Keeping the Hearts of Your Children — Ann Brubaker

Hold him while he's little, he won't be little long. For all too soon will come the day, he won't be mama's song. For cuddling on the rocking chair, he's joined the busy throng. So hold him while he's little, he won't be little long.

Guide him while he's little, and show him how to be. A good obedient little boy, why not obsessed with me? Then you will find in years to come, a blessing he will be. So guide him while he's little, and show him how to be.

Love him while he's little, he needs your touch of grace. He needs the comfort you can give in just a sweet embrace. Thoughts of mom will bring him back with a smile upon his face. So love him while he's little, he needs your touch of grace.

Teaching Children to Love Scripture and Obey

Teach him while he's little, to love the Bible true. For it has all the answers to what he needs to do. To make his life fulfilling and keep it then in view. So teach him while he's little, to love the Bible true.

Hold him, guide him, love him, he'll soon be grown you'll see. Teach him while he's still a small and sitting on your knee. For if you do these while he's small, just for eternity. So hold him, guide him, love him, he'll soon be grown you'll see.

Hold him, guide him, love him, he won't be little long. Share these passionate thoughts that I feel in a compassionate way. Lord, I'm pleading for wisdom, I'm pleading for humility. Give me a soft and a tender heart Lord.

And I pray for every heart sitting here that you would help it to be open Lord. I don't want to lift up anything but your will. Father please I just ask you speak through me this evening. And speak to each one of these mothers.

Father, we hold in our laps, in our hearts, in our homes. The future body of Christ. It's not a little thing Father. And so help us this evening that somehow we could go home With something that will encourage us on.

That in the end you get the glory that you deserve From every one of these little souls. Father I ask it for Jesus sake. Probably the biggest thing I tremble about this evening Is the fact that sitting out here are sisters from so many different perspectives.

If I was sharing this with a bunch of our Ultramarine Baptist sisters I would know exactly what every one of you think. How you've been raised. That would be easier. But you have come from lots of different backgrounds.

You've come from hurting homes. You've maybe come from abuse. You've maybe come from anger. Maybe you've come from a solid sweet home. So I tremble a little bit. What I say comes from the passion in my heart.

That as mothers we feel the place God calls us to. But I realize I don't know how what I say sounds to you. So I'm asking you to have grace. I guess I really do want to share what I share. And I do share it in love.

But I guess I'm just asking you to please have grace for me. Please I am going to share a lot of information tonight. But I don't want you to feel overwhelmed with it. It's just a whole lot of thoughts and things That we have gleaned from some years of experience.

From the word of God. From asking our children why they are who they are. And so all of it may sound like a lot. But the bottom line is What I want to impress on us tonight. Is that as mothers we have a tremendous impact On the entire atmosphere in our home.

And that atmosphere has a tremendous impact on our children. So lots of things all coming together. And in the end I want to try to give a couple word pictures. To maybe try to put this into perspective Of the effect we have.

We want to look at first what it means To have and keep our children's hearts. Then why it is so important That we have and keep our children's hearts. And then some just practical ways That we can go about that.

Hope for Imperfect Homes

I can't make this all conclusive. I know we all know that and I couldn't anyway. Please understand me. We have not done this all right. Any of you that know anything about our past. Know that through our children's most formative years Our home was dysfunctional.

Literally. So let that give you courage. Our children are all born again. We do have their hearts. And let that give you the courage to believe That you don't have to do it all right. We're living testimony to that.

Your home doesn't have to be perfect. God is very able and God is very faithful. What we do have to do though Is search his word Do what we can with our whole hearts. He will fill in the gap I promise.

So don't be discouraged by the high standard That I want to lift up tonight. I believe it's biblical. We can't do it on our own. But God with by his Holy Spirit Through us and with his helping us He can.

There is hope. You have reason to have a living hope About having every one of your children's hearts Close to your own In working for the Lord. What he asks us to do He does give us the power to do. There's no question.

What It Means to Keep a Child's Heart

So let's look a little bit At what it means to have our children's hearts. We hear it all the time. We need to keep their hearts. We need to have their hearts. What does it mean? I use the word keep tonight.

