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Ephesians 4:29
Alright, everyone, grab your Bibles and turn with me to the book of Ephesians. The book of Ephesians, as we will be continuing on in our series through Paul's letter to the churches in Ephesus. Specifically, we will be looking at Ephesians chapter 4, verse 29 today.
And the title of today's message is Give Grace With Your Mouth. Give grace with your mouth. Ephesians chapter 4, and if you would please stand with me for the honoring and reading of God's holy, infallible, and all-sufficient word.
And I will begin reading for the sake of context in verse 17. Therefore, this I say, and testify in the Lord that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their mind, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their.
Heart.
And they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you heard him and were taught in him just as truth is in Jesus.
To lay aside, in reference to your former conduct, the old man which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and to be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and to put on the new man which is in the likeness of God, has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.
Therefore, laying aside falsehoods, speak the truth, each one of you with his neighbor. For we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. And do not give the devil an opportunity.
He who steals must steal no longer, but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with the one who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for building up what is needed, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
The grass withers and the flower fades, but the word of our God endures forever.
Amen?
Amen.
Why don't you have a seat and get your eyes on verse 29. Verse 29. Now, I don't know about you, but I tend to live under a rock. But I did hear about something that has been happening in California over the last week or so.
If you are unaware, or you live under a rock like me, and you still don't know what I'm talking about, let me tell you. There has been an insane fire ravaging Los Angeles and beyond. A fire that has done so much damage that they are saying that it is the most disastrous of the natural disasters in U .S. history.
It has spanned over two million acres to this point, and as of right now, it is still burning, leaving a trail of devastation in its wake. Thousands of homes lie in ashes, and tragically, and I don't mean to make light of it by using it as an opening illustration, 20 people have lost their lives and dozens more have been injured and there are countless people missing.
In many ways, I'm sure a lot of people in Los Angeles are beginning to think they are living in Tim LaHaye's left behind world. The damage this fire has done has already consumed things to the point that they are averaging a 135 billion dollar damage.
When a fire gets hold of anything, it is unpredictable, it is unparalleled in its capacity for destruction and it destroys, it kills, and it harms. And oftentimes, when you do something to a fire to try to get it out, if it's not the right thing, it actually makes it worse.
With that on your mind, I want you to think about James, the brother of Jesus, and his letter. In chapter 3 verse 6, he declares something about the tongue. And he says this about the tongue, that it's like that.
It's like a fire, it's like a devastating fire that destroys and harms countless individuals. He says this in verse 6, and the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body and sets on fire the course of our existence and is set on fire by hell.
The tongue is so dangerous. This is why James a little bit on in chapter 3 will say not many people should become teachers because when you speak, you alter, in some sense, everything, everything. That's why Proverbs chapter 18 verse 21 says that death and a life are in the power of the tongue.
So why is Paul saying this now? Why is Paul bringing this up? Well, the reason is, is because the tongue will divide, destroy, and disease the body. If you remember in chapter 4, he begins telling us how to perform our duty as doctrinally enriched Christians, how we are to live as the church, how we are, since we are the new man to be functioning, having put off the old man.
And he has been over the last couple of weeks, essentially giving us these commands by a, we could say, a divinely instituted pattern, right? The truth in negation, the truth in the positive followed up for a reasoning or purpose for that, not leaving us to do it because I said so.
He's showing us how all of the doctrine that came before helps us to live in light of what he wants us to live, but also why those things that he's telling us to do are so important. And that is no different here.
As we look at these verses where he's telling us to control our tongue, if we are to be good Christians, brothers and sisters, we must understand the danger involved in it. A single spark of the tongue, say in the form of gossip, can burn a church to the ground.
A careless word can ignite untold division in every single relationship that you are a part of, from your family to the church family, to your work, your coworkers, and a harsh rebuke, especially when it's rooted not in love for the person you're rebuking, can sear hearts instead of enable them to walk in a newness of life.
You see, that is why the tongue matters. But the good news is there's a better way. And the better way is instead of using your tongue in a way that harms or hurts, you can use it for good. In fact, that's what you ought to be doing as Christians.
That's what the new man, a new man in Christ Jesus has a new tongue. He's got a new mouth. He's got a new vocabulary. He's got a new way of doing things. And that brings everything into focus. Our words, in other words, either edify or they erode.
They either build or they break. They either heal or they harm. There is, to borrow a phrase from Greg Bonson, no neutrality. You are either tearing up or you are building. These are the only options.
And whatever words you choose to use, whatever path you choose to take, know that they follow you to judgment. They follow you to judgment. This is why Jesus says in Matthew chapter 12, verse 36, but I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment.
