How to Be Your Own Counselor — Don Wilkerson

This message is one of the Times Square pulpit series. It was recorded in the sanctuary of Times Square Church in Manhattan, New York City. Other tapes are available by writing to world challenge PO box 260 Lindale, Texas 75771 or calling two one four nine six three eight six two six.

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David’s Dialogue in Psalms 42 and 43

Psalms chapter 42. I'll read just a few verses from it, but I ask you just to keep your Bibles open because I will be dealing spending a lot of time in these two chapter 42 and chapter 43 really our Parallel should be taken together and Let's look at a few verses verse 5 It says why are you in despair?

Oh my soul and why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God for I shall again Praise him for the help of his presence. Verse 9. I will say to the to God my rock. Why hast thou forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy as A shattering of my bones my adversaries revile me while they say to me all day long.

Where is your God? Why are you in despair? Oh my soul, and why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God for I shall yet praise him the help of my countenance and my God and Then look down at verse 5 of Psalms 43, I'll read it but it's really a repeat of that 11th verse.

Why are you in despair? Oh my soul, and why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God for I shall again praise him the help. Well, what does the King James says? I think the health the health of my countenance and my God.

I Want to speak to you tonight about how to be your own counselor. How to be your own? counselor and as we ask the Lord to bless his word, I going to ask you to join in we with prayer for brother a gentleman that I have known for some time and and Young man who is saved by the ministry of teen challenge.

It was a staff member for a period of time and is in the hospital and he's in real real Dire need at this very moment and as joined with me in prayer as we ask the Lord to bless the word and Lift this young man up to the Lord at the same time our father.

We thank you tonight for Your presence and the praises of your people. Lord, we thank you tonight that we have the freedom to come here in this land yet to worship you and in to praise you. We thank you that we have the freedom in the spirit that we have the knowledge of you.

That we can enter into your courts with thanksgiving and praise Lord tonight. I ask that you would bless the word to our hearts. But I take this moment also to lift up this young man. Will it to you? Oh God reach down right now in that hospital.

Lord, he's in dire need. Lord, we just pray that by by your miracle working power that you would reach into his mind right now. Reach into his soul. Touch his body. Is he suffering mental anguish at this very moment Lord.

Heal him and raise him up for your glory. We thank you Lord. We we thank you for already those that we've prayed for here tonight, but we add to it this young man. We just thank you Lord. We thank you for your preciousness of your word now as it goes forth in Jesus name.

Amen. Now the scriptures make it very very clear. That we are to help one another. We are to love one another. We are to bear one another's burdens. In fact you can look in the scripture in the concordance look at the word another and Follow it and you'll see how many times it says one another one another.

Ecclesiastes 4 9 and 10 says two are better than one. Because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls the one will lift up his companion. We need each other in the body of Christ and I think we're getting at a point in our Times Square Church as we've been here six months or more we're getting to know some of you more and appreciate you and and the Lord is developing a love among the people of God as we Continue to grow closer to the Lord and one another as well and we need each other in the body of Christ.

And all of us are in need at specific times and for specific situations. We're need for others to reach out to us in loving counsel and comfort. Some people have the ministry of counseling. I don't just mean necessarily in a Ecclesiastical sense or in a professional sense or in a full-time Ministry, but I think of those who are our laymen who have the the ministry of counseling.

They are what I would call Barnabas's you know Barnabas means his very name means son of encouragement and His name is taken from the same root word that we get the word paraclete. From which we get the word comfort from which we also get the word Holy Spirit.

Barnabas was a comforter. It was he who introduced Saul to the church when the Christians were still afraid of him. It was Barnabas who gave Paul his first opportunity for ministry. He invited him to Antioch and they ministered there and Thank God for the Barnabas's that we have in the church.

Hebrews 3 13 says what a Barnabas should do. What all of us should do it says but exhort or but encourage one another day after day as long as it is still today and Then in fact, it adds something to that scripture, which is also important.

