(Spiritual Guidelines for Courtship) Testimonies of Godly Courtship — Rick Leibee

A Testimony of Godly Courtship and the Lord’s Restoration

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Well, just to explain a little bit here in the beginning, Dad, I think gave us a pretty good introduction, but this isn't our extensive courtship testimony as we don't have time to give that, but Dad asked us if we would share a few highlights from our testimonies and on a few specific principles.

And hit those things through our testimony, so that's what we will be doing, so don't be disappointed if it's not the extensive testimony that you were expecting. I'll let my wife share first.

The verse that comes to my mind when I think of our courtship and some of the beautiful things that the Lord has done in my life is a verse from Isaiah, chapter 61, where it says that the Lord makes our ashes into beauty and He makes the joy of heaviness into mourning.

He gives us beauty for ashes. And some of what I'd like to share today is, I was 19 before I was born again and before I gave my life over to Christ. And so in the years, I think at age 14 or 15, I became part of the youth group, and I was part of what I guess you would call the dating scene among my kind of people, which was maybe a little different from how Dad grew up, but yet it wasn't.

The spirit of it was very, very much the same. And I'd like to share some of that, but I'd also like to compare it with our experiences in our courtship and some of the differences. One of the things that comes to my mind in the years of dating is the difference in walking after the flesh and walking after the spirit.

In dating, I would have to say that even though I had some spiritual light, I didn't. I had some light and I had some right desires and some right intentions, but I wasn't born again. And I think primarily in those experiences, I was walking after my flesh.

I was walking after my own way and what I wanted. I was attracted to this person, and so I wanted to pursue a relationship with them. And so I was walking after my own way and after my flesh. And in our courtship, it just wasn't that way.

Even the way it started out, I had no idea that Jeremy was even interested in me. And when he came and talked to Dad, and then Mom and Dad came to me, it was something that just totally took me by surprise.

And one of the things that was really deeply on my heart was that I said to the Lord, Lord, I've experienced enough in the years of dating that I don't want this to be something that I want. I want this to be something that you want.

I want it to be your way. I want this relationship to be something. If you want me to court and to get married, I want it to be something that would build your kingdom. I don't want what I want, but I want what you want.

And I started it out with that prayer and that desire. And I just kept laying the thing before the Lord and praying, and I gave it some time. And I said, Lord, I'm just going to let you guide this. And after praying about it for a few weeks, I think it was maybe a month, over that month, I felt the deep assurance of the Lord coming deeper and deeper in my heart.

And by the time that month was over, I knew there was a full and a deep assurance in my heart that this is what God wanted. This wasn't something that I was just seeking after, but this was God's will for me.

And I had that peace and that assurance, and that went with us through our courtship. Something else that I really see contrasted is the whole authority issue. In the dating years, there was no authority.

We basically did and went and did what we wanted to. And the choices that I made as a young lady often weren't very wise ones. Or in my younger years, they were often very unwise choices. And there was no buffering authority there to give us guidance and to give us counsel.

And if I had questions, there was really nobody there to ask. And so some of the decisions that I made and the choices that I made were very unwise and led to wrong choices and often led into sin and led into things that I deeply regret now.

But we had the rich blessing of being under authority, being fully under authority in our courtship, and having a free and open relationship. And it was so sweet, and it gave us protection. Mom and Dad were always there for us when we had questions, or they were there when they had concerns.

And it was a really rich blessing for us. And it was an especially rich blessing because I knew what it was like to be dating without authority. And I knew the pain that it had brought to my own life, to my life in those years, and the regrets that I still have.

And so I counted it a rich privilege. Walking after the flesh and not having any guidance makes a very weak foundation for walking in purity. And some of the wrong choices that I made in dating and in those years were compromising, were compromising in purity.

It seemed like in some of the relationships, no matter what my resolves were, and no matter how good my intentions or my desires were, they always seemed to crumble after a period of time. And I made many wrong choices, and they led to sin, and it seemed like one compromise would lead to another.

