What Is Your Hearts Desire — James Jennings

Why? Because he was just converted in the last year. And that's what happens, you get saved, and these psalms, they mean something to you. Because the lyrics are so weighty, so full of acknowledging truths about God.

It just makes your hope in heaven, in Christ. Well, Romans 10, we're going to consider something Paul says in 10 and in chapter 9. But primarily, I want to consider Romans 10 .1. Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they be safe.

Paul's Burden for the Salvation of His Relatives

Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be safe. Paul is revealing to us what's going on in his heart. Right? He's putting it out there. He's letting you know his heart's desires.

He's letting you know the longings of his soul. Right here at this point, the heart obviously is not talking about the organ. Kind of right back to Jeff's 10 a .m. message if you were here. The heart is this place, the center of function of the soul and the spirit and the emotional life of a man.

Where desires come forth, thoughts come forth in the heart. And he also expresses his heart's desire in chapter 9, verse 1. I'm speaking the truth in Christ. You see, he's given a testimony here. I'm not lying.

So some people might assume he would be lying with what he was just about to say. I'm not lying. My conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.

Why? Why? I could wish, for I could wish, that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. In both of these verses, Paul reveals his heart.

You know what? Here we are in a week of prayer and fasting. And here we were on Wednesday night. Many of you were bearing the desires of your heart publicly. Some of you prayed it, and some of you maybe didn't get to share anything.

But you expressed, like Paul in a way, what's going on inside. What is the longing of your soul? And you can see here for Paul, the big priority right here is none other than people's salvation. Right?

It tops the list. And if you go look at 20 plus prayers that Paul made in the New Testament, those prayers were primarily for people who were already saved. And for their growth, that they might make it to the end, to final salvation.

I mean, that's what Paul said in Philippians. Right? Why will I remain? It's far more necessary on your account. For your progress in the faith. I mean, Paul's all about people getting in the race and people getting into the race.

That's how he prayed. He had the major thing that matters. Eternity. That was the thing before him. And I think we should really ask ourselves, what goes on in our heart? What is your heart's desire? What's going on in the heart?

We should definitely ask that during this week of prayer and fasting. Am I praying for the right matters? And then even when I'm praying for a certain matter, is my heart really in it or not? I mean, Paul here has to make a statement that I'm not lying.

Meaning, you could make a statement that you're radically wanting to see certain people converted and it be a lie. And not really be real. But Paul here appeals to the Holy Spirit. That his conscience is clear in that statement.

I think 1 John 5, it says, Whenever we ask anything according to His will, according to His will, He hears us. He hears us. Is what I'm asking according to God's will? Are my desires in sync with God's desires?

Is that what's been happening in me this week as I'm praying? As I'm looking at what to call upon the Lord for? Not just this week, but our whole lives. So for the believer, this leads to the question, I mean, how well is your heart guarded?

Right? How well your heart is guarded, if out of it flows the things of life, like what you pray for, if the heart is unguarded, if sin creeps in, if hardness creeps in, it's going to affect your prayer life.

I mean, look at, Paul says, My heart's desire, in Romans 10, and prayer, to God. His desire goes hand in hand with what he's praying for. What he's asking of the Lord for. The guarded heart loves what God loves and takes pleasure in what is pleasing to Him, and then we pray accordingly.

It even reminds you of Jesus' words in Matthew 12, Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Right? You know how you ask someone a question and they say something and later they say, well, I didn't really mean that.

I mean, that's the verse you counter with. You tell them, no, you did mean it. Because the Bible says, Out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth spoke. Just you spoke something and now you realize it was not the right thing and so you're wanting to defend yourself and say, well, I didn't really mean that.

What's your desire? Is it things that are trivial? Or is it things that are eternal? Eternal. Paul had such an eternal perspective here in these passages. And so I hope that Paul's desires that you see here will challenge your own soul.

It challenges me. Can I honestly say what Paul says in Romans 9? I can't. I mean, I could quote the verse. I don't have unceasing anguish. I don't have great sorrow in my heart. I don't feel that. I want that.

But I can't say that's right there right now in my soul to the degree that I would want it. It's not. But I'm not content. We shouldn't be content. We shouldn't be content with what's going on in the heart.