You might forget your words, but the people you speak them to probably won't. And more important than that, Jesus won't. And so as we look at this text, be reminded that as the new man, your tongue is not exempt from the lordship of Jesus Christ.
Your tongue and your mouth are not exempt from the lordship of Christ. Your lips have a new lord. So look with me. The first thing that I want you to see as we look at this text is silence what is sinful.
Silence what is sinful. Paul begins here in verse 21 or 29 rather by continuing, as I said, this same exact.
Pattern.
Although he is transitioning from the physical act of stealing to the verbal interaction that you would have with people. And he's telling us that we need to silence what is sinful in our speech. He says this, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.
Now, when we see these words, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. We seem to take that at face value, okay? Don't let unwholesome words come out of our mouth. But more pointedly, we will oftentimes, if we think about it, ask, what does that even.
Mean?
Well, let's take this word unwholesome and some translations, it is translated as corrupt. So some translations read, let no corrupt word proceed from your mouth. But before we get to the word unwholesome, we get let no.
And here the Greek is more emphatic and it's every, every word that comes out of your mouth must not be unwholesome. It must not be corrupt. Now, this word here, sapros in the Greek, and the antiquity would mean like rotten wood or withered flowers, or my personal favorite, rancid fish.
It's also used in other places outside the Bible to mean a worn out or useless person. It's only used eight times in the New Testament and it's only used here by Paul. The rest are used by Matthew and Luke when they are quoting Jesus.
In short, it could mean rotten, putrid, or corrupt. And the idea here, especially if we look at the other Bible verses that are using this phrase, that it would kind of be a speech that is one that decays or brings forth disease.
Or death.
Well, let me prove that to you. It's used once in Matthew chapter seven, verse 17 and 18, when Jesus says, even so every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.
Bad fruit, that's the bad there, is the same Greek word being used for unwholesome here in this book. Likewise, in Matthew chapter 12, verse 33, Jesus says, either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit.
The idea here is a spoiled piece of fruit. One that spreads decay and one that is diseased and putrid. Such words are unfit for the redeemed bride of Christ. And in Matthew chapter 13, verse 48 and 49, speaking of fish, there were codices and it was filled.
They, the disciples, drew it up on the beach and they sat down and gathered the good fish into containers, but the bad, they were thrown away. So if we are to be good Christian people living in the body of Christ, leaning into the body of Christ, and remember doing what?
The overarching kind of theme that Paul presents in chapter 4 is that we are to, verse 3, be diligent to keep the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace. So if we want to keep the spirit of the bond of peace, we have to silence what is sinful in our speech, namely that speech which is corrupt, which decays, and which diseases the people and relationships around us.
We must use the right words and not the wrong words, because if we use the wrong words, it's like essentially a surgeon using contaminated utensils to perform surgery with, right? If words are the difference between life and death, it can either be like a fire or a rudder on a ship or that thing they put in horses' mouths to bridle them, then it only makes sense that we would use the right tool for the right job.
If you use the wrong tool, then you wind up harming like a surgeon who does that, right? He might intend to heal, but if the instruments have disease on them, then they will spread infections. When our words are corrupt, when they are diseased, when they are rotten, they have the same effect.
They spread spiritual disease rather than build up, rather than give life, rather than guard the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace. Now, the next question that you should have is, what is that?
It doesn't help any of us if we just say, don't do that, and then not define it. So let's define it by looking at the rest of the Bible, because he's actually going to go on, and he's going to keep talking about the tongue.
And if you remember, he's already kind of talked about the tongue, right? Just a few weeks ago, when we looked at, for example, verse 25, we are to speak truth. But not only are we to speak truth, we're to speak grace, and we will see that momentarily.
But in order to speak grace, we must not speak some other things. The first one is gossip.
Gossip.
That is sharing unverified or even private information about others that damages their reputation or sows discord with them and any other person that they might come in contact with the body. Stealing, as we talked about last week, their reputation from them.
Gossip will set everything on fire when you open up your mouth to do it. But we like to do it. And why do we like to do it? Because it's a lot easier to build up our own reputation when we stand on the graves of reputations that we've murdered.
Proverbs 11, 13 says, he who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, but he who is faithful in spirit conceals a matter. Christians don't say everything they think. They don't walk around revealing secrets and spreading unverified quote-unquote truths.
Proverbs 26, 20 says, with no wood, the fire goes out. And when there is no whisperer, strife quiets down. You want to know how to guard the spirit of the bond of peace and how to use your mouth to give grace?
Firstly, don't gossip. Secondly, don't slander. Don't give false or malicious statements that harm someone else's character. James 4, 11, revisiting Jesus' brother, do not slander one another, brothers.