And before you know it, you're at a place that, or I was at a place that I would have never dreamed that I would have been at. And on the opposite spectrum of that, I feel like walking in the Spirit and walking in the will of God, and also walking under authority in our courtship built a strong foundation for purity.

And for being able to walk in purity. Just knowing that we were, that this was the will of God and that I was walking in the will of God, gave me a deep assurance and a confidence and gave me a strong desire.

And also the Spirit of God gave us the power that we needed to walk victoriously and to have a pure courtship. And the authority that we had in our courtship also, it was a buffer and it was something that gave us, it gave us, we had guidance and it was a protection.

And if there was any concerns that we had and any concerns that they had, that also was something that kept us. And that was a real blessing. And so, yeah, when I look on in the past, those years actually are some of the darkest years in my life.

And some of the deepest regrets that I've ever, that I experience even to this day are from those years. And yet, our courtship was just such an incredible contrast. It was just so beautiful and so not like that.

And I feel like one of the important things in our relationship also was that, even right from the beginning, the foundation of our courtship was built on Jesus Christ. We had a spiritual foundation. And it was one of the things that blessed our relationship and that blessed our courtship.

We wrote actually for a few, was it two months before we started courting, we wrote to each other just to get to know each other better. And we laid a spiritual foundation for our courtship. We got to know each other on a spiritual level.

We would talk to each other about what we were reading in our devotions. And we would talk to each other about how we believed about certain things and how we felt about this issue and that issue and what the Lord had been teaching us through our devotions and through His Word and different things.

And it really, I feel like it was one of the keys in our relationship and in our courtship. But in my mind, there's just no comparison. It's just, it's trading ashes for beauty. And I praise God for what He did for me personally and what He's done for us and the beautiful relationship that He's given us.

And I don't deserve it and I don't deserve the husband that He's given me, but I praise Him.

Serving God While Waiting for Marriage

Amen. Amen. Well, I'd like to start out with a little bit before those years in waiting. I was a little bit older until I started courting. I was 27, I guess, when I started courting. I'd just like to share a little bit from those years of waiting and give a little bit of a background.

And when I first came into the charity circles here, I was about 16 or 17. And almost right away, I guess we were here a year and I started working for Emmanuel, which was a real blessing in my life. I was a young man, void of much understanding, void of much wisdom, lacking a lot in my life, not wandering around in my Christian life.

And I started working for Emmanuel and I was working for him for about a year or two. And he was ordained as minister. And then right on top of that, he became the mission board director. At that point in my life, I was looking for something to throw my life into.

And I realized, and I guess God brought the realization upon my heart, that, you know, one way I can bless the Lord at this time and be a blessing is to throw myself into this business and into Emmanuel's life and bless him in this way so that he can further the kingdom of God.

Because the mission board at that time was asking him to spend half of his working time in the mission board and those things. And I knew that meant more responsibility for me and I struggled with that in the beginning.

But I realized that, you know, in me doing this and throwing myself more into this and carrying more of the load of the business, I can bless Emmanuel and those things. And so I did that. I learned to, I believe God taught me many things there.

One, he gave me the blessing of being discipled by Emmanuel and by being taught many spiritual blessings and learning what it meant to be a servant and to serve others. And that was one of the great blessings to my life in my younger years, learning to do that.

And as time went on, God sent other opportunities. At that time also, I threw myself into the children's ministry, which was a great blessing in my life, just finding something to throw myself into and to learn to deepen my walk with God, for number one, because I began to get questions.

I began to see, OK, this thing ain't right in my life. And these young children that I ministered to see through me. And it was an encouragement for me to dig deeper. And as I did that, it gave me a power to walk in victory over sin.

It did something for my own life, too. It brought a stability and brought more of a, even though I didn't at all times, at times I got discouraged and didn't, how should I say, I wavered a bit in some of that.

It was a real blessing to my life to find something to throw myself into in those years. And I know as I got older, I realized, you know, I'm getting older. What about marriage and these things? And I began to evaluate all that.