We should want to have greater and greater longings that are in sync with the living God. I want to think about Romans 10 .1. And the first thing I want to think about is this. Who is Paul talking about in both of these verses?

Because that will help us more understand his burden. And then we're going to think of how this can be comparable to a certain people group in our own lives who we are praying for. So, who are these people?

Israel as Paul’s Kinsmen According to the Flesh

Romans 9. If you look at v. 3, he says, I wish I could be cut off from Christ. I could wish for who? The sake of my brothers. And lest you think that means brothers and sisters in Christ, he goes on to clarify, my kinsmen or relatives is how that could be worded according to the flesh.

And he says, they are the Israelites. To them belong the adoption, the glory, the covenants, the giving of the law, the worship, the promises. To them belong the patriarchs. And from their very race, according to the flesh, is Christ, who is God.

Over all, blessed forever. Amen. So, clearly right here, it's his relatives, his physical Jews. The physical Jews. A people who he is a part of. And I'm going to use the word relative. His relatives. Because I want you to think about your own relatives in your own life, in your own people, so to speak.

Because that's part of what Paul's burden is here. His kinsmen. And then you go over to chapter 10. If you look right above, he's continued in Romans 9 talking about how God's Word has not failed in His promises to Israel.

And verse 10 -1, same thing. My heart's desire and prayer to God for them. He's just mentioned in verse 31, Israel, who pursued a law that would lead to righteousness, did not exceed in reaching that law.

So he's thinking about the Jews. He's thinking about the Jews. His people. His relatives. Now let's think, were these people like any other people on the earth? Are these people just kind of the random atheists that you meet on the college campus?

No. These people were different than every people group in the world. Because as Paul said in Romans 9, from their very race came the Lord Jesus Christ. These people had the law. They had the covenants.

They had the patriarchs. They had all the history. They had more light than anyone who had ever lived. Look, our kids have a lot of light. More than most people who walk on this earth. But here are these Jews.

They had a lot of light. He just said in 10 -2, he goes on to say, for I bear them witness. What about them? That they don't care about God? No, no, no. He says that they have a zeal for God. So Paul's relatives are zealous for God, but not according to knowledge.

What do you mean, Paul? Verse 3, they're ignorant of the righteousness of God. They're ignorant of how a man can be right with God, and they're seeking to establish their own righteousness, and they're not submitting to God's way.

Verse 4, because Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes. Paul's saying that my relatives are trying to be saved by their own works. They're trying to be right with God by their works.

I was just like that one time. I was trying to do that. They're zealous for God, but their knowledge of God is not according to the Word of God. And think about Paul's relatives. The Pharisees specifically.

What were some of the things the Pharisees did? Their zeal affected what part of their lives? What's some of the parts? Say again. Yeah, they fasted twice a week. They prayed long prayers. They even did it publicly.

It affected how they dressed. Yeah, they tithed. And get this, they didn't just tithe. They tithed the mint that grew in their gardens. They would go out to their garden, and they would take the exact amount of mint plant, and they would take that and they would tithe that.

They were that specific. They made very, very radical vows. You know, someone says, well, someone's scared of making a real commitment. You know what? These guys, his relatives, they're ready to make the commitment.

And they even traveled land and sea to evangelize others. They had a missionary zeal for what they believed in. They were even interested in church history. In Matthew 23, Jesus says they talked about the days of their fathers.

So they knew church history. Their dress was changed. They had long prayers. They evangelized everywhere. They made vows. They tithed even down to the mint in their garden. They were zealous for God. And they were headed for hell.

Incredible. Some people would be shocked to think that you could have all of those works and be going to hell. But friend, if you know the Gospel, you know instantly you can have mighty works. You can cast out demons.

You can speak in tons. You can prophesy according to Jesus' words in Matthew 7 and not know Christ and end up in hell. The Jews, they were saturated with truth. But his relatives, they had a problem. They misinterpreted the Bible.

That was a big problem of theirs. They thought certain things in the Old Testament meant something that they really didn't and they missed seeing the fulfillment that the shadow was pointing to. They misinterpreted the Bible.

