Dying of Cancer: Reflections From Pastor Bruce Morock

The Interview, Bruce’s Cancer, and God’s Sovereign Grace

Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is Justin Peters. I hope that you and your family are doing well today. I want to thank you so much for joining me for this podcast. I want to share an interview today with you.

An interview that was done by Jim Osmond, my friend and former pastor when we lived in Sandpoint, Idaho. That he did with a man named Bruce Morak. Bruce is a man that I did not know until about five weeks or so ago.

But Bruce and Jim and Josh Comstock and Jay Cates and more friends of mine. We all went to the Shepherd's Conference together. And for Bruce, this was his first Shepherd's Conference. Bruce is a pastor.

He's been a missionary. And he's always wanted to go to a Shepherd's Conference. He's never been able to until this year. And so this was his first one. But in all likelihood, it will also be his last one.

Because Bruce has cancer. Very, very severe cancer. It is all throughout the trunk of his body. In many, many organs. And of course, God is in control of all of these things. But as best we know, in all likelihood, he probably will not be able to go to another one.

He very well may not see the end of this year. I want you to hear his testimony. Jim is going to interview him and ask him about his testimony. How he came to Christ and his years as a missionary. And also his time now as a pastor in California.

And I just want you to hear about God's sovereign grace in his life. I want you to see just a beautiful example of his sufficient grace. His strength made perfect in weakness. And as you watch this interview, you'll see that things have not been easy for him.

This is a trial. It's a very severe trial. And trials are not enjoyable. That's why they're called trials. So it is not an enjoyable thing to go through this cancer. But he can have joy through the midst of these trials.

He can count it as joy because he knows who God is. He knows God. God knows him. And he knows he can rest in the sovereignty of God. And I think this will be a real encouragement to you. Maybe you're watching this and you have cancer.

Or maybe your spouse does. Or maybe your child or a family member or friend has cancer. If we don't have cancer ourselves, all of us, I think I can safely say, all of us know someone who does have cancer.

And so I think this will be a great encouragement to you. So watch this. Share this. And also notice that this is what a real Christian looks like. This is what real faith looks like. This is what knowing God looks like.

What you're about to see is completely foreign to the Word of Faith movement, the health and wealth gospel. There is no provision for this kind of suffering or trial in the Word of Faith movement. There's no place in that bankrupt theological system for what you're about to see.

And so this is just a beautiful example of God's sufficient grace. Psalm 119 .71 says that, It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. All things are not good. Cancer is not a good thing.

Car accidents, those are not good things. Abuse of whatever form, those are not good things. These are in and of themselves, they are not good. But God does work all these things out that in and of themselves are not good.

He works all of them out together for the good. And it is good for us as Christians when we are afflicted so that we might learn God's statutes. Because it's in times of trials that we are forced to lean harder on God.

So dear ones, I trust that this will be a great encouragement to you. I think it will. Please do share it with your friends, family members, anyone you know that might have cancer. I think it will be a great encouragement to them.

Without any further delay, here's Bruce.

Bruce’s Conversion and Early Christian Growth

All right, I want to introduce you to my friend Bruce Moorock. Bruce, you and I have known each other since 2005.

At least, right.

So we've got a little bit of a story we want to tell here. Not so much about how you and I met, because that's really irrelevant to all of this. But a little bit about your background, your salvation, what the Lord has done in your life.

And then after that, what you're going through now. So let's begin with the story of your conversion. Tell us how it is that the Lord sovereignly saved you.

Yeah, it's actually a pretty amazing story. My girlfriend's soon-to-be wife had an aunt, a cousin, who constantly left Christian literature around the house. And I would take that literature and toss it.

I threw away at least 30 pamphlets and books that were Christian, because I just wasn't interested at that time. I had grown up in the Catholic Church, but had rejected it. My parents didn't go to church, and I thought, this is kind of a farce.

So the first time that they said, you don't have to go to church anymore, was the last day I went to church. But one night I came home from a party, and there was a book sitting on the coffee table. And the name of the book was, Dear Dad, This is to Announce My Death.

And I sat down and read that book, and it was the story of my life. So it talked about good time Charlie, and how he was the hit of all the parties, and the funny guy, and the guy who could drink the most, and on and on like that.

Addicted to rock and roll, and drugs, and music, and immorality. But inside, empty. And this book exposed all of that. And then at the end of the book, there was the sinner's prayer. And I prayed that prayer.