And I realized that, you know, the only reason I want to get married, I think I was around 20 or 22 when I just settled over my heart. If I'm going to get married, the reason I want to get married is so I can better serve God.

And I had had a wrong perspective of marriage before that time. I had had a warped view of marriage and kind of even said in my heart, well, I don't even want this marriage thing. If this is what it's going to be from what I had seen in my younger years, I had kind of been turned off of it in a sense.

But God began to show me that actually marriage can be a beautiful thing if it's done in Him and if the focus is Him and the focus is not one another and the focus is not what gratification can I get out of this for my own flesh or for my own desire.

And it was around the age of 20 or 22, I don't know when exactly, that that settled over my heart. But I continued to endeavor to serve God as a single young man to the fullest. I was a single young man.

And as years went on, I realized my need for a wife. I think I remember so clearly one day in the children's ministry, I was got in a situation where as a single young man, it was a tough situation. And I said, you know, a wife would really help out.

I realized my singleness very much at that time. And even though I realized that, I was thinking about it this morning. It was five years later until I actually got married. And I continued to serve God in those five years, you know, in that space of time.

And I guess what I was thinking about this morning was, you know, God gave me that revelation that I needed a wife, even though He had a lot of maturing to do in my life before I was actually ready for a wife.

And I look at all those times and all those ministry opportunities I had through those years as a time of maturing in my life, a time of stability. Like Dad was saying this morning, you know, it has brought a lot of stability in my life just through different situations I was in.

Then going to Africa and spending six months there basically by myself out in the bush, you know. Many of those things were very good, even though they also awakened the desire or awakened the need for a wife to serve God better.

But it was always all that awakening was on the premises of needing a wife to serve God better. And as we came to the time of courtship, and that was one of my very strong desires that I wouldn't, that we wouldn't just get married so we could settle down and have a good life together.

And I think I wrote that to her in one of my first letters, you know, maybe even in the first one, I'm not sure. But just letting her know that my desire was that we could serve God as a couple and not as, not just to get married to have a good life together, even though it's a blessing being married and you can do many more things for Christ.

That was my desire. And as we courted, we talked about that actually many times, how we would serve God together, different ways. But also the whole aspect, as we have gotten married, it has been such a blessing.

Seeing that we had laid that foundation, and she had laid that foundation a bit in her life also. But seeing that foundation was laid of serving God as two single young people, as we came through courtship and walked through courtship with that on our hearts, even our courtship, I believe, was some of the time was spent reaching out to others and trying to bless others.

But even since we've gotten married, it's been such a blessing too. And even though we've only been married nine months, it's been a blessing to find ways to bless others and serve others, even in our marriage.

And I expect that that's what our life will be made up of, of serving others and blessing others through our life, married life together. The other aspect that really blessed me in our courtship, more specifically to our courtship, was the blessing in the relationship I had with Dad.

And I know Dad mentioned this morning about not courting the father and all those things. And I don't feel like I did that with Dad. But I really appreciated the relationship I had with Dad before we started courting.

He didn't know I was coming to ask for Divina when I did. But after I did, we continued our relationship, and he knew me very well. But as things came up, and as we walked through the whole thing of courtship, and I heard his heart on how he wanted us to do things, and he heard my heart and all those, we had a very open, free relationship.

And I never felt like, you know, some people say, well, we have these restrictions. And yes, there were some guidelines given, but I never looked at them as restrictions. I just looked at them more as protection and some guidelines.

But it was a blessing to me to know, for me, it was more just knowing what he expected and knowing what was expected of us as a couple together. And I really appreciated the kind of relationship. And at times, I had to go to him and say, hey, Dad, this is what I'm thinking.

What do you think? And I found that such a blessing and a freedom in our courtship, to be able to go to him and call him up and say, hey, Dad, you know, tomorrow we're thinking of doing this and this.

What do you think? Is it okay? And have him say, yeah, that sounds great. Or have him say, well, maybe you do it this and this. And I found such a freedom in that as we had our time together and I went through our courtship to know that the blessing was upon this and what we were doing was blessed and we weren't trying to hide anything.

