Heart-Faith and Not Mind-Faith — Zac Poonen

Heart-Faith Versus Mind-Faith

One of the things that we should take seriously is to ask ourselves whether we are missing something that God has for us in our earthly life. And it's something I'm concerned about quite a bit myself.

You know, if I discover the judgment seat of Christ, that there was something God wanted me to have, which was written in his word, and which I took lightly, I'm going to have a lot of regret. So, in my Christian life, I've constantly sought to discover more of what I may be missing.

And I want to tell you something, that there is a lot of difference between understanding what I'm saying in your mind and receiving revelation from God in your heart. If we don't understand the difference between what we receive in our mind and what we understand in our heart, we'll see that our Christian life doesn't become what it should be.

And there lies the answer why, as we look back over our life, we find that many times we've been stirred by what we have heard in a meeting. I mean, you can look back over the last ten years and discover many, many times when you were stirred in a meeting and you thought that things are going to be different because you understood it.

But it wasn't any different, and it's pretty much the same ten years later. There's something we have missed. Let me turn you to Romans chapter 1 and verse 17. It says here that Paul says in verse 16 that he's not ashamed of the gospel because it is the mighty power of God for salvation.

Salvation as Deliverance From Sin

Now, you know that salvation, we have often said in the church, is different from forgiveness. The name Jesus is not forgiver, but savior. And there's a world of difference between being forgiven of our sins and saved from our sins.

To have our sins forgiven, you don't need the power of God. Why do you need the power of God to have your sins forgiven? You ask God and God forgives you, that's it. But you need the power of God for salvation.

I hope you understand that. You don't need any power at all to have your sins forgiven. You got angry, you lusted, you got bitter, you repented and said, Lord, forgive me. He forgave you. What power do you need for that?

But to make sure that you overcome that anger and overcome that lust and overcome that love of money and overcome that bitterness next time, for that you need the power of God. That is salvation. This is forgiveness.

So Paul says, I'm not ashamed of the gospel. Because it's not an Old Testament message where my sins are forgiven. It is the power of God. For Paul, the gospel was not a message. It's not a tract to give it to somebody.

For him, the gospel was the power of God. And this power for salvation is available to everyone who believes. So we see there that it's not available for everyone. But it's available for everyone who believes.

So I have to look at it like this. That if I have not experienced the power of God to salvation in some area, that means some part of the gospel I have not experienced in my life, there must be only one reason according to this verse.

What will that reason be? That you didn't believe. You thought you believed, but you didn't believe. Because it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes. And there, there is a lot of difference between believing in the head and believing in the heart.

And I think lots and lots of Christians, perhaps most of us, when we think of faith, we think of what we believe in our mind. I've understood these truths and I believe it. But it doesn't seem to bring the power of God.

And it goes on to say that in this gospel, the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith. You know, like the other verse in 2 Corinthians 3, 18, from glory to glory to glory to glory. Here is an expression from faith to faith.

That means you, it's like a staircase. One step and two steps and three steps and faith to faith to faith to faith to faith. All the way until we become completely like Christ. But every step is by faith.

So, it's possible that many of us have taken that first step of faith. By grace are you saved through faith. My sins are forgiven. Forgiveness is by faith. And I got that. But it says here, the righteous man shall live by faith.

Not just have his sins forgiven by faith. Not have that initial step by faith. But his whole life is to be a life of faith. Right from beginning till end. So, that is what I've been thinking of myself and I want to share with you.

Is it possible that there is something that God has promised in his word that you have missed out on because you stopped at some level of faith which you were satisfied with. You didn't go further. Let me turn you again to the verse in Matthew 13 where you see an example of people in Jesus' time who missed out on something that God had for them.

And these things are written for our instruction. Matthew 13 and verse 58. He did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief. And if you read the previous verses you find that there is a reason for that unbelief.

It says here, verse 54, Jesus came to his hometown. And the people were astonished when they heard. And he said, isn't this the carpenter's son? And it says in verse 57, they took offense at him. I mean, they said, who does he think he is?

And that's how the Message Bible translates that. Verse 56. Who does he think he is? And when you have that type of attitude, you don't have faith. And Jesus said, well I can understand that. A prophet does not have any honor in his own hometown or among his own family members.

