Things Unshakable 2. an Unshakable Home — Zac Poonen

Building an Unshakable Home on the Rock

Two weeks ago, I began a series entitled Things That Are Unshakable. We considered an unshakable life. Today, I want to speak on an unshakable home. Let's turn to Matthew chapter 7 and verse 24. Matthew 7, 24, we read of the very well-known parable when Jesus spoke about the two builders.

And I want you to notice very clearly, if you haven't noticed it before, the difference between these two builders. Both of them were regular church members, going to church regularly, reading the Bible regularly, listening to God's word.

That was not their problem. The difference was Matthew 7, 24, the one who hears my words and does them, acts on it, is like the man who built his house on a rock. And verse 26, the foolish man also heard the words of Jesus.

He was a Christian who respected the Bible, who went to church. He heard the words of Jesus, but he did not do them. So, all of us are listening to the words of the Lord. And we can say this congregation is going to be divided into two.

Those who hear and do, who will be unshakable. And those who hear and don't bother about it, or are temporarily moved during the church service, they'll be shaky. And that's the thing the devil wants to do with people.

He doesn't bother about how much you get excited in the church service, or how much you understand. So long as you don't practice it in your daily life, he doesn't care how much you increase in knowledge.

Please remember this. This is what it means to be built on the rock. Many times we think, oh I put my feet on Jesus Christ, I'm on the rock. The rock is, very clearly, those who hear my word and obey it.

Preparing Before Marriage

So keep that in mind. God's given us this book to teach us how to build an unshakable home. And I want to begin by first speaking to those who are not yet married. Because if you start now, you can prepare for laying that foundation later on when you do get married.

And one of the best ways, if you're in your teens, in your early twenties, and there's still a while for you to get married, is for you to spend your spare time studying God's word. Take much time with God's word.

Yes, be involved in all the other activities. But don't neglect the word of God. That's got to come as a discipline. Because if you do that, let me give you a promise. In 1 John 2 verse 14, written especially for young people.

God wants young people to overcome Satan when they are young. That's one of the reasons he gives you those sexual desires. Even when you're 12, 13 years old. And he knows you're not going to get married for the next 12, 15 years.

Why does he do that? And why didn't God give you those desires when you're 25? So that you behave like innocent children till that age. It's because he wants you to be an overcomer before you get married.

1 John 2 verse 14, in the middle it says, I've written unto you young people, Because you are strong because the word of God abides. Now the word abide means dwells permanently. The word of God doesn't just come through your mind and go off.

It dwells there. Many people, it doesn't dwell there. It just comes and goes off. Abides in you and the result is you overcome Satan. So that's the thing you need to do when you're young. It will require choosing your priorities.

It may require cutting out certain other things. But it will be worth it one day when you get married. Once you get married and you have children, you will not have time to read God's word. And this book, you won't have time to study God's word.

Once you get married and have children, I'll tell you that. I've seen that from my own life. If you don't study it before you get married and have children, you're not going to be able to get into God's word.

You won't be strong to overcome Satan at that time. And this is the time when you're young. This book contains the manufacturer's instructions for this gadget called marriage. It's a very expensive gadget.

More expensive than anything you ever bought in your house. And every expensive gadget you ever bought comes with a little booklet called manufacturer's instructions. And I don't think there's anybody here who's so crazy as to think that you know better than the manufacturer.

And it says that don't plug in gadget till you read the book. I'd say the same about your marriage. Don't plug in till you read the book. I was challenged recently reading a letter written by a communist more than 40, 50 years ago.

An American communist young man. Billy Graham read this letter out. It's still available on the InterVarsity website. In 1957, in those days, communism was rampant. There were young people taken up with this fascinating new philosophy.

Today, of course, people have become disillusioned with it. But in those days, they were taken up with it. And here was this young man who had been converted, I think, when he went to Mexico or something.

And he's writing this letter to his girlfriend, his fiancee, breaking off his engagement and telling her the reason why I have to break off this engagement, because he's become a communist now. And he says, we communists live in virtual poverty.

We turn back to the communist party every penny we make above what is absolutely necessary. The reason I'm reading this and why Billy Graham read it 50 years ago was to challenge Christians, say, is your devotion to Christ as strong as this?