Everything was out in the honest and open. And that was one of the things that just so really blessed me in our courtship, just to have that blessing of authority, but also to know that everything is clear.

Everything is out in the open. I have nothing to hide. They have nothing to hide. We're communicating. And I was really, really blessed with that through our courtship. And I would lift that up to any young man.

Don't look at the father as someone that you have to get around to get to the girl, but look at it as another blessing in your life. That is how it was in my life. And I just thank God for that and praise God for these meetings.

Submitting to Authority in Courtship

Amen. Well, Dad had asked us if we could share a testimony on authority. It was one area in our lives that seemed like God dealt with me especially. And I'm very thankful for looking back. And so he asked if we would share our testimonies on how God dealt with us and how everything came out.

So I'll let my wife share first and then I'll share.

Okay. Well, one of the things that really stood out to me in my submitting to authority was the verse in Proverbs 21 .1 where it says, The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord as the rivers of water.

He turneth it wither so ever he will. And that verse was very precious to me during my time of submitting to my authority which wasn't necessarily... I had some authority that was godly, but my father wasn't necessarily a spiritual young man, a spiritual man.

And so this verse really was precious to me because I knew that whatever would happen, his heart was in the hand of the Lord. And when I was 18, I had lived with my brother-in-law and sister for nearly two years.

There I got saved. The Lord changed my life. And I began my Christian walk there. And just because he was my spiritual authority, I had asked him before I left if ever there was a young man that would come, if he would be willing to talk to him or help me out because I wasn't sure how all those things would work with my father and everything.

But toward the end of my stay, my parents really, really wanted me to come back home again. And in my heart, my first thought, I didn't really want to because it meant two things. In my own heart, it meant going back to my old church where there was a lot of... it was a setting of tradition and a lot of spiritual deadness.

And I wasn't sure how all those things were going to work out. And the second thing was it meant submitting myself to my parents. And since God had changed my life, I wanted to submit myself to them. But it was a situation where it was less than a desirable home situation and I wasn't sure how all those things would work out.

But God gave me grace to go home and to live there. It actually grew my Christian walk in many ways to submit myself to my dad's authority in many areas of my life where it actually helped me to grow in my Christian walk and made my Christian walk or my walk with Christ stronger.

And nearly a year later, after I had gone home, Billy came and he had talked to my brother-in-law and my dad and had asked permission to start a courtship. And it wasn't necessarily a cultural practice for a young man to come and ask the father if they could court their daughter.

And so that was very much of a blessing to me that Billy went and asked my dad even though he wasn't spiritual. And it was a blessing in my life for that reason. Since my dad didn't know Billy, I had just left the church a few months earlier and got baptized.

And so it was another big thing in his life that he wasn't interested right away. And Billy might share more, but he actually asked us if we would be willing to wait for six months. And he had written a letter to me.

And I took a while and prayed about it. And my spiritual authorities were clear on it. In my heart, I felt the Lord leading in it all. And yet, my dad didn't give us permission to start at that time. And not knowing what to do, I shared my heart with my spiritual authority, which was my brother-in-law.

And we decided that it might be a better thing to wait. Because in my former life, I had been rebellious against my parents and in many areas had gone against them. But now since I was born again, I could no longer feel right to just go against them in that area.

I felt it would ruin my testimony for Christ. It would ruin many of the things that had just happened a few years before in my life. And I just didn't feel clear in my own heart of going against them in that way.

And so my spiritual authorities talked it over and we decided to wait. During that time, there were things in my life that God did. Just submitting myself and waiting on God and trusting God that if it was His will that He would bring all those things, He would work all those things out.

And maybe you wonder why all of this or why? But one blessing was that we waited for five months. And before our six months were up, my dad actually gave permission and he said, He had gotten to know Billy a little bit during that time and that was just an answer and a blessing before we expected it.

And now as I look back on it all, I'm very thankful to have submitted myself to that authority because number one, it drew me closer to Christ. And many times of praying and just waiting and crying out to the Lord.