That's been true throughout the ages. A prophet has no honor in his hometown or in his own household. And he did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief. Now you see in contrast how he could do a great miracle for a Roman centurion.

And say about that Roman centurion in Matthew 8, I've never seen such faith in Israel. But that's because the man had a tremendous respect for Jesus. He said, I'm not even worthy that you should come to my house.

There was a connection between that and his having faith. And here are people who didn't have a respect for Jesus. They missed out on something. You know I've sought the Lord quite a bit on one of the things that's exercised me.

It's still exercised me. I don't have the full answer to it. You know one of the things that elders are supposed to do. And that's in James chapter 5. And through the years there are different people who have asked me to fulfill this function of an elder mentioned here.

Faith, Healing, and Persistent Prayer

In James 5 it says in verse 14, Is anyone among you sick? James 5, 14. He must call for the elders of the church. Isn't that interesting? Anyone among you sick, he must call for the elders of the church.

That means it's not a cough and a cold. It's not talking about that type of thing because if it was a cough and cold, they would have said he must go to the elders of the church. This is a man who's not even fit enough to walk from his house.

And it's talking about some pretty serious sickness. But he says he must call for the elders of the church. That means the guy can't leave his bed. So we're not talking about getting the elders to pray for us for every little fever or flu.

We're talking about a case where a person's in bed and he can't even go to the meeting. So he has to call for the elders to come. And let them call and they must pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.

And the prayer offered in faith will, not might, may sometimes, no. Will restore the one who is sick. And the Lord might, no. May sometimes, no. Will raise him up. If he's committed sins, they will be forgiven him.

It's amazing, isn't it? The prayer offered in faith is supposed to produce some results. So when it doesn't produce results, like it is with many of our prayers, you know, you can ignore it and say, well, I suppose that's how it is.

Once in a while if it happens, we're happy, but most of the time it doesn't. Nothing happens. And the Holy Spirit is not honored when we take that attitude to some verse of Scripture. He sees, what does this child of God do when he comes across a situation that doesn't seem to correspond with Scripture?

Here's, I'm doing what Scripture says and it doesn't seem to happen. Does it mean that's not God's Word? Let me try and get an answer to it. And it's such a person who comes to the answer. So I don't have the full answer to it, but I have said, well, there must be something and I've got a wee bit of an answer.

What sometimes the Lord says, says to me, I ask the Lord, why isn't that person healed? And the Lord says, there's something in that person's life you don't know about. And I'm not going to tell you. I said, okay.

That means there's something in that person's life unsettled with the Lord, which the Lord has not told me and I don't want to know also. Or something not yielded, some area not yielded. So, no matter how much you pray, you know, the pipe is blocked.

So the tank may be full of water, but there's no water flowing out from the tap because somewhere along the line there's a blockage that only that person can deal with. And that is the reason why sometimes the blessing of God does not flow.

I can only know what's in my heart. If there's a blockage in my heart, I'll know. I can never know if there's a blockage in your heart. You can look very holy, look very humble. I don't know. I don't know whether you've yielded all to God, whether you're humbling yourself, whether you've forgiven everybody.

I don't have a clue. But it could, it must be. I mean, I would be exercised if I sought God for something, which is promised in Scripture, and I didn't get it. It would exercise me. It would exercise me for 10 years or 20 years until I get an answer.

You know, Paul had a thorn in the flesh. And he prayed for it to be healed and he didn't get healed. He didn't just sit back and say, oh well. He said, God, I've got to seek you. You've got to tell me.

What's the reason for that? And he sought God. You're reading the Scriptures three times. 2 Corinthians 12. I say, no. He sought God until he got an answer. That's the point you need to see. Not three times.

If he didn't get the answer the third time, he'd have sought a fourth time. He sought God until he got an answer. Now, most Christians, when they find something doesn't happen, they don't seek God until they get an answer.

They give up halfway. You know, it's like the people I've said on the day of waiting for the Holy Spirit. Supposing before the day of Pentecost came, somebody got tired and went away. He missed it. Maybe he waited for six or seven days and went away.

But there are others who waited all the way and said, God, you promised something. You'll do it. Maybe I have to wait, but I'm going to get it. That is faith, confidence. You know the two examples of prayer that Jesus gave us?