He who slanders a brother or judges his brother slanders the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law, but a judge of it. And then later, if you look down in Ephesians 4, verse 31, he's going to say, and we'll revisit this in a few weeks here, let all bitterness and anger and wrath and shouting and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
So not only gossip and slander, but also lying. Rancid, fish-like talk is lying. Lying, speaking false things, purposely deceiving others. But lying helps us, doesn't it? We don't have to face consequences for telling the truth.
We get to look better and boast of ourselves, which is another one which we'll get to in a moment, to build ourselves up. But the reality is it contradicts the very character of God. And it contradicts the truth that he's already spoken about thus far.
Colossians chapter 3, verse 9 says, do not lie to one another since you put off the old man and its evil practices. The new man has new practices, and he's got new lips, and he's got a Lord over his lips and his life, and he's not to lie.
Not only that, but we are not to give ourselves over to harsh and angry words. Words spoken in unrighteous anger exist simply to provoke others and to exalt self. And really, that is what this kind of way of talking is.
It's not for the other, it's for self. It's for self. And the reality is harsh and angry words leave scars, and ones that often last for a lifetime. Proverbs 15, 1, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
You want to have someone be unrighteously angry at you? Make sure that you do not give a gentle answer, but a harsh one. You see, fire breeds off fire, and it continues to grow. Crude or vulgar joking is another one.
When you have inappropriate humor and joke about the things that God hates, it dishonors God and it promotes immorality. I don't know how many times I have went to turn on, I love stand-up comedy. I know that when I preach, I'm all business most of the time.
But in another life, maybe I could have, I'm not funny, but I wish I was, so I live vicariously through these guys. But I used to listen to stand-up comedy when I was much younger, and I would just turn on the TV sometimes to watch a guy that I used to watch, and I never thought twice about what he was saying.
And then I would start watching it as a Christian, and I'm like, my goodness, what in the world is going on here? This is so much worse than I even remembered it being.
Right?
Joking about things that ought not be joked about. Not only is crude and vulgar joking promoting immorality, but it's sowing seeds that make all of that normal. When things are funny, they are no longer appalling.
Speech, in other words, that trivializes sin or indulges in coarse jesting, reflects a heart that is not in line with who God is and what he values. This is why Ephesians chapter 5 verse 4 later on says, no filthiness and foolish talk or coarse jesting should come out of your mouth, which are not fitting, but rather give thanks or Proverbs 10 31, the mouth of the righteous bears wisdom, but the tongue of the perversions will be cut out.
Ooh, you see there, that imagery of being cut out, not only that, but we are not to blaspheme or take God's name in vain. That's another way that our language could be corrupt and also flattering. You don't want to dishonor, but you don't want to give insincere or manipulative praise to somebody so that they might think differently of you or favor you.
Give praise to who it's due, honor who must be honored, and yet don't do so to be manipulative to deceive and to gain favor. Flattery twists words for selfish gain rather than giving grace. Proverbs 26 28, a lying tongue hates those it crushes.
Ooh, that's could fit in the other one too, right? That first part of that. When you lie to somebody, not only are you just engaging in bad speech, but you hate the person you're lying to. That's why you lied to them.
You don't love them or else you wouldn't lie to them. But it goes on. And a flattering mouth works ruin. Complaining and grumbling is another one, expressing your dissatisfaction or discontent every time you feel it and then some.
But the reality is when you complain and when you grumble, you reflect in gratitude and you show that you do not trust in God's sovereignty. And then you produce other grumblers because people are either going to go, don't want to be around that person because all they do is grumble.
All they do is complain. All they do is critique. Or they're going to become grumblers and critiquers with you. And then the fire rages on, the fire rages on and boasting and really this type of speech really is all about boasting in many ways because boasting is, is exalting oneself.
And when you are using speech that doesn't build up and edify, you're really essentially just operating out of self-centered pride. Proverbs 27 .2 says, let a stranger praise you and not your own mouth, a foreigner and not your own lips.
James 4 .16 about it is, is you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. You can also think about cursing and profanity. Cursing and profanity. Using offensive or profane language dishonors God and it dishonors others and it reflects really a heart filled with this rancidness, this corruption, once again, rather than grace.
Now I grew up kind of in the Acts 29 world and one of the things that the Lord really when he saved me, took away from me, at least in large measure, I'm not saying that I was always perfect from that point on or that I still am, but, but was my filthy mouth.