And it drew me closer to Christ and it taught me that God's way is best and I can trust it. I can trust Him. And it also, now as I look back, there's no regrets of waiting. There's no regrets of why we did it that way.

Just waiting on God and waiting until my dad was clear with it all. And also now, it makes a difference in our relationship now. Even going back home now. They're free with us. They're kind to us. And there's no tension in us being married.

And that is truly a blessing. So I praise the Lord and give all the glory for all those things. I didn't know how to do all those things right every time. But God was faithful and He gave me grace to walk through those things.

So thank you.

Amen. Mine is very much the same way, but a little different. But first of all, I'd like to say that young people, if you look at authority as something dreadful, may I say your view of God is wrong. Because ultimately God is the authority.

And God puts you in a certain home, not by accident. So as I look back at Dad as my authority, I want to say thank you for being my authority. And I want to say, parents, I want to beg you don't let your children not let you be their authority.

Because as I look back again, if Dad would have been soft in his heart toward me with what I wanted, it wouldn't have come out this way. And we wouldn't be standing here this morning. So I'm thankful for that.

But yeah, as she was sharing, you know, we had gone through some of those things. Talked with Dad about courtship and he asked me if I'm ready and all those things. And I wrote her brother-in-law a letter and saying, you know, I'm interested in Alta.

And what do you, how's your heart? What do you feel about it? And a couple of weeks went by and I talked with him. He was clear about it. But he wanted me to ask her father. It's not a cultural thing to do that.

And none of her brother-in-laws did that. They just went ahead and started courting. And that's just a cultural thing. But because, you know, he had left the church and he was born again and saw these things differently now.

And she was born again and, you know, I come from a different church. He felt it was good to do it right. And so, you know, I went ahead and I wrote him a letter. Explaining my heart and what my desire is, that I'm interested in his daughter.

Not for just pleasure, but with marriage in mind. And I told him that I'll call him in a couple of weeks. And I now talk to him. And in about three weeks I called him. It was a pretty brief conversation.

Basically said, you know, as soon as he knew who it was, he just kind of quieted down. And he said, I want you to wait six months. And there was no reason given. No explanation. He just said, no. And it was hard for me to swallow, I will say that.

But then I went and talked to my spiritual authorities, my dad and her brother-in-law. And they talked and they felt it good at that time that we would find out from Alta how she feels. Because if, you know, they felt sort of leaning that, yeah, maybe we should wait.

So they wanted to know, okay, is she clear with it? Why wait six months and in the end she's not interested? So I did write her a letter. And after a week or so I got the response back. And, you know, it was a yes and all those things.

But, yeah, we were like, okay, what do we do now? She had left the Beecher Church and was going to Union County. But they felt, you know, with her sharing her heart that she would like, she wants to submit to her parents that it would be best to wait six months.

And that was a hard thing for me. And that was a time where, at that time, I appreciated dad's authority in saying, you know, I think it's good for you. God was dealing in my heart with some specific areas.

I wasn't totally clear with that. I believe, looking back, God wanted to deal with me a little bit more in this specific area. And so that's what happened. And I struggled with it for a while. But I submitted myself.

We'd had no contact whatsoever as far as writing or on the phone during this time. And then about two or three months into our waiting time, I went and met with him again, with Nate, and asked if I can come and start visiting him.

Getting to know him. And he felt, yeah, that would be a good idea. So I went, I think, three times during the rest of our time. And the first time was a little awkward, but, you know, can't remember what we did, maybe.

But he has a great interest in bees. And so I showed interest in bees. And it was a great communicating point. And getting to know him. And things loosened up, you know. The next time we went out, I think we went out mushroom hunting out in the woods.

And we were by ourselves, you know. Him and I were out looking for mushrooms. And it was just a good time of connecting. And, you know, there wasn't a whole lot of spiritual talk, but yet there was a connection there.

And so during that, we just, you know, and as she said, his heart was warmed towards me and all those things. And even before the time was up, he gave permission to just go ahead and start recording. And so it was a blessing to do all those things because now I had a relationship with her father.

