TLP 211: Teach Your Children to Think | Carolyn Brewster interview, Part 2

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For all you listeners out there, you know how some people say there are certain things you don't talk about at the dinner table?

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That wasn't a thing in the Brewster house. I mean, pretty much you could talk about whatever you wanted to talk about around the dinner table, whether there was company over or not.

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Welcome to Truth, Love, Parents, where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, AM Brewster. Welcome back to our two -part interview with my mom.

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Last time we laid the foundation for teaching your children to think by defining thinking and considering some paradigm -shifting realities about how

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God expects us to view life. Today we're going to get even more practical by giving you some ideas for how you can start training your kids to use their amazing minds that God has given them.

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This discussion will be Christ -honoring, practical, and filled with some crazy Brewster antics, so I hope you love it.

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All right. So let's get practical. And you've been doing a great job. Actually, a lot of little practical nuggets have been coming out as you've been talking.

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But again, I want to come up with some ideas. I want to give the audience something that they can use today, that they can wrap their minds around themselves and say, okay,

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I want to help my child learn to think in a Christ -honoring way. What does that look like? What do

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I have to do? You mentioned asking questions. You mentioned asking why questions. Can you give some examples, maybe some examples of when

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Jessica and I were growing up, things that you did? Maybe some hypothetical situations? Sure.

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One of the things that I was introduced to when we started homeschooling you kids, obviously, there was a big push on critical thinking and the necessity for training children to be able to think critically, because it is a lost art nowadays.

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But it was a method of teaching that I found fascinating, and it went something on the order of, when you're going to present your child with new material, the week before you plan on presenting that material, you start getting their brains thinking about it.

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For example, when you're going to introduce multiplication for the first time, you ask your child, what do you think would happen if we added three over and over and over and over again?

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And then let them postulate a little bit, regardless how incorrect or absurd it may sound at the time, let their brain start working on it.

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And then you go back and you introduce the material, okay, we've thought about this a while, show me a picture of three apples over and over and over and over again.

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And it's not until that time that you actually introduce to them, hey, I'm teaching you how to multiply. That kind of scares kids.

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And there's a spiritual example that just popped into my head, kind of based off that same concept. We've talked about this on other shows, but never really quite in this way.

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So I'm glad you put it this way. The idea of talking to our kids about sex, right?

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We're always waiting for that time to have the conversation about the birds and the bees. And I think we wait too long.

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We don't say anything about it whatsoever until the time comes, and then we're ill -equipped and it's awkward or whatever else.

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But if we start postulating it and we start giving little ideas and snippets and throwing it out there and discussing this facet of it and that facet of it, then when it comes time to have the more aggressive conversation, the more in -depth conversation with an older child, you've laid a groundwork and you've planted seeds that'll probably make it super easy or easier anyway for them to understand what you're talking about.

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Would you say that that's like identical with your multiplication example? Oh yes, absolutely.

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It's always a good idea, I've always felt, to just throw out these little tidbits of information and get their brains thinking about it, because there's a good possibility, you know, you talked about having the conversation about sex, there's a good possibility that your kids are already thinking about those things.

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And when you start throwing out just little curiosity questions and stuff, then that makes them more relaxed knowing, hey,

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I can talk to mom and dad about this, regardless of what it might be, whether it's the sex conversation or why are boys different than girls, you know, anatomy -wise or whatever the case may be.

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I think Christians have gone too long with being fearful of having conversations about those, you know, what we've considered taboo topics, but you know me,

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I'll talk about anything. For all you listeners out there, you know how some people say there are certain things you don't talk about at the dinner table?

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That wasn't a thing in the Brewster house. I mean, pretty much you could talk about whatever you wanted to talk about around the dinner table, whether there was company over or not, you know, it's just whatever.

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Oh yeah, it was a good thing. Yeah, so anyway, then after you've introduced the subject to them, then you go back and you review it.

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You don't just leave it. And this, I'll talk a little bit about how this looks as far as, you know, reproving our children and some of the steps to help them remember these things.