I grew up playing punk rock music, I was in the military, and I don't know that I had a vocabulary that could be used in a church setting at all, ever. And the Lord was gracious to remove that from me and I tried to work on that and to be a little less rough around the edges and I was so surprised when I got to seminary and I started kind of rubbing my shoulders with like the Acts 29 crowd and being at a church that was, and everybody was just cussing all the time because it made them really cool and hip.
And I could never fully wrap my mind around it, I was like, I thought you had a new Lord for those lips, you know? But then what happened? It was like a frog in water that was slowly boiling. I became accustomed to it, I became okay with it to the point that I would even engage in some of that at some times.
But the reality is the Lord has told us that we are not to be given over to that sort of thing and it's not cool to do it. Everybody does it. If you want to be a rebel, believe the Bible and do what it says, nobody's doing that.
Romans chapter 12, Paul says, bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse. And James 3 .9 says, with our tongue we bless our Lord and Father and with it we curse men who have been made in the likeness of God.
Our tongue can do great things but it can do great harm. So don't speak trash. Don't speak evil, and I could go on with this list, but we have to move on some time. Don't use rotten or corrupt language, silence what is sinful in your speech.
Children, would you look at me? Would you look at me? I learned a very interesting fact this week that I didn't know and I want to share it.
With you.
Did you know that apples can get rotten? I'm sure you knew that, I knew that. What I did not know is that when an apple gets rotten, and this is because apples don't really hang around my house very often, and they never did, and if they did, they got eaten quickly, but that rotten apple, if you have one rotten apple, it will make all the other ones rotten too.
Did you know that? Like they will catch the rottenness. I did not know that, it blew my mind, but I guess it makes sense because an apple's skin is kind of like, well, skin, it's porous. And it can absorb all of these nasty, nasty, diseased things that are happening inside that rotten apple, and then it becomes rotten.
Basically what I'm saying here is the reason that we need to silence what is sinful in our speech, to talk in a way that is not these things, is because when we speak like this or do this type of stuff when we speak, we're like that rotten apple, and everybody around us will get rotten too, right?
That's kind of what I'm getting at here. But here's the reality, Jesus Christ has purchased for us new tongues. He's purchased for us new mouths, and so when we, by faith, accept the Lord Jesus Christ, he removes that desire to be like that rotten apple.
So how do we refrain from doing that? Parents, how do we refrain from doing that? Well, you must do better and try harder. Not exactly. Not exactly. You don't need more discipline per se, you need a better destiny.
And what I mean by that is you need to have a different heart posture, and that comes from being born again. And then as you're born again, as the Lord changes your heart, because you can't do it apart from that, he changes your desires, and he changes your lips, and he changes all of these things.
And so we are to guard, but we need to also understand what happens here. Rotten words spring forth from rotten hearts. That's just the truth of it. Rotten words are the fruit, in other words, of rotten hearts.
But I didn't make this up. These are the words of Jesus. In Luke 6, verse 45, it says this. Jesus says, the good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good, and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil.
For his mouth speaks from what? The abundance of his heart. So if you have a problem with your lips, you have a problem with lordship in general, and if you have a problem with lordship in general, you've got a problem, and that problem is.
The heart.
In other words, the heart of the problem is the problem of the heart. Matthew 12, verse 34, Jesus says, you brood of vipers, speaking, of course, to the scribes and Pharisees. He says, how can you, being evil, speak what is good?
In other words, evil people can't speak good. Just hang out with a bunch of unregenerate people, you'll find out real quick the incapableness they have of being able to speak grace. For the mouth speaks, Jesus says, out of that which fills the heart.
What are you filling your heart with, heritage? What are you filling your heart with? If your speech is a cesspool of sin, the problem is not your vocabulary, in other words, it's that thing that pumps blood, it's your heart, in the theological, metaphysical sense I suppose, not actually your organ of your heart, but I figure you got that.
So examine your heart. If you see your mouth doing these things, don't examine your vocabulary, examine your heart and then repent of your heart posture, and maybe you might need to seek out those whom you wounded and reconcile with them.
Because remember, be sober, because your words will follow you to judgment. So not only does Paul want us to silence what is sinful, he also wants us to speak what is edifying, and that is my second point.
Speak what is edifying. If you look with me at verse 29, we'll pick back up, he says, let no unwholesome word proceed or come from your mouth. By the way, as an aside, that also means from your fingertips, for those of you who spend your life on the internet, for those of you who are on Twitter, right?
This is something I've had to work on, right? Because I speak very matter-of-factly, if you preach, I think you get it. If I'm preaching, I think you get it a little bit, right? But if I'm behind a keyboard, you don't get it as well.