They were a people who were stumbling over Christ. Look at his words there in v. 32 of chapter 9. He's talking about his relatives, the kinsmen, the Jews. He said they didn't pursue this righteousness by faith, but they pursued it as if they could get it based on works.

They stumbled over the stumbling stone. As it is written, Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling and a rock of offense, and whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame. They would hear Christ being preached from Paul.

They would hear about the Lord Jesus, and it just didn't make sense to them. It was foolish to them because they were perishing. And they'd trip over Christ. They'd trip over the truth to their damnation.

They were unwilling to submit to God's way. If you're going to make it to heaven by keeping the law, you've got to start without sin. You've got to never sin. You've got to live perfectly righteous, and there's only one man who's done that, the perfect Lord Jesus Christ.

And to get to heaven, you need His righteousness, and you get that by faith. Romans 4 -5, To the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted for that righteousness.

You trust Christ. He takes His grade of 100. He puts it on your papers. You're right before God based on that imputed righteousness. Romans 5 -19, it says, Through one man's disobedience to many were made sinners.

What's it say next? Through one man's obedience to many will be made righteous. That's our hope. Christ. And think of this. Paul's relatives even, they sought to extinguish the very light of the world who came among their own people who was from their own people.

They were spearheading this effort to put the light out. They wanted Him dead. They wanted Christ dead. These are Paul's relatives. And these people hated Paul. Paul's relatives hated him. 2 Corinthians 11, Paul says, Five times I received at the hands of the Jews forty lashes, lest one.

So 39 lashes. Five times. They took his clothes off, tied him up to a pillar, and took that scourge that has three big metal hooks on it, most of them did, and the first third of those they would do on the front of the body.

And then they'd turn him around and on his back, the rest of the lashings would fall upon Paul. That happened five times. Five times. He received at least, according to that, 195. 195 of those lashings.

And if the scourge they used had three hooks like was common historically, that meant Paul had 585 scars on his body from those pieces of metal ripping across his flesh. Front and back of his body. Jesus said this would happen.

That you would be subjected to the synagogue's discipline. Matthew 10, 17, Beware of men, for they will deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synagogues. There you go. Paul probably found great comfort in that text.

Right? You're there getting flogged. And you're remembering Jesus said this would happen. Yeah, Jesus said this is going to happen. Not just once, Paul. Five times. That's hard to imagine. If they had an actual video of that happening, and we put that on the screen this morning, I can imagine we'd be in tears and agony.

And an absolute encouragement to see Paul sustain that and not deny Christ. So, and get this, historians say that while they would be scourging you, they would be quoting to him. An attendant would be standing there quoting from Deuteronomy and repeating two verses again and again and again.

Listen to these two verses. Deuteronomy 28, 58. So there he's getting beaten. And they're saying, if you are not careful to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, the Lord your God, then the Lord will bring on you and your offspring extraordinary afflictions, afflictions severe and lasting, sickness grievous and lasting.

So they'd be quoting that. They'd say again and again and again. Now, it's interesting, they're quoting to Paul saying that your afflictions will be severe and lasting. Well, what's actually true of Paul?

What did John just say in the Lord's Supper? What did Paul say about his afflictions? Light and momentary compared to an eternal way to glory. So Paul's there hearing something from the Old Testament about severe affliction and no doubt he's thinking about, well, this is light and momentary compared to that eternal way to glory that's waiting for me.

And then get this, Paul in Galatians, what does he do? He actually quotes that exact same text to tell the Jews for not keeping the law perfectly, they're under a curse. Because they haven't kept it perfectly.

They didn't begin without sin and they didn't end without sin. And so Paul quotes that verse to them in Galatians 3 to tell them you're actually cursed. Incredible. So this might in some aspects, especially the non-violent aspects, sound like some of your own relatives.

Religious, dedicated, zealous. But when you ask them why are you going to heaven? It's interesting. How do they answer? I'm a good person. I go to church. Or even if someone told me recently, well, I'm going to heaven because I said the prayer to trust Christ.

And then I have to clarify with them. Wait, are you saying you're going to heaven because you did a prayer? Or are you saying you're going to heaven because Christ died as your substitute? There's a big difference.