Mostly because When we have a baby We have its heart. Babies love their mothers. Children love mothers that abuse them. I don't understand that. But it's the connection Between a mother's heart and a baby's heart.

So we have that heart. What we're going to do is keep it. Because we do For a short season there Before that will really begins to exert itself. We want to keep it. If you have not kept your children's hearts These same principles are still going to apply To win them back.

Okay I want to make this as simple as I can A definition of what it means To have your child's heart. And the bottom line is It means they love your authority. Not just submit to it Not just tolerate it.

But they love it. Okay In a very young child It means that you have discipline Lovingly and consistently. So they have a proper type of fear for you And obey you. Then as they get a little older It means that they do what you ask them to Even when you're not around.

When that happens You know you have that child's heart. They're wanting to please you Even when you're not there right over them. And the best way to measure Whether you have your child's heart Is do they respect other authority.

So if I ask your child to do something Do they willingly do it? That is a heart that is yielded to authority. That's what we're after. To have your child's heart It means that their will Is submitted to your will.

And obviously this comes gradually. It's not something that's going to happen overnight. And they're going to grow in this. In older children then it comes out. They have no desire for anything Except what you desire for them.

Simply that Mickey has been heard to say Daddy's word is like God to me. That's because Whatever daddy says he wants Not just has to do but wants. You know Jenny told us years back Don't even bring a young man to me.

Unless you bless it. You know young men were coming and going. And she didn't even want to know it. And she doesn't know it. And now she's free from having to know that. You know who asked for her. Because she didn't want it.

And she knew when we handed her Marvin's letter That it came with a blessing. Or she wouldn't be having it. So that's having their heart. That's the picture of what it means To have your child's heart.

They want nothing but what you want for them. There's no resistance. They love that authority. No resistance to you. Secure in whatever you say. Totally trusting you. Loving your will for them. Okay we're going to talk about How to accomplish that a little later.

But this is what it means. When we say we want to have And keep our children's hearts. What we're after is a child That loves to do exactly what we tell them to do. And they grow up feeling like That inside your will Is a sweet place.

It's a safe place. It's not a have to. They're thankful for it. They choose it. They love it. Okay that's what we're after. Okay at the end we're going to have An open time to share. But right now my question is Am I clear?

Is anybody thinking What do you mean by have their hearts? Still. Okay. So that's what we're after. That's our goal. When you look at that little tiny baby. And you know someday They're going to be an 18 year old.

That's your goal. Why? Why do we want that? Why is it important to keep that heart? For one thing it's because You can save them from so much trouble. Just imagine yourself. What if I had given that to my daddy?

What if that was my heart When I got married? What if I could have just Rolled that right over into Mark? I'd be talking about reverencing my husband Right now instead of this. Because I wouldn't have the struggles I have occasionally When my will still rises up.

So we can save them from A lot of scars and baggage. That's a big one. That's one good reason to keep their hearts. But there's an even bigger one. And that is because Someday God is going to call that child's name.

And what you do between now and then Is going to make a difference In whether that child says Yes Lord? What will you have me to do? Just like that. We're striving for that kind of response to us. So that God gets that kind of response When he calls.

That's the ultimate goal. Think of that definition that I gave. Listen to these things. Thinking about your child. Responding to God this way. No resistance. Secure in whatever he says. Totally trusting.

Loving his will. Isn't that what we want them to give to God? So then that's what we're after To shape that little sinner's will Into this kind of an attitude. So that God says. Or so when God calls They say yes Lord.

On the contrary. Think about. Can you imagine a willful Stubborn Negative Haughty Child When the Lord calls Saying yes Lord. Whatever you say Lord It doesn't come together. This is why God calls us To this calling.

That is a lifetime of protection That we can give our children. And it's a wonderful gift That we can do for them. Am I clear on why? Any questions about that? Okay so we see what it means. And we see why.

This is a thorough yieldedness We're talking about here. I'm going to write some things up here. Let me ask you something. Think about yourself. And your willingness To give this kind of a yieldedness To someone.

Would you yield yourself that thoroughly To someone that you didn't trust? It's not likely. So your children must trust you. Would you yield yourself that thoroughly. Give your heart To someone you don't have any respect for?

