(The Missing Messages in Today's Christianity) Being Godly Parents — Zac Poonen

We're going to have two sessions, and now we're going to continue where we left off at our last session. In our last session, we spoke about the missing message in a lot of our churches anyway and many churches, particularly in India, of husband-wife relationships.

The Christian Home as the Foundation of the Church

That's around the world. We must remember that the devil is seeking to attack the Christian home, because he knows that if he can destroy the Christian home, he can destroy the church. It's very important to recognize that the church is built on the home, and the home is built on the individual Christian's walk with God, and the individual Christian's walk with God is built on the foundation of God's perfect love.

So here is a three-story building. The foundation is God's perfect love for us, and the first story on top of that is our personal individual walk with God, husband walking with God, wife walking with God.

On top of that is the home, husband, wife, children, and on top of that is the church. That is a missing message in Christendom today, because many, many great Christian preachers who got tremendous gift do not have a good relationship with their wives.

Many great preachers that you read of, you'd be surprised to know, some of the great people you see on television, Christian television, famous people, wonderful teachers, if you go into their family life, you'll be surprised to discover they are divorced, they couldn't get along with their wives, wives couldn't get along with them, or they were unfaithful to their wives and went and slept with some other woman.

They were committed adultery. This is the state of today's Christendom. And the other thing, which of course you see more in India also, the children of some of these great preachers are all wayward. They're not following the Lord, many of them, rebellious, disrespectful to their parents, disobedient.

So the third story is shaking. Why? Because there is no proper second story. They're trying to build a third story on thin air. And the second story is shaking, family relationship, because they don't have an individual walk with God.

That's why they are unfaithful to their wives and husbands. It's very, very sad. This is the state of affairs in the world, around the world today. And all because we're not rooted on the perfect love of God for us.

Obedience as a Response to God's Perfect Love

The foundation, we must be absolutely convinced. God loves me perfectly. He delights in me. And every commandment He has given in His word is out of His tremendous love for me. Don't you parents know that?

When you tell your teenage daughter, you must come home by such and such a time, you must not be later than such and such a time. I don't want to specify the time because I don't know what time you have set in your home.

And I never had a teenage daughter. I got daughters only after they came into their 20s. But don't you parents know that when you make a rule like that, it's for their good? But those teenage daughters don't know that.

It's like that. Most of God's people don't know that when God places a restriction, it is for their good. We are as stupid as those teenage girls. So when you see those teenage girls being rebellious, remember, that's how we are towards God very often.

God says don't do this, we go and do it. God says do this, we take it lightly. But when we are perfectly grounded in the perfect love of God, we say, God, everything you have commanded in your word is absolutely the best for me.

And God says, oh, I wish that my people would realize that. That everything I've commanded, they would do it so that it might go well with them. Do you know that just like you want it to go well with your children, God wants it to go well with you?

How many of you parents want it to go badly with even one of your children? You've got to be an evil parent to be like that. Even evil parents want it to go well with their children. Multiply that by a million and you'll understand how well God wants it to go with you.

I believe that. It's changed my life to recognize that God wants it to go well with me. Every day of my life, He wants it to go well with me. And everything He tells me is so that it may go well with me.

And that's why I want to strictly obey the word of God. Why do I want to study the Bible? Because I want to know what God has said that it might go well with me. In a sense, it's a very selfish thing to do.

I want it to go well with me because my Heavenly Father wants it to go well with me. If this whole book is a book of God's love for me, some of it may be quite strict. That's all His love for me, just like you're strict with your teenage children.

Building the Home According to God's Pattern

And so, how shall I build a home? Exactly like it says in the book. I want to show you a little expression in the book of Exodus. Build your home like Moses built the tabernacle. Okay? Moses had so many brilliant ideas when he was 40 years old in Egypt.

He studied in the best academies in Egypt. And you can read all the great books written by psychologists on how to have a happy home and all that type of stuff. But there's nothing to beat the Bible. Moses had all that wisdom from Egypt and God said, that's not the way I'm going to build my tabernacle.

I want to give you a pattern for the tabernacle, do it according to that. Exodus 39, we read an expression that comes 15 or 20 times in these two chapters. One of those is in the last verse of 39, verse 43, Moses examined all the work and beheld they had done it just as the Lord commanded.