Both teach the widow went to the judge and the judge again and again and again. You've got to do it for me. And the man went to his neighbor's house and knocked and knocked and said, you've got to do this for me.

And then Jesus said, everyone who asks like this will get. So if you didn't get, that means you didn't ask like that. You sort of knocked 25 times and gave up. The guy's not opening the door, forget it.

But then you don't get. But the one who asks like this receives. And the one who knocks like this, the door is always open. So that's the thing. It could be something wrong in our life, which is not some blockage, something not settled somewhere.

It could be a lack of persistence. I also sought the Lord about this matter of you know, laying hands on people. It's described in Hebrews 6 as one of the foundational doctrines. And I was thinking, what does this mean, this laying on our hands?

You know, we can understand some of the other things. Hebrews 6 speaks about repentance. And it's primarily speaking about repentance from legalism, by the way. Not just repentance from sin. Repentance from legalism.

Oh, do you know that many people have never repented of their legalism? Dead works means legalism. Repentance from sin, yes. But we've got to go beyond that to repentance from legalism. Anyway, that's not my subject.

And faith, we understand that a little bit. Baptisms, Washington means baptisms, which is baptism in water, baptism in the Holy Spirit. Laying on of hands. Then finally resurrection, then eternal judgment.

The Meaning of Laying on of Hands and Christian Ritual

So, here it says, one of the foundational doctrines is laying on of hands. And that's usually when we are praying for somebody who's sick or for the gifts of the Holy Spirit. What does this laying on of hands mean?

You've probably heard me say that you should not allow anybody to lay hands on you. Because when somebody lays hands on your head, you are submitting to the spirit that is in that man and to the authority of that person.

It's not just a ritual. For many people it is a ritual. You know, like breaking a bread is a ritual for thousands of Christians. Baptism is a ritual for millions of people. Laying on of hands is also a ritual for many people, but for some people, breaking a bread is not a ritual.

It's meaningful. For some Christians, baptism is not a ritual. It's meaningful. And for some Christians, laying on of hands is not a ritual. For many sisters, covering their head is a ritual. They don't even know what it means.

Let's do it as a ritual. But for some, it's meaningful. For many brothers, their head uncovered is just a ritual. I just don't cover my head. They don't have a clue why they don't cover their head. It's a ritual.

I don't cover my head. But for other people, it's meaningful. I don't have time to talk about that now, but everything is meaningful in scripture. And if you do it with meaning, it means something. It produces a blessing.

If you do it in a meaningless way, you miss what God has in it for you. So, laying on of hands means you're submitting to the spirit of that person who's laying hands on you to submit to you. And I have discovered that when I pray for somebody as an elder, if that person has total confidence in me and submission, very often they get healed.

I discovered that through the years. And for other people, for whom it's just a ritual, nothing happens. So what can I do about that? Nothing. I can't do anything about it because I'm not here to tell people what they should do.

There are little things like this where we go through something as a ritual and nothing happens. And nothing will happen. You can go through breaking a bread. Nothing happens. It's supposed to bring a blessing.

It says about the people in Emmaus that when the Lord broke bread, their eyes were opened. But for many people, nothing happens even in 20 years. Their eyes never get opened at all because it's just a ritual.

So we must fight every type of ritual and say, Lord, everything must be meaningful. I want to go from faith to faith to faith. I've got faith for something. I want faith for something more. And let me turn now to Romans chapter 10.

In Romans chapter 10, there's a lovely verse. Verse 11. It's a beautiful verse. I don't know whether we have thought about it enough. It's an Old Testament quotation. Romans chapter 10, verse 11. Whoever believes in Jesus will not be disappointed.

There's a song we sing sometimes called, He's Not a Disappointment. I just want you to look at the words of that on the screen. He is not a disappointment. Jesus is far more to me than in all my glowing daydreams I had fancied He could be.

And the more I get to know Him, the more I find Him true, the more I long that others should be led to know Him too. He's not a disappointment. He saved my soul from sin, all the guilt, all the anguish which oppressed my heart within.

He is banished by His presence. Blessed is the peace that has assured my heart forever, that His love for me will never cease. He's not a disappointment. He's coming by and by in my heart. I have the witness that His coming draweth nigh.

