Psalm 51 — Leonard Ravenhill

The Book of Psalms and Its Structure

Now a couple of times this week, I've reminded you that the the Bible contains 70 books and not 66. All the good scholars divide The book of Psalms into five books. So then of course you have four extra books to the 66 which makes 70.

70 is a biblical number. 66 isn't 6 6 6 isn't it's a bad one but 70 is a biblical number. There were 70 elders in the Old Testament. There were the 70 that Jesus sent out. And so you have 70 books. The best used the most used book in the Bible unquestionably is the book of Psalms go to Scotland where they They won't even use hymns never mind choruses.

And they wouldn't defile the sanctuary with having an instrument in it. But if you go there and hear them sing the Psalms you'll never forget it as long as you live. They sing the Psalms metrical not metrical metrical version and They're really very very beautiful very inspiring.

So here you've got a hundred and fifty Psalms in this in this book and Out of the 150 roughly 75 of them were written by David and out of the 75 18 of them are autobiographical. There are some Psalms prophetical.

You know the 23rd Psalm. That's the psalm of what we call the crook the shepherd having a crook to rescue his sheep. But before that obviously comes the 22nd psalm. Well, what's that? Well, that's the psalm of the cross and After the 23rd comes the 24th and that's the psalm of what the crown.

Oh I like some of these Breathtaking expressions of this Marvelous and wonderful inspired man. As I said the other day when somebody said to Moody How do you know the Bible is inspired? He said because it inspires me.

I Hope it inspires you more than giving you merely knowledge. And so you have 18 autobiographical psalms and out of the 18 autobiographical psalms. You'll have eight penitential psalms. And out of the eight penitential psalms you have one outstandingly great penitential psalm, which is of course this Marvelous 51st psalm.

It's marvelous in any way. It's marvelous in its construction because in the first three verses you have two different words for cleansing in Verses one and two you have three different words for sin in verses one and two.

In this psalm you have brokenness mentioned three times in this psalm you have sacrifice mentioned three times in this psalm you have offering mentioned three times in this psalm you have What else? Brokenness, sacrifice, offerings.

The Holy Spirit or the Spirit mentioned three times Twice of the Holy Twice of the human spirit once of the Holy Spirit and you could juggle around with that for a long while. It's it's an amazing construction in the psalm and this psalm of course was born in a crisis experience of David.

David’s Radical Spiritual Self-Examination

No man ever revealed his heart as David did. Not many of us keep a personal diary of our spiritual lives. Do we? Do you? Got a diary on today how sweet-tempered you were, how bad-tempered you were, how gracious you were, how covetous you were.

How long you prayed, how selfish you were, how you pushed other people around, how self-pity. Do you keep a diary on your own life? Try it for a week. Don't live any different from the way you live last week.

Keep a diary on yourself. You'll enjoy it. But but David here he shows you every range every fluctuation in his spirit. Or there are some things you can't put in these psalms. You know the most controversial it seems anybody called Leonard is controversial and Leonard Bernstein who until last year, where are we 70 69 he finished his last performance with the New York Philharmonic Orchestra and and he broke about every law in the book.

He did what he should never do. Sometimes jumped off the podium sometimes sang with a choir sometimes dipped his baton down and you should never drop the point of it and he just broke every law in the book and enjoyed it and the more he did it the bigger the crowds were and He really went to town now.

He had a friend who was touring in Europe. And he brought back a dog-eared manuscript that he'd bought and he said to Leonard Bernstein here I bought this in Europe paid an awful lot of money. It's a very old original manuscript.

It's over 200 years old now now Leonard you just sit down at the piano and play it for me. He said well, how can I do that? I Can't play it. He said you can but you won't he said I can't. Well, why can't you?

Look he said if you take my microphone and head it behind that Cathedral organ or behind that arpsichord when this certain person was Writing this manuscript and you could play it over to me and I could catch all the cadences all the moods all the speeds all his emphasis if I could listen to that a dozen times I might go and and and Present it to you in a way that I just can't do now because I don't have the atmosphere.

I don't have the emotion. Now I don't believe in building emotion in meetings you may I don't. You know, the modern evangelist has to establish a rapport with the people. Condition you a dozen good jokes, or you know feel real good.

Get the folk on your side, you know, don't don't have any sense of antagonism and as we drove up tonight, I thought of Paul's words, I rather like Paul and Remember what Paul said if I'm the servant of men, then I'm not the servant of God.

