Desert Survival Series Pt 14- Moses the Servant of God — Don Courville

Moses’ Fifth Excuse: A Lack of Allegiance

Exodus chapter 4, we're in our desert survival series, going through here learning principles and lessons that we need in life to help us survive. I think many of the things that we're learning, we don't need them now, we may need them later.

And the principles that applied in the life of Moses fit just as well in our life too. That's one thing about scripture, if you get a principle from it, that principle can be used time and time again through many different ages.

In Exodus chapter 4, we're finishing up on the last of Moses' excuses. Actually his last, we've called them fears. And this fear that we cover today is more maybe just a lack of allegiance. We've had the lack of ability, he said, God I don't have any ability, I can't go to Israel or to Egypt and get your people out.

Don't have any ability, don't have any authority, don't have any acceptance, they won't accept me and then I don't have any address, I can't speak, I'm not eloquent. And today, the lack of allegiance, he just said, Lord, get somebody else.

Let's read the passage that we will be dealing with again in verse 11, we'll pick up from last week, chapter 4 verse 11. And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth, or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind?

Have not I the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say. And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send. And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother?

I know that he can speak well, and also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee, and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart, and thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth, and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach thee what thou shalt do.

And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people, and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God. And thou shalt take this rod in thine hand, wherewith thou shalt do signs.

We read over this passage last week, and we read it today, and the reason we spent so much time in this section is because it's so crucial to the whole study in the life of Moses. And we'll take this last subject next week, we'll get into the home.

We'll probably deal with the subject of revival in the home, and as we move on now, we might pick up a little bit more speed. But this is Moses' experience at the cross, and God has just revealed so many things to me at this cross experience that Moses had, and these things are so crucial to us.

Now, what do you think the subject is today? This is an intriguing passage of how a man, a man like you and I, 80 years old, around in that range, he had been around a while, and he knew God, he'd spent some time in the desert, how a man would dare to say to God, no, I'm not going to go.

Now, I don't know about you, but I have a little fear of God, matter of fact, I have a lot of fear of God. We are to fear God, and not to fear man, and not to fear Satan, and when we would dare to step out and not obey God, boy, you think about Moses doing this, is it any wonder?

I think Moses got off light, myself. Now, I prayed last night, I said, Lord, don't let me say anything that would dishonor Moses. But we want to get the truth of this out. But boy, he really stepped out there to refuse to go.

Now, this fifth excuse is actually a lack of allegiance. You know, we've in the last few years, in the last 20 years especially, we've seen this lack of allegiance to our country really surface. When we have a war and we see all of those head for other countries to escape, fighting for our country, and because of the political connotations of it, you know, going to fight a war that wasn't designed for us to win anyway, it produces a lot of unrest and a lot of weakening in our allegiance.

I think we've seen the same thing in our church, in the body of Christ, not just this church but in the church in general. Allegiance has been watered down and weakened. And that's the subject we're going to cover today, the area of are we faithful and loyal to our master?

The Servant of God and the Cost of True Service

The subject is the servant, Moses, the servant of God. Let's go to the Lord in prayer. Now, Father, again, I can't produce this message. Holy Spirit, you have to do it. There's nothing within me. There's no power or ability within me.

You have to do it. I just simply ask that you would use me in power and that you would open up our ears to hear what the Spirit of God has to say to us. Lord, we acknowledge that there are many things in our lives that need to be taken care of.

And today as we look at the subject of being a servant, we pray that the Spirit of God would just work very deeply. Lord, we've been on holy ground this whole time. Moses was on that mountain there before the burning bush.

He was on holy ground. And we've been there. It was his cross. And these things that we learn will show us and reveal to us the cross that we have to carry. You've told us that if any man is not willing to carry the cross, he just wouldn't mount too much.

Oh, may we be willing to bear our cross in Jesus' name, amen. The subject, being a servant, is a subject that I tried to approach last year and I had to back off. I wasn't willing or ready to approach it.

It's just like a while back I wanted to maybe cover the area of the holiness of God. Some things are just, I think we've got to be ready for them. I think a preacher has to be ready to preach certain messages.