Probably not. So your children must respect you. Would you be willing to give your heart That completely To someone that you didn't think loved you? Would you just be willing to just be That completely sold out To someone who really had no love for you?

I doubt it. They must know that you love them. Do you think you could build a good relationship With somebody? That kind of... Okay, I'm sorry. Do you think you could give your heart To somebody that you hadn't built A good relationship with?

You know, you've got this individual out here. You have no relationship with John Doe. Are you going to go give your heart to him In a yielded way? Obviously not. You must have a relationship With your children.

And lastly Are you going to give your heart To someone that you've never communicated with? Or that you have no flow of communication with? It's not likely. There must be communication With your children Before they're going to give you their heart.

That looks like quite a list, doesn't it? They must trust you. They must respect you. They must know that you love them. You must have a relationship with them. And there must be communication between you Before they're ever going to give you their heart.

Modeling a Yielded Heart

So how do we make it happen? That's the question. Okay, number one. They must see what it means Through example. You know, I'd rather see a sermon Than hear one any day. So sisters If you haven't yielded your heart to your husband.

You really can't expect your children To yield their heart to you. If my heart isn't wholly given over to the Lord. And then my husband. They won't see this example of this yielded heart That we're striving to work into them.

If you're not in that place I beg you. Get there. Go into your closet. Fast. Pray. Get counsel. Whatever it takes To come to a place Where you have a right To ask your children for that. We must be a walking, living example Of a yielded heart That is going to make a tremendous difference In the atmosphere That comes out of my life That permeates my home.

That's very important. Which is why we should have talked about Reverencing our husbands first. I feel like I'm talking to a group of born again ladies here. And your relationships with the Lord Obviously is first.

And then with our husbands To be this walking example Of what we need to be to our children. Okay, we're going to talk about The importance of our vision. The importance of obedience. The importance of quality time.

And then prayer. Think about having a vision. And I'll cover these again. If we have a vision That is going to help our children Trust us And respect us. If we have their obedience It's going to help them trust us.

It's going to help them respect us. They're going to feel our love. And it's going to build relationship. If we know about quality time We give them quality time. It's going to affect every single one of them.

Think of a child in time. It helps them trust you. It helps them respect you. They feel loved. It builds relationships. You're communicating. And then obviously we must Bathe it all in prayer. These are all vital.

I'm not going to be able to be comprehensive On them obviously. But I'm just talking about These kind of things. That are going to build an atmosphere In your home. That is going to invite your children To continue to give you their hearts.

During those dysfunctional years In our home I do believe there was a continuity. And that was while we were doing A lot of flopping around. And Daddy and I's relationship was not sweet. There still was a continuity Of these things that carried on.

My vision didn't change. The way we trained obedience didn't change. Time actually increased Probably my time with them. So you don't need to struggle If you feel like you're failing. If you feel like things aren't right in your home You can live out these things And make this atmosphere.

I know when Laura was sharing her testimony with us. Their family's testimony is a testimony Of lots of moving and changing churches And leaving friends behind. And I asked her. So Laura, why did you all Still maintain a respect for your daddy?

And she said He maintained his vision for the family. Mama still mothered us consistently The same way. So we can do that. So the first thing I want to look at is vision. And I want to clarify this. I'm not talking about the vision.

That is the direction of our family. That's daddy's business. That's husband's. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about what it means to you To be a mama. Your vision as a mother And how you do it.

A Mother's Vision and Calling

I have some questions. And I want you to think about these. Are you glad you're a woman? Are you really glad that you're a woman and not a man? Are you content to be a woman? If you're a mother here Do you like being a mother?

Do you like your children? Now I know all mothers love their children. But do you like the fact That I'm a mother. And I get children. And I like them. I like to be with them. I'd rather be with them Rather than anywhere else.

Do you like being a woman and a mother? Do you like serving in your home? These things are all imperative. If you're going to have an atmosphere in your home That invites your children to give you their hearts.

You're going to hear the word atmosphere a lot this evening. And at the end Again I said with my word pictures. Maybe you'll catch on to Know what I've been trying to say Again, if you don't love to be a woman.

If you don't love to be a mother If you don't like your children I beg of you Go to your closet And get there. You must. It's not going to come out right If you don't. Your vision for your children Must be graced With a pure heart Of positive contentment With your calling To be a woman.