Do you believe that Christianity is greater than communism, that Christianity is an answer for the world, that communism doesn't have? And here's a person misled by a false philosophy, but look at his commitment.

And we communists don't have the time or money for many movies or concerts or T-bone steaks or decent homes and new cars. We've been described as fanatics. We are fanatics. Our lives are dominated by one great overshadowing factor, the struggle for world communism.

We communists have a philosophy of life which no amount of money can buy. We have a cause to fight for, a definite purpose in life, and we subordinate all our petty personal selves into this great movement of humanity.

And if there's one thing which I'm dead in earnest about, and that's the communist cause, because this, in some small way, I can contribute to something that's new and better for mankind. And so the communist cause is my life, my business, my religion, my hobby, my sweetheart, my wife, my mistress, my bread and meat.

I work at it at the daytime, and I dream of it at night. Its hold on me grows, and so I cannot carry on a friendship or a love affair or even a conversation without relating it to this force that drives and guides my life.

Look at that. Does the devil have more dedicated servants on Earth than Jesus Christ? That's why his cause prospers so much. Most Christians are playing with religion. Where are the young people who will say, Lord, I'm going to be different.

I'm going to be committed to you. I'm going to put that young communist man to shame by my dedication to you. I believe God is looking for such people like that. I remember the years when I was baptized when I was 21, and I spent the next six years studying God's word and devoting myself to the study of God's word.

I'm so thankful for that because it gave me a foundation for all of my life, for my married life, and for my ministry. I never knew I'd have a ministry. I was working in the Navy. I never thought God would call me out, but he did.

And I would not be here today if I had not spent those early years studying God's word. It's possible, dear young man, woman, that God may have a ministry for you in the future, a fantastic ministry that will have fruit for all eternity, a home that will be a challenge and a blessing to many, but it depends on your preparing for that right now and committing yourself.

Choosing a Believing Marriage Partner

And I want to say a word also to when you choose a partner. There's a word of God which says in 2 Corinthians 6, 14, if you want to have a rock-solid marriage, it says in 2 Corinthians 6, 14, don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.

Don't be bound together with unbelievers. You cannot have a partnership with an unbeliever in marriage and expect to build a godly home. Your home will shake from day one. What does it mean to be a believer?

We were all born as children of Adam. We can think of it as a tree. And there was a day in our life when you chose to confess your sin, to turn from it, and to receive Christ as your Lord and Savior. It's not because you were better than all the other people in that tree.

It's not because we were better. Maybe we were worse sinners, but we made a choice the others didn't make. We trusted that Christ died for us. The thief on the cross was not better than other people in Israel, but he trusted Christ.

And that day when we trusted Christ, the Holy Spirit put us into another tree called Jesus Christ. And now when we get married, we've got to find someone in this family. That's what the Lord is saying.

Don't go by the philosophy of the world which just looks at a pretty face and says, yeah, that's the one I want. Well, the Bible warns us against that in Proverbs chapter 11. Proverbs chapter 11, verse 22.

It tells us the danger of going for a pretty face. I don't know whether you've seen this verse. It's the verse I warn all young men about in India. Proverbs 11, 22. As a ring of gold in a pig's nose, that's what beauty is in a woman who doesn't have wisdom.

What is beauty? The golden ring. What's that type of woman? Well, you read it there. That's the Holy Spirit saying that. Don't fall in so much in love with the golden ring that you marry the pig. That's what he's saying.

He also says in Proverbs 31, and verse 30, beauty is empty. It's a vessel that looks nice. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is empty. Proverbs 31, verse 30. That means you look inside, there's nothing there.

So don't go for that. Look for that inner beauty which the Bible says is eternal. I also want to give a word of warning to young ladies, young sisters who are born again. We need to get the values of God's word.

Sexual Purity and Wisdom Before Marriage

These are the manufacturer's instructions for young men, for young women. If you want to build a home which is unshakable, here's something you've got to be careful of when you're single. Song of Solomon, chapter 8, verse 9.

Song of Solomon is a book of a song between a bride and a bridegroom. But this bride has got a younger sister. And she's talking about her younger sister here in verse 9. And says here that she could be a wall or a door.