And this servant message is not one that I feel qualified to teach. I feel like many of you are better servants than I for the Lord. And I know that one of the fallacies of Christianity today is we've tended to elevate the man.

I'm just a preacher, just a pastor. That's my spiritual gift. No greater gift than your gift, reading poems or whatever. But there's greater responsibility. And in the area of the servant, we get right into the heart of our relationship with Christ.

So I'm praying that God will take this today and teach us some things. True service always costs. Did you know that? True service to Christ always costs. Let me read you something that Roy Huston said.

He said, when we understand the humbling and self-emptying that is involved in really being a servant, it becomes evident that only those who are prepared to live quite definitely under the shadow of Calvary, ever contemplating the humility and brokenness of the Lord Jesus for us, will be willing for that position of a servant.

There are many things in this area. I was just noticing in the epistles this morning how many of the disciples, when they would start a letter, would use the term servant. A servant of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Now, a couple of questions I want to throw out. One, are you willing to be a servant? Now, I don't want to just throw that out to have something to fill space and time. But are you really willing to be a servant of Christ?

Now, that's a heavy sentence. That's a heavy statement. A heavy question. And it's heavy because of what's going to follow when I describe what a servant is. So, are you really willing to be a servant?

And then number two, why did Moses refuse to go? Why was it he said, Lord, send somebody else? Now, the only place Moses would have went from that cross experience, was probably to paradise. God had ordained and planned for him to go.

And if he wouldn't have go, then that would have been it for Moses. His usefulness for God would have probably been over. That would have been it. He would have got burnt. That would have been it. He'd died.

But God was not willing to let him off that easy. And I believe many times that God is not willing to let us off easy either. When we've made a commitment to go, and he remembers that commitment. He doesn't forget our commitment.

So, why did Moses refuse to go? Maybe by the time we get done with this, we'll see the answer to that one also. Moses, I think, was willing to serve God. He was just having trouble with dying to self.

Just willing to die to self, to what Moses wanted. And that's what the cross does. It's a crucifixion of self. Dying to self is never easy. Now, I want to give you three introductory thoughts, and then we'll get into our passage.

Bond Servants Versus Hired Servants

And when we get into our passage, I'm going to briefly go through five things about a servant. But I want to get these three introductory thoughts out, so that we understand what we're talking about. First of all, the difference between the hired servant and the bond servant.

The hired servant was one that worked for under certain conditions. He had an agreement. He leased himself out to work. And he had certain rights. Today, if you're working for somebody else, and most of us will probably end up just working for the government.

But even if you're a farmer, eventually you're working for somebody else. But we have certain rights. If we work for somebody else under what we call an employer relationship, you know, there's rights.

You have time off, vacation, sick leave, pay, increase, benefits, insurance, to pay your social security, and things like that. Hired servant has rights. Certain rights. But a bond servant, which is the type of servant that Christ was, and the disciples described themselves as a bond servant.

And also Moses. That's what God wants Moses to be, a bond servant. He's not saying, Moses, I'm hiring you out for this job. You know, you can have one day off a week and four weeks vacation a year, and here's your wages.

No. He said, Moses, you're dead. And I just want you to do what I want you to do. And Moses was struggling. The cross was a painful experience. He was, you know, he's cringing. Self doesn't die easy. Well, the bond servant has no rights.

Absolutely none. No wages, no right to appeal or to strike, to talk back, to argue. No right to do anything except what the master wants. This bond servant could be disposed of as the master pleased. That's what God wanted Moses.

That's why he's saying, Lord, I don't think I want this job. But God wasn't giving him an option. He had to go. And he got the Lord stirred up a little bit there. So the bond servant is in that position.

Jesus was a bond servant. He came down. He had no rights. He yielded up his rights. When he left the throne of heaven and he came down. And this is one thing that's hard for us to understand. How or why God would do that.

We see how he did it. We don't understand why he would do that. And the only thing we come up with is he must really love us. And when we come to that conclusion, then if he loved us that much, then I'm going to love him.

And many people say they love him, but they don't live like it. And there's the difference. Now, the bond servant, no rights, no home. Jesus had no home, no personal selfish ambitions for self. That's why his life was so beautiful.