A lot of people are looking to a prayer they did ten years ago and thinking, that's why I'm saved. I prayed. That's a cursed thing to trust in. I'm going to heaven not because I prayed, but because Christ died for me.

That's my hope. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name. Jesus even said in Matthew 10 .36, and a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Oh, Paul found that out fast.

Right? You get converted. The Jews, they want you dead. They're lashing you. They're beating you. Do we know if any were specifically immediate family or not? No, but he used to be one of them. He used to be zealous for them.

And now here they are. They're enemy. So that's some about Paul's relatives. These are the people who Paul... Think of this. His enemies. And these are the people Paul says, I could wish to be cut off from Christ that they might be saved.

Do you love your enemies like that? These are the people who Paul is saying, brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them, my enemies, people exposed to so much truth, is that they might be saved.

Paul's praying for them. He doesn't want them to go to hell. He doesn't want them to perish. Now, next question. Okay, that's his relatives, but why does Paul feel the need to declare his heart's desires in these two places?

Why would you even need to say that? Is it not obvious that you love the Jews? No, no, no. He needs to affirm his love to his relatives. Look what he just said in Romans 9 .6. Look what he's even defending there.

But it is not as though the Word of God has failed. If you're a Jew and you're seeing all these Gentiles being saved and you're seeing Paul preaching Christ, no doubt many of the Jews are looking at Paul and thinking you're calling God a liar.

Because we're the people. See, they're misinterpreting the Bible. And so Paul here, he's got to reaffirm, I don't hate you guys. And I'm not actually calling God a liar. I'm actually rightly interpreting the truth of His Word.

Here, Paul is going out to the Gentiles. He's not separating from the Gentiles. Here, as we heard last week, Paul is now preaching the faith that he once tried to destroy. Imagine you do such a reversal, right?

You're going this day preaching this, and then the next day you're preaching the opposite. People are going to think, do you hate us? Do you hate this people? Paul's the one who said in Philippians 3 .8, he counted all of his Jewishness as rubbish compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus.

Man, if you're a Jew and you hear Paul say when I was born and all these things, it's dung. It's rubbish compared to knowing Christ. It's pretty offensive. It's pretty offensive. Does he hate his people?

No. But people taking a stand for the truth tend to get accused of hate. I mean, look, you go tell a homosexual your homosexuality is sin, what's the automatic response? Oh, you hate homosexuals. No, not at all.

The reason they're even telling the homosexual that is because they love them. And they love them more than other people who aren't going to have the guts to tell them the truth. Same thing. I've seen it in marriages.

The spouse gets saved, and there's such a radical change through regeneration that the spouse is now saying, what, do you hate me? You're going to church. You're making that more important. Look, did Jesus say you must hate your father and mother, your wife and children?

You cannot be My disciple? He did. So in a sense, that spouse should see such a change in you where they think you hate them. At the same time, they should see you loving them as Christ loved the church, because that's what the husband is commanded to do.

The spouse should actually say, no, I don't hate you. I'm not against you. I actually am now loving you for the first time in a real genuine way according to God's standards. So again, the Jews are seeking to kill Paul.

As one said, it's like Paul is running from them trying to kill him, and he's looking over his shoulder and he's saying, I'm praying God would save you. That's incredible. And he's not just saying this because it's the right thing to do.

He testifies to the Holy Spirit that he's actually arrived at this point in his life as a Christian where he can genuinely have any type of desire similar to the substitutionary sacrifice of Jesus Christ, where he can know that true love is to lay your life down for a friend.

And Paul has that grip. If I could, if this was possible, though it is not, I wish they could be saved with this degree of love and longing in my heart. And he says, my heart's desire for them. My heart's desire.

The literal, it renders it this way. The pleasure indeed of my heart. What's the pleasure of your heart? What do you take pleasure in? Paul's telling us what he takes pleasure in. I have pleasure if my enemies who hate me, who had so much truth, they're self-righteously trying to save themselves, I would have so much pleasure in seeing them converted.

It's amazing. And the intensity of this desire that Paul has. And what we take pleasure in is what you love. And love is the driving force behind Paul's actions, right? That's the driving force. And the thing is, the heart is complex.