They can't have it both ways. You're gonna please the crowd you'll grieve God. And if you please God most likely you'll grieve the crowd. You've got to make a choice somewhere. No, I don't believe in building emotion up.

But I'll tell you what I do enjoy it when the glory comes down. Now now you can build emotion up and all be set. I remember a lady who told us, you know I went to my previous church for about 10 years and and you know I sat there like a dummy every Sunday morning, but this new church I go to.

You know every Sunday morning I go the first 15 minutes. I cry. I never cried as much in my life. You know the pastor gets up me. You know, we're gonna sing that lovely song, you know, I'm drifting like a ship without a sail.

Have you noticed how many hymns are concerned about me? Not about him. We don't give God much worship and glory in the meeting as I told you the other day Buck Singh told me one thing he'd never seen in a church in America was a church where they could worship God.

Genuine Worship Versus Emotionalism

We try and work it up prime the audience spent 10 or 15 minutes clap your hands but now I don't mind you doing that and do it do as you like you're free in the Fifth Amendment and You can do it as you like.

But I'm talking about real worship when the glory of God comes down and you want to shut your eyes because you think. The one who walked in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks walking in the mix.

You wouldn't want to whisper a talk or touch anybody or chew gum or do anything you think God is in this place. I know it. I can't. I can't play that music. He said well, how do you think you're gonna translate a psalm like this now?

There's some emotion but emotion and emotional ism are very different. Here's a fellow. He's cutting a dish of beautiful wonderful herbs spices and meat into his father and his father's blind there says Come near my son come near.

And he says father. This is the moment. I've lived for III. I've come to receive my blessing. What I've come to receive my blessing blessing. Well, who's the one I gave the blessing to you mean my brother.

He stole my birthright. He's stolen my blessing. I've got one blessing bless me even me or my father. I've often wonder what happened to the dish of soup. I guess it hit the deck. But do you think there's no emotion in an experience like that?

Hmm. How did David write this psalm? And I'm sure he didn't write it on a typewriter. And when I read it, it's on nice India paper with a very nice type, but he didn't write it like that. It's punctuated with periods.

Colon semicolons. What have you got? No, no, no, no this psalm isn't written with ink. It's written with blood. It isn't punctuated with periods. It's punctuated with groans and sobs. There is a heartbroken man.

Oh Yes, the man that wrote this psalm wrote the 23rd psalm. Didn't he and when he was living so near to God ever tried to imagine him there with his guitar sitting on the hill outside Jerusalem strumming it away and Sweetly looking over and saying when I consider thy heavens the work of thy fingers.

Have you ever thought in peeping through that little peephole. I'm in the door of time looking right down the corridors of time and in that 24th psalm where he says lift up your heads. Oh ye gates. Be lifted up the everlasting doors the king of glory is coming in.

He had a preview of what a hymn writer says from earth's wide bounds and oceans farthest coast through gates of pearls Stream in a countless host singing to father son and holy ghost hallelujah. He's seeing the end time.

He's seeing that period when the trumpet has sounded and the dead have risen and he's seeing the holy dead. Who is the king of glory the Lord strong and mighty the Lord mighty in battle? Oh Yeah, he had some of the most amazing revelations and ecstasies any man that ever lived ever had but you see he's not having them.

Now he's down in the gutter. He's a heartbroken man a heartbroken man a broken and a contrite heart. A broken and a contrite heart. I was not despised. I have no offering to bring. It would be easier to give an offering.

Sure, it is. She's a buddy hands up like that. She's a gift. God ten extra bucks better get a heartbroken condition about your sin or your separation from God. Or the fact that the church around who is paralyzed.

It's something entirely different. This man wrote the 23rd song. Yeah, he wrote the eighth song. What is man? He wrote the hundred and thirty nine song when he was living as near to God not only as he ever lived.

But any other man ever lived? You've got to live awfully near to God to say what he said in that psalm 139. Do you remember how he winds it up? He just takes his heart out as it were bears his heart and he says search me Oh God and know my heart.

Another him writer. I quoted the other night says, you know How shall I? Whose native sphere is dark whose mind is dim before the ineffable appear and on my naked spirit. They're the uncreated beam. How can this corruption stand before a holy impeccable infallible?

Ineffable God. Another him writer rescues us. Maybe it may be when he says you remember thy kind. But searching glance can scan the very wounds that shame would hide that here. He's living right on the victory victory plus in his life and he says search me Oh Lord and know my heart and try me.