That's why his life was so attractive. There was just no selfishness in his life. Now, you begin to see what a servant is. If we're going to be a bond servant, we're going to be like Jesus. And we say, oh, getting a little rough already.

This is just introductory. Now, number two. Number one, I wanted to just tell you the difference between the servants. Number two, our position, when we identify with Christ, and we say that we're a follower of Jesus, is to be the position of a bond servant.

Philippians 2, 6 -7 describes the bond servant that Jesus was. Let me read you this passage. In verse 6, Christ, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation, leave your reputation behind, and took upon him the form of a servant.

His appearance was that of a servant. Took upon himself the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men. And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even the death of the crops.

Several things that are characteristic of the bond servant. He has humility and obedience, the main ingredients. He is humble and he's obedient. Jesus humbled himself to the point of the crops, and he was obedient.

Obedient to the Father's will, and also even obedient to the desires of men. You notice in the Gospels, he did those things that were requested of him. He would go and heal and minister as they were requested, even to the point where they didn't even have time to eat or sleep.

They were so busy. Just whatever man needed. Amazing thing that God would even do this. Jesus was willing to be emptied of his glory. When he left heaven, we talk about what did he do. He actually laid aside his rights, the glory that he had as God, and he appeared to us as a man.

But he lived like God, because he was God. He couldn't cease to do that. Laid aside his rights then. Willing to be treated as the Father willed and as others will. And here's something about Jesus that gives us a clue into a servant's heart.

And that is, Jesus was goal-oriented. A servant will be goal-oriented. He just didn't live in a haphazard way. He was goal-oriented. He said in Luke 19 .10,. For the Son of Man is come to seek and to save the lost.

He was serving with a purpose in mind. To seek and to save you and I, to save us from going to hell. The bottom line. Let me read you a verse in Matthew 20. In verse 28, he says,. Even as the Son of Man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister and to give his life a ransom for many.

As he served, he had a goal that he was heading for. Luke 22 .27 says,. For whether it is greater, he that sitteth at me, or he that serveth, is not he that sitteth at me, but I am among you as he that serveth.

He was serving men so that he could save men. Now, will we be a servant of Jesus? Will we serve men so that we can save men? Giving up our rights. Many times at work with the unsaved, they will push us to the end and then over the cliff if they can.

And it takes much wisdom from the Spirit of God to show us how far do we bend. How far do we let them use us? How far? And that's a ticklish thing. Because many times, God may want us to go all the way to the cross and let them crucify us.

But the Spirit of God has to give us wisdom. And that's why we're going through this passage. If we're gonna serve Christ, then we need to know some things about this servant. Then, the third thing to introduce this, the difference between, excuse me, I did that.

Where'd it go? Our service to Christ. Here it is. Our service to Christ will be expressed in our service to others. This is the only way that we can serve the Lord in our service to others. This has been a sobering thought.

Serving Christ Through Serving Others

You remember the Good Samaritan illustration? We all know that. The religious guys were not servants of God. They were serving self. The Levi and the priests, they went by. But the Samaritan was serving God when he helped that man.

Now, let me read you another statement by Roy Hessen. An unwillingness to serve others in costly, humbling ways, he takes to be an unwillingness to serve Him. And we thus put ourselves out of fellowship with Him.

I never thought about it. If I refuse to serve, and many times, demands have been made upon me which I've refused, and maybe I will still refuse more. I have not used some illustrations in the past of how we have been abused, Vicki and I in the ministry, in our 10 years of ministry, because I would not want you to feel bad if you wanted to use us.

We want you to use us. If you abuse us, then we'll leave that up to God to take care of you. I don't think you will. But as we look back, many times we were abused. Now, the point of us being abused is of no consequence.

The point is, how did we react when we were abused? Did I complain? Which many times I did. This is what God has shown me, the disposition of the servant. He has no right to complain. If God is sovereign, and God is my Lord, and He is my Master, and I believe that He's direct in my life, that nothing enters my life that He doesn't allow, then I've come to realize that when I complain, because that guy borrowed my car and I didn't get it back for over a year.

Matter of fact, he didn't borrow it, he bought it. But I never got any money, and everything. And to complain. Well, maybe, you know, the guy, I said some things, and I gave him a long time. Actually, I went back and got my car because one of my men in my church made me go back, because he realized we were abused so bad in that situation, the guy just stole our car.