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But in critical thinking, it's not only important to have that what if question come up and then to actually sit down and study, but then it's also important that you're constantly going back and reviewing those things that you have learned.

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You asked if I could think of any situations from our family life. Do you remember, and I'm going to encourage parents to when your children come to you and ask you something like this, man, roll up your sleeves and jump in on it because it's an amazing time together.

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Do you remember when you came and asked us, hey, how long do you think the filament and the light bulb would burn if we broke the bulb off of it?

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I don't remember the question, but I do remember what happened next. So all of us got together, all four of us, and we asked ourselves,

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OK, what would happen? What is that filament made out of? What does the bulb around that filament do?

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And we discussed the vacuum, you know, inside the bulb and everything. And then we all guessed at how long we thought it was going to take for the filament to burn off.

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And if I remember correctly, your dad was almost like spot on. And I was so wrong.

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I thought, yeah, you hit that switch and that thing's just going to go up in flames. But we went ahead and we wrapped the bulb and we cracked the glass off of it.

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And then we carefully twisted it back into a lamp and we set it someplace safe with the least possibility of things catching on fire if this went terribly wrong.

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And we flipped that switch and to our amazement, that filament stayed lit for a reasonably long time.

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So we actually employed a lot of the seven skills in that little experiment.

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And I want to point out, too, that it wasn't I don't remember how long it was lit and it doesn't matter.

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I'm not going to show up on Jeopardy and be asked that given that answer. Right. It really wasn't the end result that was important.

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It was the process of thinking about it, learning to exercise our brains. This is something that dad used to do from time to time.

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I remember we'd be driving down the road and he would say something like, so what would you do if I passed out right now?

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And obviously, he's the one driving and I'm sitting in the passenger seat and my mind's whirring. I asked my son this question once.

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He was pretty young. I said, Micah, what would you do if right now I passed out? And he looked at me, immediately came to his lips.

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He said, panic. And I asked him when he was a lot younger than when dad asked me.

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But, you know, so I'm sitting there and I'm thinking about it. And there were two helpful things. I mean, yes, the obvious answer could potentially be beneficial if I were ever driving with my father and he passed out.

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That's never happened, though, you know, 38 years of life and that's never happened. And so can we say that the question was worthless because he was equipping me to do something

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I never had to do? No. You know, it's similar to learning to play music. The process of just going through the learning, it's the same thing as learning

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Latin, going through the process of learning sharpens your brain so that your ability to think about other things is improved, not just the thing that you're talking about.

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So really the most beneficial thing probably from the light bulb experiment was just the discussion, was just trying to hypothesize and imagine what may actually happen when the glass got shattered.

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Oh, absolutely. That thought process is so vitally important. And we skip that way too often in things that we really don't think we have to take the time to think through.

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But we really do. And you're right. When you do those experiments with your kids, it is teaching them that process.

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It's teaching them to think of questions that they normally wouldn't have even thought of before. And that's what we need to do.

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And then we take that and we apply that. What would you do if I passed out in the car? You know, we can take that thought process and then you're sitting there thinking, well, you know, what would

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I do? You know, what would I do if the car swerved off the road? What if we had an accident?

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You know, just all these things. And we're not doing these things to worry our children. We're doing it to help them to think and to, you know, plan, prepare, you know, whatever the case may be.

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OK, so that's a good example. It's really practical. Be prepared to answer the questions that your kids have.

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Be prepared to pose questions to them that they perhaps hadn't considered. You know, if you're ever looking for a good reason to break a light bulb and then, you know, turn it on in a lab, now you have one.

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So you can totally do that. Talk to us a little bit about movie watching in the

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Brewster household. What was that like? Oh, my goodness. Actually, I was

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I had this crazy idea. We were watching this series and it was like people standing outside a window and watching something that was really going on in everyday life.

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And some of the parents were making bad decisions and the children were making bad decisions.