Somewhere around 5 o 'clock in the morning in September of 74. And I believe, I sensed, that a transaction took place. In terms of forgiveness of sin. So, I was kind of promoting atheism, but deep down in my heart, I knew there was a God.

And I knew that God could not wait to get his hands on me. So my philosophy in life was, eat, drink, and be merry. Because once he gets his hands on me, it's going to be hell. And so, anyway, I prayed that prayer.

I didn't know what to do. Didn't say go to church, or find fellowship, or start reading the Bible. So for two years, I called those my incubator years. I just carried a New Testament in my back pocket, and that was my symbol.

The symbol that I was something.

Your girlfriend, fiancé, eventually your wife.

Became my wife, yeah.

Was she a believer at this time? What happened afterwards?

She was a Jesus person. She had come to Christ during the Jesus movement.

Okay.

What year was this, you say?

74.

That's right after the middle of that revolution.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she went to Bible studies, but it was all about color, aura, and numerology, and Jesus, and some other things like that. But she was living a godly life, with one minor exception.

Yeah.

She was living with you.

But anyway, I prayed the prayer that night, and before the sun came up, I asked her to marry me. I just somehow knew that was the right thing to do, and we did within a month after that. But anyway, for two years, I pretty much lived the same way.

My life didn't change much, but I was much more miserable with my sin. And then through a series of circumstances, which I won't go into in any detail, I got introduced to a couple in Sandpoint, Idaho.

By this time, I'd moved all the way across the country via the Air Force, and this couple basically introduced us to Christ. And when the gospel was explained to Linda, she says, You know, I've lived that life.

I've tried to live for Jesus, but I don't ever remember making that decision. So that day, this lady invited her to make the decision, and she did. When they asked me if I wanted to, I said, You know what?

I believe. I'm a Christian. But I just haven't been growing. I didn't even know what word to use. So that was basically the day that we both started measuring our growth, which was July 12, 1976. So from that point on, this couple introduced us to another couple, and that couple ended up taking care of us, taking us under their wings and raising us up in the faith and treating us like their very own children, invited us into their home and explained the gospel and explained Christian life.

And then in September of that same year, the lady, my spiritual mother, said, Bruce, I believe God's called you to preach the gospel. And that was August. And by September, I was in Bible school. Of what year?

Of 76.

So two years after you got saved, you were in Bible school.

Yeah.

Sovereign Grace, Reformed Theology, and Missionary Calling

Now, when you and I met in 2005, you and I were cut basically from the same theological cloth in that we both affirmed the doctrines of sovereign grace in salvation. So you obviously would not have been in that camp all along.

What was that transition like? Where were you introduced to some of that belief in the sovereignty of God?

Well, I think at least a couple of the professors at college were teaching the Reformed position. And I remember one of them was Bruce Gore and going through the Book of Romans with him and going through the Book of Hebrews with him and just loving the sovereign God that was presented in those books.

And so I learned to love it and then read the guys that were writing from that position. And so I just began to understand the Scriptures that way and understand my life that way that God was sovereignly in control.

Yeah. So you came to understand the sovereignty of God in all of life, particularly in the realm of salvation. And now you look back on your life and you can see how God has guided your steps,.

Took you to the mission field.

In what year?

Well, we went to southern Idaho in 19... We got the call in 1986 from a little missions conference in our home church. And I felt that the preacher was speaking to me. Kept moving over to make sure he wasn't speaking to the guy behind me.

And so we went to our elders in the church and we said, we think maybe God's calling us to missions. What do you think? Of course, I was a Bible college graduate. Yeah, I was new at the church. I was a teacher.

I expected them to say, absolutely. Yeah, no kidding. They said, well, we see some potential. So that was my first humbling, which I accepted from the sovereign hand of God. But eventually we went out to southern Idaho to train with migrant workers.

Worked two years. I worked out in the fields with them. And even for a while, the church said, we're going to send this much money every month. I said, no, no, no, don't send any money. They don't get any money.

Talking about the migrants.

Yeah.

So anyway, so I tried to live off my salary working in the fields with the migrants. But I wasn't making ends meet. So one day I'm talking to Guillermo, the guy beside me. And I said, so how do you guys, like, how do you pay the rent and on and on?

And he starts saying, well, you see that guy over there?

He's my uncle.

And you see that gal over there?

He must have pointed out 25 or 30 people. And he said, we all live in the same house. And I went, oh, so it's $4 .25 times 25. Oh, and I called the church that night and I said, hey, send money. But anyway, that's where we started our training.