He had done so, Moses blessed them. Moses had given some details to the workers saying, this is how you must do this, this must be the length of this, this must be the material for this, the curtains must be made of this, this, this, this, this, this.

Finally, he examined everything exactly like the Lord commanded. And then we read many times in this chapter 40, it says, verse 16, Moses did as the Lord commanded him. Right through that, many, many times it keeps on saying, just as the Lord commanded, verse 21, last part, just as the Lord commanded Moses, 23, last part, just as the Lord commanded Moses, 25, and on and on and on and on, till the end of the chapter, thus, verse 33, Moses finished the work.

Just as the Lord commanded Moses, verse 32, thus he finished the work. And when he finished the work, it comes a number of times, I don't have time to show it all to you. When he did everything as the Lord commanded, you know what happens?

The same thing will happen in your home. The glory of the Lord, verse 34, filled the tabernacle. And they couldn't enter because the glory of God was there. Don't you want that in your home? Oh, I long for that more than better furniture, better curtains.

I don't care. Lord, I'm willing to live with old furniture and old curtains. And, but I want your glory. I want people who come into my home to sense the presence of God. I want them to be blessed. Not only my home, I say, if people enter my compound, they must be blessed.

Just like in the tabernacle, the glory of God was there. I long that my home, I prayed for that, that every person who enters my compound will be blessed, enters my home will be blessed. Not by me, but by the Lord who is there.

And that's why I want my home to be a home of peace. Because God dwells where there is peace. And it's the God of peace who will crush Satan under our feet. Romans 16, 20. If there is no peace in your home, Satan cannot be crushed.

You may not know that, but Satan knows that. And that's why he always tries to bring unrest into your home, either between husband and wife or between parents and children. Perpetual unrest. Be alert, head of the home.

Husbands, be alert. If your wife is upset, keep your mouth shut. Sisters, maybe you're more godly. If your husband is upset, keep your mouth shut. At least one of you bring peace into the home. Maybe fellowship has not yet come, but start with peace.

Next step will be fellowship. You know, as I said, you need two hands to make a noise. If one hand refuses to cooperate, there's no fight, there's peace. If both cooperate, there's fellowship. So, that's how it must be in a home.

A Home Where Jesus Dwells

The glory of God must fill our homes. We need homes in India where the glory of God fills it. It may be a hut or it may be a palace. It makes no difference to God. Jesus was born in a stable. He was quite at home in poor people's homes.

He was quite at home in rich people's homes. He wasn't against this or against that. Some Christians are against rich people's homes. That's because you're not like Jesus. Jesus could go equally to a rich person's home and a poor person's home.

It was just the same to Him. Because He knew these things don't make a difference. This one stone will not remain upon another. So, what does it matter whether it's a palace or a hut? It's the people.

It's their peace in this home. That's what the Lord was looking for. And that's what He looks for in your home and mine. Seek to be a home where Jesus can dwell. You know, when I got baptized in the Holy Spirit, a renewal of the baptism in the Holy Spirit, 32 years ago, nearly 32 years ago, it was January 1975, the brother with whom I was praying, as he was leaving our house, this is January 1975, he said, Zach, I want to leave a word with you.

It is a prophetic word. I never realized it then. He said, this is the word that I want to leave with you. The news went around. That Jesus was in the house. Mark chapter 2 verse 1. The news went around that Jesus was in the house.

And I never knew that 6 -7 months later, the church would start meeting in our home. But I've never forgotten that word he left with me. The news went around that Jesus was in the house. I said, Lord, whatever price I have to pay, whatever people may say about me, let the news go around that Jesus dwells here.

When Jesus actually came to Jerusalem and Judea, they didn't think He was the Son of God. You know what they called Him? What did they call Him? Bilzebul, Prince of Devils. So all may not recognize it.

Paul says, we are a saver of life to some and a saver of death to some. There was a man, there was a Pentecostal man in Bangalore some years ago who hated me so much. He wrote a tract called The Head of the Serpent is in 16 Dacosta Square.

