Are You Really Born Again — Zac Poonen

Salvation Means Fellowship With God and Freedom From Sin

Let's turn to 1 John chapter 1. The purpose of salvation is that we might come into fellowship with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It's not to go to heaven. See, there are so many wrong motives with which we can come to Christ.

And if I come with a wrong motive, I can't be sure of my salvation. And I think that is the problem with many people. They have come to the Lord looking for something else. You can come to the Lord for food, for healing, that's fine, he'll accept you.

But then that must be something that moves on to finding deliverance from sin. And if our main desire, and I want to say this straight to all of you, if your main desire in your life is not to be free from sin in your life, I want to tell you that I would doubt whether you're really born again.

And I have a feeling that many people in our CFC churches are not born again. I've said that even in Bangalore, because so many people come to us because it's a nice church to belong to. First of all, there's no collection.

All rich people are very happy to come to this church because there's no offering. Nobody forces you to pay ten percent. Imagine if you go to some church and you're a very rich man and the pastor asks you to pay ten percent.

You won't like it, you'd rather come to this church. Such people are not saved. They're just covetous, greedy people who are only trying to take advantage of Christ. They'll be lost and their judgment will be very severe in hell.

But if a person wants to be free from sin in his life, such a person can find salvation. So you know, Jesus said he did not come to call righteous holy people. He came to call sinners, not sinners, he came to call sinners to repentance.

So the world is full of sinners, but he didn't come to call all of them. He said, I've come to call sinners to repentance, to give up their sins. So the only people Jesus came to call are those who want to be free from the sin they see in their life.

So if they don't see sin in their life, then of course there's no possibility of their being saved. See, in Matthew's gospel, chapter 9, Matthew 9, and we read in verse 12, no, Pharisees verse 11 said, why is your teacher eating with the tax collectors and the sinners?

And Jesus said, it's not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means. I desire compassion and not sacrifice, for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.

So we know that throughout his life, Jesus, the person who prepared the way for Jesus was John the Baptist, and it says he came to pave the way for Christ to come. And the main message of John the Baptist was, repent.

So without that, you cannot accept Christ. So the only person who can repent is one who's serious about, who seriously discovers there's so much sin in his life. So I feel that today, so many people, and many particularly those from nominal Christian backgrounds, they've come to Christ without first of all realizing that they're sinners.

It's like somebody dragging you to a doctor and you don't believe you're sick. You don't realize you're sick, then you're not going to take seriously what the doctor says. See, if you don't believe that you've got cancer and the doctor prescribes a treatment, you're not going to take it.

And that is the condition of many, many people who are sitting in Christian churches today. The Christian church has become like a club, nice club to belong to. You don't have to pay any price, you just sit there.

And as far as I'm concerned, I'm going to make it clear to all such people, you are not born again. And you will see in the day of judgment that my words are true, and it'll be too late. It's better to realize it now.

Repentance and the Whole Counsel of God

That's why I want to really make it clear because I don't want anybody's blood on my hands. Paul said in Acts chapter 20, he said, Acts 20, he said, Everywhere, verse 21, Acts 20, verse 21, I preach repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.

In other words, I tell people to turn from their sin. That's the first thing Paul preached everywhere, and then believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. So as I have said for years and years and years, that repentance is one of the missing messages in today's Christianity.

And because people are not told to turn from their sin, they're not really born again. You cannot be born again, if you don't come to Jesus, recognizing, not just recognize everybody in the world recognizes you as sinners, but wanting to be free from your sin.

If you're not fed up with your sinful life, you really can't be born again. Like I've said to many people who want to join our church, I say, please don't come and join our church, if you're not fed up with your own sinful life, go and join some other church.

There are so many churches in the world. Why do you want to want to come here and waste our time and defile all the others with your worldliness? You just want a comfortable place to sit and make friends with people or somebody who's something like that.

We don't want such people. We want people who are fed up with their own sinful life, and who are longing to be free from sin in their life, who are crying out to God, Lord, I'm fed up of this sin and that sin and the other sin.

And if that type of cry is not in your heart, I want to tell you, you're sitting in the wrong place. This is not the place for you. Please find another church, because you are polluting this church. You're hindering the witness of the church with your worldliness.