And see if that'd be any wicked way. I wouldn't want there to be one little thing which is cutting me off from the fullness of the blessing and the riches of thy Great search me. He doesn't say that here.

He says hide thy face from my sins. Blot out all mine iniquities created me a clean heart. He's falling over himself to get restored. Rather amazing the man that wrote this psalm was a millionaire wasn't me and a monarch.

David’s Sin, Repentance, and the Loss of Joy

But he said my sin is ever before me. Did yours ever come up like that before you. He'd seen a beautiful woman. He looked too long. He coveted he desired her and to get her He had to commit murder to commit adultery.

And now all the ecstasy is gone and grief has come and darkness has come and gods are far off. To me the most pitiful man in America tonight is not a man in an insane institution. Or a woman who's blind or somebody who's crippled the most pitiful man.

Maybe a man going into the Waldorf Astoria tonight and his wife's dripping with diamonds. And he has a hundred million bucks to his name. The most unfortunate man in America is a man who bothers forsaken.

And for years I meditated over this phrase and couldn't find an answer. He says take not by Holy Spirit from me. Why? And then I think I I found an answer to satisfy myself. It doesn't satisfy you. Who was the king before him.

Well saw saw the anointed saw who had the holy oil saw was elevated to be a leader of the people and The spirit was on him and not only that he had gifts of the spirit. He prophesied, but he died a suicide.

Remember how Saul when God had forsaken him went round and he says, you know I've tried everybody and nobody gives me a word of comfort. If only I could if only I could well I'll tell you what I'll do.

I Go see that old witch down the road, you know. They say she can deal in familiar spirits and he went round and paid her some money and he says would you bring up Samuel? And maybe the only time in history there was ever a genuine re incarnation.

Samuel comes up.

And David says Samuel. Oh Here's the prophet of God.

You know Samuel you remember you anointed me to be king didn't you? Yes, I anointed you he said but Samuel God forsaken me and he thought Samuel would smooth it over because he was a king. But Samuel would say no, he's not forsaken.

He's a little grieved with you, you know, and I'd like you that you don't have as much favor as you used to have. But he's not really forsaken you. God of forsaken God hath forsaken thee. You notice what Saul said?

He didn't say call on our God. He said call on thy God. God hath forsaken thee and you end out and propped up his sword and fell on it and then the malachite helped to put him to death. The man who once had the anointing the man who once had prophetic gifts the man.

And every eye in Israel was upon him and he sees the danger now. The lights are flashing and he says that's what I take not my Holy Spirit from me. He calls the Spirit of God the Spirit of God. Pardon me the Spirit of holiness and Because he's the Spirit of holiness.

He convinced convicts of sin. He's called the Spirit of life and therefore he convicts of death. He's called the Spirit of fire. Therefore he convicts of coldness. He's called the Spirit of power. Therefore he convicts of weakness.

Oh Well, we're living in a day, of course when we've rather Rewritten the record the vocabulary haven't we? This man doesn't hide it doesn't moderate. He uses these bitter bit of phrases. He says restore unto me the joy of thy salvation.

What's he saying? In essence? He's saying I'm a I'm a Well and a backslider. Now we don't use that word anymore. That's a dirty word. You don't use that anymore. You just make it smooth and say well, you know John there we need to pray for him.

He's out of fellowship. Well, I'll go for the scriptures anytime and use this bitter word. He's a backslider brother. However, whichever way you look at it, he's a backslider. Isn't he? Restore unto me the joy.

We try and get it some other way. The joy of thy salvation and Uphold me with thy free spirit, you know this this this Psalm again have some amazing words in it. But you see again, we we don't do what the Bible does.

The Bible talks about iniquity and we've modified it. We've kind of scaled that word down from iniquity and we call it infirmity. God says sin is enmity against God. You see every man and woman. They're not all prodigal.

Some of them have too much respect to go to the swine troughs and the flesh pots and live in Sodom and Gomorrah. But I don't believe God's first argument with a man is he's a prodigal. God's first argument with a man is he's a rebel.

God's not gonna rule my life. Oh. You could live as clean as an archangel and go to hell. You don't have to trail through the sewers. You don't have to go down Bourbon Street. You don't have to go to the ninth spots the flesh pot.

Just refuse to let God have dominion over your personality. That's all. No, no, we don't call it iniquity. We call it infirmity. We don't call it wickedness. We call it weakness. We don't call it Enmity.