Right? The heart of man is complex. The soul of a man. Let's just think about the heart. As you think about your own heart, in the very beginning, talking about those who are lost, what does it say about their hearts in Genesis 6?

Yeah, every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. Incredible. Every thought was evil. We can say things in our heart, in our soul. Romans 10 .6, he says, but the righteousness based on faith says do not say in your heart.

You say things in your heart. You're at a prayer meeting and you're speaking to yourself. There's meditations in your soul, in your spirit, in your emotion. What are you saying to yourself? What's going on?

We imagine things in the heart. 1 Corinthians 2 .9 says, Jesus can discern your heart. The disciples, they were arguing about who's going to be the greatest, and Jesus had the discernment to know the reasonings of their heart and perceive exactly what they were thinking and that their motive was wrong.

God knows our heart. The Pharisee was trying to justify himself before God based on his works. And Luke and Jesus says there, God knows your hearts. God tests our heart. Listen to this. 2 Timothy 2 .22 With those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Were we calling upon the Lord on Wednesday night with a pure heart? Were you? If you prayed. Why does He even say we should come to the prayer meeting and call upon the Lord with a pure heart? That implies the opposite, which is what?

You could call upon the Lord with a heart that is not pure. Even in the Sunday School or in the reading, Jeff pointed out, what did it say happened to Ananias and Sapphira? Satan filled their heart to lie to the Holy Spirit.

Just like that, something can happen and your heart gets filled with something that is not according to God. It's not according to His lawnings. It's sin itself. One day, our heart's motives will be revealed.

1 Corinthians 14 .25 The secrets of our heart, they're going to be disclosed. God works in our heart. Paul talks about the Thessalonians. We are to purify our hearts. James 4 .8 Purify your hearts. You're double-minded.

Isn't that interesting? You're praying for something. You're thinking about something. But there's this double-mindedness. There's a lack of faith, a lack of trust in the Lord. And he's saying there, purify the heart.

Renew the heart and the mind with the truth of the Word of God to think correctly, to be in line with what is honoring to God. He says later in James 5, we can fatten our heart. It says you've lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence.

You've fattened your hearts in the day of slaughter. Is my heart getting fat through self? Is the sensitivity getting eroded because of self, of grieving the Spirit, of different things? The Lord searches the heart.

Revelation 2 I am He who searches the mind and heart, and I will give to each of you according to your works. And does the Bible ever say that we should ask God to search our hearts? Now, where does it say that?

Yeah, Psalm 139. Search me, O God. Know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts. Know my thoughts. With all these complexities of the heart, with the ability for the heart to be filled, to speak from the heart, for the heart to be fattened, God knowing the heart, for the heart to have like the disciples had, some pride come in with what you're asking for, is not according to God's will about who's going to be the greatest.

With all of that complexity, here we have Paul saying something and he fully, really means it to the max extent. And it's incredible. Like, think of this. You and I could actually get to the point to say something like Paul and it'd be genuinely real.

That's amazing. To have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. And to have a clear conscience when we make that statement. And the people he makes this statement for are his enemies. Those who beat him.

Those who he has the 500 plus scars on his body. Paul does not wish his enemies just to go to hell. He's not writing them off. He doesn't secretly delight in them perishing. He has a missionary zeal for them.

It's incredible. Okay, what is the foundation for right desires? We're thinking about the heart. We're thinking about what you long for and desire. And you're seeing Paul testify about what's going on in his heart.

What's the first foundation that's required in order for someone to have desires like this? Yeah, born again. If you're not born again, if you're still dead in your trespasses and sins, you have to be regenerated.

Romans 6 .17 says, but thanks be to God that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which was committed unto you. Right? So there is a heart now that is obedient to the things of God.

Regeneration and a Clear Conscience as Foundations for Prayer

Before we're saved, what type of heart do we have? Where does it talk about the unconverted person's heart? Okay, heart of stone? Yeah, desperately wicked. Jeremiah 17 .9. A verse often misquoted to be that of the Christian's heart, but it's actually referring to the lost.