Spirit of the Antichrist. It doesn't matter what people say. They called my Savior, Savior, Prince of Devils. That man, I don't know where he is. He's dead and gone. He could never build anything. I have nothing against him.

I don't know whether he's in heaven or hell today. He doesn't bother me. But I know, whatever people may say, I have seen how the Lord has blessed different people who have entered my home. Poor people, rich people, it makes no difference.

I believe your home must be like that. Throw your home open to God's people. God will bless you. Reward you. As you're able to have meetings, have meetings in your home, even if your home is small, gather three, four people there once in a while and have a prayer meeting.

Share God's Word with them. Let the news go around that Jesus is in your house. Not only at the meeting time. Anytime if people walk in, they see husband and wife loving the Lord. The husband, the head of the home.

The wife in her position as a submissive wife and a helper to her husband. And children who are God-fearing, who obey daddy and mommy, who help daddy and mommy. Think if you can have a home like that.

Whether you have two children or ten children, that there's a testimony there. This is missing in today's Christianity. You hardly hear much teaching on the home in most Christian churches because most pastors and preachers don't have the authority.

They cannot stand up and say, I never shouted my wife 365 days of the year. They can't say that. How can they preach about it then? Unless they're hypocrites. They can't say that all my children are born again and baptized.

Because many of them are not. So, we must fight the battle here and say, Lord, we want a home like that. You remember what God told Moses before he built the sanctuary. He said in Exodus 25, The Lord said to Moses, It's amazing.

It says in verse 2, Exodus 25 verse 2, The Lord said to Moses saying, Tell the sons of Israel to raise a contribution for me. Every man whose heart moves him, you shall raise a contribution. You are to raise from them gold, silver, bronze, blue, purple, scarlet.

Have you ever thought how this bunch of slaves got so much money? Do a bunch of slaves have gold and silver and scarlet and all that? Do you know there's a little verse written in the book of Exodus that when they left Egypt, God told the Israelites, let me paraphrase it, You fellows have worked here for 430 years and they have not paid you your salary.

Go and tell the Israelites to pay you your salary before you leave. Collect gold and silver from them. Is there anything wrong in collecting your salary? Imagine if you got 430 years of salary all together once.

They came out as millionaires. I don't have time to show you that verse. And now the Lord said, see how I have blessed you? You never expected that. You thought you'd come out as slaves. You'll come out as millionaires.

Now give some of that to build my home. Build, verse 8, a sanctuary for me that I may dwell in your midst. They were not doing God a favor. God gave them such an abundance that they gave a little bit of that to God.

You can only give to God what He has given to you. What is your home to be? A sanctuary, a holy place where God can live. Build it according to the pattern, not according to your Egyptian wisdom, not according to the wisdom of Egypt's psychologists, but according to the Word of God.

You'll have a godly home. And years later, when you come to my age, you should be able to say, come and see. You may not be able to say that when your children are small, but as you grow up, you should be able to say to others, come and see.

Come and see how my wife and I live together. Come and live with us and see. Come and see how our children are, how they have grown up. I'm not saying that they will grow up perfectly. I never expected my children to be like tin soldiers in the house.

You know, when they were small, people would come and ask me, Brother Zach, do your boys ever fight with each other? Yeah, I said they're normal. They're all children of Adam. They fight. I don't allow them to fight physically.

That happens even once I stop them, separate them and tell them to go and lie down on their beds for a few hours till they cool off. But if they argue with words, I say, oh, that's okay. Words are just...

But one thing I found about children fighting, with words, they can fight as if they are the biggest enemies and half an hour later, they are the biggest friends. But when grown-ups fight, oh, husband and wife won't talk to each other for days.

Learn from your children how they argue and become friends so quickly again. It's not serious if your children have these little tussles and when they go into their teenage years, they go through a little patch, up and down.

Some go through smoothly, some go through a difficult patch. You know why? Because they are children becoming adults. They are sort of in a transitional stage. They are neither here nor there. The parents think they are babies and they think they are adults.

Both are wrong. Parents think, oh, my little baby, he is not your little baby anymore. And the little baby who is probably 15 years old thinks I am a man. You are not a man, brother. You are still a kid.