But the point is, when we serve others and they bend us, I believe that there's a certain point where God wants us to say, that's it, you stop. But our attitude has to remain that one of humility, where we're serving Christ and we're willing to be used, even abused.

So, an unwillingness to serve others is an unwillingness to serve Him. Now, five marks of the bond servant. I want you to turn to Luke 17, 5 -10. When we go through the life of Moses, you go ahead and turn, I'm gonna preach while you're turning.

When we go through the life of Moses, we're going to see Christ. We're gonna see Christ. Now, look here. Here's an amazing passage, one that I did not understand until this week, in connection with two things put together.

You'll see what I'm talking about. Luke 17, look at verse 5, verses 5 -10. Okay? And the apostle said unto the Lord, increase our faith. And the Lord said, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you might say unto this sycamine tree, be thou plucked up by the root and be thou planted in the seed and it should obey you.

Mark that word obey, okay? But which of you having a servant plowing or feeding cattle was saying to him, by and by, when he has come from the field, go and sit down to meet. But will not rather say unto him, make ready wherewith I may sup and gird thyself and serve me till I have eaten and drunken and afterward thou shalt eat and drink.

Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I say not. So likewise you, when you have done all those things which are commanded you, say, we are unprofitable servants.

We have done that which was our duty. And underline that one. To do. We have done that which was our duty. Obey and duty. Now, have you ever tried to figure out what this little story about the slave has to do with this sycamine tree and the faith of, you got enough faith it'll be plucked up by the roots?

Have you ever put that together? I never put it together. Never could put that together. What the Lord, they said, Lord increase our faith and he talks to them about being a servant. Have you ever figured that out?

He said, Lord, increase our faith and he said, if you had the faith, you know, as a grain of mustard seed, you just say to this sycamine tree, be thou plucked up and it'd jump up out of the ground. You know?

I'm sure a lot of the, down south, the stump pullers, those guys that get the stumps out, they got to clear all their land that they farm down there mostly, down where I was. You know, they sure like that one.

Because they got to get big dozers to get those things out or dynamite. But he says, if you had that kind of faith, it would just obey you. Then he goes into the servant. What's the connection? I never noticed this, but I don't know whether to tell you now or later.

Maybe I ought to tell you later and then you won't leave. But if I tell you later, I might forget. The connection has to do with the power that we have. In verse six, he said, you, and he's teaching them, they had this type of power.

He's teaching them the life of faith. You're going to have this tremendous life of power. You're going to be able to do things. As a child of God, you're going to have all kinds of power. And then he goes into the servant.

You know why he went into the servant? But I don't want you to get proud. The subject is the servant cannot get proud or he will cease to serve the master. I think that's the whole point of this passage.

You can argue with me on that if you want. I might change my mind. You might have a better idea. But I think that's what he's teaching. Now, first mark of a bond servant from this passage, because Jesus goes into the typical scene.

The guy's got his guy out there in the field. He's working. He comes in, he's all hot and sweaty and tired. Man, he's been behind this mule all day. Oh man, he wants a nice hot shower. So then I give him a big glass of iced tea.

But the master says, go fix me some supper. Oh man, he goes in there and fixes the guy a sweaty supper. And he comes out and serves his supper. And after he's done with the supper, then he can eat. Then when he's done, guess what he's got to do?

Right, he's got to put the dishes in the dishwasher. Except you know, they didn't have a dishwasher. He's got to go down to the creek and get the water and come back up. The servant, the servant, that's it.

The servant just does what his master says and he doesn't kick back. Now, these five things quickly. He must be willing to have one thing after another piled on him. Now, what was Moses fixing to do? Moses was fixing to get one thing after another piled on him.

He's going to lead two to three million people out of Egypt into the promised land via the desert for 40 years. But he's going to have complaint after complaint after complaint, demand after demand after demand put on him.

And God is crucifying Moses at the cross. If we die at the cross and we stay dead, when we serve, we don't complain. And we just have one thing after another piled on us. And when we come out and if we do complain and self comes out and we get mad or we get angry, we react, then we got to go back to the cross and die again.