We call it error. But oh, you know when I get down to these words I find that these words are really really really tough things to take from the book of God. He doesn't call sin a blunder. It calls in blindness.

It doesn't call sin lawlessness that Liberty as we do it called it lawlessness. David doesn't try to modify it. He's prepared to take all these stinging rebuking words. And as the old hymn says the chords that were broken He wants them to vibrate once more.

The relationship is broken and a contrite heart. Oh God. Did you ever break a limb? 1951 I did a two-week meeting for dr. Tozer and We had he said the best revival in his church that he'd had in nearly 30 years of ministering there.

I've never taken a soloist around with me other people can or a song leader. I've usually taken a prayer partner and I had a whole. I had with me old Tom Hare the Irishman. And we had had morning prayer sessions and we had had He on the on the Sunday on the Saturday night when we went to bed Tom Hare I haven't been to bed for five nights that week.

It stayed up and prayed through and when we went to bed, I tell you we were tired that night and You know what happened? The hotel caught fire and we had to jump out of the fourth-story window down and hit the deck and Tozer puzzled it out and he said you know what I think he said I think we got so far into the devil's Territory this week that the devil said there's only one thing to do and that's kill those two fellows.

So he set the hotel on fire to try and kill us. You know, you better watch it if you want blessing. You're just asking for the devil to chase you ten times hotter than he'll chase anybody else. Because if God opens the window of heaven the devil will open the door of hell and you'll be caught between the two.

You've got no choice. You know and I jumped out of that window. Hit the sidewalk broke my back in three places and both my legs and and my my feet and I Just lay there in the gutter. Three o 'clock Sunday morning and no preacher should be out on the street in his pajamas at that hour.

It's not healthy, but then I was lying in the street in my in my pajamas and and I couldn't do a thing. I tried to get up. Nothing would respond. Oh, I knew my back was broke. Tried to push up with my hands couldn't do anything and Fella came around the corner and I don't know where he'd been or what he was doing.

But he just looked and he says hi. I said hi. Yeah, he said what are you doing here. I nearly said playing tennis what do you think. He said well get up. He said, you know some traffic could come around the corner and you'd get hurt.

Isn't that subtle humor? Hmm. I said I think I'm hurt already. No, no get up. He said I can't get up. Well, don't be stupid. He said, you know something might come around that corner and they wouldn't have chance.

He just run over he'd crush you. I said I'm afraid I'm crushed already anyhow. He said you can't stay there. I said I don't want to. But I said I can't go. I said I'm not gonna let you lie there and he bent.

I said don't touch me. I Certainly will he said and you know. He put his hand under my broken legs and he put his arm under my broken back and lick me all lifted me up. He thought he was doing me a favor.

I don't know what kind of a favor because there was a snowbank at the side of the street and he laid me in that. Whether he's putting me in deep freeze just to start. I Wouldn't know but he laid me then and I began to shake and to share.

You know, I never lost consciousness one second. But I'll tell you something as soon as that man picked me up and you may have had a worse experience. But as soon as he picked me up every one of those broken bones rubbing together, you know.

Like you take two broken wires of electricity and they spark. Oh every nerve I had screamed out and my mother used to say now always be you know, never be weak. Don't shout and I bit my lip as a matter of fact, I bit a hole right through the inside of it.

I wasn't gonna squeal be a good English bulldog and don't say anything. I like saying a lot that. The bones were broken. Oh Brother what an experience and You know this song never meant too much to me until I had that experience.

I hope you won't have to have it to realize what it means. But I can understand what David says the bones which that has broken. He hadn't got a broken bone in his body. He's a healthy vigorous young man, but his relationship with God is broken and he said all the pain of it the agony of it.

Sin, Repentance, and the Difference in Attitude

More than once people have said to me Well, brother, Amy, what's the difference between the sin of a sinner and the sin of a believer? So supposing for instance here is a man that's a Christian. He tells the lie.

There's a man. He's a Christian and somehow falls into adultery. Here's a man and well, he just does some silly thing and Didn't intend to do it, but he got mad and hit a man. He struck the wall and he died.

What what's the difference in the sin. No difference. Not a bit of difference. The difference is in the attitude of the sinner. This man will go and do the same sin again. But all if the man is a true man of God when he's committed a sin like that, he's a heartbroken man.