And to be a mother. If there's any struggle in your heart with those things. Get help. Do something about it. Because it's going to hinder The atmosphere in your home. It matters how we mother. The Bible says without a vision The people perish.

And mothers without a vision Our children are going to perish. If we have no vision We're going to flop through the days. Mothering is not a just Wing it and hope for the best Situation I can promise you.

With that kind of a mindset It won't work out right. Children are born with a nature to sin. And they're going to walk in sin If we don't direct them differently. So we must have a vision for our children.

You'll just live day by day. And they'll just sort of grow up. If we don't have a vision It's important that you have set before you What you want these children to become. And to me the sweetest vision That we can get a hold of tonight.

Is the holy trust That it is to be a mother. This is not happenstance. This is not that. Training children, you know Is just to give it a try And not have any control over it. And some children turn out alright.

And some don't, you know. That is not the truth. Don't let anybody convince you of that. God has provided truth. He has provided the Holy Spirit To make it possible. And I believe it's possible For every parent and every child To receive blessing, not cursing.

It's a promise in the word. We need to remember, mothers That we're not preparing these children For their future. The world does that. We are preparing these children for eternity. We're not just controlling them.

We're implanting principles God's principles Into their lives. So that when we're no longer spanking We're no longer there to guide. They've yielded to God And they walk on in those same principles. God has prepared you And gifted you With his most prized creation.

When he gives you a baby. Janet, can I have your baby? Oh, you're nursing. I'm sorry. Can I hold her just a little bit? I don't want to make her unhappy. Keezy is getting her diaper changed. So she's not, oh.

This is not making her happy. I like to picture a conversation with God When he hands us a baby. Just imagine God saying Janet. You know, Christy, Becca, Diana. Here's one of my most precious creations.

She's mine. I'm just loaning her to you for a little while. And I'm going to give her to you For just a little while. She's still mine, mama. I want her back Someday. I'm going to call this baby's name.

And what you do with her from now. Until I give the call of her name. It's going to make a whole difference In whether she's going to come back to me. And then he hands us the baby. You can have her. She just woke up.

Okay, so they're only loaned to us. They're not even ours, Sarah. If you get a baby in your arms It's God's. He says, I want him back. Someday, I'm going to call his name. I'm going to call her name. What you do with the instructions I've given you Between now and then.

It's going to make all the difference In this little soul for eternity. And then God leaves us with this eternal soul. That's a pretty incredible task. For God to entrust us with, isn't it? Keep this vision before you.

I am preparing a soul for eternity. I'm not just getting through days. I'm not just controlling. I'm not just hoping they'll turn out right. I am preparing an eternal soul. That's sobering. But that's very, very real.

And Mamas, I think if you keep that vision before you You're not apt to do that carelessly. It's not a matter of how fun it is to have babies. It's about souls. For either God or the enemy. This is the vision.

That if we can keep before our eyes We will do carefully. Solomon, the wisest man on all the earth One time said, My son, give me thine heart. And let thine eyes observe my ways. That tells me. It's not haughty for me to expect my child To give me their heart.

It's right. It's what God says. And he says, observing my ways Is supposed to be okay too. That makes our ways pretty serious. How I live, how I talk, how I share Is going to impact how they turn out.

You must have a vision for your child For what you want them to become. And then establish an atmosphere in your home That helps them come to that. I remember one time Mick had been away for a little while.

And he come home and he said I'm always anxious to get back home. I want to become What you and Daddy want me to become. And I need to be in your atmosphere To grow that way. Our atmosphere is who we are.

Mamas It makes a difference. We're not raising flocks of chickens. We're raising children. And we have to put way more care in it. There's an eternal purpose here. We are keeping these hearts For a holy reason.

Not to look good in other people's eyes. God forbid That we should ever strive for that. Not to make our lives easier. You know Not just so they're not a hassle. But keep that vision before you. That you're raising a soul For either heaven or hell.

That puts purpose in the way you live your life. Okay, why is a vision going to affect Respect and trust? I think probably vision affects those two the most. And I'm going to say some words here That may make you shudder.

