Episode 648: TLP 648: God’s Plan for Your Family, Part 1 | what you shouldn’t

We need to figure out who your family's authority is. Does your family have the rules it has because the parents decide? Are the children the people who decide what the family does? Parenting isn't about us.

In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give God the preeminence in their parenting.

I'm your host, AM Brewster. I am a husband, a father, I've worked at a boys home for at-risk teens, and I've been a biblical counselor for 20 years. I've worked with many marriages, single child homes, split homes, multi-child homes, blended families, divorces and remarriages, fostering cases and adoption, and anything else you can imagine.

And I love working with families because the family dynamics are second in importance only to the individual relationship we're all to have with God. The core family is also exceptionally important to the community, the nation, and the globe.

As the individual fails, the family fails, and soon follows the world. That's why I've dedicated my life to serving families by creating free content like this podcast, writing books like Quit, How to Stop Family Strife for Good, by traveling and speaking, and by counseling.

And I'm honored you're joining me today because that says that family is also important to you. And I hope your whole family is with you today. We want even your youngest to be able to participate, well, as long as they can communicate.

I suppose your infants will just have to listen, and we all know how patient and quiet I'm sure they'll be. But before we get any further, you should download and print out one copy of the life work entitled Family Plan from Colossians.

That's linked for you in the description. And you'll also find a transcript and links to other related resources we've created to help your family learn to glorify God even better. So if you have your family and the handout, you're all set to start.

I'm going to work through the handout in three stages over these three episodes, but I'm not just going to read the life work. I'm also going to provide additional information that's not on the paper.

Now normally I'd encourage families not to fill out the life work as you go, as you listen to these episodes. But this one is simple enough that a good listener and a quick writer should be able to fill in the blanks with no problems at all.

You're going to notice that parts two and three are very easy to fill out, and you may want to do that together as part of your family devotions even this week. And that would be totally wonderful. I wouldn't mind if you moved ahead in our study.

Your family taking the time to read the verses and filling out the blanks will be very beneficial. But I would still encourage you to join us next week and the week after for the family session as we'll go into even more detail to help your family and cement the lessons that hopefully you've been learning.

As a biblical counselor, of course, I'd love for this material to be custom applied to your family. The application I'll give on these episodes will be good, but it could be so much more specific if we were actually meeting together.

And that's something that we could do if you're interested. If you'd like to meet with me individually or as a family, that can be arranged and I'd be honored to serve you in that way. More information will be given to you at the end of this episode if you'd like to meet with a biblical counselor.

And finally, if this podcast is a blessing to you, we hope that you'll partner with us in prayer. Please ask God to help us keep, help keep us faithful to his word. Ask him to help other families to find us and please ask him to bless this ministry.

But you can also partner with us by becoming monthly donors. For as little as $5 a month, your family can support this nonprofit. And if you can always, you can always give more than that and all of your gifts of any size will be tax deductible.

Building a Family Plan from Colossians 3

And I think that is more than enough introduction for today. So here we go. The first page of your life work includes the instructions for this project. And it's important that we all hear and understand what we're doing.

You're going to use the following outline as a starting point for something I'm calling your family plan. As always, you may feel free to add to your plan, but for the sake of this assignment, I recommend you keep the basic structure as provided in the handout.

What we're going to do is create a family plan based off of God's expectations in Colossians chapter three. Now it's not a very long passage and it doesn't have a lot of expectations. This is a very basic family plan.

And it's designed to start that way. Now I recommend you read all of Colossians three together. I won't be reading the whole chapter here today as I'll only be reading verses one through nine. You could do that reading maybe later this week.

You can read Colossians three before overviewing the life work, or you can skim the handout before reading the chapter. Now some of these instructions on this first page will help you if you do the assignment without listening to the podcast episodes.

So I'll skip those since you're obviously here listening today. Number six says, as you fill out the plan with your family, it will be important to discuss what certain words mean. For example, what is the passion being discussed in verse five?

What does God mean when he says not to be embittered against somebody in verse 19? Be quick to admit when you don't know the answers and guide your family in the study necessary to discover what the words mean so that everyone in the family understands the expectations.

I'll be doing some of this with you on this short series, but it's a great habit to get into. Make sure everyone really understands what the scripture is talking about. Number seven says, once you've worked all the way through the document, explained it and clarified any misunderstandings, everyone in the family should have the opportunity to say whether or not they believe that this is a good plan for your family.