So I think this extends beyond just the way in which you speak to people in person, but rather just how you write an email, how you write a text, how you write a letter, right? From your mouth. But alternate way of doing things, alternate way of living, only such a word as is good for building up what is needed.
So Paul here is continuing on, and he not only says he needs to silence what is sinful, but rather he needs, we need to rather speak what is edifying. And the reason I use the word edifying is because he says that our words ought to what?
Build up.
And if you remember, that's one of the things that leaders were given to the church for as we looked in Ephesians chapter four a little bit further back when he talked about giving pastor shepherds to the church and all of the other leaders and such, that they would build up, that they would edify, right?
And this word that is translated building up is a construction term, like wood, nails, building something, right? It's where we get the word edifice from, a big structure. And what you need to understand is the reason that we are to, as this text says, speak only words that build up is because a godly speech, speaking in ways that God has for us, strengthens not only ourselves, but everyone else.
It strengthens them, it builds them, whereas the others tear them down. Now what I'm not meaning to say is there's no place for rebuke, right? Because we've tackled that a little bit already, and we'll get into it a little bit this afternoon or during the sermon at some point, which could be either of those things.
You know how I roll, right? But that's the reality of it. But I want you to see here it says, but only such a word as is good for building up. So even when you do engage in that rebuke, it ought to be one that is not filled with this type of language, this type of speaking, right?
Christians are only to speak in ways that build up. Now of course you have to properly define that because sometimes people are being built up in the context of the local church, or in the context of marriage, or in the context of parenting.
And it doesn't feel like, at least to the person receiving it, as being built up.
But it is.
But that must be the heart posture. That must be how it's done. Only such a word as is good for building up, for edifying, right? It's always to make the people around you better, more God-glorifying, more Christ-like, more loving, more faithful in their duties, more faithful in their church membership and their parenting, so on and so forth.
Now as I begin to think about this, and children, I want you to pay attention with me on this point too. I was thinking about, okay, what does that look like in life? What does that look like in life?
When I was in the military, not a lot of nice things are said to you. I think the same could be true of certain other kinds of jobs, as well as sports. Some of you guys have been engaged in sports throughout the years.
And the reality is that when words are spoken by a sergeant above you, a leader above you, or a coach in games, and there's a difficult situation, a good sergeant, a good coach, a good employer, a good team leader, is going to seek to what?
Inspire you, right? To do better than what you're doing right now. Maybe even better than they do. And they don't do that by berating. Now some do, and some people respond to that, and that's not good, right?
It's not about berating. A good coach inspires others toward good. Not by engaging in rotten speech, but by engaging in edifying speech. And we are to do the same thing in the church, we are to inspire, not berate, others toward Christlikeness.
Now, to be sure, when you speak, you're going to speak in such a way that is telling the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts. But one of the things this text is teaching, which we're going to get into pretty heavily here in a second, is that truth spoken at the wrong time, and truth spoken in the wrong way, is some of the most untruthful stuff you can speak.
Because it takes godly wisdom to apply the truth. And that's what he's going to get at here in a moment. As a matter of fact, that's the next thing he gets into, right? He says, moving on, verse 29 here, only such a word that is good for building up, what is needed?
What is needed? Or, as the RSV puts it, fits the occasion. So the idea here is, you're not to speak trash, right? You're not to use your mouth to inject poison. But rather, you are to use your mouth, and every single word that comes from your mouth ought to be good for edifying, for building up, for inspiring, for pushing someone toward Christ, when it's needed.
In other words, one translator put it, what is lacking? Or as the RSV puts it, fits the occasion. What this helps us to see, what Paul is getting us to understand, is when we speak truth, or when we speak edifying words, or when we speak anything, it requires discernment.
It requires us to slow down, right? Because truth spoken in anger and frustration sounds just like that. And it's about you, it's not about them. It's about you being frustrated, it's about them not doing things the way you think that they should be doing it.
Even if it is sinful, it's about you. And when it's about you, even if it's sin, you've still sinned. Even if you quote-unquote spoke the truth. Not every truth is appropriate in every situation. It requires heavenly wisdom to have helpful words.
And when you have this wisdom, which James will talk about in his first chapter, he says if you lack wisdom, ask God, he loves to give it to people. He's not going to withhold it from you. Just ask believing that he'll give it to you.
He's not holding wisdom back. Wisdom, if you read the Proverbs, is always calling out. Jesus, the wisdom, always calling out to people. And so wisdom, discernment, dictates what to say, how to say it, and when to say it.
And that should be rooted in a divine standard and not your personal preference.
Because you're good at saying, thou shalt not do this to people who sin against you.