New people come in and you speak all your worldly stuff to them and pollute them. We don't want such people. And we're going to gradually eliminate such people from this church, because we want people who are fed up with their sin and who are crying out to God, not only in the meeting, but at home, say, Lord, I see sin in my life, I want to be free from it, I want to be free from it.

That is the mark, those are the only people Jesus came for. So he says, I preach repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. And he says in the last part, I have proclaimed to you, verse 27, the whole purpose of God, not part of it.

Therefore, verse 26, I am innocent of the blood of all men. A preacher who preaches repentance and preaches against sin and the whole purpose of God, his hands will be free from guilt. But any preacher who does not preach against sin, when people in his church go to hell, he will be guilty also.

I believe that. That's what Paul says. How can Paul become guilty, verse 26, of the blood of other people? He says, I'm innocent of the blood of all men because, verse 27, I have declared the whole purpose of God.

I can say that. Everywhere I've gone, I've declared the whole purpose of God. A lot of people got offended, it bothers me the least. Because I'm not here to please man, I'm here only to please God. And so, it doesn't disturb me if some people are offended with me.

They were offended with Jesus, they were offended with Paul, they were offended with every servant of God in the history of Christianity, except the men pleasers and the money lover preachers, all the others people are offended with because they don't… most people don't like to hear the truth about themselves.

But it's only those who love the truth who can be saved. So if you don't love the truth about yourself, it's very difficult to be saved. And the great danger is that when we don't love the truth and we hear the truth and it doesn't disturb us, we can sit comfortably and listen to the truth and be completely unchanged.

The great danger is that God himself will deceive you. Turn with me to what I call the most scary verse in the New Testament, 2nd Thessalonians chapter 2. The most scary verse in the New Testament is not that you can go to hell.

No. The most scary verse in the New Testament is that God himself will deceive you. It says in 2nd Thessalonians chapter 2 that Satan comes with the decep…. Verse 10, Satan comes with the deception of wickedness for those who perish, for those who are going to hell, because why are they deceived?

He's talking about verse 10, please see, the activity of Satan who comes with false signs and wonders and with the deception, all the deception of wickedness for those who perish, for those who go to hell, because why did they get deceived?

Because they did not love the truth so as to be saved. They did not love the truth that they heard to be saved from sin. And when God sees that, here is a person who is sitting in some church and coming to some meeting and does not receive the truth, does not love the truth to be saved from sin, you know what God does?

See what God does. God himself will send on them a deceiving influence so that they may believe what is false. Can you imagine God trying to deceive you? That's what it says here. If God deceives you, you will be thoroughly deceived and deceived means you think you are saved when you are not saved, you think you are born again when you are not born again, because not only the devil is deceiving you, God is deceiving you.

There is no hope. The devil is already a deceiver. He is called the deceiver of the whole world. My only hope is that God is on my side and prevents me from being deceived. But here it says if I don't love the truth, God also will deceive me.

And when God deceives me, it says here that I will believe what is false. Can you imagine God who loves the truth, wanting me to believe what is false? That means I will believe I am born again when I am not born again, that is believing what is false.

And who makes me believe that? God. Why? Because I don't love the truth. I don't love the truth about myself. That's why I say this is the most scary verse in the New Testament. I never want it. And so what is the way to escape it?

Very simple. Just two things. Both are mentioned in verse 10. I must love the truth. When God speaks to my heart, I must face up to it and say, Lord, it is true. I'm guilty. And secondly, again, verse 10, I must be desiring to be saved from my sin.

So if I love the truth about myself and God shows it to me, and I'm eager to be saved from my sin, I will never be deceived. And I decided that many years ago. And that's how God has shown me so many things in my own life through the years.

The Corruption of the Flesh and the Need for Salvation

You see, my flesh is exactly the same as your flesh. My flesh is the same as the flesh of Osama bin Laden or the suicide bombers. My flesh is the same. If any of you think you are better than a suicide bomber, you don't have any understanding about your flesh.

I'm convinced my flesh is…. I came from Adam. That suicide bomber came from Adam too. He's got the same flesh as me. Maybe my background and my upbringing protected me from some of the evils he does. But inwardly, my flesh is the same.