All the scoffers may despise me and no change around me, but He tells me He's coming. And that's quite enough for me. He's not a disappointment. He's all in all to me. You know, in the original, it was Savior, Sanctifier, Healer.

Some who didn't believe in it have also changed it to Helper. The unchanging Christ is He. He has won my heart's affections and He meets my every need. He's not a disappointment for He satisfies indeed.

Is that all? See, there's one verse missing in that. And I'll tell you what it is. He is not a disappointment. He has healed my body too. And then it goes on to say, when on earth He healed diseases as they touched Him in the throng, has He lost His heart of pity?

Is the risen Christ less strong? When on earth He healed diseases as they touched Him in the throng, has He lost His heart of pity? Is the risen Christ less strong? But we know that multitudes touched Him.

One woman got healed because she touched in faith. It's faith that God honors, not touch. Thousands can touch. One touches in faith. That's it. You know, when we come to a meeting, we throng around Jesus because Jesus is here.

I believe the Lord is here right now. The risen Lord. We throng around Him. We sit around Him. We listen to Him. But maybe one woman touches Him in faith. Or a man. Or a young child. And something happens to that person, which only that person knows.

And the rest of us, we're happy. We met with the Lord and went away with our problem completely unsolved. Is it possible that we are missing something? Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.

Brothers and sisters, that should be our honest testimony. I have trusted in Him and He is not a disappointment. He has saved me from sin. He has done for me everything that He has promised. One of the great challenges that has come to my own heart is, I say, Lord, I never want to get stuck in a religion that's a ritual.

I don't want a Christianity that's just a whole lot of doctrines and theories. In what way must we be different from other Christians, if at all? If it's only that we have some doctrines that we preach, which other people don't preach.

Well, we have more doctrines than others. It's like saying, well, in my vegetable shop, I sell more vegetables than the other chap. I've got some rare vegetables which that fellow doesn't sell. It's not such a great thing.

You know, I feel that our calling is to demonstrate by our life, by our faith, that Jesus Christ is risen. He's not dead. Most of Christendom proclaims more Christ died for our sins than Christ is risen from the dead.

I'm absolutely sure all of us have probably seen a hundred times more pictures of Jesus on the cross than Jesus coming out of the grave. Tell me if I'm right or not. All the pictures that you've seen in different places, in different homes, storybooks, bible books, aren't they pictures of Jesus hanging on a cross?

Rarely do you see a picture of Jesus coming out of the grave. That is what we need to see. Jesus risen. And the apostles always spoke about the fact that we are witnesses of his resurrection. You read in the Acts of the Apostles, not once did they say we are witnesses of his crucifixion.

They were witnesses of his crucifixion. They saw him die, but that's not the point. Because witnesses of his crucifixion means what? This nice man, like the people in Emmaus said, yeah, we thought he would be the one who could deliver us.

But poor man, he died. He was a nice man, you know. He helped a lot of people. But he died. And we are witnesses of the fact that he died. But he was such a nice man. And I want to be like him. I want to be a nice man like him.

I want to wash people's feet and I want to be humble like him. And I want to do so many things like him. He's such a wonderful example for me. But poor man, he died. This is exactly the testimony of many of us.

I want to be like him. I want to be forgiving like him. I want to be gracious like him. I want to be good like him. Yeah, yeah, great. But is he risen? Is he alive? Is he the same yesterday, today and forever?

I don't know about all that, but he's a nice man. I want to be like Jesus. Mahatma Gandhi wanted to be like Jesus too. Many, many people. But our calling is to show the world that Jesus is alive. And you and I have to say that we have failed to a large extent in that.

I think it's a failure of faith. How many of you will take that as a challenge, not in your head, but in your heart? Lord, I want to take that seriously. I want to be a witness by my life of the fact that Jesus is alive.

He's alive. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. He's not dead and gone like some good man who died and went. You know, the whole country admires Mahatma Gandhi as a wonderful man. He cared for the lepers.

He treated all religious people the same. Definitely he was a very good man, but poor man, somebody killed him and he died. Is it like that with Jesus? He also was a good man who did so many things and said so many nice things, but poor man, he finally died.

Or is he alive? Risen. That is what it means to have faith. The righteous shall live by faith. So, earlier in Romans 10, let's go to Romans 9, 30. He speaks about the Gentiles, that is the non-Jewish people, who did not seek after righteousness.

