepted by most people in Christendom.

That is one more proof that all these churches are Old Testament churches. They are not New Testament churches. So, it's not just for elders. I'm just trying to say that there's so much emphasis on that in the New Testament.

Christian Homes as Lights in a Non-Christian World

But we need to understand what the Lord is trying to show through a New Testament home. Our home must be like a light for the Lord. See, there's one big difference between Israel and the church. Sometimes we don't understand that.

If you went to any town in Israel, every house was an Israelite. And they were all children of Abraham. They were all members of one family. You became an Israelite by being born into the family. Every house was an Israelite.

You go to another town, every house was an Israelite. Then, they were not supposed to be a witness to each other. They were to be like a light for the world. But they were a failure. But today, God doesn't put all the Christians in one village or in one town.

No, he puts one home here and a hundred homes around that may be all non-Christians. I mean, you look at where your home is, all your neighbors are all non-Christians. I find the same where I live. There are Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists all around me.

So, our home is to be like a light in that darkness. They must see there's something different in our home compared to theirs. That we don't fight like other neighbors fight. Neighbors will fight for small, small things.

I have lived, I think, in that area now for nearly 40 years. I've never had a fight with any neighbor. If they make a mistake and harm me in some way, I just forget it. Or if they do some damage to our property, we just forgive them.

And if their children and my children fight, my children will go and apologize to their children. When they were small. I don't bother whether they come and apologize to my children. That's not important.

I felt I must be a light to all my neighbors. Whether they accept Christ or not is not the point. They must know one day when they stand before the Lord, they will know that there was a Christian living next door to me.

We never heard any shouting or quarreling in that house for 40 years. Their children were not perfect, but they were well behaved. If they made a mistake, they would apologize. If they received something as a gift, they would always say thank you very much.

And they would speak respectfully to their neighbors. That is our testimony. We are different from others. And we are not watching cinemas and other things on television. That's part of our testimony.

We don't pollute our minds with all these dirty things. They must see that our children are obedient and respectful. They must see that the wife is submissive to the husband. And they must also see that the husband is not some type of dictator who is ruling his wife.

But considers his wife as his equal. You see, in India, in the villages, the woman is supposed to be like a slave. And the man doesn't give any respect to the wife. And that is part of our non-Christian culture.

That's darkness. But in a true Christian home, the man will respect his wife. He won't force her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. That's why it says in Ephesians 5, we must love our wives like Christ loved the church.

In Ephesians 5, it says, the two will become one flesh. And he says in the next verse, this is a great mystery. But he says, I'm talking about Christ and the church. That means, man and woman becoming one flesh in marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ and the church.

So, when you look at your marriage, whether you're a husband or a wife, you have to ask yourself, is my marriage relationship like Christ and the church? For example, the husband can ask himself, am I treating my wife like Christ treats the church?

Christlike Headship in Marriage

Christ is the head of the church. But that's not the only thing. When Christ says, I am the leader, head means leader. How are you supposed to be the head of your wife? No, the word head is used in many ways.

For example, you have head of government as a prime minister. Or head of the army as a general. He just tells people, go here and there. Is that the type of head you are to be your wife, like a general?

Or then we have a head of a company, who is like a CEO, who also orders people. That is not the type of head we are supposed to be. There is another way we use head also. And that is the head of the body.

This is the picture used here, of Christ and the church. So, I am not supposed to rule my wife like a prime minister or a general. But I am like to be like this brain, this head, which runs this body.

And this head will never, never do anything that will harm this body, impossible. Will your head ever do anything that will harm your body? So, it says here, men are to love their wives like they love their own body.

How do you love your body? Ephesians 5 verse 28 Just like you love yourself, you must love your wife. If you want to think, how must I treat my wife here? Very easy. How do you treat your body? Treat your wife like that.

See how careful we are with our body. Even one mosquito comes and sits here, we just drive it off. We don't wait till some big calamity comes. Small thing, we immediately do something. That is a very good husband.

Who is very sensitive to the small problems that his wife is facing. That's how Jesus is. Isn't he concerned about our small problems? The other thing about Jesus is, he never forces us to do anything.

When he tells us to do something, he waits. So many of you know that sometimes God has told you to do something and you have waited 2 -3 years before you obey him. Isn't it true? There are things God spoke to you and you took a long time to obey.

What do you do if your wife takes 2 -3 years to do what you tell her to do? Will you do what Jesus did? Be patient. Jesus' attitude to us is like this. Whenever he tells us something, I stand at the door and knock.

If you open, I'll come in. He doesn't force his way in. He can do it, but he won't do it. Love your wives like Christ loved the church. The other thing is, Jesus is like the good shepherd who goes in front of us, not behind the sheep.