Maybe you were not raised in an orderly home. So words like order And discipline Continuity Stability Quietness Goals Purpose Accomplishment. Maybe those look pretty overwhelming to you. But if they are Let me encourage you Get a vision for these things.

What they do is give a child confidence. And when a child has confidence They have something they can trust. When they have confidence in you They have something they can respect And remember. Those things are necessary.

You didn't want to give your hearts to someone You couldn't trust or respect. And neither do our children. Children must feel safe in our home. They must feel protected. They want an authority. Without it their spirits get out of control.

So we need to give them that. You probably feel like you talk all day long. But the fact is your children are going to forget Most of what you say. You know they may remember a thing or two. You probably all have your I remember mom always said thing.

But for the most part They are going to forget All those words you said to them All those years. But they are not going to forget The atmosphere That you created And that you raised them up in. We do our children a tremendous favor When order.

Continuity Calmness Are a part of our lives. When we are in control They feel safe. When they feel safe They can trust us. When they can trust us They will give us their hearts. You see how it all works together.

Picture a mama that is always in a panic. You know is that going to make the child Want to give the heart. Picture a home that is always in a turmoil. Is that going to make the child feel safe And protected.

So it is important. Picture the difference in a mama Who is always singing Or a mama who is always scolding. Picture the difference in a mama Who is reverencing her husband And a mama who is always reviling her husband.

It makes a different atmosphere. And it is going to make a difference In whether our children will trust us And give us their hearts. So vision. We have got to get a vision. Two things Of the holy trust that it is.

How serious it is. Why it is so important That we have our children's hearts. Someday God is going to call that baby's name. Will they say Yes Lord Whatever you want Anytime Any cost. Yes Lord. That is what we want to get From our children towards us.

And the other vision is Stability Quietness Soberness Order. Create an atmosphere that makes your child feel safe And secure And confident. Okay let's go into obedience. Why is obedience so important?

Obedience, Discipline, and Respect for Authority

Proverbs is full of it. Proverbs gives us lots of instruction. It is one of the Ten Commandments. Honor your father and mother. It is repeated in the New Testament. Children obey your parents in the Lord.

It must be important. We all have seen The flagrant disrespect of children Who are out of control. And we know that. What happens is then. You have frustrated parents. And you have children who won't even accept The standards that their parents Tried to give them when they grow up.

Our children are sinners. I will never forget The first time we went to see Ethan. First grand baby. You know This is a little angel. This little baby. And Jason is looking at him. And he goes You little sinner.

I thought that was awful. But it's the truth. And that was a wise papa. This is a little sinner. And without any direction They are going to stay a little sinner. It shows up early. And all of you mamas know it.

You probably remember better than I do. Four Five months. And all of a sudden that cry That used to just be hungry Now sounds mad. Or it's taking a little too long To get ready to nurse. And the back arches.

That can happen at five months. You know You're changing a diaper And they want to roll over. You roll them back. And suddenly they realize Something's happened And they try again. It's the will. It's time to start.

As soon as that will shows itself. Either that child's in control Or you're in control. Respect is gained. Remember We want respect. Respect is gained Through proper training of obedience. It is a basic principle That children don't accept instruction From people they don't respect.

If you're wondering about You know Whether you really have your child's heart Watch how they respect another authority. You know Anyone of us here Could tell us in a minute Whether a child's heart Is yielded to his parents.

Let me give a picture Of let's say Sunday morning We're gathering for church And all of a sudden Here comes two little people Tearing between the chairs. And so I just step in front of the end And I put my hand on the shoulder.

Okay. There may be a child Who will look up at me. And that That excited You know Look is still on their face. And they try to wriggle out From under my hand And try to push past. I know there's still work to be done.

Because if you have that child's heart And I put my hand firmly on their shoulder. They're going to stop And that smile is going to disappear. And there's going to come Proper fear on their face. And they're going to go soft.

And all I'm going to need to say is sweetly. We don't want to run in God's house. And they'll probably Make a beeline to their mama And slip their hand in their mama. You have that child's heart. Maybe you have that.

But another thing you can do And I can't get into a lot of how to's here. That could be another whole meeting. But something you can do To bless your children And helping them learn. To respect other's authority Is use an authority To help you train.