Disagreement will help you see your family members' greatest needs and agreement will set the stage for accountability and follow through. This is very important. Hopefully we'll all remember to do this at the end of each section.

It's not good enough to accept what may appear to be tacit compliance. Everyone in your family should be able to verbally agree or disagree that this family plan is a good one. And when you're finished, I suggest you revisit your new family plan often.

It's valuable to review the material when things are going well and very helpful to reference the plan when a family member is working against their God-given purpose. This plan is designed to be the backbone document of who your family is and therefore a guide to what you'll do and what you won't do.

God's Authority Over the Family

And it's the what we won't do that's the focus of our study today. But we need a little direction before we can start saying, we don't need, we don't do these things as a family. We need to figure out who your family's authority is.

Does your family have the rules it has because the parents decide? Are the children the people who decide what the family does and doesn't do? I have a wonderful short study on authority in the family that I think you should all know.

I'll link it for you in the description of today's episode. Anyway, even though it may seem obvious to some of you, you're listening to this podcast and you have hopefully your Bible open to Colossians because hopefully your family recognizes or at least should recognize that the God of the Bible is your authority or should be.

More specifically, number one on your handout, our family follows Christ. Now, unfortunately, we don't have the time to talk about who Jesus is. I recommend you parents have that conversation with your kids if you haven't already.

And even if you have, I hope you talk often of who Jesus is, what he's done, and the plan he has for us. I hope you talk often of God the Father and God the Holy Spirit. I hope everyone in your family already knows who Jesus is, but it'll be important to substantiate this before we meet again next week.

Otherwise, we don't know who we're following or why. Now, I've linked some resources for you parents in the description if you're curious about some good ways to talk to your kids about God. So, why should our families follow Christ?

Seeking, Thinking, and Living Like Christ

Well, let's read Colossians 3, 1 through 4 together. I'll be reading from the Legacy Standard Bible. Therefore, if you have been raised up with Christ, that means if you've been saved, if you've been born again, keep seeking the things above where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.

Set your mind on the things above, not on things that are on the earth, for you died and your life has been hidden with Christ and God. When Christ, who is our life, is manifested, then you also will be manifested with him in glory.

The four truths we learn from these verses are as follows. Letter A. Our goal is to seek Christ. Verse 1 says to keep seeking things above where Christ is, but what does that mean? To make it simple, the Bible teaches us that we can come to know Jesus better as we read about him in the scriptures.

The truth about God and the quote-unquote things above are written for us in the Bible. Not only is God talked about in the Word, but since Jesus is the Word when we read the Bible, it's like Jesus is talking directly to us.

Everything he says is important and it all teaches us more about him. Letter B. Our goal is to think like Christ and resist thinking like the world. Set your mind on the things above, not on things that are on the earth.

We will learn how Jesus thinks only as we study the scriptures. It's super easy to think like the world because we're all born sinners. I'll include a resource called The Spiritual Warfare in Your Home because it teaches us about Satan, the world, and the flesh, and how we're tempted to give in to them every single day.

These extra resources are designed for the parents, and really they're the heartbeat of this ministry. We want to equip you with all the information you need to be the dads and moms God called and created you to be.

Letter C. Our goal is to act like Christ because we've died to our own desires and have new life in God. Most people, especially children, want to know why. Why do we have to go to bed when the sun's up?

Why do we have to eat our vegetables? And even, why do we have to act like Christ? I hope you parents share the gospel with your family so they understand what Jesus did for us when he was born onto this earth as fully God and fully man.

How he lived a perfect life, died in our place, was raised from the dead in defeat of death and hell, and ascended to his rightful place at the Father's side. We will never want to say no to our flesh and yes to the Spirit if we don't know and truly believe in what Jesus has done for his children.

But when I understand and believe in what Jesus did for me, I will definitely want to be more like him. And finally, letter D. Our goal is to one day live with Christ for all eternity in glory. This is the glorious truth taught in verse 4.

And though there are many more truths to be known from this passage and about, you know, God in general, many more things to be understood and believed about him, everything that follows in this chapter hangs on these four truths.

Your family should seek Jesus in the pages of scripture so that you can think like him, live like him, and one day live with him in eternity. That's the reason your family is going to not do the things that displease the Lord.