So it's because both are wrong. The little 15-year-old thinks he is a man and the parent thinks he is still a 3-year-old. You can't treat a 15-year-old like a 3-year-old. No, you can't. As far as I can remember, I did not physically beat my children once they came into their teenage years.

I felt I had to pray with them and love them and judge myself. That's the position I took, that if my teenage children... I mean, I was born again before they were born, so I tried my best to discipline them.

Some may ask me, did you discipline your youngest son as much as your oldest son? I say, perhaps not. But that's partly because I was a little older and when you get older, you get a little more patient and a little more control over your temper than when you are young.

And what to do? I mean, if I became a father at the age of 67, like right now, I would do most things so perfectly. But unfortunately, I became a father when I was 29 and I was pretty stupid and foolish, like all of you.

So, I often wondered, Lord, why you didn't allow us to become fathers after we become 70 or something like that? And I think, you know, if I was never a parent, I would still be as foolish when I'm 70.

That's what we don't realize. We learn wisdom as our children grow up. And you can read all the books on marriage and hear all the messages on marriage and still do some of the foolish things I did when I was 29.

Because you got to learn it the hard way. You know, like children learning to walk. Supposing from the time your child is born, you say, I'm going to teach you how to walk. I'll tell you, I've had enough experience.

I'll tell you, tell you. It'll still stumble and fall a thousand times and learn to walk. So don't be afraid of making mistakes as parents. We'll all make mistakes. Acknowledge them before God. I used to punish my children with anger.

But I used to repent of it because I knew the discipline was right, the anger was wrong. And I used to go before God frequently and cry out and say, Lord, please help me. I need to eliminate the anger from my discipline.

The discipline is right. The anger is wrong. Sometimes I punished my children wrongly. And I've had to repent of that before God. Now the question is, did I go to my children each time I punished them wrongly or in anger and apologize to them?

Should I? I should. But I didn't. I'll tell you why. Because I felt that they were not old enough at six or seven years of age to understand the difference between anger and discipline. So if I go to my six-year-old and say, listen, I'm sorry I beat you with anger that time.

Okay, Dad, I forgive you. And then next day or next week, again I beat them with anger. Again, he'll lift up and say, okay, Dad, I forgive you. And the next time I beat him, he'll say, okay, I know what that is.

He's going to come back after five minutes and apologize to me. He'll never appreciate my discipline because he doesn't have wisdom. So you know what I did? I never apologized to them. When they all became 18 years, I gave them a consolidated apology for all the years I made a mistake.

Say, I did it wrong, but please forgive me. Because then they were old enough to appreciate it. You know, it's like a servant in your home or supposing you're a supervisor in an office and every time you did something wrong, you went and apologized for the anger.

That guy's not even a Christian. He'll have no respect for your authority. So you've got to be wise. Don't live by laws. Be wise. See whether the other person understands what you're trying to say. And children sometimes don't understand.

Then you've got to repent only before God. So, some people are so legalistic. They do things in a legalistic way, mess up, make situations worse than it was before. But I believe it's right to discipline because the Bible says that I want to go to the New Testament.

Discipline, Compassion, and the Father's Authority

You know, people say, Brother Zach, don't go to the Old Testament and these things because you always preach to us from the New Testament. Okay. I used to go more to Proverbs in the old days. You know, Train up a child in the way he should go.

When he's old, he will not depart from it. And foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of correction will drive it far from him. These are verses. It's true. But I want to turn to the New Testament.

Hebrews chapter 12. And it says here in verse 5, You have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons. My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are rebuked by Him.

Listen to this. Those whom the Lord loves, He disciplines. What does the Lord do to those whom He loves? He disciplines. And every son whom He receives, every single, that means son and daughter, there's no exception.

What does He do? What does your Bible say? Scourges. You see my belt? That's scourging. Scourging is with leather. It's not a rod. It's scourging. The Lord does it. Don't try to be more spiritual than God.

If God does it to His children, it says in the next verse, It is for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with sons. It's true. I have never scourged or disciplined those who are not my children.

Even in the church. I treat people in the church as my children. I discipline them. People in other churches, they can do ten times worse things. I don't do anything to them. We only discipline our own children.