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And I was sitting there thinking, man, I wish the show was on when my kids were younger because I'd be asking questions like,

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OK, so, you know, the dad responded in this way. Why was that a godly or ungodly response?

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Was that a good decision that that child made? You know, that boy was just told by his father, that girl is too old for you.

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You shouldn't be dating her. And he makes the decision he's going to do it anyway. OK, let's talk about what does

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God have to say about his response? Was that a biblical response or not? And why?

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So, yeah, you watch Disney movies. OK, kids, is it really a good idea to follow your heart?

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No. How did that work out for the princess? Exactly right.

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Stop the video that you're watching. Stop the movie and ask questions. Be engaged in the movie yourself.

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I just don't see the benefit of sitting and watching something just for the just to be entertained, to just totally shut your brain down and be entertained.

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When you have little kids and they're with you, take every opportunity to teach them. And I'll tell you, the movies that they have on these days, kids can learn so much of what not to do.

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So true. And sometimes, you know, I don't want to give people the wrong impression. We actually were able to watch an hour and a half long movie within the course of, you know, an hour and 40 minutes.

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OK, so it wasn't a constant discussion. But what would oftentimes happen is after the movie, there would be a discussion.

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And in fact, I can remember some times where we spent longer when the movie was over talking about the movie than we actually spent watching the movie.

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In fact, this this was such a big part of my life that my friends and I would do this. I remember when

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The Matrix first came out in the 90s or whenever that was, 2000s, whatever.

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And we we talked about that for I think we had like a three hour long conversation after the fact, bantering around about philosophies and theology and the different way that they they address certain issues within the film and things like that.

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And that was super important and beneficial to me. Again, just not only coming to conclusions about what we're watching so that we can think the way

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Christ would think, but then also just the process of learning how to think. Anything else?

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Any other situations maybe in how people would we would relate to our friends or adults, church, school and other things that would help us to see how you tried to teach

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Jessica and me to think? When a parent has an opportunity to to reprove their child or even reprove a friend.

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Reproof today is usually an expression of blame or disapproval, but in scripture, reproof includes that sense of refutation, correction and reasoning.

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And we call it interpretation and TLP. We like to use that idea of helping our child reinterpret what they're seeing in the way that aligns with God's truth.

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Oh, I like that. OK, so you need to discuss what occurred. You need to discuss the possible repercussions of what happened.

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Come up with biblical examples. Ask why the action displeased God. Ask them about the steps that they would need to take going forward to make better decisions.

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Teach them to think about and analyze why God says that these things are important to them.

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And a lot of times just asking questions is better than sitting there and throwing out, you know, you need to do this.

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You shouldn't have done that, whatever. But just, you know, get their brains thinking so that they eventually come to the proper conclusions.

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So in a situation perhaps where my child has done something they shouldn't have done, it sounds to me like we're we're talking about less telling and more asking.

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I said I could obviously list out this is what you did. This is why you shouldn't have done it. This is what God says about it.

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Now go do right. You know, and that's again, that's that lazy parenting, you know, even that good lazy parenting.

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When we come back to the Bible, it's just so easy to say, you know, you know, be kind, you know, love one another, stop complaining, you know, and all these biblical concepts.

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But asking them, trying to draw them to the truth. Can you figure out why it was that I'm upset with you about what you did?

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You know, you received this consequence for what you did. Why is that? And obviously this conversation is probably better to have before they've received the consequences.

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But hey, come here. For example, this just happened recently. Ivy ran into the room and she vaulted and she's sprinting across the sectional sofa and then she kind of jumped from one to the other couch, landed on her knees.

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Now it's kind of sitting there going like, what on earth? Like she knows you're not supposed to stand on the couch, jump on a couch, run on the couch, fly over the couch.

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These are things that we've discussed in the Brewster household. And yet she just did that with me standing right there.

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Boom. And it didn't even occur to her. I said, Ivy, come here. And she came over and I said, what did you just do?