We don't mind We've done it. Say you come to our house. You know Our children do it. But you come to our house And you walk up the steps And your child's sort of had an attitude In the van all the way.

And they step in the door And Brother Mark goes Well hello Sammy. And he goes You know Shoulder goes up And his face goes in your lap. Now maybe you have a shy child And that's different. But you know it's an attitude.

Don't ignore it. Look at Mark and say Can you help me? He'll say sure. You know Get down there at eye level. This is not a time If you know your child's will Is popping out. This is not the time To be going Honey.

Now you need to shake Brother Mark's hand. Your child's in control. You're not Down on their level. Look them in the eye Loving firm voice. I want you to shake Brother Mark's hand. Then give them their chance.

If they don't obey You may use our wooden spoon And you may use our bathroom. And we'll wait. And you can come back When they're happy again And understand. And you can get down on their level. And you can say Now I want you to shake Brother Mark's hand.

And we can do that Four or five times If we need to Until they have found out. You know I need to respect All authority Everywhere. Or You know This one is a little hard But we've done it too. Say I've asked Little Stevie To do something And you see He just Disrespected me.

I will do it again for you If you want me to With you watching And you punishing. I'm not going to do this Fanking bend. So you know We'll help each other. Let's do that For each other. Remember It's not about Just well behaved children.

It's about a soul That you want Yielded To you. It's important If in the end They learn to obey And learn respect. It's well worth it. We only have one chance With each child. God has given us What we need.

Proverbs 29 15 says A child left to himself Bringeth his mother To shame. That's pretty clear. That's what the Bible says. Verse 17 says Correct thy son And he shall give thee rest. Yea He shall give delight Unto your soul.

So we can see that It makes a difference What we do. I think it's clear That parents can experience Blessing Or will experience Cursing. You know If we obey God's word Or if we fail to Obey God's word.

So obedience is a big one. It's an important part Of having their hearts. Because when they obey That means their will Is broken. And that's what we want. That sinner will Has to learn To yield. A broken will Means they're loving Your authority.

That means a sweetly Flowing relationship Comes In obedience. Keep in mind You're training obedience. So this child says Yes Lord Right away. God may have mercy On your child And call twice Or three times.

But he may not. For that reason The definition of obedience Is First time Second time Every time Cheerfully Thoroughly. This is obedience. Now obviously You don't get that Right off. Those are graduating Steps That are to be gained As the child gets older.

But a little bit Of disobedience Is not obedience At all. And that's something That I think we forget Because we get used to it. Our hands are full. We're busy. And we get this feeling That well I had to tell him three times At least he obeyed.

No he didn't. He was in control. You were not. And when An under authority Is in control Of the authority There's not going to be any respect. Does that make sense? I think that's very important. Imagine Okay let's say we think Well You know I asked twice And they went and did it grumpy.

But at least they did it. He obeyed me. What if I came up to you some morning And you said Sister Ann how are you doing? And I said Oh I'm alright. I guess I've just been really asking The Lord to. I've been having a lot of back pain.

And I've just been asking The Lord to show me What I can do about it. And the other day As I was praying The Lord showed me I need to walk. Just take a walk every day. I hate to walk. We live on a hill.

It's just a sidewalk. And the houses are all Right out there. I hate to walk. But you know I can walk on our driveway. I'll try that. What would you think? I would hope You would love me enough To say Ann Please.

That's not obedience. Just because I walked. And you all know that. So when you ask your child to Sarah please shut the door. And they go to the corner Of the room. And you say Johnny please come back And shut the door.

They turn around And look at you and grin. And you say Please come and shut That door now. And they do. Is that obedience? No it's no different. And if we train our children To obey that way That's the way to obey the Lord.

Do we really want to train children Who spend their lives Chasing God's will? You know. Maybe they say Yes Lord. But all their lives Their Christian life Is a grind. We don't want to do that. And we can.

We all know that. We can train our children To wait until We've told them three times. We can train that into them. We can train them to wait Until we've raised our voice Or until we've got angry Or until we've threatened Or until we've offered a reward Or any of the numerous things That we do.

We're training them that way. Is it as easy To train them to Obey the first time? No. Because that takes more Will breaking. But God never said It was going to be easy To get a sinner To turn into a soldier.