They attained righteousness, which is the righteousness which is by faith. But the Jewish people, Israel, they pursued a law of righteousness and did not arrive at it. Isn't that interesting? That people who were eagerly pursuing after righteousness didn't get it.

And some other fellows who didn't pursue after righteousness, they got it. Seems a bit unfair on God's part. And you can apply that to yourself. And say, Lord, I've been pursuing after something and I didn't get it.

How is it somebody else got it? I mean, don't we feel, for example, in our church, most of us, that we are pursuing holiness more than some of these other people in other churches? Why is it some of them are nicer people than some of us are?

Why is it some of them are holier than some of us are? Why is that? Why is it some of them seem to come to a life which we never seem to come to? That's something we need to think about. Here is the answer.

They got it by faith. Whereas Israel tried to get it by their own. They were absorbed in it says here in the Message Bible, instead of trusting God, they took over. And they were absorbed in what they themselves were doing that they didn't get in touch with God Himself.

They were absorbed in their doing this thing right and doing that thing right. And they completely lost touch with God. You know, it's really impossible for us to pursue righteousness and have no contact with God.

That's a great danger, the warning that we get from here. You can pursue, you want to be holy here and you want to be holy here and you want to be holy there and you have no contact with God at all. That's what we are warned here.

And then you stumble. It says here. They were so absorbed in their projects for God that they completely didn't notice God at all. And so he goes on in saying there was a difference between that righteousness which Moses proclaimed in chapter 10, which is verse 5, based on the law.

But this which we are proclaiming now in verse 8, is a word of faith. And what is it? If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and now notice the next phrase. Two very important things to notice. First of all, believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead.

Confessing Jesus as Lord and Believing in the Resurrection

Number one, where do you believe? Not in the mind. In your heart. And there's a world of difference between believing in the mind that Christ died for you and believing in your heart that Christ died for you.

When you believe in your heart, something is born, something happens. A connection is made. I mean, it's like the difference between having electricity and understanding the theory of electricity. In the mind you can explain everything about electricity and there's no connection.

There's no light. So, there's a lot of difference between faith, which is in our mind. And I feel that with many many Christians, and perhaps many of us, what we call faith is in our mind. Ah, you know that Romans 6 .14 says, sin shall not have dominion over you.

Yeah, I believe that. Sin shall not have dominion over me. And I'm convinced about this and that and all the other things I hear about faith and the meanings. And I think I got it. Well, it's obvious you haven't got it because you're still defeated by sin.

And many other things we say, yeah, I believe. But we don't really believe because it's in our mind. It's not in our heart. And so we see here if you believe in your heart. And the second thing you notice here is not believe that Christ died for our sins.

Now, we would think that is what we should believe. But no. It says you've got to believe that God raised Him from the dead. It's the resurrection. Then you'll be saved. Now, if you were witnessing to somebody, how many of you would think of telling him, you've got to believe that God raised Jesus from the dead.

Have you noticed in your witnessing to people that you almost never talk about that. You're saying, you've got to believe that Christ died for your sins. That's not what it says here. If you want to be saved, you've got to believe that in your heart that God raised Him from the dead.

So there are two very important things here we've got to understand about faith. One is it is in the heart. And second, the emphasis is not on the death of Jesus, which is important, but the resurrection.

And of course, the resurrection means the death is included. But if you only speak about death, resurrection is not included. If you say Christ died for our sins, okay. But if you say Christ was raised from the dead, then it includes both, because He was dead and He was raised.

So one includes both, but if you talk about Christ died for our sins, it's only one. So you've got to believe that God raised Him from the dead. That means He died and He was raised. So faith is these two things I hope you will always remember.

It's not in your mind. It's in your heart. And very often we think we have believed, but it's in our mind. And that's why we don't get it. You say, I believe God for this. Nothing happens. The prayer of faith shall save the sick.

Where? Faith where? In the heart. Not in the head. Then you'll be saved. So then it says, if you believe in Him like this, you will never be disappointed. I am firmly convinced that all of us need to ask God to give us more faith in the fact that Jesus conquered death.

See, man has many problems. You and I have many problems in life. And you know some very pressing problems. It could be a sickness that's never healed. Or it could be a financial problem that's pressing.