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And she, you know, she's realizing, OK, OK, what I just did was wrong. And she answered the question.

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I did, you know, I did this. And the next question in my mouth was, why was that a problem? And we waited, we waited until she could enunciate what the issue was.

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And she was able to tell me that it was disobedience because she had been told not to do that. And she was able to tell me that disobedience is a sin that doesn't glorify

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God and displeases him. And it hurts the relationship between your mom or daddy and daughter.

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And she was able to speak through that and her ability to come to those conclusions, even if we're kind of helping along.

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That's just that's the process that we're talking about, helping your child to to take the knowledge, to understand it, to wisely apply it to life and hopefully be motivated by the fear of the

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Lord in all of this process that they are thinking and coming to conclusions that ultimately are just going to feel good to them, but also and most importantly, glorify

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God. I'm sure there's so much more we could say. What what else would you want to tack on here to the end?

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Something that's just really important. You don't want to we can't end without discussing it. Well, I think it's really important that we teach our children to live out the wisdom that they've learned.

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And this kind of goes back to those three steps of introducing a new topic that I was talking about. We know that children need and thrive on repetition for learning, but that the repetition is not the best way to do it.

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So we need to continually keep what they're being taught before them. We need to keep bringing back into remembrance what they're learning.

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We need to include the character traits in our family. God, you know, God and I time that they learn throughout the day.

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You know, when we approve a child, for example, Ivy, she was jumping on the couch or running across the couch, you know, in a day or two, go back to her and say,

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Ivy, remember when you were running across the couch? What are some of the things that we discussed? And what are the things some of the things you learned about that?

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Because I guarantee you there's a good possibility that since you got her thinking about it, that she has been ruminating over that whole conversation.

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And, you know, what went down and the things she learned and the things she said. And how she sounded when she heard her say, well,

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I just sprinted through the room and jumped on the couch thinking, oh, my goodness, I can't believe I did that.

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But we need to bring those things back to them. At the end of the day, discuss some of the reproofs our children received and never take or never miss the opportunity to take advantage of that pondering time they had throughout the day.

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And then at the end of the week, ruminate on the week's lessons. Have them create a notebook of scripture verses that will remind them of the valuable things they've learned for life and godliness.

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You know, God's character, how it should apply to their lives. Have them memorize those verses when they are struggling with a specific, you know, a problem or act of disobedience in their life so that they're able to bring them up whenever that they're needed.

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So, you know. But mom, this is too hard. I don't wanna.

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It's too this is too hard. I didn't sign up for this when I decided to make a baby. You know,

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I guess I wanna end with this. You know, guys, this is hard, okay? This is hard.

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It's not knee -jerk for some of us. Some parents, you know, we're really quiet. I can't say we.

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Some of you parents are really quiet. You know, it's hard to even like pull cognizant thoughts sometimes from you.

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You wanna be able to, you know, grunt and point and have things happen. But listen, I get that this is not second nature.

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In fact, to be completely honest, my base nature is a total loner. I know it's hard to believe that, you know, but really

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I could be locked in my house for a month without human contact and be totally fine. I think a one -man mission to Mars, I would love that.

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That would be so. I get excited thinking about all the things that I could do without any human interaction in my life and people wasting my time, right?

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So it's hard to think that I, Aaron, could understand that. But listen, I think that I am the way that I am. I think that had my mom not taught me to think,

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I would have been that guy blown about by every wind of doctrine, blown about by my emotions and just a total train wreck of an individual had my mom not obviously, you know, taught me to love the

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Lord, but then taught me how to think about life. And so, yes, parents, I wanna say that this is hard.

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In fact, I'm gonna agree with Paul David Tripp when he said it's impossible to be a parent, a good parent.

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It's impossible. We can't, we cannot glorify God in and of ourselves. And this is a big deal. And as we want our children to grow and mature, we need to realize that we, the parents, should be doing the growing and maturing first and foremost.

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We'll never make it as a parent. If you think you've made it and your kids just need to catch up with you, you are 100 % wrong.