Nothing satisfies him. Oh. Don't take it too serious David. Just look through the window see that bodyguard outside here for every time I see those soldiers my sin is before me. I remember I put the captain of the guard to death.

My sins before me when I look out. Listen to that little baby crying in the other. Yes, that reminds me of the baby I fathered to that Sheba. I can't turn one way or the other way. God has sent me in my sin is ever before me.

I've said more than once I think modern evangelists are about the most stupid men on earth. How do you break up the fallow ground sow the seed water the seed and gather a harvest all in an hour? Do you know because I don't.

But all the evangelists read we had a good evangelist. He was a nice man. In fact, you know, I think maybe a spiritual any man, but you know, hardly anybody came to the altar all the way. You know, we should do in most churches burn the altar.

It's become an idol. Charles G Finney the greatest soul winner America ever had. Never made an altar call within 30 days of starting a gospel crusade. 30 days. He piled on the agony. He didn't preach the love of God.

He preached the wrath of God. He didn't preach heaven. He preached hell. He didn't preach law grace. He preached law. He didn't say, you know, you're just a poorly little unfortunate thing born with a little black spark in you and and God loves you.

But hate your sin. He really said what the Bible said. God is angry with a wicked every day. You can't separate a man from his sin. You know, the church is so sick today. We need an evangelist to evangelize the evangelist.

We need some teachers to teach the Bible teachers. We need some counselors to counsel the counselors. We've never been as sick as we are now. Somebody gives you a little track with four laws on it. Do you believe this.

God wants to make you happy as a plan for your life? All you have to do is say yes, Lord, and I met a man. He says I'm going to Europe. In fact, he came to a crusade. I was having an island and he said, you know, I brought 500 of these tracks with me coming to breakfast one morning.

He said I had a great time coming down the road. Just just left the house 10 minutes ago and I let six people to Christ in the last 10 minutes. Boy, you couldn't get it much quicker than that. Could you?

Huh? Oh Theological fathers used to talk about prevenient grace. Remember that funny old term. The working of the Spirit of God may be years before you ever came to him. Oh what we need in America what we need in England what we need in this generation is a plague of Holy Ghost.

Conviction till men and women get sick and they lower themselves. How you can bend in an altar now say sure I want to be saved. Amen, brother the Lord's blessing. I want to be filled with the Spirit. Amen.

Amen. Yeah, you've got a manifestation time. Well come back next week. Oh, I can't I I'm. I'm singing in the Flamingo in Las Vegas for the next month in a night spot. I Can't come. I'm sorry. I'd like to That I'm singing with those nudie girls In Las Vegas, but what about you?

Oh, I can't come. I'm just gonna make a film. You know, I'm one of the top entertainers in the country just being filled with the Holy Ghost. Who are you fooling? You're not fooling me. I'll tell you that Brother, you can't be filled with the Holy Ghost and live in a lousy world like that.

You've got to beat it and get out of it. Is this vile world a friend to grace to help me unto God? Hmm. Why Jesus could have started off right away and say hey, you're a Pharisee, you know, no, I'm not gonna be rough on you.

Let's just find a little place. We're gonna start an ecumenical the crowd here in In Jerusalem and you know, I'll come to terms with you on this level and you're a Pharisee, huh? And you're a Sadducee.

Sadducees differed from you know, the Sadducees didn't believe in the resurrection. That's why they were Sadducee. But He didn't make terms with any of them did he? No, he laid down the law of the kingdom and when he needed followers the most that they started say well.

You know, I didn't get a great fella. I'd like to join it. He says look you will you sit down and count the cost and they did and they did. Not join him. Oh David can't find any comfort. Blessed is the man who receives a double portion of Holy Ghost conviction.

Holiness, Conviction, and the Need for Revival

I preached in the Keswick meetings in London, England. And they had a desk like this a little more ornate rather rather a beautiful desk and the church was Gothic. It had gorgeous stained-glass windows.

And it was an afternoon meeting with a lot of wonderful people in and as I stood there just as we were singing the hymn before preaching I kind of fingered the desk like this and rubbed my feet and and Felt kind of a little happy not particularly Inspired but I was thinking of a man who used to handle that desk.

His name was top lady ever hear of him. He wrote a hymn called rock of ages cleft for me. I've actually maybe you have I've I've hidden in the cleft of that rock down down near the city of Bath where we used to live.

You know one day he got an overwhelming revelation of the sinfulness of sin and of the holiness of God. And he didn't talk in any terms about it any easy terms any cheap term. He got to the place of David.