Now you know the difference between a wall and a door. You can't go through a wall. You can go right through a door. And this bride is saying this younger sister of mine could be a wall that when boys come up to her, they meet a wall.

They can't get through easily because they have that natural reserve that God has given all girls which the devil and the world try to break down. And alternatively, if she's allowed the devil and the world to break it down, then she becomes like a door, wide open for anybody to walk right in.

And then you're in danger. So I tell young girls, remember that the young man's foot is always on the accelerator. And then you've got to put your foot on the brakes. Don't expect him to do that. Otherwise, you'll have a collision.

And it can be serious. Then I want to say a word before I move on to the actual building of the home. A word to single mothers and older sisters who've not been married, older ladies. God may not have called you, allowed you to be married due to circumstances.

Maybe that's His will. Some of the greatest missionaries in the world were single women who gave up marriage to serve the Lord. And so they have great value in God's eyes because when God made man, it says in Genesis 1 in verse 27 that God created man in His own image, in the image of God.

Twice it's mentioned. In the image of God, He created him. Genesis 1, 27. And then it says male and female. So the image of God is male and female. There's something in the female. There's something in a woman, in a girl, in a woman of God, which a man can never manifest.

That's why God made them man and woman. There's something of the tenderness and the gentleness and the beauty that there is in God which man just cannot reproduce. And so you must remember as a woman, as a sister, that there's something of God that you can manifest that no man can ever do.

Especially as a mother. And you don't have to be married and produce physical children. There are many single women who've been spiritual mothers to many, many children. I think of someone like Mother Teresa.

Many missionaries in India have done a great work and exalted the name of Christ. Marriage was not in God's will for them. In Isaiah 49, when God wants to describe His love for the human race and for Israel, what example on earth do you think He chooses?

Isaiah 49, verse 15. Not the love of a father, or the love of a husband, or the love of a wife. It's the love of a mother. There's no love that He can compare His own love with more than the love of a mother.

Isaiah 49, 15, He says, Can a woman, a mother, forget her nursing child? Yea, they may forget. That's the greatest human love. My love is greater than that. So God is a mother. And though we call Him father, there's something in Him which is a mother.

That's why He made female also in His image. Isaiah 66, verse 13, God says, As one who his mother comforts, so I will comfort you. Jesus said, As a hen would gather his little chicks under his wings, so would I like to gather you.

There's something of a mother in God which a man can never manifest. And it's very important that women recognize that. There's something in you that God wants to manifest through you. And now to come to the the home itself.

Christ at the Center of Marriage

We need to understand the purpose with which God established the home. Remember, marriage and the home was God's idea. And when He created the earth, when He made the earth in those six days after it had been corrupted, He said, every day He looked at what He had made and He said, it's good.

It's good. It's good. It's good six times. It comes in Genesis chapter 1. And then all of a sudden He says something else. He says, it's not good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's not good. And that's when He saw Adam all by himself.

He said, it's not good for man to be alone. And then He made a woman for her, for him. And then He said, it's very good. See, that's what happens when there's a really happy marriage ordained by God. From not good, it becomes very good.

But Eve knew very well what she was created for. God had told Adam, I want to make a helper for you. See, God could have made Adam and Eve together at the same time. Made two lumps of clay and breathed on them.

He said, okay, you're Adam and Eve. But He didn't do that. And He has a purpose in everything, the way He does things. He made a man alone first. So that when he breathed into him and he opened his eyes, he didn't see Eve, he saw God.

Teaching him, all your life, Adam, you must see me first before you see your wife. See, that's the secret of a happy marriage. Where Christ is more important to you than your wife. Where He's first in your life.

Where He's the one you see when you open your eyes. And then He puts him to sleep. Takes out a rib from him and goes to another part of the garden. And makes a woman. And when she opens her eyes, she doesn't see Adam.

She sees God. Teaching her, you must see me first in your life. Before you see your husband. And it's only after that that He introduces her to Adam. That's why He made them separately. And there lies the fundamental principle of married life.