It says the reason that we are to Comfort one another and to exhort one another. Lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin and so the role of the counselor and the ministry of counseling in the church is vital and necessary.

Any one of us at times ought to be exercising that role of a comforter and encourager and exhorter. Especially according to the scripture. I just read Hebrews 3 13 it says if we see a brother Who is going off the pathway?

We see a brother or sister who is growing cold or is Falling into sin and is being deceived by that. It says we ought to love them enough to exhort them. And bring it to their attention. In other words biblical counseling is a dual role at times.

It is to encourage and lift up at other times. We ought to admonish or beseech people when we see them going astray. You see a lot of counseling today. It only comforts, but it does not warn. Somebody has said Christians are sent into the world to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable.

Now I've taken on the all of us as pastors are involved in counseling. And I know what it's like to have to be in that role. I enjoy more comforting people. I don't like to have to point out and warn people and I've had already in this church.

I don't know. I know it's probably happened to a few of the other pastors. I haven't discussed it with him, but I've counseled some people and after I counseled them. They haven't been back to church since.

Well I like to think that's because they put my finger on something the Lord put his finger on something. All counseling. However, what even when it warns should be done with a motive not to get just to get the other party to see their air.

But that they might change and might reform and walk in holiness. Hebrews 10 24 says let us provoke one another to love and to good works. God also has placed the ministry of counseling in the church by providing a Spiritual gift to certain people.

Romans 12 6 as we have gifts that Differ according to the grace given to us and then it lists a few of them. It lists prophecy. It lists the gift of faith. It talks about service. It talks about the gift of teaching and it says or he who exhorts.

This is a gift that the God has given to the body. There are certain people that just have that God-given gift now. Everybody ought to be an encourager at times but some people are gifted with it and this gift is especially important in helping or counseling a new convert or Somebody who's young in the Lord or somebody who's weak in their faith or somebody who's gone into air.

First Thessalonians 5 verses 11 and 14 says therefore encourage one another and Build up one another just as you are also doing and we urge you brethren admonish the unruly. Encourage the faint-hearted help the weak and be patient with all men.

The Limits of Human Counseling

Now I trust I've made it clear that the ministry of counseling. It's biblical. It's necessary. It's important in the church. We do it our pastoral staff. We do it on a regular basis. We have done it and we're going to continue to do it because we believe in the ministry of counseling now having said all that.

I Also believe that there are times and there are situations in our lives When no human no Biblical no Christian counselor be it friend or be it pastor. There are situations that we face when nobody can provide us the comfort we need.

To get us through a problem or to help us to find answers to some of our problems. You see the ministry of counseling can easily produce the ministry of the Holy Spirit. The church has moved into a dangerous period.

It's like the contractor who puts up a scaffolding to build or repair a building but he never takes it down and Dependency upon somebody else a dependency upon one's counselor or teacher or teaching or meetings or friends or fellowship or whatever.

Must never be a substitute for standing on the foundation of Jesus Christ. Paul refused to baptize anybody for this reason. He said lest they should say well, I was baptized in Paul's name. He said lest they say they were baptized in my name.

He said I don't baptize anybody except he said one person and maybe there is somebody else. But as a general principle, he said it didn't do it. He says also that that I planted Apollo's watered or he taught you he counseled you as it were but God was causing the growth.

He goes on. He said you are God's field. You're God's building. You're not my counseling. You're God's property. I Remember one day I took a minister out on the streets and a young man approached me who had met me the week before sometime before and I Introduced him to my minister friend and the fellow was a little bit inebriated and but he turned to my minister friend and he pointed at me and he said He saved me last week.

He converted me last week and I looked at him and I said you sure look like my convert. You sure don't look like the Lord's. You weren't baptized in my name. You know, one of the key words in the church today is relationships.

That's a big word in some circles. There are Christian counselors who talk a lot about our need for healthy interpersonal relationships with significant others in our lives and I agree with that. There are small group interaction fellowships that are started to promote this in these interpersonal relationships.