But you'd rather not talk about those things that people would turn around and say, okay, well then you shalt not, blah, blah, blah, right? So we need to have this divine standard and this discernment that enables us to speak what is needed when it's lacking.
Comfort when comforting, exhorting when exhorting needs to happen, rebuking the biblical way when rebuking needs to happen, knowing when to do what and how, that's the command. And people who love truth, oftentimes, especially in the reformed community, don't love this part of it, right?
That Christians need to do a lot more listening than speaking. A lot more hearing than spewing, because you can't actually hear what it is you need to speak to while your mouth is running. And so you need to be able to employ this kind of thinking, you're to speak what is good when it fits the occasion, when it's needed, which means don't just be waiting for the other person to finish their sentences so that you can speak, but absorb it, listen.
The most helpful people are usually the quietest people because they live not with their tongue out, but their ears open. As a matter of fact, you know, obviously you guys know I'm working on my doctorate in preaching and one of the most astounding things, one of the most astounding things that I've heard as I've been journeying through lots of different books and listening to lots of people speak about preaching is John Piper.
And John Piper was asked in a Q and A at one point, and I don't remember if it was a book or if I saw it, but I know it was him. And they said, how did you get to preach so good, basically? I don't know if they put it in those words and certainly John Piper would go, don't make much of me.
So I'm sure the wording was slightly different, but it was basically, why are you so awesome at preaching, right? And John Piper looked at him and said, honestly, I think the reason for it is because for a majority of my high school career, essentially, and even into college, I couldn't speak.
I was so deathly afraid to open my mouth that I would say something wrong about what God has said in his word, or I just had like a severe level of anxiety socially. And I just did not want to engage.
And so the Lord had my mouth shut. Now, if you hear John Piper, you're thinking, what, right? He's so articulate. He's so amazing at what he does, and yet he couldn't speak. And so what was he doing? And what was he trying to say?
And he kind of finished up this way, but, and it also ties into what I'm saying here. He was able to listen. He was able to listen to people. He was able to listen to the Bible. He was able to listen to God when he read the Bible.
He wasn't just running his mouth. This is why Ecclesiastes chapter 12, in verse 10 and 11, the preacher who is the writer sought to find, quote, delightful words, right? He sought to find delightful words and words of truth written up rightly.
He sought them, right? Good words don't just find you even though your heart has changed. You must find them, which means you must listen. You must think, you must absorb, and you must apply when it is needed, when it fits the occasion.
Why?
Because the words of wise men are like goads, and masters of these collections are like well-driven nails. So you want to be a wise man, shut up and speak only when it's necessary. And when it fits the occasion, that's what he's saying, and seek in conversation, seek in the word, words that actually will build up, will actually edify, and only do it when it's needed.
Because you have to be able to speak to the person in their situation. Not just some rehearsed thing that you've read in a book somewhere, that's not helpful. You know, repeating the same mantras over and over and over again.
What's good advice for one person may not be good advice for another. What rebuke needs over here may not be needed over here. But they all must fit underneath the umbrella of what's in this book, so don't hear what I'm not saying.
Don't be looking for psychology books on how to, right? Look to the word, right? Christians, in other words, must listen more than they speak so that when they speak, what they say actually does something.
Proverbs 12 .18 sums this up beautifully. There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings.
Healing.
Are you killing or are you healing? Are you harming or are you helping? That's the question.
So how do you do that?
How do you do that?
Well first and foremostly, as I've said, how do you edify? First be quiet and listen. Don't speak as much as you hear, but then also before you speak, pray. Pray for discernment on what the person in front of you actually needs to hear.
Maybe this person's beating themselves up already and they don't need you to beat them.
Up, right?
But maybe these people cannot hear what you're saying because they refuse to look at your sin, their sin, and so you need to come at it by helping them recognize their own sin. But you don't know that if you've just got some rehearsed answer or you just like to hear yourself talk and you want people to think you're helpful, right?
And consider, does this word build up or does it tear down? Does it harm or does it heal? Because as we said just a matter of weeks ago when we looked at lies, right? Truth without love is brutality, but love without truth is hypocrisy, right?
It has to exist. It has to exist. Children, would you look at me? When you're seeking to build one another up, you need to be able to use words that are helpful, that are loving, that build up. It's kind of like a person who builds a cathedral.
We call them stone masons, right? They build with bricks or stone. Some people believe that's what Jesus was. Some people say carpenter. Some people say stone mason. He worked with his hands, however you think about it.
He was most likely probably a stone mason. Not a lot of wood to be worked with over there. But didn't mean to drop that bomb on everyone, but we can talk about it after the service. But it's like that.