Once you recognize that, you will see what corruption there is in your flesh. Paul said, in my flesh, there doesn't dwell one single good thing. See that verse in Romans chapter 7. See, what I'm trying to say is, unless you see how terrible your condition is, you'll never want to be born again.

You'll never want to be saved. You'll go…. You'll go with the superficial type of Christianity and you'll deceive yourself in your whole life that you're saved when you're not saved. And I say, I don't want to be responsible for that.

So wherever I go, I want to make absolutely sure that I've made the truth clear. It's like a doctor giving a scan to a person saying, you've got a terrible cancer and it'll kill you. After that, my responsibility is over.

After that, it's the other person's responsibility, whether he wants to be delivered from it or not. Not mine. But if I don't make that clear, then I am responsible before God. And I will…. That's what Paul says, I am free from the blood of everybody because I've told people the truth.

So Romans 7, he says in verse 18, he says, I know something, and I believe all of us must know this. I know that nothing good dwells in me, in my flesh. How many of you believe that, honestly? I'm not talking about trying to be spiritual and quoting the right words and all that.

You know, a lot of people in prayer say, I'm such a wretch and all that. They don't really mean it. Because if they ever heard somebody else call them a wretch, they'd be upset. But they themselves call themselves a wretch in prayer.

So how many of you really… you got to face up to this verse. Can you say, I know? Not I have heard. I know. Like as clear as, do you know you're a man, do you know you're a woman, you don't have any doubt about it.

You're a boy, you're a girl, you don't have any doubt about it. In the same way, you know that in your flesh, there is not one single good thing. I'm just quoting scripture. The apostle Paul said, I know that is in my flesh, there is nothing good in the flesh of that terrorist, suicide bomber, there's nothing good.

Do you realize that you are just the same as that person in your flesh? No difference. Maybe your background, upbringing, religion kept you from certain evil things. So you look better than that person, but you look inside, it's just the same.

You take a scan of that terrorist's heart and scale a scan of your heart, it's hundred percent the same. I believe it. I have seen clearly in my flesh dwells no good thing. And because I've seen that, I have longed for a complete salvation from sin in my life.

And that's why God has given it to me progressively. But if you don't see it, you will not desire it. Can you get a man on the operating table who doesn't believe he's got cancer? No. You'll have to drag him there and he won't come.

He won't sign the certificate that's required before surgery because he says, I don't believe I've got…. I don't believe I'm that bad. That guy's got cancer, but not me. That terrorist has got it, but not me.

Well then, if I have experienced a salvation, it's because I believe my flesh is the same as any terrorist or suicide bomber or anybody. And if you don't believe that, my brother, sister, let me tell you the truth.

I don't care which church you sit in, you will not experience a full salvation from sin and your experience with Jesus will always be shallow. You'll always wonder, why can't I get to this wonderful life that some people have?

I'll tell you why. Because you didn't start where they started. They started with knowing that in their flesh there was nothing good. They were absolutely convinced they got fifth stage of cancer, there's no hope for them and that's how they got saved.

But maybe you come along and you think you're a little good Christian. I remember once in… at the end of one church service, one couple came up to me and they were not really saved, they were nominal Christians.

And I told them, I said, I can discern that you're not saved because you're coming to Jesus as Christians. And let me tell you the truth that Jesus did not die for Christians, he died for sinners. You come to him as a rotten, good for nothing sinner, he will save you.

You come to him as a Christian, you'll be lost eternally. Yeah, you know that I speak straight. I speak straight because I don't want anybody's blood on my hand. So understand this, my brothers, I want everyone here, I can't save all of you.

I can't ensure that all of you are born again, that I cannot do, that you have to decide yourself. But I can make the truth clear so that nobody's in doubt as to what it really means to be born again, to become a child of God, to come into fellowship with the father.

And it begins with knowing that in my flesh dwells nothing good. Now what happens is, you know, when you discover that, you don't look down on anybody. How can I look down on someone if I realize that his flesh is the same as mine?

Can one fellow who's living in a slum, look down on another fellow who lives in a slum? If you're living a decent place, you can look down on a person who lives in a slum, but a person who's in the slum himself can't look down on another person who lives in a slum.

And if you look down on another person, it proves that you don't think you're as bad as him. And that would be an indication of whether you're really saved or not. I'll tell you honestly. So one of the first questions you need to ask yourself is, do you look down on somebody?