And then two years later, in 91, we crossed the border into Mexico. And then basically we were there until I met you. Took six years out of Mexico and came back and directed Coca-Cola Lake Bible Camp.

Then being like I am, I started hanging around Coca-Cola for six years. And then I started looking around, see what else needed to be done out there. And just coincidentally, Linda was surfing the Internet and said, hey, Puebla Christian School needs a principal again.

And I went, they do? And next thing you know, we're back in Mexico. Basically back at my saved job, back in the same house.

When the Lord saved you, you were a greasy haired migrant, non-worker, hippie, basically.

Yeah.

Kind of roaming around.

Yeah.

Sleeping wherever you could. How long did it take you to cut your hair after the Lord saved you?

Well, I didn't cut my hair.

You've become the clean cut guy you are now.

You're alluding to something I can tell.

Yeah.

Well, I had a guy that lived out on the road where I lived out. His name was Vern Hawkins. And he had a barbershop in town. Remember Vern Hawkins? And he used to give me the evil eye every time I drove by.

And one day I walked into Vern Hawkins' shop. And I sat there and there was a guy in the chair. And so Vern's looking at me and wondering what in the world I'm up to. And when I got into Vern Hawkins' chair, I said, Take it all off.

Which he obliged. And he was pretty excited about being able to shave this hippie. He really took it down to nubs. And I'll tell you what, I walked out of there. Because here's what happened. My spiritual father, I had a panic session where I saw this phrase about doesn't custom teach you, or doesn't tradition, I forget what the word is there, but that it's unnatural for a man to have long hair.

That's not even nature itself.

That's not even nature itself. Show you. But anyways, so I had a panic attack. And I ran to my spiritual father. And I said, well, what does this mean? Because I was a long hair. And he says, well, it means the times, the nature, the customs of the times.

And I said, well, look around you. We're in San Juan, Idaho in the 70s. Everybody had long hair, right? He said, just think about the people in our church. What if your long hair would offend one of them?

And at that point in my life, all I wanted to do was please Jesus. And so when I heard that, I went, and I cut my hair off. And so when Bern, who thought he did me wrong, cut off my hair, I said I walked out of there feeling so free, like I had done the right thing for Jesus.

Jesus was proud of me. And so it was really a great victory for me. And I didn't mind at all that I had no hair.

Ministry in Mexico and Village Missions in California

All right.

So you went to the mission field, came back. We're in Sandpoint for a while. Back to the mission field. Now you're currently ministering where and with whom?

Well, when we came, we decided to leave Mexico in 2018 because I had basically trained to be a preacher. And it's something I always thought that I would retire, that I would go out preaching. And so when we decided in 2018, I had to make a major decision, either to make a long-term commitment in Mexico or terminate my relationship there so that they could get the right person in, because it was an educational thing.

That was my career field, my expertise. So in 2018, we came out of Mexico and basically hooked up with Village Missions. And Village Missions sends pastors to rural, dying North American churches. Basically, that's who they're looking for to rescue those churches because the villages are dying and the towns are dying, and so are the churches.

So we went with Village Missions, and with Village Missions, you say yes, and then they say where. And it's not quite that clear-cut, but anyway, they sent me to Friant, California, which if you're from northern Idaho and they send you to California, that's like a swear word, you know, California.

But anyway.

You are a missionary to an unreached people group.

Yeah, for sure, yeah. Anyway, and it just turned out to be amazing. It turned out to be like God was orchestrating the whole thing.

So where are you at? So you're in Friant now.

Yeah.

Tell us what you are dealing with now.

Okay. Well, God sent me to a little church of about 40 people. In fact, the second Sunday we were there, we had 42 people. And we got there in January, and I preached my first sermon the end of January, and I got my cancer diagnosis the beginning of April, so about two and a half months.

And so it's funny that the church has never known the non-cancer groups, basically.

Yeah.

So we've gone on this journey together, but it's just been amazing that the timing is just perfect because this church doesn't demand anything of me. It's more of a maintenance job than it is leading an army job, you know.

Mostly elderly. It's kind of a geriatric church. And they went seven years without a pastor, so they learned how to take care of themselves. I told them one of the first things I observed about them is how well they do to one another because they were taking care of each other and bearing one another's burdens and helping one another out and loving one another.

And so they just brought me into the family and continued to do that. So you went there.

Your job is to shepherd them, and they have ended up caring for you in different ways.