That Christ must be between us if we want to be happy. If we really want to have the type of fellowship and companionship and oneness that the Bible wants a husband and wife to have. Which is the foundation for a home.

There's only one way. Christ must be in the center. We have an industrial glue in India called Fevicol. Which the carpenters use to put wood together. And I saw an advertisement for that once where there were these two pieces of wood stuck together with this industrial glue.

And two elephants trying to pull it apart. And they couldn't do it. And I thought what a beautiful picture of marriage that is. That is the type of marriage with demons pulling you aside on either side and Christ is in the middle.

And it is impossible to separate them. Why do we see so many divorces today? There is only one reason. Christ is not in the middle. People don't see Christ first. Something else is first. Either their wife or their job.

Usually their own interests. Their passions etc. And then of course it's going to end in divorce. And even if it doesn't end in divorce it's going to end in homes where husband and wife are just fighting and quarreling and separated from each other.

And when husbands and wives are separated from each other the door is open for the devil to walk right in. And you may be strong enough to resist the devil but he attacks your children. And those are the ones he is gunning for.

And he gets through because the husband and wife separate. Even though they live in the same house. Many homes the husband and wife are two lonely individuals living in the same roof. Glory in the fact that we haven't divorced.

That is not God's will. That's not an unshakable home. It's a home where husband and wife are together. And it's very easy to be together. I'll tell you the secret. As soon as you have made a mistake acknowledge it.

Say those words that are some of the most difficult words to come out of our mouth. I am sorry. That was my mistake. How can I set it right? Say those words. Force yourself to say it. Don't be like Adam.

Who when God asked him did you eat that tree? He said the problem is with my wife. And God don't forget you gave her to me. So that's what he said. And point number three. In small letters I ate it. That was the problem with Adam.

As soon as his fellowship with God was broken. His fellowship with his wife was broken too. It's always fellowship between partners breaks. When our fellowship with God breaks. When our fellowship with God is right.

We will always be quick to acknowledge our fault. And take the blame. See that's the difference between Adam and Christ. I told you about these two trees. When you're in Adam you're like Adam. You're always looking around for whom to blame.

Either your wife or your husband or your children or neighbor. Or the boss or the government or something. But not me. Anybody but me. That's Adam. But then you look at Jesus. Look at him hanging on the cross.

No finger pointing to blame anybody. Taking the blame for sins he never committed. Are you in Adam? Or are you in Christ? You know. In the moment when you recognize a problem has arisen. Even if you have only 5 of the blame.

Acknowledge that 5%. There's only one person in the universe. Who's got 0 blame. Who's not to blame for anything. That's God. And whenever we do not acknowledge error. When we are unwilling to acknowledge error.

We are acting like God. That's the problem with many. If we humble ourselves. I'm trying to tell you how we can be together. As soon as you're aware. Acknowledge and say look I'm sorry. Restore that fellowship.

Be quick to ask forgiveness. And be quick to forgive. And when the other partner asks forgiveness. Humble yourself. It requires humility to forgive as well. It requires humility to ask forgiveness. It requires humility to forgive.

It's the answer to a happy married life. Just humble yourself. And stick together. And immediately the gap is closed. The devil will not get an advantage. He'll not be able to come through. And attack your children.

That's why I said it's very easy. Ask the Lord to cleanse you. And ask forgiveness from one another. So now the question comes. If there has been a tension. Between a husband and wife. The big question.

Who should ask forgiveness first? Who should take the first step. To restore that relationship. The answer is very simple. Whoever is more spiritual. Why do I say that? Because when God and I had a problem.

You know who took the first step? To restore that? The one who was more spiritual. When God and man had a problem. It was God who took the first step. All the way down. What a price he paid. Because he wanted.

He would never done anything wrong. Wanted desperately. To have fellowship with a human race. That had only done wrong. Are you following this Jesus? Or another Jesus? If you're following this Jesus. You'll take the first step.

And so when a husband and wife. Who are both claimed to be born again. Have a problem. Who should take the first step? The one who's more spiritual. And since you think you're more spiritual. You should be just running into each other's arms.

What's the problem? It's the one who is not spiritual. Who stands stiff. Please remember that in future. That's the way to keep that unity. And look at one of the wonderful blessings of this unity. In Matthew chapter 19.