Do you feel, I thank you, I'm not like them? You don't have to say it, but in your heart, if you think like that, it would be one clear indication that you don't really believe that your flesh, there's nothing good.

See, I'm really trying to take you through a kindergarten lesson. This is the kindergarten lesson, to be born again. And if you turn with me to Luke chapter 18, you see, everything I said is in scripture.

Jesus told a parable, verse nine, listen to this, to those, he didn't say this for everybody. He said this to those who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and looked at others with a certain degree of contempt.

Are you like that? Do you feel you're holy? And you look down on some others who are not as holy as you are. This parable is for such people. It's not for everybody. It's for those who think I'm okay.

That guy is not. Two men went up to the temple to pray, verse 10, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. Tax collectors in those days were always classified with prostitutes. Tax collector men and women prostitutes were in the same category, the worst sinners because every tax collector was a crook who cheated and robbed people of money and every prostitute was an immoral woman.

So many, many times in the gospels you read about tax collectors and harlots, tax collectors and prostitutes, tax collectors and prostitutes, they were the worst sinners of all. So these two people went to pray and I don't know whether you've noticed this, many Christians have not noticed what it says here because we don't read the Bible carefully.

To whom did the Pharisee pray? That's the first question. Read it in verse 11. He prayed to himself. He thought he was praying to God, but he was praying to himself. Does anybody pray to himself? Lot of people pray to themselves.

They're not praying to God. Many people who even confess their sin, oh Lord, I'm a sinner, they don't really believe it. Like I told you, they may say, oh Lord, I'm such a wretch. Another day they hear somebody else saying so and so is a wretch and they get upset.

Why do they get upset? You said to God a little while ago that you're a wretch. You don't believe it. If you believed it and somebody else said you're a wretch, you'd say that's right. What he said was right.

But we say these words that look very humble, particularly in public prayer so that we get a reputation for humility. The Pharisee was praying to himself and what was he thinking? So we can say that he was really thinking like this in his heart.

That's what's the meaning of praying to himself. How do you pray to yourself? You're thinking like that, God. You're saying God, but you're praying to yourself. I think a lot of people who pray in public don't really pray to God.

I'll tell you honestly. When I was a young Christian, born again, I was going to a church and then I heard people praying in public and I also started praying. And almost every time I was praying to myself.

Because when I prayed, I wasn't conscious of Jesus in that room. I was conscious that all these people are listening to my prayer. So I must pray in an impressive way. They mustn't think I'm useless. I must pray in a way that'll impress them.

I must impress them with my humility. So I must say, Oh God, I'm such a wretch. I'm a rotten sinner. I must say all the right words. The right words are, I'm such a wretch. I'm a rotten sinner. And I then quote the right language from scripture.

Oh, thank you that your blood will cleanse me. Now, I'm not asking you to judge other people's prayer. If you judge other people's prayer, you're the biggest Pharisee of all. Judge yourself. I'm not saying this to judge other people.

I do not judge other people's prayer. I say, Lord, maybe he's sincere. I don't know. But I know in my case, when I was praying in the early days in public, I would pray and I was much more conscious of the people around me listening than Jesus.

I was not at all conscious of Jesus. And so that didn't satisfy me. I would go back to my room. I was in the Navy those days. And I would say, Lord, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I came into your midst of your people.

And instead of praying to you, I prayed to myself. I prayed to exalt myself in the eyes of others so they'll realize I'm a very humble brother. Forgive me. I don't want to pray like that. I want to pray to you.

So then the next week, I would pray again. Again, I'd be praying to myself. I was more conscious of the people. I'd come back home. I would repent again. Believe it or not, this went on for years. But every single time, I was determined that I would come home and cleanse myself.

It's like you go home and take a bath. Well, you say you had a bath yesterday, but you want to take one another today because dirt has come onto you again. And you take another bath or shower tomorrow.

And then you take another shower. And it's like going for treatment. You go for, if you've got cancer, you go for chemotherapy. And the doctor tests you and says, no, you've got to come again. Some more chemotherapy.

And the doctor says, no, you've still got cancer. You go to some more chemotherapy. And you keep going, keep going, keep going till the cancer is eliminated 100%. Only then you're satisfied. Nobody will be satisfied if the doctor says, ah, about 25 cancer is still there.