Your family rules should exist to support God's will for our lives. Everyone in the family should be able to say that we don't do these things because God tells us not to. And they should be able to at least paraphrase the Bible verses that teach the corresponding truth.

Otherwise, they're just doing what they were told because they were told. But we really need to believe it. And so, we move to our final point for today. Number two, because our family follows Christ, we put off sinful living.

Putting Off Sinful Living

That means we don't do sinful things. Now, you might be asking, what is sin? Why is sin so bad? If anyone in your family is asking these questions, then those questions need to be answered using the Bible.

Of course, we have biblically-based resources that will help, and they'll be linked in the description. As I read verses five through eight, listen carefully for all the things that we shouldn't be doing.

Therefore, consider the members of your earthly body as dead to sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which is idolatry. On account of these things, the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, and in them you also once walked when you were living in them.

But now you also lay them all aside, wrath, anger, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Again, we have many resources that help us better understand each of these prohibitions. For example, we have a whole series about parenting angry children.

So, please check out our website, truthloveparent .com, to find more assistance for overcoming sin in your family. But for now, let's start by simply filling in the blanks on your family plan. Letter A, we will put off immorality.

The English word moral refers to pursuing right behavior and rejecting wrong behavior. Because we follow Christ, He's the one who gets to tell us what's right and wrong. But the Greek word used is much more specific than just general wrong behavior.

Now, I want you parents to have the freedom to teach your kids what God says about some of the topics our culture deems sensitive. So, for the sake of simplicity, I'll say that the Greek word translated immorality here refers to the way we physically interact with each other and how we think about each other.

And I fervently hope you'll talk with all of your children early and often about this topic. Now, of course, we have so many resources available for you in our podcast and book suggestions. But I shall move on to a point we can discuss more candidly.

Letter B, we will put off impurity. This Greek word has much more in common with our English word immorality. Actually, it refers to moral purity. Purity is the absence of dirt, grime, and anything bad that shouldn't be there.

We all want pure drinking water. We want to purchase pure honey. We don't want anything to be mixed in that shouldn't be. This word refers to being spiritually unclean, this idea of impurity. Well, what shouldn't be there then?

God's telling us in these verses. In fact, there are over 600 different sins itemized throughout the scriptures, and it highly benefit our families to understand God's perspective on what belongs and what doesn't.

Will your family pursue purity? Well, if you're genuinely going to follow Christ, then you must. That means that you need to know what's impure and what's pure. Now, this is a more general word, and Paul, the author of this letter to the Colossians, is going to get more specific as the list goes on.

Desires, Greed, and Idolatry

For example, letter C, we will put off passion. Now, this is a very interesting Greek word. And as is so often the case, the English word really doesn't do it justice. This word can refer to general suffering.

But Paul is not commanding us to put off suffering that happens to us. We don't have control over that. People sin against us. The natural consequences of living in this world bring suffering. But we have the promise of God that God actually wants to use our suffering to make us more like him.

So, we're not being told to put off suffering that over which we have no control. But this word is referring to the suffering that we bring upon ourselves. It refers to a feeling which the mind suffers.

Though the Greeks use this word in either a good or bad sense, the Bible predominantly uses it in a negative sense by referring to depraved passions or vile passions. This includes being passionate about sin.

You see, sin always hurts. Sin always brings suffering. But it also includes the suffering that we bring on ourselves because of our passions. We can be so impassioned about our situation that we bring extra depression and anxiety and pain into the situation.

Now, of course, we can't unpack it all now. That's why working with a biblical counselor could be really helpful. But there are so many passions against which we need to guard ourselves. Again, Paul is going to get more specific in a moment.

Letter D. We will put off evil desire. Now, it's not wrong to desire something, but it is wrong to desire something wicked. Sometimes we wish that we were allowed to do things the Lord condemns. Have you ever seen someone doing something you're not allowed to do and wish you could do it?

That's evil desire. Sometimes we use the word lust to describe this. But this word can also be translated covet. It's pretty obvious that we shouldn't covet bad things, but coveting good things can also be a sin.

And that's where we transition to our next point. Letter E. We will put off greed. It's not wrong to desire for good things, but the Lord is the one who decides if he blesses us with those good things.

If we're discontent and we covet things the Lord is not pleased to give us, then this too is sin. Have you ever been upset your family doesn't have more money or nicer things or a new car or better food or nicer siblings?