Unity in Prayer and Spiritual Agreement

18 sorry. Matthew 18 and verse 19. We read like this. It's one of the most fantastic promises on prayer. Found in the entire New Testament. Heaven and Earth will pass away. But this word will not pass away.

Many times Jesus spoke about the possibility of. Answers to prayer when we pray in Jesus name. But here is a unique promise. It's found only once. Matthew 18 verse 19. If two of you. It's got to have two.

For this promise to be fulfilled. You can't do it alone. There are many promises in the Bible. You can claim alone. But this one you need two. You got to either find another fellow believer. Or best of all.

Find your marriage partner. If he's a believer or she's a believer. If two of you agree. On Earth. Concerning anything. Anything. That they may ask. It shall be done for them. By my father in heaven. It's a fantastic promise.

This is the way to keep the devil out of our homes. This is the way to save our children. And this is the way to bring back your children. Who have gone astray from the Lord. This is the way to bring them back.

Husband and wife. United. Making sure there's no gap between them. Having confessed and settled matters. That's the meaning of. That's the meaning of agreed. Agreed is a Greek word called symphony. Or from which we get the English word symphony.

It means not just. That we agree on this particular request. It's very easy to agree on a particular request. The agreement here spoken of is. One where there's no gap. And then we pray together. And I tell you there are very.

Very few husbands and wives. Who are in this condition. And only one reason because of pride. They're separated. But if you met. If you determine. That you're going to go the way of the cross. You're going to keep Christ in the center.

And you're united like this. You have tremendous power. When you come together in prayer. Because the next verse says. There Jesus says. I am in the midst. Now Matthew 18 20. Where two or three are gathered together.

And my name is one of the most misquoted. Verses in Christendom. Christ is not in the midst. Two people who disagree with each other. Christ is not in the midst. Even if they call themselves believers.

It's when they are united like this. When everything is settled between them. There's tremendous authority over Satan. It says in verse 18. What you bind on earth will be bound in the heavenlies. Where the demons are.

All that confusion that the devil brings into your home. And among your children can be bound. Can be sorted out. If you and your wife will kneel down before God. Keep yourself united. And pray. Now I'm saying that.

My wife and I have been married 42 years. And we have done that numerous times. We've been targets of Satan's attack. Because I serve the Lord. And the only way to overcome. Is by kneeling down and claiming this promise.

And say Lord fulfill it. And it's always worked. And it'll work in your case. Try it out. That's why this unity is so important. And that's why the devil tries his best. To break up that unity. As I said not just in divorce.

But in husband and wife. That don't live in peace with each other at home. Do you know that Jesus said in Luke chapter 10. When he sent his disciples out. He sent them to different places. And he said when you go to a home.

Luke chapter 10 verse 7. Verse 5 to 7. Luke chapter 10 verse 5. Whenever you enter a house. First say peace to this house. Luke 10 verse 6. And if a man of peace is there. Your peace will rest in that house.

Rest upon him. But if not it'll return to you. And stay in that house. Jesus said when you go to a place preaching. Look for a house where there is peace. And you won't find many houses like that. If you're lucky.

And if you find one like that stay there. Because that's where God is. So God wants our homes. To be homes of peace. It may not be homes of prosperity. That doesn't matter. But homes of peace. It could be a little hut.

But if Jesus is there. It's a palace. It's a place of peace. That is how our homes must stand out. From all the homes around us. The world is full of darkness. God wants these little islands of peace.

There are very few on the earth. We got to add to that number. By building homes like that. Ourselves. Let me turn now to Ephesians. Chapter 5. More about the manufacturer's instructions on marriage. Now for many people the manufacturer's instructions.

Mutual Submission and Responsibilities in the Home

Reads like this. Wives be subject to your own husbands. For the husband is the head of the wife. And every husband likes to read that. But that starts in verse 22. But I want to start one verse earlier.

Which is where it really begins. Ephesians 5 .21. Ephesians 5 .21 says. Be subject to one another. In the reverence of Christ. It's both ways. There is. A boundary that God has drawn. For a wife. And a husband must not tread into that.