And listen to this expression. Read it carefully. What son or daughter is there whom his father does not discipline? In the first century, Paul could say that. In the 21st century, we'd say, not Paul, whoever wrote Hebrews, I'll show you thousands of fathers like that today.

And you see the result in today's rebellious children who have no respect for older people, who got religion without spirituality, because their fathers never taught them discipline. I read somewhere that sometime in the 1940s, a book came out in the United States of America called Baby and Child Care, written by Dr. Benjamin Spock.

That became the standard book for all parents of that period to bring up their children. And he said, don't discipline your children. The result was seen in the 1960s when all the children became hippies.

Lots of them. Rebellion. Such a thing had never happened in the United States for so many years. I read this somewhere. It's not my research, but I read this somewhere. The influence of the teaching of one man whose book was accepted as standard No, no, no.

We don't discipline our children. There are better ways. Negotiate and... Negotiate? What are they, business partners or something that you negotiate with them? They neglected God's word and they reaped the consequences.

Well, thankfully, that book was not circulated much in India. But it says, what son is there whom his father does not discipline? It's because you love. And whom the Lord loves, He disciplines. If you love your child, you will correct him and discipline him.

And because even God put man under law before He brought him under grace. And law involved punishment. Have you heard the story of the carrot and the stick? The carrot and the stick means the way to get a donkey to move forward is hold a carrot in front of him, the donkey will keep going.

If he doesn't move, use a stick behind him, he'll move forward. The carrot and the stick. And this is the same principle with which we bring up children. Offer them a reward or punish them. That is how God brought up Israel under the law.

If you obey me, I'll give you this, this, this, this, this, this, this. If you don't obey me, I'll punish you with this, this, this, this. It was the carrot and the stick. You can't be better than God.

And children are under the law in their younger days. They are not under grace. They haven't come to the life of walking in the spirit. And any person who is not walking in the spirit is under law, even if he is 50 years old.

If you are not filled with the spirit, my brother, sister, even if you are 100 years old, please be under the law. Otherwise, you'll live a life more wicked than Old Testament people. The law, every man who does not walk in the spirit must be under the law.

And children do not know what it is to be in the spirit. And therefore, they have to be kept under the law. And the law has a carrot and a stick. You read in the Old Testament, go to Deuteronomy 28, it's very clear.

So, which son is there whom his father does not discipline? And listen to this, verse 8, if you are without discipline, which all children become partakers, then you are not really God's sons. You are illegitimate.

You are an illegitimate child if God doesn't discipline you. Furthermore, verse 9, we had earthly fathers to discipline us. That was universal in the first century. All fathers disciplined their children.

And we respected them. Yah, one day your child will respect you if you discipline them. And we, shall we not much rather be subject to the father of spirits and live. Further, verse 10, earthly fathers disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them.

That means we don't do it perfectly. That also is recognized in scripture. We don't do it perfectly because we are not perfect. But God, who is perfect, disciplines us perfectly. All discipline, whether we give to our children or God gives to us, verse 11, does not seem to be joyful.

No child appreciates a spanking. It is very painful. And when God disciplines us also, it's painful. If you are disciplined in the church, it is painful. But, to those who don't get offended by it, those who are trained by it, not everybody, those who allow that discipline to work in their life, afterwards, it will produce peace and righteousness.

How Children Come to Appreciate Their Fathers

So, fathers, don't be discouraged. I want to read something to you which, if I can find it, about how, you know, people consider their fathers. Somebody wrote this. At age 4, the child says, my daddy can do anything.

When he is 7 years, he says, my daddy knows quite a bit. When he is 9 years old, he says, well, dad doesn't really know everything. When he is 12 years old, he says, dad doesn't understand. When he is 14 years old, he says, dad is old-fashioned.

When he is 21 years old, he says, boy, my dad is completely out of touch with reality. When he is 25 years old, and he is close to getting married, yeah, I think dad is okay. When he is 30 years old, he says, I wonder what dad thinks about this, I'd like to know.

When he is 35, he says, I'd like to get my dad's opinion on this matter. When he is 50 years old, he thinks, what would my dad have done in this situation? What would he have thought of it? And when he is 60, well, my dad is not alive, I wish he were here, I could talk it over with him.