But of all the problems that you can ever think of, we can say the biggest is death. There's nothing more serious than death. I mean, if you have a financial problem that's inferior to death, right? Which is more serious?

Your child is sick or your child is dead? Or which is more serious? That you have a your daughter's got a financial problem or your son's got a financial problem or he's dead? There's no problem more serious than death.

It is the greatest problem of all. Everything else is inferior to that. So when it says Jesus conquered death, it includes all the other things. Have you noticed in the Old Testament it says, you read that in 1 Samuel 17, that when David killed Goliath, who was number one, what does it say?

All the other Philistines ran away. They couldn't stand there when their leader was dead. So when it says Jesus conquered death, which is man's greatest problem, that means he can solve every other problem.

We've got to see it like that. That's why the resurrection from the dead is so important. And that's the proof that God can solve every problem. Because he solved man's greatest problem. So, we have to really seek God and say, Lord, is there something I have missed on earth?

I want to seek you about it. And that's why the devil leads us into so many different avenues concerning faith. See, if I would ask you, what is the biggest enemy of faith? What is it? Unbelief? Let's turn to Proverbs chapter 3.

Trusting the Lord With the Heart

Proverbs chapter 3. Even though this is Old Testament, you know, sometimes I feel Proverbs is the one book in the Old Testament which is like a new covenant book. God gives his grace to the humble. It's in Proverbs.

It's amazing. It's in Proverbs 3 .34. You know. He gives grace to the humble. It's quoted in the New Testament. But it's amazing. These things are in the Old Testament. About the tongue. Death and life are in the part of the tongue.

James says, if you can't control your tongue, your religion is worth zero, means you're dead. It's in Proverbs. Proverbs is an amazing book. It's like a new covenant book in the Old Testament. See what it says in verse 5.

Trust in the Lord with all not your minds, but your heart. That's amazing. That in the Old Testament, there's a verse like that. We missed it. We have put faith in the mind when it should always be in the heart.

And we think we have got faith, but it's only in the mind. That's why we don't get something. We say, Lord, I believe. You said nothing is impossible to the one who believes. Yes. But where? You believe in the mind?

Everything is impossible to you. But the one who believes in his heart, nothing is impossible to him. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and what is the enemy of faith? Now listen to the enemy of faith.

Don't lean on your head. On your mind. Do you know that the mind is the enemy of faith? It hinders your faith, your understanding. That's what this verse says. Don't lean on your own understanding, but trust in the Lord with all your heart.

It's like a opposite, you know. Like Jesus said, you can't love God and money. We can understand that. But here's another thing. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean upon your mind. But we're leaning upon our mind all the time.

We hear a message and say, I've got faith now. Where? In your mind, you understood something. No, that's not it. We really need to ask God to give us light on this. And if you do that, and you acknowledge him in all your ways, he will make your paths absolutely straight.

What a wonderful verse. He will make my path, my crooked path, he will make it absolutely straight. He'll do that. He will do it if I trust him with all my heart. See, so this is one of the big deceptions of Satan that he's he doesn't mind people talking about faith and urging people to have faith so long as it stays in the mind and you understand it all and you think you got it all and you look at your life and it doesn't seem to work and nothing seems to work and you say, well, I suppose it's like that.

And you say, well, I suppose it's God's will. When 99 of the things you ask for don't happen and you say it's God's will. Well, how in the world am I supposed to know if anything is God's will? Jesus said if you earthly fathers know how to give good things to your children, how much more shall your heavenly father give good things to those who ask him?

And I've been tremendously exercised by that. I say, Lord, I know what I would give my children and compared to you, I'm an evil father. You're supposed to be much better than me. And do you give your children something which I don't give?

How the devil has fooled so many Christians. It's like God sitting in heaven and that child of mine, what do you think I should give him? I think I'll give him a road accident. What about that one there?

Maybe tuberculosis is the best for him. And what about that one there? Maybe cancer for him. That one there, perhaps AIDS. That would be really good for him. Can you imagine a God in heaven? Can you imagine a father planning like this for his children?

And the number of believers who sit and say, oh, it's God's will. Well, if you accept it, according to your faith, be it unto you. I don't believe I have a father in heaven who's sitting there planning all these evil things for me.