And there's nothing wrong with that in some churches also they assign sort of a big brother to a new convert to try to Counsel them and help them and disciple them in their initial walk with the Lord and there's nothing wrong with that.

However anything or anyone that becomes a substitute or replacement or attachment to us in the place of Jesus Christ Ends up being a hindrance no matter how well intentioned the relationship was to begin with.

John 5 15 5 says I am the vine. Ye are the branches. He who abides in me and I in him he bears much fruit for apart from me. You can do nothing. And I'm convinced that the reason that some Christians don't bear fruit the reason some don't bear fruit sooner is that today the church has devised all kinds of Artificial life-support systems.

Intended to help people but often they create a dependency upon a man or a System or a teaching or a program and they do not bring people to the true vine. Now my friend we've got some Plants up here and when we bring you to the altar.

We're not going to glue you into one of these plants as nice as they look on the stage, but they're artificial. We're going to put you into the eternal life-support system of the Lord Jesus Christ. Hallelujah, and if we do any counseling we're going to counsel you to Jesus so that you can learn how to be your own counselor.

Hallelujah. Consider a man who became his own counselor these two Psalms are based upon the words of David and Here we find David conducting a very interesting counseling session with himself. If you read it carefully in Psalms 42 and 43 You find David?

Questioning himself. He has a dialogue Between a counselor David and his counselee David no, he did not have a split personality. No, he was not crazy but David speaks to his own condition. He speaks to his own need and He comes out and he puts it into proper perspective and he comes out of his counseling session.

Having given himself some good advice Based upon what he knew of God and he ends up in the psalm and he said you are the help of my countenance you are my Mental health. You are the help of my countenance, I hope in God the help of my countenance and my God and When you consider that David was a very tough case to counsel, we're going to look at it.

David’s Depression and the Storms of Life

There are a few verses that indicate to us what David was going through at this particular time. Look at verse 7 David says deep calls to deep in the sound of thy waterfalls. All thy breakers and thy ways have rolled over me now throughout the Psalms and especially David as well as other psalmist they use words like water and waves and breakers and floods.

They use those words to refer to troubles sorrows. Things that people go through that come up against them and also, these are things that cause discouragement and distress and Cause one to go through spiritual testing and emotional traumas.

Listen to Psalm 69 you don't need to turn to it. David says save me O God for the waters have threatened my life. I Have sunk in deep mire and there is no foothold. I have come into deep waters and the floods overflow me.

Do you know what it's like sometimes to go through deep waters? 2nd Samuel 22 and 5 he said the waves of death come past me. I Think he was probably talking about the time when when Saul was chasing him and he didn't know from one day to the next if he'd Be alive.

He called it waves of death and then Psalms 88 and 7 says thy wrath has rested upon me and thou has Afflicted me with thy waves. Now as with David. Those waves and floods are unavoidable in our lives.

The Bible said it rains on the just and on the unjust. Now remember that David was a man of God. He was a man after God's own heart. He was a good man. He was a holy man. He was a man who said in Psalms 42 and 1 as the deer pants after the water broke so my soul pans for thee O God.

And Yet this does not exempt David from having the waves beat against him as a ship faces a rough storm at sea. And in fact David's situation his troubles and sorrows were so bad. Look at verse 3. He said my tears have been my food day and night.

He said I can't sleep. I can't eat. Because of the situation that I'm going through. My friend that describes a man going through depression. It was so bad that others looked upon him also in verse 3 It says and when they say to me and this is the thing that really I think got to David.

Others looked upon him and he and saw what he was going through they saw the waves going against him. They saw the troubles he was in and said, ah, come on David. Where's your God now? Where is your God?

And I'm sure that that must have pierced him like an arrow in his heart in Such questioning of the love of mercy of God even caused David to sink so low in his feelings. Look at verse 9. He says why has thou forgotten me?

Chapter the next chapter in a second verse. He said for thou art the God of my strength why hast thou reject you forgotten me and you've rejected me Lord. Now it's no wonder that in the midst of the troubled waters.