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You need to be learning how to think better. You need to be learning how to gather knowledge and understand it and wisely apply it to life because the core of your being is to fear the

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Lord and your kids will benefit from that. So, yes, it does take a long time. You go through the light bulb process.

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You're sitting in the car talking about why we have eyelids. You're planting the seeds that will turn to a later discussion to talk about sex.

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You're trying to help your children understand why the friends they have aren't friends. You're not just gonna tell them, you're gonna present them scriptures.

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You're gonna ask them questions. Okay, so based off of what God just said in that passage, what does that tell you about the friends in your life?

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Are they really friends or are they enemies? Man, it's huge.

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It's a gigantic task. But remember, God's never gonna call you to something that he's not going to empower you to do, okay?

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If you're feeling like this is impossible, that you're failing as a parent, I just want to encourage you to recenter, refocus.

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You need to reevaluate your relationship with God, okay? It is hard. It's overwhelming.

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But with him, we can do all things. Now, that seems... I kind of like got a little bit off the rabbit trail.

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I do want to acknowledge the fact that this is a difficult thing and that it's not just gonna happen. It's no easier gonna just happen for us than it is for our children.

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We've got to work at it. And that's why TLP exists. We're here because all of us, you, me, my mom, everyone needs to mature and to grow.

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And we want to help each other out. So that's a massively huge, important concept to end up off with.

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But remember, the whole purpose of this, and the reason I think, mom, I'm gonna have you back on the show later on, maybe next year to do maybe some more episodes on maybe stepping through those seven skills or just something that we can get into more detail because this is a huge topic.

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It's massively important. And we need to start with our kids now. I would say that before they're able to verbally communicate, we need to be teaching them how to think.

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And then as they're able to verbally communicate and as they mature every step of the way, helping them to have the mind of Christ, that that should be our ultimate goal.

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So mom, it was an honor. It was a joy. I thank you for taking the time. I know you haven't been feeling very well recently, but I really pray that this is gonna be super beneficial to somebody out there.

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And I really believe it will. It was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. And yeah, you are right.

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This is a very daunting task, but parents, we all need to remember too, that there's a good possibility that we were not trained how to think as we were growing up.

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So you're going to have to put an effort into learning yourself what kinds of questions to ask.

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And how are you going to go about doing this with your children? But basically, I think the easiest way for you to start is to put a little bit of your kid on and just allow that curiosity to come back into your life that was once there, that awe and amazement in the world around us.

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And just let that little kid come out again. And I think you'll end up just doing a fine job.

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Just think of questions, encourage your kids to ask questions, ask them questions. And that's what

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TLP is all about. Helping to give you more ideas, helping you give new concepts, new questions to ask your kids.

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This whole, this big, larger concept, the series that we have about teach your children to fill in the blank is all about equipping you with the things that maybe you didn't know before.

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Or maybe you did know and maybe you just needed to be reminded about. So check out these episodes. If you've never listened to us from the beginning, go back to the pilot season and start listening from back then.

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I think my mom and dad just recently went through and listened to a whole bunch of them as they were traveling to and from Wisconsin.

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Share these episodes with your friends. We all need this. It's so beneficial. And if you, like my parents, love what

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TLP is doing and you wanna be a part of helping other parents all across the world have access to this information, which really is, again, this is not about Aaron Brewster, okay?

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This is not about Aaron Brewster. This is about God's word. This is about his truth and how we can wisely live it out in our parenting.

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And if you'd like to help other parents have access to that, then I encourage you and my mom would encourage you to click on the five ways to support

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TLP link that's in the description of this episode. You can also go to truthloveparent .com. Check out the resources we have there.

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And you can also learn more there about how you can support this ministry. There are five ways to do it. Three of them involve money.

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The other two don't. And I'd love it if everyone who listened to this show was doing at least one of those things. You guys are great.

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Thank you so much for joining us today. And I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye. Truth. Love.

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Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.