He is a leader who leads by his own example. He doesn't tell us to do it. He says, follow me. Supposing he sees something wrong in us, he doesn't tell us to change. He says, look at my example. Supposing you see something wrong in your wife, maybe she gets very angry.

You show by your life how you never get angry. Let her slowly follow your example. Don't get impatient. Because Jesus doesn't get impatient with us if we don't suddenly change in one day. Look how patient he has been with many of us for many years.

So husbands must be patient with their wives if they don't change immediately. Maybe your wife gossips a lot, speaks a lot of evil about others. You don't have to tell her to shut up and keep her mouth shut.

Let her see your example and you don't speak evil about anyone. Even if you listen to her, you don't speak evil about anyone. Maybe in five or six years, she will change. You can't do that because if you change, you have taken many years to change.

You can't wait for your wife to take four or five years to change. That is headship. Now that all the wives are very happy, I would like to tell you something. Because the Bible tells something to the wives also.

Wives, Submission, and the Example of Jesus

The Bible is not one sided. What do you think? Is it easier to be a husband or to be a wife? I'll tell you. Is it easier to find the way in the middle of a forest or just to follow somebody? Which is easier?

The world is like a forest. Your husband has to find the way and lead. He has to find a job, find a house, so many things he has to do. You just got to follow. It's really much easier. But you may say, you know, I have to keep on obeying, obeying, obeying.

The Bible says, let the wife be subject to the husband as the church is to Christ. Now a lot of people don't like the word submission. That's like some dirty word. And a lot of wives don't like that. A lot of wives don't like that word.

You say, why should I submit? I'm equal to my husband. Okay. I want to ask you sisters. Can you follow the example of Jesus? What did I tell all the husbands? You must follow the example of Jesus. Now I'm going to tell the wives also.

You must follow the example of Jesus. In 1 Corinthians chapter 11, we read here, verse 3. It's very interesting. Man is the head of a woman like God, the father, is the head of Christ. No, you didn't read it.

Just follow my, just hear what I say. Man is the head of the woman. That's what's written here. Just like God is the head of Christ, the father is the head of Christ. That's in that verse, in the second part of that verse.

If you read it, it's right there. Man is the head of the woman and God is the head of Christ. So, is Jesus equal with the father? Yes or no? Yes. For all eternity, he's equal. Then why did he submit? Why did he say, even though the father is my equal, I'll make him my head?

That means, I will submit to whatever he says. Even when it was difficult. You know, in Gethsemane, it was so difficult for him. But he said, I will do what my father says. What an example in submission to somebody who he's equal to.

So, your husband is your equal. I believe that. I believe that all men and women are equal. But still God asks the woman to submit to the man just like he asked Jesus to submit to him. Oh, that's a wonderful example to follow.

So, I told the husband to follow Jesus' example. I'm telling the wives also, follow Jesus' example. There's no better example than that. Now, if you don't follow Jesus' example, then you will follow the devil's example.

What is the devil's example? He said, I'm not going to submit to God. Some women talk like that. Then they are following the devil. If you want to follow Jesus, you say, I'll submit to God. And he says, the father is the head of Christ and the man is the head of the woman.

So, that is the example we have. So, it's a wonderful example to follow, the example of Jesus submitting to the father. So, don't think of submission as a disgraceful thing. Rebellion, rebellion against authority, that's a disgraceful thing because that's what the devil did.

Submission is a glorious thing. Jesus gave us the great example. I want to tell you another thing. The first sin committed in this universe was not adultery or murder. It was not even Adam's sin. It was the sin of the head of the angels who became the devil.

And what was that sin? It was the sin of rebellion against authority. So, that is the first sin committed in the universe. And that is what brought all the confusion into the world. So, when Jesus came to save the world from that problem, he had to do the opposite of what the devil did.

Instead of rebelling, he submitted. Not for one day. He submitted, submitted, submitted. And if he had lived a hundred years, he would have submitted for a hundred years. To show us submission is a wonderful thing.

And you sisters have a wonderful opportunity to show that in your home. And if you don't do it, and you bring the spirit of rebellion into your home, it's like a sickness. Supposing you get chickenpox.

Who will get it next? Your children. So, with one of your children get chickenpox, you say, who did he get it from? Somebody in the house had it. He got it from them. Okay. Supposing your children are rebellious.

I say, where did they get it from? Where did they get that sickness from? They probably got it from their mother. They saw how mummy talks to daddy. They said, okay, then I can talk to mummy like that.

Because they learned, you know. So, you bring the spirit of rebellion into your home, others get the infection. You bring the submission into the home, others get that good quality. That's how a woman can build her house.

When Submission Must Yield to God's Word

When can you disobey your husband? When he tells you to do something against the word of God. Because above your husband is God. So, if he tells you to do something against the word of God, then you just say, sorry, I can't do that.

That's the only time. Just like I tell children, you can disobey your parents if they tell you to do something against the word of God. But you may say, my husband is not perfect. He's unconverted and he's always angry or drunk.