You won't say, oh, that's okay, 25%. I had 80%, now it's only 25%. I'm okay. You will not. When it comes to sickness, we are very serious. Doctor, I don't want to stop till it has become zero. So that's how I prayed to God.

I said, Lord, I'm still maybe not 80%, but still 25%. I'm still praying to people, not to you. And over a period of time, over a period of time, because I kept on judging myself, I came to the place where when I prayed in public, it didn't matter if nobody was in the room, I prayed to Jesus.

Not only prayed, but when I sang a song, I would sing it to Jesus. Are you conscious of the words that you sing? Do you know that every song we sing is a prayer? That's another area where I didn't take seriously.

I used to sing a song, particularly if it's a very familiar song, which I knew the tune, I knew the words by heart. And they would sing it, and I would sing. I could shut my eyes and sing it. And I would sing and sing and sing and sing, and realize that maybe in the olden days, we never had this projection and all.

We had songbooks. So we would be singing song number something. And we would sing and sing and sing, and then the song is over. They go to the next hymn. And suddenly I realize, hey, I wasn't even paying attention when I sang that last song.

So what I would do, when all the others were singing the next song, I would turn back on the hymn book to the old song. And I'd say, I'm sorry, Lord, I didn't mean these words. I did not mean these words.

Please forgive me. And while the others were singing the other song, I would read the words that I had already sung. And I'd say, Lord, I want to mean it now. And I would go through that whole song and say, Lord, this time I'm meaning it.

I'm not singing it, but I'm saying it to you in my heart. This is, I need Thee every hour. Every hour I need Thee. Oh, bless me now, my savior, whatever it was. And then I really meant it. So that was the time I really sang that song.

The rest was like a concert. Everybody's singing, you join in. And as I did that a number of times, it didn't just happen once. It happened many times. I discovered that most of the time when I was singing, I wasn't really singing to God at all.

I wasn't conscious of Jesus being there. Everybody's singing, and it's nice. It's like a rock concert. Everybody's singing, I'm also singing. Most of the song leaders also, they don't have a clue what they're singing.

I tell you, in many, many churches, the song leaders, they themselves are not serious about what they're singing. They don't think of the words. It's just the tune, and some shake their hips. And it's the spirit of reverence that Jesus is here, and I'm saying something to him.

He's not there. And you know what the root cause of this is? Either some people are not even born again, or they've taken their relationship with God so casually. I mean, for example, if the ruler of this country was sitting right here, I think all of us would be very conscious.

Oh, the ruler of this country is here. But Jesus can be here, and we're not even conscious of it. But we say we are born again. Well, those people in the other churches, dead churches, they also are not conscious of Jesus.

And if we are in the same category, how do we say we are born again? How do we say we are different? How do we say we have life? We're in the same condition as those people. These are very, very serious issues, brothers and sisters.

Worship Must Be Offered Truthfully

I'm only trying to help you to be delivered from deception. Love the truth, and then God will not deceive you. I love the truth. And the truth was I was praying to people, not to God. And so God saved me from deception.

I love the truth. I said, Lord, I didn't sing this to you. I just sang it like a nice tune. I love the truth, and I said it. Lord, I'm sorry. And the Lord saved me from that deception. For example, we sang a song today.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord. Somebody is trampling out where the grapes of wrath are stored. Do you remember it? Do you remember what you sang? What does it mean? I've seen the light in a number of camps.

Which camps? It's a song, nice tune. I'm amazed at the amount of self-deception that goes on in the singing. When in many churches, they try to improve the quality of the singing, saying, let's sing in tune.

I'm saying, let's mean what we sing, even if we don't sing in tune. If you mean what you sing, even if you don't sing in tune, God will hear you. We're not training choirs here. We're training godly people.

I don't care. It never bothers me if people don't sing in tune. I'll tell you honestly, I mean, I'm not so particular if the tune is right or wrong. And it's good to sing in tune, of course, so that all can sing together.

Very, very important to mean what we say. Jesus once said in the Sermon on the Mount, he said, your yes must be yes, your no must be no. You know, there are songs like, All to Jesus I Surrender. I wonder how many people can really sing it.