We've moved out of the servant form as Jesus had. One thing after another. And even in Numbers chapter 11, we're going to see, well, finally, He just says, Lord, I've had it! These guys are complaining so much.

And you know what? The Lord agreed with them. I've about had it too. And so they teamed up together and they went after Him. But it showed us that even as a servant, there were points to where He was about driven to the end of Himself.

But He had 40 years of bellyaching out there as He served. And so He says, if you're going to be a servant and Jesus taught the principle of a servant, you've got to let one thing after another be piled on you and you just do it.

Well, one of the things that I appreciate about being a servant of my Master is that He has told me that He will not let anything enter my life that He doesn't screen out first. You look at the life of Job.

1 Corinthians 10 .13, no trial or test or temptation is going to enter your life that He's not going to screen and measure out just so much that you can take. If the servant complains, it means he complains against his Master, even as it's all been piled up.

Serving Without Recognition or Thanks

Now, the second thing, he must be willing to serve without being thanked for it. Did you notice that Jesus said, does he thank that servant? No. Have you ever done something and you didn't get thanked?

And you got a little bit riffled about it? Huh? Do you know why we get riffled and we get a little upset and we get all puffed up? Because we are not serving our Master, we're serving ourself. If you can do something and not be thanked and it doesn't bother you at all, this is why the Bible says, whatever you do in word or deed, do all to the glory of God.

We're doing so much for ourself. This is why we get offended, we get upset and things. You must be willing to serve without being thanked. You know, Moses served an ungrateful group. They were not grateful.

They had their food all laid out every morning for them, their water come out of a rock, you know. Forty years. Many times, you're going to work with people or serve people that are ungrateful. So did Jesus.

And so did Jesus. I wonder how many times, you remember the ten lepers? Only one come back, but he notices that. He notices that. How many times did Jesus do something and people just probably took off, you know.

A new set of knees and they take off and never gave them things. This is the way that we will serve. We will share Christ with people that will be ungrateful. We will serve other Christians in humility and they will be ungrateful.

But we just do it because we're serving Him. And then another thing, a third thing. He must not charge the one he serves with selfishness. Was the master selfish? Huh? Was the master selfish in the illustration?

Think about it. He could have had a little consideration, wouldn't you think? At least let the guy get a shower. You know, maybe rest up. Was he inconsiderate? No. That's the prerogative of the master.

He allows to enter his servant's life whatever he wants. And the servant just takes it. Yes, sir. Glad to serve you. She's glad to serve you. The principle here is that the servant exists solely to serve the interest of his master.

When the Lord allows things to come into my life and I get mad about it or upset, I'm not serving my master anymore. I'm serving self. And self produces the fruit of self. The servant exists solely to serve the interest of his master.

Have you ever experienced this? Have you ever encountered somebody and they come into your house or they bump into your car or something and you jump out or jump over and you say, that's okay. That's fine.

And you're just fine. That's all right. It'll clean up. You know, it's just an ink spot on my nice new white carpet. You know, that's alright. But on the inside, you're just, argh! Boy, why aren't you more careful?

You know? You ever done that? Would you like to share your inner thoughts on those things? You know what? That's what Jesus is talking about here. We've got to watch that we don't serve with the outward actions, but we also have the heart on the inside to go with the outward actions because you know what we are?

You're right. We're a hypocrite. Boy, this servant stuff gets a little rough, doesn't it? Must not charge the one he serves with selfishness. Serving the selfishness of others without complaint reveals the servant heart of Christ through your life.

I don't have time to do it, but I'd like to take you through the verses that show you how the verses in Scripture tell us that the heart, the heart of the servant is so important. I was looking at 1 Colossians 3 .22, I think it was.

Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service, this hour type stuff, as men pleaders, but in singleness of heart, fearing God. In other Scriptures, talk about the heart, Titus 2 .9, serving the selfishness of others without our heart, our interactions.

Oh boy! You know, they say, would you do this for me? And you say, oh sure, I'd love to do it. But as you're going to do it, why don't you get somebody else? Man! You know? That's what Christ is talking about.