Yeah, then you must be wise as to what you should do. Don't preach to him. You know, there's a verse in the Bible for wives who've got unconverted husbands. Or wives who've got husbands who come to church but they're hypocrites at home.

Some of you may say, my husband comes and sits like a holy man in the church but he's absolutely disobedient to God at home. You're right. There are some husbands like that, I know. They come and sit in the church like holy people.

And they behave like the devil at home. Disobedient to God's word. What should a wife do then? It says in 1 Peter chapter 3 and verse 1 and 2. Supposing here it says, if you've got a husband who's disobedient to the word of God, here's a woman who's married to a man who's disobedient to the word of God.

What should she do? He says, be submissive. And you can win him without preaching one word to him. That is amazing. How can you win your husband without preaching to him? You can win him by your behavior.

As they observe your pure and respectful behavior. It says that in verse 2. By your pure and respectful behavior. I'll tell you about one sister in our CFC. Many years ago she was a Hindu married to a Hindu.

Young lady. She accepted the Lord. And her husband was anti against everything Christian. She began to grow and she wanted to take baptism. So we had to baptize her secretly without her husband knowing about it.

Otherwise he would have thrown her out of the house. So we arranged a baptism one afternoon called a few brothers and baptized her. And she came with her ornaments and puttu and all these things that normal Hindu women wear.

And she came she said I want to change all this before the baptism. So she went in and changed and came out with a white sari without any of these things. So after I baptized her I said now you go back and put all that back again.

Because you are going home now. And I want to say to you God sees you without all those things. You are wearing your puttu but God sees you without it. You are wearing all these ornaments and God sees you without it.

Because God understands that you are doing it just because your husband is forcing you. Those are not sinful things. Now I said go home and be a submissive to your wife to your husband and don't preach to him.

And she did that. And he was really surprised to see her changed behavior. And after some months of seeing this he said all right I will allow you to go to only CFC no other church. And he would come and bring her and drop her in the morning at 9 .30 for the service.

And at 11 .30 he will come and wait outside to take her home. He is still a Hindu. Then they had a small child. And the husband says I want to dedicate this child in CFC. I said sure. He is still a Hindu.

And he came forward with his wife and stood there and we prayed for the child. And after some more months he also started coming to the meeting. And I sometimes see him coming alone to the meeting also when his wife is out of town.

And one day he arranged a meeting in his house. Called all his relatives. And asked me to preach the gospel to them. It all started with one sister who submitted to her husband who was not obeying God's word.

Winning Unbelieving Husbands Through Conduct

But there is one quality that such sisters must have. You know I have seen some sisters who come to our church. Christians. Husbands are not converted. But they are so strong bossy women. They are always preaching to their husbands.

I said your husband will never convert at seeing you. One look at you and your husband will say I don't want to be a Christian like this. That's a sad testimony. And their husbands are not converted. That is the opposite example.

Women who just preach and preach and preach to their husbands. You have to live not preach. So what a wonderful thing. What a power that young sister had. A woman is weak. But she had such power by submission to bring her husband and children all to church.

But there is one quality that such women must have. And that is mentioned in verse 4. 1 Peter 3 verse 4. A gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God. Which is precious in the sight of God.

It's very important to understand that. What is very precious in the sight of God? Not all your ornaments and all. It says there. But a gentle and quiet spirit. Some women are so noisy. That's not precious in God's eyes.

But a gentle, quiet spirit. In Proverbs 31 it says the law of kindness is on the tongue of that woman. In Proverbs 31 it says the law of kindness is on the tongue of that woman. See Proverbs 31. That's a good chapter for you to read.

Verse 26. Proverbs 31 verse 26. She opens her mouth in wisdom. And the law of kindness is on her tongue. Just remember that verse. All of you sisters you can underline it. Lord when I open my mouth please let me open it in wisdom.

And when I speak something let it be in kindness. That can be a great testimony. And it's beautiful to see a husband and wife who live like this. It's a great testimony to be able to lead other people to Christ.

Parents as Examples and Teachers

And then such a husband and wife should be good parents to their children. Just like the husband has to lead the wife the parents have to lead their children. I remember one brother once testifying good brother.

He said one day he saw his daughter speaking in a very rude way to her younger brother. And he asked her where did you learn that? That girl said dad I heard you speak like that sometimes. He really repented.

He repented. You know your children are learning how to speak listening to you. See you go into a home where the parents are speaking English. Always. The children learn English. You go to another house where the parents are always speaking Kannada.

The children don't know any English they are speaking Kannada. But it's not only language. The way we speak also they are picking up. If you speak in an angry rude way that also they are picking up. You speak in a gentle quiet way the children pick that up.

It's a well known fact that children pick up language from their parents. So don't blame your children when they speak rudely or do something wrong. Where did they learn it from? Great example we have to be to our children.