Be careful. God says that coveting things that aren't ours is a sin. And then Paul says that all of these things add up to idolatry. Letter F. We won't be idolatrous. Very simply, idolatry is any time we worship something other than God.

Now, I understand we're running short on time, so let me say this. The biblical concept of worship is probably not what you think it is. Please listen to our Mearest Christianity series in order to learn what worship is and discover just how we worship idols in our lives.

That series will also teach you how to better worship God today than you did yesterday. Idolatry is a massive issue all throughout the scriptures because it's a massive issue in the human heart. It's a massive issue in my heart.

Anger, Wrath, Malice, and Harmful Speech

Don't take it for granted that you don't worship things you shouldn't. Now, I'm going to move pretty quickly through these next six points because we have free resources that dig into them much more deeply.

Letter G. We will put off anger. Anger is a word that refers to the slow burn. It might not always be obvious that someone is angry. They're like Bruce Banner who supposedly controls the Hulk by always being at least a little bit angry.

But that's not the only form of anger. Letter H. We will put off wrath. Wrath is the type of anger that explodes in emotional outbursts. It's temper tantrums and explosive encounters where someone is happy one moment and maybe angry the next.

Letter I. We will put off malice. Malice describes an anger that wants to hurt someone else. It's the anger that leads to us hitting people and things, breaking stuff, and spreading secrets because we want to hurt someone's feelings.

And speaking of spreading secrets, letter J. We will put off slander. Slander is the way or is the things that we say to tear someone down. It's part of gossip and it's basically the nasty things we say about people whether they're true or not.

Letter L. We will put off abusive speech. This word is a little more difficult to define. It's only used this one time in the scripture and it has the idea of obscene or abusive communication. It's clearly referring to something that's shameful or unacceptable because that's the root of the word.

It's filthy. It's foul and low. I believe this encompasses the terminology that our culture deems inappropriate like swearing. It definitely includes the cruel things we say to people and our malicious desire to cause them pain.

But it's also just empty and base. Some people might refer to this as bathroom humor or potty humor or just being crass. If you're uncertain what language might be considered abusive speech in your home, be sure to ask your parents or meet with a counselor.

Lying and the Need for Truthfulness

And finally, letter K. We will put off lying. And I'm just now realizing I forgot to read verse 9. Verse 9, Colossians chapter 3 says, Do not lie to one another since you put off the old man and its evil practices.

Lying isn't just saying things you know aren't true. When we unknowingly say things that are untrue, the consequences are the same. We've given people the wrong information, which may result in hurting them and or making us untrustworthy.

We must all be careful, extra careful, to make certain that what we claim is actually true. Jesus says that our yeses need to be yes and our noes need to be no. We have another short series about parenting lying children if that might be a benefit to you.

Now, let's remember that these podcast episodes are merely an overview of the content. It's in everyone's best interest to study these concepts more carefully to make sure that we truly know what's being discussed, understand the implications, and grapple with whether or not we really believe it to be true.

Do you believe that your family shouldn't be doing the things that we talked about today? Do you believe that you shouldn't be doing it because God says so? We still have two more parts before we complete our family plan.

Following God and Glorifying Him as a Family

But for now, we have the important foundation. First, we need to be a family who follows God. That means that we need to read, study, memorize, and meditate on the Bible so that we can better know, understand, and believe Him.

Second, as we get to know Him better, we're going to find that there are things we need to stop doing if we're going to glorify Him in our worship. No immorality, no impurity, no evil passions and desires, no greed, which is all idolatry.

And we just stay far away from anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive speech, and lying. I don't know about your family, but I know that my family still doesn't follow our family plan as perfectly as we ought.

We're sinners. These are points we all need to be working on all the time. So, here are a few things for you to do before we meet next week. I would make it a point to read the full chapter of Colossians 3 a couple times before then, either as a family or individually or both.

I would also ask that you share this episode with other families who want to follow Christ. That's a loving thing to do. Of course, we need to work hard this week to actually avoid these sins, and I hope that you'll help each other to do that.

If you're finding that that may be more difficult than you thought to avoid these sins and you'd like specific personal application and help in any or all of these areas, please email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com or you can leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894.

And then join us next week as we move forward in the passage to learn about the things that we should be doing as a Christ-honoring family. I'll see you then. Truth Love Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship God through your parenting.

So, join us next time as we study God's word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness. And remember that TLP is a listener-supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com forward slash donate to learn more.