He had a broken and a contrite heart and he scoffed his heart out. He forgets his intellectual standing and all his culture and there with a naked broken spirit before God. He says foul. I saw that fountain fly wash me Savior or I die.

Your sin isn't some little virus that's causing spots. Your sin my dear friend is a cancer. That will burn in you in time and it'll burn through you in hell if you don't get rid of it. I am persuaded you may not be.

I am persuaded our present Christianity is an embarrassment to God. We sickly compromises with the world with a Roman Catholic Church with anybody as long as we have a good time in a banquet. Yeah. Maybe one night the Lord.

Let me see. I'll only be here next week two nights next week to preach. So I better find out God's mind what he wants those two nights. One night I would like to preach on John Baptist if he let me. Another night I'd like to preach on the judgment seat maybe next Thursday night if if I can get permission from above and and I'll have to do that.

But oh my I remember, you know that I ever heard a dear old Baptist preacher called Vance Havner. You ever hear him? Isn't he something? He's worse than me and that's saying something but I Heard Vance Havner over the radio one day in a home in Chicago.

Do you know he was saying from Winona Lake what America needs is a John the Baptist to go through the churches, you know. Pull down the hills fill in the valleys make the crooked places straight uproot the trees.

And then in his own whimsical way said but God help the man. He'll need a fiberglass suit. Sure, you start exposing sin in the death. Oh if you expose sin and sinners and other that's all right. You'll bring some kids converted from drugged addiction.

That's great. But you start exposing the cancer in the hearts of preachers and deacons and elders and someone why we were in a southern Baptist Church. Two weeks ago. We nearly had a riot. We nearly had a riot in the Wimartha just some nights almost had a riot brother.

God came down some nights and those people didn't know where they were or what they were doing. God just cut people's hearts open like that and showed them what was inside and they were so sick and. They were so broken and so contrite.

You know, I like this little word that David has here. When he's recognized all his sinfulness and his sin and his backsliding and his failure. He comes and he says have mercy on me. That's a lovely word, isn't it?

Huh? Hmm when no bill they are there was only one door wasn't it? And if you come to the ark of safety, there's only one door that you can get in and it's the door of mercy. No other door not if you're as rich as creases.

Not if you're six all well in Oklahoma and your granny left your fortune that won't make any odds. Just one door. You know, I've often I wonder down all got the crown. How in the world did he get those animals through that window?

I can see him getting two or three monkeys though. They've been mischievous that I'm getting elephant. But I sometimes wonder how he got the giraffe in. I think it may be backed it in. How did he get a giraffe in through that door with a neck like that.

Boy, that'll be as hard as God getting you with your long stiff neck. Maybe laughter back you in it. Hmm, how did he get all those and there's only one door? By which if any man into it. I remember one day teaching a team challenge and before I spoke in the morning session a little fellow I forget his name a little Puerto Rican stood up and with the tears running down his face.

He said just before brother a bill speaks. He said I I think we should sing. You know what almost our national anthem. Amazing grace how sweet. And you know those kids to that and I sat there and looked till the tears ran down my poor old heart cheeks to.

You know every girl on this side of that section of the church almost without section exception was a prostitute. Oh. They weren't five dollar prostitutes. They were prostitutes to your darling ballplayers.

They gave me names of the guys. They slept with and that they got two thousand dollars for a weekend and one girl had five full length mink coat. And a stack of jewelry in a box this size and that depth and she drove up to the our office in a white Cadillac.

But she said after a while when she'd been there and God saved her. She said you know there wasn't one girl though. They went out looking like Marilyn Monroe or someone else gorgeous beautiful girl. Went to the leading hotels in the city.

But she said when they came home at four o 'clock in the morning of five o 'clock there wasn't one girl that didn't cry herself. Asleep every night of her life. I looked at the other boy. My dear Martha said to me one day you know that fellow petty looked such a nice fellow.

I wonder what his life is. One day I was taking my dinner as they handed it over the table and I said hey Peppy you're a nice guy say. How long you been in this racket? And he smiled he said well Brother, I know the first time I carried a gun.

I carried a 38 when I was eight. Like the first man. I murdered. I was eight when I murdered the first man. And I said how many more did you murder lost count I? Was in a double murder when I was 12. I was in another double murder about two years after that and then I was in you know that famous racket and He said you know I I'm not being out of sing-sing long.