There's a boundary God's drawn for the husband. A wife must not tread into that. There's a boundary God's drawn for our children. And as parents we must not tread into that. You know even a child has got a dignity.

Because it's a human being. It's made in the image of God. I cannot humiliate a child before others. That's not the way to punish him. That's God's way. Take him aside and give him a spanking. But don't humiliate him in public.

I remember when visitors used to come to my home. And my children misbehaved. If I punished them right there. It would be a double punishment. Humiliation. But I always say. Okay we'll settle these accounts later.

But right now we'll set it aside. There's a boundary that children have. There's a boundary that a wife has. Be subject to one another. That's for Christ. We're not to be dictators. Thinking that everybody in my home is within my boundary.

We've got to give space to one another. That's what it's saying here. And recognize that no one is called to be a dictator in the home. Neither the husband nor the wife. Functions are different. The husband is called to be the leader.

And the wife is called to be the one who produces the babies. Which aren't both important. You can't have a home without both fulfilling their function together. And that doesn't apply only to having babies and children.

Even to taking decisions. How shall a husband and wife arrive at a decision? Exactly like they produce a baby. The husband contributes his part. The wife contributes her part. Comes together. And you come to a decision.

And that should be as exciting as having a baby. I mean there's a little pain. But there's pain in giving birth to babies too. But we get over that. And we get excited that there's a baby born. That's the thing.

And it should be like that. So you cannot have a baby all by yourself. And it's wrong to try and take a decision all by yourself. Think if when the devil tempted Eve. And saying why don't you eat of that tree.

If she had only said. Well. I've got a partner. Let me just consult him. I'll get back to you Satan a little later. What a different story it would have been. But she felt. I don't need to consult anybody.

I can take a decision all by myself. And all the confusion in the world started with that. God had put them together. And they were too proud. She was too proud to consult her husband. That's riddled stories written right at the beginning.

God has called us. His husband and wife to do things together. To pray together. To plan things together. In things that relate to the home. You don't know how to discuss with your wife. Things that relate to your office or the church.

But things that relate to your home. She's a fellow elder with you. In your home. You must remember that. And the ultimate goal is. Like it says in Ephesians 5 31. The two shall become one. That's the ultimate goal.

That as we progress in marriage. We become more and more united. Like Christ. I want to say one more thing. You know when a God calls a woman a helper. He's giving her the same title. That he gave to the Holy Spirit.

And that should. Increase the self-esteem of every woman here. Every wife. John chapter 14. Jesus said. Verse 16. I will ask the father and he'll give you another helper. It's exactly the same word. That Jesus.

Spoke to the disciples and he spoke to Adam. Way back in the beginning. God said to Adam I'm going to make him a helper. So this is the function. It's a tremendous ministry. Think of the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Invisible. Encouraging from behind. Supporting. So that this man can go out and do God's work. That's the calling of a true. Woman of God. Now I want to go to the second part. Of the second purpose of marriage.

Raising Children to Continue the Gospel

The first is fellowship companionship. Being together. The second is to build a godly home. That's why God gives us children. God gives us children. So that the message of the gospel is the primary purpose.

Whether you believe it or not. So that the message of the gospel can go on to another generation. How is it that the message of the gospel has come down through? So many centuries. Because in every generation God's had witnesses.

Who've carried forward the pure gospel. And we must have a burden. That if God's given us the pure gospel. I must ensure that I do my part. To make sure another generation grows up. That is understood these truths.

And that carries on that message to that generation. That is why God gives you children. And that's why it's important. That you instruct your children. Teach them to honor you. Teach them to obey you when they are at home.

That's the most important thing. Do you want it to go well with your children? The Bible says teach them to honor father and mother. So that it can go well with them. Never take it lightly. When your children disrespect you.

It's very serious. It will not go well with them. If you're interested in going well with them. Teach them to honor their father and mother. And to obey their parents. Let me show you an example. From Genesis 18 verse 19.

Genesis 18 and verse 19. We read about why God chose Abraham. Do you know why God chose Abraham? Let me show you in God's own words. So that we don't have to give our own ideas. Genesis 18 19. God says I have chosen Abraham for this purpose.