Yeah, yeah. It was just a perfect match. I was what they needed, and they were what I needed. So we've gone through this whole thing together. They've been my prayer warriors and the ones calling me and offering help and visiting me and taking care of Linda when I've been in the hospital.

So you're dealing with cancer. What kind of cancer? How extensive is it?

So, yeah, the diagnosis was colon cancer, and so they had to take out a third of my colon, and they got at that point all of the cancer. And I went almost a year without any cancer, and then it came back, metastasized to the liver and down into my pelvis.

A lymph node, one lymph node down in my pelvis was also malignant. And then from there we took out the liver. We got the liver chunk out because I don't know if you guys know this, but you can take more than half the liver, cut it out, and toss it, and that liver will regenerate itself.

So anyway, so that's what they do. They just take a big chunk of the liver, and they got the tumor. I still don't have any tumors in my liver. But that guy down in the pelvis, he continued to hang around, so we didn't go get him.

And so that's what we're dealing with now. The prognosis is terminal, so there's no way to cure it. It's systemic and it's everywhere now.

And what's in your colon behind your stomach?

Yeah, I have more than a dozen in my lungs, and then I have another eight behind in this canal here, behind my breastbone, on my trachea, in my heart, in my esophagus. So it's everywhere. So I'm going to be home a lot sooner than you guys, maybe, unless the garbage truck hits you tonight.

So Hugh, you early in your salvation came to understand the sovereignty of God and salvation, how he orchestrates all things for his glory, for our good. How has that comforted you during this stage of your life?

Well, it's not random. It's not a random disease that just happened to strike me. The disease in my body isn't random, and what he has for me is not random. So he's purposely taking me. He's walking with me.

He didn't throw the cancer down there and say, let's see how you deal with this. But he's walking with me, and then I have learned so much about him and getting ready to meet him. And the more I gaze upon his face, the more I understand what Paul's tension was in Philippians.

To be absent with the body, or I mean, to die is Christ. How does that go? I lost it.

To live is Christ.

To live is Christ and to die is gain. And I understand it for a couple of reasons. One, because I have people here that inevitably I'm going to hurt. It's not really me, and I don't want to do that. But I so want to go.

I'm so ready to go. And to me, it's like a bonus that I have a legitimate reason to die and be with him. But I can't say that everywhere without hurting people. But when we're looking at all these life-extending things down here and down in Tijuana and all over the place, I'm like, maybe I don't want to extend my life.

Maybe I want to go home. I mean, I've lived a great life. God has been so, so good. And I could talk about that and definitely fill up that little phone.

But as you're dealing with the cancer diagnosis, what are you struggling with, if anything?

Well, I mean, it all sounds very beautiful, what's right on the other side of the veil. But getting to the veil is a little hard. It's messy.

You're not scared of dying?

No.

No, I think I'm good with God. So I'm ready to go. But it would have been nice to have a nice, clean cancer where I just lay down in bed one night and I go to be with God. But my cancer is messy and ugly and, may I say, crappy.

And so it's not clean.

So I wish it was.

So that part's a struggle, the pain and the discomfort.

And have you doubted or wrestled at all with the doctrine of God's sovereignty.

And goodness through this?

Yeah, a little bit.

In what ways?

Well, somewhere down in my deep self-righteous soul, I think, God, I did everything right. I did what you told me to do. I went to the mission field. Some would say that I sacrificed. I don't think it was.

But, in fact, I think it was just the opposite. Somebody said that to me once. I said, actually, I think the sacrificing person is the one sitting here in this pew every Sunday. I said, I haven't sacrificed anything.

But anyway, a quick dose of the Scripture gets rid of that. It's just not real. It's make-believe. And so he's not punishing me for something I did wrong. It's not karma. It's a gift. It really is a gift.

And how many of us get advance notice like this? Why don't you plan on being dead in six months or so? And so I got everything together. I got my will together finally and my power of attorney, and I'm getting things ready for Linda so that she's not.

I don't know where he keeps anything.

So she knows where I keep everything.

I heard a professor at the Master's Seminary who died from cancer refer to cancer as the kind killer because it gives you a chance to prepare to die, to say goodbye, to get things in order, to make the transition, to get to know the Lord in a deeper way before you actually go to see him.

And in that way, it's a gentle grace.

And one thing that I have seen that I had never seen before is the power of hundreds of people praying for you, and that is mind-blowing. And it gives people an open opportunity because I have cancer to express their love, which sometimes, especially men, that they don't do that, but you think, I might not see this guy again.