Jeremiah 17 .9, the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick. Who can understand it? Right? I mean, you're lost. You're in darkness. You cannot understand. Acts 15, it says we've cleansed our hearts by faith.

Luke 8 .15 says, hold fast the Word in an honest and good heart and bear fruit with patience. Hebrews 10 .16, the Lord will put His laws in your heart. He will write them on your minds. And then He gives us the Spirit.

Romans 8 .26 says the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses so that we pray. So the regenerated person is weak. We don't know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit is interceding for us with groanings too deep for words.

I mean, it's amazing what happens. When God saves you, you've got desires you did not have before. You're new. And you've got desires for people who are lost and a burden for them in a way you never had it before.

You couldn't comprehend it before. It didn't mean everything to you. Heaven and hell was not that big of a deal. The second foundation for right desires apart from being born again, us who are born again, we need to have a clear conscience.

We need to have a clear conscience. Paul says, my conscience bears witness in the Holy Spirit. He's showing us, he's making a statement where that judge within sight of himself is not condemning him and accusing him when he's saying it and saying, oh, you're not being genuine, Paul.

The conscience is affirming. Say it. That's right. God's gotten you to that point. And Paul says it genuinely. And this is a radical statement. Who's someone in the Bible who made a radical statement and clearly did not mean it?

Peter. What did Peter say? I will never deny you. Right? Who doesn't want a devoted follower like that? Who says, I'll never leave you nor forsake you. Peter said, I'll never deny you. What did Peter do?

He denied Christ three times. Right? People can make radical statements, and it really not be of God. And so, if I'm walking with Christ, my conscience is clear. It's not seared. There's a sensitivity to the Lord.

The Lord could get me to a point where there is that type of burden for the lost and it's actually genuine. It's not just me quoting Paul. It's actually real in my heart, real in my soul. Now, let's consider the extent and depth of Paul's desire.

Paul’s Desire to Sacrifice Himself for His Enemies

What extent does he go to for his desire for his enemies and relatives and his family to be converted? What is that extent? Romans 9. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers.

Now that can mean one of three things. There's three primary interpretations of what Paul means there. Number one, which I don't think is it, is they're saying he was willing to suffer the utmost misery in order for them to be saved.

Meaning he's willing to greatly suffer for them to be saved. Get martyred if he has to. The second view is Paul is speaking of the past. If you read the verse in the literal, it could kind of make it sound like he's saying in the past, he wished he could be accursed from Christ, meaning he hated Christ and he's just like them.

But if you look at it, you look at the Word, you study it, and you look at how that Word accursed is used, some people will take the word accursed and they'll downplay it. But Craig was right months ago to point out in Galatians 1, it's the same word.

When Paul wishes that those people who preach a false gospel be accursed, he's not talking about them being put out of the church. He's talking about damnation. And the same thing here. And he doesn't just say cut off and suffer much.

He says cut off from Christ. Cut off from Christ. Paul is wishing for something that is impossible, but there's a desire in his heart that he could go to hell in their place. And what was the very thing he just contemplated prior to this statement?

What did he just think about in Romans 8 at the end of Romans 8? Look at these words here. Verse 38, For I am sure neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to cut us off, to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Paul has just had a contemplation of the love of God, that nothing can separate him from the love of God. Not death, not anything. And here all of a sudden, after meditating and contemplating on the love of God and thinking about the Jews, who of all people should be experiencing the love of God, and yet they are not because they're trying to save themselves by their own works, Paul says I could wish to go to hell in their place.

Because they're going to miss out on the love of God there. In hell, all you experience, the attribute of God is His wrath. There is no love of God in hell. There's the perfect love which will manifest itself in wrath, one might say.

But it's His wrath. It's His righteous indignation. Paul's willing to be damned for them. And people say, well, I object. Theologically, how could he wish for that? Look, the statement is genuine, but it is an impossibility for it to happen.

What do we find out later in Romans 9? Who's ultimately in charge about whether you face destruction or mercy? God. God is in charge. He says in v. 16, so then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God who has mercy.

V. 18, so then He has mercy on whomever He wills, and He hardens whomever He wills. So Paul fully acknowledges the sovereignty of God in salvation. And then there is no trading your soul for another. Right?