The servant keeps his heart right. We say, for the Lord Jesus, I will do it in our heart. Lord, I don't want to do it, but for you, I will do it. And I'm glad to do it. And we go do it. Self has to die continually as a servant.

The servant just has to die all the time. Then a fourth thing, he must confess, now notice this, from this Luke passage, after he's done all of that, did you catch what Jesus said he's supposed to do?

Humility, Unworthiness, and the Bond Servant’s Duty

When he's done in verse 10? He says, so likewise you, when you've done all of those things that were commanded you, say, we are unprofitable servants. We have done that, which is our duty to do. After that servant worked all day, plowing behind that old stinking mill, out in that hot field with all those flies, you know, all that stuff, then he comes in and has to fix the mill.

Then the Lord says, number four, he must confess that he is only an unprofitable servant. And that's the reason that I think that this passage is talking about pride. The servant in pride. I think that's the thing that ties this together with the sycamine tree and the servant.

Because the servant might say, boy, I'm a pretty good guy. I worked all day. Did a lot for my master. And he gets carried away with himself with what he's done. Pride of accomplishment. Have you ever patted yourself on the back after you did something?

This is what destroys churches. If somebody does something and nobody pats them on the back, they get all mad and huffed up. Well, I'm not going to teach that class anymore. They didn't even acknowledge all the time I put in.

They were doing it for self. Pride of accomplishment. This is why the Lord says you're going to have tremendous power as a Christian. And you're going to be a son of God. You're going to be the child of the king, but you're going to have to live like a slave.

And you're going to have the power of God in your life, and you're going to have all the privileges of a king, but you're going to have to live like a slave in order to accomplish what I want you to do.

And I don't want you to get all carried away with yourself. So after you've done something, just say, I'm just an unprofitable servant. I've only done that which is my duty to do. It's just my duty to serve the Lord.

Boy, this servant stuff gets a little deep, doesn't it? A little rough on the pride too. Paul said, In my flesh there dwelleth no good thing. I like this story. I told you this a while back. I don't know, last year or so.

Maybe even a couple of times. George Washington came up on a scene. He was on his horse, and there was a lieutenant there yelling at his men. They were trying to move this log. Do you remember that one?

And he comes up and he says, What's the matter? And the lieutenant said, Well, we're having trouble getting this log moved over here. And George Washington said, Well, why don't you help him out? And the lieutenant did not know who that was.

He didn't know that was George Washington, the general. He said, Sir, I am a lieutenant, an officer in the army. In other words, it's beneath my dignity to get down and help these soldiers. And then George Washington, he just quietly got off his horse, went over there and helped the men get the log pushed over.

Then he got back on his horse, and he told the lieutenant, Next time, lieutenant, you need some help. Your men need some help getting something done. Just send for your commander in chief. And he rode off.

You see, that's the servant heart. George Washington was the general. He became the president because he had the servant heart. Didn't Jesus say, He that would be the greatest among you would be the one that seems like the least.

That's it. That's it. We have the power and position of a king, but the form of a servant. That's just what Jesus was. He was God, but he was in the form of a servant. Fifth one. He must serve and bear his load with meekness and humility, and then only confess he has only done his duty.

It is only our duty. Whatever he wants us to do, it's our duty to do it. We have no rights as a bond servant. No right to complain. No right to appeal. No rights. We use all our rights at the cross, and that's what God is doing to Moses, and that's why Moses is squirming so much at the burning bush.

Because all of his rights are being stripped away from him, and all that's left is just a servant. But as God strips him of self and his rights, Moses emerges, what? One of the greatest men that ever walked on this earth outside of Christ.

Moses’ Refusal and the Call to Allegiance

Lord, send someone else. That was the voice of treason, wasn't it? Lord, send someone else. That's the voice of weak allegiance. It's the voice of a traitor. What if the Lord asks you to do something today that you don't want to do?

You say, Lord, get somebody else. It's the same voice. The bond servant doesn't have that right. So that's why I said, are you willing to be a servant of Christ? Pretty heavy. Because he might ask us to do something that is utterly humiliating.

As I prayed last night, I think it was, I prayed, Lord, I'm not willing to be a fool. Many times I need to speak out for Christ, but I make myself look like a fool. And I'm saying I'm not willing to die.