Each stone, this stone mason places must be shaped. It must be taken care of. It must be put in the right place at the right time. And then the putty that's put in there, it has to be put in there at the right time.
And you know, there are guys in this building that can talk to you more about how that works better than I. But it must be done right or it has to all be done over. Or someone who knows what they're doing has to come and fix the mistake that you made.
And so if we want to be good Christians who are loving our brothers and sisters and honoring Christ and honoring the lips that he purchased for us, when we seek to edify, we're seeking to put the right blocks in the right places at the right time for the right purpose, that.
There might be something beautiful made.
Namely a person being sanctified in Christ Jesus, which brings me to my third and final point, which is give grace to God's people. Give grace to God's people. If we want to guard the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace, we want to walk worthy as he has been telling us to do, then we must silence what is sinful in our speech.
And not only that, but we must also edify and we must give grace to God's people. Look with me at verse 29 again. Verse 29 ends by saying, so that, and children, when we see so that, what are we seeing?
What are we seeing? A purpose clause. And that means we're about to be told why you should do that. What is the purpose behind that thing?
What is the purpose behind what's being said? He says, so that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. So you are to give grace to God's people. That's the purpose. That's the purpose of not tearing down and building up so that you will be God's instrument of grace to God's people.
That's right. God is using you to grace his people. What a responsibility. Do you see that? Do you see that as a colossal responsibility that you are being used by God to grace his.
People?
Paul says it like this in 2 Corinthians chapter 5, 20, speaking of course of him and the apostles, but most certainly it extends to all of us, at least in one sense. And he says, so then, in 2 Corinthians 5, 20, we are ambassadors of Christ.
As God is pleading through us, we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. Paul saw himself and the other apostles, and if you are carrying the message of Christ and you are a Christian, then you also are ambassadors of Christ.
Maybe you're not doing the same things, but Christ is working through each and every one of you to be the instrumentality to which his people receive grace. Now grace here is used somewhat differently than what it's been used for, used as in the past as we have looked at Ephesians, right?
We talked about grace being unmerited favor, right? Grace is when you, according to Ephesians chapter 2, right, get but-godded, you get completely transformed, you get resurrected from spiritual death, and you've been given spiritual life where you can now respond to spiritual stimuli, your heart has been transformed, and that's grace.
But there's also another way that grace was used, and it's to enable you to, it's essentially divine power to accomplish the Christian life. So when you are graced, you are given, in many ways, more reasons to, or you are enabled to continue to live the Christian life.
Now you're not downloading, you know, supernatural grace into anybody, right? You are using gracious words, imitating the Lord Jesus, because your heart has been changed, it's been purchased by God's gracious activity, and you are pointing them to grace, you are showing them grace, you are showing them grace, right?
And it does something, it does, right? When you receive grace, and you're a Christian, that causes you to move forward, not backward. That's one of the ways you can know whether you're a Christian or not, or whether other people are Christians, if they say they're Christians.
Does grace motivate you to live wholly? You probably know Jesus. If grace gives you the pardon to sin, you probably don't know Jesus. And so when you give grace to someone, when you show them grace, when you point to grace, and they are a Christian, they do something with it.
They live godly lives, they lean into it, because grace is for godly living. This is why 1 Corinthians 15 .10, Paul can say, But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain.
But I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me. So he was graced by God, and he had grace with him, and he showed other people grace. We know that because he says grace and peace to many people as he opens up his letters.
Grace is something received, grace is something shown, grace is something given, grace is something modeled. So we give grace. That means we are to impart God's unmerited favor through our very words.
Another reason you have to know when is the right time is because it's never the right time. And what I mean by that is no one deserves grace, but you are to give it because it's been purchased for you and it's been purchased for them.
God will deal with all the injustices. That doesn't mean don't be truthful, it just means be wise. Our speech should be seasoned with grace, pointing people always to Christ. So grace-filled words are words that heal, they're words that comfort, they're words that encourage.
So you can ask the question, how do I do that? How do I do everything I just said? Okay, is what I'm going to say, does it heal them? Does it comfort them? Does it encourage them? Does it actually cause them to want to live godly lives or stab me?
Sometimes the truth will cause people to want to stab you. I'm not offering a TGC middle way here. I'm just trying to help you understand that even when you give the hard words, which we're going to talk about and we have talked about, so I don't feel like I need to belabor this point to death, but when you say the hard words, you need to have them in mind when you give it.
You have to want to be able to grace them, to love them, not express your frustration.
With them.
Colossians 4, 6, let your words always be with grace. When are your words to always be gracious? When? How many times?
Always.