David is going through you know, what happened to him? He sprung a leak. He sprung a leak 60. Psalm 69 and 1 King James Version says the waters have come into my soul. In other words things finally got to him.

Overwhelmed him and caused him emotional depression. Now you see a sailor a sailor doesn't care if the waves with crested curls and crested heads curl over and dash against the vessel. Shaking it from stem to stern.

A sailor doesn't mind that he doesn't mind if the waters wash up upon the deck. He's a sailor. He's a prepared for that. He's trained for that but David's trouble was that of the sailor who whispers to another fellow sailor and he says We have sprung a leak.

We have sprung a leak. You see the water in the hold is more dangerous than all the water in the ocean and Such was the case with David. He said the waters have come into my soul and he used words in this psalm like disturbed Mourning despair and disquieted.

Now we're not told the reason for his despondency. I Have I have my own feeling it is supposed that this was during the time when his own son Absalom had led a revolt against him had turned against him had turned the hearts of the people away from him and Led a military and a political coup and David had to flee from the palace and went into Exile off into a mountain retreat somewhere.

In fact, here's what it says in 2nd Samuel 15 30 it says. And David went up the crescent of the Mount of Olives and He wept as he went and his head was covered and he walked barefoot. Then all the people who were with him each covered their head and wept and went up weeping as they went and Psalms 42 and 43 may describe the time when the waters came into his soul.

But let me ask you friend tonight have you known the kind of storm that David is talking about. Maybe there's some of you that are sitting here tonight. And you know and it can identify with David because tonight you sit here and the waters have touched your soul.

There is a despondency within you and if so, you probably are in need of counsel and comfort and prayer. Friday night we prayed for a Gentleman who came to our attention that that very day a machine had fallen on him.

And it severed his spine and he was in the hospital. Sunday night his brother was here. I prayed for him. I believe Victor you prayed for him as well. What a trauma. I want to tell you that Generally that young man 29 years of age engaged to be married went to work that day.

Didn't know that his world would crush in on him. And now he lays in a hospital bed knowing not knowing if I'll ever walk again in his life. That's a storm my friend. We all know the storms those kind of storms.

Turning to God Alone

But I want you to note David's cry in the midst of this. Where and who David turned to for counsel during his period of depression. David did not look outward for counsel. He looked inward realizing that to turn to others might have been more of a hindrance than a help.

It's not that others were unwilling to help. But he realized that nobody could remove his sorrows or lifted despair or adequately soothe his soul except God alone. God alone and he realized that he had faced the situation as It says in Isaiah 63 and 3 Jesus said I have trod the winepress alone and with the peoples.

There was no man with me. Such was a time for David a time that comes to us all. You see every man every woman Knows and has to face his own garden of Gethsemane. The disciples accompanied Jesus to the garden, but they could only go so far.

They couldn't go with him through it. They couldn't go through the anguish. All they could do is watch and even that they failed in doing that's all we asked of them. But they couldn't do it, but they couldn't do that all they could do.

Job was in such a state of suffering and he said To he had some comforters that he wished weren't comforting him and this is what he said to them job 718. He said wilt thou never turn thy gaze away from me.

In other words quit looking at me your looks give me no comfort. He said wilt thou never turn thy gaze away from me. Let me alone. I've told my children I've told them I as your father and as you're the priest in this home.

I Said there'll be many times when I'll be able to walk through you. I'll be able to help you and counsel you and I'll be able to take your hand and take you through many experiences but I said there's always going to come a time in your life when you're going to come to a mountain and There's going to be a tunnel that goes through that mountain, but it's a tunnel only for one.

And when we come to that tunnel I'm gonna have to let your hand go and you're gonna have to go through your own Garden of Gethsemane. Just you and the Lord. Now I can remember I remember my daughter calling me one time about a situation.

I said honey. I said remember the tunnel. I said this is it. This is in fact, she said to me and before I said it to her. She said dad. Is this a tunnel? I Said yeah, this is the tunnel. I can't go through you with it.