So don't get discouraged if they are at different stages and say different things. They'll change their mind as they grow older. Okay. Don't get discouraged if your children don't appreciate what you are doing for them right now.

One day afterwards, it will produce results that you'll be thankful for. Your children will thank you for the discipline, the correction, the strictness that you had at home concerning time when they should come back, certain things you have not allowed them to do.

You did not give them indefinite amount of money for them to spend as they like. You did not buy certain things because you said, son, we can't afford that in our home. You taught them to live with simple, simply and be frugal in the way they lived.

It will help them in the long run. Your children will not get into debt when they set up a home because they saw in your home you never bought anything that you couldn't afford. I've seen a lot of people, as soon as they get married, they get into debt.

They get married, they get into debt from the time of their wedding. Not at all a good testimony. If that happened to you, repent. Don't let your children see parents who are in debt. It's not a good testimony.

Cut down your expenditure. Let them see how you live at home, how you use money carefully, that money doesn't grow on trees, that you can just get it and spend it as you like. And especially, if you are a very rich person and you earn a lot of money, oh boy, you really need to be careful that you don't spoil your children by giving them everything they want, everything you can afford.

It's not wise. It's not good. It's good for children to learn to work, and not have everything done for them. It's good to have children to learn to struggle a little bit. That will make them tough to do work around the house and to...

Parents' Sacrifice for Education and Maturity

I believe, you know, in India how important it is for children to get an education. I believe that's one of the great things. Indian parents excel. I think they are some of the best parents in the world as far as this is concerned, that they really take seriously their children's education.

I've seen a lot of western homes where the parents don't even seem to bother whether children are educated or not. And those children grow up later on and struggle, struggle, struggle. Financially, they get into debt.

There are hardships. Because their parents never said, listen, we want to give you a good education. I was recently seeing a little life story video of this black, young African-American boy in America who grew up in a slum, in a ghetto, as they call it, with all bad friends.

I think his father had left him. Only his mother was bringing him up. You know, fights and quarrels. He almost killed somebody, etc. But his mother was determined to give him an education and worked hard and encouraged him and encouraged him.

And by the time he was around 32 years old, he became the top children's neurosurgeon in one of America's top hospitals doing unique operations. It's an amazing story. And it was due to a mother who was determined to give her son a good education.

You know, I believe that's something that parents need to take care of, that we allow our children to be able to stand on their own feet when they come of age, that we encourage them, and therefore it's important that parents take time to sit with their children, to do their homework, to teach them the subjects that are difficult for them to understand, or get help for them.

It's very important. I mean, it may mean effort, it may mean money, it may mean sacrifice, but when your children are one day standing on their own feet, they'll thank you for it. We've got to live for our children as parents.

That's the mark of a good father and mother, that you don't just think of yourself. You know, a good father and mother will always make sure that children get good food. If they can't afford good food for everybody, they'll deny themselves, and make their children have good food.

In the same way, we want to have it good for our children, give them a good education so they can be established on their own feet. They don't appreciate the value of education when they're 13, 14 years old.

They may want to play the fool, but they don't appreciate it enough. But we who are older, and we've lived in the world, we know how that's important for them. If it's only a good education that'll enable them to get a good salary later on, and be able to earn their own living so that they are not dependent on others, and they can stand on their own feet.

And there's a certain dignity that comes about them when they can stand on their own feet, and even spiritually. It helps them when they know that they're not having to constantly struggle, because their parents ignored their education.

I've come across a number of cases like that, of parents who couldn't care less for their children, and I've seen those children suffer, suffer, suffer, suffer, suffer. Please, we see it's unfortunate.

Some of them, their parents were not believers, they were godless, and such children can only forgive their parents. They were ignorant. Forgive them for they don't know what they did. But we need to learn lessons from that.

Restoring Fathers' Hearts to Their Children

And I want to say to you parents, don't get so busy with your work that you neglect your children. And not just education. I want to show you a verse in Malachi chapter 4. In Malachi chapter 4, we read this verse that we already saw.

In the last days, the Lord will send someone. The last verse of the Old Testament says, The Lord will restore the hearts of the fathers to the children through His servants, and the hearts of children to their fathers.