But just the power of prayer when people call me and tell me that they're praying for me and I'm like, I know you are. I feel it. I feel like God is just carrying me through this whole thing. And I know it's in response to the prayers of the saints.

And then this entire time you trust in the sovereignty of God and His goodness, knowing that He carries you through it and gives you the grace to deal with it moment by moment.

And I did go through the argument with him like, well, who's going to take care of Linda? And his answer to that was, well, who do you think is going to take care of her all these years? And I went, oh, yeah, you're right.

So he doesn't need me. He's used me, but it doesn't need you. Yeah, I feel a little used, but yeah, he doesn't need me. He'll take care of her like he always has.

Prayer, Suffering, and Living as a Christian with Cancer

Through all of this, the Lord has been sustaining you, has been teaching you. And is there anything else that you would say concerning your experiences.

And what you've learned through all of this?

Well, I have a song that I learned when I was a young Christian, The Cares Chorus. You know that song?

I think I do.

It's a great song, and it's so simple theologically and so profound. And it basically just says, I cast all my cares upon you. I lay all of my burdens down at your feet. And this is the key verse for me.

And any time that I don't know what to do, I cast all my cares upon you. And I find myself praying that all the time, like, Lord, what am I supposed to do? I wish they would give us a practice run when he's going to give us cancer.

So people will say something, and I'll say, I don't know. It's my first time. You know? But anyway, it's so true, and he meets us there. He doesn't smack you around his head, grow up and act more mature.

But when you're doubting and when you're weak, he's there. And he meets you there, and he doesn't berate us.

Through all of this, I've known you since 2005. So this is 2022. We're at a Shepherds Conference right now together. Your first Shepherds Conference. In all of that time, I have known you to be somebody who has a great sense of humor.

You can be serious, theological, profound, wise, all of that. And yet, your ability to be quick-witted and have a witticism or a pun or something like that has been a mark of anybody who's known you for all these years.

And through all of this, that hasn't changed.

You're still the same Bruce.

You're not morbid. You're not gloomy. You're not anything.

You're Bruce.

Yeah. Well, it gives you perspective. But the fact is, is we are all terminal. And so God's just given me the privilege of knowing a little bit ahead of time. And quite frankly, I don't know anything, right?

I've already outlived three months, six months, nine months. I've had six months, four different times I've been told, you've got six more months. So I've way outlived all of that. So nobody actually knows what they're talking about.

And they may be reading from a textbook, but they don't know. They don't know and I don't know. And so you have to live life in both worlds, you know.

The Gospel, Sin, Christ’s Righteousness, and the Hope of Salvation

For the person who is watching this, can you close by explaining to them how they can come to know the God of all grace and comfort and peace? Can you explain what the gospel is that you trusted in and that you're trusting in today?

Right.

Well, the gospel in a nutshell is that we have a predicament because you don't want me to say God hates you and has a hell of a plan for your life right now. We have a problem. It's similar to cancer in that it is terminal.

Systemic.

And it's systemic and it's called sin. And what we deserve is everlasting condemnation. That's we're born into condemnation. And there is no remedy. There's only one name given under all of heaven by which a man can be saved.

And that name is Jesus Christ. So God sent his son to be the Savior. He's the answer to that. For those that are looking for the remedy, Jesus Christ is the answer to that. And God is the one who sovereignly calls.

But the offer is open to whosoever will. And it just so happens that whosoever will, will. But we're not going into that. So Jesus Christ is the answer. The problem is sin. Jesus Christ gave his life on the cross, a real historical event where he laid down his life for our sin.

He was a perfect sacrifice, pleasing to God, satisfying the wrath of God. So the result of that was an unfair swap. Jesus Christ got my sin. I got his righteousness. He took my sin to the cross and to the grave.

And I have newness of life and abundance of life. And I have a life that I never had. In fact, I was dead and now I am alive.

And just because you're dying doesn't mean you're not going to keep living.

Right. Yeah. So and that is not because I was anybody special, but because I cried out to God. I asked God for help and he rescued me and introduced me, brought me to his son. And that is available to anybody.

If we will repent, turn away from our sin and turn towards God in faith, God will respond. And that's that results in salvation. So and beyond that, it's profound and it's wonderful and it's an awesome journey.

But the end result is that I know no longer fear death. Even though it's coming. But the sting has been removed. And I'm kind of looking forward to it.

All right.

Thank you, brother.

Yep.

God bless you.