David realized that he was going through a period when he might have been ill advised by the council of others. So he did not seek it out. One might have said David you don't have enough faith. Another would have said David you you your confession is not positive enough.

Another might have said God does not want you to suffer just rebuke the devil. I remember it was Bob the priest one morning. He said what do you how do you rebuke the devil if God's the author of your trouble?

There are times when it comes that God's the author of your trouble and you try to rebuke the devil when it's God standing in your way. Job's wife would have advised him quit the church curse God and die.

That was her advice. Another would have told David he suffered from a poor self-image or he needed to have his memories healed or he need to eat better food. The point is this some counts and I don't get me wrong.

I said we believe in counseling and we are counseling and we're going to continue to counsel. But see sometimes my friend some counsel can be dangerous to your spiritual health. Job realized this he said to his counselors withdraw from me that I may have some cheer.

It's I Didn't make it up job. It's job 2010 and 20 withdraw from me that I may have some cheer. You see too often my friend we counsel out of our feelings or to the feelings of others rather than counsel out of truth.

Any counsel any comfort not based on truth is not biblical counselor and It can cause another's pain for the moment to be eased. But may not help them in the long run. It may not lay the axe to the root of their problem.

Job also said how painful are honest words, but what does your argument prove? Remember Moses. He told God he needed a helper. God says no you don't and Moses said I can't speak. Well, I need help. I Need a I need an aid.

I need a counselor and the Lord said no you don't. He said God said go and even I will be with I mouth. But still Moses pled he said give me a helper and the anger the Lord burned against Moses he said all right, you can have Aaron and You know what happened when he got Aaron.

Aaron when when Moses was off in the mountain. Aaron is down there. Aiding the people in building the golden calf and when Moses comes along. What does Aaron say? He said I don't know what happened. We just threw all this stuff together and out come this calf.

Aaron was Moses substitute in lieu of the Lord or the one he turned to for a lack of faith and Let this be a warning watch and examine every offer of help that you get in times of difficulty anyone or anything that turns you from faith, however appealing or Enterprising it might be is really a hindrance my friend.

When Peter was told of Jesus death, he said far be it from you Lord to have to go through that. Far be it from you Lord. This shall never. This shall not be unto thee. Sounds like a lot of the teaching today my goodness.

You know if the prosperity teachers were in that day, Jesus would never went to the cross far be it from thee. You see natural affection will suggest any easy path instead of the path of righteousness and suffering.

If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably does not lead anywhere. So David what happened. David became his own counselor? No, I don't know about you, but I've learned from David and I do something.

I don't know if you do it. I talked to myself. David did it look what he said in verse 11. He said why here's David's talking to himself and he says why are you in despair? Oh my soul. He said why are you cast down?

Why have you. David becomes disturbed within me. This is David talking to his Emotions. He's talking to his soul. He's talking to that part of him that is going through and feeding the reaction of all of these waves come against it.

And I don't know if you ever talk to yourself, but you should David did. He sets himself down as it were as if he was his own patient. His own counselee and he says to David David why are you. He speaks to that condition in him and he starts talking to David and he starts talking God talk and He starts talking faith talk and he says David.

Why are you David? Why is your soul cast down? Why are you in such an emotional state of depression? You see David takes personal responsibility for the state of his soul. He realizes that he is responsible and accountable for his resentments.

For his poor attitudes for his lack of faith. And he also realizes that under God he is capable of instructing himself. He is capable of looking to the Lord. He is capable under God of bringing himself up out of it.

Hallelujah. First Samuel the 30th chapter. David gets through a report. I think it was at ziglag. Was it ziglag? He gets a report. The enemy has taken all of his his wise his children are all captive and What did David do?

He didn't do what I see a lot of people do. They have a party and they only invite one person and that's themselves. It's called a pity party and that's the most boring party. You'll ever go because you're the only one there.