And we wouldn't have necessarily had to do all those things. But out of respect, out of, you know, God's way and submitting ourselves and saying, Okay, Lord, you know, here we are, we want to submit, we want to do what's right.

And submitting, I had a relationship with her father. And to this day, I have a very good relationship with him. And, you know, we can freely talk and we can go up there and spend the day, you know. And as I look back, I am very thankful that I submitted my heart to this whole thing and said, Okay, I know it's hard.

I know it's not easy. He's not born again. And yet, you know, all my spiritual authorities are clear. Why this? But yet, okay, Lord, just bowing my heart for no reason. But yet, for the ultimate reason of God wanted me to trust Him.

Billy, do you trust me? And I believe that is what God put in my path. Do you trust me? Are you willing to submit with not a cause? And so, I look back and say, Thank you, Lord, for bringing that into my life.

Because I learned a valuable lesson. So, I hope that's an encouragement to you all, you know, people that maybe your situation is not perfect. God is still God. And He's still in control. God bless you.

The Witness of Faithful Submission

One other little part of their testimony that involves me that I guess I'll share is I remember I was driving down the road one day with Billy. I think we were going to the Mannheim lot, that back way.

And we were talking about marriage and courtship. And one thing led to another over the next few days. I don't remember how I said it all now, Billy, because that was three years ago now, I guess. 2004, wasn't it?

But somehow the subject came up of who. We established with Billy, okay, he was ready. And I think it was me who brought it up first, or was it Mom, about Alta? I think we asked you had you considered her.

I forget how it was all brought up now. And I think his answer was yes. I mean, it wasn't like, yes, she's the only one. But I think she had caught his attention in some areas. And the story behind the story is how she caught our attention was when she went back home.

To her father who, as she says, is not spiritual. We knew her before then because of her brother where she was living. She had been down here, I think she had even maybe stayed in our house at Bible school or something.

Alta, is that right? And so we'd gotten to know her and we really appreciated her. We thought, you know, what a precious girl, what a precious gem. And she's a sweetheart and loves the Lord and all these things.

And then when we heard she was going home, at first we were like, oh, you know, this is going to be hard. Then all of a sudden as we thought about it, we thought, wow, okay, there is really some depth to this girl.

And then we got to talk to her after she went home and she never complained. She didn't fuss about it. And it wasn't easy there, but she had a good attitude. She chose to submit and God gave her, I think her testimony would be, as she said here, grace to do it with joy.

She didn't do it as a grief. She did it with joy. And then I thought, whoa, there really is depth here. You know, this is exciting. This is spiritual stuff going on here. And so about all the same time is when Billy and I were driving down the road one day on our way to the Mannheim lot.

And she was the first girl that came to my mind, you know, for Billy, because I thought, wow, this girl is, you know, very precious. And so then when we brought it up, he quickly concurred. And one thing led to another.

Then you heard the rest of the story. So sometimes my point is, sometimes when you do things and you think nobody's watching you and you're walking out your Christian life and making decisions that are even hard decisions, you might be surprised who's watching you.

I don't know how to say all that, but, you know, other people do notice, you know, our lives.

Maintaining Purity Through Hands-Off Courtship

It's kind of a privilege to share our testimonies. We were asked to share about how to maintain a pure relationship, of how we as a couple kept ourselves pure during our courtship. I guess, first of all, it started when we had our first date.

We decided that we want hands-off courtship. And we set a guideline for ourselves that we will not touch. And we did shake hands for the first couple of times. But after that, we decided that we best to refrain from that because we both love touch.

And it was for our good and benefit to refrain from that. And my encouragement to each one of the young people here is that if you are tempted to even touch or even shake hands, if you are tempted with those thoughts, keep yourselves pure for that.

And when we would rub shoulders or even bump into each other a little bit, we did apologize. You know, we apologized for, you know, touching. And that, glad we did that. And we have no regrets on our courtship of how we did, kept ourselves pure.