But everybody will sing it. Or Take My Life and Let It Be, Consecrated Lord to Thee. That's one of the toughest songs to sing. Because one line in it says, take my silver and my gold. Not one mite will I withhold.

I almost feel like smiling when I hear everybody singing that song. I know that none of them mean it. Then I saw, I can't change the words. I'll tell you, I can't change the words. I just keep quiet. If I can't mean something, I keep quiet.

Sometimes when I come across a line in a song and I can't sing it, I don't change the words. I just keep quiet or sing it softly. Guide me, O thou great Jehovah. I never sing it because I have never in my life called God Jehovah.

You say, why? Isn't that his name? My four sons have never called me Mr. Poonen. Why? Isn't that my name? Why don't they come up to me and say, Mr. Poonen, can I talk to you? You know what they call me?

Dad. You know what I call my father in heaven? Not Jehovah. I've never called him Jehovah. He's my dad. I call him dad. Jesus taught me to call him Heavenly Father. But in the Old Testament, even in the Old Testament, they were scared to use the word Jehovah.

They would call him, O Lord, Adonai, God, Mighty. But there are songs like that. There's a very popular song nowadays in Christianity. There's no God like Jehovah. There's no God like Jehovah. I don't know how many times I say it.

There's no God like Jehovah. What? What are you talking about? They have no idea what the New Testament says. Are these people born again? Do they listen to the Holy Spirit? My brothers and sisters, wake up.

Many are sleeping in the church, spiritually asleep. They don't take what they say to God seriously. If you go to a court and they ask you to sign a document there in front of the judge, tell me, will you read it or not?

Oh, you will not only read it, you'll get a lawyer to read it 10 times. Say, please tell me, is there one word here which will commit me to something? Then only you'll sign it. Why are we so particular about a sale deed and a document?

And we talk to God so lightly as if he is just some person up there whom we couldn't care less for. No wonder we don't progress spiritually. No wonder year after year after year we are in the same rut.

I'm not scolding you. Please listen to me. I'm challenging you to get out of that rut and climb up higher because God has got fantastic plans for you. It's like if I see that my son is very intelligent and he can accomplish great things in life with his intelligence, but he's lazy and careless and getting 40%, 45 and happy with it.

I say, son, you must not be happy with 45%. I may raise my voice and tell him not because I'm angry, but because I say, listen, you're capable of 95%. Why are you happy with 45 That's exactly how I'm speaking to you today.

I look at all of God's people in CFC churches as my children. Not everybody, not all believers. They are not my responsibility. But God has given me a responsibility in CFC churches and I treat them all as my children.

God is my witness. And I speak to them just like I speak to my children. I want the highest for them. I had four sons. I wanted them to do really well spiritually and really well in their academic studies as well.

And I would push them spiritually and academically because I knew that that way they won't become beggars in the world, spiritually first. So that's exactly what I'm trying to do. So this Pharisee, he prayed to himself and he said, God, I thank you.

I'm not like this guy over here, this sinner over there who's praying. And it's very easy to have that attitude towards somebody in the church. Thank you, I'm not like others. God may have done a work in me that's delivered me from sin.

But I can't look down upon another person who's unconverted and despise him. No, I definitely say I'm different because God has lifted me up. He loves sin, I hate sin. So I can't say that God has not done any work in me.

That's not humility. God has done a work in me. For example, if I had cancer and some very good doctor did surgery on me and healed me completely, there's no humility in saying, oh, I've still got cancer.

No, this doctor did a first class job and healed me of cancer completely. But this guy's got cancer. I'm not despising him. I'm just telling the truth. I had the same cancer as him, but a doctor treated me and freed me from it completely.

But this chap still has it. I want him to be free. So that's the only way in which I'm saying it. If God has done a work in us, the more the work God has done, the more humble we should be and give the glory to God.

We should not deny the work God has done in us. I will not deny what God has done in me. He has forgiven all my sins. And for 78 years, everything I did, he looks at me today as if I've never sinned in 78 years.

That's what God did in me through the blood of Jesus Christ. That I will boldly testify. I was a slave to anger. It's gone from my life. I can boldly testify. I never raised my voice at my wife, even one single day of the year.

Not one single moment. God has done it. I'm not taking any credit for it. I'm just saying God has done something in me. He's delivered me from some cancer. I still discover some selfishness in my life here and there.