Seasoned with salt. By the way, this is a piece of imagery here that we looked at when we looked at the Sermon on the Mount last year. Salt was a preserver of food when refrigerators didn't exist. So when it's seasoned with salt, it's to preserve.
So always be showing grace, preserving, so that purpose clause, you will know how you should answer each person. If you start off angry and then on a righteous way and you just want your words to be heard, you have no idea how to answer each person.
To do it when it's necessary.
So comfort. But also certainly challenge, challenge is a way in which we show grace. That encourages spiritual growth, you use others to forsake sin and pursue holiness. The best way you can do this, and here's your Puritan use.
If you're ever unsure about how to handle it, use Scripture.
Use Scripture.
You can't mess up using Scripture. It's the honest office, God breathed, it's profitable for all things. It is the ultimate grace giver. The reality is, and I, you know, someone who's wired like me has a hard time thinking this or feeling this, but I know that the Bible is true.
And that is this, that people oftentimes need encouraged far more than they need rebuked. And sometimes you can, and oftentimes you can actually encourage and that be a rebuke in itself. And the reason for that is because encouragement dissipates very quickly.
I could say something encouraging to every single person in this room 5 million times a day, and I can say one negative thing and erase years of work. I can't believe he said that to me.
Because it pierces harder. And so when you're going down that route, remember people need edified, they need built up, they need encouraged, especially as they're fighting sin. John Owen, in one of his books, understood this very well.
And he understood what it meant like to show grace, to give grace in his speech. And he said, essentially, this, I want you to picture, John Owen was saying, essentially, a man walking in a dry, desolate wilderness.
He's dying of thirst. He's weary. He's having a hard time getting to and fro. He's not understanding where he's going. He's so disoriented and dehydrated that suddenly a kind traveler offers him a cup of water.
He sees him, hey, and he grabs him and he gives him the cup of water. And that water, as fresh as it was, invigorated him. It revived him and it sustained him for the rest of his journey. And so what John Owen was trying to get at is, that's your job.
You're the cup bearer.
You're the one bringing the water to the parched, weary pilgrim. If you think about your job as it pertains to other Christians, it's a lot less, hey, don't do that, and more, here's some water. Drink of the fountain of life.
Behold your God.
Look to Christ. Be like Christ.
Look what Christ has done for you. There's a reason that Paul is saying it like this, and there's a reason why almost every one of his letters is built the same. I'm going to talk about doctrine a lot, and then I'm going to tell you what to do while I sprinkle a bunch of doctrine in it.
Grace, grace, grace. A Christianity all about grace, needs people all about grace, willing to give grace with.
Their mouths.
So submit your lips to this Lord Jesus Christ. Do it. He's worth it. It just went on for three chapters about how he stood at the stead, how he accomplished salvation, the atoning work, the wrath of God that we deserve was laid upon him.
And with his blood, he united us and reconciled us to God and one another and has brought us into this church. So guard it with fervor, this unity that he has given us. And this is how you do it. This is how you do it.
Because as James 3 .6 says, the tongue is a fire capable of great destruction. The California fires. Yet under Christ's lordship, it can proclaim the gospel, encourage the weary and glorify God. And so if you want to be a good Christian, you've got to be a good soldier and good soldiers have good trigger discipline.
And what I mean by that is when you carry a weapon and your tongue is a weapon, it's a fire, but it's also a weapon or it can be. And when it's pointed at the right enemy at the right time for the right reasons, you're.
A hero.
But if you point it at the wrong person at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, you're a mass shooter, you're a serial killer. And so if you are to be a good Christian who uses his mouth for the glory of God and the good of his people, you must have good trigger discipline.
You must never put your finger on the trigger unless you're meaning to shoot and what you're.
Shooting at.
It must be the right thing at the right time for the right reasons. And it must be so that you can glorify God, be good to his people. And you're not just spraying and spraying and spraying and hitting people and doing damage even on accident.
So surrender your tongue to Christ, have good discipline, pray with the psalmist. And psalm 141 said, a guard, oh Lord, over my mouth. And you know why you can do that? Because he's already been talking about it.
You're a new man purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ. So you can, you have a new mouth, you have a new tongue and you have a new Lord over your mouth and tongue. Your lips are under the Lordship of Christ.
Believe it.
He paid for it and keep moving forward and he will guard the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.
All right.
Go ahead.
Pray with me. Father, we thank you. We thank you that you have given us new tongues and we ask that you would give us hearts that love to utilize our tongues in ways that are honoring to you. We thank you for the sacrifice you've made the Lord.
We ask that you would help us to live a life standing in all of it for the rest of our.
Days.
We thank you the master of our mouth. We ask these things in Jesus name.