And it's very sad that nowadays so many Christian children are so wayward. Not only by our example. It says in Philip Ephesians chapter 6 how we are to bring up our children. There are two things mentioned there.

Verse 4. Instruction and discipline. So we have to teach them by our life and example and by words. And then we have to train them by discipline. That means sometimes we have to punish them. I think all children need punishment.

Loving Discipline and Prayer for Children

I'll tell you why I say that. Because the Bible says that. Hebrews 12. Verse 7. Last part. What child is there whom his father does not discipline? Is there such a child? So Holy Spirit is saying. Is there any child whom the father doesn't discipline in the world?

Even in the first century they believed in it. And he says God also disciplines his children like that. It says in the same verse. See God is very kind to us and he also disciplines us. So we also must be kind to our children and discipline them.

Why should we discipline them? Because they've got a bad nature which they got from Adam's nature is in them. And why should you be kind to them? Because they got that nature from you. Don't blame them.

So you have to be kind and strict. And that strictness can be in various ways. Sometimes you may just tell them you can't play today. You know children love to play. So if you tell them you can't play today you got to go and lie down in your bed for two hours.

That's quite a serious punishment. Sometimes you have to use a stick. I've used both methods. You can't go and play today. And they'll say give me the stick and let me go and play. No. It's because we love our children that we correct them.

And your children will love you. We must pray with our children. After you punish them pray with them. They may not feel like praying after they got a spanking but you can pray with them. And then after you have punished them you also have to go alone with God and say Lord did I do it the right way.

I always used to do that. I used to punish my children and then go before God and say Lord did I do that with anger or did I do it in a right way. Because we must judge ourselves. We must do it out of love not in anger.

Husband and wife parents must pray for their children. That is very very important. None of us are perfect fathers or mothers. I've been a father for more than 40 years now. When I look back over my life, my wife and I we say Lord we have not been perfect parents.

We tried our best but one thing we did we prayed for our children. Today we pray for our grandchildren. And when we pray we are saying God we can't do this but we trust you to do it. And when we pray we are saying Lord we can't do this to do it.

That is the most important thing you must do for your children. And pray with them. Put your arm around them and pray with them. And I believe that we can build wonderful homes. And our home can be a testimony for Christ.

Guarding the Church From Gossip and Division

Then our church will be strong. I want to say one last thing. Your sisters must not interfere in church matters. That is not your business. You tell your husband about home matters. Don't put ideas into your mind that this brother is like that, that brother is like that.

That is not your business. There are some wives like that. They are the mouth of the devil. The accuser of the brethren. The devil is called the accuser of the brethren in Revelation 12. But unfortunately, the devil doesn't have a mouth because he doesn't have a body.

So he looks around for a mouth. And he finds in some sister. Now I'll use her mouth. You accuse people to her husband and the poor stupid husband listens to his wife. And his attitude to somebody in the church changes.

I want to say to all of your sisters, don't become a mouth for the devil. Let the brothers deal with church matters, you deal with home matters. Yeah, if there is a problem with your children, by all means say everything to your husband, that's important.

Don't go speaking evil about brothers in the church. Because you can bring division in the church. Let the brothers sort out their own problems. You seek fellowship with the sisters. Seek fellowship with godly sisters.

If you find some gossiping sisters, try and change them. And I'll tell you how to change them. How I stopped all gossip in my house, I'll tell you. Nobody would come to my house. Say, brother Zack, you know you heard this, this, this about so and so.

I say, no, I haven't heard it. Thank you for telling me. Just sit, I'll go and phone that person right now and say that you told me all this. No, no, no, brother, don't tell, don't tell, don't tell. I say, I have the habit of immediately telling anybody who tells me anything.

You know the result of that? Nobody comes to my house and gossips because they know I'll pick up the phone. And if that brother doesn't have a phone, I'll tell him tomorrow about this. I'll tell your name also.

For many years, you know like some places you have a sign saying thank you for not smoking. No, no, no, thank you for not smoking. I had a board in my house, thank you for not gossiping here. Smoking is bad, this is worse.

It's very easy to stop gossiping if you immediately report the matter to the other person and tell them who told you that. But sometimes your sisters also like to listen to that gossip and that is why it continues like that.

You know what gossip is like? You know all the garbage we collect in the kitchen? All the rubbish? Supposing somebody brings that garbage to your sitting room one day and says sister, I would like to put all this here.

All that garbage is lying in your sitting room, that is gossiping. And you tell her, please come again sister and bring some more. And tell the other sisters also to bring all their garbage here and dump it here.

That is gossiping. I don't want garbage in my house and I don't want gossiping in my house. If you take a stand in this, you can be a godly sister who can help your husband. Let's do that. Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, help us to honor you by our life. Help us to build godly homes. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.