And you're not very good company when you're feeling sorry for yourself. David didn't throw himself a party. That Bible says that David Talked to himself. David Encouraged himself in the Lord strengthened himself in the Lord.

Now I can identify with David. I've learned how to talk to myself. To hold counseling sessions with myself. There are times when I'm cast down. There are times when my spirits low or my feelings are hurt and my emotion emotions are drained and I have to get Don Wilkerson by the nap of the neck and I have to say all right.

Don listen up. Why are you Don in despair? I have to speak out of my spirit to my emotions and say all right. Why are you disturbed within you. God is on the throne hallelujah now? I'm not always a good client.

Sometimes I don't listen to myself and the situation gets worse and I end up saying to myself you should have listened to me. Most of the time I do listen and encourage myself in the Lord hallelujah. Job 20 and 21 you know a sister came to me Sunday.

Began to describe. I didn't know why she was talking to me what counselor she wanted. She won a prayer. She had lost her job had to leave her job going through a Husband leaving her taking her to court over a situation.

She was going through all of this and I was getting ready to pray for her and before I could do anything. She started talking faith talk. She started talking God talk. She be she she. I didn't say a word.

I didn't say a word. Sister if you're here tonight you bless me. You came to me for help. I was blessed because you were your own counselor. You said all these things are against me, but but God's holding me up hallelujah.

She encouraged yourself in the Lord, and I like that kind of counselor. I like to have those kind of people come. Joe Jude 2021 says but you beloved building yourselves up in your most holy faith. Praying in the Holy Spirit.

Keep yourselves in the love of God. Waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life. You see when David asked why are you disturbed within me? He's rebuking himself. He's saying David you ought to know better.

What right have you as a child of the Living God knowing what you know and knowing who you know? What right do you have to stay now? It doesn't say that there was that it was. Against God's will for him to feel like he did my friend.

We are in this Treasure, we're in this earthen vessel and we do have feelings and we do have hurts and they're going to come. But it's what you do with him and David talks to himself and says you have no business.

Operating out of your hurts or out of your feelings your child of God. Now what counsel did I David offer himself? Let me just very quickly give you three things that David counseled himself. First of all, David had been going to the altar of God.

He had not forsaken the practice of seeking after God. I'm not going to spend any time on this week as David. Well, the Dave gave the powerful message Sunday night about prayer and listen to me if you don't have an altar.

If you don't have a place of seeking God, then I don't recommend that you be your own counselor. Because you've got nothing to you got no wisdom you you you have nothing to draw upon. But David be could become his own counselor because he had not forsaken the altar of the Lord.

People come to me how many times almost invariably every time they come and they talk about a problem. They've talked about they fall into sin. And I asked him one simple question that every pastor every counselor ought to ask somebody I asked him.

Are you praying? Are you in the Word? Invariably, of course the answer is no. David said I used to go along with a throng look at verse 4. He said I used to go along with a throng and lead them in the procession to the house of God you see David was like the wise virgin who took oil with them and David had oil to give him light and the hour of his darkness.

Because he had not forsaken the altar of the Lord. David's spirit was strong. And so when David talked to himself He talked out of the spirit of God that was in him to the other Spirit of his emotions and that's why he was able to bring himself out.

Hallelujah, and then David also did something else. He had a good memory. He had a good memory look at verse 6. He said oh my god. My soul is in despair within me. Therefore. I will remember thee from the land of Jordan.

Now remember David was in exile. He was on the other side of Jordan. He had to leave his home. He had to seek refuge in a mountain retreat. But in spite of his troubles, he realized that what he was going through was going to pass.

I Like what one pastor said he said I get a great blessing out of this New Testament. It says and it came to pass. Everything that happens to me comes to pass. It comes to go by me and David recognized that he said better days are ahead of me because God I can remember the blessing of the Lord and A good way to talk to yourself during times of trouble is to remember the past mercies of the Lord.

In fact, if you look through the Psalms how many times God goes through the historical record of his people. There are entire Psalms and all it does is record the acts of God. The love of God to his people and my friend whenever you get low.